JamTheCat

So much for my Facebook Ads...

2013-05-21T23:19:00.003-04:00

I set up two ads on Facebook -- 1 for "The Lyons' Den", 1 for "Bobby Carapisi - The Full Novel" -- and while each of them has gotten hundreds of "likes", it doesn't appear to have made a bit of difference in sales. In fact, from what I can see off Amazon, LD's sales are down, while BC just chugs along at its usual pace. Oh well. I tried.

Didn't make any difference that I got some good reviews on Amazon and GoodReads. Oh, they make me feel good, and mitigate against some of the very negative ones I've gotten for BC. I guess I'm more of a niche writer than I thought.

I'm still ticked about what happened with OT. I've been trying to replicate what I did on it as I was working my way through, but it doesn't have the light touch I think the lost file had. It read clumsy, to me. Of course, I may be just overly-critical and too-fondly remembering what might have been facile work, but it's irritating.

I watched "Silver Linings Playbook" instead of writing, this evening. I'm having trouble with a bill collector who thinks my name is Kevin Sullivan, so I'm sending him a registered letter telling him, basically, to fuck off or else. Anybody want to take bets all of a sudden, after he gets my letter, the name of the party he's looking for is actually "Kyle"? Fortunately, even though my finances are squirrelly, I am current with everything and have nothing for anyone to go chasing me for.

Probably not a good idea to watch the movie, though. I didn't like it. I finished it, but I didn't believe a moment of it, and for the life of me cannot understand how Jennifer Lawrence even got nominated, let alone how she won. The script was awkward, had a ludicrous setup for the ending, and it avoided some scenes that I would have thought were indispensable -- like showing Tiffany lie to Pat, to his face, to get him to do the dance competition. Plus David O Russell kept going for shots that made no sense to me.

At least Bradley Cooper is easy on the eyes. Not a deep actor, but...aw, who cares? The damn thing got made; that's what really counts. All else is just sour grapes.

Some of "...Owen Taylor"

2013-05-20T23:28:00.004-04:00

I flew to LAX and rented a small car. I still could’ve driven -- it’s only 1200 miles -- but I wanted to be back by Sunday and besides, the car I’d bought for around town was crap. That’s why Tone borrowed his dad’s Chrysler for the out of town trips; it was brand new. I could’ve leased a car, but I really hadn’t expected to stay so long.

Tone wasn’t easy about me going, but I still couldn’t get him to tell me what was up. He just kept saying he was fine, which was bullshit; I could tell by how careful he was being in his words. But I figured since his next probation appointment wasn’t for another week – though if all went well, he might not even need to go – and since Fernandez was handling negotiations with the AG, I could be gone for five days. I knew Fernandez’d come to me, first, once he had a deal he was happy with, and that wouldn’t happen till Monday, at the earliest. So Tone had no reason to be so...hell, so quiet about the whole damn thing. But that’s just like him. Sends out his signals and it’s up to you to figure out what the hell they mean. The little shit.

But I had to find out about Uncle Owen. He’d backed me up so many times, I owed him at least a fly-by. So I headed out on the cattle car line and arrived just before ten, in the middle of one of their rare cold snaps.

It’s a hundred miles from LAX to Palm Springs, which took a good three hours thanks to LA’s non-stop stop-and-go traffic and people who don’t know what it means to watch the road or care about the other people on the freeway. By the time I reached Uncle Owen’s condo, I’d avoided getting sideswiped twice, nearly been rear-ended once, and I’d definitely been cut off forty-seven times. Meaning, I was ready to start ripping heads off.

It was the same place I’d been to when I was out here, the last time – Playa Royale. The Queen’s Beach. Too perfect. It’s a complex of twelve tan, stucco townhouses lining the top of a rocky hill. You had to work your way up a winding private road to get to a security gate that opened into a cul-de-sac, and there stood three two-story townhouses to the left side; five three-story ones to the right, with another four three-story structures crowded around the circle at the end of the drive. Covered parking was behind the shorter buildings while the taller ones had built-in garages. From Palm Valley Boulevard, it looked a Moorish castle. And you want to talk about having the high ground? They all had fantastic views of Palm Springs and the wind farms, not to mention a desert that went on forever.

This wan not my idea of a comfortable place to live; I’m a trees and streams kind of guy. But...I didn’t live here; my uncle did, and he’d always made sure it was damn well-kept, not just in trash pickup but in repairs, so that’s what I expected to find. Instead, two of the units had “For Sale” signs in front and another one looked deserted. It had broken windows and the stucco was cracked.

Turns out the numbers he put on his note were the code for the security gate – his birthdate. The gate swung open and I slowly drove in. Uncle Owen lived in a two-story place, so I pulled around back to find his sheltered parking space empty. In fact, no one was around. No cars. No nothing. It was almost like a ghost town.

I checked the back door; it was locked. I tried the key he’d sent me, but no-go. And it wasn’t to his front door, either. Shit, then why’d he send it to me?

No one answered the doorbell. I peeked in through a mail slot and saw a massive pile of envelopes and fliers, but the blinds were closed and it was too dark to see anything except there was still furniture inside. The complex was watched over by a security company, but no number accompanied its signs. I finally called Matt.

“What’s that management company you mentioned?” I asked.

“Palmetto Properties,” he said, then gave me the address.

I Googled it on my phone. It was just up Palm Canyon, so I headed over.

Free your mind...

2013-05-19T20:35:00.003-04:00

...And the rest will do back-flips to make it all right. I had the ticket so went to see it --

...and loved it. Caught all the references to the TV show and previous movies (including one that was really at the wrong time for the emotion, but I could understand why). Benedict Cumberbatch oversold it a little, but that worked. I'm no longer anti-Chris Pine in any way. And Zachary...oh, Zachary...I am SO glad I referenced your Spock in "The Lyons' Den". I felt very Tad when I saw you in uniform.

(If you don't understand the reference, buy and read the fucking book...but here's a hint...)

Still gots some attitudes from earlier, today. BUT...as I was waiting for the show to begin, it hit me as to what VoOT is all about and why it happens and the reasons for Jake to be involved. Reasons that extend beyond blood or family. Glad I had paper with me.

So I'm feeling better. And I'm already thinking I'll buy both of the J J Abrahms Star Treks on DVD, once this one comes out. By then I hope to be back in control of my financial situation.

Ha! Dream on.

Oh, and uh...sweet dreams are also made of these...

Freak out

2013-05-19T14:20:00.002-04:00

I lost everything I did on OT after 12:30pm, yesterday. I was working on it in Word as my car got inspected. When that was done, I did a save and also put it on a thumb drive. I do that all that time. Then when I got home, I got back to work on OT with no problem and went through a couple more chapters. And saved it 4-5 times while working. All on my laptop. It looked fine when I shut down, last night, but when I went to find it, today...nothing. The file is gone. Completely.

I dug through every other file I had on my desktop. Nothing. Checked the trash. Nothing. Looked into "recent items." Nothing. I had to reload it from my thumb drive.

What makes this crazy is, I was doing a Word doc of the characters and had forgotten to put that in the file so left it on my desktop...and still was there when I fired up my laptop, today. So I was able to reconstruct some of what I'd done off that and off the handwritten notes I'd been making.

But now I'm spooked. That was hours worth of work and I'm still not completely back to where I was, and I've already bought an online ticket to see "Star Trek". I'm tempted to let it go and keep focused on this...but the damn thing's over $11 and no refunds. I dunno. Maybe I need to break my brain from this crap and hope that helps me figure out what the hell happened.

Carli...if I find out you had something to do with this, your names IS changing to Kali.

Carli and Jake

2013-05-18T23:21:00.003-04:00

I'm going through what I've already written on "...Owen Taylor" and working up a character list as I summarize each chapter. It's a busy little story; good thing Jake's there to keep everything in order.

Thing is, Carli's not giving up. She's still pushing aspects of her story at me. And she finally convinced me to watch "Kill Bill", both parts. I put it on my Netflix roster. She also reminded me of a Truffaut film I saw years ago -- "The Bride Wore Black", starring Jeanne Moreau. That was about a woman whose husband is shot as they're exiting the church after their wedding, and she takes revenge on the men who did it.

Thing is, it was an drunken accident. A stupid one worthy of intentional manslaughter charges, but was not a deliberate murder. Yet she destroys each man's life, even setting herself up to be arrested and put in jail so she can get to one of them. It's really pretty chilling.

I hear Tarantino swears he's never seen the film, but I find that unlikely. He used to work in a video store in Santa Monica that was famous for its selection of DVDs and videos, and he always said, "I didn't go to film school, I went to films." So...I guess I'll find out if he was influenced by it with "Kill Bill".

But Jake's strong enough to keep Carli back till he's done. And what I've gone through, so far, is pretty solid. I even named a pro-gay organization -- Gays And Lesbians Against Injustice And Targeting of Homosexuals, AKA: GALIATH -- and even a possible bank -- Gay and Lesbian Federal Union of Credit, Universal. Work that one out for yourself.

But Carli added a gay aspect to CK, out of nowhere, that adds to the meaning of the story. The bitch. I got a feeling this is going to be an ongoing battle. Pissed off gay man against pissed off straight woman.

What fun.

I been life lesson'd...

2013-05-17T23:51:00.000-04:00

When I was in LA, I went to Loma Linda to talk with a guy who liked my writing and projects and wanted to look into making something. It turned out to be another bit of hot air; I guess I've lost my ability to suss that out, since I left the West Coast. But I did take the chance to go to Palm Springs (above) for "The Vanishing of Owen Taylor", because it's set there and I needed the visual to make sure I had things right. I then went to Riverside and checked out the courthouse area, since Jake has to go there. I found some things had to be changed while others worked okay.

Then I put it aside because I got my inner buzz going on writing some low-budget scripts and selling them to places like Troma and Asylum for whatever piddly amounts they offer. It'd be a way to bring in cash and get some things made, even if they were straight to video. Pulled together a dozen ideas, including reworking a few I'd already written.

I started out with "Carli Kills" because I could set that in four locations in an unnamed part of the desert that covers so much of the Southwest. Had it all planned out. She's out for revenge. Meets a guy who helps her. Things go too far. But she triumphs in the end...albeit with damage and the possibility of a franchise. A sort of anti-heroine out to rid the world of pond scum that's taken the shape of men and women.

This is where the life lesson comes in. Once I started working on it, and Carli got to talking to me...and Zeke joined in...within a week all dreams of simplicity and any idea of just dashing the story off vanished. Completely. Moments began showing up that you just cannot put on film. Moments that reminded me more of torture porn, though at least mine was about something more than just finding scary ways to hurt people before you kill them...in my mind, anyway.

You see, we're not talking "Hostel" or "Saw", here (which, to be honest, were sort of my templates, with a good dash of Wes Craven). We're talking Dante's "Inferno" and Milton's works of heaven and hell and the "eye for an eye" kind of tragedy that drives people to madness. And I couldn't keep it out. Carli developed into a near archangel gunning for Armageddon, when the innocent and the guilty are ripped to shreds. And Zeke became her only contact with humanity. Which threw my whole story off.

Nobody would have bought this script. Not even if I got the probable budget down to $150K. I finally got it through my thick skull that I'd just be writing another screenplay meant to go nowhere. I've got too many of those, already.

So...today after work, I dug back into VoOT. It's got a viciousness underlying it, but one that works within the parameters of the story. And which I'm leavening with some humor, dammit. Jake's got a wicked sense of fun in this one; mixing that with his "no bullshit" attitude should be interesting, at least. I'm going to give him full rein on it.

But the plans I had when I returned from LA were of the nonsense variety...again. Story of my life lessons.

Is that light at the end of the tunnel?

2013-05-16T23:33:00.001-04:00

Or just a train headed for me? I've spent the last couple of days lost in a headache that's just now beginning to go away, so haven't been able to do much of anything as regards writing or thinking clearly or even watching a movie or reading. Man...I'm feeling my age, right now.

But the headache's slowly drifting off and the fog is beginning to disburse. And right now the only person who seems to be talking to me is Jake, from "...Owen Taylor". David started to, from "David Martin", but his story is being read by a nine year-old girl so I'm waiting for her verdict to see if this is clear enough and ready to continue with.

Jake, however, is doing his nudging. "Check out what you've done so far, buddy. See if you can get it finished and out there. I'm ready for the fight." I think I'll oblige him. The story's 60% done, if I remember right.

CK, however, has become darkness, incarnate. I don't know if I can do what the story wants done in a script. I may have to shift it to book form. You can get away with in a lot more in a novel than you can in a film.

I think the classic example is Stephen King's "Misery". It was made into a movie with Kathy Bates (who won the Oscar) and James Caan, adapted by William Goldman. The story is about a woman so obsessed with a character in a novel, when the author kills that character off, she goes nuts, kidnaps him and forces him to write her back in.

In the book, Kathy's character chops off James Caan's character's feet so he can't try to escape from her, again. Goldman loved that scene, but Rob Reiner, the director, changed it to her breaking his ankles. Goldman hated the idea...until he saw the film and realized Reiner was right -- showing her maiming the man would have been far too violent for the movie audience and would have killed any sympathy for her character.

That didn't make sense to me until now. Carli wants to do some things that will, quite simply, be wrong. And I'm talking about a lot worse than cutting the tattoos off a living man, but by causing the death of someone innocent of any wrongdoing. And doing it deliberately so she could get at the men she's after.

It reminds me of stories that came out of Russia, after Chechen rebels had taken over a school and were threatening to kill the teachers and kids. The army went in and killed the rebels...even though it meant killing a number of the kids. They saved most of them, but they accepted the others' death as necessary to keep the rebels from achieving their goals. The same thing happened when Chechens took over a theater audience; over a hundred hostages died when the army took the theater back (using gas and bullets), but several hundred more were saved. Same thing with a hospital. Since then, the Chechens haven't tried that kind of stuff...so maybe it was worth it; maybe it wasn't. I don't know.

That's the kind of thing Carli's aiming for. I halfway think I should change her name to Cali, after the Hindu goddess associated with death and destruction. The name Kali means "black", but has also come to mean "force of time". Today, she's seen as the goddess of time and change, which can be dark and violent, and can also mean annihilation.

In other words -- one spooky-assed bitch. And that's my Carli.

Sometimes I scare me.

Something is wrong...

2013-05-14T22:50:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is, yet, but I couldn't sleep, last night, and I've had one of my near-headaches all day, today, that's now migrating into my back. That usually means somewhere in the jumble of my brain an issue is having trouble resolving itself and is demanding attention. But like a friggin' cat, it won't tell me what it is. I've got to sort through the strum-und-drang for myself to figure it out.

I took this photo by accident as I was coming out of India Grill, last month, and it gives the perfect illustration of my thoughts, right now. Ostensibly, there's not a very interesting image there, but being warped and hidden behind the glare of the world gives it an undue emotion and sensibility. And makes my eyes hurt.

I think I'll just go sit under a hot shower for the next six years. Maybe that'll help release the snake coiled around my neck.

Zeke's spiritual home...

2013-05-13T23:00:00.002-04:00

Trolltunga, Hardangerfjord, Norway

Trolltunga is one of the most spectactular scenic cliffs in Norway...situated about 1100 meters above sea level, hovering 700 metres above lake Ringedalsvatnet in Skjeggedal. The view is breathtaking. The hike goes through high mountains, takes 8-10 hours in total (to Trolltunga and return) and the ascent is about 900 meters.The hike is usually possible to do from mid June, depending on when the snow melts in the mountains. Normally one can hike to Trolltunga until mid September.

It's located on the splotch of tan to the left of the Ø in Sørfjord. There's a small town at the very tip of the Sørfjord -- Odda -- which would be spectacular to see unto itself.

I had a great aunt Irene who went to Norway to research the family tree -- I'm 1/4 Norwegian on my mother's side -- and she'd talk of the beauty of this world, but I never really appreciated how gorgeous it could be till I saw this image.

This is what fires Zeke. He's got the blood of Vikings in him, and it keeps him going. On top of it, as I was looking into this, I heard a single on KCRW -- "Soulless" by The Service. It fits the whole feel of "Carli Kills"...the direction it seems to be going. Deeper and deeper into film noir.

I think the perfect movie from that genre was "Out of the Past" (1947) with Robert Mitchum, Kirk Douglas, and Jane Greer. But that one's gonna be patty-cake compared to CK, if this keeps going the way I think it is. (NOTE: Don't watch the TOQATM review if you haven't seen the movie; its surprises are amazing and he gives some of them away.)

BTW, my aunt built up a family tree back to 1655. I have a copy. I should get it mounted and framed.

Gotta spew...

2013-05-12T17:31:00.000-04:00

Still in avoidance as regards CK. Went looking for a good model to use as David for DM and came up zeroes in Shutterstock and Fast Foto. Nothing but the same crap poses over and over and over.

So I'm blowing off the weekend and just spewing my (very) liberal politics mixed with some artwork I'm going to do, in acrylic.

I found this image a while ago on a website, and it fits perfectly with the feeling I get when I read the comments sections in the news...and in reaction to my own comments. One massive drawback to the internet is, it lets the scum take over because they like to scream and get a reaction from people. So they say vile things -- like execute 17 year olds who've caused the death of someone, and desecrate the grave of a man who's accused of being a terrorist, and all Muslims are evil and hate us and crap. They despise abortion and Islam, but don't mind guns slaughtering hundreds of children every year. It's sickening.

On top of it all is the upswing in anti-gay attacks all over the country, including 2 in NYC within the last week, and how more "christian" leaders are using gays to scare their flocks into opposing any rights for us, let along the right to marry. Brian Fischer of the American Family Association (or something like that) even blamed the financial collapse on gays. That's on a par with Pat Robertson blaming 9/11 on us...12 years ago. No surprise we're still considered legitimate targets for anger.

I lay a lot of the blame on the GOP, with Democrats sharing some of it for not really pushing back against Republican insanity. And I mean insanity. Darrell Issa, a congressman from California who's been linked to auto fraud and who bankrolled a quasi-legal coup against a democratically elected governor, has spent 4 1/2 years trying to find something to impeach Obama over, and has come up zeroes. But he's still at it with Benghazi and now the IRS stuff.

Texas elected a certifiable nutcase to the senate -- Ted Cruz, who cannot make a coherent argument to save his life but sure as hell gets paid attention to, even when condescending to Diane Feinstein over gun violence...who was a lot nicer to him in her response than I would have been. He's being considered as a candidate for President, for god's sake.

I cannot tell you how many gay people I know who tell me they don't support all of the GOP platform (esp. as regards gays) but they're better at managing the debt and keeping taxes down. Maybe once upon a time they were, but this chart clearly shows that since Reagan, they've been blowing taxpayer money left and right, which will eventually lead to massive tax increases.

Even under Clinton, the ratio of debt to GDP was going down, but did the GOP care? No, they impeached him for lying about cheating on his wife. Under Bush, it shot back up, but did the GOP care? No, they handed the keys to the treasury over to the likes of the Koch brothers and Haliburton...until Bush 2 collapsed the economy. Then everything became the Democrats' problem and the liberals' fault.

I'm not crazy about how Obama backstabbed liberals and put us down as "the professional left", but it's not his fault tax revenues go down when an economy is in recession, and unemployment claims and need for food stamps and other means to keep people alive go up. It's economics 101. But you wouldn't know that from the GOP. It's all Democrats tax and spend" and idiots listen to them.

If you really you think for 2 seconds that Republicans have the best interests of Americans at heart, look at the list below. That's today's GOP. Anything to make Obama and the Democrats look bad; nothing to help the people who seriously need it. And this is just in Washington. You go to the state level, it gets even worse.

If al Qaeda really wanted to destroy America, they'd put all their resources into electing more Republicans to office. The US would be toast in less than a decade.

Rant over. Now I'm gonna go paint.

It's war...

2013-05-11T23:26:00.000-04:00

Wow...what a fun day. Carli's out to take the story over and run with it. She's revealed she was a non-com in the Army and has been to Afghanistan, so she knows how to fight. Use a gun. Use a knife. Plot strategy. And detach herself, emotionally, from her enemy and his well-being. She's got a goal, and she's gonna get there, even if it means using Zeke.

At the same time, Zeke is pushing back. Not so much fighting as being insanely Zen. He's been in prison. He knows what hate and anger can do. He's done it. He's become a rock against Carli's hard place (and I may use that phrase with ALL its sexual innuendo in the story). He's become the antagonist, but for good, because he knows Carli's quest will destroy her...and he will do anything to prevent that.

Suddenly I have no idea how to dramatize this. How to write it. Not as a script. I might be able to as a book...but that's not what I set out to do. I wanted to write something fast and cheesy I could sell to Troma or some other straight-to-video company, who could then do what they wanted with it...so long as they paid me in cash. That idea is now in the toilet.

I spent all day trying to sort it out in my brain, and did all sorts of crap to keep from getting freaky over it. Made potato pancakes for brunch (using a recipe I heard on NPR, once) then cooked a tuna casserole. I defrosted and cleaned my fridge. Tried to watch "How Green Was My Valley" but just couldn't handle the sweetness and decency of it. Wrote down notes Carli shoved in my mind. Posted reviews of three of my books on their FaceBook pages. Anything but seriously focus on the script...because I'm lost with it.

Should I start a different horror script? Something with a cheesier premise? I've got one dealing with ancient Aztecs on an island off the coast of Mexico using college kids on Spring Break as sacrifices to the gods. I saw a story about a ghost town in Argentina that used to be underwater but now that the lake's level has dropped is available to see, again. Couple of ghosts and some sightseers and there's another one.

Only now I'm spooked (pun not intended). If I get into those scripts, will the same thing happen? I've got so many other stories I want to focus on; I don't need more. Jeez.

I dunno...maybe I'm just not disciplined enough to make it go the way I want. Big surprise there.

Recent trip to Seattle...

2013-05-10T23:33:00.001-04:00

I'm on a ferry headed back to town after trying to find a steak house I'd heard of in Bremerton, but nobody knew anything about. Instead I had a decent pulled pork sandwich at a restaurant near the ferry and damn near missed the boat because my server was so friggin' slow.

Hasn't changed much since the first time I went, 4 years ago...no, wait...I went nearly 8 years back, the first time. In November 2005, to accept an award for "Bugzters", my family film script. I came in 2nd, and got a check for $300, which paid for half the trip from LA. I also got a certificate, and it hangs on the wall by my desk.

That was the script I tried to make into an animation film and nearly lost a couple of friends over it. It was good as it was, for live action, but I thought I could do what was necessary to make it work in a different format...and found I couldn't. I liked my characters as they were, and the demands for changes were at the point of being ludicrous.

That was also when I started realizing, no matter how good your script is, most people in the film business will want to change it because "it's not good enough." It's never good enough. I finally got to where I understood the only way something of mine would get made is if I connected with someone who a.) would not take no for an answer and b.) believed in my writing enough to tell a producer, "I don't care what you think; it's perfect as is and we're making it as is, and we'll make a killing by doing that." Meaning someone who was passionate about the project. I was passionate about my writing, but I have never had the ability to instill confidence in people about my abilities. I'm still far too open to thinking other people's opinions have more validity than mine, and that is deadly in any business like Hollywood.

I took this as the ferry exited the inlet and headed back across Puget Sound. I like the composition and the feeling of it. Like the ferry's trail curving across and around. Like the calmness of it...and hint of isolation and danger.

Seattle's got a lot going for it, and I'm at home with the whole atmosphere of the place...but I still couldn't live there. It's so tight and hard to get around. And would really be no different from Buffalo, right now.

Outlined...

2013-05-09T23:46:00.003-04:00

I have 5 more pages worked up between Zeke and Carli...leading up to Zeke getting the hell beat out of him by the sheriff. It's pretty rough and entails Zeke finally opening up to Carli...and I halfway wonder if she's doing what I almost think she's doing -- setting him up. I'm loathe to go that direction, but she is a terror in this script.

I think of "Buffy..." and how she was strong and conflicted but good at heart and in soul. A spoiled Valley Girl who became a heroine and role model...for a while. She did what she had to do, including send Angel to hell. And she lived with it. I think that's what's so great about that show -- because there's nothing else like it on TV. I tried watching that Cajun vampire thing, "True Blood", but it was more interested in showing asses and tits than in decent storytelling. And I stopped "Twilight" halfway in because I could not handle how stupid it was, not to mention Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison(?) grating on me like nails on a chalk board.

But Carli's not turning out like either of them. In fact, she's not at all in-between. She's more like another female lead I wrote, in screenplay form -- Claire in "Brand of Justice", who gets so focused on protecting her family, she damn near gets herself killed and destroys the life she's carefully built up. She even drives away the man she loves.

Which reminds me of Antony...and Alec...and Curt...and Niko, in my revenge script, "Kazn". Even Eric, in "Bobby Carapisi". All of whom learn that revenge feeds on whomever it wants, be they innocent or guilty. But at the end, they all have an idea they've stepped over boundaries and become too close to animals. I don't think Claire will do that, if it goes that far...and that makes me uncomfortable.

Of course, rewatching "The Virgin Spring", I get an idea of where the idea about vengeance comes from. The father even attacks the young brother of the men who raped and murdered his daughter, a kid who was there but did not even try to participate in what happened...and is wracked with guilt over it. But the father is more beast than human by that point.

I guess that's my theme for my work in general -- vengeance is a wild beast that doesn't care who it feeds upon; innocent, guilty, they're all food for its anger and hate.

Cut clean and create chaos...

2013-05-08T23:33:00.000-04:00

Trimmed a bit out of CARLI KILLS...and a new possible title is rearing its head -- THE FOURTH MAN. Which I'm fighting because it's too oblique and murder-mystery-ish. But Carli and Zeke haven't weighed in on it, yet, so we'll see what happens then.

Anyway, part of my process is to overwrite and then trim down and mix bits of dialog together and find ways to hint to the actor what they're supposed to be feeling. I used to say it, flat out. I got to where I pulled back from that but never got rid of it, completely. I still have some in this script...but it's mainly to tell the story to whoever's reading it.

I'm not going the Shakespeare route where I write nothing but dialog and you don't find out that someone's got a knife until he pulls it in act 2. I want people to see that he's got one in the first act, which adds to the tension.

I think I've indicated pretty well, so far, that Carli's got the hots for Zeke...and he's more than interested in her. And they want to let things play out. No matter what.

I get scared when that last sentence rears its head in one of my stories. But you have to let the reality of the story make itself known, no matter how painful. It took me almost a year to accept that Bobby was going to kill himself in BC. I knew how and when and the image I wanted to end on...but first I had to grieve for him. And that took some time. And added to my sense of psychosis.

In CK, my ending is aiming for a horror-style...and I've got a feeling it's going to be hard to put over. Like the lynching in KILLING MOON. That was honest. Was required by the story. And everyone who's read it wants that taken out because of the political implications of it. And I won't.

It's like the title of HTRASG -- it's the right title for the book, and I wouldn't change it. And it's gotten me into some trouble. Hell, it's gotten friends of mine into trouble. But any other title would be...just...wrong.

I guess I just needed to remind myself that I can still be stubborn about my work when I need to be. It is what it is, even when people berate me for it. It hurts to get a negative reaction...but the fact that my work affected someone to that extent is good. It means I'm not being a wuss.

I hope.

Odd memory resonance...

2013-05-07T23:46:00.000-04:00

I used to watch this sit-com called "Good Times", about an African-American family living in a Chicago project. The father (John Amos) was a taxi driver. I think the mother (Esther Rolle) worked as maid. They had three kids -- the youngest was political and intense, the middle one a girl with common sense, and the oldest was JJ, an aspiring artist famous for saying "Dy-no-mite!" And they were just trying to make it from one day to the next.

They were like the "anti-Jeffersons", who'd moved on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky...until the idiot producers fired John Amos and had him killed at the beginning of Season 4. There wouldn't be another positive portrayal of a complete black family on TV until "The Cosby Show", years later.

Anyway, one episode had Esther worried about her best friend, Winona, who was a party girl well into her thirties. Esther tried to set her up with a guy to settle down with because she didn't want her to wind up alone and lonely. And at the end of the show, Winona said, "Honey, I may be alone, but I am never lonely."

It's funny that I'm remembering that, because I haven't seen it since it aired back in the middle Seventies. (Revealing my age, here.) But that line always stuck with me and I felt it was right...until I left LA, this last time. Suddenly I've had some serious attacks of loneliness.

I'm sure it's because I had time enough to see some people I hadn't seen in too long. And reminded myself of why I have them as friends. I don't let myself get very open with many people for a whole host of reasons, but once I have made friends with someone, I'm loathe to let go. Even when I get pissed off at them.

But living here in Buffalo...where I don't know anyone, really...I'm feeling the isolation. And it's shifting into CK. I just finished writing a bit between Zeke and Carli where it turns out his family disowned him because he went to prison. And he's attached himself to Max's group because he needs to belong to something. I don't remember ever having something like that in any of my books or scripts. I come close with Jake and Antony...but that's a love thing with Jake. Some creatures mate for life and he's one, no matter how hard Antony fights it.

But Zeke...he's been cast adrift. And it hurts him. He dreams about being on a boat in the middle of the ocean...with nothing but stars overhead and water all around. Even though he's proud of his Viking blood and he's strong enough to keep the peace between Max and others, he points out they roved in packs, like wolves, and never were alone until they were dead and set out on a burning boat as their funeral pyre.

This has shaken me up, a little. I think I've lost the drive to make this quick and cheap and easily sellable. I like Zeke and Carli. I want to do right by them.

Shit...why can't I just toss some crap off and be done with it?

Interesting reactions to my work...

2013-05-06T23:36:00.000-04:00

A couple of my books -- "How To Rape A Straight Guy", "Rape In Holding Cell 6" and "Bobby Carapisi - The Complete Novel" -- have been getting some interesting comments in a Goodreads.com reading group.

People either love HTRASG or loathe it. I actually had one reader tell me I should never write anything ever, again, thanks to this book...and not nicely. However, a lot of other readers loved it or were shaken by it. Consensus seems to be that I made an evil man understandable and someone worth caring about...and they're shaken at how they felt for Curt. Cool.

RIHC6v1&2 has been getting more consistent praise, but not to the same level as HTRASG. It's more, good but not as good as his first book. Which I don't mind. Antony's story is a bit more far-fetched and James Bond-ish, in the second volume. But they still reacted to Antony's growing psychosis and his love for Jake.

What surprised me was the reaction of one guy to BC-Complete. I know he bought it through Kindle, and is probably the one person who returned it. He gave it one star and dismissed it, completely. That stung, because I don't think he got that the story was being told by three different men. Meanwhile the other person who read it gave it four stars, even though she didn't read the full book. That feels weird. I mean, I appreciate the rating, but I feel it's a bit of a cheat, like I didn't really earn it.

I read a book that was highly recommended by many in this group and didn't like it very much,so didn't finish. But I didn't rate it, either; I didn't feel that'd be fair.

Still...what I find especially interesting is NOBODY has rated "The Lyons' Den" or "NYPD Blood" on this site. And those are my most mainstream books. Maybe my niche is "in-your-face-asshole-ishness" and when I try to be kinder and gentler, I get boring.

What I am taking away from this is how honest I can be with Brendan in "Place of Safety". Even confrontational in the story. It's better for me to let that run than to try and sanitize it.

Or maybe I just joined forces with an army darkness who only appreciate death, destruction, and damned mean people.

Not quite right

2013-05-05T22:07:00.001-04:00

It helps putting my work up on my blog. I then look at it with a different eye, for some reason, and what I posted yesterday doesn't really make any sense. It's also clumsy. I don't mind Carli being a little bitchy, but Zeke's coming across as weak. So I reworked it and hope this is better.

I also changed up the opening that I posted a couple weeks back. Someone took photos of the 4 men raping Carli's sister and posted them on the internet. She knows who 3 of the guys are and thinks Zeke is the 4th.
-------------------------------

EXT. CANTINA MADRIZA -- NIGHT

Zeke stops Carli by her car.

ZEKE
Lady, are you crazy?

CARLI
A little.

ZEKE
No, a lot. That guy you just spit on is Max Castillo. You don't wanna fuck with him.

CARLI
I won't. And he knows it.

ZEKE
You don't get it. He wants to know your name, now.

CARLI
I told you -- .

ZEKE
Bullshit. Nobody's named Anastasia.

She gets close to him. Turns up the sex wattage.

CARLI
Zach...are you suggesting I’m a liar?

ZEKE
Why’re you calling me that?

CARLI
I overheard JJ say it -- .

ZEKE
Bullshit. Everybody calls me Zeke. What's your game?

CARLI
-- Nothing. I -- I just like you. Your type. Max can go fuck himself.

ZEKE
You really don't get it.

CARLI
Don't you like girls?

ZEKE
I don't like people who fuck with me.

CARLI
Is that why you’re helping him fuck me?

ZEKE
What do you think I am? I’m just giving you some advice -- he gets weird when he thinks he’s been dissed. So come in. Have a drink. Make it easy for everybody.

CARLI
If he's such a jerk, why do you stick with him?

ZEKE
Now you are fuckin’ with me. Shit.

He starts away, She grabs his back jeans pocket.

CARLI
Zeke -- I’ll come in if you invite me. For yourself.

ZEKE
Aw, for god’s sake -- what're you trying to prove? That you can get down and dirty with the little people? In case you hadn't noticed, I don't have a 401K or a yacht or any of that shit. I'm barely makin' it.

CARLI
I'm not like that. Believe me.

ZEKE
Yeah, right. And the second we’re inside, you'll fuck me up in front of him. Won't you? Just to prove you can.

CARLI

You've got a low opinion of women.

ZEKE

-- Y’know, you really ought to wait till you know what everything's about before you start pushing buttons.

CARLI
What makes you think I don’t?

ZEKE
You didn’t even know my name. And I bet you never heard that the last guy who fucked with Max lost his ears. Me, I like mine where they are. And I like everything about you stayin' where it is. Okay?

Carli laughs -- yanks Zeke's shirt open -- writes her phone number around his left tit.

CARLI
You tell Max that if he doesn’t have the balls to approach me, himself, he doesn’t have the balls to fuck me. Whereas, I think you do. So here's my number. Give it to him, if you want. Or don’t.

She gets in her car. Drives away.

ZEKE
Anastasia Belasco. What bullshit.

He pulls his shirt open. Looks at the phone number. Chuckles.

ZEKE (CONT'D)
Shit, Max, she was on the rag. That was the problem. But I got her name. Sure did.

He heads back into the bar.

INT. ISOLATED HOUSE -- NIGHT

Carli enters, pulls off the red wig and sits at the computer. She Googles ZEKE LINDSTROM.

A number of stories line up. She picks --

EZEKIEL LINDSTROM SENTENCED FOR ROBBERY, CAR THEFT, DRUG POSSESSION.

CARLI
His name's not Zachary. No wonder I couldn't find anything.
(reads)
Stole a car. Robbed a store. Drugs found on him. Eighteen years old. Sentenced to twelve years? Bet that was fun...

She links to another story.

CARLI (CONT’D)
(reads)
Released after six...wait, just a year ago!? Oh, Jesus, Carli, you stupid...he wasn’t part of it. Couldn’t have been. So who's the fourth one? Shit.

She keeps working at the computer.

Scene from CARLI KILLS

2013-05-04T22:12:00.001-04:00

Carli's just basically flipped Max off in the middle of the bar and walked out. Zeke is sent after her.
_________________________________________

EXT. CANTINA MADRIZA -- NIGHT

Zeke stops Carli by her car.

ZEKE
Lady, are you crazy?

CARLI
A little.

ZEKE
That guy you just dissed is Max Castillo. You don't wanna fuck with him.

CARLI
I won't. And he knows it.

ZEKE
You don't get it! He wants to know your name, now.

CARLI
I told you -- .

ZEKE
Bullshit. Nobody's named "Anastasia Belasco."

She gets close to him. Turns up the sex wattage.

CARLI
Are you calling me a liar, Zach?

ZEKE
My name’s Zeke.

CARLI
-- JJ told me it was Zachary.

ZEKE
Bullshit -- he doesn’t know that. What's your game?

CARLI
-- Nothing. I -- I just like you. Your type. Max can go fuck himself.

ZEKE
You really don't get it.

CARLI
Don't you like girls?

ZEKE
Drop it. Girls like you don't go for guys like me -- unless you’re slumming.

CARLI
Is that why you're helping him get to me?

ZEKE
What d'you think I am? I’m just warnin' you. He gets weird when he thinks he's bein' dissed. So come in. Have a drink. Make it easy for everybody. Okay?

CARLI
If he's such a jerk, why do you stick with him?

ZEKE
Why're you fuckin' with me? Shit.

He starts away, She grabs his back jeans pocket.

CARLI
Zeke -- I’ll come in if you invite me. For yourself.

ZEKE
Yeah, right. And the second we’re inside, you'll play me in front of him. Won't you?

CARLI
Not if you tell me why you’ve got so many tattoos.

ZEKE
Y’know, you really ought to wait till you know what everything's about before you start pushing buttons.

CARLI
What makes you think I don’t?

ZEKE
You didn't even know my name. And I bet you never heard that the last guy who fucked with Max lost his ears. Me, I like mine where they are. And I like everything about you stayin' where it is. So go get ready for Sunday school, "Anastasia." I'll just -- I'll tell him you were on the rag. That should make it okay.

Carli laughs -- yanks Zeke's shirt open -- writes her phone number around his left tit.

CARLI
Big, bad, protective Zeke. Here's my number. Give it to him, or use it, yourself. See who can handle whom.

She gets in her car. Drives away. Zeke finally grins.

ZEKE
Anastasia Belasco. What bullshit.

He heads back into the bar. Humming.

_________________________________

It's not long but it sets up their relationship -- like a couple of lions in the wild, sniffing each other out.

Ping pong...pong ping...

2013-05-03T23:52:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how easy it is to bounce back and forth between certainty of ability and certainty of failure. Like a ping-pong ball that just won't stop hopping.

It helps that the end of the week is here and I can sleep in, tomorrow and Sunday. I hate getting up at 8am. My brain doesn't kick into gear until nearly eleven, so I have to take extra care with any decision I have to make before then. The fuzziness can easily lead to the wrong choice.

Or just forgetfulness. Or confusion as to what I've done and what I haven't. I'm sharper in the evening -- my prime writing time is 4 to 8 or 9pm. It's the same with my art; I always worked best in the late afternoon and early evening.

Maybe that started because of school. 4 is when I'd get home, unless I was working, which I started doing at 16. Then I'd ignore my homework and read or draw till dinner. And also, most of my jobs were 9-5 deals, so evenings is when I'd have a chance to write or sketch.

One of those habits you don't really think about until it's so entrenched in you, it can't be broken.

Zeke did change his name...his last one. He's now a Lindstrom and has Nordic runic symbols and letters as tattoos. And he's a bit more centered, somehow. There's a scene between him and Carli that I initially wrote with her being a wise-ass and him trying to play peacemaker, but it got flipped in a way. He just wants thinks to be even and cool, and he gets pissed when someone threatens that balance, like Carli starts doing.

I think I'll take another pass through it and post it, tomorrow. See if it works on my blog as well as in my brain.

You never know...

Money pits and piddles

2013-05-02T23:35:00.000-04:00

I hate money, because it's so damn necessary, in this world...and I'm tired of dealing with it. Whenever something like my car happens...with the dentist costing over $150 and another bill in the mail for $125...it sends me into turmoil and my writing suffers. My characters suffer. And that is wrong.

Zeke and Carli are ready to tell their stories, but I wasn't able to focus on them. So I ignored them like I've done Brendan and Jake...and now I feel like a neglectful parent whose kids just wanted him to see what a wonderful thing they'd done and he'd said, "In a little bit," so many times, they had to go to bed and couldn't show him. And it was too late to make up for it.

It also makes me second-guess my completed work. I had to force myself not to reread "The Alice '65" because in my head it was all messed up and worthless and I needed to see just how bad. And had I looked at it, I'd have torn it to shreds...probably for no good cause.

Fortunately, Russell Tovey popped up in an interview about his new Brit-sit-com (soon to be stolen by a American producer and put on CBS or NBC, I'm sure), and about how he's a gay actor but most of the parts he plays are straight. Which is what I'd love him to do with A65. And my mood got better. It's like he was saying, "Shut the fuck up and trust the story, idiot. It'll be as good as it can be, and you crushing yourself over it will achieve nothing."

(And isn't that an "Adam" kind of expression on his face?)

So I'm back in control...and I'll spend the weekend on CK to get it into shape. Considering I only started it a week ago, I'm doing pretty damn good.

As for money, truth is I've never been been on top of that, and I doubt I ever will be. The only thing I ever learned about it is, if I try to save money I usually wind up spending more.

At least my car's running good, though my savings is back to zero and my credit cards are close to their limit. That's the story of my life.

Isn't it everybody's?

Too focused on trying to fix my car

2013-05-01T19:30:00.001-04:00

So I'm not in the correct frame of mind to write. Instead, I'm sharing something I got off Salmagundi's blog about the two-face double-dealing crap that went on at San Francisco Pride. Something additional to mention is, Private Manning's also been subjected to what would be called torture in any other civilized society...and which America, until the advent of G W Bush and his evil cabal, also called torture.

Via a paper bird

I was reminded of our queer community’s collective patriotism by fast-moving happenings last night in San Francisco. To summarize: SF Pride held a vote and Bradley Manning — the gay or trans (it’s not entirely clear how Manning identifies) soldier who disseminated the great Wikileaks trove of secret US documents — was elected a Grand Marshal of this year’s shindig, which will happen in late June. There are a bunch of Grand Marshals every year, and each one gets to ride in a car during the long parade, wave at the crowd, and accept adulation. In Manning’s case,the soldier was in no position to do the accepting. Manning is under lock and key at Fort Leavenworth, facing charges including “aiding the enemy,” which under the military code can carry the death penalty. Daniel Ellsberg, the great whistleblowing opponent of the Vietnam War, agreed to join the festivities in Manning’s place.

No need; within hours the board of SF Pride stepped in and rescinded the honor. Lisa Williams, the board president, issued a statement. “I am against honoring Bradley Manning,” she said, “as he was a traitor to the good old United States of America. If we all had felt the way he did back in the Forties, Hitler would have ruled the world.”

Oh...I’m sorry again. It’s early in the AM where I am, and I haven’t had coffee, and I keep screwing up. What Lisa Williams actually said was just about the same, but with slightly different wording. From her statement:

Bradley Manning will not be a grand marshal in this year’s San Francisco Pride celebration. His nomination was a mistake and should never have been allowed to happen...[E]ven the hint of support for actions which placed in harms way the lives of our men and women in uniform — and countless others, military and civilian alike — will not be tolerated by the leadership of San Francisco Pride. It is, and would be, an insult to every one, gay and straight, who has ever served in the military of this country.

I get confused, you see, because Lisa Williams — in addition to being “president and owner of One Source Consulting, a firm which does political consulting, ” and the former “Northern California deputy political director for the ‘No on 8′” gay-marriage campaign — is also the chair of the political action committee of the Bayard Rustin LGBT Coalition. That’s an estimable group that tries to promote black LGBT political participation in the Bay Area. And the quote above, the one about Hitler and the traitor — well, it was actually about Bayard Rustin; so you can see how I mixed them up. Rustin, if you remember, was one of the great figures of 20th-century America: a pacifist, a war resister, an icon of civil disobedience, and the key organizer of the 1963 March on Washington. (Also a gay man). Rustin spent three years in Lewisburg Penitentiary as a conscientious objector during the Second World War. The quote (slightly tweaked) came from a citizen of West Chester, PA, back in 2002, who objected to naming a school after Bayard Rustin. After all, the traitor broke US law, encouraged others to do likewise, and opposed the military and domestic policies of the United States.

Interesting, then, that Lisa Williams works for the Bayard Rustin LGBT Coalition. Because her story shows that you can honor somebody like Rustin– indeed, even serve an organization named after him! — without caring or sharing what he believed in. Since that’s true, there’s really no reason SF Pride shouldn’t honor Bradley Manning.

Bad day...

2013-04-30T21:35:00.003-04:00

Car broke down. Can't afford to fix it if it's more than a couple hundred. Took it to a dealership I usually go to. They've been straight with me...but tonight, no ride back to the rental car place. "No one there to do it." I had to walk 2 miles.

Not getting paid or reimbursed for expenses till Friday, after my credit cards are due; the guy who signs the checks had a death in the family and won't be back till then. So I'm paying a little and getting hit with interest.

Still not completely back on schedule from the trip to LA. I hope that's why I'm having a stomach ache that won't go away. O maybe nerves. Never had an ulcer; dunno what they're like.

On top of it all, my laptop's beginning to fall apart and Zeke and Carli are thinking they want new names -- Jake and Callie. I hate that. I have a Jake, already, and don't want to confuse the two. (NOTE: I knew there was an Archangel named Ezekiel, but I just found out he's the Angel of death and transformation...and that fits this story perfectly. ZEKE!)

Currently feeling very fucked by it all, and having fun remembering all the things I've done wrong or stupidly. Which wears me out, emotionally...and physically. Can't even stay awake to write this. Just want to sleep.

But I need to do dishes...

10 pages done...

2013-04-29T23:57:00.002-04:00

I got a death scene in CARLI KILLS that will make the world weep. If I set it up right. It's where Carli finally realizes revenge hurts not only the guilty but the innocent, and she's the cause of it.

I've also found the guilt in the story. Not just for the bad guys, but for Carli. Her revenge is more than just getting even; she's out to purify herself. Rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. Maybe I should set this story close to there. Lord knows, that town's got desert everywhere around it.

I've got 28 solid pages, with another dozen so-so ones. I'm up to 10 characters, some only important to a few scenes. And just five real locations...four if all you count is desert.

It's going pretty far, too. Lots of horror moments mixed in with the noir and thriller stuff. Man...I might be confused about how well this is going. But I'm having fun.

That's half the battle, right there.

2013-04-28T23:28:00.002-04:00

I've got the music theme for "Carli Kills" -- "Romance de Amor". Leitmotif, if you will. I first heard Charo play this on some talk show, when I was a kid, and it was the first time I'd seen how serious she was about guitar. Her rendition was exquisite. These guys are a bit over the top near the end...but their lead-in adds immeasurably to the melody.

This came up as I was working on the scene below...when it's revealed Carli has a some backup -- a boy who used to be in love with her sister.
___________________________________

EXT. NARROW CANYON - DAY

Tall and winding. A GUITAR ECHOES down its walls. A cool college kid -- TRAVIS BIGGERS, the epitome of a budding rock star -- sits in a corner. Plays a lovely original melody on an acoustical guitar. Beside him -- a digital recorder and mike.

He stops the recorder and takes a hit off a joint. FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.

TRAVIS
It work okay?

Carli appears around a bend.

CARLI
Perfect.

He holds up a memory chip.

TRAVIS
Pop this in and keep yours. I got a professor who says, If I’m gonna take out two recorders, I gotta have two chips filled with music.

CARLI
The song you were playing -- it’s beautiful.

TRAVIS

It's for my final. I...I got some words for it.

(plays)
The day I met you was the first day of my life. The love in your eyes cut me deeper than a knife. I'd never leave you, and so you had to walk away. All I can do is love you till my dying day.

CARLI
-- Okay. Nice. A little top forty, but...

TRAVIS
Yeah, right. I’m a music major; we're supposed to be stupid and maudlin.

CARLI
Travis...the first three lines are exquisite.

TRAVIS
You’re just sayin’ that so I’ll keep borrowing school equipment for you.

He takes another drag on the joint. Offers her some. She just looks at him. He kills the weed.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Get what you needed?

CARLI
Yeah. I did.

TRAVIS
Don’t look so happy.

CARLI
Travis -- Lara was raped by four men. I thought I knew who all of them were, but I found out one of the guys couldn’t have been there.

TRAVIS
Which one?

CARLI
Zeke. His real name’s Zachary Karlos -- with a K -- Lindner.

TRAVIS
Somebody named their kid that? Some parents oughta be shot.

CARLI
But that's why I couldn't find out anything about him, except that he ran with Max, Grady, and Jack. So -- who was number four?

TRAVIS
Shit -- there’s nothing about Max dealing with anybody but those three losers.

CARLI
Zeke’s not a loser; he’s just lost.

Travis eyes Carli. Plays a melody like “Romance de Amor.” Carli glares at him.

CARLI

Shut up.

TRAVIS

I've given you everything I know, Carli. I had to practically fuck the dean's secretary to even get a look at the school's file on Lara's death. Did you ever get the sheriff's report?

CARLI

Lost. And I know why. JJ's the sheriff's nephew, and they both own that bar.

TRAVIS

Could JJ be number four? Or the Sheriff?

CARLI

No, I'm missing somebody. It's time to talk to Jack.

Travis stops playing.

TRAVIS

Need any help?

CARLI

No, he'll be easy.

And...just for the fun of it...

2013-04-27T23:04:00.003-04:00

Here's a picture of Omar Borkan Al Gala, the Emirates dude who was kicked out of Saudi Arabia because he's just too damn good-looking for Saudi Womens to handle. Or maybe it was Saudi Mens. I've heard some things about those guys. What you wanna bet Omar's real crime was just saying, "No", to some sheik? Hmm?

(Of course, I can see why they'd ask...)