The Jemma Bond Blog Show

Girl Throws Eggs at Simon Cowell During BGT Final...Amanda Holden Brands her a "Stupid Cow"

2013-06-11T02:09:00.002+01:00

At one point I was convinced that the mad woman who stormed the stage was Britain's Got Talent's biggest critic Bruce Forsyth in drag venting his anger on former Strictly Come Dancing judge Alesha Dixon, until I decided that his legs were too shapely and feminine to pass for those of an eighty-something-year-old pensioner who refuses to retire. After watching Saturday night's incident during the live final, I've come to the conclusion that violinist Natalie Holt is a deeply bitter human being who succeed in making a valid point - one we had known all along but chose to ignore. Pelting the judging panel during operatic duo Richard and Adam's rendition of The Impossible Dream was definitely a step too far, with Amanda Holden branding her a "stupid cow", and Simon Cowell rediscovering his hated for eggs. Even eventual winners Attraction who were overshadowed by Holt agree that "...she is a stupid girl". Yet with all the controversy caused, there's some sense in Holt's subsequent statement which revealed that she was taking a stand against Cowell.

As most of you are aware, I'm an avid fan of reality talent shows like Britain's Got Talent and The X Factor; a couple of years ago I wrote reviews for the Danish version of the latter and applied to audition for Talent. These programmes may have attracted criticism from a fraction of the viewing public, but one cannot deny that these shows are entertaining. In the words of Dermot O'Leary, "Your Saturday night starts right here!" (Mine started with Harry Hill's TV Burp, but as the show is now off-air we'll let that past), and indeed we have gradually seen the return of an era when the weekend was compulsory family viewing, before Rupert Murdoch ruined everything with Sky TV. We have these shows to thank for the careers of Paul Potts, Susan Boyle, JLS, Leona Lewis, and my favourite X Factor contestant Rhydian. Only a handful of contestants have won or indeed achieved great success, but the world of show-business is fickle; many are called but few are chosen.

Although Holt later apologised for sabotaging Richard and Adam's otherwise perfect performance, it turns out that this was only to avoid having to face charges. She later declared that as a musician who had studied in various institutions, she felt frustrated with reality show formats which exploit contestants, and blamed the situation on Cowell's influence on the music industry. As much as I wish to disagree, she does have a point. In recent years experts who had voiced what Holt merely echoed include Sting, Elton John, and Chris Evans. Even Rod Stewart and Robbie Williams who at different times guest-mentored singers on The X Factor couldn't resist taking a dig at the show in the press; with Williams questionable talent - he himself has admitted that he's not much of a singer - it is a wonder that he continues to release best-selling albums and perform live on tour. Speaking of limited skills, it is no longer news that BGT and The X Factor support mere entertainment over talent. Acts like Chico, John & Edward, Wagner, and most recently Rylan were made to believe that they could have longevity in their careers when in reality they were tuneless. By putting them through to the live shows, the place of truly talented singers have been robbed. Former X Factor judge Cheryl Cole confirmed that the producers occasionally give priority to 'watchable' contestants, which explains why the deluded Katie Waissel was chosen over the soulful Gamu in 2010. In the case of BGT, how often do the judges buzz off sub-standard performers, only to change their minds seconds later as soon as they notice these acts offer entertainment value unlike singers on the BBC's rival show The Voice which in contrast only allows real talent but constantly slips in the ratings? As I once said of Jamie Bruce, a former X Factor contestant who claims that The Voice saved his life: If you want credibility, go on The Voice. If you simply want to be famous, go on The X Factor.

Holt's boyfriend Chris Waitt has since defended her by claiming: "She objects to those kind of shows and to Simon Cowell and what he represents to the music industry", but he fails to add that she had been a BGT contestant herself in 2012 with her classical band Raven Quartet. Similar acts who auditioned in the past include Escala and Sue Son in 2008 and 2009 respectively, both of whom are now pursuing fairly successful careers. Although Raven managed to impress the judges during their audition, they failed to breeze through to the live semis, leading to one of the members posting a scathing entry on their official blog which has since been deleted, but it is clear that they craved the spotlight for themselves, and saw BGT as a platform to promote themselves. Judging by their past, it is clear that these girls are bitter, and it is possible that Holt is still angry with Cowell for personal reasons.

While I agree with Holt's reasons for disrupting the show, her decision to actually go through with it has ruined any chances of being taken seriously as an artist. She may have received messages of support from fellow musicians, but the question remains: will she ever work in this town again? Even the other three members of Raven have hinted that she may be fired from the group. Sabotaging Richard and Adam's performance was uncalled for, an act with has earned her fifteen minutes of fame for all the wrong reasons. As a BAFTA-nominated musician, she could have used her craft to promote her message of rebellion. Rage Against the Machine successfully did it in 2009, beating X Factor winner Joe McElderry to the Christmas Number One spot; Holt could have gathered numerous classical artists to record a protest song as opposed to promoting vandalism on a family show, but she chose eggs over skill. I have a feeling that next year, following Holt's dismissal, the other members of Raven will audition for BGT a second time, and Cowell will put them through to spite his attacker. Now that's proper TV...

Princess Madeleine Finally Ties the Knot

2013-06-08T18:00:00.002+01:00

Congratulations to Princess Madeleine of Sweden who married British-American businessman Christopher O'Neill in a ceremony held in Stockholm today. After the heartache she suffered following allegations that her then-fiancé Jonas Bergstrom had cheated on her some years ago, it's good to see her happy at last. I read about the affair and I can't believe that anyone would cheat on a hard-working, good-natured woman like Madeleine with a photography student based in the UK. Tora Uppstrom Berg, who is Norwegian, claims not to have known who her lover was, but as Norway and Sweden are neighbours, I seriously doubt it. People criticised her at the time, but Madeleine did the right thing calling off the wedding; there's no point jumping into a ditch with your eyes wide open.

I know it's not easy for a man to adjust his life for royalty, but from what I've heard the House of Bernadotte is down to earth, and I know that most Swedes are very welcoming, so Christopher should feel at home whenever he visits - apparently he and his new wife will continue to reside in New York where they first met. All that remains now is learning the language!

Here's wishing the couple a happy married life.

In Memory of Lee Rigby

2013-06-07T00:27:00.001+01:00

Following the incident which occurred in Woolwich recently, I can honestly claim that I am disgusted to breathe the same air as Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale. My hearts goes to the family of Lee Rigby, and I pray that both Michaels eventually receive their comeuppance. However, people should realise that blaming the crime on religion is pointless; there are countless Muslims worldwide who disapprove of their actions. Contrary to popular belief, Islam actually encourages peace, but what I fail to understand is why certain clerics who claim to hate the United Kingdom continue to reside in the country whilst receiving benefits. Why is the government allowing them to stay in a land they plan to bomb to pieces? This is where I get controversial, but I agree that the United Kingdom is too tolerant for its own good - if a British Christian preached hate in Saudi Arabia he would not live to tell the tale. Adebolajo stated that he had murdered Rigby as revenge for "[killing] Muslims in Iraq and in Afghanistan", but have we all learned nothing since September 11? Hate breeds hate. As for all those terrorists, you can take our lives, but you can NEVER take our freedom.

Whitney Houston Remembered

2012-02-16T17:04:00.001+00:00

Long before I heard the tragic news last Sunday which made headlines all over the world, I always asked myself; what went wrong? She was one of the greatest singers of all time, and perhaps the last of the greatest singers of her generation. Just as we were beginning to think that her even greater comeback was yet to come, the unthinkable happened. Just six months after the untimely demise of Amy Winehouse and two years after Michael Jackson's sudden departure, she was gone. Who saw it coming? What went wrong?

Whitney Elizabeth Houston had it all - beauty, elegance, charm, and most importantly that voice, a belting voice which sounded mature beyond her years without making her seem old-fashioned and was able to reach our hearts without the use of Mariah Carey-style over-the-top vocal aerobics. A voice that would later be imitated but never duplicated by future X Factor contestants. She may not have been the greatest dancer but hits such as "How Do I Know" and "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)" secured her future as a true pop diva while filling dance floors everywhere. However, it was her power ballads that made her legendary, ballads which included "Greatest Love of All" and "Saving All My Love For You". Who could forget her biggest hit "I Will Always Love You"? Originally sang by Dolly Parton, Whitney made the song her own, which in turn made her an even bigger superstar. A truckload of awards which she added to her already crowded cabinet promptly followed. Had she been involved in the song-writing process, she probably would have matched the previous record of future superstars Lauryn Hill, Beyoncé, Amy Winehouse, and most recently Adele, all of whom would clean-up at the Grammys.

Whitney had it all. She was at the top of her game. But as most survivors know, once you're up there's only one way to go. Some superstars gradually go down with grace and dignity, others fall fast. Whitney belonged in the latter category. She came, she saw, she kicked some arse (I'm British, so I spell that word the British way). Then she landed with a thud.

1992 - the year The Bodyguard soundtrack was released - was also the year she shocked fans all over the world by marrying bad boy Bobby Brown. It was unbelievable; America's sweetheart spending the rest of her life with a guy whose reputation was as foul as his values (Already a father of three children, Bobby had fathered one of them while dating Whitney). For a while we all wished them the best and the couple gave us the impression that their marriage was strong but no-one was fooled. As Whitney continued to shine, Mr. Brown found himself playing the role of Mr. Houston as his own record sales failed to match his wife's success, and judging by his constant scowls in photos of the pair, it was clear the he was jealous. Towards the end of the nineties, there were rumours of drug-use; gossip which was not helped by images of Whitney's skeletal frame which was a matter of concern, yet Whitney denied the rumours by famously stating in an interview "Crack is whack". Unfortunately she was living in denial. Eventually she confessed that the rumours were true, duly divorced her husband, returned to the studio, and emerged with her highly-anticipated comeback album which did better than her previous album, but failed to gain a Grammy nomination. Years of drug-use had taken its toll on her once outstanding voice, and her worldwide tour was panned by the public who had once worshiped her. Still, this was Whitney Houston. She was going to bounce back, or so we thought.

Now Whitney is gone.

What went wrong? Was she a victim of her own success - success which had not prepared her for future downfall? Clive Davis, who had nurtured her from the very beginning, continued to support her through the bad times and till her dying day, but how many people around her were genuine? The music industry is full is fakes who will build you up and chew you up while filling their already bulging pockets, as Britney Spears would confirm. Talent will only get you so far in the world of entertainment, a world that is so fickle and full of jealousy - even her own green-eyed husband made her life hell over her popularity. She also tried to please so many ingrates. The Black American community constantly criticized her for being a cross-over mainstream artist. Translation: "You're trying to be White" - a accusation not helped by the fact that her love-interest in the "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" video was Caucasian; at the 1989 Soul Train Music Awards she was heckled by an angry crowd who screamed "Oreo!" at her as she walked towards the stage, which was a reference to the popular American cookie, black on the outside, white on the inside. Sales of her next album, the Urban-flavoured "I'm Your Baby Tonight" failed to match the success of her first two smashes. The people who gave her a hard time should be ashamed of themselves - at least she was trying to break down barriers but they still ridiculed her, which shows how seriously they took Martin Luther King's words of wisdom. She couldn't do anything right in anyone's eyes, despite the accolades, and it broke her.

Was it the drug-use? As a Sun newspaper reader said yesterday, "It's very sad she's died but the real Whitney left the world behind a very long time ago". Her disastrous performance on the UK X Factor in 2009 proved that all that Whack Crack smoking had ruined her voice. What pushed her into drugs in the first place, the pressures of fame?

Was it her turbulent marriage to Bobby Brown? While I am not blaming him for his ex-wife's downfall, we can't help but notice that her problems started after their high society wedding. Add to that the trashy reality show the couple starred in - was it a true reflection of their marital life? According the recent reports, Whitney had only married Bobby to hide the fact that she was a closet lesbian. Prior to dating Bobby and comedian Eddie Murphy, it was said that her actual love was close friend Robyn Crawford who reportedly fought like a jealous lover whenever Whitney was in a relationship with a man. Gay rights activist Peter Tatchell had said that she was happiest in the eighties with a female partner ("Perhaps her inability to accept her same-sex love contributed to her decline"). I don't support Tatchell's decision to 'out' Whitney so soon after her death, but if the rumours were true, it's a pity, because while I believe that she should have been true to herself, there is no doubt that several fans would have been disappointed. Football Justin Fashanu came out during this time and dearly paid for it. It's so sad that certain people are, in the words of Lady Gaga, Born This Way, but could face prejudice which would eventually ruin them, but hiding in the closet could lead to even bigger problems. Either way, they can't win.

As Whitney continues to inspire a new generation of singers, let us remember her life and learn from what transpired. Deep inside she was a good person who got lost along the way, but she still touched us all. She will be missed. There will never be another Whitney Houston.

Jessie Wallace

2011-09-02T18:04:00.000+01:00

She waited a long time to find her Prince Charming, and when he finally arrived everybody was happy for her. At last she was with a man who wanted her for just her, as opposed to her money or fame, or both. She was famous as Kat Moon in Eastenders, a role she made her own while he owned a catering business. She waited for the day she would walk down the aisle, exchange those vows, and live happily ever after. She had put all of her heart and soul into those dreams, so she expected nothing but the best. And who could blame her?.

Unfortunately, not all dreams come true. On Sunday, we Brits woke up to the tabloid news that Jessie Wallace's fiancé had been having an affair with an ex, with whom he exchanged naughty pictures via phone including a 'private' shot of Jessie, while claiming that he and his wife-to-be were breaking up. At the same time, he and Jessie had posed for OK! Magazine and declared their undying love for each other. Make up your mind, dude. Did you want to marry Jessie, or didn't you? The whole situation was a dilemma for Jessie, but while most people loath having their private lives splashed across the tabloids, I believe that The Star did Jessie a favour.

I'm glad that Jessie cancelled her wedding on the day they were actually supposed to get married; serves him right. If you think that cancelling a wedding is expensive, try divorce. And who can blame her? Yes, it hurts to find out at the eleventh hour, but what if she hadn't found out at all? By dumping him very publicly, she has shown that she is a strong woman (unlike a certain former X Factor judge), and she will get through this. Shame on all those who sent her hate mail simply because she acted with a great deal of sense - why should she talk it over with him when the damage is well and truly done? He had no respect for the relationship and definitely no respect for her when he decided that Jessie wasn't enough for him. In fairness he has defended Jessie by stating that none of it was her fault, and he's right. Which man who is truly in love dreams of anything as tacky as a threesome?

Jessie will get through this.

PS - If you readers must take nude pictures, make sure they're headless!

Grudges - Are they really worth it?

2011-08-24T18:38:00.001+01:00

Two months ago I wrote an article on famous snobs using a former GMTV presenter as an example, but I forgot to mention actor Erik Estrada who is best known as one half of "CHiPs", the show which launched him to international fame in the Eighties. He has since reinvented himself as a reality contestant, appearing on rubbish shows such as Britain's Worst Driver, but is perhaps best known as the brunt of George Lopez' "F*** that Puto" jokes. Years ago, a young Lopez was star-struck when he learned that his TV idol was shooting an episode of "CHiPs" in his neighbourhood, and longed to shake Estrada's hand; at the time he was regarded as a hero by the Puerto Rican community in the Americas due to his status as one of the few Latinos on Prime Time television. Unfortunately, poor Lopez was snubbed, and this has led to frequent anti-Estrada jibes on Lopez's talk show ("I made it without your handshake, motherf*****... f*** that Puto!"), and uses this to warn fellow celebrities to always respect their fans as they do not know who their fans will be in future. Indeed, Lopez is now a big star, albeit only in the Americas, while former international star Estrada is now... Erik Who?

Apparently Lopez had been eating some greasy fried chicken when he met Estrada, but that was no excuse for the latter's rudeness - if you don't want oily hands, pat his head...or sign an autograph...or both. Better yet, shake his hand and wash yours, but you should never disrespect the people who put you put you where you are. As an individual who was in a similar situation recently, I can see why Lopez is furious, but must he build his whole career on those now dated "F*** that Puto" jokes? He is now famous and successful in his own right, so why not let it go? Yes, after writing that article on rude celebrities, I should be taking my own advice, I know. Until recently I was hanging on to the bad things that had happened to me in the past, and compared to what certain people experience (Wars, earthquakes, famine, etc etc) it was nothing major.

Years ago when I left the United Kingdom to live in Nigeria I was an easy target for bullies due to my height, accent, clothes - and later boobs - and thus began the vicious taunts and bitching. There was a family in the neighbourhood who had a reputation for being overly religious but in reality half of them were snobs and the other half were bullies; one of them actually told the other kids on our way from school not to have anything to do with me. What made everything worse was that the head of that family was a big shot in the company where my father worked, and as a result they were treated like gods. I'm not being horrible, but I know for a fact that the man was a womanizer; he used to hit on one of my cousins, yet his family paraded themselves as angels on the face of this earth, while my only crime was being tall and speaking perfect English, and for that I was treated badly. What a bunch of hypocrites.

Today, years later, I actually feel sorry for them, and it’s not just because some of the children have since passed away. Sometimes bullying is a sign of insecurity, although I'm not sure what triggered those feelings towards me. Even then I was bitter for years; when the news of their death was broken I showed no emotion whatsoever. My mother was furious with me but I didn't care - to me they had all died long before they actually kicked the bucket. And boy, I hated the surviving members so much. Quite rightly, but what are the benefits of holding a grudge? Granted, some people do not deserve to be forgiven (Hitler, Satan...) and yes, even God Himself gets angry, but like George Lopez and me, we sometimes take it too far. By being bitter, we are no better than the people who have caused us harm; if anything we are just the same. And by completely banishing that family for every single aspect from my life and hating them with a passion, I was paving the way for even more hatred toward anyone who I felt had wronged me. Now I've seen sense I can't believe that I lived like that. Why did it take so long? Research has proved that an unforgiving heart could cause certain physical ailments such as blood pressure and anxiety. I should also add that being bitter gave me a hard exterior - people have actually said to me that I look so serious, they are scared to even say hello to me...until they discover that I am actually a big kid at heart. What a shame.

During my finals years in Nigeria just before before returning to the United Kingdom, I read about a man who had been having a secret affair with a female colleague who longed for him to leave his wife and children for her, which he refused, leaving her frustrated and out of spite she revealed the true nature of their relationship to his wife who took the news really badly and promptly left her marital home, taking her two children with her. After countless pleas from extended family members - in Nigeria where polygamy is legal it is sometime considered a disgrace if a woman leaves her husband - she agreed to return to her husband. Unknown to everybody, she was secretly hatching a plan to ruin her cheating husband, who by now was regretting the affair. One morning, while he was ironing, his wife walked up to him and claimed that she hadn't forgiven him; she had only returned for the sake of their children. Her husband simply ignored her and continued his ironing. Little did he know that he would soon be part of an even hotter situation... literally. His wife had secretly struck up a friendship with his half-brother with whom he was engaged in a bitter battle for their late father's estate. He was paid to burn down his rival's house while the family was away on holiday in Abuja. What he didn't know was that they had missed their flight and were forced to return home before catching another flight the next day. Halfway through the journey back home, the man remembered some important documents he had to prepare, and stopped at his office for the night while his family drove home, only to be told that it had been brunt to nothing overnight with his wife and children still indoors. The woman had allowed an unforgiving heart to ruin her life; unfortunately her innocent children had to suffer as well. The half-brother later confessed, but no charges were pressed as both men felt that the battle had raged long enough, and were thus able to put their differences aside. As for the secret girlfriend, she later discovered that she was pregnant and while her now-widowed lover accepted the baby he refused to marry her, despite her pleas - she had contributed to the whole situation in no small way.

It is not always easy to see the good in people who have hurt you - and sometimes we are bitter over petty issues as I was - but we all have to move on and forgive. If you want to make the world a better place, it has to start with you. We shouldn’t always wait for karma to prevail. I'm not going to lie, I still find it hard to let go...a lot. But I'm getting there...

Jemma

Yep...I'm Back!

2011-08-11T17:55:00.000+01:00

Yes, I've been away for over a month now because I've been really busy. But so much has happened since my last entry. The massacre in Norway. Amy Winehouse's death. Me graduating. That's right, I'm now Jemma Bond, BA (Hons)! Unfortunately, due to the uncooperative nature of my personal tutor, I was refused a reference, and as a result I have to wait one whole bloody year before starting the teacher training course. Until then, I have no idea what I'd do for work. As for this blog, this is one of the finals entries made from Roehampton University, which I will miss.

In a way I was depressed because this blog does not have that many readers...and I only have two followers - including myself. At least the Danes took the time to read my DK X Factor reviews, but my fellows Brits didn't care about my Britain's Got Talent entries (a prophet is never welcome is his hometown...not that I'm a prophet, mind!). But what the heck, as longer as I write and pour out my feelings, am I bothered? Whatever happens, I'll continue to write. And as I move onto a different phrase of my life, the stories are sure to get more interesting.

Thanks to all those who care.

Ryan & Imogen - A Disgrace!

2011-06-06T18:19:00.010+01:00

If you were born with beauty - eye-catching beauty that makes men go completely gaga and women envious - you truly are lucky. If you were both with brains, then you are even luckier (Yes, you might disagree with me, partly because these days the media seem to pay more attention to exterior as opposed to interior, but it should be noted that with time, looks fade). If, however, you are one of the lucky few to be blessed with beauty and brains, you truly are a rare gem. After being forced to see her plastered on every single magazine cover which feature articles of her whining like a spoilt brat who refuses to accept that her predicament was her fault, it is clear which category former Miss Wales Imogen Thomas falls into - beauty without brains.

Any girl with more than at least two braincells - attractive or plain - possesses enough common sense to understand that a married man is totally out of bounds. I don't care if cracks were showing on the walls of Ryan Giggs' marriage; he was still married, which meant that until he announces a separation from his wife he is a no-go area. Ryan did not announce any separation; he chose to hold on to his golden boy image whilst playing the dotting father/husband, and parading his two young children in front of loyal fans at post-match celebrations, with his wife standing by her husband. A husband who probably spent more time away from home than he spent with her. What we all didn't realise was that behind the good guy image was a hypocrite, who made a living off his good guy image. Imogen fell for him, knowing that he was married, and had an affair which was reportedly "more than just sex". She's right, it wasn't just sex - it was money, because as soon as she realised that the relationship was not going in the direction she wanted, Imogen threatened to sell her story (What is it with these glamour models who 'shag-and-sell'?), and promptly blackmailed Ryan for £50,000. Classy.

And to think that she has the nerve to appear on breakfast television, crying about the injunction and stating that she has been thrown to the lions. Somebody needs to tell her that she did that to herself. If her affair with a married footie player had been right - and it most certainly wasn't! - she wouldn't have been so secretive about it. Imogen is a beautiful lady who could have bagged a decent man if she had acted with more sense, but she acted foolishly by dating a married man...and today she continues to pay. I almost feel sorry for her; recently she tweeted "I just want to curl up and die", which is quite understandable as dealing which such negative pressure is hard. Having said that, if she expects the whole nation to rally round her, she can think again. When she was sleeping with Ryan, did she at any point stop to think about Ryan's wife and kids? She has played the piper and the tune has been called - whether she likes it or not, she has to dance.

I have to say, Imogen is very lucky to have the support of her parents; if I had behaved like that, honestly, my father would have disowned me, and that's not a joke. Does she honestly think that she's the only girl to be chased by a married man? Years ago, I met a guy who claimed to be a Newcastle native, and even though he sounded more Peckham-ish than Geordie, I failed to realise that there was a possibility than he could have lied about other things because I was so stupidly naive. I once took the day off work to entertain him where I lived. I cooked a scrumptious meal. I threw a tub of ice-cream into the freezer. I rented a DVD from Blockbuster. Then I waited. And waited. And called his phone, which was switched off. This was one of his many 'absenteeism's' I was forced to put up with. This was when it occurred to me that he could be seeing another unfortunate girl. My suspicions were confirmed when, a week later, a received an angry text from his wife, who warned me to be careful whose toes I was treading on. She needn't have bothered; I immediately replied, promising to chop his willy off if he ever came near me again - and believe me this was no empty threat because I would have used a knife to change him from a rooster to a hen! Speaking of his willy, I can happily confirm that he never used it on me because we were never intimate (Thank God!), but I was still really angry. Honest to God though, if I had known from the beginning that he was married, I would have told him to go to hell. Call me what you like, but I am not a home-wrecker. Imogen, however, knew that Ryan was married, but she still slept with him. Now that's one man who should be castrated!

Millions of boys all over the world look up to these Premier League football players (What exactly is so 'premier' about their bed-hopping league?) - is this the example they are setting for these kids? A few years ago, a pastor in my church complained that his little nephew would ignore his calls and even refused to acknowledge his uncle on one occasion, but continuously announced to anyone who cared to listen that Michael Essien is his real uncle. Michael Essien? This is a guy who generated numerous column inches thanks to his numerous affairs and drunk driving charges. Don't tell me that kids are too young to understand the bad side of his character, because these days kids know too much (I first knew that boys and girls are different when I went to the seaside when I was eight , ha ha!). And who are they learning from? Exactly, the role models. And one of them happens to be Ryan Giggs. I also blame the clubs - most of them try to shield their players from any grief the media may throw at them, not because they care about the players - and believe me they don't - they simply protect the players to protect the club. Who was Giggsy fooling when he enforced that injunction? As my mother says, there is no secret under the sun. While the injunction was only effective in the United Kingdom, the Irish press had a field day - no pun intended - printing his name, and several people in the UK have access to continental papers, so Ryan was simply wasting his time, and it was just a matter of time before he was exposed. Come to think of it, it didn't take much time. Serves him right.

And as if that isn't enough, new reports claim that Ryan had an affair with his brother Rhodri's wife. Is he for real? Ryan reminds me of the biblical rich guy who had loads of farm animals, but stole an adopted lamb from his poor neighbour which was promptly served to a hungry guest. Ryan had it all - talent, looks, money, and a beautiful family, but he clearly wasn't satisfied. In comparison, Rhodri ruined his chances of becoming a famous football player like his brother, but has since accepted the situation while living a moderate life with his own wife. What he didn't know was that Ryan had reportedly slept with his own wife as the most privileged Mrs. Giggs was celebrating the birth of her child. She is quite an attractive woman who doesn't seem to be caught up in that WAG rubbish; why wasn't she enough for her husband?

And he still has the nerve to say "What the f*** [you] going on about? This has been the worst [two] weeks of my life!!!" Well trust me Mr. Giggs, it's about to get even worse; just ask Tiger Woods.

Ryan & Imogen are a disgrace. And they deserve absolutely no sympathy. Because if you play with fire, you get burnt!

Do you agree with me, or do you think I am too harsh? Please comment. Especially that reader from Mountain View - thanks for reading my blog! If you're not on Blogspot, simply use the anonymous link to reply. See ya!

Rebecca Black is Annoying!

2011-04-05T15:54:00.009+01:00

Once in a while, we encounter somebody/something that is so annoying that we pray that it would leave our minds and lives the very moment it makes an appearance. It could be an irritating advert on television ("Go com-paaaaaaare!"), a strict teacher at school who gives too much instruction without actually teaching (yes, they do exist!), that gorgeous out-of-this-world boyfriend who continuously picks his feet/nose as you both snuggle up on the sofa (God forbid!), Lady GaGa (do I really need to explain this one?), or a tune that's so catchy, it rapes the hell out of your ears.

Speaking of the latter, there is a song on youtube that is currently getting on everyone's nerves, yet it has received more hits than the "Bed Intruder Song", which I wrote about a couple of months ago. The difference between the two is that Antoine Dodson's unconventional attempt was aimed at the rapist who had attacked his sister in her own home, but it still managed to be infectious while carrying an important message, and Dodson doesn't take himself seriously, which only adds to his appeal, bless him. Rebecca Black, on the other hand, is trying so hard to become a serious artiste with the heavily-auto-tuned "Friday" and fails woefully, but for some bizarre reason she last week managed to obtain more hits than Dodson, although judging by the comments left by angry youtube users, people had only logged on to heap insults on Rebecca. And who can blame them?

The song's video commences with Rebecca waking up in the morning looking tousled but cute. Seriously, who on God's earth looks that good so early in the morning? She even wakes up singing with a suspiciously auto-tuned voice, and wastes valuable lyric space by singing about cereal. Honey, if you ate porridge as opposed to Frosties every morning - oatmeal as opposed to Frosted Flakes if you're American! - you'll be less hyper, and sane enough not to record that stupid song. Just as you are beginning to think that you have seen/heard the worst, she stands at the bus stop waiting for a bus - of course - and ends up with a convertible driven by a gang of underaged teenagers (in England you could be prosecuted for parking in a space meant for buses). Instead of acting like a responsible girl and urging them to return their father's car, she ponders over whether to take the front seat or the back seat. Here's my advice, love - take the bloody boot (trunk if you're American)! As if that's not enough, three of the back seat occupants, including Miss Black, loose the seatbelts and proceed to dance while the car is moving at top speed. A couple of years ago, a Diet Coke commercial featuring British singer Duffy was pulled from television because she was cycling without a safety helmet. What was the "Friday" video director thinking? Cut to the guy who looks like he's in the wrong video, rapping about everything and nothing; his street cred just flew out of the window, ha ha! And whoever teaches this girl English should be shot; there's a line in the song that goes "We so excited". Really?

All this while she sings the most annoying, soulless, useless lyrics you ever heard. Even Jedward are better than her...by far!

Danish version

People have made fun of Justin Bieber for months, claiming that he can't sing, which is a lie because although I do not own his album, I know that he is talented, really talented - he can sing. Maybe they are just jealous because he became so successful so soon. Same with Lady GaGa, who may be equally irritating, but is without doubt a true artiste who deserves all the success she now has. However, if the same thing happened to Miss Black based on this song alone, then music the world over is doomed because let's face it, she probably hasn't worked as hard as Bieber or GaGa - or the X Factor finalists. Instead she is yet another puppet whose strings are being manipulated by an evil Svengali... oh dear.

If those youtube users hate her that much, they should stop leaving those horrible comments because by doing so, they are indirectly watching the video, and thus making her more famous. Don't get me wrong, even I myself am a fan of cheesy poppy music (I have a Jedward poster on my wall at home - honest!), but there is annoying, and there is annoying. At least the tuneless twins from Dublin are entertaining while refusing to take themselves seriously, but the song "Friday" has no redeeming qualities...at all. "Friday" is not a song; it's perversion and masturbation as far as music is concerned - get rid!

Jemma Bond x

DK X Factor - The Final!

2011-03-28T14:49:00.004+01:00

The final is here - hooray! I had always wondered why the DK X Factor's stage was small, compared to the one here in Britain. Now I know why - they saved the best for last, and it really was the best! Half of Denmark turned up to see their favourites battle for the top prize in a massive stadium, and didn't seem to mind standing up for most of the show. The host looked more Grecian than Nordic in that stunning dress which was made even more spectacular with the hairstyle she chose than night (I love Danish designers!). Even the contestant's entry theme was 'rocked up', and the judges sipped on wine as opposed to water during the performances - why don't they do the same here? Simon Cowell, you once said that you would like the UK finals to be held at the Wembley Stadium; why haven't you made that happen?

The finalists were Sarah (Denmark's Ellen DeGeneres), Babou (Denmark's Justin Bieber), and Annelouise (Denmark's Kate Moss), but I would have liked to see Patricia - much as I love Annelouise, I didn't think that she would ever be in the final. I also think that Rasmus was robbed - I miss the funny way he pronounces English words! Speaking of rejects, in true X Factor tradition, some of this series' most memorable contestants sang on stage, and compared to their British counterparts who sang "Bad Romance" last year, they weren't that bad. Perhaps they could work on their vocals and come back next year. The other live show contestants sang a techno version of "Time of My Life" and the judges joined them on stage, although I wish Pernille had sang along!

British band Take That returned - complete with Robbie Williams - to sing what has now become their unofficial X Factor anthem "The Flood". That's right, they sang the song twice during last year's UK X Factor, as well as on the Italian version. The band also got the chance to sing "The Kidz" which was banned by Simon Cowell on the British version because the shields carried by the extras were reminiscent of last year's London riots; it was feared that the performance may have caused offence. I don't understand why Robbie's voice is often criticised, I think he sounded great, and I'm glad that unlike the time he performed "Bodies" on UK X Factor 2009, he behaved himself!

Babou sang "All the Right Moves" as if his life depended on it, bless him. He also looked good in that suit, and while I think that he dressed properly for a change, isn't that sort of styling a tad too old for him? Just as I was beginning to wonder what had happened to annoying pop band Aqua, they made an appearance on the show to sing with Babou. Soren and Claus are obviously older but look hotter than ever! Lene, on the other hand, is still getting on my nerves. Seriously Lene, what were you thinking when you wore that weird ear-to-nose jewellery? And don't get me started on Rene! Nevertheless, they blended very well with Babou. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to get him into the final two position; didn't the batteries die on his teenage fan-base's mobiles?

I never thought that the Danish Kate Moss would be in the finals, in fact I thought she would voted off last week. I kept asking myself "Does she deserve to be in the final?", and I have to say that the answer is "yes". Her rendition of "Breathe Me" was excellent, in fact I don't think I've ever heard her sound this good. I was also happy that she was teamed up with an equally quirky but equally beautiful singer called Fallulah, who had an equally beautiful voice, if not better, but sang off-key in certain parts. Annelouise stunned her hardest critics that night, including myself, and although I miss Patricia, I'm glad that Annelouise made it that far.

Sarah's "Poker Face" was dull. I'm sorry, but the rock intro didn't work, and not even the techno session in the middle couldn't help her - what would Lady GaGa say? However, she more than made up for it when she sang "Shall We Be Grateful" with Danish rock band Carpark North. The lead singer said "Fuck" live on air - Danes say "Fuck"? Personally, I think Sarah should be even more careful the way she choses her songs. Apart from that, she rocks! Or is that techno-rocks?

As with most of the other contestants, Sarah and Annelouise sound even better when singing in their mothertongue, and although I'm not a Danish speaker, the song "Min Ojesten" - which means "My Darling" - sounded beautiful, although I think Annelouise sang it better, and based on that performance alone she should have won. Unfortunately there could only be one winner, and that winner was... (Drumroll) ...Sarah! Congratulations Sarah, and don't forget me when you're rich!

What an amazing two months it has been. This blog is still quite new, but in a short time I have received a lot of support from readers all over the world, particularly from the country that produced Lars Ulrich, Helena Christensen, Hans Christian Andersen and Carlsberg (Carlsberg don't do blogs, but if they did, they'll probably be the best blogs in the world!). Of course, Denmark also gave us Brits Whigfield and Aqua, but never mind, I forgive you. Thank you for the nice things you've all said, and here's to the next DK X Factor...

And please leave a comment on this blog, not on my Facebook page; if you don't have a blogspot password, you can use the anonymous link. Share your views!

tak og Gud velsigne

Bond - Jemma Bond xxx

P.S. - If you see Claus Lillelund from Series Two, tell him I think he's a hottie!

DK X Factor - No Charity single?

2011-03-24T12:15:00.003+00:00

According to a reliable source of mine, the producers of this year's DK X Factor have decided not to release a charity single, which I believe is a shame. Not only because I was looking forward to it, but because there is always somebody out there who needs a helping hand due to dire consequences. In the wake of the recent earthquake in Japan, people in the spotlight should use their celebrity status to help those in need, and while the X Factor contestants are not exactly celebrities - yet - they are in the spotlight, and the least they can do is release a single which their fans will buy - if they can stand on stand on stage and sing Cee-Lo's "F*** You" (Whose idea was it anyway?), they can enter a recording booth and sing for desperately-needed funds which could help desperate individuals. I know that Babou has a massive teenage following; his young admirers would have bought anything his voice featured on now that he's hot property, and we don't know how long his fame will last (Where is Mohamed from series 2? Such a good voice). Even if, God forbid, their post-X Factor careers are unsuccessful, at least they can honestly say in the future that in the past they used their fame to do good, and there's nothing better than doing good.

The last DK X Factor charity single "I'll Be There" was quite good but "You've Got a Friend" from series two was better. Their Dutch counterparts sang "You're the Voice" last year, and it was even better than the original! Come on guys, do your bit for charity!

Dutch X Factor 2010

DK X Factor - Semi Final

2011-03-22T22:38:00.001+00:00

Hello guys! I do apologise for the delay - I have been busy working, both professionally and academically, and on Thursday I was burnt out so badly I was sent home from school. Despite everything, I still managed to find time to watch the X Factor last week, and what a week I had!

Prior to the semi-finals, I worked at Chelsea Football Stadium during the Chelsea Vs. Copenhagen match last Wednesday where I served some very interesting customers. They smiled at me upon arrival, and I could tell that they were not British - they all had nice teeth (sorry fellow Brits, but it's true!), and one or two of them were quite hot (that's not to say that there are no hot guys in England!). Their accent confirmed what I suspected - they were Danish... and very pleasant Danes, too. Although they annoyed me when they locked the door to their private box when I went out to gather more supplies, they were all nice guys - our conversation included the current series of DK X Factor - and I really enjoyed their company; they had more manners than a certain television journalist over here called Ben Shephard who I served later that week - he was so rude (more on that soon). I even told them about this blog (nothing like word-of-mouth), and they promised that they'd log on to visit. So boys, if you are reading this, thanks for the tip! However, still I wish that my beloved Chelsea had won the match (that's right, I'm a Chelsea supporter!), and to all my Danish fans, sorry, I love you to death but I wish Chelsea had kicked your arse!

It was the semi-final on last week's X Factor, and the theme was DJ songs, although very few of them were actually 'DJ music', just well-known pop songs set to dance rhythm. As most of my readers are aware, I had been hard on Sarah for the past two weeks because I felt that she was slipping. However, she was really good when she sang "Sweet Dreams" this week - in fact she was excellent. Although her rendition of "F****** Perfect" was also outstanding, I have to repeat what I said last week: why are they swearing on a show like The X Factor?

Last year's UK X Factor runner-up Rebbecca Ferguson sang "Sweet Dreams" using a different arrangement. Who do you think sang it better?

Why does Annelousie have a deep voice when she speaks? I've never heard "Sweet Child O' Mine" set to dance music before, but the result was't bad quite, although I wish Kate Moss's long-lost Danish sister had moved around when she sang, because let's face it, it was a dance number.

Lucie Jones sang the same song on the British version of the show, and I got to see her sing it live during the X Factor tour last year. Who sang it better?

Babou just gets better every week, and this week he didn't disappoint. His song choice was "Baby"which, of course, was made popular by fellow teen singer Justin Bieber - perfect! A beat-boxer accompanied Babou, who added some impressive little dance moves to his act, just like the original singer. His performance during "DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love" was also entertaining, with even more dance moves. Could he win the show? Watch this space!

Justin Bieber sang "Baby" on the British version last year, but no prizes for guessing who sang it better because apparently, Justin was lip-syncing that night, unlike Babou who sang live!

Patricia, Patricia, Patricia... Why, oh why? She was a contender for the top prize, not only because of her performances which were often spot-on, but because she was consistent. I love Annelouise but I thought that she would leave the show this week. I have one thing to say to all those that voted: WHAT WERE YOU BLOODY THINKING? Did you not listen to her when she sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart" that night? I liked how she sang it - soft and sweet. Denmark, you really got it wrong with Patricia, but I pray that one of you gives her record deal - she deserves it.

One Direction and Nikki Evans have both sang the song on the UK X Factor. Have a listen...

This now leaves the competition with Sarah, Babou, and Annelouise, but I think that at this stage either Sarah or Babou will win (sorry Annelouise!). And guys when that happens, don't forget me when you're famous!

Farvel! xxx

DK X Factor - Live Show V

2011-03-12T22:05:00.147+00:00

One thing I noticed about this week's show is that most of the songs have also been covered on the UK version, and I'm still deciding which contestant on either show sang it better!

Just as I was beginning to wonder if they'd ever be a live group performance on the Danish show, the remaining finalists make my wishes come true by performing as a group. Hooray! And then I hear the song, which turned out to be Cee Lo Green's "F*** You" (Danes say "F***"?). Not "Forget You", which is the clean version, but "F*** You". It has been sung on the Australian and UK versions of the show, but they both chose the clean version; maybe they do things differently in Denmark, I don't know. Nevertheless, as a group they sounded pretty good, although in my opinion Babou was the best singer.

Which group sang it better?

DK X FACTOR (SERIES 4) "F*** YOU"

UK X FACTOR (SERIES 7) "FORGET YOU"

X FACTOR AUSTRALIA (SERIES 2) "FORGET YOU"

This week, the remaining five had to sing popular songs Big Band style, a.k.a swing, and I was curious to see if they'd do the songs justice because right now, I'm not sure if some of the contestants, particularly Sarah, are versatile. Turns out, the only person who sang a true Big Band song was Patricia. They should have simply called it Live Band... because that's all it was - a live band.

The female Jedward Rikke & Trine continue to annoy me; last week they performed while dressed as occult rejects. This week, they looked like bridesmaids, ha ha! The song "Riverside" reminded me of a typical Irish folk tune, but it was ruined by this almost talentless pair. I'm glad that they were voted off (finally!), but of course it now means that their mentor Pernille has no more acts left. The song has never been covered on UK X Factor, not even by Jedward, yay!

RIKKE & TRINE "RIVERSIDE"

In her white trouser suit, Sarah looked like Ellen DeGeneres, but even though the real Ellen can't really sing, at least she would have been entertaining if she had attempted this. Sarah disappointed me with her singing, which was dull. When I first heard that she was going to sing "The Climb", I wondered how it would sound Big Band-style. I needn't have bothered because it wasn't Big Band-style at all; if anything, it sounded a bit like a Soft Rock song. In fact, she should have sang this during Rock Week, which was last week. In general, Sarah sounded weak, and she is no longer my favourite to win (I wonder if she'll ever top her performance of "Come Together" during week two). In 2009, "The Climb" was also sung on the UK version by Joe McElderry, who went on to release it as a single following his victory as X Factor Series 6 champion.

Who sang it better?

SARAH "THE CLIMB"

JOE MCELDERRY, UK X FACTOR (SERIES SIX) "THE CLIMB"

Patricia's dress would have looked great if it hadn't been for that black strap draped across her shoulder, but she made up for it with her performance. The song "Feeling Good" is a favourite on the British version of the show; it has been covered by Danyl Johnson (Series 6), Rachel Hyton (Series 5), Beverley Trottman (Series 4), and Rebecca Ferguson (Series 7). Did Patricia do it justice? Yes, but she cheated in the beginning with the echo - did you hear it? She now my favourite! Unfortunately, there is no longer a video of Patricia singing "Feelin' Good", so in its place here are other X Factor contestants doing it justice...

DANYL JOHNSON, UK X FACTOR (SERIES 6) "FEELIN' GOOD"

BEVERLEY TROTTMAN AND RACHEL HYLTON, UK X FACTOR (SERIES 4 & 5) "FEELIN' GOOD"

REBECCA FERGUSON, UK X FACTOR (SERIES 7) "FEELING GOOD"

Babou's choice was "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera, which was a brave choice because anybody who attempts a Christina Aguilera song has massive balls; Jamie Afro also sang it on Series 6 of the UK version. Babou slipped at the beginning - apart from that he sang well that night. He is another favourite of mine; the problem is this: is he marketable? I know it sounds harsh, but remember Mohamed from Series 2? He released an album which was only a moderate success, despite his impressive vocals (my fellow blogger Music is the Door to the Soul - who thought that Mo was rubbish - will disagree with me, but who cares?) Somehow, I pray that Babou doesn't win, because Babou needs to gain experience from this show and work hard for at least a year before releasing an album, or people will compare him to Justin Bieber. Besides, there is always too much pressure on the winner to become a massive success, and something tells me that he's too fragile to handle it...

Babou and Jamie - who sang it better?

BABOU "HURT"

JAMIE 'AFRO' ARCHER, UK X FACTOR (SERIES 6) "HURT"

Finally, the girl who in my opinion is the most beautiful woman on the show - apart from Pernille who looked stunning in that black outfit - and one of the most beautiful women in Denmark: Annelouise (Seriously, what do Scandinavian mothers put in their babies' milk, because I want some!). Is it just me, or does she look like a curvier version of Kate Moss? Before the enraged e-mails start pouring in, I meant that as a compliment, and besides, that's how ALL women should look like - like women! Last week she was in the bottom two, but was saved by the judges. Unfortunately, it meant that Rasmus, who I now miss, was sent home...pity. This week, Annelouise's version of "Nothing Compares 2 U" started well, and I think she's becoming more confident about singing in English, but as she went into the chorous she began to bore me. It far a far cry from Nikki Evans' rendition of the song on Series 4 of the UK X Factor, in fact Nikki's version was better than the original by Prince...or Sinead O'Connor, whichever way you look at it, but I'll let you judge. Sorry, but Annelouise is not going to win. She entered the wrong reality show, and yes I've said it before and I'll say it again, she should be on Denmark's Next Top Model. By the way Blachman, you have a very cool home...I want that kitchen, and while you're at it can you cook for me, like you did for Annelouise?

Who sang it better?

ANNELOUISE "NOTHING COMPARES 2 U"

NIKKI EVANS, UK X FACTOR (SERIES 4) "NOTHING COMPARES 2 U"

I look forward to next week - now that the female Jedward have left, the contest can start for real. By the way, for all those who keep asking me "Who is Jedward?", here are the duo performing on Series 6 of the the UK version.

JOHN & EDWARD a.k.a. JEDWARD, UK X FACTOR (SERIES 6) "UNDER PRESSURE/ICE ICE BABY"

Watch the videos, and tell me who you think is better.

God bless Denmark. Farvel! xxx

DK X Factor -Live Show IIII

2011-03-06T16:05:00.012+00:00

Pernille, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Having said that, I probably would have made the same choice because Annelouise is unique. Rasmus, who was voted off this week, can always develop outside the competition, but right now, he's a tad ordinary. As for Annelouise, if the music profession doesn't work out, there's always Denmark's Next Top Model. But let's not talk about that now - what really angers me is that the female Jedward (also known as Rikke & Trine) are still in the competition - who is voting for them? Somebody please tell me that there's no voting scam in Denmark, because those girls are not that good, In fact, THEY should have gone this week, not Rasmus. I'm going to miss him, and his funny way of pronouncing English words - remember Week Two when he sang "...working for penis" as opposed to "...working for pennies"? It's been two weeks, and I still can get it out of my head; in fact, I'll never listen to Paul McCartney's "Drive My Car" in the same way again!

This week was Rock Week, and my first reaction was "Rock Week, yes, Sarah's week"! Has she done something to her hair? That aside, although her rendition of "Save Me From Myself" was good, it wasn't that good, and certainly not up there with her Week Two performance when she sang "Come Together". Even then, she did look like a rocker this week, particularly when she began to strum on the guitar (I couldn't hear it, though!). She reminded me of Jamie Afro from UK X Factor series six - as a rocker, everybody expected him to shine when he sang Queen's "Radio GaGa", but unfortunately he was dull, and his lack of popularity saw him booted off the following day. I'm glad that Sarah did not meet the same fate this week, but she really needs more work if she wants to win. She already has the popularity, but I've been watching the X Factor for years, and I know that there's a difference between popularity and votes. With Sarah, it's all about the attitude, but like I said, this is a singing competition.

I'm obviously not the only person who thinks that Annelouise is model material; the producers have noticed as well, which is probably why certain segments during her performance of "Creep" were filmed in Black & White, making her look even more stunning. That's right, Annelouise sang - all together now! - "I'm a creep... I'm a weirdo... I don't belong here..." On the British version of the X Factor, Brazilian oddball Wagner sang this song, and he was rubbish as usual. His mentor couldn't have chosen a better song because he didn't belong there in the competition, unlike Annelouise who definitely does! Having said that, like Sarah she needs more work because the start was good, the chorus was weak, and the ending improved, but only slightly. She is still in the show by the skin of her teeth because she was in the bottom two this week, so that has to be a wake-up call.

On to Babou now, the biggest shock of the night. When he walked on stage, I said "Can he really do rock? He's just a baby!", and before you mention it, yes I know that Babou is sightly older than Sarah, but who cares? The show's stylist should be sacked because the outfit was terrible (seriously, who wears a tie and a baseball hat at the same time?) When he opened his mouth to sing "Numb", I didn't think he'd be a rock singer, even though his voice was good, but when he sang the chorus I was impressed. Then came the ending, and he frightened me... but in a good way! Without a doubt, he is now a contender for the top prize. Keep it up, dude!

Woo-hoo! Patricia brought a Scandinavian feel to the very British "Song 2" by the very British band Blur - she reminded me of the lead singer of The Cardigans. I also liked the rings she wore - they blended very well with her tattoos. It's true that unless your name is Beyoncé or P!nk, you can't produce a clear sound while you sing and dance at the same time, but I would have loved to see her move a bit more, because all she did was stand on the spot, and most people begin to dance as soon as they hear that "Woo-hoo!" "Song 2" happens to be a rock song from the Brit-Pop era, but somehow Patricia made it sound like the type of pop song Katy Perry would sing. Oh well...

Not only did Rasmus look like a real rocker minus the unkempt long hair, in that stripy shirt he reminded me of Kurt Corbain when the latter appeared in the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video! In fact, I thought that Rasmus was going to sing the Nivana classic that night, but I was wrong. He did indeed sound like a rock star, but I think he owes the strong parts of his rather weak performance of "Black Hole Sun" to his backing band who also served as backing singers. He sang with a gritty type of emotion which I liked, but we've all seen it before, and he's now left the contest...shame. I hope to see more of him in feature though, because he really has something, we just didn't see it.

The female Jedward really annoyed me this week. First of all, WHAT WERE THEY WEARING? I've said it before but I'll say it again, SACK THE STYLIST! Second of all, why did the female Jedward and their mentor Pernille have human faces painted onto their hands? And that song was defiantly NOT a rock song ...at all. Before they walked onto the stage, I said to myself, "If Trine & Rikke can pull this off, I'll eat my hat", and I'm happy to say that I no longer have to decide whether I prefer my headgear with mayonnaise or ketchup - the girl's performance was rubbish! They had back-up dancers who all wore masks of Trine & Rikke, but they did nothing to conceal the fact that the girls are mediocre; with the usual singing-in-unison, the the hand art, the weird costumes, and even weirder dancers, the whole production made them look like cult rejects. Who is voting for them? Granted, Jedward were tone-deaf, but at least they were entertaining. These girls are anything but. GET THEM OUT!

Once again, a big thank you to the people who spared a few minutes to read this, and most especially the Danes who have sent me compliments. Mange tak.

Farvel!

DK X Factor - Live Show III

2011-02-28T15:00:00.014+00:00

First of all, a big thank you to the people of Denmark for being among my most loyal readers - and thank you for the nice things you've been saying about my posts. I would love to visit your country some day, and I really look forward to it. Not only do you have decent taste in music, you all have decent taste in blogs...even if I say so myself!

I am really into this year's DK X Factor, and my favourites are Rasmus, Patricia, and of course, Sarah. The only thing I find disappointing with this year's competition is that while there are some good-looking guys in it, I don't really fancy any of them...shame! Remember Lucas from series two? Yes, he's too young for me, but if anyone can pull off geek chic, it's him; he was cute. There was also Kasper Spring Ehlers of Alien Beat Club who is hot, and last year's winner Thomas Ring has a hotter arse! Sarah from the current series is beautiful; if I were a lesbian, I'd date her. But my biggest DK X Factor crush happens to be series two's Claus Lillelund. As most of you know I hate facial hair (what's the point in having a face if you continuously hide it?), but if he proposed tomorrow I'd happily except him, beard and all, but it looks like he's already been taken. How come all the guys I like are either taken or gay...or both?

This week the contestant sang entirely in Danish, which means that this week the whole show was in Danish - a challenge for me as I am not a Danish speaker, but hey, you know what they say, music is the universal language of the soul; real music has no boundaries, and as the forth judge of DK X Factor, I found that some of the performances were moving, although some performances were better than others. I'm glad that Ercan has gone though - what were they thinking when he was chosen, because seriously the guy was less than mediocre. So long, Ercan! And this week, so long JR!

Babou's song of choice this week was "De Første kærester På Månen", and let me tell you, Sarah and Patricia should really watch out because this young dude is really getting better - in fact, he's beginning to frighten me! His voice sounded soft yet powerful at times; even the audience clapped along despite the fact that he was singing a ballad, and when he hit those powerful notes, he brought the house down! He should stick to this type of singing in future, but then this is the X Factor and he needs to display versatility. All the same, well done Babou - Justin Bieber would be proud!

JR also surprised me this week, and I believe that this is the sort of music they should specialise in - Up-tempo dance...or whatever it's called. I wish there had been dancers in the background during the performance, but that's what I like about DK X Factor - they pay the most attention to music, as opposed to technical back-up (Jedward and Wagner from UK X Factor, take note!) However, the styling is still bad - this week they resembled two nerds trying to be cool in their father's high school outfits. SACK THE STYLIST!

Last week she played the piano; this week it was the harmonica. The beautiful Annalouise has had a slight change of image and looks absolutely stunning. I think she feels more comfortable singing in her mother-tongue, and it showed during her rendition of "Splittet Til Atomer". She has a future in music, but at this stage of the competition I don't think she will win. Another person who had a slight make-over was Rasmus. Dude, if you ever go back to blond hair, I'll fly over to Denmark and slap you myself; that dark hair made you look really handsome - not that you were ugly before! Rasmus didn't have the usual accent issues this week when he sang the rock-influenced "Superliga" (don't ask why!), and boy did he rock!

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for 'female Jedward' Rikke & Trine - just as they were beginning to get it right, they went back to singing in unison. It's not as if they can't sing, because they can, but they aren't working hard enough.

Before I continue, can I just say that it has long been established that Sarah is gay, and being gay is not the same as being male, and those sex-change comments were uncalled for. She may be only 15, but she deserves a medal for being so mature because she acted with grace; if I was Sarah, I probably would have stormed off the stage in a huff, but she didn't. That guy wouldn't have made those comments on the British version of the show, because trust me he would never have lived it down. Or maybe they do things differently in Denmark; correct me if I'm wrong. The name of the competition is The X Factor, not Spot the Lesbo, so that judge should act his age - not his willy length - and get over it. Sarah is really talented, with the right image to match. Voters seem to love her as well- what more could the producers want? All homophobes should go to hell, if they have a problem with law-abiding gays singing on their box, they should simply change the channel.

That aside, last week I heard Rasmus sing "...working for penis" as part of the song "Drive My Car". This week, Sarah sang something that sounded very much like "...f***ing star" when she sang Engel" (Isn't it supposed to be a family show?). Sarah played the guitar and the song sounded folksy, which shows how versatile she is. Still one to watch...

Patricia looked like Jessica Rabbitt on the night, and sang even better than the cartoon character; her voice can be best described as quiet power. You go girl!

Finally, Cutfather, you are supposed to lead by example. What are all those contestants going to think if they saw you dressing like that?

Got to go, Farvel!
Jemma

DK X Factor - Live Show II

2011-02-21T17:06:00.012+00:00

Hooray! The second live show of DK X Factor has taken place, and a big thank you to all my readers in Denmark! Last week soul group DeeVibez were the first to leave the contest, which I believe was unfair. True, they did not give the best performance that night, but some of the other acts were absolute rubbish (I mean you, JR!).
This week's theme was The Beatles, and some of the contestants did the songs real justice. By the way, I do not own a satellite; I watch it all on Youtube, and because I'm not a Danish speaker, I don't understand what the judges are saying. So I simply watch the shows and act as the fourth judge!

SARAH - This week, in her sharp suit she was a cross between Annie Lennox and P!nk, and she sang so much better than she did last week; if she keeps it up she could win. This is the first time I've seen a woman perform "Come Together", and it was pretty good, with all that attitude to match. Olly Murs and Matt Cardle sang the same song on the British version of the show, but it's hard to tell who sang it better. You decide...

RASMUS - Why was he using a retro microphone if he was going to sing "Drive My Car"? Dude, I love a Scandinavian accent, but in English pop songs it doesn't always work - just ask ABBA! At one point I'm pretty sure I heard you sing "...working for penis". Oh dear. Still, you have the potential to win.

RIKKE & TRINE - For once, the female Jedward of Denmark sang in harmony and even dressed different. However, their rendition of "Here Comes the Sun" was a tad boring. They do have some talent, but like their Irish counterparts, they are not going to win. GET THEM OUT!

PATRICIA - She sang "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", and her voice sounded a tad different this week. Somehow, I don't think the song suited her; she wasn't as good as she was last week.

BABOU - Despite a few bum notes, the lovechild of Mohammed Ali from series two and Justin Bieber sounded better than he did last week, and I loved his smile. He's becoming more confident (and more popular with the girls!), but his song - "Can't Buy Me Love" sounded like something from the Jackson 5 era; most people wouldn't have recognised it as a Beatles song. Babou is cute, though. Does he have a career away from the X Factor? Time will tell.

ANNALOUISE - This week, the modelesque lady showed off her piano skills as she sang "Golden Slumbers", which I had never heard before. I believe she could have a hit if she released it as a single because she sang it with emotion, and her voice went well with the lyrics. You go, girl!

ERCAN - He listened to my advice from last week and dressed appropriately, but unfortunately his performance of "Something" was lacklustre. By the way, is it just me, or doesn't he remind you of Twem, the 'French Jedward' who participated in the British version of the show in Series seven? I predicted that he would be in the bottom two, and I was right - he was the next contestant to leave the competition. So long, Ercan!

JR - Their styling improved this week, and so did the singing, but nothing special. They managed to involve the audience when they shouted "Come on everybody!"...nice one, lads. Why was their performance filmed in Black 'n' White, because I'm pretty sure colour had already been invented when "All You Need is Love" was first released...

Finally, I'm glad that this week judge Cutfather changed his wardrobe and dressed like a proper X Factor judge; last week he looked like a mechanic!

Until next week, farvel!

Jemma xx

Follow!!!!!

DK X Factor - Live Show I

2011-02-18T18:09:00.007+00:00

Despite being a resident of the United Kingdom, I have become a fan of the X Factor franchise in Europe, and I have to say, those continentals are really talented - they could teach some of our own contestants, especially Wagner from UK X Factor series seven a thing or two when it comes to music! However, it has to be said that this year's DK X Factor is not as good as series two - the series that gave us Linda, Mohammed, and my favourites Alien Beat Club. Nevertheless, I shall continue to watch the show because there are currently some good singers on it.

BABOU - If Mohammed from series two and Justin Bieber were to father a child together, the result would be this teen singer who performed Bruno Mars's "Just The Way You Are". Still, it has to be said that his voice is nowhere as good as Mo's or Justin's. To me, he's just another teenage wannabe who simply need more work, and should develop outside the competition because I believe that nerves are affecting him.

SARAH - When I learned that she would be singing a P!nk song I wasn't surprised, because she does remind me of P!nk - maybe it's the short hair and no-nonsense attitude. Yet her vocals were a tad weak. She could have done better, and I wondered why the judges were nodding to the beat...I would be stopping my ears with my fingers! Sorry Sarah, but a rockstar you are not.

PATRICIA - When I heard that she would be singing "You're the One That I Want", I said "Uh-oh, here we go...cheese!" But she really surprised me - good arrangement, perfect vocals. I like how she wore a simple dress and made up for it by singing with all her soul. She's a contender for the top prize.

RIKKE & TRINE - Think a slightly more talented female Jedward from UK X Factor series six and you get Rikke & Trine, who do nothing but sing in unison, with some double vision tricks on the side. Are they going to win? No.

ANNELOUISE - Pretty girl, pretty name. I think the song which she sang suited her voice but I would like to see her sing in English. Still, I'm glad that the producers of the show are nurturing 'home-grown songs'.

ERCAN - Dude, if you're going to sing a Justin Timberlake song, at least dress appropriately; wearing a suit and bow-tie for that sort of performance is wrong, you looked like a wedding singer from the 1970's. As for the singing... what singing? To me, you sounded like an Danish mouse that had its air supply cut off. You were rubbish!

RASMUS- He sang one of my favourite songs, "Chasing Cars", and he did really well, I liked his voice. However, he had accent issues. No, I have nothing against Danish accents, but I laughed when he sang the chorus - instead of "If I lay here", he sang "If I lay hee-yah", very creative! But hey, if it worked for Celiné Dion...

JR - They don't look like popstars, the styling was poor, and don't get me started on their voices. GET THEM OUT!

DEEVIBEZ - I had high hopes for these girls, but they failed to impress me with their rendition of Duffy's "Well Well Well". And what was with that horrible Afro wig the girl in the middle was wearing! Chose a better song next time, girls.

And finally, I saw last year's winner Thomas Ring performing his new single "Break the Silence", and I didn't recognise him at first. He looks and sounds like an established singer who has been doing this for years - what a difference one year makes! I present to you Denmark's next greatest next export...you heard it here first!

Take care

Love,
Jemma

I Love Ginger Hair!

2011-02-16T15:11:00.030+00:00

I once told a pretty buxom girl I met at the Guinness factory in Dublin that she had beautiful red hair, and although she did express her gratitude, I could tell that she hated it and I couldn't understand why. With her striking personality and Celtic complexion, her curly flowing mane couldn't have been a better shade, and I tried to convince her that red is beautiful, to no avail. As a black woman who occasionally wears ginger extensions I was envious, and for the rest of my holiday I saw many fiery-haired Dubliners who were obviously proud to be red(one of them attempted to steal my make-up bag at St. Stephen's Green, but I still thought he was beautiful). Would they still have that pride if they lived in ginger-phobic England?

For years redheads have been the target of pointless jokes ("What's the difference between a terrorist and a redhead?" You can negotiate with a terrorist"), vicious rants in the school playgrounds ("If you hate Ginger Harry clap your hands!"), and stereotyping ("Join the circus, you freak!"). Who can forget the Geordie family that was kicked out of their own neighbourhood for being flamed-haired? I agree with YouTube user Coppercab who rants in his video that people of all colours and creeds are accepted in society (albeit somewhat), while redheaded people are ostracised simply for being redheaded. In today's day and age, ginger jokes can be shared among Blacks, Jews, Arabs, gays, the disabled... yet the Commission for Racial Equality in the United Kingdom do not monitor these cases of discrimination. This is an organisation that is said to encourage equality, but fail to open their eyes to the fact that redheads are discriminated against by 'minorities'. What a bunch of hypocrites.

COPPERCAB "GINGERS HAVE SOULS"

The Welsh proverb "Os bydd goch, fe fydd gythreulig", means "if he's red haired then he is of the devil... ridiculous. Never mind the pickpocket I encountered in Dublin, some of the nicest people I know have red hair, and even though I'm not one of those nutter spiritualists, I can confirm that they are not Satan's offspring. And yes, they certainly do have souls! I remember when I watched the episode of South Park in which the boys accused their copper-haired schoolmates of being soulless. South Park may have a history of causing controversy, but haven't redheads suffered enough? The creators of that show should bear in mind that what starts as a joke on the box today could remain a playground taunt for years - and yes, ten-year-olds do watch South Park.
As that episode has shown, our bad example of Gingerism has crossed over to the other side of the Atlantic, which is a shame considering years ago I watched an interview with a famous American entertainer who stated that in America all the redheads are taken, but in England he can have flame-headed girl he wants. That was years ago. Today, as Coppercab shows us, being ginger is bad even in God's Own Country, not to mention Down Under - who can forget the character Jonah in Summer Heights High who came under fire from real-life parents after labelling gingers as "Rangas" short for Oran-Otang? Granted, there are countries such as France and Italy that worship copper strands, but for how long? These days people rave about being unique and edgy, which is fine, but if Lady GaGa is allowed to flaunt her weirdness, a trademark that has been imitated by fans worldwide, why is such a rare and wonderful thing as titan locks not, in the very least, accepted?

If all the idiots who bullied redheads were perfect themselves I probably would have understood their jeers and boos, although I don't think that's an excuse. The problem however, is that that no-one is perfect. We all have our imperfections - I know I do...or at least did...oh what the heck, I still do, but who cares? When I was younger I was teased by my peers for being able to look above their heads; that teasing turned into bullying, both in my neighbourhood at at boarding school where the girls would later poke fun at my physique - although I had started boarding school as a skinny girl (and I mean really skinny), my eventual curves soon became the new talking point. One Christmas when I was running across the school yard to catch up with someone, a few of the girls who were standing nearby began to sing loudly "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..." (I was unaware of a certain bounce my speed had created). Towards the end of my Secondary education, some really nasty girls yelled continuous references to the size of my bust, to the amusement of some roadside mechanics outside the school gates (Don't laugh, it's not funny). Today, I'm 5'11''1/2 with a size 34HH bust - not really big for a girl of my height, but they are so prominent people actually think I've had surgery - and guess what? I'm proud, because fashion models would kill for my height, and glamour models would kill for my boobs!

Remember when Jennifer Lopez brought enormous backsides back into fashion? Prior to that she did not have the shape women were 'supposed' to have in Hollywood, but today loads of women, including the tragic Solange Magnano, pay heaps of money to achieve that 'rear-ly' round appearance. As far as red hair goes, there as several role models out there, including Winston Churchill, Lily Cole, and Rupert Grint, and to all the gingers reading this, do whatever you want to do, because you are beautiful and you are capable. Even if red hair does not become tomorrow's latest fashion, make you beautiful mane work for you. Our imperfections sometimes make us unique. Better yet, our imperfections make us special. One day all those idiots who treat you like dirt will be old and grey, but at least you'll always be ginger, and they'll be envious. God gave you that hair for a reason, and I'm not just saying this because I love the colour. If a dark-skinned black person tried bleaching their skin to appear more 'acceptable', they wouldn't be fooling anyone because their true ethnicity would still be obvious, and the same goes for all redheads who dye their hair for the same reason - you might as well stop dying your hair, and be ginger and proud. If anybody makes fun of you, tell them to drop their pants in front of the whole school, and you'll find that at least 40% of them will forever live with the shame that their Fanta pubes secret has finally been exposed...duh! If they start that 'Kick a Ginger' rubbish, use your brain to kick them back, and kick them where it hurts the most - kick their fire crotches! And yes, there are girls out there who love redheaded guys ...and vice versa. The future's bright. The future's ginger.

Please respond to this article if you liked it - or if you didn't - because I would really love to hear from you all!

Re: Jedward For Eurovision

2011-02-12T18:35:00.007+00:00

RTÉ studios, February 11, 2011. Two brothers arrive on stage, sporting shiny red suits (what is it with these lads and the colour red?), and start to 'sing' as the critical Irish public observe, half in amusement, others shaking their heads in disbelief. The vocals are not particularly breath-taking, but as Cheryl Cole once said, there is something intriguing about the Dublin duo (the lads should have named their act Dublin Duo when they auditioned for the X Factor; the name sounds a tad better). They may not have been the champions of X Factor 2009, but they are definitely winners who continue to win to this day (Joe who?). Yes, alright then, their album sales were not impressive, but at least they are still in the news. And last night they were in the news yet again for all the right reasons.

John & Edward Grimes are representing Ireland in Eurovision 2011, and about time too! Ireland used to be the country every European nation feared in terms of music (they've won Eurovision seven times), but today times have changed - yes, we have supergroup U2 who continue to sell millions of records worldwide, but as an Irish friend once said to me, "Bono is a p***k", while Jedward are the nicest guys you would ever meet, or so I'm told. They are willing to work hard, and if given a chance they could do Ireland proud. No one knows if they will win, but they could be good for Ireland.
In recent years the Irish public got it completely wrong. Last year they were presented with a decent rock song written by Ronan Keating and sang by British television personality Justin Lee Collins, but for some reason the song was not even shortlisted. Four years ago folk group Dervish made it to the finals at Eurovision, but only just, and when they performed "They Can't Stop the Spring" I couldn't understand what the lead singer was singing; maybe something was wrong with the microphone. Seriously, was that the best song to be shortlisted that year? And who could forget Dustin the Turkey? Granted, his song sounded 'Eurovision enough', but he was a puppet. Louis Walsh, who was a judge during the selection process said that he didn't think the rest of Europe would get it, and for once he was right. Last year, they did send Niamh Kavanagh who failed to carry the trophy despite high hopes, but hey, thank God the Irish didn't send Boyzone member Michael Graham (sorry Mikey, I love you to death, but your song was rubbish!)

As I said the last time I wrote about Jedward, the contest has changed, and the participating nations should change with it. Gone are the days of the Johnny Logan's, the Dana's, and the Niamh Kavanagh's; the contest is now a camp-fest, and who better to represent than the twins? They are young, energetic, good-looking (although Johnny Logan was better-looking!), and have a very European appearance even if they try to sound American. One word of advise if I may: they really need back-up dancers because although Jedward are good performers, dancers make a difference. If they hadn't used all those movers during their tenure on the X Factor, they would have been sent packing in week one (sorry but it's true). They should stick to the red suits, though - red really makes you stand out. Even if - God forbid - they don't win Eurovision, they could be Ireland's biggest export since Guinness. Celiné Dion won it in 1988, and has since become Canada's biggest export since...what exactly?

Good luck Jedward! Win it for Ireland! What do you the readers think? Leave a comment; I'd love to hear from you.

Ice Ice, baby
Jemma

Jedward For Eurovision

2011-02-08T15:07:00.013+00:00

"How do you not smack them? I know all about annoying f****** brothers , but nobody comes close to them. What the f*** is happening to [music]? And what are those things on their heads?" - Liam Gallagher

They charmed their way into our hearts with off-key, long-forgotten cheesy melodies in front of thousands every night in the autumn of 2009. Their highly-gelled fringes were another talking point - was this look chic or cheap? And who can forget the night they performed "Oops...I Did It Again" where they were clad in red PVC suits, gazing into each others eyes and declaring their undying love for each other, thus prompting gossip that the duo were a gay couple despite being siblings, and twins for that matter (A recent video of one half of the duo dancing to "Single Ladies" in a red catsuit has done nothing to dispel the rumours.)? Their "Oops...!" performance was so cringe worthy the Irish Tourism Board was forced to apologise for any embarrassment caused and offered deals on Irish holidays to the seething British public.

Yet love them or hate them, no one could deny the entertainment value of these posh Irish twins who talk if though they constantly confuse Lucan with Laguna Beach; no one could say that they were not the highlight of The X Factor Series Six. They were never going to win the competition, but we all knew that John and Edward Grimes, who would later be known as Jedward, would be famous long after the show, albeit mostly for being famous as opposed to being talented (let's be honest guys, they can't sing). Unfortunately, due to the excitement generated by by the duo during their tenure on the show, judge/mentor Louis Walsh was determined to find a Jedward clone for the next series, and the closest he got to achieving this goal was choosing Brazilian warbler Wagner, and if you thought that Jedward were annoying, choosing Wagner took not only the biscuit but the whole bakery, judging by his size!

Jedward are annoying and - I hate to say this - not very talented in terms of music (comedian Alan Carr described older brother John as a "naughty little s*** on his show Chatty Man). Yet despite disappointing record sales they have done so much better than past X Factor contestants from the Emerald Isle: Rocker Tabby Callaghan is yet to release his long-awaited album; the voting public still haven't forgiven Phillip Magee for his rendition of "Johnny B Goode" during Series Two - the last thing we need is another Shakin' Stevens; the cute Eoghan Quigg failed to shift records despite his 'voting face'; The Conway Sisters, while talented and beautiful, were a tad dull, and even Shayne Ward (yes, he's Irish!) has been forgotten despite his performance on The X Factor last year...pity. But Jedward continue to annoy us...and boy do we love it!

The news that John & Edward have been shortlisted to represent Ireland at Eurovision 2011 came to me as no surprise. Granted, their entry "Lipstick" is hardly the best song on the list ( "Falling" is better), but then Ireland had a 'decent' song last year...and still failed to secure decent votes. In the last twenty years Eurovision has ceased to be a serious contest. Gone are the days of Johnny Logan; in its place is a camp fest of bloc voting i.e. Sweden, Norway, Denmark etc, and in the midst of the situation Jedward are the perfect candidates owing to their quintessentially European appearance and, of course, their ADHD performances which are more than appropriate for the show. The Irish public is quick to compare them with Dustin the Turkey; may I remind them that Jedward are actually human while Dustin is a puppet who probably didn't sing live. In addition, Jedward are an annoyingly cute duo who will definitely steal the hearts of girls all over Europe, just as they have already done in Ireland and the United Kingdom. I should know - I went to the X Factor tour last year, and at least 75% of the girls there - including myself - had come for Jedward, and Jedward alone. John & Edward are also among the nicest people you will ever meet in the fickle world of show-business, and that is a rare thing.

Eurovision 2011 is not Big Brother 2010 - let us not "ignore the obvious" (remember that task?). So what if they cannot sing? Most people in the charts today are talentless and lack the charisma the twins have. Let them represent Ireland at Eurovision, and if that fails, they should kiss their so-called music career goodbye and become children's television presenters. Ant 'n' Dec were singers after Biker Grove but later became Britain's most lovable Geordies, thanks to shows like SM:TV. Come to think of it, did anyone notice that during the twins first X Factor audition, Let's Get Ready to Rhumble was playing in the background? This could be a sign! Right lads, wrong profession...

Go Jedward, and good luck!

What's in a Name?

2011-01-21T19:34:00.018+00:00

Last autumn at my workplace in Epsom, a Cameroonian colleague told me that she had never heard the name 'Jemma' before. When I told her matter-of-factly that Jemma was not my real forename, her first instinct was to stare as if I had committed murder. This led to creating a scene, accusing me of 'denying my name' and stating that I ought to be ashamed of myself. As if I had not gone through enough embarrassment already, she called all the other workers and told them that Jemma was not my name before alleging that I was denying the original moniker my parents had given me at birth thus suggesting that I was ashamed of being African. From the time work commenced to the moment we all went home, she was bent on broadcasting it; even on the train on the way home, in front of all those passengers she blurted it out to a friend of mine I had not seen since my college days. Although only a token number of people came to work that day, she might as well have told a million people because she really made me feel small ...and all for no reason.

For those of you who have not actually met me in the flesh, my real forename is 'Ijeoma', an African name which means 'Safe Journey', and I used it for a long time before I decided to remove the 'I' and the 'O' - the second 'M' was added later. Apparently, I had been given that name because I was born in the United Kingdom, far away from my native Nigeria. However, I have to make some corrections to those ridiculous claims: a) It was I who told that girl my real name, no-one else - would you call that denial? b) It was my late uncle who had given me the name, not my parents because in those days that was the custom (stupid custom!) c) I can confirm that I am not ashamed of being black (as a teenager I preached against skin bleaching, a crusade I follow to this day, and d) Loads of people regardless of what colour they are respond to shortened versions of their name, so do not talk to me about being ashamed.

The name 'Jemma' does indeed sound Westernised, but by using it as an alternative name does it make me less black? My sister also uses a shortened version of her name which sounds English, and believe it or not she speaks fluent Igbo and is married to a black guy. In Akwa Ibom, if any man responds to the name 'Hogan', chances are his real name is 'Okon' (the late champion boxer Hogan Bassey was born Okon Bassey Asuquo, and he was as Nigerian as they come). I wonder if that girl has told any Caucasian sunbathers that they should be ashamed of themselves for 'trying to be black'; I would love to be present if that incident occurs, and I shall just lie back and laugh when she get lynched - serves her right!

On the last series of The X Factor, a British/American rock vocalist auditioned under the name Storm Lee. Simon Cowell accused Lee of choosing a stupid name and refused to call him Storm. His fellow judges described Cowell's behaviour as rude, and quite rightly too. Lee claimed that he wanted a stronger name to reflect on the new character he had created for himself, and to be honest, the name suited him - he could sing; it's a pity he was given rubbish songs during the live shows. He had entered the contest as a singer, but because of Cowell, people only remember him as The Guy with the Weird Name. By the way Mr Cowell, the name you temporarily chose for yourself - Lightning - is even worse!

Last year, when I applied for Britain's Got Talent, I filled in the forms as Jemma C. Bond (I was unable to use Jemma Bond as it had already been taken) - the 'C' standing for the first letter in my original surname, which was just as well, because they would have been unable to pronounce a ten-letter tongue-twister! Apart from that, it would not have fitted into the restrictive world of opera. However, if I had been asked, I would have explained to them the mystery behind the 'C'...and taught them the proper pronunciation! Besides, there are tons of celebrities who use a different name in order to push themselves out there, for various reasons. Actor Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez is better known as Martin Sheen, and while he is proud of his Spanish/Irish ancestry, his stage name has opened several doors for him in the tough world of show business. Nevertheless, he refuses to change his name legally. I feel the same way about my name too - I refuse to change my name via deed poll, but the name Jemma is more me. If anyone has a problem with it, it's your problem, deal with it, and stop giving me worse press than a murderer.

By the way, to that girl who told those horrible vile lies about me, search yourself; if I decide to use a shortened version of my name, it's no worse than you tattooing your eyebrows on - why not use the ones God gave you? In case you haven't noticed, this is multi-cultural Britain; loads of people shorten their names for the benefit of those who are unable to pronounce them. You cannot tell me that people in Cameroon don't do the same, so shut your trap if you don't know what you're talking about.

As they say in the Aviva commercial, "Sometimes, a change of name is a chance to show the world who you've always wanted to be". My name is Bond. Jemma Bond, and I'm black and proud. And you can take that to the bank.

Love, Jemma

I Hate McDonald's!

2011-01-18T16:32:00.023+00:00

Last week on my way to my local Argos in Croydon, I passed my former workplace, McDonald's (Croydon 2) and bumped into a former colleague. I was shocked to discover that despite her years of hard work, she was yet to be promoted, which I believed was unfair. I felt sorry for her, but I was also thanking God for delivering me from that place after five years of working like a slave, and with nothing to show for it.

This is not just a rant about myself. When you watch the McDonald's commercials, you see the workers smiling and acting happy. Unfortunately that is all it is - acting. I am not a fan of rapper Afroman, but I agree with his claim that McDonald's is "modern-day slavery". Those bosses behind the Golden Arches believe that they are doing their workers a favour by employing them, but they forget that they are human, hence the impossible tasks such as sweeping outside in the rain, forcing them to come to work despite flood warnings on the news, and threatening to fire them if they refuse to work without their sweaters on, despite the lack of central heating. They complain if they believe your efforts do not meet their standards, and they yell if you try to put in more effort (I'll never forget the day when a manager screamed in my face and in front of the diners after asked her if I could do some more cleaning before my break). Speaking of breaks, the bosses often send the workers to the staff-room five minutes after they start work; this is to "keep the labour down" or so they say, especially when there are hardly any customers. After their break is over, the workers are expected to work eight hours non-stop when the place is packed to the brim. And what are they paid? Next to nothing. During my time there, I only received a pay-rise was when the minimum wage was increased - and even then, my pay increase was still minimum wage! If that is not slavery, I do not know what else is. In the eighties, their tagline was "At McDonald's we've got time for you", but they never have time for their employees, and the customers they pretend to have time for are served rubbish food. What a bunch of hypocrites.

According to the website mcspotlight.org, "the production-line system deskills the work itself: anybody can grill a hamburger, and cleaning toilets or smiling at customers needs no training. So there is no need to employ chefs or qualified staff - just anybody prepared to work for low wages". Agreed. Despite the cruelty of those bosses, they expect their workers to smile regardless, but how they expect slaves to smile is beyond me. I know, using the word 'slave' is harsh, but you need to work there to understand what we go through.

It's no longer news that McDonald's food is genetically modified, but I was unaware of this until I left that horrible place. According to a Facebook user from Australia, the milkshakes are thickened with pig fat which also gives them their suspiciously smooth texture (how many other restaurants make milkshake that creamy?), and it may be true. Forget their unsuccessful Salad Plus menu which was launched following the release of Supersize Me, every single thing served in McDonald's is unhealthy...and unhygienic - sometimes they would add more salt than required to the fries while sweating into them. Some of the green leaves used in salads and certain burgers are treated with chemicals in order to obtain the right colour and texture. Their food is basically fat, salt and chemicals, and they make millions out of it, yet they say that the company is broke. Rubbish! The only reason they are closing down restaurants is because they are situated in the wrong places. Go to the town centres - people pig out there everyday, wasting their money on tasteless junk with no nutritional value when they could make a healthy sandwich in their own kitchens. Shame.

What about the children? I feel sorry for them. Many children today are growing up not knowing the taste of a real tomato because they eat ketchup instead, I kid you not. Years ago, on the Channel Four programme Jamie's School Dinners, celebrity chef Jamie Olivier was stunned when the children correctly linked the Golden Arches with the burger chain, but failed to name the vegetables Oliver displayed. At McDonald's, they are brainwashed with promotional toys which only last four months; these toys are courtesy of the so-called Happy Meals. Happy? Those children are growing, and require more than a sugary milkshake and fries. Unfortunately, due to the acquisition of those toys, they seldom ever finish their food, preferring to play with some useless gadget and a helium balloon. Who is to blame - the advertisers or the parents? Either way, it is true that the damage has been done, and children who do not dine at McDonald's in this day and age are 'weird'.

McDonald's is evil, McDonald's is the devil and the Golden Arches is the 666 of the catering industry. To my readers in the UK, if you want to taste a proper burger, go to any M&S that has a food hall. Yes, they cost a bit more, but at least they taste real, and the fries are baked, as opposed to fried. Better yet, make a sandwich on brown bread with healthy fillings. Better yet, go veggie (I'm still trying on that last one!).

If you are thinking of working there or simply eating there, one word: don't. Before then, here are ten reasons not to go to McDonald's:

The food is not real food - it's mere chemicals and fat
The food stinks so bad, you need a shower when you get home
The workers are actually slaves; eating there encourages modern-day slavery. SET THE SLAVES FREE!
The burgers are full is Ecstasy and AIDS
In some countries, the shakes are thickened with pig fat (seriously)
The strawberry milkshakes are coloured with beetles (Google it)
Ronald McDonald is a paedophile - parents you have been warned. By the way, how come we never see him eating the junk they serve there?
The Happy Meals are actually Crappy Meals
The customer care assistants serve the customers AND clean the toilets in the same uniform - and they are not allowed to wear aprons and gloves
The bosses are either cruel, racist, fat or lazy - some are all four

Love, Jemma

PS -What are your thoughts? Send a comment my way!

Bed Intruder Song

2011-01-17T15:14:00.020+00:00

Last week I was watching Rube Tube, a programme on Channel Four here in the UK which features unforgettable virals on the Internet. I first discovered YouTube in 2008 during my college days and I have since been hooked. There were so many interesting videos on the programme, although some were annoying and others were simply ridiculous; these included one made by a woman called Majela ZeZe Diamond which was so lewd, I am unable to post it on my blog. I will say though, that it has something to do with female anatomy. I am ashamed that the woman is from Nigeria, and I shudder to think about what will happen to her when she visits her homeland, because Nigerians are very conservative. Oh well...

What really caught my attention, however, was a viral which was originally an local news interview with project resident Antoine Dodson, whose sister had been attacked by a rapist. Had Dodson not intervened, it would have been a different story, but luckily his sister escaped unhurt. Despite the graphic nature of the incident, Dodson managed to turn the situation into a moment of humour when he used his rather flamboyant style to tell amused viewers "Well obviously, we have a rapist in Lincoln Park. He's climbing in your windows, he's snatching your people up trying to rape them, so you need to hide your kids, hide your wives, and hide your husbands [because] they're raping everybody out here" (as a former rape victim himself, Dodson knew what he was talking about when he encouraged people to conceal their men). The video soon became a YouTube sensation, earning Dodson instant fame worldwide.

The viral soon caught the attention of music quartet The Gregory Brothers, who were best known for auto tuning famous political speeches. With the help of their computer and the addition of a catchy melody, the TV rant, re-named the "Bed Intruder Song", became a hit on iTunes and reached cult status in America and Australia, eventually spawning countless parodies and turning Dodson into an even bigger star. The proceeds from the song were split between The Gregorys and Dodson, who reportedly saved enough money to move his family out of the projects. I heard this song two days after watching that episode of Rude Tube and now regret it because it is too catchy, and I am supposed to be studying! Here's the very song below...

...and here are the best parodies - and the bizzare...

Jokes apart, rape is a serious matter. The song has a serious message, but has it now lost its meaning? There are parodies with children singing the lyrics; that is what our world has come to - children singing about rape. That is wrong. Children should be children, and should not be allowed to sing about such issues. Having said that, there are so many weirdos who prowl after innocent children. Should this song be used to teach children about sexual abuse? What about the rapist - what happened to him? Dodson said they will find him, but to date that is yet to happen. As this song is so infectious, the rapist probably sings it in the shower while planning his next attack.

To the rapist, I hope that they do find you, and that they throw you in jail and throw away the key so you rot for 100 years - that would teach all rapists and pedophiles out there because these days rapist have it easy. That is what I like about the ancient Chinese - if they caught you raping anyone, they cut it off...and I am not talking about their heads. Seriously, there's no justice in this world.

That's all for now. Until then, hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your husbands. If possible hide your goldfish because they're raping everything out there.

Jemma

Gerry Rafferty

2011-01-10T16:42:00.002+00:00

My heart goes out to the family of singer/songwriter Gerry Rafferty who died last week. He was best remembered for the song "Baker Street", one of my favourite songs of all time. You may be gone, but you left us with some great music. Rest in peace. Love, Jemma

Peter Andre and Elen Rivas

2011-01-10T16:35:00.020+00:00

I am not a fan of Peter Andre's music, although I liked the song "Mysterious Girl" back in the day. After he bared his ridiculously fit abs in the video, he disappeared from the limelight to 'discover' himself afer his record company dropped him due to disappointing record sales, only to resurface in 2004 when he took part in I'm a Celebrity -Get me out of Here! Who knew that he would eventually marry glamour model, legendary bad-girl and fellow contestant Jordan? For years they were the perfect couple...or so it seemed. I remember watching a promo for their reality show on ITV2; in one episode Jordan was heard telling her gorgeous husband, "I’m the one making money Pete, so [of course] I can have it how I want...[it] hurts, doesn't it?...you're a old f***ing singer no one knows about". Such a shame, because Pete seemed to be a nice guy.

I support women working to the best of their potential and raking it all in if they can, but rubbing it in their husband's face is too harsh, especially if the husband is not earning much. Had it not been cancelled, Pete would still be presenting The Five O'Clock Show to this day - and he was really good at it. That aside, if he had been a lazy husband with no source of income, I would have understood Jordan's rant, but this is Peter Andre, a hard-working singer (granted, his songs don't stay in the charts for long, but at least he has a career, unlike Matt Peacock, a former boyfriend of Jordan who went on to marry her rival Jodie Marsh), and a devoted step-father to Jordan's disabled son Harvey - how many women are that lucky? Peter later told an interviewer: "I'm not jealous of anybody until Katie's drunk...but if she's been drinking, I know she's capable of anything. The devil gets inside her and she's a nightmare". Drinking may be a huge part of British culture, but Jordan should remember that she is a mother, and a mother should be an example. I'm not saying Jordan is a bad mother because she isn't, but there should be certain habits you have to let go of, and if you are a married woman, you should not behave like a single girl. Peter was only in the marriage for the love, which was why he signed a pre-nuptial ("I don't want anything from her apart from love") - good for you Peter. The pair are now divorced, and Jordan has reportedly said that she wants him back, even though she married cage-fighter Alex Reid less than six months after splitting from Peter. The old adage is true - you never know a good thing until it's gone.

Elen Rivas was a beautiful Spanish girl who caught the heart of Premiership football player Frank Lampard while working as a waitress in a cocktail bar (Sound familiar?). After pursuing her for days she eventually decided to go out on a date with him; that date turned into a relationship which produced two daughters and turned Elen into one of the country's most famous WAG's, although she did give up a career in modelling because Frank reportedly disapproved. During this time there were rumours of Frank's infidelity with groupies, and Elen repeatedly forgave him. However, the upcoming nuptials were never to be - the couple split in 2009, with Elen moving out of the family home with her two daughters and into a modest flat with no source of income, while Frank turned their mansion into a bachelor pad and was photographed by the paparazzi with his new girlfriend. I've been in a similar situation in the past so I know how that feels, but think about how tough it is when you are in the public eye. I agree with Elen, Frank is heartless. As she was not married to Frank she had no legal rights, which meant she could not keep the house. Elen has tried to re-invent herself (she was on Dancing on Ice recently)but she will probably always be best remembered as Frank's ex.

If the rumours are true, Peter Andre and Elen Rivas are dating, and I think that's excellent news. Apart from being broken-hearted and the fact that Peter prefers exotic women, they are both career equals (I think), equally good-looking (so annoying!), and share common interests. Both of them appear to be taking their time to get to know each other, which is essential as they both have children, so you can hardly call their union a rebound. I don't care if the two of them share the same agent, can't the two of them fall in love without the public shouting "Publicity!"? However, they need to be truthful to each other and never lie to each other - Elen made that mistake when she failed to inform Frank that she had been married in the past. They should now focus completely on the here and now without being bound or chained to the past, so they can enjoy the future. It is still early days, but I can see a future for these two. The whole thing proves that no matter what happens, there is always someone somewhere waiting for us. If the rumours are just rumours, what are you waiting for, Pete? Ask Elen out!

I read somewhere that Elen is often hard on herself because she believes that she is too old to be starting a career. Elen, if you're reading this, today is the begining of your life - you are never too old. All you need is courage, a good support system, passion and drive. Whatever you decide to do, keep on keeping on and you'll be fine.

And by the way, I read somewhere that many years ago, Frank Lampard was interested in Jordan, but she was dating Dwight York at the time. If Jordan and Frank should ever split from their respective partners, the two of them deserve each other!

Stay blessed.
Jemma