Yea, so, it’s been awhile. Like 8 months. We’ll see if I remember the characters.

(I kinda feel like I should finish this before I start watching Buffy. But I did finally put a Buffy disc in the player, so….)

Awww, opening credits shot of the Enterprise space shuttle. Might have to take a trip to NYC to see that.

Half an hour now and I haven’t said anything. Mostly it’s just all predictable and boring.

Aha, discussion of the Eugenics Wars. That’s handy, because I was thinking about the Khan news when I started this post. Well, not that that included anything of note, really, except they were fighting a battle in North Africa.

Not sure why there was a standoff on the bridge. The MACOs were outnumbered. The phasers were on stun. They might take out one or two of you before you got them, but so what? You’d have the bridge, which was the whole point.

Was that supposed to be a big revelation in sickbay? Cuz it totally wasn’t.

–

Episode 70

Crazy time dude is back.

It occurs to me that taking on the suicide mission yourself is the ultimate cowardice. Just isn’t brave enough to order one of his crew to do it. Heck, he doesn’t even have to order them, since he had a qualified volunteer.

The noble decision, noble sacrifice, is not so noble.

Cliffhanger. That’s annoying. I wasn’t wanting to watch another 2 eps, but now I’ll have to do it soon.

Hey, we’re on a roll. Let’s keep going.

Maybe they’ll finally defeat the Xindi or whatever it is they’re doing.

Oh yea, there were marines or something on board. Wow, that whole recap covered everything, didn’t it? Even the Vulcan neuropressure, which I had also managed to forget about!

Hey, new chick. Why? So she can kiss Paris.

La la, intro. Hey, the first space shuttle was named after the starship Enterprise. What if the first starship was named after the first space shuttle? Oooooo.

The marines are called MACOS. Which makes me think two things:

Uh-oh, better get Maaco.
A bunch of girls named Meiko.

Oh, heh, I just confused Trip with Tom Paris. Wrong series. I’m not going to go back and edit it.

I suppose they’ve given me the character episode I wanted. I just.. one of them is a rivalry between Malcolm and the MACO guy. Which, blah. And the other one is T’Pol being jealous of the MACO chick. And an excuse to have a sexay lesbian neuropressure scene.

Commercials for Face Off make me want to see another season of it.

If Malcolm and the MACO guy had just had their little fight months ago, it would’ve saved us all half of this episode. Not that the other half of it was better, mind.

Er, wait, what? Now the episode is over?

Malcolm/MACO + fight = solved
Trip/T’Pol + sex = solved
Trip/MACO + ????? = ?????
Archer/Alien + “Tell me what you know!” = ????

Buh what?

–

Episode 68

Oh bother. This one isn’t on the Tivo. Plus it doesn’t look like I thought to grab it yet.

Okay, about 3 hours later, I have it and I’m done being distracted by schoolwork and chatting. Onward!

I was going to say… there’s something cool about watching it on my computer on a flat screen. But it’s actually that the quality is better than the LP recordings my Tivo was making.

I still think it’s very futuristic to watch things on an iphone. Like the shuttle launch! And it’s just extra high-tech to do stuff like that with Star Trek and other science fiction. Not that I’m watching this on my iphone, though I suppose I could if I wanted the hassle.

Oh sure, having the crew all in comas gives him time to catch up on his correspondence. Except that he’s supposed to be checking something in engineering every two hours. And he seems to be checking up on each crewmember individually. Even if he only does that once a day, that should take him most of the day. Plus he has all those animals he’s always taking care of. He doesn’t, like, sleep, but I don’t see how this gives him more time than usual.

Phlox is eating popcorn. I might have to have some popcorn later. Maybe while watching Doctor Who.

Was T’Pol actually there all that time? Because it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Archer said he’s trusting the ship to Phlox and Mayweather and Trip gave him instructions. And it just seems the science officer would be better-equipped to do all of those things. So I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt that T’Pol is not actually there, but also in a coma.

She never touched the food, so I’m inclined to think she’s not really there.

Or it could all be a double fakeout and I’m supposed to think he’s hallucinating her when he’s really not.

I was wondering why he wasn’t talking to the computer at all, but this computer doesn’t talk, does it?

Of course he said he hasn’t slept much! He doesn’t sleep much!

She seems to be standing particularly unnaturally, probably because she the actress was told ‘Don’t touch anything’. So she’s not sure what to do with her hands.

No fakeout. They weren’t that sophisticated. The only thing I’m left wondering is if he hallucinated them not being out of the field and his whole going to warp thing was unnecessary.

Can I stand another two episodes? Let’s find out. Eventually I’m bound to hit a good one… right? Right?

Why do I hear crickets?

Getting a little annoyed with the Andorian referring to humans as pink-skins.

Commercial for Being Human. I really should watch the end of UK series 2.

Ensign Sato? Who’s she? Haven’t seen her lately. :P

Speaking of pink-skins, I notice T’Pol’s lips are pretty pink, like she’s wearing lipstick. Shouldn’t they be green and shouldn’t she be trying to make them greener if it’s to be attractive to other Vulcans?

“Son of a b—”? Language, Captain!

Not completely uninteresting, but meh.

–

Episode 66.

Odds that this whole thing is a ploy, an interrogation technique, to get this Xindi guy to spill his guts to Archer? I’d say… 90%.

For the record, I’m typing this bit at 0:03. So it occurred to me somewhere around minute 2.

Maybe it’s from watching that British reality show where they fooled a bunch of people into thinking they were training for the space program and going up in a Russian vessel? And that they were totally in space? I forget the name of the show, but it was pretty awesome. :)

But this scenario is quite like that. And they don’t even need to make up the bit about artificial gravity. Though they did have to age the guy and give him some amnesia.

I’m going up to 99% after considering the name of this episode. “Stratagem”. Yup. Which makes this whole episode really, really dull.

The way Archer seemed really eager to get some coordinates, I’m going to 99.99999%.

Well, now the scenario has been broken for the audience. So now it needs to get more interesting. At least the big reveal wasn’t saved for the end.

What the heck is T’Pol wearing now? It would fit in better with 60′s science fiction. Though I won’t go so far as to say it’s TOS-like.

And “three days ago”, she was wearing something else.

I really didn’t need to hear the whole how and why they set up this little fiction.

Xindi dude was a little more suspicious than the people in the reality show.

Yeayea, blah blah, whatever. I think I’m done with Enterprise for the night.

Episode 63

My recording is from December 30th. So not even from this year. Heh. But a full year hasn’t passed yet!

If it hadn’t been titled “Carpenter Street”, I would’ve seriously questioned if SyFy had actually shown Star Trek and not a random episode of some other show. This starts out with a guy in the 70s eating pizza out of a bathroom. As it was, I did worry a little bit, but reserved panic until the credits.

If we keep following this random guy, I’m going to start thinking this is an attempt at a spin-off.

Wow. So ready for this episode to end. And I’m only 10 minutes in with commercials included. Dude has drugged a prostitute. Just what I love to see on Star Trek episodes… er…

Srsly, this is not an episode designed to give me any momentum and incentive to keep watching the other 31 episodes I have left!

Oh, jee, I’m so thrilled to see this time-agenty dipwad back. And Archer, those lines were completely for the audience’s benefit. You really think you have an audience who doesn’t know this guy’s from the future?

“I thought you and your… colleagues were supposed to be keeping an eye on the timeline. You’re from the 30th century. Hasn’t all this happened already?”

Wait, this was supposed to be Detroit in ‘the early 21st century’? Seriously? It looked like the 70s to me. Granted I was basing it mostly on a car and a little bit on the way he was dressed. Are there even any people left in Detroit in the early 21st century?

2004! What a coincidence this episode originally aired in 2003.

Oh, so you can detect that a car has a motion-activated security system, but you can’t disable it?! Someone give this man a sonic screwdriver, stat.

Jeesh. I hope it doesn’t take us until 2061 to get away from fossil fuels.

Guy, the alien is having you collect one person of each blood type? I sure hope you’ve already collected someone with your bloodtype, or you’re just asking for it.

La la la. Boring boring boring. All action and silly trips to a drive-thru do not a good episode make. I really do think Enterprise’s biggest problem is character and character relationships.

Hurray. Final credits!

–

Episode 64.

Pilgrims again. All male, I believe. Again. Oh, a chick. I should pay more attention. :)

She’s come to Phlox to talk about a ‘procedure’. We’ll see if it’s at all related to her gender.

Oh, lovely, religious suicide bombers slash hijackers. :P

“Files Deleted — Total Volume Deleted: 19.3 XB”
Anyone know what XB might stand for?

I hope he’s got offline backups. :)

Oh look, the chick is pregnant. And wants an abortion. Shokku. Surprise. Gasp.

So the only reason we had a woman among these pilgrims is because that role couldn’t be filled by a man. No surprise there at all.

And I guess doctor-patient confidentiality is optional.

Idiot hijackers. You’ve studied the specs of the ship. You know how to erase files from the computer system. But you don’t once think maybe you ought to look up how this transporter works and that it’s not an execution device?

The way Archer just said D’Jamat, it sounded like dijon.

You know I would love an episode that didn’t involve a firefight. Just once.

The end. And the moral of the story is? Religion is bad, mmkay?

I had a moment of wondering if this was actually Enterprise or SyFy had messed up the schedule. It starts with a wild west scene. But the music was recognizable enough. And now the credits have started.

I actually recorded this episode last year! (December 30th) Which is several months earlier than the last episode I watched.

John Ford western? Isn’t John Ford an sf writer?

I feel like they’re in the same saloon as in Back to the Future 2. And just put the door in a different place.

I don’t understand why these guys are stuck in a stagnant society/technology. They were the wild west and they still are 250 years later?

And where did they get coffee from?

Hey. Archer was born in upstate New York.

“A lot’s changed in 300 years.” Yea, so why didn’t it change on this planet too?!

And now the obligatory battle scene.

I can’t bring myself to fast forward through it. And yet how often do I pay even 5% of my attention to these? So I might as well, really.

Tip to future Starfleet away teams: If you’re going to a Wild West planet, wear a bulletproof uniform.

A fight scene in an occupied horse’s stall? That might be the most dangerous stunt on this show.

Don’t even waste your time asking if she wants to come with you, Archer. They never do. (If you were The Doctor asking though, you’d stand a decent chance!)

Hrm. Just how much info is on that PADD they gave her? That seems dangerous.

Well, that episode was decent. And you’ll note it had nothing to do with the ongoing plot.

–

Episode 62.

Have we seen Porthos in awhile? Why didn’t Archer wonder where the dog was when T’Pol was cooking him eggs?

The reason I ask, is because Archer was just giving a eulogy and they weren’t showing us who for, and I entertained the notion it was the dog.

Ahh.. more half-naked massage. It’d been awhile since we had any of that.

Heck, I don’t even remember why he was getting neuropressure treatments from her. He couldn’t sleep because of some.. oh, maybe it was that strafing of Earth.

En /root/? Shouldn’t his accent have that be en /rout/? Heck, I’m even more likely to pronounce it the second way. Neither of which pronunciation is French, so I can’t put it down to that.

Ah, so it was the clone’s funeral at the first part of the episode. So, um.. how are you going to make the next 45 minutes interesting, guys?

Let me guess! A battle scene! And more neuropressure!

Maybe T’Pol can smooch the clone.

Weird. They just said ‘in a short time’ twice and both times the CC said ‘in a short while’.

Ah. There’s Porthos.

That accent is cute on a kid.

No toilet in the shuttlepod?!

Archer’s looking grizzled.

Well, one of my predictions for this episode came to be. Just a surprise it wasn’t the battle scene prediction.

Well, that episode was pretty decent. Did I say that before? Decent, decent. But then, it was a pretty good ep when it was called “Tuvix”.

Is this plot done yet? Do Star Treks really need ongoing plots? Recurring plots is one thing. But to be stuck going along this plot arc is annoying. Maybe that’s why I prefer TNG to all the other Treks.

Going out exploring is just not thrilling enough? We need to be on a mission to hunt down and kill Bin Laden? Or uh.. whoever it is they’re hunting down that killed a bunch of humans on Earth.

Heh. 2003. It really could be an allegory. Blah. Let’s hope it doesn’t take 10 years for the plot to wrap up. :P

Every time they say ‘kemocite’ I think they’re about to say Kemo Sabe.

Bah. I’m ready to pick up the book I was reading, now that I finished what I was eating and am waiting for my Pocket Frogs to hatch out of their eggs. (Why are Pocket Frogs never Pocket Tadpoles?) In short, I don’t have anything else to do while watching this. And it’s so boring!!

I could ramble here about something else, but that would be rather silly.

A gun with a large gummi worm in it. Scary.

Deleting unused games on my phone. And now playing one of those coin drop ones.

Okay. I’m confused by this ad for ‘The Core’. Premieres on SyFy? Is this a remake of the one with Wil Wheaton? Because it was crying out for a remake?

Ah. I was confusing it with Deep Core. But, still, how has this 2003 movie not been on SyFy channel before? Must be too good a movie!!

Yay. Well, that ep is over. Only a billion more to go.

–

Episode 60.

Twilight. Think it involves vampires? Or apples?

Gah. The internet is so slow!!

This better not be T’Pol as a Vulcan, because she’s cooking eggs!

Why hasn’t he developed little tricks and tools to help him cope with this memory loss? A journal? Post it notes? A video briefing, so T’Pol doesn’t have to keep telling him the story of the past 10 years every morning?

The book beckons again. And it’s not even that I’m in the middle of it and want to get back. It’s an anthology (Eclipse Four), so it’s just a matter of starting to read the next story.

Why even keep telling him the truth and devastating him every morning? Why not just lie?

The uniform doesn’t suit her? It doesn’t even fit her!

I have no idea why this game app keeps trying to sell me motor oil. Not even just one brand, but a couple different ones!

I like Phlox’s hair. It actually makes him look younger to me, not older.

That was better than the episode before it, but I still felt like it dragged on. I am so over battle scenes. :P

It’s been awhile since I watched any of these. Trying to clear out a good chunk before Wiscon, when I won’t be around to babysit the Tivo.

T’Pol freaking out again. She is easily the most emotional of all of the crew/cast. And yet how many times did Spock get emotional? Tuvok? You could count those on one hand, I bet.

Movie night been’s on hold since they entered the Expanse? That doesn’t sound true. But now it’s been so long that I can’t remember for sure.

Why are they always watching such crap movies anyway? Why not a good Star Wars or Lord of the Rings marathon? Are these guys science geeks or aren’t they?

The Vulcan zombies want your braaaaains.

–

Episode 58.

Hoshi in the bathroom. Really, why did TOS never show bathrooms? Think of all the hot and steamy shower scenes they missed out on!

I’m getting a Beauty and the Beast vibe from this plot.

Oh come on.. 400 years? That’s nothing. I think Duncan McLeod was a bit older than that. And of course the Doctor is more than twice that.

And now he refers to them as companions. Aiyaiyai.

That episode would’ve been more interesting if the dude was a chick. It would’ve added a slashy vibe to it without being expressly gay. Missed opportunity.

Well, turns out editing it by hand was pretty darned easy too. It was just adding: class=”read” to the tds. Though my first pass through, I failed to also put it in for the authors. So the titles were the right color, but the authors weren’t.

The most annoying part was adding two year’s worth of lists. Lots of tedious typing.

But, I’m done! You can look at my list of which books/stories I’ve read of the Tiptree winners right over here somewhere. Still plenty I have not read. A few of the ones there that I haven’t marked, I have tried to read, and failed. Maybe they should get their own color.

Heh. I’d forgotten it was a new intro.

So the first bit had dudes with flamethrowers. And the closed captions said ‘flames roaring’ ‘flames hissing’. And I thought.. yea, fire _does_ make noise. Why does fire make noise? When it’s a campfire, it’s mostly the crackle and snap of the wood shifting and, well, burning. But why does fire roar when it’s coming out of a flamethrower or a jet engine?

As for the hiss, that was probably the gas.

Did we really need to see another ‘neuropressure’ sex session?

But T’Pol seems to have found the other 2 buttons on her pajama top.

Okay, this is weird. And yet like a couple of other episodes. Generally ones involving evolving or de-evolving (sic).

Kind of boring actionwise. I can see how the actors had fun with it though.

–

Episode 56.

More massage. Oi.

Some continuity in that Archer hasn’t fully recovered from the virus in the last ep.

This dude with the high forehead is rather impressive makeup.

What’s with these silly closeups? Soft light and cheesy music and you’ll have it perfect. :P Seduce the captain. :P

Did I mention there was a woman in this ep?! (jeez, the music even sounds like TOS now)

She’s a prostitute and slave. The best kind of woman to have on ST right? :P

*now I have to pause to watch Amazing Race*

I’d feel better about the lesbian scene if it wasn’t T’Pol /again/ and if it wasn’t clearly meant for the male audience.

Why is T’Pol always being the one assaulted? :P

Blah blah, fight some reptilian Xindi. The end.

I meant to note in the last entry that I noticed Duras showed up and remembered him from the House of Duras. But I didn’t remember him from any previous Enterprise episode. I guess I missed him.

Wow, an actual insectoid alien. They’re going all-out this ep.

Okay, while it’s cool to hear the insect talking in insect language.. it doesn’t make any bloody sense. He/she/it is speaking his/her/its own language, but all the other aliens are speaking English? Noo.. there’s probably translators involved. In which case we should be treated to hearing the insect in English. Or everyone else in their own languages.

Oh, marine aliens too. They don’t get to speak English either.

Eek. New theme song. Well, same song, different arrangement.

I’m going to react typically and say I don’t like it and I preferred the old one! It seems the wrong tempo for the visuals, which weren’t changed.

Daniel Dae Kim! Which is totally odd because with part of that dialogue in subtitles and part not, I did think of the Korean spoken on Lost. Maybe I was prescient. I should’ve typed it at the time I thought it!

Military Assault Command. Do you want to guess how many of the 4 of them we see here are female?

Hayes sounds like a Brit trying to sound American. Or maybe just someone trying to sound like military/political American. Born in La Jolla, so so much for that first theory. :) Doesn’t surprise me to see he played a Kennedy twice.

Grav plating going screwy. Definitely went all out with the effects!

T’Pol has new hair. And I hate it.

Vulcans have a form of neuropressure.
T’Pol is Vulcan.
Therefore T’Pol knows how to administer Vulcan neuropressure.

Also, it’s a cure for grief. Apparently.

Well, I’ve already had a lot to say about this episode only 14 minutes in! It must at least not be boring! Then again, as the first ep of a new season, it has a leg up on the interesting.

Trip as a kid. I love seeing Trek chars as kids. One of the best eps of TNG was, drat, the title escapes me. The one with Guinan and Ro and.. somebody else as kids.

SyFy has this little popup in the corner advertising their shows. This one pops up with two guys and I keep thinking it’s an ad for Merlin, but it’s for Ghost Hunters. Dude should not be allowed to wear the same type of clothes as Merlin. Though at least he’s not wearing a red scarf.

T’Pol has a new skintight outfit, but somehow I like it a little better. It has a very low V-neckline, but her chest isn’t quite so large in it.

You know walking in sewage isn’t just gross. It’s entirely unhealthy. And, as they say, it’s the waste of 31 different species. I find it hard to believe the air isn’t toxic to some degree.

I don’t think that’s the whole story, Malcolm. You’ve got this team of army types on board, it makes sense to use them so they don’t get restless and get in the way of the crew. For a landing mission, it makes perfect sense to use them. Makes a little less sense for Malcolm to command them.

And of course neuropressure is best performed by someone wearing a robe.

Subterfuge.. and.. my head! That is the worst pajama top EVER! It has one button. Right in the middle of her boobs.

Not that it stayed on for more than 2 seconds.

And now we literally get a shot of her covering her boobs with her hands!

You know after the first episode, I was willing to cut the show some slack. It wasn’t all about the sex. Not all the time. There were episodes, sometimes even more than one in a row, where everyone stayed fully clothed. But this is just unbelievable.

If I don’t see a male bum within 3 episodes to make up for this…

So we’re in the middle of what might be called The Expanse Arc. Rather than flitting about episode to episode finding adventures. I don’t think I prefer Star Trek that way. With an ongoing plot. Because it tends to be the ongoing plot doesn’t interest me very much. Voyager trying to get home is sort of halfway between the wandering about and the ongoing plot. They’re wandering about in a specific direction.

Well, we’ll see where it goes. And what they have left to do with T’Pol. Probably be seeing her bum.

–

Episode 54.

Anamoly. You know what would be an anamoly? An episode with more than 4 women in it. I think their average has to be like 2.1.

A chick’s name in the credits!! Gasp, shock.

Oh wait, and maybe here she is. A crewmember. Odds on her dying? Or odds on her almost-kissing someone?

Oh, or maybe freaking out, or being possessed by something. Got to be one of the four, or maybe two of them.

Otherwise why is she here? Maybe Sato wanted the week off.

Fuller’s dead. But Fuller isn’t the chick. Fuller might be a chick, but unlikely.

Hey, I think she lived. How did that happen?