James Bloomer

Save Tomorrow With A Smiley

2008-11-22T10:00:32Z

The story was inspired by a manger who always put inappropriate smileys into every email that she sent ;-)

No one can remember the exact day that the smileys became sentient. No one ever dreamt that a smiley would save us all. No one now can imagine a world without them. I tried. I tried to leave it all behind but I kept getting sucked back in. Unwillingly.

The Paths You Would Walk now online at Every Day Fiction

2008-03-18T09:32:16Z

My flash story The Paths You Would Walk is now online at Every Day Fiction

The Paths You Would Walk

2008-03-18T09:27:07Z

Every Day Fiction

How far would we go to fight off an alien invasion?

A Letter Of Complaint

2008-01-18T10:17:26Z

Spacesuits And Sixguns

If you've ever done your grocery shopping online - and have been left baffled at the produce that actually turns up - then this one is for you.

A Letter Of Complaint now online in Spacesuits And Sixguns

2008-01-18T10:15:28Z

My story A Letter Of Complaint is online in the new issue of Spacesuits and Sixguns Magazine.

The End

2007-11-30T08:00:00Z

It all stopped. Suddenly. Finally. All dimensions curled up and shrank away. All m-branes. All universes.
Everything.
Until there was nothing.
The end.

The Intergalactic Helpdesk

2007-11-29T08:00:00Z

"Hello, Intergalactic Helpdesk, how can I help?"

"Oh, hi, yeah, my world is broken."

"Broken?"

"Yeah, it's just not working right."

"Okay. Is it turned on?"

"Yes. I'm not stupid."

"Okay, sir, I just have to follow procedure. Please tell me what you see. Do you have a planetary system?"

"Yes, eight planets and some rocks around a type IV star."

"Okay, fine, and the physics is working okay?"

"Well, yes, on a macro scale."

"But...?"

"Well on a quantum scale it gets all weird."

"Yes? And?"

"What? That's normal?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Is that all sir?"

"No, wait. That's not my problem. It's the world that has life on it."

"Okay, can you give me the biosphere version number please."

"Yeah, it's 70N1604A."

"Ah, okay, and you have carbon based lifeforms?"

"Yes. It's a lovely planet. Well, was. The lifeforms have started trashing it. There's a runaway species overwhelming everything. I think it might be a virus or something."

"Okay, this is quite common. I have some suggestions for you."

"Oh, okay, great."

"Firstly you could introduce a less virulent but superior species from another of your planets."

"I haven't got life on any other planets."

"Okay, that's fine. You could engineer a biological disease to cull the population."

"Sounds tricky."

"I could talk you through it."

"I don't like the sound of that. Any other ideas?"

"You could crash a lump of rock into the planet, you should be able to keep some smaller species and some plants."

"Ermmm."

"Or you could try what we we call a hard reboot."

"What's that?"

"Tweak the star to go nova and create something new out of the debris."

"That sounds a bit drastic."

"Well, yes."

"What would you do?"

"To be honest, I'd do nothing."

"Nothing?"

"That's right, in my experience these virulent lifeforms will usually self destruct anyway. They'll either kill themselves or alter the biosphere to prevent their survival. The population explosion will soon be over and you'll be able to get back to some serious creation."

"Oh."

"However I should point out that the official helpdesk policy does not recommend leaving virulent species unattended. It was just my personal opinion."

"But you've seen that work? Right?"

"Usually, yes."

"But not one hundred percent?"

"No."

"Oh. Wow. This is a pain. I don't know. I thought it would be easy."

"Life is never easy sir."

"Ha. No. You know what? I'm not going to take the risk, I'm going for a hard reboot. Can you talk me through how to make my star go nova?"

"Certainly sir."

Another Leaf Fell

2007-11-28T08:00:00Z

Another leaf fell. A small piece of the world dying. Matrokisha watched with heavy depression settling on his mind.
How many seconds to shutdown now?
He'd given up counting, the endless countdown pulled his spirits even lower.
A gust of wind. Another hundred leaves fell.
Time falling past.
Life falling past.
Like all the other lives. And it never became any easier: watching them die, watching the world die, leaving. The moments of joy scattered throughout the past were infected by sadness.
Eternity, not what he was promised.

Brane Transportation Required

2007-11-27T08:00:00Z

Wanted: M-brane slide. Low usage. Good brand. Must cope with n-verse probabilities. Willing to pick up.

Coming Home

2007-11-26T08:00:00Z

They came back. No one expected that. They had been sent away, packed into a generation ship and pointed towards some non-existent hope. Ten generations later and the ship roared back into the orbit it had once left. And its inhabitants were no longer the dregs of society, they were smart and strong and looking for revenge.
The skies swarmed with the prodigal sons and daughters, vengeful angels from the past. Those that had sent them panicked, fearful of the mess their ancestors had created.
Chaos. Without a single act of aggression.
And those who returned realised that they were so far above the planet bound as to be another species. Above them. In so many ways. It wasn't sorrow, or regret, or mercy. Just indifference.
The old world was gloomy, dank, depressing.
So they left. Again.

For Sale

2007-11-25T08:00:00Z

For sale: quantum core. Only 10³⁴ universes spawned.

Bank Holiday

2007-11-24T08:00:00Z

Bank Holiday teleporter tailback. Overloaded. Queues at the booths. Beaches crowded beyond comfort. Proces hiked.
"The teleporter will free you!"
Bring back my car.

Fleeing the Apocalypse

2007-11-23T08:00:00Z

Can you outrun the apocalypse? We thought we'd try.

We stayed off the log-jammed roads, and rode bikes through silent, empty woods. Until the quarantine bit tight and we abandoned the land.

We swam through the muddy river water until exhausted, then floated and let the river take us. Diving deep at bridges. Digging under nets that tried to stop us. Out onto the coast.

Along the country's edge, passing hulks of ships overcrowded with dead. Searching for a vessel to carry us, and finding it locked away and remote, and so perfect we cried.

Into the ocean. Into the wild sea. The only place we know to be safe. Learning how to live a new life.

But...

2007-11-22T08:00:00Z

"But..."
"I merely pointed out that the regression occurred straight after your last change."

"But you..."

"The fact of the matter is that now we have yet another problem to deal with, another problem on our already long list."

"I didn't..."

"A long list that needs to be completed by Friday, need I remind you?"

"So..."

"We can't afford to overrun on this do you understand?"

"It was not my fault."

"Now, now. We don't have time for blame, what matters is that we resolve the issue."

"You blamed..."

"What *is* the problem?"

Huw felt the rage and anger overwhelm him. He turned his back on his boss Steve. The chair stood before him like a weapon. Huw's hands grabbed the chair and began to lift it. Enough. No more.

Time froze.

"Is that a good idea?" said a gentle voice beside him.

Huw turned to see who had spoken. It was a pretty young woman, slim and lean, long black hair, tight skinny T-shirt and distressed jeans. Her face was pale, her eyes deep and black. Huw tried to move but could not.

"Who are you?" said Huw.

"I'm Fay," said the woman.

"Let me guess, my fairy Godmother?"

She laughed. A laugh like petals blown across a marble floor. "No," she said, "just a second chance."

"He's a wanker," said Huw. "And I've had enough of him."

"And is violence the answer?"

Huw looked into her eyes and lost himself for a long second.

"No," said Huw quietly.

Fay smiled. Then she vanished.

Huw could move again. He grabbed the chair and let the rage surge back.

"I don't believe in second chances," he said, then he twisted violently, slamming the chair into Steve's head.

Destabilise

2007-11-21T08:00:00Z

The solar system's intelligence ascended into a morass of quantum entanglement, making all things possible. In the future it saw misery, as progress assimilated the galaxy, uncaring of species or history. And it knew that alive, it could not resist, the urge to evolve and expand too overwhelming.

So it reached deep into the universe, tweaked fundamental physical laws, and watched its quantum states destabilise in a wave of cleansing. Leaving a fresh universe. To start again.