7DayBuzz has a rule that resounds in its name - they will update every day, if not more!!! That’s more than I can say about my own blog, unfortunately. And did I mention the diversity of content already? There’s something for everybody. Here’s some takes on the more interesting posts that they’ve had recently.

Vaccinations: What To Do (or Not Do) - We all acknowledge Vaccination as something we do as a given. But some say that vaccines can cause autism, aspergers, and other disabilities and anomalies. The official recommendation is that children are to receive more than 2 dozen vaccinations, and then there’s the question of what side effects it may have! Read for yourself, and pitch an opinion.

Is America Ready for a Black President? - Let’s say you’re a democrat who supports Clinton (not Bill), and Obama (the potential Black President) wins the nomination for the Presidential Election. Would you rather vote for John McCain to prevent a black man from becoming the US president? Sounds crazy eh? Well, at least by Canadian standards, this is complete bigotry and would not be tolerated in many places, but hey, we never had slavery - USA did, and apparently, some people feel that way! They’d rather vote for a Republican candidate in order to stop a black man from becoming president. Get the scoop!

The Messiah’s Disciples and Their Behavior Towards One Another (MATT 18:1-35) - Redefine a “child” through biblical teachings and meanings. I hear many of you saying “well I’m not religious so…” Here’s the thing about the Bible, the Koran, and other scriptures - even if you are not religious, there’s things in the scripture that can be used as universal learning material, not to mention give you a good education in anthropology and culture.

Yes, as you can see, the diversity of posts are astonishing, and it’s one of those places where you can hang out, chat, sometimes get into a heated debate/argument over politics, and have fun.

I don’t give a fuck if you just took a nap, or if you are sleepy at the moment and are about to take a nap, or if you just had sushi, or if you just went shopping, or if you just fucked my sister (which i don’t have, conveniently enough). I don’t give a fuck if you just went for a nice drive (maybe I’ll care if you say you bought a brand new Mercedez or something like that), I don’t give a fuck if you just came back from a day of skiing.

Unless you can keep your twittering to valid and interesting information (such as “just saw the newest edition of the iPhone - check it out!”), please shut the fuck up cause I don’t care about the smallest details of your lives.

What’s next? “I just sat down in my toilet.” -> “I just took a big dump and it stinks.” -> “I ran out of toilet paper.”

Well I won’t be the one there to give you a fresh roll of toilet paper, I’ll just hope that out of the scramble and panic you’ll drop your fucking iPhone in the toilet so that you can’t twitter anymore.

John Chow used to be against macs - he said to me, when I first got my Macbook Pro, “Should have gotten a PC!!!” but recently he got a Macbook Pro (same as mine!) and is loving it. Now he’s finally done it - he got the iPhone the first moment Rogers started releasing limited editions.

Check out John Chow’s review of the Rogers iPhone here. Yes, Canadians no longer have to jailbreak and unlock US editions of the iPhones anymore. What relief!

That being said, the corporate world does give you some valuable insights into business, finance, and human relations, and I would still go through it again if I had to do it over again (although just after a year, I hated it so much I quit without a back-up job). For young people who want to become independent business owners and entrepreneurs, yet do not have the funds or the ideas to start upon, I would actually recommend going through a corporate job for the experience of it. Learn what you can get, and then leave.

My specific job function was a call centre agent, and for the most part I worked in the business/corporate account department. I was the asshole on the other side when you call 611 and then press 0 on your cell phones. And then I would go onto explain why that extra charge IS a valid charge and you still have to pay it, or give you some lame excuse to why we’ve raised the System Access/911 Fee on your cell phone bills. Now out of my defense, I was one of the best agents for troubleshooting phone problems, billing errors, and also troubleshooting our own customer management systems that we used to handle inquiries.

This job obviously involved plenty of conversation with customers, as well as interaction with colleagues as well as obliging to corporate standards and guidelines. It was interesting and educational while it lasted.

1. Memorizing your workflow or training is not always the best thing.

   Memorization of cell phone plans, billing details, pricing etc. was discouraged at Bell. Of course, there are some items that you memorize after a while (price of Caller ID etc.) but the truth is that the pricing for those items, the conditions etc. can differ from many different account types, and trying to memorize this all during the training course was a ridiculous goal, not to mention unnecessary. The truth about these plan details and what not is that they tend to change from time to time as well. We had an internal knowledge-base system similar to Wikipedia, with all current and past details of different products and services that we were encouraged to refer to. This may increase each call time by a small amount, but it drastically reduced training time as well as margin of error on account handling.

   The same applies to my current profession as a design & marketing guy, who constantly works with PHP code. It’s a given that I probably have tonnes of PHP commands and syntaxes memorized, but I don’t try to memorize it. All I need is to be aware of what is possible, and when the time comes to use it, I look it up on the PHP official website to verify, or look it up on Google for application examples. Some people that know how much I code may assume I memorize most of my functions but that’s far from true.

2. Rules ARE bendable depending on your people skills.

   In my work environment there were always disputes about pricing, contract extensions and what not. As much as there are corporate guidelines on the eligibility for perks and discounts for certain clients (based on length of business, length of contract, average monthly revenue and past promotion records etc.), there’s always a margin to it.

   Some clients would call in all ready for an argument and complaints - some people just seem to have an issue with corporations overall, and preserve that left-wing attitude that makes them view corporations as the “enemy” or something of the sort. When these guys call in and start an argument from the beginning, there was no way I would budge and give a discount, or make a one-time adjustment. I would hold my ground and did not give a shit if it escalated to one of those “supervisor” calls (and they’re not always the actual supervisors - just more experienced agents specializing in escalations).

   On the other hand, if a person calls in with a happy jolly tone, the last thing I feel like saying is “Sorry ma’am, that is a valid charge as per your service agreement.” or “That offer is no longer available on your account.” To avoid any potential arguments, and to keep the conversation civil, I would just let it go and turn a blind eye. Besides, the management is not capable of checking all the discounts and adjustments made, so small amounts could just fly. It was simply the margin of error that the corporation had in mind anyways.

3. Sales pitches, and mirroring personalities

   Even in the customer service center which is set up to wait for inbound calls, we had a fair bit of sales quotas to meet. For example, when a person calls in, and we notice they are using some text messages but does not have a text messaging bundle, we can offer it and try to get him/her to add it to the account. These are small sales in amount but sales nonetheless, and throughout my career I became better and better at naturally spotting the clients’ needs, offering the right product in the right tone of voice, and getting the sale.

   What also helps is to always mirror the personality of the person you are trying to sell. If it’s a rowdy businessman calling in with some ego, your tone of voice would match, and the choices of words as well (”You got that right sir!!!” in a up-beat tone, kind of sucking up would do the trick). If it’s an older female who is about to stick a golf club up your bum if you say one wrong thing, you want to keep things very fine-tuned (”Yes, that is correct ma’am.” in a polite tone would be suitable). There are many different archetypes of people based on personality, age, ethnicity and what not, and over time I obtained some natural feel on how to respond to different people. And this is a continuous learning process for me - to keep learning and polishing my skills for sales.

And then a banner caught my attention - it started with “Win a free lease and..” or something like that. I waited for the banner to keep scrolling, and here’s what I saw:

Yes, you can win a TV.. and not just a regular TV, you can win a COLOUR TV!!! And even better, it’s spelt “colour” with the extra U, the French (or the original) way to spell it, in accordance to the spirit of Montreal. The last time I saw a colour TV was about 4 hours ago… it seems like yesterday however. Wait, it was yesterday, since it’s 2AM as I’m writing this. Those things are so rare these days, that I had to venture all the way out to my own living room to spot one.

Honestly, we live in an era where a Black & White TV would probably sell for more than most colour TVs due to its antique factor, as a collector item. I can’t believe somebody actually decided “we should specify that it is a color TV, in case somebody thinks we’re giving away a B/W tv set.”

So. Anybody want a fancy dancy colour TV? Go to the 515 Ste. Catherine rental website and check it out! It’s a chance of your lifetime.

Blu-Ray currently has over 80% of the market share, and more retailers as well as movie producers are choosing the Blu-Ray format over HD DVD format for a variety of reasons.

This review, however, did not trigger a decline in Toshiba shares, but rather, an incline, as it is viewed as a wise move to cut losses. Admitting defeat is also a very admirable trait, I suppose, and Toshiba shares went up, and the rating by Nikko citigroup for Toshiba shares went from “neutral” to “buy”. This is a rather interesting movement on the stock front, a somewhat unconventional one (although maybe it seems that way because I’m not an expert in stock trading).

Full News Story on HD DVD’s potential defeat to Blu-Ray

• Internet Explorer 7
• Internet Explorer 6
• Firefox 2
• Safari

Of course there are other rogue browsers that are rarely used, like Camino, Netscape, and some other nameless ones that most people do not know about, but the above 4 are the most frequently used browsers in the world right now.

Among all of them, Internet Explorer has, perhaps, the worst parsing and display system. It has problems with displaying PNGs (alpha layers will show as a weird light blue) while the CSS parsing as well as certain Javascript command handling are limited. Also the security vulnerabilities are not very nice either. Oh, did I mention, IE6 is the only one among the above list that does NOT support tabbed browsing? That means that if you wanted to have multiple web pages open while you navigate the World Wide Web, you need multiple windows open.

Many people still use IE6 because they are simply unaware of what is available to them - either switch to Firefox, or use Internet Explorer 7. Compared to IE6, the two browsers I recommend have far better parsing, security, and usability, with less errors.

Now let’s think about this from the industry perspective. Web development becomes more time consuming if IE6 compatibility is demanded, and that means higher production costs for websites, as well as bigger headaches for web developers like myself. The faster IE6 is phased out of common use, the more efficient our industry will be as a whole. Money will be saved, and time as well.

In an effort to convert more people to use Firefox or Internet Explorer 7, I have put a little addition on my company website for Synchronous Design & Marketing (www.synchronous.ca). If the website detects that it is opened by IE6 (or God forbid, lower than that), it will show a black box in the top space which is normally blank, and ask people to upgrade their browsers, since the one they have are outdated. Check out the following screenshot.

Out of all the places I could have ended up in, I ended up pulling into a bus stop. It was on Robson Street, however, so with the help of some drunk passer-bys, I managed to roll the vehicle back into a smaller street and parked it.

At 2:23, I called a tow truck through BCAA (I have a BCAA plus membership), and at that point the lady told me 40 minutes or so. I was on the phone with somebody for a while, and after 40 minutes I phoned again to check. She said she located the driver a few kilometres away, and that he should be arriving soon. Another half an hour passed so I called to check again, a bit irritated. I’m supposed to show the BCAA guy my membership card to get it towed to my mechanic so I couldn’t quite abandon my car, so I had to stay, and I was getting sleepy.

She told me that the tow truck itself had mechanical problems, and the driver is trying to sort it out.

Talk about irony eh? My car breaks down, and then the tow truck that got called to help me out is about to break down too. Luckily, the driver managed to resolve the situation on his own, and finally, at 4AM, I managed to get home.

Turns out the alternator was dead, according to my mechanic (and it was also my #1 guess based on my read of the symptoms). If you don’t know, the alternator is the spinning part that does the reverse of an electrical motor - it converts spinning motion into electricity. It connects via a drivebelt to the engine shaft, and as the engine runs, it spins, charging your battery. If this thing dies, or a wire becomes loose, you’re draining your battery and when you finally kill it, your car dies. So if your electricals become weaker and weaker, die one by one until the engine finally dies while driving, you’ve got a non-charging battery.

However. If your car runs fine once it’s going, but has a hard time starting up, it’s the opposite - the alternator is working, but the battery isn’t supplying the energy. It’s either the battery wire/terminal, or the battery itself. In that scenario, while the car is running, the electricity generated by the alternator keeps the sparks going as well as your radio so your car won’t die during operation, but once you shut her down, you’re done.

Yes, not only do I know how to build websites and databases, I know a fair bit about mechanics and engineering too.

But when I tested out the BOSE Companion 2 Speaker set after checking out some Logitechs (which are great great speakers if I may add) and Altec Lansings (which by the way have very messy sound, if your ears are sensitive enough), I was blown away. I couldn’t believe how much sound clarity and weight was coming off a 2-speaker set without a subwoofer. Their slogan is “better sound through engineering” and they were not kidding. The difference in the clarity and tone of music was so obvious, I was sold in a few minutes. It was $99 in price. I could have gotten a 2.1 set from Logitech for around that price, or some lower-wattage models, even less, but I was still going to stick with the BOSE set I chose.

After some struggles trying to get my new AMEX card to put the transaction through, I brought them home to test it out.

Here is my critique on this speaker set:

1. Sound clarity is amazing. Especially considering these are single channel speakers. This one sounds better than the 3 channel speaker set by Logitech that I tested out. Usually speakers with 2 different channels sound better but this one proved that presumption wrong.
2. The bass is very powerful, even without a subwoofer. This is great, because it saves me a lot of space by not having that big subwoofer sitting on my bottom shelf. I can now utilize that space.
3. If you like to plug in other devices such as an MP3 player, or some kind of an external device, however, it’s a bit wonky. Usually these speakers come with an extra port for external devices other than the laptop itself, but this one doesn’t. It means you need to unplug-and-replug when you switch devices. Not a big problem for me however - I don’t own ANY portable music devices whatsoever.
4. The speakers cannot be mounted on the wall. So even though I saved space in my bottom shelf, I lost space on my desktop. Not much lies behind my laptop anyways, so it’s not a huge loss.
5. They could have made it a bit prettier. But oh well, it sounds good so I guess the looks can be compromised a little bit. But it’s basically a slanted box with a steel mesh covering - pretty typical for speakers.
6. If you’re used to having a wired remote sticking out for volume control, forget it. This has one volume knob on the right side speaker. No treble or bass or tone switches… but then it sounds so good

Overall, this was a worthy investment, priced at $99 and tax at Futureshop. They’re having a sale - they claim that regular price is $150. The BOSE website, however, sells them for $119.99, which is a curious thing in regards to Futureshop’s pricing. Usually manufacturer sites are the most expensive, and then the prices get slashed as you go to other more competitive retail outlets.

In Kindergarten and Elementary School, we used to have tornado drills, as it was a frequent visitor in the prarie area that we lived in. The drill was to either get to the basement part of a building, or, if that’s unavailable, go to what would be considered the deepest core of the building, in order to minimize your chances of being hit by flying debris. In case of schools, those were the hallways. Classrooms would be evacuated, so as to minimize the chances of getting hit by flying glass. Once you hit the hallway, you would crouch like a turtle, with your knees to your chest and your arms wrapping your head, into a small ball, with your head directly against the walls. This was supposed to reduce the chance of you getting blown away, or getting hit by other objects, in case the intensity of the tornado rips through part of the building. Even if the roof got blown away, this covert position would reduce surface area, and help to keep you on the floor, in the building.

Tornado alarms were installed in all the municipalities, and that thing was so loud and the noise hit a large area. It was a long wailing sound, sort of like a ambulance siren except much longer in its high-low wave. When you hear that, your best bet is to hide according to your drills. Our apartment was on the 2nd floor, but in such places, neighbours are always there to help. Anybody living in lower floors would happily welcome their neighbours into their apartments to hide out during a tornado blast. All apartments were built with the first floor as half-basements, specifically for tornadoes. Most houses were built like that too, if they did not have a full basement under it! Even the architecture of such towns were affected largely by this powerful natural phenomenon.

When I went back to Korea, however, the government was not so much interested in natural disaster relief, but leaned more towards wartime provisions. There was training for bombings and other aerial attacks that may incur in our city, which was 4 hours away from the North Korean border. This was not only for schools, but it was a city-wide provision. All schools, offices, and homes were to comply when this happens. If I remember correctly, everybody was supposed to be indoors during that short period, but it was not enforced very well. It had been more than 40 years since the Korean War, and not many people took it seriously. However they would still do the military drill of emergency take offs and what not, as well as police officers being put on alert until the military took over.

And then I came to Vancouver, and went to highschool in the GVA (Greater Vancouver Area). We are located on the Pacific plate belt, or whatever it’s called, and we’re considered to be at high-risk for earthquakes. We constantly had earthquake drills, where we’d hide under a table or desk to avoid being hit by falling objects. And then, before the second wave would hit, we’d all evacuate through the designated evacuation routes, assemble with our teacher, in order to make sure the head-count matched from when the class begun, so that missing students can be easily identified and searched for.

Growing up in 3 different countries, in very distinct environments has given me such a wide array of emergency preparation training, and it’s actually quite amazing that I managed to experience all this throughout my life.

Does anybody else have any interesting anti-disaster training that’s not often seen in many parts of the world?

My Macbook pro does run the Adobe CS3 suite quite fast and smoothly with very little margin for error or slowing down. And the expose and stack features are just amazing for productivity. But then I still miss the interface of Microsoft Excel which was much more technical, while Numbers 08, my Apple, feels more like a granny’s software with its short list of functions and menus, and the overly “easy-to-use” feel to it. It’s a spreadsheet program and I expect a hundred buttons, not thirty. But then that’s simply a matter of preference I guess.

I remember the age old problems with Windows XP of not being able to shut down the computer due to some error, or that problem where a virus would infiltrate within seconds of booting unless you patch your Service Pack 2 immediately before connecting to the internet without a firewall. Routers did more than just route - it was important to start up your computer for the first time unless you already had the latest patch pre-installed. And then there was that Windows Vista problem where the wireless network was fine but the LAN connection would be a 50/50 for connectivity, not to mention it would slow down a lot trying to perform its fancy graphic effects not meant for Windows based systems.

My conclusion after going through all of the major Microsoft Operating Systems, as well as switching to Apple with convincing from some friends, is that ALL COMPUTERS JUST SUCK EQUALLY, and problems will never stop because nothing is perfect. So I will just shut the hell up, not complain, and simply do my best to try to fix each bug as they come along. Microsoft’s claim that Vista is the most stable and functional OS ever was a scam, and so was Apple’s claim that “It just works.” It’s all a sack full of crap just like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. It’s a bundle of deceits just like the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and successful democracies installed in all of US conquered territories. It’s a… OK I’ve run out of analogies. Computers suck, just like Britney Spears.. and Clay Aiken.. I’d make a joke about Heath Ledger sucking in Brokeback Mountain but that would be disrespectful cause he just died.

Anyhow, here’s the screencap of the Ad :

I don’t know what kind of data entry workers work in such environment… What exactly are they entering, into what? That is my question.

Anyhow, if any data entry position had the amenities flashed in the above ad, I would like a position there.

Since my new computer is a Macbook Pro as I discussed on Pro Gear - Hardware, many of my software are now Mac-Based software. It was quite a transition coming over here since my hard drive on my HP Pavilion blew up and I was forced to switch computers fast. I will categorize my software mainly into three categories - backbone, administration, and design & development.

Backbone

Backbone software would mean what I run all my stuff on, mainly operating systems, and whatever it takes to keep the OS running smoothly. Obviously I have the newest version of OSX Leopard, which is an amazing operating system accompanied with cool features like Cover Flow, Stacks, Time Machine, and more. For more details on the OSX Leopard, check out this video tour of the OSX.

Apart from the Leopard, I have VMWare installed, which allows me to run Windows XP on my Macbook Pro as well. This helps for testing purposes, opening files sent to me by clients in native Office 2003 environment rather than the shaky Office for Mac environment. Mainly it is used for testing websites on IE7.

My Macbook Pro also has AppZapper installed, which is a great app for cleanly removing applications I do not need anymore. For browsing, I generally use Safari for its fast speed and cleanliness, but for web development I use Firefox with some plug-ins that are absolutely critical for fast web development and troubleshooting.

On my spare Toshiba laptop, I also run Windows XP, and this is used as a desktop. My Toshiba Laptop runs IE6 in order for testing certain websites, although compatibility for IE6 is slowly becoming more of an extra than a mandatory part of web development contracts.

Administration

Administration software would include word processing, data handling, accounting and what not.

iWork ‘08 is my primary document processing software. It’s like Microsoft Office except it works on a Mac, and it works damn fast. It includes Pages (Microsoft Word equivalent), Keynote (Microsoft Powerppoint Equivalent, and Numbers (Microsoft Excel Equivalent). Together they make a very powerful administrative software group for everyday office purposes.

Quickbooks Pro 2007 for Mac is my choice for accounting. I’ve gone through demos of nearly 10 different accounting software. Quickbooks Pro was by far the best choice for professional accounting and tax preparation. Yes, even though it is not officially a tax software, it can do tax preparation for you by categorizing expenses and tracking them in detail, in a very easy way. The second best choice for accounting software is Microsoft Money. Some people might feel repulsed at the fact that it’s Microsoft, but trust me, if I were on a Windows based computer, I’d go with Microsoft Money any day.

Mail, Address Book, iCal are the main email/contact/calendar clients included with the Mac OSX, and it is the best way to go, as it synchronizes well with all the other parts of your computer. My advice usually for these is to stick with whatever the OS Vendor gave you. Likewise, if you’re using Microsoft Windows, you should be using Microsoft Office for your email/organization/word processing and all of that.

I also use a Web Based CRM for managing tasks and schedules between myself, my employees, and my associates. SugarCRM is my choice, and you can read more about why I use Sugar CRM. The only problem with most CRMs is that they only offer synchronization with Microsoft Outlook. My personal tasks and reminders are in iCal, while my professional calendar is kept in my CRM. I open my CRM at the beginning of each day to check what I’m facing that day.

Tomorrow I will post about the development and design production software I use, which are software such as

Hardware

Macbook Pro 15.4″ 2.2 gHz - I have the newest (as of early 2008) Macbook Pro by Apple Computer (in case you didn’t know). I run OSX Leopard (version 10.5) and with VMWare I run Windows XP Professional with SP2. This cost me $2200 Canadian plus the 2 year extended warranty and tax. Cost me almost $3,000 with everything in.

Toshiba M60CD4 - It’s my old Toshiba laptop, which has a dead screen. It cost me $1500 and tax back in late 2005. It’s been my longest lasting laptop I’ve owned so far unless the new Macbook beats it. It is connected to the external monitor, and I mainly use it for some coding stuff, and also to test websites on Internet Explorer 6. It sits on my desk, closed, so it’s more or less a desktop. It helps when I need to look something up quick, without having to open my Macbook out of its case.

Acer 22″ Widescreen LCD - The LCD screen is my secondary monitor for my Macbook, and also for the Toshiba. It cost $289 and tax, and it’s given be exceptional value so far. It’s a great way to extend your desktop to have more space and improve work efficiency.

HP CM1015MFP - This is my massive multifunction color laser printer. It is a relatively new model with a scanner and all. Cost me nearly $500 plus tax. The print quality is great, and it’s great for producing print proofs and invoices that look sleek and clean. My industry relies largely on image, so even invoice printing out of an inkjet printer looks bad. Hence the investment for a printer that cost 5 times as much as a generic multifunction would.

Logitech Mouse/Keyboards - I won’t list the models but I only purchase Logitech brand mouse/keyboard combinations. I have a wireless keyboard/mouse set, as well as a wired laser mouse that I carry around with my Macbook.

Blackberry 7250 - This is my primary phone, and of course, I get emails. It gives me much more mobility when I need to reply to urgent emails and what not. Sounds like the everyday marketing phrase but I’m really not restricted to my home office, or even my laptop at all times. Which is great. This is the older model of the Blackberries, and this is the sturdiest blackberry ever made, in my opinion, and I don’t care if everybody else flashes their brand new Blackberry World 8830s or Blackberry Pearls. I like mine the best.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.