Persuasion no, facilitation yes

Most salespeople wrongly believe their job is to persuade. They think, “I’ve got to say something compelling that starts the process of persuading them to engage. Otherwise, why would this executive give me their time?"

But here’s the problem: people hate being persuaded. They instinctively resist it. But there's more. Persuasion is a low status activity. Provocation is a high status tactic, reflecting how decision-makers and power brokers behave. (themselves)

Short, terse, blunt. The tone can be deemed rude to the untrained ear. 

Think of it this way: Persuasion is about pushing. Coercing. Attempting to eliminate choice though a false pretext: "I'm here to help 'educate' you, Mr./Ms. Client."

Provoking, then facilitating, as a process is all about pulling. Attracting. It's a high status process which doesn't rely on low status persuasion. Persuasion transmits lack of confidence. Provocation and facilitation reeks of confidence. 

By being direct, provoking plays on emotion.

As Dennehy explains, “The purpose of a cold call is to take a person who is in an intellectual and matter-of-fact state of mind and help them FEEL they have an issue that needs more exploration with you. That’s it. Not wailing in agony, but enough for them to feel uncomfortable since speaking with you.”

Emotional facilitation can, when stars align, spark curiosity. You can, when designing how to communicate, provokes self-reflection and create an environment where customers start asking themselves, “Do I need to talk to this person? They're asking a question I should be asking myself -- but am not. It seems they have a missing puzzle piece to offer.”

Key word: Seems. That's the attraction piece. Think of this process as a tease. Less is more.

Design a purpose driven sales process

Starting the Conversation: Initial Outreach

Your job in the first conversation is to find emotion. Then, leverage it to provoke curiosity. No persuading allowed. Help the prospect to begin reflecting on their own situation—not because you’ve pushed them. Rather, because you’ve created space for them to connect with their own thoughts. To challenge themselves by reviewing the situation as an outsider would.

That's what facilitation is. For example:

• Facilitative Question: “How are you currently addressing [specific challenge] internally? What’s working well, and what’s frustrating?”
• Purpose: This question helps customers consider reexamining their own efforts and results, free from any pressure. It activates preexisting curiosity and invites those (who are most likely) to explore their problem further.

As Dennehy reminds us, focus on mastering the process, not the result. “A true professional focuses on what they have to do to get somewhere, not whether they get there. Do that well, consistently, and you will have predictable outcomes.”

Qualifying the Prospect: Exploring Readiness

Earning conversations with people—who don’t want to talk to you—gets easier when you focus on provoking curiosity rather than persuading.

Your purpose at this stage is to help potential customers assess their own emotional readiness to act. As Scott Channell puts it, you’re not planting thoughts but activating what’s already within them.

• Facilitative Question: “How does this challenge impact your daily operations or long-term goals? What, if anything, would cause you to consider solving this right now?”
• Purpose: This question avoids creating artificial urgency. Instead, it empowers the customer to genuinely (without bias) weigh the importance of their problem and decide whether it’s worth pursuing solutions.

When the prospect says, “I need more information to understand what you’re suggesting,” they’ve begun the process of convincing themselves. That’s facilitation in action.

Advancing the Conversation: Moving Toward a Decision

Most salespeople approach this stage by trying to overcome objections or create urgency. But persuading others to move forward usually backfires, leaving the prospect feeling pressured. Or worse.

Instead, facilitate potential customers emotions; help them to clarify priorities by asking questions keeping control in their hands.

• Facilitative Question: “What would make addressing this challenge a priority for your team right now?”
• Purpose: This question encourages the prospect to reflect on their decision-making process. It invites them to align next steps with their own goals and timelines, free from external pressure.

By focusing on what matters to them, you build trust and foster a sense of collaboration.

The Benefits of a Firm Purpose in Sales

These include...

1. Authentic Conversations: Facilitation creates meaningful interactions based on mutual trust, not manipulation.
2. Deeper Emotional Connection: Customers feel in control, strengthening their trust in you as a partner.
3. Improved Mental Health for Salespeople: Detachment from outcomes reduces stress, fostering confidence and resilience.
4. Sustainable Success: Prospects who move forward are emotionally ready, leading to better results and fewer regrets.

Finding your true, firm purpose will allow the transition from persuading focused processes to facilitating buying activity. Indeed everything changes. The Stoic principle of Firm Purposes teaches that success lies in focusing on how you approach each interaction—not on the outcome.

As Dennehy wisely observes, “The root of all misery is attachment. If you’re miserable, it’s because you’re holding on to something. Let go, and the misery goes with it.”

Next time you reach out to a prospect, let go of the need to persuade. Instead, ask: “How can I help this person realize what they need—for their own reasons?”

By centering your outreach on this purpose, you’ll create conversations that are more productive, authentic, and rewarding for both you and your customers.

Are there other top causes?

Yes. It’s possible your:

• subject line reveals more than it should
• message is too long message and lacks a provocation
• word choice doesn’t exploit a psychological trigger

These are some of the most common problems sellers are encountering. They all lead down to the major aim of breaking the ice.

So how can you start a relevant conversation when you lack relevant points and basically don’t have any idea what to talk about?

A deeper challenge

Talking about benefits while crafting your sales email template is a symptom of a larger problem. Your urge to make the prospect:

• Agree to a meeting, appointment or demo
• Understand more than they need to (at the moment)
• Accept your pitch, referencing your products or clients list

Presenting your pitch from cold is like playing for a knock-out in round one. There is always a chance to get it right but most salespeople would choose sustainability over chance.

Your message is irrelevant, an interruption.

Therefore, be brief, blunt and provocative. Most importantly avoid:

• Attempting to earn a meeting, appointment or demo
• Taking longer than 20 seconds to read
• Referencing you, your client list, products nor benefits

Talk about this instead

Drafting your sales email template requires you to reframe your mind first. Prospecting should not be a battlefield where you’ve got to BEAT your prospects. Instead, strive to BE your prospect and tune in the same mindset in order to communicate your message successfully.

Researching your prospects and talking exclusively about them is no guarantee for a sale but it’s a prerequisite to start a conversation.

These principles do not simply apply to email/LinkedIn prospecting. They should be used when writing phone scripts.

Start right now... where you are and with what you have.

Jot down issues your prospects:

• Don’t know (but should)
• Know but don’t act upon (while they must)
• Cannot see (risk to hurt them)
• Cannot see - that will move them towards a goal

You could find more tips like that in our upcoming Email/InMail Writing Workshop.

Furthermore, you could surprise your prospect. Your email template can warm them of a possible harm/loss. You’ve got to tune-in and really soak up your prospects’ environment so as to provide viable provocations.

Seamless flow of communication is what we want to achieve. Avoid a single “make it or break it” sales pitch that screams for a meeting or vulgarly pushes a product.

Yes, we use machines to communicate but we must remain human nonetheless.

Therefore, you should rather talk about your prospects’ objectives, fears or challenges in order to break the ice.

A turn-around example

One of my students recently turn everything around. She was struggling. Each cold email draft she sent my way was ... well ... horrible. She understood she needed to change her email template.

But she wasn't getting it -- when it came to "the doing" of it.

Here's how we wrote a handful of effective (provocative) first touch sales email messages—that are, today, sparking responses and meetings. Notice the difference between "pushing your product" and "pulling your prospect."

An actual sales email template example

One of my students (we’ll call her Susan) needs to set appointments with business owners in her sales email template. She's selling Verizon's Fleetservices service set. It's a pretty cool GPS-powered telematics service for a variety of industries.

It helps owners of large vehicle fleets:

• control costs and discover better ways to use vehicles
• access roadside assistance & improve longevity of vehicles
• reduce losses from theft
• diagnose and treat vehicle problems faster
• streamline compliance with Department of Transportation laws

Susan’s got a great market opportunity. Anyone with a fleet of vehicles is a good match for her vehicle telematics service.

While Susan's competitors are blasting emails with these same benefits in their long-winded sales emails she is taking a different, provocative approach.

Anatomy of a failing sales email template

Here's what most sellers of vehicle telematics services are emailing potential customers. This was the "before" approach Susan was working with.

A better approach

Here's what Susan is using to effectively spark conversations with her telematics prospects.

Notice how she is using real life worries and issues that are keeping her prospects up at night... in combination with other problems they probably don't know even exist.

Do you spot the difference?

Susan's second sales email template is brief, blunt and basic. Most of all it is focused exclusively on her prospect's real-life problems. Both known and, probably, issues customers don't yet realize they have.

The subject line sparks curiosity. “Does what hurt more?”

The first sentence helps the prospect introspect - “Am I doing everything possible to prevent these from happening?!”

[ These are just a few of the techniques you can learn too -- in the upcoming Email Writing Workshop ]

The rest of this message shows how Susan:

• researched the client (isn't just mass emailing)
• is focused on construction companies (“just like me”)
• is challenging the reader to perform at an exceptional level
• asks the reader if they will consider something unusual, effective
• not saying what the unusual, effective approach is (this triggers readers to reply)

Susan's sales email template triggers a response. An invitation to talk about the prospect’s’ problem (and possible solutions) in a way that (eventually) connects to what Susan sells.

Writing about solutions to customers' problems (too soon) might be most of your problem.

Don't let it be.

Instead, write your template only about the potential buyers' problems—not your solution. Not yet.

Good products sell easily. We knew that since we were born. Yet somehow we tend to misplace our trust in what we sell and poison our sales email template or script with too much talk about features & benefits. Instead, we should focus on prospects… helping them figure out if the product is right for them. (and not the other way around)

What do you think?

Do you have questions about making this technique “come alive” for you or your sales team? Let me know!

Photo credit: Timothy Allen