when did life get so {complicated}?

Monday Musings :: I Can't Let This Blog Die

2011-09-19T07:42:00.000-04:00

Hello, Blogosphere.

To whoever is out there, still reading this blog.

Don't fret!

I haven't run out of things to blog about.

I continue to have zany ideas for 10 Things Thursdays.

I still have an existential meltdown at least once a week.

And I never stop musing about the world every Monday.

Certain circumstances have kept me from blogging.

1) I have to drop Resident Husby off at work in the early morning. This was my time to blog, but now I have to get up and leave very early.

2) Resident Husby has had some weekends off lately. So I am spending my time with him.

3) Resident Husby is using my computer to study for Step 3.

4) I am putting in 50 hours a week at work (including Saturdays!) This is on top of a 30-45 minute commute each way.

Between long hours at work, no access to my computer, and only having one car in our humble little household, I just don't have time. I get to work hours early, but 1) there is no internet access and 2) Resident Husby is jacking my computer!

Until we meet again,

Mrs. F

Existential Saturdays :: The Plumber's Wife

2011-09-10T17:14:00.001-04:00

My job is okay. I blog about it a lot but don't go into too many details because I don't want to get fired or discovered.

Since I am new, I have been receiving all kinds of training. The company doesn't have a training program, they just make you sit with someone to learn the trade. It saves them money because the trainer still gets work done while teaching the trainee (who is getting paid to learn).

This week I had a chance to sit with someone different. She has been working with the company for almost 5 years, which is a long time for this company (moderate turnover).

Right off, I knew I wouldn't like this girl. I observed her interactions with others in the office. She always has something negative to say about how someone is doing their job. And she's not even a supervisor/manager. And when someone does their job wrong, it just bothers her to no end. What's it to her? If someone sucks at their job, it's no skin off her back. She is always calling people stupid. This broad would probably think Stephen Hawking is retarded. And she would use that word, "retarded", in an inappropriate way. Maybe law school made me too PC but I don't use the word "retarded" ever, because that's just bad manners.

This girl is also kinda chunky, which is alright, but then she wears those stupid fat burning Skechers shoes that I am sure will cause joint pain one day. Why would you want to make it so obvious that you are overweight and want to lose weight. We all have our weight issues, I just keep mine to myself (outside the blogosphere).

These are not going to make you skinny.
Please do some cardio.

At any rate, I got to sit with her for a while. She tells me that I make mistakes on my files. I ask her which ones. "I don't know, but trust me, you made those mistakes." She can't articulate 1) which files and 2) what types of mistakes. Is it a typo/clerical error or a substantive one? She probably doesn't know what substantive means because she didn't differentiate between the two and said they were just "mistakes." It is a chore training with her.

She continues to be full of herself as she thinks the way she does things is the right way. With our software program, sometimes there is more than one way to do the right thing. I wonder if she thinks she's the better half of a company "power couple" as many people at my job have family that also works there. I ask if her husband works at our office. "Oh no. He could never do this. He is a plumber and works with his hands." Cool. The stuck up girl who thinks nobody can do their job right and Stephen Hawking is stupid has a plumber for a husband. I truly feel sorry for him.

Nothing wrong with being married to a plumber.
There is everything wrong with being a rancid bitch.

I guess what is *most* irritating about all this is that if I acted like a stuck up bitch (the way this broad does), then people would attribute it to the fact that I'm a spoiled doctor's wife. Everyone knows this girl is mean, but people are polite to her, and don't put her in her place. But I'm pretty sure that if I acted stuck up like that, I would get put in my place and my husband's profession would be to blame.

As a daughter of a doctor, and now the wife of a first year resident, I don't know if people will ever stop being jealous of me. I think in future posts I'll take pictures of my ~~house~~ apartment and my parents house, just to prove that not all doctors families have nice things. Heck, all the people out there with Pottery Barn/Crate and Barrel credit card debt and a foreclosure in progress on their McMansion probably have it better. Way better.

Monday Musings :: I Don't Deserve a Three-Day Weekend

2011-09-05T10:16:00.000-04:00

I've been working now for a couple of weeks.

And you know from what I've written that it is a typical, boring office job.

But I enjoy the company of my co-workers, so I decided not to quit.

Also, I get to listen to music all day. My days at work go by fast. I eat at my desk and get paid for my working lunch. We can take reasonable amount of (paid) breaks, as long as we don't abuse them. Work is basically a party that is productive.

So it is no surprise when I find myself thinking, as Resident Husby is off as well, that I don't deserve a three-day weekend.

I don't save lives, or teach children. I don't help people with their complex legal issues. I don't really even improve anyone's quality of life.

A trained monkey could probably do what I do.

And I find myself not burned out, and always refreshed and never emotionally drained when I come home from work. Because my job is not stressful or important, and I refuse to act like it is.

I doubt many people in the Blogosphere would be willing to admit they don't deserve a three-day weekend. My blog is about keeping it real, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

LOL @ this book! I wouldn't take it personally
if Resident Husby told me this :)

Existential Saturdays :: What if I Have a Daughter?*

2011-09-04T10:15:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I don't feel good about the way I look and I blame God. Not on my weight, but you know, for not making me as pretty as other girls. And it bothers me so much that I don't want to have children. Because what if I have a daughter that isn't classically beautiful (read: blonde hair, blue eyes)? I know it is genetically impossible for me to have a such a daughter (I'd show you the Punnett square, but then you'd know how big of a nerd I truly am). I know I should just be happy with what God gave me in the looks department, but that is not fair because other people seem to have gotten more from Him. It is difficult to believe in God when you have so many existential issues.

I know there are beautiful women of all colors, shapes, and sizes. But life can be easier if you are born with blue eyes. Did you read The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison? She just wants to have blue eyes because that would solve so many of her problems. As an Indian woman, and more generally a woman of color, I, too, have felt this sentiment so many times. Life would be so much less complicated if I had been born with blue eyes. I know I have too many existential issues to have a child. I'm sure I'd give her the same complex, even though she'd be 1/2 white. I'll leave the breeding to those who don't have existential issues.

"Daughter" by Pearl Jam

*I am nowhere close to being pregnant. Potential future issues also give me existential meltdowns, from time to time.

Monday Musings :: The (White) Girls Next Door

2011-08-29T06:56:00.001-04:00

Our apartment/townhouse complex has finally reached full capacity. There are four individual, two-bedroom units. One unit is occupied by a nurse that works at UPMC, one unit is of course occupied by us, and as of this weekend, two sets of two girls have moved into the two remaining units. Say that 10 times fast.

These girls, of course, are white. Young-looking and middle-class (from the cars they drive) and childless (this area is not kid friendly). Which brings me to ask, why oh why did the landlord only rent to people who have vaginas? What did he say to get them to live in this dump? That there's a frumpy looking Indian chick married to a young White doctor at UPMC? That if they play their cards right, he could be theirs? Seriously, am I thinking this irrationally?

But it's not like the girls look like this:

Thank goodness they don't look like this!

I'm not worried about the fact that there are a bunch of White girls next door. I'm more worried that I'm NOT worried. Am I crazy? Totally. But the fact that a bunch of average-looking White girls have moved in next door isn't giving me an existential breakdown is making me think either 1) I'm secure in our marriage 2) the girls aren't that good looking, or 3) I'm an old married house frau that doesn't care anymore.

House frau is totally oblivious.

But anyways, I'm not going to do anything too crazy like having angry revenge preventative sex with Resident Husby or anything like that. No....that would just be too crazy of me....

Existential Saturdays :: Everything You Want (Desi Feminist Revolt)

2011-08-27T18:43:00.006-04:00

I'm going all existential on youse guyses (that's Pittsburghese for "you guys" or "y'all"). Last night I went out to dinner with Resident Husby and his call team. There was a good mix of people, but overall there were more Desi (read: Indian/Pakistani/Bengali) people than, you know, White people. We even ate at an Indian restaurant.

Everything was fine. The meal was pleasant. I met a Pakistani girl (the only non-doctor at the gathering) who had the same name as my sister. Her husband was a PGY-3 and they had a cute little daughter. I talked to everyone, everyone talked to me. I felt confident, poised, lovely, and smart. After all, I was a law school graduate and had a world of knowledge not known to the doctors. I also thought, "hey, I have an advanced degree and a job now, unlike the Pakistani stay-at-home mom." I knew I didn't have everything, but at least I had something that Pakistani Mommy Dearest didn't have.

As I was sharing this with Resident Husby, he informed me that the extremely young looking imported Pakistani housewife/stay-at-home mom to a 3 year old was also a doctor and looking for a residency program. She went to school overseas, so she got her medical education completed quickly and by the time she turned 23 this year. TWENTY-THREE.

-begin existential meltdown now-

Here I was, charming Resident Husby's coworkers, making everyone laugh at my barrage of jokes and dropping legal knowledge bombs all over the place. All while little Miss Pakistani Mommy Dearest was the Ultimate Desi Wife.

What is the Ultimate Desi Wife? Well, thanks to the idiots in the women's rights movement, it is an impossible standard. And remember, Desi culture is slow to remove outdated traditions yet can be quick to adopt new ones that just so happen to get them money. Hence the transition from Desi people in the US just being doctors to owning Seven Elevens, then hotels, and now Subways.

Ultimate Desi Wife

1. Light skinned (for a brown person)

2. Is a doctor

3. Obedient

4. Will carry the Indian/Pakistani/Bengali culture

5. Cooks perfect ethnic food from scratch

6. Serves her husband 110%

7. Comes from a wealthy family

8. Is tall (for a brown person)

9. Effortlessly has multiple children

10. Works to the bone her whole life

So, if anyone thinks that a Desi Wife should have all those above qualities, I would love to extend a nice F**K YOU to them. I don't use bad language much on my blog, but it really gets old when women ARE EXPECTED TO DO EVERYTHING. How can you be a doctor, a perfectly obedient wife, constantly serving your husband, and have multiple children raised completely Desi? Where do you get the time to do all this and then bend to the whims of your crazy Desi in-laws?

That is what is wrong with Desi culture. Women are liberated to the point where they are now not only allowed but *expected* to work and bring in BIG bucks and they also have to do all the stuff that their mothers and grandmothers had to do, which is keep it all Stepford at home, Desi style (which is seriously difficult, folks).

I know Resident Husby and his family love me bunches. I *know* I am the most important thing in his life. When he walks into a room, I'm the only woman he sees. I know all he expects of me is to be happy and always in love with him. It's just the projections of what society, and not just Desi society, expects that are troubling. I wish I could have been a doctor, I would have a job with job security. I wish I could be the Ultimate Desi Wife, but it's just not me. I can't be something I'm not, and trying is just too exhausting.

Monday Musings :: The Ones That Really Despise Our Interracial Union

2011-08-22T07:02:00.000-04:00

My last several posts have been about work/career existential issues, and other random observations. I thought I’d change things up this Monday by blogging about something a little “heavier” and more controversial.

As you might have gathered, I am in an interracial relationship. This piques a lot of people’s curiosity. They also tend to stereotype these unions, which is understandable. But Resident Husby and I aren’t your average interracial union. I’m a minority female married to a white male, and in many circles, this is a complete anomaly.

Diversity is always good, right?

I won’t get into too many details about the dynamic of our interracial union, but just know this—I am a brown (parents are from India) female, who is married to a white (Caucasian if you’re totally PC, which I’m obvi not) male.

Many people judge us harshly because of this, especially Indian people. They expect Indian women to bear the burden of carrying Indian culture. Yet they are perfectly fine with an Indian man marrying a white female. In fact, the parents are proud of these Blonde Bahu’s (daughter in laws).

The judgment and intolerance from traditional Indian individuals pales in comparison to one demographic that is particularly cruel and judgmental towards our melting pot of a marriage. The ones that despise our interracial union the most are married, middle-aged, middle class white females.

LMAO

Of all the demographics/types of people that hate us and what we stand for, the married, middle-aged, middle class white woman was a total head scratcher for the longest time. I couldn’t figure out why these women hated me. How did I figure out they hated me? These women were the ones that would give us the harshest, cruelest stares. I expect people to stare at Resident Husby and I when we go out—we are a handsome and diverse-looking couple. An extended glance or two is normal. The stares I get from married, middle-aged, middle class white females are so harsh I have become confrontational, as I have started calling them out on it. Here are some uncomfortable situations I have been faced with thanks to this demographic.

Situation 1: We go to Moe’s Southwest Grill on a Monday for their $5 burrito + drink special. We are in the South and Resident Husby (who was a med student at the time) is in scrubs. The line is out the door and the place is packed with families and children. We wait in line. These women are staring at me up and down. If looks could kill, I would have died about 40 times over. I run my left hand up and down Resident Husby’s back to show that he is my freakin’ HUSBAND and I have the rock he picked out for ME. And these women just keep staring, women with children, women that are white, women that must be middle class, and women who are themselves married.

Why would you eat somewhat "ethnic" fast-food if you are blatantly racist?

Situation 2: We are in the South, again (I guess this area can be just plain intolerant). We are at a medium-sized department store in a small town. We select a few items and hit the checkout counter. The check-out lady looks at us. Looks at Resident Husby, then down at me. Looks at Resident Husby, then down at me (I am short tee hee). She’s not really paying attention to ringing us up correctly or anything. Even Resident Husby notices that is lady is weird as hell. She just seemed so *uncomfortable* with us holding hands and Resident Husby putting his arm around me, opening his wallet to pay for MY purchases. She has a conversation with him, ignores me. The broad is getting on my nerves. I ask Resident Husby to please pull the car around. I then confront her. “I guess you don’t see a lot of interracial couples around here?” She then proceeds to tell me that there aren’t enough white single men for white single women what with all the white single men wanting exotic girls and all. I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EARS. She had on a wedding ring, what did she care that I was married to a white man. (Note: husby was NOT wearing scrubs, but rather a Hard Rock Café shirt. We looked cheap as hell). After I got my receipt I informed her that it sucked for all those single white women that they couldn’t find white men like my husband, who love me dearly and are DOCTORS. (Yes, blogosphere, I volunteered this informati0n to someone. I am actually proud of my husband and bragged just this one time.) The look on this woman’s face was utter shock. I walked away, not taking the high road exactly, but making someone feel bad. It felt good.

It's because it is Southern, right? Would this have happened at
a Macy's in Cleveland? I don't know.

Situation 3: I am working at a law firm after graduation. It is in the South (hey, I just recently moved to Pittsburgh, haven’t had time to meet racist Yinzers yet). I befriend one of the secretaries. She is white, middle-aged, middle-class and married. We talk because we both have a similar sense of humor and love going out to eat all the time. I tell her about Resident Husby’s career path (he was a med student at the time). She of course thinks I am a lucky beeyotch, which is fine, I am. A few weeks later, after I realize I pretty much have job security at this firm, I bring in a picture of me and Resident Husby. I place it on my desk. It is a tiny picture, the size of a business card. Well Ms. Secretary is utterly shocked that I am with a white man. She does a 180 on me and starts treating me like shit. No, seriously, she throws me and anyone that likes me under the bus. Every day. She made the job unbearable. She would constantly talk about how I would have turned out successful if she had been my mother (her 22 year old daughter never went to college and is unemployed and pregnant). This woman reduced me to tears, all because 1) she knew my husband was going to be a doctor [and mind you, I did not volunteer this information, the broad asked] and 2) she didn’t like it that he was white. All the mean comments didn’t start until she found out he was white.

Blogosphere, I am not sure why middle-aged, middle class, married white women hate me so much. I actually have a great deal of respect for them, because they have families and have raised children, and many go to work every day. I could not figure out for the life of me why this demographic despised my interracial marriage so much.

And then it hit me! I finally figured out why this demographic so despised my interracial union.

They looked at my relationship with Resident Husby and wished their daughters were married to him! It makes perfect sense. A married, middle-aged, middle class white woman who has a daughter close to my age (or at least just over 18) would indeed want her to marry a man like Resident Husby, if not Resident Husby himself. He's 1) white 2) comes from an amazing family 3) cute 4) smart 5) a doctor and 6) adores me. Of course Ms. Secretary was jealous that I was married to him--her deadbeat future son-in-law was mean to her pregnant daughter and refused to work full time.

Mystery solved, right? People need to realize that fate brought my husband and I together. I didn't seek him out because he was white, and he wasn't looking for an exotic fix. He happens to be a doctor, I happen to be a lawyer (law school graduate only, to be precise). He's a great catch, and I'm a pretty good one, too. Me marrying a white guy didn't prevent a white girl from marrying a white man. It prevented her from marrying Resident Husby, perhaps, but she would have had to be in the right place at the right time for it to work out. And exactly like me.

Ten Things Thursday :: The Working Couple

2011-08-18T06:34:00.002-04:00

It’s been almost two full weeks for me at my new job and I’ve had quite a bit of adjusting to do. For the last few months, I’ve been in Stepford mode because I left my previous position and couldn’t decide if I wanted to join the workforce.

I need to read this, clearly.

The whirlwind that was my job search ended after three weeks and by the grace of God I have been gainfully employed for a bit.

I AM making it rain LOL sike

I’m a wee bit old fashioned and also OCD when it comes to managing my household. I serve Resident Husby meals because 1) I just *love* feeding him and 2) I don’t want him in my kitchen. In order to remain as Stepford as possible (I’m trying to be an Indian White Housewife, basically) I’ve adopted a few techniques/coping mechanisms/strategies.

1) I wake up when Resident Husby does. This allows me to be on the same sleep cycle, therefore still able to connect with him as much as possible.

2) I cook a full dinner before I leave for work. I put it in the fridge so it is reheat ready.

3) Instead of dedicating a full day to cleaning, I sneak chores in after I get home from work.

4) I admit that my current job is not as important as his. I am a low level paper pusher. He saves lives. His career comes first now.

5) I allow my 45-minute drive home to serve as my “me” time. True, I can’t paint my nails or check my messages, but I get to use this time to mentally plan things and listen to music. And talk to my girlfriends.

6) I do not bring work home. I know Resident Husby’s job is bad enough. He shouldn’t have to hear about how stressed I am about what to make for the company’s August birthday potluck.

7) I make a list of chores for husby. It is actually pretty limited (he only does 5% of the chores) but putting it in writing gives him accountability.

8) I make sure to give husby his “me” time. This means he gets to watch dumb shows on Netflix until about ½ hour after I get home.

9) I bake on the weekends. Baking takes a long time, but Sundays are going to be my bread, pound cake, and other “oven required” items day.

10) I’m budgeting so that my earnings can run our household. It is a long shot, but it is so motivating to know that we can put away a whole paycheck. It makes it all worth it.

Clearly, I'm exhausted.

Damn you feminists and judgmental world. Sometimes I wish we didn't live in a society where we are judged by how much money we make. I don't see how women with kids also have time to work. Maybe they have nannies/daycare/housekeepers. But right now, managing our little household of 2, along with working 9 hours a day (and a 45 min commute each way) is wearing me down. This is most definitely not a long term solution.

Mrs. F's daily existential breakdowns go something like this.

Monday Musings :: My Dad is Sorta Proud of Me

2011-08-15T19:44:00.002-04:00

I grew up in a strict Indian household. My mother and father were "Tiger Parents" if you know what I mean. They were strict and demanded nothing less than perfection. They weren't as bad as some of the other Indian/Asian parents I saw growing up, but they were pretty harsh. Disappointing them has always been one of my biggest fears, yet I seem to be so good at it. I was never skinny, pretty, smart, obedient, or nice enough for them. My mom reminded me of this every day.

I graduated from college and they didn't come to my graduation. They just didn't think it mattered because I wasn't doing anything after graduation. They forced me to take pre-med classes (which I guess I'm glad I did because that is how I met DH!) and those wrecked my GPA. If it hadn't been for those classes, my GPA would have been a 3.85. Seriously, I calculated it. I could have been Phi Beta Kappa. When I decided to go to law school, they were glad I was doing something, but were confident I didn't have what it took to be a good lawyer. They told me there was no place for a foreign minority female in the legal field. After the first year of law school, I wanted to quit. They forced me to stick to it because they said the only thing more worthless than a law degree is 1/3 of one.

I graduated from law school and they couldn't be bothered to come to my graduation. The same year they attended one of their friend's kid's medical school graduation. Ouch.

I don't say this to get pity. I say this leading up to the fact that I have decided to continue working my job. Why? Well, it goes something like this. I all but decided to quit Friday, then my dad called and congratulated me on my job. He asked if it was at a law firm. I said no, then began describing the job in detail, and what the company does. He pretty much stopped short of saying he was proud of me. This.is.huge. I was ready to never go back, and then I talk to him Saturday and he tells me how excited he is for me, how my work is a valuable contribution to a booming industry, and that I am going to be an invaluable employee with all my diverse experiences.

WOW. I was so shocked it completely changed my outlook on my job. Deep down, I will always be that insecure little girl that wants to please her parents. My dad's opinion of my job made me feel good about what I was doing. When I shared this with Resident Husby he just stared at me blankly, wondering why I give so much credence to what my father says. I can't explain it. I didn't have a good relationship with my father yet I didn't end up a complete failure. My desire to make him happy drove me to succeed. But never making my parents proud has destroyed my self-esteem. I don't think I'll ever stop believing that I'm ugly and worthless, but am grateful that I have Resident Husby and friends that try to convince me otherwise.

So I will continue to work this job, and hold my head up high. Because if it is good enough for my father, then it's obviously better than me.

Existential Saturdays :: What If I Say I'm Not Like The Others?

2011-08-13T07:20:00.012-04:00

After a week of working my new job, I have decided to pretty much quit, despite the nice employees. Some thoughts.

-I'm in a very unenviable tax situation. I am considered a dependent and have no children. So I take ZERO deductions. What this means is that basically I donate most of my paycheck to the government. Like I was making $12/hr and so I'll probably only get to keep $8 of that. Also, I had to fight downtown gridlock traffic to get to my job out in the suburbs and it is not worth it.

-We saw Stone Temple Pilots on Wednesday. I'm a doctor's wife. I'm a law school graduate. I'm girly. I shouldn't be listening to this. But I most definitely probably got a residual high off the blunts being passed around at this concert. I was rocking out pretty hard!

My freebie. You know what I'm talking about.

-I could spend my time doing something useful, instead of working a bullshit job a trained ape could do. What could be more hopeless middle-management than having 1 supervisor per 2 employees? I might start volunteering at Legal Aid. I don't need the money that bad, and I don't have any debt.

I was told I'm too nice to be a lawyer.
But I'm a sarcastic + bitter person so it works out.

-BOTTOM LINE:

I could never be a suburban, mid-western housewife who dedicates her life to her husband and children. That's not for me. I want to live in the city, work for the man, and have existential breakdowns on a daily basis. Because to me, that's real.

Ten Things Thursday :: What's Different Now That I'm Employed

2011-08-11T19:34:00.000-04:00

I didn't think much would change once I got a job but things are really different now. Tomorrow will end my first week on the job and I am just surprised how much my little world has changed.

1. Lots of fuel being burned.

I live in the city, and work in the suburbs :(

2. Resident Husby is biking to work.

He's getting in better shape than me :(

3. I am dehydrated.

A new job = I don't want them to know I gotta pee all the time :(

4. I am getting much less sleep.

I go to bed after Resident Husby and wake up when he does :(

5. There's more food in the fridge.

I wake up early and overcompensate for the fact that I can't have dinner ready. So I cook more before 7am than some people do all week.

6. You can catch me speeding now. All the time.

Go fast, get there quicker!

7. I am less bitter towards those who have a job.

I'm in the ranks of the gainfully employed!

8. I have stopped looking for a job.

I need to keep looking though because I should always look out for myself.

9. I am appreciating this city more

I love talking to old-school Yinzers

10. I now don't hate being home.

I love my new town, but I hate my house. I hate it a bit less now that I am not stuck in it all day.

I really am indifferent to my coworkers who are actually pretty nice, and my boss has earned my respect by being so professional and friendly. I really hope I prove myself and the economy improves so that I can survive the 3 month "temp" period and be hired!

Monday Musings :: A Tale of Two Job Offers

2011-08-08T06:46:00.053-04:00

During my ongoing job search, I have been offered two opportunities. One was a three month temp-to-hire position, and another was a six month temp-to-hire position. I battled over which one to take. Both jobs were the same distance from my home, both were decently large & established companies, and both paid relatively the same per hour. One would guarantee my employment until at least February, the other one could leave me out to the wolves again by November.

That's me!

I consulted three sources on my decision. They are the three smartest people I know, who also always have my back. If you guessed Resident Husby you are right. I also sought advice from my MIL and indirectly from my former college roomate.

How (most) employment agencies treat you.

Resident Husby told me that with the first job, I could be "let go" by the time Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around, so I could apply for jobs during that time but still have a free schedule to celebrate the holidays. He also told me that either position could leave me hanging, but that having something on my resume would be better than having nothing. Alas, the gap on my resume is widening faster than America's waistlines (including mine). I feel ya, Cathy Comic, I really do.

Oh, it would be lovely to be a size 5 again.

My MIL always has my back. She is smart and shrewd. I love her logic. My MIL cared more about what each position entailed. She didn't want me to be stuck working somewhere boring and not challenging. She told me that if I took the first position, and they kick me out after three months, at least I would have learned a completely different and marketable skill. She told me the other position that guaranteed six months would only add to my previous experience, instead of giving me more training in something specialized. She advised that even after three months, even if I get fired, at least I have a whole new skill set that I can leverage into another, better position.

More helpful than my own mother.

The third person's wisdom I consulted was my college roommate. While I did not speak to her directly, I employed the What Would Former College Roomie Do? logic. My former roommate is always changing jobs until she is satisfied. Even when she is happily employed she is always looking for the next big thing. What is so wrong with that? These days, very few companies reward loyalty, so we should be on the lookout for ourselves. She has had at least half a dozen jobs in half as many years. She is married to a man in the military so she does have to move around a lot, much like I do. So she job hops/shops until she finds the right fit. She leverages her previous position to get her more pay and more responsibility at another position. Just as she gets settled in.....BAM! She's got a new job and better title with more pay somewhere else! I love her strategy and can learn so much from her!

I'm dedicating my first pay check to you, Former College Roomie.
But of course you won't be seeing any of it 'cause I'm broke.

Even if I end up unemployed again, I will 1) have a whole different skill set, 2) a shorter gap on my resume since moving to Pittsburgh, and 3) money. We shall see how my first day goes......

Ten Things Thursday :: Interviewing for a Job You Are Overqualified For

2011-08-04T07:19:00.181-04:00

Well, blogosphere, I did the impossible. I finally got a job! After three weeks of interviewing, no less than four employment agencies retained, I finally received two job offers. So those employment agencies did come through because they were the ones that got me those interviews. As for the agency that made me do a drug test? Yeah, I figured they'd be useless. I regret giving them my time, dignity, and social security number.

As I've been interviewing for positions that I am allegedly "overqualified" for, I have come up with a few interviewing tips based on my personal experience. I put overqualified in quotations because I truly believe that unless you have a good deal of experience doing that *exact* job, how can you be "overqualified" to do it?

1. Don't overdress
Yes, this is possible. Last spring I interviewed at a major retail outfitter in full business attire. The interviewer was dressed in khakis and a polo. He really didn't know what to do with me or my resume. Flash forward to the middle of the summer. I apply at the same retailer (with the same resume). I show up in a cardigan set and a black skirt. My interviewer was wearing tennis shoes and khakis. I was hired on the spot. Bottom line: it is possible to overdress for interviews.

This will only intimidate your
$8/hr retail boss.

2. Don't underdress
Wear what the CEO wears, right? I dress in business attire for office interviews, whether it is for a lawyer position or administrative assistant. I also wear business attire for interviews with employment agencies, even though you end up having to interview again with the *actual* employer. Per my previous post, going to an employment agency gets you judged, so dress to impress.

Reasonable attire for an office position.

3. Rearrange your resume
Lots of recent grads put their education first. This can throw off employers, especially when you are interviewing for positions that only require a high school diploma (the economy sucks, eh?). So put your EXPERIENCE first, and throw your EDUCATION down to the bottom of your resume.

4. You don't have to put everything on your resume
I have always worked two jobs. Every time I get an office job I also have a part-time retail job on the side. Listing my retail job when I'm applying for office positions would take up too much precious space--space where I could be talking about all my other more relevant experience.

But they make job opportunities.

5. Tailor your resume for your position
So when I turn around and apply for a retail position, I make sure I have a different, updated resume handy that highlights all my retail experience. They don't need to know that I worked at "Generic Big Law Firm" on there!

6. Don't admit weakness!
This seems obvious, right? Employers ask questions about what your weaknesses are. Don't be naive like me and answer honestly (I really did that a few years ago, admitting that I'm not good at delegating). Just go ahead and take the advice of theoatmeal.com and play it out so your biggest weakness is really a strength (I just work **too** hard on things to get the job done perfectly).

I do not advocate BS. But it is essential here.

7. Don't show any signs of excess
This is particularly easy for me because I don't really have anything nice. But I do have an anecdote of a friend of mine. She went to all her interviews in her Lexus SUV with a Louis Vuitton bag in tow, and she never got a job offer. Ever. I couldn't understand. She was a great person, brilliant (top of her class!) and extremely beautiful (yes, I am jealous and hate her sometimes). She finally found a place where everyone had a Lexus SUV and Louis Vuitton luggage and was hired on the spot. Le Big Law Firm appreciated this, but a non-profit or small business might not, and she definitely missed a lot of opportunities along the way.

8. Don't use big words
As an English major, I *shudder* at having to do this. But at my previous position, I crashed and burned many times because I used words like "piqued" and "arduous" and "copious." I naively believed everyone knew what those words meant, but my boss sure didn't. I'm confident that I would not have been hired if she had been the one to interview me. Just keep it really frickin' simple.

LMAO.

9. Get excited about your position
Admittedly, a lot of office jobs can be boring. They might be wondering what you, the "overqualified" candidate, could possibly want out of this position (other than rent and grocery money, of course). Case in point: I was applying for a job at a collections agency, and they seemed confused I'd want to do this because of all my legal experience. I was honest. I told them I loved the "hustle" of sales, which is really what collections is, selling the debtor on the idea of actually paying their debt. I told the interviewer that debt collections is what is keeping the economy from utter collapse. Needless to say, Mrs. F walked out of the interview with a job (rent and grocery money).

10. Make them feel lucky to have you
Because they are. It is a tough economy out there, and there are a lot of people applying for jobs where they exceed the minimum qualifications. Don't make them feel insecure because you are a flight risk. Convince them that you want to grow with their company. Because every employer wants an employee that wants to stay with them forever. Employers love controlling the beginning/end of that relationship, if you haven't noticed.

Hope this has helped. I know there are lots of people out there looking for a job, and I'm just sharing what worked for me.

But he did everything right!

Monday Musings :: Why Do People Judge the Unemployed?

2011-08-01T06:28:00.006-04:00

It has been three weeks since I started looking for employment here in Pittsburgh. I've been through this before. I move to a new city, I have to find a job. Last time, it took 6 weeks to find one. I'm hoping it won't take that long this time, because being an unemployed housewife is grating on my nerves (remember, I have no kids or pets, I'm not in school, and I'm not studying for any exam/certification).

Hard to find a job here.
Must channel Stephen Hawking intelligence.

Hopefully easier to find a job here.

The judgment has hit a new low. Because I am only going to be in Pittsburgh for a year, I have enlisted the help of a few employment agencies to speed things up. I've never done that before. Walking into an employment agency has to be like walking into the welfare office. Everyone that sees you going in judges you. Everyone at the agency judges you. I went to one place in particular and ended up having to take a drug test. I have never had to offer a urine sample outside a doctor's office setting. It is completely dehumanizing. This place wasn't sophisticated enough to do the cheek swab test, which is what Kroger did to resident husby way back in the day. I didn't even have to offer a sample at any retail outfitters I worked at. I don't use drugs, and I have nothing to hide, but the process of having to produce a urine sample just bothered me to no end. I am female so they could check for pregnancy. They could check for diabetes. My urine is my business.

LMAO

When the results of my "urine exam" came back, the lady said "Congratulations, you're drug free!" No duh you idiot. Did she expect me to breathe a sigh of relief? Like I said, I don't do drugs. It was hard for me not to roll my eyes at her trying to project excitement on me. Nothing like having to give up your dignity for jobs that pay $9/hr. She looked at my credentials. "You have a law degree? Did you have to go to school for that?" No, I didn't have to go to school for my law degree, they just handed it to me. "I went to college for four years, then law school for three years." To which she replied "Oh! You're so smart then! Cool!"

You have got to be kidding me. I guess I'm just resentful. I am interviewing at these places, going to these employment agencies, and they all seem to have one up on me. They have a job. And you know what I do? I judge them right back. I could do that receptionist's job. I can type faster than the secretary. I have more education and work experience than the recruiter/interviewer.

"Why did you move to Pitsburgh?" I tell them because of my husband's job. "What does he do?" And this is where I lie. Yes, blogosphere, my name is Mrs. F and I "lie" to my future employers. "Even I don't know what he does!" This response breaks the ice and the interviewers/recruiters respond well to that. And it's also sorta kinda true. If they knew my husband was a resident physician, they would judge me in a whole different way They would think I don't need a job. I guess they'd be technically correct because I won't starve if I don't work. But what my husband does, what my religion is, whether or not I have kids--these things will never be my employer's business.

So I implore you, dear readers, to shake your fingers at those who judge the unemployed. Tsk tsk. Some of us unemployed folk don't qualify for government benefits, and for that, you should be forever grateful.

Would be funnier if I could get unemployment.

Ten Things Thursday :: Why Doctors Wives Don't Work

2011-07-28T06:31:00.020-04:00

Well, at least why THIS doctor's wife isn't working.

1. I HAD TO MOVE

I had a job after graduating from law school, but it was in a different state than where my future husby was finishing medical school. I picked getting married over having a job. Yeah, I guess I set the Women's Rights movement back 10 zillion years.

2. I HAD TO MOVE AGAIN

Yeah, so residency ended up being somewhere different than where he went to medical school. This was great news and all, so I put in my two weeks, which I'm getting pretty good at.

3. I HAVE TO MOVE YET AGAIN

DH is one of the few souls that matched in two different cities/states for Intern Year vs. The Rest of Residency. Apparently, if you put a kid in a candy store (medical husby having his choice of programs) they won't make a healthy choice. I'm nice, so I politely declined a management position at a lovely small business because I was supposed to replace the retiring HR manager and I really didn't want to screw over a small business, especially when I KNOW I have to move. Again.

4. MY RESUME HAS MORE HOLES THAN SWISS CHEESE

And is less delicious. But it's because I have to move all the freakin' time. One employer referred to me as a "job-hopper" but when I explain that I've moved because of either school or my husband, the FemiNazi looked at me like I just sold out. It's the same type of women that think I'm an idiot for changing my last name. You don't make Gloria Steinem proud either, bitch.

5. WE CAN ONLY AFFORD ONE CAR

Reliable transportation is a pipe dream. Interviewing is easy, but it will get interesting when resident husby is on call. And I refuse to let my husby bike, because of drivers like me.

6. I MADE A POOR CAREER DECISION

I do understand very few people are in this situation, but I finished law school before resident husby graduated med school, so I had a year to kill. But we didn't know where we'd end up, so I put off taking the bar exam. Then we find out we're going to be moving yet again, and I am putting it off until WE MOVE TO WHERE WE'RE GOING TO BE FOR A WHILE so I can finally sit down and study.

7. THERE IS NO MAGIC CAREER NETWORK FOR DOCTORS WIVES

My husby works at a large, industrial/healthcare complex that I am certain violates anti-trust laws. But they don't have programs to help resident wives get jobs (but they did have a volunteer fair....you gotta be freakin' kidding me). So I moved to a city with basically no connections even though my husband works at the largest healthcare conglomerate in the State of Pennsylvania.

8. THE TAX CONSEQUENCES NEGATE ANY ADDITIONAL EARNED INCOME

Because we are married, I am a dependent, and can't find a job, husby is able to take out more deductions. With a working knowledge of tax deductions, I was able to figure that it is not that big of a contribution to our net wealth if I get a job that barely pays a living wage. The time spent away from home being miserable, along with gas expenditures and wear/tear on our only vehicle, do not make it worth it for me unless 1) job pays at least a living wage and 2) doesn't give me ulcers.

9. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD, THERE'S A RECESSION
This one is self-explanatory.

10. I REFUSE TO SETTLE
I'm sorry, but it will take more than $10/hr for me to get out of bed. Yes, I'm a lazy, spoiled bitch (that up until a few months ago worked TWO jobs). But see also item # 8 for my excuse.

Monday Musings :: One Year Anniversary

2011-07-25T16:44:00.006-04:00

It's our one year anniversary. Husby had to work late last night, so, drumroll please..........HUSBY IS OFF TODAY (unplanned, unexpected, and unbelievable). Seeing how this is the only time in our marriage where we'll both be off on this day, I'm not going to write much. I just snuck in this post while he takes a congratulatory call from his parents :) And I'm toasting with some ORANGINA :)

Deliciousness purchased @ Trader Joe's on Penn Ave
Has high fructose corn syrup though :(

Ten Things Thursday :: Residency Rocks!

2011-07-21T22:23:00.004-04:00

Not quite Monday Musings, but I'm sure Ten Things Thursday will be able to hold its own on my blog. To anyone who happens to be reading this, in the blogosphere out there, I hope it helps.

Today's Ten Things Thursday is about the positive side of residency. It is actually pretty terrible, but I do have a minute or two (or ten!) to reflect on some positive things about these past couple of months, both from my perspective and resident husby's perspective. Some of these items are a stretch, some make me sound shallow, and some for realsies make me think residency does, in fact, rock.

1. Resident husby gets a paycheck [for the first time in YEARS, holla!]

2. We got to move to a new city and state of our choosing [not my top choice, but his]

3. Resident husby is doing what he went to school for [unlike me!]

4. No forwarded spam/emails from annoying med students [yay for leaving that listserv!]

5. Program directors/coordinators are nice [I actually got to meet them unlike in med school]

6. FREE HEALTH INSURANCE!!!! [we were shelling out $200/month as a couple and NEVER used it]

7. Resident husby got a long white coat [instead of that short lil' coat from med school which looked awkward on his tall frame]

8. In PA, interns can write prescriptions [I just think prescription = epitome of doctorhood]

9. We got our vacation request and can go to our friend's wedding [trust me, nobody wanted that weekend off anyway]

10. By some sheer miracle, resident husby does not have to work on our first wedding anniversary [let's see if he remembers lol]

Monday Musings :: Why Is Thai Food So Delicious?

2011-07-18T18:25:00.012-04:00

I mean, seriously. Thai food is better than Chinese, Indian, or Ethiopian food. Thai food is probably hands down the best ethnic food, and I'm not even Thai. Thai food is healthier than Chinese food, richer than Indian food, and has a fresher taste than Ethiopian food. I know I'm generalizing, but I've never had a Thai dish (either at a restaurant or prepared by myself) that was less than amazing. The key ingredients are probably to blame.

Exhibit A: Thai Basil Leaf

This Thai Basil Leaf (not your Momma's basil!) is usually added once your dish is completed and you've removed it from heat. This is THE ingredient that is essential for Basil Fried Rice or Thai Basil Chicken, two staple dishes at any respectable Thai Restaurant. This ingredient can be found at most pan Asian grocery stores. I get mine at Lotus Food Co in Pittsburgh in the Strip District, $.99 for a bunch. I'm so glad I actually live in a big enough city where ingredients like Thai Basil are fresh, abundant, and reasonably priced!

Exhibit B: Thai Spicy Basil Chicken

Here's the link to the best recipe I could find http://www.food.com/recipe/basil-fried-rice-51560 (and you don't have to add green beans, I promise). And here's what's responsible for that great richness in your Thai curries (yellow curry is my favorite). Coconut milk is relatively inexpensive ($1.79 at Lotus Food Co).

Exhibit C: Coconut milk, any brand will do!

When made at home, yellow curry can be as spicy (or non-spicy) as you want it to be. I like mine chock full of potatoes (cheaper than meat). It is easy to prepare, especially because I use a curry paste ($2.79, and can be used for multiple [5-7] batches).

Exhibit D: Yellow curry paste

There's no way I could keep my kitchen stocked with all the spices necessary to create yellow curry, especially since I cook all types of cuisine. That's where the yellow curry paste becomes such a great shortcut. Add meat, potatoes, coconut milk and onion. Just cook your own white rice (I prefer Basmati).

Exhibit E: Yellow Curry (thaikitchen.info)

Didn't add the recipe here, because I recommend following the instructions on whichever yellow curry paste mix you end up getting. Just be careful, the units may be in grams, so you'll have to do some creative converting.

And props to the mom and pop store in Pittsburgh that made it all possible!

Exhibit F: Thank you, Lotus Food Co in PGH :)

Monday Musings :: Why Is Anthropologie So Expensive?

2011-07-11T08:00:00.006-04:00

Today's musing :: why is Anthropologie so damn expensive?

Like, seriously. I'm not poor, or at least that's what I tell myself so I don't cry every night. This past weekend my husby and I wandered in. Why would we do something so stupid? Well honestly I didn't think it was an expensive store. We were in one of those outdoor mall development thingys and it actually looked like something I could afford. Practically tattered Bohemian clothing. Hippy dippy customers. Things made in Asian sweatshops. Items that look vintage enough to have been purchased at a flea market.

Exhibit A

Come on, doesn't that stuff look at least a little bit inexpensive? Lovely, vintage, and accessible, right? Boy, was I wrong.

Exhibit B

How much do you think that dress should cost? I would guess $50 because dresses are usually expensive compared to other articles of clothing. You're going to have to fork over $138 for this Verdant Slip Dress. I let this one slide by because the dress is silk. Those silk worms work hard!

What about a basic cotton top? No buttons, just something comfy for the summer. Yeah, this store simply does not show mercy.

Exhibit C

Don't you just love floral patterns in the summer? This lovely top costs $68. Who can afford to shop here? A cookbook on Indian food for $50? No thanks, it didn't even have that many color photos. Okay, so I'm doing some serious hating on this store. I went on Wikipedia to see what was going on. Apparently their brand is "primarily marketed towards affluent, middle-aged professionals." Oh really, you don't say. Look what I saw on their homepage.

Exhibit D

This gorgeous model doesn't look affluent, middle-aged, or professional. Plus, if a woman was affluent, middle-aged, and a professional, wouldn't she want to look more put together and less Bohemian/Hipster/Hippie?

Bloggy Identity Crisis

2011-07-10T23:27:00.003-04:00

This blog thing is not as easy as it looks! I just accidentally deleted a previous entry about Residency vs. Medical School. Thank goodness I save things in Microsoft Word, so I'll republish it at a later date. There are so many templates to choose from! And fonts, colors, widgets, oh my! And I don't know HTML. So to anyone who happens to be reading this, out there in the blogosphere, bear with me as I find the best match for my blog.

Making the Most of Pennsylvania

2011-06-24T16:05:00.017-04:00

I am new to Pennsylvania! I will be here for a year while my husband completes his intern year. I am already falling in love with the place!

I have moved from my Southern, suburban life, to Northern life in the city. I've traded in square footage and convenience for diversity and opportunity. I am so glad that we will have one last fun, child-free year before we truly have to settle down for DH's residency in New England.

I had to give up my job and having my own bathroom, but I am already finding that 1) I'm enjoying not working and 2) my husband's shampoo [head + shoulders] smells great.

I've already met the other interns in my husband's program. They are mostly female, and already cliquish. The few guys in his program are super sweet, single, and will most definitely be invited over for a great home-cooked meal.

My goal is to make the most of Pennsylvania. To take advantage of as many free events as possible. To meet new people and learn from them. I would like to get back to my undergraduate weight of 115 lbs. I might go back to school or get some sort of certification this year, or even take the bar exam finally. I might look for a job. I might get a hobby. The goal is to leave PA in better shape and with some great life experiences. And definitely not unchanged.

Hello, Blogosphere!

2011-06-21T13:37:00.021-04:00

I'm new to blogging, but like everyone else who is, I just wanted to put my two cents out there. I am a relatively private person, so I don't go into too much detail on here. I have to protect myself, and also my husby, as he is in the medical field. I haven't even told my best friend about this new venture of mine.

I feel that I have a unique world view (weltanschauung if you know German) because of events that have shaped my life. I am, as my intro indicates, a law school graduate married to a medical school graduate. We are an interfaith and interracial couple. I wanted to make this an interracial couple blog, but we are so much more than that (as are all interracial couples). I will occasionally go back and discuss things in our past that shaped who we are today in future posts.

My one resounding ideal is that I will consider my blog a success if just one person reads it and can relate to something in it.