In many parts of the world it is the season of rest. Nature hibernates or slows.

Our winter in northern California has yet to fully rest. Today I took a walk in a warm sunshine that felt like spring, thankful while being hopeful for the blessings of rain and rest.

Seasons are unpredictable, not up to us. Gifts from the Creator, they come and bring what they have.

I remember visiting a small Amish bakery in Missouri when my children were young. It was a sweltering summer day, and as we stepped into the warm darkness of the little bakery, my son exclaimed to an elder Amish man, “It’s hot!”

The man smiled and said, “We take the blessing of each day. Without the warmth we would not have the grain to bake the bread.”

I’m learning to live in the uncertain, within nature’s seasons and life, with a blend of acceptance and expectation.

With thankfulness and with hope.

Each day made by God a day to be thankful for. Psalm 118:24

Usually I’m not conscious of how incessantly they drive my thoughts, play with my choices, nip at my perspective of myself or my relationships.

But if I make room for a shift . . .

What if I live up to my expectations, my goals and dreams, my prayers and understanding of God’s love for me—

instead of the expectations of others?

What falls away? What remains?

What truth, what gold?

At one of our meals, a cherry pit hit my stepmom and my father immediately blamed the children. He wouldn’t let it go even though their ten cherries and corresponding pits were accounted for.

This is the same man who once told me, “Your mother and I didn’t plan to have children” and never followed that up with, “but we’re so glad we had you and your sister.”

Childhood moments with my father, especially mealtimes, meant enduring harsh, impatient words and responding with tears and stomach aches. Expectations, control, no sense of the child as a person. No grace.

My initial response was to hide, to be quiet, to go under the grid. If I did everything I could to stay out of his line of sight, I could survive—not that I was aware as a child that was my tactic. But this became a pattern in my life in other contexts and relationships.

Later when I realized that, I began to find my presence and my voice again, and to help others do the same. I’ve worked alongside my husband for most of our married life at a residential ministry for at-risk youth. I’ve written the stories of those who didn’t have a voice, and I am partnering in a project with an organization that is making inroads into halting the sex trafficking industry, primarily in the Sacramento area.

I loved my father, and I don’t allow the difficult memories to cloak my life in regret or unforgiveness. By the end of his life I believe he gained awareness of his impact and softened. What I didn’t realize, until recently, is how much of who I’ve become and God’s transformative work within me has been tied into those early days with my father. How when I thought I was hiding or giving up, I was learning to fight. For me, for others, for a voice. For grace.

Yes, grace. And courage and purpose and fullness of life.

After all, cherry pits are seeds.

“That’s what’s important—that babies get loved.” She tells others this is what she can still do and says, “I was born to hold babies.”

Simple. And powerful.

In a place of transition and questions and hoping to land more firmly on what I was born to do, I smile as I think of this woman. Am I trying too hard? Making this more complicated than it needs to be? Likely.

This woman—her name is Edna—has a beauty and wisdom to her story that I can learn from.

Live. Be with others.
Do what comes naturally.
Love.

Imagine what it would be like if instead of speeding down a highway through a country setting we took time to walk the same route. What would we notice? Who might we meet?

Or what if we were to stroll through a museum and pause in front of one masterpiece. Just one. What intricacies of the artist’s labor would we begin to notice? What stories would we imagine?

Religion and art are saying the same things: stop, pay attention, be aware of the depth of time, see people, see others, be human. ~Fredrick Buechner

If you were to find a moment today to pause and pay attention, where would you linger?

‎”Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.”
The Message’s take on Matthew 6:6

Take time to stop, if even for a moment, to be fully you, fully present in the presence of God. What shifts do you notice?

Note this bit of gorse bush. The whole year round the thorn has been hardening and sharpening. Spring comes. The thorn does not drop off and it does not soften. There it is, as uncompromising as ever; but halfway up appear two brown furry balls, mere specks at first, that break at last–straight out of last year’s thorn–into a blaze of fragrant golden glory! –Lilias Trotter

My friend offered these words with a single hyacinth bulb and a container for growing it. She wrote, “This is not a bit of gorse bush, yet is a bit of spring fragrance for the winter. Wishing you a joy-filled day.”

Her words offered hope that my difficult season would one day bring about a blaze of fragrant glory. Sometimes lying in my bed at night, all I could utter were single-word prayers, but they were filled with meaning. After receiving the gift and quote, I pictured the thorns of my life transforming into an unmatched fragrance of life and fullness.

Fullness. Did you know that when Jesus said, “I have come that you might have life and have it to the full” (John 10:10 NIV), that the word “life” was not the Greek word bios but zoe? We’re invited out of daily mere existence to a life lived with passion and vitality.

Imagine taking the energetic zoe life God calls you to into the way you live and work, into your relationships and conversations, into how you take care of yourself, into all your choices, goals, and dreams.

That’s living. That’s thorns to  a blaze of fragrant glory.

What is one area of your life you’d like to live more energetically and passionately? What will you do differently? When will you begin?

But what happens when the issue slides off our radar? 

We’ve heard of it. We move on.

Unfortunately those who suffer have not moved on. Their inner pain and struggle is very much a part of every day. The reasons they live trapped in despair and the endless cycle of shame and hurting themselves are still a very real part of every one of their days. 

Since I first researched self-injury and wrote the true stories in Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal–A Journey Out of Self-Injury, the national statistics on reported self-injury has climbed–from 1% to 4%.  4% amounts to a huge increase. In 2008, that would be more than 12,000,000 reported incidents. That doesn’t account for the many, many who self-injure in secret.

Outside of the United States are cultures that still consider the topic taboo. I received an e-mail this week from a 19-year-old in South Africa who wants to bring the topic of self-injury to the attention of those in her church. She is afraid, partly because she still struggles with cutting. She feels more certain that she will be rejected than supported.

Heartbreaking. Or it should be.

On one end of the spectrum are those who have heard enough about it and it’s barely on their daily radar. On the other are those who refuse to talk about it. Two extremes, both dangerous. Neither help the person who is longing for compassion and hope. 

Please don’t let it become a forgotten topic. It’s likely that someone you know is struggling and hoping that you or anyone might be available and care. When you care, others will begin to believe that God does.

Check out Light and Life article: Long Sleeves in Hot Weather.

He felt powerless to challenge anything different.

So I want to stir up some good discussion here.

Watch Oprah’s show on Friday, on August 7th, 14 Years Old: They Say They’re Ready to Have Sex, a rerun, and you’ll quickly pick up a sense of the culture’s prevailing attitude about teen sex.

Related links on Oprah’s site:
Having the Sex Talk with Your Kids
Middle School Girls Talk About Sex

Contrast that with another discussion through Christianity Today’s August, 2009 article “The Case for Early Marriages.”

In this piece, Mark Regnerus says that abstinence pledges and courtship training may have left out teaching “young Christians how to tie the knot.” While some of his conclusions in his presented case for early marriages may or may not be the ultimate or only way to go, he brings up some interesting ideas to consider. (If you subscribe to the magazine, you can also read the three responses to Regenerus’s position, which add more interesting thoughts to the discussion.)

Read it all. Consider it.

Instead of feeling powerless as pastors, mentors, or parents of teens (or ignoring addressing the topic altogether), what can we do? What would help our children, teens, and young adults move in the healthiest way toward marriage with a God-honoring respect for the gift of sex and toward great relationships in marriage?

Please share your thoughts. But before you slap down a reaction, really consider the whole picture. I’ll be upfront and admit that this discussion is primarily targeted to those who have generally held to a faith-based perspective. What do you think God is calling us to? And how can we best help our youth get there?

And what advice would you have for the father I mentioned at the beginning? Is there an age when a parent should stop having influence on his child’s, albeit adult child’s, decisions about sex, relationships, and marriage?

Weigh in.

Today I spoke to a twenty-something-year-old reflecting on her teen years. She recalled what a difference it made when a youth leader finally began talking honestly about topics that hit her and others where it mattered. Other leaders and teachers were nice, helped her feel accepted and welcomed, but none went deep. And that’s what she craved.

Small group tips:

Avoid fill-in-the-blank studies. Look for a study designed to engage group members and encourage them to interact with the material, with the issues, with each other, and—most of all—with God.

Focus less on telling and more on asking great questions to encourage thinking, discussion, and deep sharing. Be purposeful about moving questions and discussion toward personal action and real hope that works in life.

Allow time for deepening personal awareness of what God is doing in their lives and who he is inviting them to become.

Live Free Journey : Small Group Study helps create that kind of a safe place where leaders, teens, and young adults can gather for life-changing discussion and personal discovery of what Jesus meant for us when he said, “If the Son sets you free, you are truly free” (John 8:36 NLT, italics mine).

New release–September, 2009. Plan now for a fall small group.

More detailed information.