jake's mom

My New Soup Strainer

2010-04-22T15:36:00.002-05:00

Further proof that my awesome moustache is worthwhile.

For Your Health!

2010-04-17T10:29:00.004-05:00

I don't know about you, but I'd select him as my primary care physican. He must have a reasonable solution to the US health care crisis.

"This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!"

2010-04-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

In honor of JP waking jake's mom back up, here's something awesome.

The KFC Double Down.

This one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce.

Did you catch the part about it not having a bun? Apparently the two deep fried chicken filets stand in to surround the remaining meat, cheese, and sauce. That's right, meat, cheese, and sauce is surrounded by more meat. U! S! A!

But apparently there are worse things out there. 37, to be exact, including Tea Party rallies, the cast of "Jersey Shore," the Texas State Board of Education, and sleeping in a cage with seven hungry weasels.

The Only Band that Mattered...

2010-04-12T18:44:00.002-05:00

...other than Europe, of course.

Sound Opinions recently did a classic album dissection of London Calling and it reminded me of how great the music is and how well it has kept over all the years. And I know someone who can sing all of the lyrics to Clampdown because the Indigo Girls covered it.

Check it out, it's worth the thirty minutes.

Has anyone....

2008-02-06T17:05:00.000-06:00

feed jakesmom recently? Or is she dead?

Back in my day...

2007-11-29T08:23:00.000-06:00

We didn't need to kegulate how many kegs were needed for a party. We just stocked 1717 up and drank away...until the cops came.

I wonder where the tapper is? Any ideas b?

Dear NBA owners...

2007-10-26T10:46:00.000-05:00

...still wondering about the smartest draft philosophy? Well, I'm here to help. Ready? Here you go, it's simple: select quality players that played four years at quality colleges. They'll produce for you. If you gamble on some high-schooler with freakish numbers, be prepared for the possibility that nothing will come of them. (Yes, I do realize that players such as Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James came straight from high school. But for every one of these stars, there are countless Kwame Browns and Jonathan Benders.)

I'm certain that one team has figured this philosophy out--the Phoenix Suns. Look at their last draft. The Suns selected two non-trendy and non-scout beloved players: Wisconsin's Alando Tucker and Maryland's D.J. Strawberry. And what has come of these picks? From early indications, they are already solid and competent pros that are able to help, not hurt, their team.

Thursday, October 25 - Denver v. Phoenix. D.J. Strawberry hit a game winning 3-pointer to sink Allan Iverson and Carmello Anthony's team. Alando Tucker kicked in 12 points in the winning effort.

Sunday, October 21 -Phoenix v. Charlotte.

Tucker and D.J. Strawberry scored all of Phoenix's points during a 12-5 spurt that extended the Suns' margin to 11 at 87-76 with 4:41 to play. Strawberry, the son of former baseball star Darryl Strawberry, contributed a 3-pointer and a pair of free throws. Tucker had also drained a three, along with a 19-footer and layup.

Also of note: All 14 of Tucker's points were scored in the key fourth quarter.

Yes, I do realize that the year is incredibly young. But even at this early juncture, on a team overloaded with All-Stars (Nash, Hill, Stoudemire, Barbosa, etc), these two draft selections have already made solid contributions to their new team. It's time to recognize that being a star throughout four years in college should have more merit than being 18 years old and 6'10".

Because white people...

2007-10-25T08:41:00.001-05:00

are funny.

I am still not convinced that Rick sings his own songs.

VERY important news.

2007-10-24T14:31:00.000-05:00

This just in from CNN: Giuliani is a flip-flopper. One may only assume that he will now lose the Presidency end up in the NFL.

Also fresh from the wire: Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania have created low-density aerogels made from carbon nanotubes, CNTs, that are capable of supporting 8,000 times their own weight. The new material also combines the strength and ultra-light, heat-insulating properties of aerogels with the electrical conductivity of nanotubes. The researchers hope that this advance will one day help prove, once and for all, that LOLcats are hilarious.

"So just pipe down and eat your Taco Bell Double-Supremo Burrito and be glad we don't arrest you for posting dirty pictures on your cute little blog."

2007-10-24T12:02:00.000-05:00

/* Trying to chase away those darn tumbleweeds */

The always-cheerful Mark Morford has another interesting piece in today's Chronicle.

My friend [, a longtime Oakland public school teacher,] often summarizes for me what he sees, firsthand, every day and every month, year in and year out, in his classroom. He speaks not merely of the sad decline in overall intellectual acumen among students over the years, not merely of the astonishing spread of lazy slackerhood, or the fact that cell phones and iPods and excess TV exposure are, absolutely and without reservation, short-circuiting the minds of the upcoming generations. Of this, he says, there is zero doubt.

Nor does he speak merely of the notion that kids these days are overprotected and wussified and don't spend enough time outdoors and don't get any real exercise and therefore can't, say, identify basic plants, or handle a tool, or build, well, anything at all. Again, these things are a given. Widely reported, tragically ignored, nothing new.

No, my friend takes it all a full step — or rather, leap — further. It is not merely a sad slide. It is not just a general dumbing down. It is far uglier than that.

We are, as far as urban public education is concerned, essentially at rock bottom. We are now at a point where we are essentially churning out ignorant teens who are becoming ignorant adults and society as a whole will pay dearly, very soon, and if you think the hordes of easily terrified, mindless fundamentalist evangelical Christian lemmings have been bad for the soul of this country, just wait.
...
He cites studies, reports, hard data, from the appalling effects of television on child brain development (i.e.; any TV exposure before 6 years old and your kid's basic cognitive wiring and spatial perceptions are pretty much scrambled for life), to the fact that, because of all the insidious mandatory testing teachers are now forced to incorporate into the curriculum, of the 182 school days in a year, there are 110 when such testing is going on somewhere at Oakland High. As one of his colleagues put it, "It's like weighing a calf twice a day, but never feeding it."

But most of all, he simply observes his students, year to year, noting all the obvious evidence of teens' decreasing abilities when confronted with even the most basic intellectual tasks, from understanding simple history to working through moderately complex ideas to even (in a couple recent examples that particularly distressed him) being able to define the words "agriculture," or even "democracy." Not a single student could do it.

In case you weren't aware, I haven't been posting lately because I've been too busy thrilling the world. Or something like that.

"[T]he CHP reported receiving about 80 phone calls from witnesses or drivers reporting hair or blood on their cars."

2007-10-12T16:17:00.000-05:00

Ick. On my train ride yesterday morning, I looked onto HWY 880 and noticed a strange sight--nothing. This sight was particularly disturbing because this road is one of the most gridlocked roads in the country, and due to congestion I've never seen vehicles travel anywhere near the speed limit during this time of day. Upon arriving at my destination, I heard rumors ranging from "there must be extra construction going on" to "I heard there was a nasty accident." If only the reality were that pleasant.

I found out late last night that prior to my train passing the highway, a man had been run over repeatedly on the road during the morning commute.

Authorities say they may have trouble identifying a body found on Interstate 880 before dawn Thursday because it was repeatedly struck by passing cars for about an hour during the morning commute.

The first call to the California Highway Patrol that something was amiss came before 6 a.m. The caller reported a dead dog. Officers arrived at southbound I-880 in Hayward nearly an hour later and made the gruesome discovery.

On the ground was a human ear. The CHP immediately called for the freeway to be closed. It was 6:50 a.m., less than a half hour before sunrise.

The remains of the man were strewn across five lanes and 1,000 feet of highway, CHP Officer Mike Davis said.

My goodness. The story was clarified today when the police were finally able to identify the man.

The man found dead after being hit on Interstate 880 in Hayward was identified today as a hitchhiker who secretly clung to the back of a truck for 20 miles before losing his grip, falling to the freeway and being struck by numerous cars, authorities said.

Whenever I think I've gotten used to Nor.Cal., something like this happens and shocks the hell out of me. What a crazy world.

Whoa.

2007-09-21T17:50:00.000-05:00

Dear Giants,

Although you can only hope to be second in my heart (after, of course, the 'Crew), I will now start rooting for your team.

That being said, it would be nice if your team wasn't entirely made up of AARP-ers. Start grooming yourself some young talent. Please.

Yours,
-B

Pull of the Current

2007-09-21T15:42:00.000-05:00

Great pun, right? MPR's The Current has a slew of new in-studio music. You should probably listen to it, because it is mostly awesome.
The National stop by as do Chicago's The Sea and Cake, who recently put on a great show at High Noon Saloon. The interview leaves something to be desired, but the music is, as usual, very good.

Argh?

2007-09-19T22:59:00.000-05:00

Argh!!!!!!!!! Today be the 19th of the ninth month. And that means:

Lift the skin up, and put into the bunt the slack of the clews (not too taut), the leech and foot-rope, and body of the sail; being careful not to let it get forward under or hang down abaft. Then haul your bunt well up on the yard, smoothing the skin and bringing it down well abaft, and make fast the bunt gasket round the mast, and the jigger, if there be one, to the tie.

I can't believe that I didn't get down to 826 Valencia today. I hope Captain Rick isn't too diappointed.

In other great news, Erin brings word that NBC has figured out the formula to ratings gold! I'm quite excited. All I can say is that this is even better than if I was "on the beach taking in some cosmic rays."

Only in Georgia.

2007-09-18T19:15:00.000-05:00

The best thing I've read all day: Armless Man Delivers Fatal Head-Butt.

Police are investigating the death of a man who collapsed after he was head-butted by an armless man in a fight over a woman.
...
Police say Redfern, who was born with no right arm and only a short stump for his left arm, kicked Teer and Teer hit Redfern during the fight, which was due to long-standing bad blood over a woman who once dated Teer and now dates Redfern.
...
Known by the nickname "Rusty," Redfern made a name for himself in the late 1980s for pen and ink drawings he does using his foot.
...
He was one of six Georgians selected to represent the state at the 1989 International Arts Festival in Washington, D.C., and was commissioned by Georgia's then-Secretary of State Max Cleland for a series of illustrations depicting the state capitol.

[Redfern also] started Redfern Originals, Inc. in 1987, producing Christmas cards, stationery and limited-edition prints.

We're #1 & #10!

2007-09-17T14:52:00.000-05:00

Hooray for Wisconsin! The great dairy state is ranked number one and number ten! And don't forget, we've got another number one to be proud of, too.

Perhaps the state should change its motto from "Forward" to "Come enjoy our fantastically generic suburbs (now 87% more beige), cheap beer, and semi-tolerable football."

"In actual fact, for me, law school was a cross between boot camp and a cave."

2007-09-14T17:28:00.000-05:00

Those wise guys over at Common Sense Dancing found an insightful read for any future law students or recovering law students like myself.

Letter to a Young Law Student - Don't go to law school: But if you must, take my advice. By Dahlia Lithwick.

This advice for the rest of you—who applied to law school simply because you took the LSATs, and who took the LSATs simply because the MCATs were too hard. This advice is for the people who graduated college with the generalized sense that they ought to be doing good works on this planet but were uncertain how to go about it. In short, this advice is for those of you who, like me, went to law school hoping that the experience would be stimulating and/or mind-expanding; a liberal-arts grad school for political people.

Lithwick's column is quite good and I heartily recommend giving it a read if you've ever had a psychotic moment where you've considered attending law school. I wish I'd read it before I started law school and periodically throughout my career there.

"The results surprise even this surreal estate connoisseur."

2007-09-14T15:08:00.000-05:00

Argh. It looks we weren't alone in fighting this dreadfull rental market in San Francisco. From today's Chronicle: What's behind the current hot San Francisco rental market?

When Garner began culling the data a year ago, rents might have been high for the average graduate student but they were relatively stable. But in the past few months, the rents seem to have shot up. Average one-bedrooms, which hovered around $1,770 between September 2006 and April 2007, now go for about $1,980. And though two-bedroom prices dropped from about $2,600 in October 2006 to about $2,400 in February of 2007, they have since catapulted up to over $2,900. By the same token, three-bedrooms, which hit an annual bottom at around $2,950 in November 2006, rose to around $3,800 in August.

Sounds like a great city to raise a family, huh? Or not. Perhaps this partially explains why so many dogs have their day here.

There are an estimated 120,000 dogs in San Francisco, according to the city's Animal Care and Control department. There are anywhere from 108,000 to 113,000 children, according to U.S. census figures from 2000 and 2005.
...
Dogs dominate in part because it's becoming increasingly impossible for parents to afford to live in San Francisco -- 1,000 students disappear from the public schools each year. Also, a large percentage of the city's gay couples are choosing canines over kids, said Laura Cavaluzzo, San Francisco editor of urbanhound.com.

But, back to the rental market, I can't explain how terrible it was trying to go about landing an apartment this summer. It was amazing (and moreover, ridiculous) attending apartment showings only to have to compete with between 20-50 people treading through a tiny studio or "junior 1 bedroom." This article primarily speculates that the recent real estate fallout (i.e. interest rate increases and iffy variable-rate loans leading to home foreclosures) is what is fueling the increase, but I'm quite sure that there is a marked increase in demand with the summertime wave of recent college grads heading into the city--most people we ran into while on the hunt were 20-somethings looking for an affordable place (of which there are none). A rental guru from the city agrees:

The aggressive run-up in rentals, he says, is reflective of the robust Bay Area economy -- which has hired a new crop of young workers primarily looking for a studio or one-bedroom apartment.

On the plus side, I guess if we ever do move outside the city, life will seem a lot easier and a LOT more affordable. But for now, we're just thrilled to have a place.

F.E.C.A.L.S.

2007-09-13T11:08:00.000-05:00

This article is basically fact.

Frustrated with the Eagles' last-second 16-13 loss to the Green Bay Packers last Sunday, and with quarterback Donovan McNabb's failure to single-handedly score three touchdowns, prevent two of his teammates from muffing punts, or block any of Green Bay's field goals, thousands of Philadelphia fans demanded that McNabb win an NFL championship for Philadelphia sometime within the next three weeks.

Ugly ass game, but the pack finally beat the philadelphia fecals. The green and gold are 1-6 since I moved here.

Into Action...

2007-09-12T18:40:00.000-05:00

This place has been a bit desolate recently. Perhaps everyone is too sick to blog due to the many stress-induced heart attacks the Brewers are giving us lately. Sigh.

Well, Dr. B has the perfect cure for Turnbow-induced doldrums: a rocking dancehall tune from the East Bay's Tim Armstrong (you may know him from Operation Ivy, Rancid, or the Transplants--the dude stays busy). I heard the song on the radio the other day and was quite impressed by the tune and the fact that Tim is still blending the whole punk / ska / reggae / hardcore thing so well. Rock and roll.

"There's nasty, there's puerile, and then there's Mark Morford's hate mail. Wake the kids!"

2007-09-05T11:09:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite newspaper columns to read is by Mark Morford of the San Francisco Chronicle. He's akin to a Lewis Black, but more bitter and left-leaning. Needless to say, his columns (Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4) attract a bit of hate mail from across the country.

Here's a few of the recent gems. I especially love all the letters from "Christians" that obviously have taken the teachings of the Bible to heart.

Since you spend most of your life in never-never land, you might not be aware that you have an appointment to stand before the God of the Bible, and be judged by Him for your sins. And your contempt for God will be on the agenda. Try to enjoy the rest of your miserable, worthless life. Eternity is a long, long time.

I can't believe your audacity. We live in a death culture where people are contracepting, murdering children on a daily basis (abortion), and the world's population is growing eerily older as we speak. There will be no more children to support your sorry bum when you are older. Why?? Because NO ONE is having children!!! There will be no more social security and no more "workers" in your nursing home. Why?? Because you all chose to have no more children. Look at Europe!! The Muslims are taking over because the Europeans are too selfish to have kids of their own!!!!!!
God Bless You.

I can't wait to read your articles once Mitt Romney takes the white house. Honestly, there's nobody on either side of the aisle that can challenge him. i wish there were. it would make for a better election. He's ronald reagan part deux. and guess what dude.....he's MORMON!! oh this is gonna be so great! you are gonna be SOOOOO angry! he's gonna take away all your freedoms mark!! all your freedoms and liberties!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Wowzas.

2007-09-04T22:14:00.000-05:00

Pop quiz time! One of the following is not true--but which one?

A. After visiting a museum this weekend, I saw a homeless guy projectile vomit in the middle of the street.
B. Soon before that, I saw two guys urinating in public within 30 feet of each other. The view was partially obscured by a tripped-out heroin addict.
C. I saw two completely naked men walking hand-in-hand across the middle of a busy intersection. (In all honesty, they may not have been completely naked, as I didn't see if they were wearing shoes.)
D. Karl Rove, Bill O'Reilly and George Bush are all secretly peace-loving hippies.

What a magnificient city.

In other news:
Oakland: 92.
San Fran: 79.

Oh, and I think I've finally found my calling as an attorney.

My head hurts.

2007-08-29T18:23:00.000-05:00

Point.

Counterpoint.

As an aside, could the Brewers pitching staff suck any more? For some silly reason I recently dished out big bucks and put on my Sconnie shirt only to see the Crew score 6 runs in the first three innings and still lose. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

This Ain't No Glass Ceiling...

2007-08-13T16:36:00.000-05:00

Other than open-air drug dealing/use, public urination/defecation, the biggest complaint most people in SF would probably have regarding "antisocial" behaviors would the overabundance of car break-ins. Perhaps once a day I see a window of a parked car shattered, and several times a day you'll see a pile of glass where it has recently occurred. We've learned that if you leave ANYthing visible in a car, it will probably get broken into.

The smash-and-grab syndrome has gotten so bad, Dudley said, that people are leaving their cars unlocked with cards on the dashboard that read, "Nothing to steal.'' Source.

Until now, nothing much has been done. The DA says that it is impossible to charge these people, as they are hardly ever caught, and even if they are then the thief will claim that they "found" the stolen goods. But I wonder if this may change--for once, the government got stung by this crime (in quite a ballsy heist).

In San Francisco, even the state's top lawman is not immune to getting his car broken into - even when it's parked next to City Hall.

Just ask Attorney General Jerry Brown, who had his official state car broken into while it was left briefly in front of the State Building at Civic Center.

"Right across from City Hall, in plain view of the mayor's office," Brown said. "He could have seen it from his office window."
Brown said he and his driver hadn't been in the building more than 10 minutes when they came back to find someone had smashed the passenger-side window of his 6-year-old Lincoln Town Car.
...
According to police statistics, so far this year, thieves have broken into cars in San Francisco an average of 32 times a day. "That's unacceptable," said mayoral spokesman Nathan Ballard, "but it does show a 28 percent drop from last year," when cars were being busted into 43 times a day.

As for former Oakland Mayor Brown, he's seen enough: "I'm going back to Oakland. I've never had my car broken into there."

I hope something gets done, but I'm not holding my breath.

Yee...C'mon...Check.

2007-08-13T12:09:00.000-05:00

Wow.

The music blog Nailler9 alerted me to a hot new video that comes out of Hungary. In particular, a rap video.

The guy goes by the name "Speak," and he has a rather-empty website. But don't let that stop you from enjoying THIS MASTERPIECE.

It is probably the best music video I’ve ever seen (this week). Here’s why:

1. Speak’s strange rapping style.
2. The opening monologue which is a shoutout to Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Tupac (his favourite) and the victims of 9-11.
3. The bling car shot.
4. “Yee C’mon”.
5. The four warbling singers and those lyrics.
6. The “Business” bit.
7. This is supposedly no pisstake.
8. THE LYRICS DUDE!
9. The Chris de Burgh lookalike reaching for those high notes.
10. The pigeon!

I'm sure when you're done watching the video you'll want to print off the lyrics for yourself.