“‘Living in ‘The Now’? What’s going on, indeed?” you might ask if you were interested, and – let’s face it – you probably aren’t, but if you read (or now care to read) the post I wrote on 27th September you’ll see that it was my first in over two years.

“Ok, so you’ve just been a bit lazy for the last two years really then, haven’t you Jane?” you’d probably think.

On the contrary. I’ve been extremely busy procrastinating for those two years (as well as moving home several times). It’s taken up a lot of time, but physically not being able to bring myself to sit down and write even a word has been down to a far deeper issue than that.

Realising that I simply couldn’t (and didn’t want to) continue like that though; I took drastic action and went to see somebody last week who I hoped might be able to somehow help me through it, and ‘help me’ he has! Since then I’ve had the best few days that I can pretty much ever remember.

Not in an ‘I love you all’, and ‘Ooh, isn’t that sky blue?’ sort of way (hope you like the blue sky photo!), but in a calm and reasoned way. Despite my logical brain thinking that it ought to be looking back with regret, or forward with fear (as has been the norm), I’ve instead found myself literally living in ‘The Now’.

I’ve read more books on this subject over the last few years than you can shake a stick at, but whose teachings I’ve never been able to put into practise (no matter how hard I’ve tried), and yet I now find that, try as I might to feel sorry for myself or worry about the future, my brain just ‘pings’ back to the present.

It’s been ten days since I saw Paul and the feeling still hasn’t diminished in any way. I’ve achieved more in the last ten days than I have in the last year and just feel very happy to be alive; appreciative of everything I have and of everything around me. And yet nothing else in my life has changed.

That’s the strange part. How can just talking to someone for an hour and a half have brought about this change? I’m damned if I know, but I don’t care; I’m just thrilled by it and am about to start work on a lot of new projects which I’ll keep you posted on as I work through them.

If you’re feeling like I was and want to know the name of the person who’s managed to bring about this great change in me, then here’s his details: it’s Paul King at TheBeyondPartnership.co.uk.

Have a great week and I’ll be back again soon!

The post Living in ‘The Now’. Hey, what’s going on, Jane? appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

Right. My last post was on 31st August 2014. At that time I’d thought I was about to restart my writing activities, but – alas – it wasn’t to be.

I’ve thought a lot about what I was actually going to say on the day I finally got round to doing this; whether I’d say that I’ve just been far too busy, or whether I’d tell the truth. I’m going with the latter, because I’m a very truthful person and have always been very honest in what I’ve written on this blog over the years.

So. The truth of it is that, over time, I’d reached a point where I’d been literally unable to open this page and start writing. What’s made it all feel so ridiculous to me though is the fact that I’d purposefully changed my job and reduced my working hours (as well as my income) so that I’d have more free time to be able to write!

Every morning I’ve woken up promising myself that today would be the day I’d write something, yet have simply not been able to, and have gone to bed every single night feeling wretched and ‘a failure’ for not being able to do something as simple as just keying a few words onto a screen.

I know why it is. As I’ve touched on in previous posts over the years; without exception, every time I’ve been on the verge of achieving any sort of success (i.e. earning a bit of money from my writing, or getting an Agent for my book), something completely unexpected (and usually so bizarre or unfair as to be almost unimaginable) has happened, and has simply kicked the stuffing out of me.

Every disappointment has made it harder and harder for me to pick myself up and carry on, and no matter how much I’ve ‘talked myself up’ and promised myself that I’ll ‘start tomorrow’; the psychological ‘knowing that whatever I do will just lead to another dead end’ has left me frozen and unable to write. Even though my head buzzes with ideas I simply haven’t been able to bring myself to even open up my website and look at it; let alone write on it.

For someone whose only real wish in the whole of their life has been to be a successful writer you can see how this isn’t an ideal situation! On a particularly bad day a couple of weeks ago though, I finally admitted to myself that I needed help.

Yesterday morning (Monday 26th September) I met with a man who talked with me for an hour and a half. I won’t say anything more about it in this post, but the goal I set myself during that talk was to get up today and write a post. Wow. A BIG goal.

I tried to put it out of my mind and carry on as normal for the rest of yesterday so as not to build up any fear and anxiety about what was clearly going to be a giant step for me, but here I am! I got up this morning and at 8:15 sat down to write this post. I’m also sat here in my pyjamas.

I never sit around in my pyjamas. I get up and get dressed, so I think that says something in itself, but the most important thing is that I’m here, doing it! It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and this is after two years of doing nothing. How you explain that, aye? I feel completely calm, and this feels completely natural. I also feel as if I could write and write all day.

To spare you having to read any more of my rambling though, I’ll stop here and go for a shower (it really doesn’t feel right not to be dressed by this time!), but ‘watch this space’, as I’m looking forward to putting all my plans into action, and I’ll take you with me on my journey if you’d like to come along.

And … breathe. You’ve done it, Jane!

The post I’ve been frozen with fear, but I’m finally back! appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

Before I start … you know I love a bit of a weather scene, so here’s one to kick us back off.

I took it in Windsor on Saturday 23rd August while sitting at a picnic table enjoying a jolly nice glass of champers, no less!

It’s been a very long time since I put fingers to keys on here – as the big revamp of this site has taken a LOT longer than I thought.

There’s a few ‘tweaks’ and rewriting of a few of the existing pages still to do, but that’s my main task this week, and once it’s all done I’ll be writing lots of new posts (on a whole range of subjects) and doing my damnedest to restore this blog to its former glory (if that’s how you’d describe it?), so watch this space!

Where you can read/hear me:

You can currently hear my weekly half hour rant about … sorry … ‘REVIEW’ of the Soaps on The Big Mid-Morning Show between 10.30-11.00 am on Thursday mornings on Swindon 105.5 FM  (or via Tunein Radio if you’re not lucky enough to live in Sunny Swindon).

Oh, yes. If something’s ‘gone on’ in soapland , you can be sure I’ll be talking about it!

The post I'm back! Sunday 31st August 2014 appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

Apart from staring out of the window, I’ve also been busy. Watching the Sochi Olympics is very time-consuming …

I’ve also been busy on my new ‘fit for life’ regime, so have been at the gym every day – walking miles on the treadmill. It’s not even boring, because this new gym I’ve joined has treadmills fitted with tablet-type screens, so while I walk I can do Sudoko, Mahjong and other excellent brain-teasers.

An hour flies by before I know it, and – after a month at it now – I’m finally starting to see some results, as I’m back into my jeans for the first time in a year!

Eating smaller portions (and cutting back on my ‘core’ diet of pasta, red wine and good bread!) has helped tremendously, and helps offset the huge amount of time I spend sitting at my Mac.

I’ve not been doing much actual WORK lately though. I just can’t see the wood for the trees at the moment, so am mostly metaphorically ‘sitting deep in the middle of the forest’, trying to work out which direction to go in to be able to find my way out.

Oh, it’s such a dilemma …

Seeing double? And not just from one too many in the Rovers!

In the meantime; soap-wise, I’m transfixed by Coronation Street’s Andrea. I reckon she’s the spit of a young Betty Turpin. Do you agree?

Andrea’s got the hots for Steve, and I – for one – would LOVE them to get together as they’ve got real chemistry.

That’s not to say I don’t love Michelle. She’s got such a great rapport with both Steve and Liz (and even beats Rat-eyed-Rita on the dirty looks front!), but most soap couples inevitably run their course, and I feel that (storyline-wise) Steve and Michelle are pretty much at the end of the line.

I’m also lining my ducks in a row on the #Carchelle front. With Peter and Carla’s marriage inevitably doomed to failure (he’s leaving the show later this year), Carla’s going to be sideswiped and will surely feel she’s ‘had it’ with men? If Steve has an affair with Andrea, then Michelle will feel the same, and their loving (and already extremely tactile) relationship will – over time – turn into something more …

Talking of falling in love:

Who hasn’t fallen in love with those Corrie meerkats, and the arrival of baby Oleg has given us an even bigger ‘Aah’ factor. Such a cute little chap, and you can exclusively see the new baby Oleg trailers right here before they’re broadcast on Coronation Street tonight. Just click here (link removed 9/14) for some ultra cuteness!

I’ve even got a baby Oleg toy to give away to one lucky reader of this blog – courtesy of ComparetheMarket.com, (link removed 9/14) who sponsor Coronation Street and produce the wonderful (and very clever) little videos which precede each episode. All you have to do is retweet the tweet you clicked on to read this post and you’ll go into the hat (UK only, I’m afraid). I’ll announce the winner a week today – Wednesday 19th February on Twitter.

Where you can read/hear me:

Here’s my latest Yahoo!TV post: ‘The best of the week’s one-liners’, which features all the best/funniest lines from last week’s Coronation Street, Emmerdale and EastEnders. There’s some great stuff in there! 

You can also hear my live half hour of Soapy chat on The Big Mid-Morning Show between 10.30-11.00 am on Thursday mornings on Swindon 105.5 FM  – or via Tunein Radio if you’re not lucky enough to live in Sunny Swindon (!).

PS As soon as I can drag myself away from the Olympics I’ll make that last big push to get my site relaunch finished!

The post Baby Oleg & more: Wednesday 12th February 2014 appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

And breathe …

It’s over, and the #Corrie #Coronation Street timelines on Twitter prior to last night’s epsiodes were basically saying either: ‘I don’t want to watch’, or ‘I’m going to cry my eyes out’.

It was clear that we’d have to wait until the end of the second episode for the actual suicide, and it seems that there’s some disagreement (and a lot of disappointment) this morning about what we saw.

Many people were surprised that the second episode wasn’t done as a ‘two-hander’ (so favoured by EastEnders when covering important issues), and I’ve read some comments which said that there shouldn’t have been the normal mix of drama and humour as it detracted from the storyline.

That thought DID flash through my mind at one point, but – remember – this is what Corrie excels at, and why it’s consistently voted the UK’s favourite soap. Coronation Street is always careful never to take itself too seriously, and it’s a relief NOT to have scenes which you feel have been written with the specific aim of dragging every last little bit of emotion out of you – and then some.

The Final Scene:

It’s that thought which I’m trying to keep in my mind as I think about the very last scene, where Carla (like a spoiled child) demanded to be let into the Cropper’s flat, and subsequently ruined the episode for a number of people (according to much of the feedback I’ve read since).

I felt as if the last scene should perhaps have just been a shot of either Roy and Hayley lying together, or of Anna sat downstairs in the darkness (with the theme tune fading-in quietly in the background), but what we haven’t seen yet – of course – is what’s going to happen NEXT.

Carla and Anna witnessing the aftermath of the act will probably be very pivotal to the storyline going forward, and for everyone who felt as if it ruined the whole thing for them: maybe it was better to feel anger after watching that last scene than to have been reduced to a complete, blubbering wreck?

As for the actors: Roy and Hayley have played the whole thing perfectly from beginning to end. Neither of them ever ‘milked’ it or acted in a way that felt ‘out of character’. People who deride soaps don’t normally watch soaps, so are unaware of the incredible standard and quality of acting that cast members produce week-in, week-out.

I think we all feel relieved that last night is over though (although the humour helped it from being as traumatic as we’d feared – thankfully), but I suspect that what’s to come is going to be equally heartbreaking as we see Roy attempt to come to terms with both the loss of his wife and the legal minefield ahead.

This is why we need a law on Assisted Suicide …

The post Review of Coronation Street Hayley’s death appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

Coronation Street’s pancreatic cancer storyline comes to its heartbreaking climax on Monday 20th January as Hayley Cropper takes her own life.

Never before has there been a night when devoted Corrie fans won’t be looking forward to watching their favourite soap (and there probably never will be again), but watch we will, and cry we will.

As with any major soap storyline, the world and his wife have jumped on the bandwagon of discussion as to the rights and wrongs of the subject matter, with articles and broadcasts over the last couple of weeks from a host of so-called ‘experts’ – many of whom have clearly either never watched an episode of Coronation Street in their lives or (at the very least) have very little clue as to WHY Hayley is insisting on taking such a drastic course of action.

I’ve watched almost every episode of Coronation Street since childhood (although under much sufferance in the early days, it has to be said), and was lucky enough to be one of the team of journalists who attended the Press Day in Blackpool last October (go to ‘Corrie Corner’ on the right sidebar then scroll down to the post ‘A Corrie Day Out at the Seaside: 11th October 2013’ to read my report), so feel as if I’m possibly ‘better qualified’ to write about this matter than some of the folk I’ve heard pontificating on the subject over the last couple of weeks.

When Coronation Street’s producer Stuart Blackburn (who was also the producer of Emmerdale’s assisted suicide storyline in 2011) revealed to us that Hayley’s character would be taking her own life, you could hear the emotion in his voice as he spoke movingly of the enormous sense of responsibility the soap felt over tackling such a controversial subject.

By the time they’d then screened the ‘Blackpool’ episode there was barely a dry eye in the house, and it was clear during the interviews we did with Julie Hesmondhalgh and David Neilson that they were both very aware of the challenge ahead and were determined to play it as realistically as possible – hard as that would be for the audience to have to watch.

We came away feeling privileged to have been given an insight into the passion the team had over this storyline, and I don’t think anyone would disagree that it’s been pitched ‘just right ‘ every step of the way since then and has never once crossed the line into mawkishness or self-pitying cliche.

One of the ‘experts’ I heard talking on the radio last week would have had us believe that – in reality – most cancer patients don’t actually want to die but simply want better pain relief.

Why I profoundly disagree with that statement:

At this time last year I was nursing my father through the final stages of terminal cancer. Each morning as I went in to him, the first words he’d say to me were that he just wanted to die. (This is him just before Christmas 2012 when he first became bedbound but still had a bit of life left in him. He was pulling a funny face to make me laugh.)

He would explain to the local Swindon Prospect Hospice nurses and his lovely team of carers (who visited him four times a day during the last couple of months) that he’d had a great life – with no regrets – but that at aged 84 (and with his quality of life diminishing by the hour) he now just wanted it over and done with.

Unless you’ve had to watch one of your loved ones lying helpless in a hospital bed (we were able to care for him at home, luckily), lose all their bodily functions, not even be able to keep a few mouthfuls of watery porridge down, and turn into a skeleton before your eyes, then I don’t believe you are qualified to tell anyone what you think cancer patients want.

My father had tears in his eyes every morning when he realised he’d woken up (and not simply passed away during the night as he’d hoped), and the day he took hold of my hand as I gave him his morphine and begged me to give him enough to just ‘send him to sleep’ for good was one of the worst moments of my life.

If I thought I could have granted him his wish without the worry of having to face the legal ramifications I would have done it in a heartbeat (as would the poor nurses who had to hold his hand and trot out endless platitudes about how there was ‘always something to live for’ etc). We put a sick animal out of its misery, yet there are people out there who feel that it’s perfectly acceptable to keep people alive when they’re terminally ill and ASKING to die.

HOW can those be the actions of a ‘civilised’ society?

From the moment my father knew his cancer was terminal he just wanted it to be over with. He’d been extremely fit and active almost up to the end and didn’t want to have to literally just lie there in that bed, waiting to die.

This is why we need to remove the current ‘grey area’ over assisted suicide. Someone like my father should have been able (with his Oncologist and GP’s approval) to have simply had a nurse quietly give him an injection (he couldn’t even drink from a babies’ beaker by this point) with us – his children – at his side, and for his suffering to end.

Hayley Cropper insists on taking the dose herself in the hope of sparing her husband from possible arrest for her ‘murder’, and we’re yet to see how it all progresses, but let’s just hope that this storyline encourages the Government to debate this awful issue and finally bring in legislation to spare anyone who will be involved in a similar situation in the future from the fear of prosecution.

The post Hayley's death from cancer: 20th January 2014 appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

‘Who cares?’ you yawn, but it’s (relatively) exciting news this end, as I’m happy to declare that … yes, it’s done.

That dastardly tax return (which has been hanging round my neck like a dastardly tax return necklace) is finished, and next week I’m going to do this year’s too, so that I can get back into my proper routine of spending half an hour a week updating it and thereby ensure that I NEVER get so far behind again!

For the first time in over a year I feel as if I can see daylight, and if you’re a regular reader of this blog you’ll know that they traditionally start with a ‘Sunset Over Swindon’ (which used to be Sunrise Over Swindon when I had my office), and this one is a fabulous red sunset which I took outside the gym just before Christmas but haven’t had time to post yet.

Anyway, enough of all that.

Now that the tax return’s out of the way I’m buzzing with excitement at the thought of starting writing again. After much agonising though, I’ve made the difficult decision to give my Soapy Corners a bit of a rest (for a few weeks initially) so that I can spend time working on a lot of the ideas that I’ve had to shelve over the last year or so.

The first one is this website. The revamp was pretty much done before Christmas, and my trusty (and excellent) new web man is poised and ready to go live with it as soon as I’ve rewritten some of the pages. It’ll feel like a great new start for both the site and me.

My ‘Soapy Corners Live’ on Tellyspy are also off-air temporarily, but they’ll be back soon in a brand new format which I hope you’ll enjoy – apart from having to see my face on-screen, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it after a couple of weeks (or a stiff drink)!

Lastly for now, I must just tell you about the exciting tweet I had on New Year’s Eve from the lovely Michelle Hardwick (‘Vanessa the Vet’ in Emmerdale) who was on holiday and had not only been planning to propose to her girlfriend but had also been reading my book ‘Just Good Friends?’!

To say that this tweet ‘brightened my mood’ (on what is traditionally the worst night of the year for me) is an understatement, and it gave me a very unexpected glimmer of hope and expectation that 2014 might just turn out to be a good year for me after – let’s face it – an awful lot of rubbish ones!

Where you can read/hear me:

Here’s my latest Yahoo!TV post: ‘The best of the week’s one-liners’. (If this link isn’t showing the most recent/last week’s episodes it’ll just be because it hasn’t yet been published by YahooTV, but as soon as they upload the page on their site then I’ll update the link.)

You can also hear my live half hour of Soapy chat on The Big Mid-Morning Show between 10.30-11.00 am on Thursday mornings on Swindon 105.5 FM  – or via Tunein Radio if you’re not lucky enough to live in Sunny Swindon (!).

The post Jane Reynolds's blog: Sunday 19th January 2014 appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

It was a ‘challenging’ year, and this Christmas was also a challenge, but as I sat alone on New Year’s Eve, the saddest thing for me was knowing that my father died without having seen me make a success (i.e. ‘earn a living’) from my writing.

Life gives and it takes away – mostly the second for me

He’d always thought I was foolish to have finally given up work to become a writer (after having wanted to do so right from being a child), and made no bones about it. Having thought I’d ‘got’ an Agent almost immediately after having started submitting my debut novel seemed to be the culmination of a lifetime’s ambition for me, but – like everything in my life – it turned out to be another bitter disappointment, and hit me very hard.

I started blogging to help publicise my book (because that’s what you’re meant to do, apparently) and – as these things so often do – it somehow evolved into a Soap blog for our top three UK Soaps, and from there has led to my regular radio broadcasts and my live weekly internet radio show.

I’ve recently started writing for YahooTV (for which I get paid), but – as some of you will know – the time it takes to watch the shows then write each section and upload the photos for my ‘Soapy Corners’ and my Yahoo posts leaves me with little time to do anything else.

The only money I earn is from the one little office-cleaning and two weekly ironing jobs I do, but – in effect – that’s another two days gone, and I am at a point now where I feel as if I’m drowning in it all, but for what?

I LOVE writing my Soap stuff. I LOVE broadcasting, and would love nothing more than to get a regular weekly job on TV and/or the radio/online etc talking Soaps (or writing for one of the Soaps in ANY way, shape or form), but I HAVE to start earning some money from it somehow, otherwise I’m just going to have to give it all up.

I’ve sat here in tears this morning at the prospect of not only starting another year knowing that I’d not only earned barely anything from the more than two thousand hours I’d spent writing in 2013, but that it’s my 55th Birthday next week and that my dream of earning a living as a writer seems as far away as ever.

And then there’s my book …

The Emmerdale Actress Michelle Hardwick (@ChelleHardwick) has just finished reading ‘Just Good Friends?’ and said that she, ‘Couldn’t put it down’. WHAT a thrill for me – to know that a lesbian actress has enjoyed it so much, but where do I go from here?

It’s selling steadily on all the online book sales outlets, but as I’ve spent the best part of 2.5 years building my Soap ‘career’ (which wasn’t meant to happen, don’t forget) I’ve missed out on 2.5 years I maybe should have spent writing the sequel and working on publicising it.

This is typical of my life, you see.

I didn’t MEAN to get into Soap writing. I only started it to publicise my book, but now I’ve spent all this time and got almost nothing to show from EITHER. I got a bit tearful talking to my friend about it all yesterday and she told me bluntly that I’ve been spreading myself too thinly and should focus on one or the other.

That’s easier said than done though. There’s a powerful paragraph in ‘The Traveller’s Gift’ by Andy Andrews about a man on a journey of discovery who’s shown around a huge warehouse by an Angel.  It’s stuffed full of riches, but the Angel tells him that they’re the riches that people ALMOST succeeded in achieving but who all gave up at the very moment before they were about to achieve success.

My fear is of giving up the Soap stuff (which I love doing) because I sense that I’m on the verge of achieving success (i.e. earning a living) from it, but how long do you give it? I simply can’t be sat here in another twelve months pondering the same question.

I’m keenly aware that my health is starting to suffer from the stress of working a seven day week (but earning less than I would if I was on the dole and laying in bed all day). How can that be right? I’m the hardest working person I know, but what’s the point in that?

I’ve worked myself to the verge of exhaustion almost every day of my life, but at least I used to get paid for it. I live like a pauper, and in 2013 only went out for coffee around half a dozen times. This was something I used to do ALL the time, but now don’t HAVE the time to do, yet I don’t earn any money from it. How stupid is that? I have no life (because I’ve put everything else to one side to write – as if you want something enough you HAVE to give it your all), but I have no money either, so what on earth am I doing?

Why am I writing this?

I don’t know. I hadn’t intended to, but regular readers (of what used to be a short page of comment accompanying my weekly Soap/TV review posts) will know that I have always been completely honest about what’s happening so that if and when something good DID happen I’d be able to share it with you all and you’d all know what it had taken to get to that point.

Anyone clicking onto this page will have probably clicked away by now, but something’s making me spill all this stuff out, and I no longer question ‘The Universe’ when it seems to be making me do things because if I’d trusted The Universe I’d have won £6 million on the Lottery so I just do as it bids me now.

What has 2014 got in store for me?

God only knows, but one thing I DO know is that by 4th January 2015 I’ll either be earning a living as a writer or be back as a wage slave again (if anyone’ll have me), as – although I live like a pauper – I can’t continue to afford to live at all without an income, so need to earn at least £1000 a month to pay my rent/bills and food.

Being single doesn’t come cheap. It still costs the same amount of money to heat a flat – no matter how many people live in it – so if you’re reading this and need some sort of a writer, or are a literary Agent who’d like to take me on (my book has been optioned to be made into an Independent Film @JGFFilm – still unfinanced at present, unfortunately), then ‘Every little helps’, and if I can find a way of earning at least enough to live from my writing, then I’ll be thrilled.

I see myself as the ‘Harry Hill TV Burp’ of Soap-writing (as I pick out exactly the same sort of things that he used to on his wonderful show), and with my love of one-liners I always aim to put a bit of a humorous twist to my work.

I’ve also got a number of other writing ideas that I’d love to pursue, but I’m putting this post out now without even proofreading it (because if I do I know I’ll end up deleting it or rewriting it so it’s less honest – which will defeat what I’m doing by writing it in the first place) and without any pictures, because if I upload any photos I’ll just end up re-reading it, and I daren’t do that or I’ll start editing it etc.

Right. Here goes nothing … or something?

PS This site is in the middle of a revamp which has had to be put back because I HAVE to get my tax return done. It’s now ‘critical’ (due to not having done anything on it for a year because of my father/the house etc) and I’m not going to be able to write any ‘Soapy Corners’ in January (much as I’d love to and am gutted to not be able to) as the little free time I’ve got HAS to be spent on that. Wish me luck. It’s a lot of work ahead!

Where you can read/hear me:

My latest Yahoo!TV posts:  ‘What we learned from the Soaps this week‘ and ‘The best of the week’s one-liners’. ‘What we learned from the Soaps’ is original content and is unrelated to my Soapy Corners, so if you’d like to learn a few (completely UN) important (and humorous) handy hints and tips, go and take a look! (If the link isn’t showing the most recent post it’ll be because it hasn’t yet been published by YahooTV. As soon as it is I’ll update the links.)

My live, lighthearted weekly internet Soap reviews are on Tellyspy (Twitter: @Tellyspy) from 6.00-6.45 pm every Monday, and you can hear my live half hour of Soapy chat on The Big Mid-Morning Show between 10.30-11.00 am on Thursday mornings on Swindon 105.5 FM.

The post A new year, and here we are again … appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

Congratulations; Christmas; cowboys, comas and comb-overs. 

Christmas in Emmerdale, and everyone’s getting on like a house on fire. Oops … Yes, Declan’s latest bright idea was to burn Home Farm down and pocket the insurance money. Ah, and it was all going so well too, until the whole thing ‘went up in smoke’.

I love a soap fire, don’t you? They always burn ‘just right’, so that people can sit around and wander in and out until – finally – someone rescues someone, and that person ends up in a coma in hospital.

‘Forever’ is forever – except in soapland

This time, it’s the lovely Megan resting-up (and looking better than I do!) while Declan and Charity conspire to frame Sam. Well, from the moment Sam told the family his feelings for Rachel were forever, “And so are we,” you could almost hear the bell toll, couldn’t you? I wouldn’t bother with a ring, mate; you’ll be needing that money for a solicitor.

Still, at least we’ve seen the back of that hideous 1960s wallpaper and those giant shark teeth. Let’s hope that whoever chooses the new decor isn’t hallucinating at the time, and let’s hope Gil buys it, as if Declan pulls this off and remains at Home Farm it’ll be a joke, as surely even the incompetent, idiotic Skipdale police ought to be able to work out that this is merely an Insurance job?

“If you could jot down the names of anyone who works there as they’ll need to be questioned,” one of the coppers asked Deccers.

Blimey, that’s a tough one. Well, there’s Sam, and …

Apart from what he squandered on that hideous decor and those ‘artefacts’, it’s a wonder Declan’s not still rolling in it. He’s hardly got a large wage bill to pay out every month, has he? As you might know, I feel that Declan’s character has run its course, and reckon it’s definitely time for the village to get a new Lord of the Manor.

Alicia had more than a skeleton in her cupboard

But enough of that, as romance was in the air (and a sister in the cupboard) as David and Alicia got married, but it was Val who outshone the bride for me (especially in that hat, which suited her so well). In fact, it pretty-much felt like ‘The Val Show’ all week, as she was in so many scenes – and managed to steal every one of them!

Hilarious? I should say so. Her comic timing’s a joy to watch, and she and Kerry had me rolling ‘up the aisle’ during the whole of the wedding stuff (Eric and Hairy David both trying to go through the arch together was dead funny!), and Kerry’s ‘tracksuit envy’ was hilarious: “Where did you get your tracksuit? It’s mint. Oh, I love it. It’s dead classy.” Brilliant!

I’m so glad to see Dan and Kerry still together. They’re a perfect pairing and complement each other so well (as do Val and Eric) and I hope they get to stay together in 2014.

Ride ’em Cowboy

Talking of chemistry though; I’m still not ‘feeling it’ for James Barton (although Moira clearly is). I just can’t take to him, and the more I see him, the more I reckon that all he needs is a hat and a holster and they’ll be able to start calling him ‘Big JB’.

Have you noticed how he even stands with his hands in his pockets like a cowboy, and when he said, “It’s a one-pub town” on Thursday I thought I must have nodded off and woken up watching a third-rate spaghetti western!

All that pales into insignificance when I see him with Moira though. The man’s practically undressing her with his eyes every time he looks at her, and – I’m sorry to say – she appears to be doing the same. Someone needs to throw a bucket of cold water over the pair of them!

It’s Cain I feel sorry for though, because (for the first time ever) he’s properly ‘in love’, and yet suddenly this long-lost, never-before-heard-of cowboy and his mismatch of sons (one of whom looks older than his dad) has just rolled into town from God-knows where and is about to take it all from him.

On the other hand, it looks as if Big JB’s ‘cow girl’ Vanessa the Vet has conveniently forgotten that she’s meant to be gay/in love with Rhona and has suddenly become one of the Barton posse. She’ll need to dye her hair if she wants to join The Black-Haired-Bartons though (and when’s James going to turn them into a proper matching set?).

Ooh, I do take it to heart, don’t I? Ha ha. It’s only because it’s all such good stuff that we believe in it though, isn’t it? Anyway, let’s have a laugh. I could pretty-much have just transcribed all Val’s lines and had done with it this week, but here’s some of them, and the rest of our Grins of The Week:

Marlon: “Aah, the traditional blood-curdling scream of the bride getting ready.”

Bernice: “What is Auntie Val doing to her?”

Diane: “Burning her hair off, mostly.”

Alicia: “Washing it won’t make it grow back.”

Bernice: “We could poof up the rest with a blow-dry and sort-of create a comb-over effect.”

Alicia: “Bernice. I am NOT getting married with a comb-over.”

Alicia: “What are you doing here?”

Leyla: “She locked me in.”

Alicia: “Not in there!”

Val: “Oi. I saw you in the pub earlier.”

Priya: “Well, I do work there.”

Sandy: “Check again. He (Santa) always delivers.”

Gabby: “He didn’t deliver me a pony.”

Jai: “Archie’s a very lucky boy, cos Santa’s dropped off a load of presents at Daddy’s house.”

Zak: “I’m surprised that didn’t cripple the reindeer.”

Val: “I’ll pin it up. I don’t think she’ll be able to tell.”

Diane: “She will when she takes it down.”

Val: “But by then she’ll be married and wasted.”

Alicia: “I forgot my moisturiser. I’ll borrow some of Chas’s.”

Val: “You don’t wanna use her cheap rubbish. It’ll bring you out in hives.”

Harriet: “Why don’t you just jump to the bit where you snog his face off? I’ll give you a demo if you like.”

David: “Er, no. You’re alright.”

Val: “Oi. ‘Little Miss Jilted’. I thought I told you to stay away?”

Priya: “You slurred a few words at me. To be honest, it didn’t make much sense.”

PS

* Apparently David and Jake decorated the church for the wedding. Yeah, right. It looked absolutely stunning, and there’s no way on earth ‘one man and his boy’ could have ever created something so beautiful!

* Oh, how many young boys have been given a version of these words: ‘Touch that again; you won’t have any fingers. I mean … be careful with the organ, please’ (although not by a vicar while actually sitting at one)!

* I loved Samson’s line as he stuck his nose in the caviar: ‘Smells like Hamish’!

* I was a bit scared to see the shot of a full moon in one scene. I thought I’d nodded off again and woken up in EastEnders.

* You’d think Leyla would have got the hang of present giving by now, wouldn’t you? When you give someone a gift you’re not meant to tell them what it is as you hand it to them. Dur!

* HOW cute was Arthur when he saw the kitten?

* Ashley and Harriet? There’s a few ‘looks’ passing between them, and she’s man-mad, so it’s only a matter of time, surely?

* Lisa said, “What goes around, comes around.” Oh, if ONLY that were true in real life!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ITV EMMERDALE HOMEPAGE

YOU MIGHT ALSO ENJOY MY RECENT YAHOO!TV ONE-LINER POSTS: 23RD-27TH DEC; 16TH-20TH DEC; AND MY ‘WHAT WE ‘LEARNT‘ FROM THE SOAPS’ POSTS (ORIGINAL CONTENT NOT ASSOCIATED WITH THIS BLOG): 9TH-13TH DEC.

The post Christmas in Emmerdale appeared first on Jane Reynolds.

One tiny new life; new beginnings; doors (and closets) opening and cell doors slamming shut.

It’s a big post. I’ve got A LOT to say …

Christmas can be murder. Janine’s certainly was. It might take a while, but (like with Emmerdale’s Carl) Soap ‘baddies’ will always get their comeuppance in the end. Janine’s performance over the last few weeks has been gripping, and Charlie Brooks is definitely going out on a high.

I’d written of my concerns that in a year when we’d already lost two of the show’s finest cast (Tanya and Zainab), would the departure of one of the show’s remaining few truly good actors be enough to seal EastEnders’ fate?

I’d stopped watching for the best part of 2013 as I simply couldn’t continue to sit through what had turned into – let’s face it – absolute drivel.

Happy days are here again – hopefully

EastEnders appeared to be in terminal decline. Ratings were plummeting (a fact even finally conceded by the Soap Awards), but – boy – WHAT a difference the new producer and his team have made.

I’ve slated Kat Slater and moaned about Alfie Moon, but – incredibly – I’m now officially ‘back in love’ with the show, and have to admit that over this Christmas week, EastEnders has absolutely nailed it (although not having Dexter in it’s been a factor. PLEASE get rid of this character … oh, and no more East End gangsta stuff, ok?) and has been ‘top of the Soaps’ for me.

After all I’ve said in this blog about Kat and Alfie having lost credibility as a couple; seeing them over this last month or so has felt genuinely uplifting, and the joyous look on both their faces over the pregnancy test had me filling-up. It couldn’t have looked more real. Glorious acting.

I loved the way Kat delivered the line: “It might be a little speck of dust,” (a brilliant impersonation of ‘Little Britain’s’ Marjorie Dawes there!). A new baby and finally getting them out of the pub is a master stroke.

Out with the old and in with the new!

There’s two words I often have to use in this blog: ‘realistic’ and ‘credible’. Storylines are often stretched WAY beyond levels of realism and credibility you’d encounter in even your wildest dreams, and Mick and Linda’s arrival at the Queen Vic is a case in point.

Last week we saw them running a pub in Watford. How could they just walk out of there at the busiest time of year (wouldn’t they have had to work their notice?) and rock up in Walford – on Boxing Day – with no possessions (apart from a dog), and with Mick only having had a fifteen-minute-warning from Phil, and getting the keys (no paperwork?!) after handing over a big bag of cash only a few hours earlier?

AS IF … but I’ll let that one go, as I think they’re great! Mick and Linda seem to have real chemistry and – to me – have already made the Vic their own. Linda looks like Roxy and Bianca’s love child, and I can’t wait to see her stamp her mark on the place.

This ‘long-lost’ family’s come out of nowhere. Anything that gets Shirley back on our screens is alright by me though, but Linda’s right: “You put her behind the bar; people’ll run a mile.”

I’ve always loved Shirley, but this double act with Tina works like a dream. A big ‘Gold Star’ to the casting person who put this family together. Even the dog suits them. Loving it!

Shortest reconciliaton in history?

Carol and David are also riveting to watch, but I was gutted to see their touching reconciliation over faster than you could shout, ‘Don’t put that phone there, you fool’!

I’ll say it again: Lindsay Coulson’s a fine actress, and even though it’s another Soap cancer storyline I’ll be glued to my screen for this one.

“I’d like my mum and dad and everyone I love to be in the same house to open all our presents together,” ‘Spud’ had asked. Be careful what you wish for, young Rosie.

Her wish came true, but probably NOT in the way she’d have imagined! It was all hugely entertaining, and it was as if Peggy Mitchell herself was in the room when Bianca cried: “Get ‘aht of my ‘ahhse.”

‘Spud’ is a good little actress. She and Tiffany are great together, and Bianca’s impression of Nikki was hilarious (“I’d like to show her the nearest exit.”), as was her outfit. Did she get dressed in the dark, or had she had one too many sherbets by then? I do hope she’s going to take Terry back …

The other bits:

Yet again, there was SO much Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background in this week’s episodes that it could have had a post to itself, but I just haven’t had the time to be able to list them as I’ve been far too busy scribbling down the one-liners.

Just LOOK how many Grins of the Week: we’ve got! Did you ever think you’d see the day when EastEnders would give us anything more than a couple of feeble offerings? Let’s just hope that this new-found hilarity is here to stay. Daisy Coulson’s episodes have helped breathe new life into the show, and the humour seems to be rubbing off on the other writers too (excluding Sharon Marshall, of course – whose occasional episodes always provide us with wall-to-wall belly laughs!).

I’ve even had to miss a few out or I’d still be writing by this time next week! Enjoy:

Peter: “All I’m saying is maybe it’s time you buried the hatchet.”

Ian: “What, in Phil Mitchell’s head?”

Ian: Behold. I bring you tidings of great joy.”

Phil: “You about to tell me you’re up the duff or something?”

Mo: “I bet you a fiver there’s tears before midnight.”

Alfie: “Shut up, you dopey cow. Last time I cried was when West Ham was relegated back in May 2011. Why don’t you choke on a pickled onion or something?”

Ronnie: “Where are you going?”

Roxy: “Sales.”

Ronnie: “And you have to tiptoe to those, do you?”

Tiffany: “How come they get to open their presents and we don’t?”

Whitney: “Because they are what you call ‘The product of a broken home’.”

Tiffany: “So are we.”

Denise: “You’re freaking me out now.”

Patrick: “You know what you need?”

Denise: “A stiff drink?”

Mick: “If you’re going to be mad, be mad at me.”

Linda: “I am mad at you.”

Mick: “I mean like, ‘chucking cups and plates’ mad.”

Linda: “Well, how about a frying pan round the head?”

Shirley: “It’s going to be a gay bar.”

Billy: “Yeah, right (!)”

Shirley: “I’ve seen the plans. There’s lots of little rainbow flags, they’re going to paint it pink and there’s loads of drawings of these oiled-up men suspended in cages.”

Billy: “But that’s my local.”

Shirley: “It’ll still be your local. You’ll just have to ‘oil up’, Billy.”

Billy: “Gays are taking over.”

Alfie: “What? The world?”

Billy: “No. Here. The Vic.”

Denise: “I wonder if he’s gone for platinum or gold?”

Patrick: “This is Ian we’re talking about, you know?”

Denise: “Fair play. Be lucky if it ain’t an onion ring.”

Billy: “Don’t look like a gay bar, does it?”

Terry: “How many you been in, then?”

Whitney: “Nothing says ‘Christmas’ like burning stuff in a bucket, does it?”

Shirley: “I brought a little something for us to celebrate with.”

Mick: “Ah, that’s lovely, that is.”

Linda: “Shall we open it now, before it goes stale?”

Mo: “I got a surprise too.”

Kat: “No you ain’t.”

Sharon: “You want to get in there now, do you?” You should have thought of that.”

Shirley: “How about I use your head to open that door?”

PS

* Remember Alfie saying ‘he didn’t give drinks on the house’ a couple of weeks ago? Yeah, well he was at it again this week. Honestly; it’d be more of a shock if someone actually PAID for a drink in that place.

* Mo said to Peter, “Ain’t you got big! When you’re done, son, I’ll give you a little rub down.” She’ll have to get in line!

* Max coming the moral highground with Jake’s a bit rich, innit? Forgotten about Stacey then, ‘av ‘ya?

* Five rolls of wrapping paper for £5? On an East End market stall? You’re ‘avin a larff, ain’t ya? That’s way too much, Kat!

* Joey asked Lauren to leave with him (and his one small holdall). “I’ll be at the station in ten minutes,” he told her. Who on earth could pack in ten minutes? She’d barely have had time to run home for her coat in that time. He should have given her an hour at the VERY least. ‘Realism’ and ‘credibility’ …

* Speaking of which: how did they get the new name plate up so fast? Mick only bought the place on Christmas Day night, and even that was only on a fifteen minute warning from Phil, so hadn’t even been guaranteed to get it. Which sign maker is open on Christmas Day night? (Realism … Credibility … )

* Notice how Bianca said she was about to ‘dish up’ but was still peeling carrots?

* HOW many lights? Is Walford Borough Council made of money?

* Talking of lights: want to take a light off the wall but don’t have a screwdriver? Just get Janine in. She’ll rip it out for you in a flash. Don’t worry about the wiring/electrics. She’s clearly fully insulated!

* Sharon said she wouldn’t let Cousin ITT go in the Army. Don’t worry love; they wouldn’t want anything to do with that barnet.

* “That little girl is the only person in the world who doesn’t hate you,” David told Janine. Give her time.

* I see Amy’s back to her ‘mute’ self. Saying three words in a row (‘Mummy, mummy, mummy’) last month clearly took it out of her.

* How did Kat and Alfie manage to go from not having even started packing to being packed and moving out in the space of only a couple of hours?

* I’ve read a bit of criticism of Danny Dyer online over the last few days. He’s known for playing ‘ard men, apparently, but as I don’t watch stuff like that I’ve never seen him in anything before so – luckily – I’m starting with a blank page, and (on the evidence so far) I’d say he’s definitely exploring his feminine side!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE BBC EASTENDERS’ HOMEPAGE

PPS

Since I started writing this post I’ve read that Charlie Brooks has been criticised for dismissing the Christmas Day ratings as ‘irrelevant’ (after EastEnders was beaten by Coronation Street). She pointed out that each soap, ‘Goes up and down’.

Many have dismissed her comments as ‘sour grapes’ but she’s right. Nobody’s been a bigger critic of EastEnders than me over the last 12-18 months. It’s been on one hell of a ‘down’, but is on the ‘up’ again and – in my opinion – the Christmas Day episode knocked the spots off Corrie’s, but its recent history is what led to its disappointing viewing figures, and I hope that everybody who DIDN’T watch it will now go straight onto iPlayer for a catch up or they’ll have missed a treat.

YOU MIGHT ALSO ENJOY MY RECENT YAHOO!TV ONE-LINER POSTS: 23RD-27TH DEC; 16TH-20TH DEC; AND MY ‘WHAT WE ‘LEARNT‘ FROM THE SOAPS’ POSTS (ORIGINAL CONTENT NOT ASSOCIATED WITH THIS BLOG): 9TH-13TH DEC.

The post Christmas can be murder. Janine's certainly was appeared first on Jane Reynolds.