Insights & Bugbites

Portrait Retouching in Photoshop | (the) Jebbica

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 22:25:00 +0000

Portrait Retouching in Photoshop | (the) Jebbica

It's Finally Here!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 06:02:00 +0000

The Dot Com.

Now with more "The"

I will be deleting this blog soon. If you actually read this, will you please switch the urls in your feed readers and blogrolls to thejebbica.com? Would greatly appreciate it.

Blogging, Blogs, and Bloggers (and Blogbites)

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 19:24:00 +0000

Once upon a time, I would have liked nothing better in the world than to make a job out of blogging. To stay at home, and take all obnoxious people you meet, and turn them into characters that made people laugh, what could be better?

Well, somewhere along the way, I became a professional blogger. Meaning, I got to stay at home all the time. And at first, it was pretty kick ass. No morning commute. No getting ready. No worrying about that annoying coworker you don't like.

However, without those things, you lose just what it takes to be an interesting blogger. I mean, with nowhere to go, no one to talk to, what does one write about? Hi Internet; today I put on pants. Or how about Hey Internet, you would not believe this hottie at work. He's white--and no I'm not racist!-- and fuzzy, and he weighs about four pounds. And when he says "Arf!" it's like he's speaking directly into my soul.

Even the people you DO come across while blogging, it's not like you can really talk about them or poke fun of them in a blog. I mean, they live in your computer. It's what they do.

So, my personal blog has really suffered without the rednecks and Southern Baptists and pretentious artsy people who used to cross my path every day. Even so, Jebbica.com should be available again soon, and I am pursuing closing all the rinky dink blogs down and working there, so things will be the way I want them to be. After all, I'm going to Harvard on the Highway, aka redneck school in January; surely there will be an interesting character or two there, right?

Disposable

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 04:04:00 +0000

My biological father is coming from New Mexico to visit my sister and me this weekend. This will be the third time since I was seven or eight that I have seen him, since my stepdad adopted me. It's odd writing "stepdad", because he is and always will be my daddy, the one who was there through all my awkward years and who took care of my mom and sisters. It has been really difficult to even want to give the bio-dad, or Sperm Donor, as I called him for so many years, a chance. However, in an attempt to get to know my half brother, I decided to let my guard down and get to know this person.

It's only Monday, but I have already spent this weekend a wreck just thinking about seeing them again. I'm not sure the proper way to behave, to give someone a chance, the benefit of the doubt, someone who has an entirely different life that doesn't involve me, with a kid and a stepdaughter that he adopted, even though he discarded my sister and me seemingly so willingly. My first attempt to let him in resulted in him flying my sister out to New Mexico with no offer to me, because hey, he got to know me for three whole years, and he barely got to know her at all before he was out the door. And I TOTALLY remember the first three years of my life.

So, I invite him to our new house. I even write a friendly email. And his response was, well, I have a lot of family to see, and so I only have time for you on Saturday night. I've been away from my other kid for a year and I think we might be growing apart, so I thought this road trip might be good for us.

Excuse me, I wouldn't want your relationship with your other kid to suffer. And really, I don't. But, I feel like a piece of toilet paper that can just be thrown away. It's not exactly a great feeling.

So friends, anyone who is going through this sort of thing, I'm not sure I have any words of wisdom on how to get through it. Don't let anyone in. That's all I know. Because everytime you do, it ends badly. And that's definitely not the way to live. But a life without walls feels like a life destined for heartbreak.

We Make Our Own Change

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 05:20:00 +0000

Congrats to Barack Obama, who is our next President, in case you have been hiding under a rock. Or under Barack. In which case, how does he smell? I'm curious. I'm guessing like Aspen. Though, I'm guessing my new grandpa John McCain smells like Aspen, too.

We keep hearing about all this change that is going to be happening, for better or worse. Personally, I think we make our own change. The change I am embarking on for my life is my health. Try working for a pair of triathletes and not be self conscious! Today, I went to Hell-Mart and ran into someone I haven't seen in ages. "Wow, something's been really agreeing with you two!" he said about the Common-law and me. "I mean, you've put on about, hmm amount of weight, and he looks like he's put on about the same!" And this guy meant it as a compliment. I've always been a big proponent of loving yourself no matter what your size. But maybe it's the feeling crippled of any attractiveness that I had, thanks to the dumb decision I had to go blond,. Which led to me chopping all my hair off, and the inability of said hair to hold hair color so I can't just dye it back. But, I've never felt more unattractive in my life. And the possible weight gain isn't helping.

So, when one isn't happy for herself, it's time for a change.

We spent our monthly grocery budget today on healthy food. We, or at least I, am going back to the 4-5 meal a day plan, where we incorporate lots of small, healthy meals, rather than our one giant unhealthy meal at 10:00 p.m. I generally do better if I keep a food journal, so I am thinking about instead just talking about it here. I don't really have anyone who can be my support buddy, so if anyone wants to interact with this, she/he is more than welcome! I think I will post some recipes as well. Does anyone care to join? Hopefully for my sake, this is a change I can believe in.

More Dogs in Halloween Costumes

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 17:52:00 +0000

The costumes: Noory as Sergeant Pepper and Leo as The Jock. The second one is Indiana Jones, though they started fighting over which one got to be the true Indy.

Hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday.

Peanut Butter and Crackers

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 07:53:00 +0000

I did not think I would miss my G-pa as much as I do. He passed away on August 27, right as we were moving into our new apartment. It was so awful for him towards the end, and to be honest I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for not going to visit more often. I just couldn't, you know what I mean? Yes, I realize that's a cop-out and I shouldn't have been selfish and sucked it up for his sake. Maybe he would have gotten better.

Ever since he died (why are there not better words for that, and why is it so hard to write?), G-pa shows up in my thoughts or dreams everyday. People die all the time, so I should be used to it by now, right? But this feels different. He was always the snuggly kind of grandpa, the kind that passes for Santa Claus with a scratchy beard and a shiny bald head. He always called me "pun'kin eater", and I will forever love all thing pumpkin because of that. In my dreams, he's always the G-pa I grew up with...the jolly one, not the emaciated and pitiful one he was towards the end. I am a little girl again, and he is the old G-pa. We are sitting in the den, and he is making little sandwiches out of peanut butter and saltines that we share. I can smell the peanut butter, and I can feel the crumbs getting everywhere. We are cracking pecans, and I always get the bitter part stuck in my mouth. We are fussing over the TV rights, and as I'm watching Salute Your Shorts, he says, "you better really pay attention to that, because I'm gonna quiz you when it's over!"

I don't know why this is hitting me harder than it should. In general, I try to stay away from my family. Not because I don't like them, becuase I don't like conflict. G-pa and my daddy have always been delightful, but all of the women in my family have strong personalities, are stubborn, and very opinionated. We're not bad people, you just don't want us in close proximity of each other for any extended length of time. My family members who were around G-pa every day have the real right to be sad, because he was just that kind of special person. Who has ever even said an unkind word about him? I don't think anyone has, except maybe me, that one time when I was 11 and I called him a hypocrite and a liar. At the time, I got in trouble and made him a Tuna Helper apology dinner and that was that. But to this day I have never gotten over that and the way I made an ass out of myself.

So, what am I sad about, anyway? If there is such thing as a "better place", G-pa is there. And I am sad I won't have an eyerolling buddy at Christmastime. Pity me. But it's four in the morning, and I just can't bear to go to sleep and have another dream about peanut butter and crackers, and someone who isn't here to eat them with me.

Online Thieves and Gullible Shoppers

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 17:00:00 +0000

I loooovvvvee online shopping. And yet, I hate it. And maybe I'm a complete idiot because I rarely read the fine print, but somehow, I always wind up with odd charges on my debit card. Years ago, I busted my old bank account because a place called "**** Rewards" was taking money out of my account, unbeknownst to me, and so that made me bounce, which led to a whole bunch of fees that I could not pay.

Today, I have online banking, and watch my bank account like a hawk. If anything looks suspicious, I'm on the chat with my bank or calling them up on the phone. You want free business cards? Sure! But you better read the fine print, because if you don't uncheck one of the boxes, they're gonna charge you $19.99 for absolutely no reason.

Yesterday I found a charge on my account by another "***** Rewards". I'm assuming this is the same place as "**** Rewards", because after I and probably everyone else on earth reported them to the Better Business Bureau, they undoubtedly changed their name. I mean, what the eff kind of program calls itself a "rewards" program, and the only reward is they relieve you of that pesky money in your bank account?

So, is there a secure way to shop online? I don't know. What I do know is, read the fine print. Keep a close eye on your bank account. And there is no such thing as a free trial.

Out in the Country

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:49:00 +0000

I would just like to share a few nifty photos out of the 250 I took yesterday out on the common-law's grandmother's farm. Times like yesterday make me appreciate country living and how nice it can be just to notice all of the things I take for granted every day.

Can We Just Get It Over With Already!?

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:12:00 +0000

When I go in to vote, they take great measures to make sure what I have to say is a secret to everyone else, and so I don't feel like I should have to wear my red or blue on my sleeve. However, people are just so fanatical about their opinions, and if you disagree, well then you're a heretic and a neocon and a whole slew of words that sound hateful, but who the hell even knows what they mean?

I really have a problem with this "two Americas" thing. Sure, we're not all going to get along. But this is a free country. We should have the right to our own opinions without fear of getting ostracized by someone else. Whatever happened to, "hey, I disagree with you 100%. But that's your opinion, and you have a right to it." Now it's all about name-calling and hate speech. It's a nasty, cruel world.

I'm not sure if I will be glad when it's all over or not. I'm excited to see who wins because either way will be a first in our country's history. But what will happen next? Will the losing half accept it? I'm kind of doubting it. It's all a little frightening.

Whatever your side, your opinion, though, just make sure you vote. People have gone through great lengths to get women to vote, and your thoughts count too, right? One vote seems so small in the grand scheme of things, but to you, it's your right to gripe, to stand up and say hey! I was a part of this! Make history. I'll be there on November 4th. But after that, I might be under the covers until 2012.

People Who Dress Up Their Dogs are Cruel

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 16:44:00 +0000

I know.

I'm a bad mother.

Staying the Course

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 15:59:00 +0000

As much as I loved the animals and my managers at the pet store, in the end, it just wasn't for me. I was ready to take a different path in life, get out of the house and go work a "real job", but making minimum wage, working off the clock, and driving an hour each way...it just wasn't worth the gas to drive back and forth. So, I thought, hmm. I've already become disenchanted with the service and retail industries, so what could a person with no degree do while trying to get back into school?

I had it narrowed down into two occupations: receptionist, and librarian.

It's not that I don't want to blog anymore; I do, it's just...one has a tendency to let herself go, when she has no reason to get all dressed up to go to work everyday.

So, I went on a couple of interviews for receptionist jobs, and it has been a really long time since I've had to be socially outgoing in person. Naturally, I didn't do too well. I got offered a chance at being someone's personal assistant and thought, hey, I could do that! It will be just like The Nanny Diaries! Oh wait.... ("Earmuffs?!")

I bombed the telephone interview (stupid introvert personality always getting in the way of things!). However, they needed some help boosting their medical practice and name on the internet, and who could do that better than me? So, I got the job! A real, bona fide, 40 hours a week-paid per hour internet job, that will allow me to work from home, still blog for Gravy, and go back to school. And since I'm going to school for web and graphic design, could I have asked for a better opportunity? Doubtful!

So, I'm staying the course. And I think this time, I know where I'm headed.

Baptists and the Service Industry

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 15:09:00 +0000

*From the archive, written while waiting tables on October 17, 2005.

Baptists are the new Pharisees.

Baptists. If you are one, I'm sorry; I don't mean to offend. But, with the exception of the teeny tiny old people Baptist churches, I am finished with them forever. Yesterday morning I went to this GINORMOUS Baptist church in Chickamauga, Oakwood Baptist Church. I knew it was big and had heard a lot about it, so I decided to go. I arrived a little late, just in time to hear the preaching, and I had to sit in the balcony because it was so packed. There were giant flat-screen TVs everywhere, high-tech computers, snazzy musical instruments, the whole nine yards (or was it 100 yards, because they had a football field at the front of the pulpit?!!). And the man preaching was preaching a sermon about, you guessed it, how much Jesus talked about giving and money. He said for everyone to take out his/her wallet ("Students too!") and give to the church. And for how much was he asking? FOUR FREAKING MILLION DOLLARS!!!! And that, my friends, is when I left the balcony and walked out. I don't like being disrespectful in churches, even though I usually find something ridiculous about the sermons or something, but that was just wrong to me. If they really wanted to follow God's word or whatever (and I don't mean this from a Christian or non-Christian standpoint; I mean this objectively), and they wanted to obey the laws of being generous, why did they have all of that STUFF...they could have used that money to do missions work, help truly needy people, etc.

But my run-ins with horrible Baptists did not end that day. Being the horrible pagan that I am, I still had to go to work on Sunday night. Around the time where we usually get sort-of dead business-wise in the night at Pizza Hut, a man came in and said he needed a table for 17 people. I didn't mind that; I like any chance to make tips really. But, as soon as they started piling in, I recognized their grubby faces for what they really were.

"Um, what church are y'all from?" I politely asked.

"Welcome Hill Baptist."

I knew then, that gratuity would have to be added, or I'd end up with jack again. I don't know if people know this or not...funny thing about servers is, we bust our tails for you. We move tables together for you. We take your orders and your drinks (and if you're me, you don't mess them up either), we give you refills, we kiss your butt and wait on you hand and foot and try to get you the best deals. And when you leave, we clean up your mess. But the thing is, we don't do that for free. Slavery ended in 1865! Some of us have to pay for college, children, etc. But church people have a way of thinking I'm their cotton picker or something. So I gave them a nice deal, and politely put the gratuity on their ticket with a nice heart and a smiley face. I would think a table like that should leave no less than $20, and the gratuity was only $17.50, so I thought they were getting off easy, seeing as that's about one dollar per person. Well. They had a FIT over it! They started being even RUDER, saying things like, "Well, for seventeen dollars, she BETTER be doing blah blah blah!" And I wasn't being lazy, believe me. I was busting my TAIL for them! They started throwing pudding in the carpet and just making a giant mess. Um, I don't know, but did they think they could leave me $2 and it would be okay? I don't care what religion you are. There is no excuse for hatefulness and disrespect for your average fellow man. They did leave one extra tip, a flyer for some redemption fair, saying I was going to Hell. Well. I guess, since I won't be giving it to Oakwood Baptist, I'll be taking my $17 to Hell with me.

Overhaul

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:09:00 +0000

This blog needs a definite facelift. Over the next few weeks I am going to go through here and delete all of the junk, post some of my favorite blogs over the past few years, and get back to my roots. We might even get to see their natural color!

Hang in there,

Jebbs

Dear Horatio Alger:

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:43:00 +0000

Hello. Thank you for your email. I got it last night and started reading it and happened to say out loud, "Wow, this person really hates you!" I got about a paragraph into your letter before the subject-in-question snatched the computer away and started reading it. Then he said, "come on, let's go to bed and you can read this on your own time."

This morning, he tells me he had to get on my computer to find out a guy's info about a dog we're trying to sell and that he "accidentally" deleted your email. From the trash, also. So, I know you put a lot of time into your letter and I'm curious as to what you had to say. I didn't know how to reach you any other way except you said you had read my blog, so here I am posting this for the world (or the 6 people who read this blog) to see. Please email me again or resend your email; I will make sure it gets read by me this time! I'm really sorry about that, but I have a feeling that this whole thing just proves your point, from what I DID get to read!

Best,

Jessica

New Chapter

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 03:55:00 +0000

It seems it's a new chapter in the book of Jeb. So much has changed in the last month and so much is bound to happen as a result.

I bleached/dyed my hair blond and cut it all off. That was the beginning.
I got glasses.
I moved. I went from the ghetto to the country, with a nice quiet space that feels like it's really mine.
My grandfather passed away. My sweet, most favorite relative, who practically raised me.
I am no longer working for Hollywood Crap or anywhere except Gravy and Biscuits. So either I'm going to chug along gung ho on Gravy for awhile or make another attempt at a "real job". I don't know.

I'm not sure what is going to happen over the next couple of months. It could be terrifying. It could be wonderful. But I look forward to the possibilities.

A Look at Human Nature, in Emails

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 14:43:00 +0000

Here is a look at some of the emails I received this week:

1.) Why are people so stupid?

WATz UR PROBL3M!!!! IM TAWKIN BOUT UR STORY ON MIL3Y CYRUS' N NICK JONAS' S3X TAP3, WHO 3XACTLY IZ UR SORC3 N "L3T KIDz B KIDz"!!!! R U NUTz!!!!
I SORTA KNO MIL3Y N NICK P3RSONALY
MIL3Y: MY UNCLEz ST3P BROTH3Rz N3IC3 WR0T3 TH3 SOUND CH3CK OF BOTH OF H3R ALBUMz N SL3PT OV3R A COUPL3 OF TIM3z
NICK:MY DADz FRIEND Iz TH3R3 BODY GUARD N H3 W3NT ON TOUR WITH TH3M
NOW I DONT THINK SH3z A SLUT 3ITH3R BUT MY F33LINGz CHANG3D W3N I H3ARD ABOUT THIS!!!
JUST 2 L3T U KNO IM CALLING MIL3Y RIGHT NOW TA G3T TH3 R3AL STORY. N ID LIK3 2 KNO HOW U SAW IT? ...
I L3FT H3R A M3SSAG3 CUz SH3 WUz @ A CHARITY 3V3NT
BUT IM CALLING JO3 CUZ I KNO H3 K33Pz HIS PHON3 ON BUT
PLZ WRIT3 BACK

Um, did I somehow miss the memo where all "E"s were replaced with "3"s? What is the tech spelling of "illiterate"?

Oh, and $T0P $CR3@M!NG @T M3 U R0B0T!!!!

2.) Why are smart people so pretentious?

How can I miss you when we have never met? I wish we lived closer. If I actually believed in such a thing being possible, I would say we were linked in an immaterial way. I really believe that being around people that are better than you, intellectually or artistically or whatever, makes you a better person. Not to sound like a complete ass (when was the last time *you* respected anyone, anyway?) but I don't get much opportunity to be in that position..

Bunch of leeches around me, syphoning off my personality and ideas. It's hard to grow as a person when everyone around you is doing that... ugh. So, I miss you. I miss you Jessica, with Shakespearean magnitude not found by the common pleb. I miss you.

Had a rough week. :-) Hope your world is better.

Aww, that one would almost be sweet if it wasn't trying so hard. And how are you going to try to sound so impressive and then misspell siphoning and plebe? Just askin'.

3.) Why are foreign "friends" always trying to sell me something?

Hi Jebbica... This is Jeff, I think you are confused. Well I got your profile from Digg. com.. where I also the cool customer of Digg and this http://digg. com/users/13above is my profile on Digg. Now I have something to say it's quite interesting you know ...Well at first I would say that am popular in myspace just for a one software which I usual use. It is Hellofriendz.. look for (www. hellofriendz. com)this url for more information but in short I like to say that it a type of myspace plays increaser software in which you'll get free 10000 hits without installing the software .... So it's quite ineresting but quite efficient and can make you popular in just one night... So what do you think please reply me I'll waiting for you ... Thanks and take care...

Hi Jeff, I really love it when someone introduces themselves by telling me I am confused. Did I really give it away that easily? I thought I had the whole "Yeah I know who the hell you are" look SOLD! Oh well. I'm not buying anything.

4.) Why are people so bitchy?

*This isn't really an email, but I have been getting nasty letters every day for the past month. From the Evil Landlady Demon. She won't talk to me. Won't even come onto my floor to deliver the letter! She just stands on the second floor, reaches up to the third floor and throws the letter and hopes I get it. Because, you know. I'm SOOOO dangerous. I might cut a bitch.

5.) Why are people so awesome?

I have lots of emails to prove this point, but since I actually like these people, I should probably protect their privacy so they'll keep liking me. Because if they stop liking me, I'm going to have to befriend Person #1.

Convenient

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:33:00 +0000

*Using my personal blog as an opportunity to vent.

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships and whatnot. The Common-Law and I have been together seriously for over three years now, and if there were ever two peas in a pod, you'd think we were it. We laugh at all the same things and get along great. We're together 24/7 and we're still not sick of each other. We've been through really scary shit together.

However, no matter how in love you fall with someone, does it ever get to a point where it just gets convenient to stay together?

Most of you know about his sickness, and how much of a crazy wreck/bitch I was last year while he spent over six months in the hospital and then the subsequent recovery. Since then, things just haven't been the same. We are no longer the romantic couple we once were. We've had almost one sexual encounter in 18 months, and we rarely kiss. This is the person I love, the person I want to be with, and yet it seems nothing I do will make him see me in that light. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But, I'm also a very passionate person, someone who just wants to love someone and be loved. Eventually, there just comes a point where you just want to quit whining about it and do something about it. Leave? That would be crazy...wouldn't it?

I mean, who else do I know that fits me as well? And young worldly females seem so...promiscuous to me. I want to be a young woman of the world, but part of me is still old-fashioned. A hopeless romantic. But at this point, if all relationships wind up like this, where the guy would rather play video games than get a job or pay you two minutes of attention, what's the point? Why not just be single?

Without each other at this point, though, we're both screwed. Neither of us make enough money to cover the bills. He needs someone to drive him around. I need someone to take out the garbage and handle green mystery items in the fridge and start a conversation with new people. Convenient. We're companions.

Breaking up sucks. A lot. Whenever I do finally get sick enough of the video gaming and say adieu, the other party always acts like he's devastated, so surprised and never saw it coming. And then there's the divisions of all the stuff. And I've never done it after living with someone...we share everything. I just can't imagine it! I don't want to do it. But, I'm sick of going out alone, and complete strangers giving me more attention than the person I love. Strangers wishing I were single. And brief moments wishing I were, too.

I Used to Work for this Guy

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:51:00 +0000

...and to this date, of all the people I've never met, he's still one of my favorites.

Caution: this is quite NSFW, and you might want to shower afterward.

The Next Chapter

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sun, 04 May 2008 16:10:00 +0000

Wednesday was my last day at Backseat Cuddler, and tomorrow I begin working for two new websites. I've been holding off on the names because there were four potential places I could have been going, and I had to give myself a long hard lecture about how I couldn't go do all of them, despite thinking I'm Super Woman and could handle doing them all. The truth is, I would have been dead and hairless by the end of the week.

In all honesty, with the jobs I've taken, I get to have more ME time. And by me, I mean more time for Gravy and Biscuits. I just can't decide what exactly I want to blog about, but as I try more new things like having the name "Jessica P. Wallin: Homeowner", or being a mommy to a dog so spoiled he won't eat unless I spritz his food with water from a spray bottle, I realize how much I need blogging, how this is something I actually can do. I've kept a journal for the biggest part of my life, and my favorite thing about writing for newspapers since sixth grade was making people laugh. With blogging I can have the best of both, but at a more expansive and quicker pace. There are some days I feel like if I have to get on this dreaded computer again and miss out on the sunshine, I'll die, but that's called having a job. The good part about Gravy is, I can write whatever the hell I want to. I think I'll stick with mostly celebs for now though, just because that's what's been embedded into my brain for the past seven months. It's called the Heidi Montag implant. And you thought those were just bra fillers!

The pro to working for other people is you can still...you know, eat and make rent while focusing on your own path. Because, contrary to my belief, people just aren't that interested in hearing about my period. But you wait. One of these days, menstrual blogs are going to be all the rage! Amy Winehouse's tampon told me so.

So, tomorrow I start at these sites:

Gabby Babble
Hollywood Crap

Hollywood Crap is a new site, started around the same time as Gravy, but it's run by the girl who owns Bitten and Bound, so I think it will do well and will be a great opportunity for me to learn how things work even more from the inside. Thanks to certain advertisers (ahem, BlogHer), you aren't allowed to say words like "slut" and "whore" or "bimbo"...which will take getting used to! Me on the phone: "But, can you still say 'douchebag'? Because if I can't say 'douchebag', I got nothin'!" I suppose I'll have to learn to be more subtle in my meanness. And that will take adjustments.

So here's to the next chapter in my better-than-last-year year. Hopefully within the next couple of months I will be settling in nicely into my new home and be working comfortably towards doing what I've always wanted to do, which is be a writer. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but I also didn't think I would be going to college at Wikipedia and Google University. At least I've managed to utilize the internet to my advantage, especially with all the time-wasters that are available! I could be adding apps to my MySpace.

House Hunting, Part 47

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 02:35:00 +0000

After days of searching and being disappointed, we finally found a great house at a great price. This one is in Lafayette, but at this point Lafayette isn't sounding so bad. It's 4 bedrooms, plus an extra room for a study, with a nice kitchen, great closet space, and a giant living room. You can check out a virtual tour here.

Whoever had the house before already started putting hardwood floors in, and so there's not much to be done by way of that. Just a few more boards in the Master Bedroom and the carpet needs to be ripped out and replaced with hardwoods in the living room. And it really is a steal at $63K, but Nathan's mom seems to think they need to give it to her for $40K. If they do that, more power to her, but I think it's great as is! I'm getting excited and am ready to move. I've already decorated the living room, my study, and the master bedroom in my head. Living with Nathan's mom would probably have its disadvantages, but the way the house is set up I think we'll be able to tolerate it without killing each other!

Hey, it's a means to an end, and it's a better situation than we're in now. I just hope nothing goes wrong! It's in a great location, doesn't need much work, and it's cheap. What more could you ask for?

Leave it to me to get ahead of myself...not only have I already decorated and bought all of the furniture, paint, and accessories in my head, but I have also already toyed around with what kind of prints I want to hang in the rooms. I've been looking at making things feng shui...I kind of think the philosophy of it is a bunch of nonsense, but it looks pretty! Anyway, I basically am hoping the furniture will all be black or glass, which is good because that's what a lot of our stuff is already. And I want black picture frames with white mats and prints that match the walls. Boring you yet? I'm just kind of thinking out loud. Anyway, here are some of the prints I've made...most of them are original, and some are variations of others I just changed the colors around to match. I like deep red for the living room, eggplant for my office, and dark teal for the master bedroom. Thoughts? Doesn't matter, just a girl with a dream right now! :)

PS: The $19,000 house? Turned out to be the "Cat Shit House". So that was the end of that.

For P

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 17:22:00 +0000

You probably won't read this, but I'm putting this here because I wish I knew something to say to you that would be fitting, something heartfelt, original, and would let you know how much I cared about you and what you're going through. And, every time I try to write you about it, I get all jumbly or generic or I just don't know what to say. And really, what DO you say? No one should have to go through what you're going through. A couple of weeks ago, when you introduced your son Eric to us on your blog, I watched him play his guitar and I was in awe. I added him as my MySpace friend in hopes to hear more from him.

Now he is gone. And you are no doubt a wreck. And I hurt so badly for you. How, can I feel so badly for someone I have never met in person? And yet, I do. You have become my favorite professional celebrity smartass, and you're the reason I even considered doing it for a job in the first place. I thought, hey, maybe I'll be like the Dirty D! But, I'm not half as funny as you are. Still, you're my inspiration, and you've given me some good advice over the past few months. I hope you know how awesome I think you are. And yet, I just don't have the right words for you. Just know that for what it's worth, I'm really sorry. No parent should have to go what you are going through. And everything I try to say to you sounds lame. Nothing will change what happened, and I wish I knew what would fix it. But, this isn't really one of those Ben & Jerry moments, is it? I love you.

Jessica

Pulling an All-Nighter for Apartment Inspection...Hopefully It's my Last One!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 08:28:00 +0000

This apartment sucks. So. Much. There's no room for a kitchen table, no dogs are allowed, and there's not enough room to piss in, pardon my French. I'm tired and I have to stay up a couple of more hours so we can cart the dog off during inspection. Mary (the landlady) knows we have a dog, but we don't like to push the issue, especially when she's giving me a grade for living here.

Monday we drove to St. Elmo and looked at houses. There are a ton for sale in the "historic district," and they're all really cheap! The neighborhood used to be super-ghetto but now it's getting really nice. I fell in love with a four-bedroom house there with an upstairs apartment...it's so nice! It was built in 1942 and was owned by BB King, but it's been completely redone.

I don't know how we could ever put a down payment on this house, but we could definitely swing the monthly payment. We've already made friends with 2 of the neighbors, something we've never really been able to do here. And they love dogs!

Okay, I know I'm not making any sense. I'm tired. I'm in love with that house. It's away from Lafayette, but not too far away. It's literally one minute from my bank and two minutes from downtown Chattanooga. I would have the freedom to paint the walls if I wanted to. That's a luxury most people take for granted, but I would kiss that house goodnight every night if I got it! I know, this is nuts. Yawn. Goodnight!

Hopefully this will be my last quarterly inspection at Carriage Hills. My lease will be up in a month or so!

(Click on the pics to see 'em bigger)

WOW!

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:04:00 +0000

Do you remember when I told you all about Alexa.com, and how it ranks your website in order of traffic and whatnot, so Google is like #1 and has the most traffic, and the lower your number is, the better? Well, if you don't, ::Sob::.

Well, Backseat Cuddler's Alexa Ranking when I started working there was 244,000. Now, it's 46,000! Generally, if you break into the top 100,000 of all websites, you're golden. 75K is nice, but 50K...wow! I didn't think we would ever make it! So sad I probably won't be there when it gets to 25K, but wow Backseat Cuddler yippee!!

Stinky and Kinky: WTF was I thinking!!??

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica P. Wallin) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:08:00 +0000

My hair will not hold a curl for anything. I've tried rollers, curling irons, six gallons of hair spray, and nothing works.

So, I got it in my head that I should get some kind of perm put in my hair. I haven't had one since high school, and I did some research and read all this stuff about how different perms were now. How you could get them now that make you look like you just curled your hair with a curling iron and it wouldn't look like you stuck your finger in a light socket, which is how my childhood perms always looked.

So, I told the stylists what I wanted, and I told them a million times that I didn't want to look like a poodle, and they PROMISED me I wouldn't look like a poodle.

I look like a freakin' poodle.

When I left, my hair was sprayed and teased in true Southern style, and it was so big that Nathan had to sit in the back seat and I had to roll the windows down on the way home because that's how much room it took up.

And I smell bad, too. Stinky and kinky, that's my new nickname. I wanted to like it because the girls were so funny and nice and we kept laughing back and forth about how their instructor ate babies for breakfast and she was the devil, but all the way home I couldn't stop screaming "I HAAAAATTTTTEEEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!"

Lesson learned. No more perms.