Jen Kirchner

Harry Hollowdrop's Unwanted Adventure: Chapter 2

Unknown — Sun, 02 Aug 2026 13:20:27 -0700

Chapter 2: Just be a challenger, okay?</h3>
Harry stared at the statue for a moment, then down at the golden ear cuff in his hand. Then back at the statue. His first reaction was to say this isn’t happening! This isn’t possible! His second reaction was that it was another one of David Ibis’s stupid pranks.
But it couldn’t be a prank. It was too elaborate. Not even Ibis would dare a stunt like this in a museum, with the kids present. Although, he did make Harry poke the statue…
“Are you a challenger? State your name.”
The voice sounded impatient now. He heard it in his ears, but it also resonated around his head a little and lingered in his mind.
“Who’s talking?” Harry demanded aloud. He looked around the room. “Ibis, this had better not be another one of your stupid pranks. Someone could get hurt!”
“I am the arbiter. Are you a challenger? State your name.”
As the voice spoke, Harry noticed the statue’s eyes flaring with every word. His brain stuttered.
Harry wasn’t a stupid person. And he was practical. Therefore, a part of his brain told him that there was absolutely no way a statue was speaking to him, because curses aren’t real, and inanimate objects don’t talk. Another part had decided that an ancient Mayan statue had suddenly come to life and was whispering in his ear like a pervert, and that it was David Ibis’s fault.
The fire alarm blared. Startled, Harry jerked and whirled around. Lights above the doors started to flash and click. Two potbellied security guards and one thin, tall one came running into the room. They saw the dome and the kids and parents trapped inside and skidded to a halt. A few seconds later, a frail woman in a brown cardigan and thick glasses came in behind them. Her gray hair was twisted into a large bun atop her head, and her dogged run was knocking it askew. She was holding a thick leatherbound book against her body in a bear hug.
“It’s true!” she shouted. She looked as if she’d wanted to pump her fist in the air, but she would have dropped her book. “The legend is true, and the curse is real!”
Harry felt something in his head pop. He faced the statue. He had the strange feeling that its demonic eyes could see straight into its soul.
“Evil statue, can you hear me?”
“Yes. As long as you hold the golden cuff, we can communicate. Are you the challenger? State your name.”
“My name is Harry, and I don't think anyone wants to challenge you. Can you please let these kids go?"
“If you succeed in the challenge, they will be free. Are you a challenger?”
Harry really didn’t like the sound of that. “Maybe. What’s the challenge?”
“In the hunting grounds, there are hidden treasures. Another challenger is trying to destroy the treasures. You must rescue the treasures. Bring me no less than ten treasures, the sacred tokens, within the time given. If you fail, the children will die. Will you be my challenger?”
Harry stared into those mesmerizing, glowing red eyes. “Uh, no, thank you. That sounds like athletics and sports and competitive stuff. But I know just the guy to do it. David Ibis. He’s—”
Harry looked around. Wait, where in the hell was Ibis? He’d been right there a minute ago. Harry scanned the faces inside the dome. No Ibis. Had he run out of the room when the statue broke and dropped this weird ear cuff, leaving Harry to face the consequences? Figures.
“Okay, listen,” Harry said, “I’m going to find my coworker. He’s really good at this stuff and can free the kids in minutes. Hang on, I'll go get him."
He reached over to place the ear cuff on the glass table next to him.
“Wait! If you drop the ear cuff, you will forg—”
But Harry had already set down the ear cuff. He stepped back and blinked.
What had he just been doing? He couldn’t remember the last few minutes. Had he blacked out? It was probably stress. The last thing he remembered was arguing with Ibis, who’d broken the statue. Something had fallen out of it—
“Sir, are you okay?”
Harry turned around. The security guards were addressing him, looking at him funny. He felt disoriented, but he knew he needed to do something important.
“Sorry,” he heard himself say, “I’m one of the teachers at Silverton High School, and I…” His mind felt muddled. “I need to make a quick headcount to make sure no one is missing.”
“Okay. The police and fire department are on the way. When you’re done with the count, please at least wait in the hall, away from…” The guard frowned and waved a hand at the energy dome. “...whatever the hell that is.”
“Sure.”
Harry glanced around. A small gold reflection caught the corner of his eye. Oh! The thing that had fallen out of the statue. He snatched it up. A voice whispered into his mind. Fast. Impatient. As if they were in a race.
“Treasures are hidden within the hunting grounds. Another challenger is trying to destroy the treasures. To save the children and your friends, bring me ten treasures, the sacred tokens. Will you be the challenger?”
Harry’s head snapped up, and he stared into the dome. The statue’s red eyes glowed like a demon’s. Harry felt it inspecting his soul.
“Holy crap. What? Are you the statue?”
“Just say yes.”
“This is crazy. The curse is totally real. I have to tell somebody and get help.”
“Be the challenger, okay?”
“Hell no. You need my coworker for this. He’s an asshole, but he’s really good at this kind of thing. Let me find him first—”
“WAIT!”
Harry set down the ear cuff.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER…
A golden light caught Harry’s attention, kind of… calling to him. He picked it up. A voice yelled into his mind, sounding so close that it was almost on top of him.
“Harry! Do as I say, or everyone will die.”
A jolt of cold panic shot up Harry’s spine. He turned around and met the glowing red eyes of the ancient Mayan statue. He had the distinct feeling that it was speaking to him.
“Uh, evil statue?” he asked.
“Yes, Harry?”
“Okay,” Harry said. “But how do you know my name?”
*****
Thirty minutes later, Harry had been cinched into a tactical vest and surrounded by the police, the fire department, ambulances, and the FBI. Helicopters were flying overhead, canvassing the area, and a K-9 unit was standing by. Three unmarked vans pulled up and vomited out a dozen U.S. Marshals. Everyone was armed to the teeth and carrying a wide array of electronic search devices. With the exception of the helicopters, they were all coming with him.
Harry felt very grateful. He really didn’t want to do this alone.
“You remember what to do, Harry?”
Harry turned to address Special Agent in Charge Gen Vasquez. She was a thick woman with hard, dark eyes and a slim scar on her nose.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m just nervous. This is so…” Unreal? Unbelievable? Insane? Dangerous? Harry wasn’t sure which adjective to choose.
The agent nodded. “You’re in good hands, Harry. Just keep that ear cuff snapped on securely—” She pointed to the golden cuff that Harry had finally pinched onto the cartilage of his ear. “—and let us know if the statue says anything. We’re going to find those pieces in no time and set everyone free.”
The group surrounded Harry like a protective shield as they walked back inside the museum, down the halls, and into the Mayan exhibit. The statue’s eyes were glowing red—and apparently everyone could see it, not just Harry.
On the opposite side of the room, there was a bright white glow around the women’s bathroom door. The door was wide open, and on the other side was a verdant jungle with dense vegetation and thick tree trunks. It was dim, but sunlight dotted the ground. Exotic birdcalls filled the air. A narrow trail led through the bathroom door into the gloom. Suddenly, Harry did not want to go through that doorway. But he knew he had to, to save everyone.
“Let’s go!” the Special Agent called out, and she nudged Harry forward.
Together, the group charged through the portal and into the jungle. Not even three feet inside, a pit opened beneath Harry’s feet. He fell straight down into darkness.

Harry Hollowdrop's Unwanted Adventure: Chapter 1

Unknown — Sun, 26 Jul 2026 13:49:05 -0700

Hiya gang! Lately, I’ve been wanting to write more bonus content for you all. If you’ve followed me for a long time, you know that web serials have always had a place in my heart. In fact, that’s pretty much how I launched the first Kari Hunter book with such success. At the time, I’d been writing short serials here on my blog—a weekly “vote your adventure” story where the readers voted on what happened next. I developed a teeny cult following and made a lot of friends, and when I finally published The Fourth Channel, a lot of people went out and bought it. But it’s not only that. I read a lot of web serials, too. They’re a rad format.
So, when I started more serious planning around the bonus content that I’d like to write over the next year, I decided that I wanted one to be a web serial. And I wanted it to lean toward pop culture or video games. And as soon as I thought “video games,” I immediately knew what the story would be.
Who remembers the old game Pitfall!? It was a huge favorite of mine. Pitfall Harry running through a jungle filled with dangers and underground passages and treasure! Swinging on vines! Jumping onto alligator heads to get across swamps! What’s not to love?
Welcome to my new serial, a Pitfall! fan fiction: Harry Hollowdrop’s Unwanted Adventure.

A comedic adventure inspired by the 1982 game Pitfall!
#modern fantasy | #mystery | #adventure | #thriller | #comedy | #gamelit | #fan fiction
History teacher Harry Hollowdrop just wants this student field trip to be peaceful. No shenanigans. No accidents. And definitely no pranks from his despised coworker and fellow history teacher.
But when a long-overdue confrontation with his coworker awakens an ancient Mayan statue—and a malicious curse—the students become hostages in a deadly game.
Harry must enter the hunting grounds. Alone. In his loafers and his best dress pants.
The statue wants ten sacred treasures found and returned. Many of the treasures grant magical abilities that will help Harry survive. If he can figure out how to be less clumsy and awkward, they might actually help.
Unfortunately, Harry is not alone in the hunting grounds.
Another challenger is trying to destroy the treasures before Harry can liberate them, and they clearly want Harry dead. If Harry can’t defeat his opponent and end the curse before time runs out, he and his students will become history. </figcaption> </figure>
Harry Hollowdrop’s Unwanted Adventure will be out on my blog every Sunday afternoon PT.
Chapter 1: What part of “DO NOT TOUCH” is confusing to you?</h3>
They’d been at the Portland Art Museum for almost an hour, and the students were getting restless. History teacher Harry Hollowdrop estimated that they were ten oil paintings and four amorphous blob-like sculptures away from anarchy. He’d already caught Ella Brandt and Josh Bierman making out behind an incredible collection of historic Native American robes, and he’d stopped Keller Wall just before he wiped a massive booger on a Monet. Still, Harry thought that it was the best senior trip he’d ever been forced to chaperone.
The senior class field trip was an annual tradition at Silverton High School. Usually, it was a full day of chaotic activities like go-karting, laser tag, arcade games, and mini golf. Harry always found them exhausting. He preferred more subdued activities like going to musicals and old libraries, and he suggested them every year, but he was always outmaneuvered by his nemesis, fellow history teacher David Ibis.
Harry hated David Ibis. Together, they’d made up the entirety of the high-school history department for the past seven years, and Harry thought each year had been worse than the last. He was tired of Ibis’s classroom pranks. Last year, it was his desk and chair wrapped in layers of aluminum foil. The year prior, he’d found googly eyes plastered to his poster of American presidents. He was still finding glitter that had been dumped into his desk drawers the year before that. And he was still furious about his stapler, tape dispenser, and hole punch having been encased in cherry Jello—on the day the air conditioning broke, causing the Jello to melt into every crevice.
And Harry was positive that Ibis was responsible for the cookies that had been consistently disappearing from his lunch bag.
Ibis wasn’t even a very good teacher. In fact, it just seemed to be the side gig that allowed him to coach the school’s varsity football and soccer teams, which he obviously preferred.
Harry decided that it was probably the cookie-thieving that had put him over the edge, deciding to fight fire with fire. Ibis had begun lobbying the kids and school administration for a trip to an indoor waterpark. But Harry had heard about a unique Mayan art exhibit coming to the Portland Art Museum, and he really wanted to see it. Ibis said it sounded lame. That just made Harry even more determined.
He launched a simple yet devious plan to interest the students in the Mayan exhibit. Mayan civilization wasn’t part of the curriculum, but Harry snuck it in casually during classes: the legend of a civilization that disappeared overnight, and a cursed statue!
Seriously, what’s not to like about that?
Okay, not all the kids were riveted by the mystery, but Harry’d gotten a small group interested enough. And for the pièce de résistance: school tours are free at the museum. If there’s anything the school administration can’t resist, it’s free stuff.
Harry could tell that Ibis was annoyed when the final decision was made, but he didn’t care. Besides, a museum visit only takes a couple of hours. Right after lunch, they’d go mini golfing and go-karting.
Harry could see David Ibis near the front of the group, a short Greek god with dimples, flirting with Samantha Diaz’s hot mom, who had volunteered to chaperone the field trip. Harry had watched Ibis strike out with Hot Mom for three years. Samatha was her youngest child, and she was graduating in two months; Ibis was probably making a last-ditch attempt to convince Hot Mom to date him. It was possible that Ibis was actually succeeding, because they both kept glancing back at Harry, and Hot Mom giggled every time they did. Ibis was probably mocking him just to make her laugh.
Whatever. He didn’t care. He’d finally won the field trip—the first half of it, anyway—and they were about to see the Mayan exhibit. He could see it clearly through the wide-open doors ahead. Then again, he was six foot five, all gangly arms and legs. He could see anything from anywhere.
“Hey,” Harry said to the kids walking around him, “are you guys ready to finally see the Mayan exhibit?”
“I just want to see the statue you told us about, Mr. H.”
“Hey, Mr. H! Do you think it’s true, about the curse?”
Harry laughed. “Curses aren’t real.”
The kids laughed. The last of the students and Harry filed into a massive room stuffed with ancient Mayan art. Paintings and tapestries covered the walls. Rows of glass display cases sat on one side of the room, filled with artifacts from a civilization long gone. Stone and clay statues stood on tables and pedestals, all surrounded by red velvet ropes and signs with bold letters that screamed “DO NOT TOUCH.”
A museum staffer was standing at the front of the room, holding up her hands to get everyone’s attention. The students, teachers, and parent chaperones gathered around.
“Welcome to this very special exhibit of ancient Mayan discoveries. These specific artifacts come from an ancient city whose people all mysteriously disappeared overnight, leaving their belongings behind. It’s a mystery that has confounded historians for decades. We may never know what happened.”
She waved her hand grandly at a statue that towered over the room. Harry had to hold in his excited gasp.
“This statue is often considered to be at the center of the mystery. Archeologists believe that the statue was a gift from an enemy city, either as an olive branch or a Trojan horse. It’s believed to be the totem of a god that settles disputes. When there’s a disagreement, or if someone has been wronged, the two parties come before the statue, which decides the outcome. Apparently it wasn’t favorable for the city where the statue was found.” She laughed.
The woman kept talking and began pointing out other artifacts of note in the room, but Harry was only half listening. He circled around the back of the group and approached the statue. It was a man squatting on a stepped circular base reminiscent of a wedding cake. The statue’s expression was placid, and its eyes were half closed. It was wearing a tall, elaborate hat. The statue originally held something in its hands, but whatever it had been had crumbled away from time and the elements. Harry had seen the statue’s photo online, so he knew that the statue had a second face on the opposite side. The second face was angry, and its eyes were wide. Harry would circle around to see it in a minute. He was so engrossed that he hadn’t noticed David Ibis sneaking up behind him.
“Having fun?”
“Yes,” Harry whispered. Now please go away.
“I don’t see how,” Ibis said.
“It’s a museum. Of history.” Harry raised both eyebrows. “You teach history. It should be interesting to you.”
“It’s boring, and the kids hate it, too.”
Harry waved a hand around the room. “You mean these kids raising their hands and asking questions?”
Ibis rolled his eyes.
“Just admit it,” Harry whispered, “this is actually pretty cool. And we’re only here for another forty-five minutes. We’re going to do your stupid jock things after this, so you and the kids can have fun while I do all the actual work. You know, like usual.”
Ibis’s head snapped back, his brown eyes widening. “Is that what you think?”
Harry suddenly felt brave. Maybe it was the elation of having finally won the field-trip destination. He glanced around, making sure that the students and parents weren’t standing close enough to hear.
“As a matter of fact, yes, I do. I always have to come up with the joint curriculum for our classes, but then you always fight me on it, just to mess with me. I’m tired of the classroom pranks. I’m tired of you caring more about the sports you coach than the history we teach. I’m tired of your stupid pickup truck that’s as big as a school bus.”
Ibis’s face flushed crimson. “I knew it was you who’d ‘anonymously’ complained about my truck!” He used sarcastic finger quotes, too.
Harry couldn’t stop. He’d been keeping this inside for too long. “That truck is so big it takes up two parking spots, but the cargo bed is so small you can’t even haul anything in it. And you’re so short, how do you even climb into that thing or see over the steering wheel? You’re going to hit a student one of these days.” He jammed an angry finger at Ibis. “And I know it’s you who’s been stealing the cookies from my lunch.”
“Oh really?”
Quick as a flash, Ibis grabbed Harry’s hand. Panic shot up Harry’s spine.
“Well, this sounds like a dispute,” Ibis said. “We should touch this sacred statue for arbitration. You’d probably like that.”
Harry tried yanking his finger back, but Ibis’s grip was too strong. He pulled again, but he thought his finger might pop out of its socket.
“What are you doing?” Harry hissed. “We can’t touch the statue. Read the sign. What part of ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ is confusing?”
Ibis turned toward the statue and muscled Harry’s hand past the red velvet ropes. Harry struggled and flailed, but he was clumsy and weak. His strengths were trivia games and bourbon tastings, not physical contests. Their hands inched toward the statue.
“Let go, Ibis.”
“Don’t you want this ancient artifact to settle our dispute? We can be besties after this.”
“Stop—”
Their fingers bumped the statue. Harry felt ice shoot down his arm.
The statue rocked. Something made a soft click. Ibis released Harry’s hand as if it were on fire, and they both jumped back. A long, narrow chunk of stone popped out from the statue, jutting out just above where Harry’s and David’s fingers had touched. Harry saw something gold and shiny rolling across the carpet toward the wall.
Ibis made a choking noise. Harry’s heart leapt into his throat. Had they broken it?
Harry turned and ran to collect what he saw. Maybe he could stuff it back into the statue and nobody would notice…
Harry found it against the wall, twinkling under the track lighting. It was a golden ear cuff with a serpent’s head engraved onto it. He pinched it between two fingers and stood—
The lights flickered—and it wasn’t just the bulbs. Despite the skylights and the cloudless day, the entire building went dark for a few seconds. The piercing staccato of electric sparks filled the air.
Harry jumped. The kids and teachers gasped and screamed. A glowing dome had appeared inside the room, engulfing the students, the parents, and the other teachers. Harry was standing just outside of it. The dome crackled and fizzed as thin streaks of lightning circled on its surface. In the center of the dome was the cursed statue of legend. Its eyes glowed red.
Harry looked down at the ear cuff in his hand. A voice whispered into his mind.
“Are you a challenger? State your name.”

One Year of Life RPG

Unknown — Wed, 24 Jun 2026 13:25:02 -0700

It’s been ONE YEAR of Life RPG.
LifeRPG?
Life-RPG?
Yeah, THAT thing. The awesome thing that I started yammering about back in August 2025: Get in, losers, we’re going to Mordor!</a>
I didn’t even realize how much time had passed until a few weeks ago, when I had an incredible breakthrough toward my goals! I fired off an exciting—and partially incredulous—email to my goal buddy about how suddenly, without realizing it, all the things I’ve been working on in my LifeRPG levels have come to bear. Bad habits? Gone. Good habits? Ingrained. Writing? Like the neighborhood kid on his ninth Atomic Fireball.
Honestly, I’m still pretty stunned! What’s happened to me? Life RPG, that’s what.
Thanks to my quest grind, I’m healthier and happier than I’ve ever been.
When I looked back through my progress and compared it with my enormous, long-term, “distant mountain” type goals, I was pretty shocked to see that I hadn’t taken tiny steps toward those goals at all.
I’d taken LEAPS.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still going to take a lot of effort to reach those larger, longer-term goals. But when I first started this journey at level 1, the end felt so far away… and I didn’t feel certain that I could reach it. But now, it really looks like my chance of success has shot up to about 90%. (And the only reason I didn’t put it at 100% is that I do have one particular long-term goal that’s kinda dependent on external factors that are impossible to control, so it’s probably going to involve trying a few different methods, trying and failing, until I achieve it. Which is fine, honestly.) At any rate, my enthusiasm for Life RPG has never been higher.
If you’re still on the fence about trying Life RPG (or any adjacent goal system), give me a second here to explain why this has worked so well.

I’ve created habits and Pavlovian responses that make me productive and disciplined in areas where I wasn’t. For example, I used to struggle to concentrate when I write. But then I gave myself a quest to do 20 short, timed sprints. And while I thought that I was teaching myself to just buckle down and stay productive, I realize now that what I was teaching myself was to focus my attention when a timer started. It’s Pavlovian for me, now. When the timer starts, no matter what the countdown number starts at, it’s GO TIME. And I’ve used this to great effect for other areas where I struggled, too. </li>

Quests remove the emotion, fear, and doubt you’re feeling about the task. For example, I used to fear exercise. When I’m bad at an activity, and it isn’t my favorite thing to do, either, I’d rather just not do it. It just doesn’t sound fun to make myself uncomfortable for any amount of time, and I can think of a thousand other activities I’d rather be doing. But now, I feel motivated to cross the task off the list. The reward is crossing it off. That sounds kind of lame, but it’s true. And in case that technique fails, don’t forget that rewards await at the end of finishing each quest! </li> </ol>
So, I have no plans to stop Life RPG anytime soon. If anything, I’m using it to start tackling some of the “scarier” steps to my bigger goals—items that I didn’t think I could even consider for another few years. It’s incredible just how much this has propelled me forward. Now it’s a quest on a piece of paper that I must conquer for greatness. And quest loot, which is everyone’s favorite.
I’m level 5 now. And as I achieve each level, the questions have become more difficult: Where do I want to go next? Who do I want to BE next? Because these quests are shaping those answers and turning me into the most epic [Your Class Here] so I can reach that shiny goal mountain in the distance. And, at the risk of sounding like a pushy salesman: they’ll be sure to shape you, too.
Wondering where to start? Check out the original blog post: Get in, losers, we’re going to Mordor!</a> There’s a Quick Start at the very top of that post. Don’t skip the part where you think about your bigger ambitions! Your quests will be small steps toward those bigger things. And in case you’re wondering, yes, even after a year of Life RPG and reaching level 5, I still keep my quest count down to 6 so that I don’t get overwhelmed. Completing each quest results in leveling 1 stat… and an awesome quest reward.
For additional tips and tricks, read the cheats: Speedrun your way to level INFINITY with these Life RPG cheats!</a> Then come find me on Mastodon</a> so we can nerd out together about real life questing.

Preparing for the Next Audiobook

Unknown — Fri, 29 May 2026 13:26:18 -0700

Hi everyone!
I’m back with another update on my next book release, the first in the Mara Ballerini trilogy. I hope you enjoyed the excerpt I shared last month. If you missed it, you can read it right here: Sneak Peek of my Next Release</a>.
The writing is coming along super well. By that, I mean that our edits are happening faster than ever, and the Spouseditor swears there are fewer edits than in previous books. It’s either a testament to our streamlined process or I’m becoming a more competent writer who can DO WORDS GOOD. It’s probably both, and that feels amazing. (It’s important to me to improve at all the things I love to do.) At this point, I’m ready to write the blurb and order the book cover.
Then you can see what book titles I finally landed on.
Although we’re still a few steps before the finished book, I’m preparing for the audiobook already. Audiobooks are large projects, and there’s a lot of prep work to do before I lock myself inside the recording closet. My goal is to improve upon the work I did when I narrated the Interns of Magic Engineering novelette that I gave you last year, A Menace of Magical Machinations.
Preparation for Mara book 1 is no less than what I did for the Interns audiobook. Obviously, I practice reading the book, but I also record it and listen to myself. Then I cringe. A lot. And I think to myself, Do I really sound like that? Do I sound weird?
Once I get the weirdness out of my system, I listen to the recording for what it is and take notes. Then I’ll often read it again and listen to that. (Yeah, it’s a lot of homework, but it’s worth it.)
I also check my tempo. I actually have a couple of metronome apps on my phone, and I use those to keep a slow and even pace. Reading too fast results in mistakes and tripping over my words. Reading slowly helps with accuracy and still allows the listener to choose what speed they listen at. As Navy SEALs say, slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
I’m also hoping to improve my performance with the character voices. I don’t expect to perform full accents and voices, but I’d like to get better at adding stronger, more varied “vibes” to the character voices. The procedure for that is the same as the above: I read dialogue from all the characters and try different tones that suit them—clipped voices, gruff voices, silky voices, higher pitch, lower pitch… You get the idea. I record bits of dialogue and listen to it. What’s funny about this step is that while I’m testing the voices, I always think I’m going overboard, but when I listen to them, I barely hear a change! Apparently this is quite common. It’s going to take some time to find the sweet spot. I’ll get there eventually.
Once I determine a voice, the character and their “vibe” notes go down on a cheat sheet. One side of the sheet has the characters in order of appearance. The other side lists them in alphabetical order.
The Interns audiobook I recorded last year had a very small character list to work out. Mara Ballerini’s trilogy is longer, and the character list is longer. It’s more ambitious, if I’m being honest. I already know that my fledgling skill is going to be stretched, but in all the best ways. I’m honestly looking forward to starting the project because I find the narration ridiculously fun. Even the prep work is fun, if you can believe it.
That’s it for now. Until next time!
Jen

A Sneak Peek of My Next Release

Unknown — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 13:50:21 -0700

Happy April everyone! Spring has finally arrived in Seattle, and I missed the sun so much. Whenever the sun is out, I must sit in a sunbeam. My daily journal activities suggest that I might now be 50% cat.
In short, I’m doing well! Back in August, I talked all about a new goal system that I was calling “Life RPG.” I’d just started the system and was level 1, slogging through noob quests with low requirements in the hopes that small steps would lead me to accomplish great dreams. And although I gave a little update in October, I haven’t talked much about it since. You probably thought I gave up.
I did NOT!
I’m now level 4, working toward level 5. Still a noob, but a stronger, better noob. Some of my quests have remained the same, just with harder requirements (like exercise). Some of my quests have been swapped out for totally different ones, depending on what I needed to focus on at the time. But overall, I’m healthier and happier than ever, and I absolutely give credit for this to having made my goals a fun gaming system where I do quests, level up, and get rewards. A few weeks ago, I even decided to take my secret “vision board” and put it on my wall so I can see my ultimate goals.
To be fair, it’s not a traditional vision board, which usually use images of things. Mine is covered in different colored sticky notes, with one big “vision” goal on each sticky note. It looks like a small quilt. I even added a few really outrageous goals.
Shoot for the moon, land among the stars! Or, uh, land on an uninhabitable planet, all alone, and have to eat potatoes grown from your own poop-fertilizer.
Chances are good that it won’t be the second one, but stay tuned just in case.
Life RPG has even helped me with my writing goals, making me a better, faster writer. A better story plotter, too! So, if you were thinking about doing your own version of Life RPG but never quite got around to it, I highly recommend you give it another shot.
I’m also writing a ton, which you probably assumed. Last month, I gave you an update on my next book release—a spinoff trilogy in the Kari Hunter universe. The story follows Mara Ballerini, a hexed Immortal State trainee cop. She’s fresh out of the classroom and ready for her first day on the streets with her training officer.
If she can find them.
The story starts about five minutes after Mara arrives in town. She hasn’t even peeled the protective plastic off her shiny new badge before the trouble starts.
Book 1, tentatively titled The Voodoo Dungeon, is currently with the Spouseditor while I’m writing book 2, The Twice-Cursed Altar. I’m super excited about this trilogy, and I can’t wait for you to read it. Here’s an excerpt from book 1 to wet your whistle:

Mara sat sideways in the driver’s seat with her feet sticking out of the car, banging her heels together to knock off the snow and ice. Rapid footsteps thundering on the pavement drew her attention. A young-looking woman with medium-dark skin rushed down the sidewalk toward her. Her dark hair was pulled back into a tight, glossy bun like a black mushroom cloud. A purple apron flapped around her. When their eyes made contact, the woman looked shocked and quickened her pace.
She came to a skidding stop on the sidewalk between the conservator station and Mara’s front bumper. She was close enough for Mara to read a small nametag pinned onto her apron. Julie.
Mara could tell that the woman was immortal because she’d just jogged three or more blocks and her chest wasn’t heaving. Immortals don’t breathe, so that’s one of the quicker ways to tell. When Mara became immortal, she was assigned a mentor who said that she would get to know who was immortal just by looking into their eyes. After a while, Mara wouldn’t even need to get very close. If she practiced, it would become second nature.
Mara had been immortal for six months, and the only time she’d practiced was when her mentor forced her to. Mara didn’t want to make anything about her immortal body second nature.
Julie’s eyes narrowed at the plastic-covered note taped to the conservator station’s door. Then her eyes cut to the fresh new badge clipped to Mara’s belt.
“Conservator Whoever-You-Are,” Julie said, waving her hand flippantly, “we have a situation in our shop. You need to come right away.”
Mara was so taken aback that she didn’t react immediately.
Julie’s eyes narrowed. “Hello? Did you hear me?”
“Yeah,” Mara said. “Sorry, I’m just a trainee. I got here about twenty minutes ago—”
“And?” Julie said.
“And I’m waiting for my training officer. I don’t—”
“Great. While you’re waiting, you can be useful and come with me.”
Mara’s eyes narrowed. Was this woman serious? She kept her voice even and calm so she wouldn’t explode. “Actually, I think I need to wait.”
“Are you on the clock?” Julie asked. “Getting paid right now?”
“Technically, yes—”
“Then get your butt up and follow me. Now.”
“You don’t understand,” Mara said, “I’m not a full conservator. I’m a trainee. Today’s my first day out of the classroom.”
“There’s always some excuse with you, isn’t there?” Julie said.
Mara threw her hands into the air. “We’ve never spoken before! I’ve been here twenty minutes. Look, I haven’t even peeled the protective film off my new badge.”
Julie pointed an angry finger at Mara. “But you’re still wearing one, which means you have to come when we call.”
“I still think you need to wait for an actual conservator to arrive. I was told that my trainer would be here in about forty minutes.”
Julie growled. “Why are they always sending people who don’t want to do their job? Conservators are supposed to help us, but you’re all too busy trying to get out of this town as fast as possible, and the people who live here have to figure things out on our own. Do you know how that feels?”
Mara opened her mouth to retort, but nothing came out. She couldn’t help feeling embarrassed. After all, she was planning to leave as soon as she’d accomplished her goal, too.
“Okay, what’s this situation in your store?” Mara asked.
“We caught another shoplifter. Madame Yelena’s had enough of these weird thefts and wants conservators to do something about it.”
“What’s so weird about the thefts?” Mara asked.
Julie looked startled. Her lips pinched together for a moment in thought. Hesitation was all over her face.
“You’ll find out when you get there,” she said.
Mara was pretty sure she couldn’t pry out the answer. Maybe the thefts weren’t actually that significant. Or were they truly strange? By the way Julie was shifting on the balls of her feet and her gaze was darting around the street, Mara had a feeling it was the latter.
Unfortunately, Mara quickly realized several problems. Her knowledge about shoplifting came from a single chapter in a textbook and a two-part classroom lecture. When arresting someone, there are forms to fill out, and she didn’t have them. The offender would probably have to be secured inside a jail cell, presumably inside the conservator station that was currently locked.
She checked the time. Her training officer was due in about forty minutes. It would probably take that long to reach the shop and find out what was going on. Hopefully her training officer would arrive then and be pleased that Mara was taking initiative.
“Fine,” she said. “Just know that today’s my first day. I can’t promise I’ll be helpful.”
“That’s fine,” Julie said, folding her arms across her chest. “I wasn’t asked to get someone helpful. I was asked to get a conservator.”
Touché.
Mara still didn’t move. She and Julie stared at each other in silence for a moment.
“I’m trying to decide what that look on your face means,” Julie said. “Maybe you can’t decide whether to be intentionally unhelpful.”
Mara tossed her boots on the floor behind her seat and reached for her sneakers. “It’s a surprise. You’ll find out when I get there.” </blockquote>

I hope you enjoyed the excerpt from my next book, coming… uh… at some point in the near-ish future! I’d guess at the general release timeframe, but the Spouseditor keeps giving me “The Talk” about not suggesting dates since I’m so bad at guessing them. My Seer skill is zero. So, stay tuned for release dates, cover reveals, and more!

An Update on my Next Series

Unknown — Sun, 15 Mar 2026 13:49:38 -0700

Hello everyone!
It's been a minute since I've posted an update on my next book. I’ve given you little hints, but it’s definitely time for a full update. I'm working on a spinoff trilogy set in the Kari Hunter universe. The stories take place in the newest Immortal State tourist trap in Listowel, Ontario. If you’ve read the Kari Hunter series so far, you may recall that this is where the voodoo cult had been hiding out for a century or more. The cult is gone… but they’ve left a lot of deadly paraphernalia behind.
When I first started thinking about this series and who our hero might be, I knew that I wanted them to be someone with a compelling mission. An interesting backstory. After posing a few questions to myself, I thought, “What if they were trying to solve their own murder?” I was immediately hooked. I knew I had to write their story.
The story follows Mara Ballerini, an immortal introduced briefly in Kari Hunter book 3, The Dark Door. Yes, this is the woman that Kari’s cousin and band leader, Brad Kasen, is hopelessly in love with.
Mara is determined to put all her focus into searching for her almost-killer, a mysterious immortal who used the dead cult’s magic on Mara and turned her immortal. Of course, Mara gets completely derailed only ten minutes after she parks her car in the conservator visitor’s spot. She’s pulled into a bizarre plot—someone is searching for very specific enchanted items that were left behind by the voodoo cult, and the dead bodies are piling up.
And it wouldn’t be a good comedy unless we threw Brad Kasen in there for funsies and romance. Mara was not expecting to see Brad. Brad was not expecting Mara to catch him there so soon. He’s not a stalker, honest.
On the “unpredictable” scale, I put Mara somewhere between Kari Hunter and Charlie Temple from the Interns series. Her problem-solving method is something nobody can predict.
As Mara might put it... Mara didn’t think she was dramatic. She considered herself “assertive with flair.” :D
The first book is currently going through edits, and I’m writing book two. Fingers crossed that you’ll see book one this year. We’re also planning on audiobooks for the whole trilogy.
I’ll have more updates for you soon. Stay tuned!
Until next time,
Jen

Stubby’s 2026 Horoscopes and Predictions

Unknown — Tue, 30 Dec 2025 14:00:22 -0800

Hello, friends!
I didn’t want to end the year without writing you some fun fiction. Err, I mean, this is from STUBBY, Kari Hunter’s third sacrificial knife. It’s back by popular demand with your personalized 2026 horoscopes and predictions.
First, a short message from Stubby:
Behold. I have seen the stars! Honestly, I had to nag Kari for days until she finally took me outside, onto the back porch. It was kinda cloudy and pretty snowy, but it was hilarious to watch Kari dance around and try to stay warm. HA HA! Dance, minion! Dance!
Anyway, I saw some stars. And I, Stubby the All-Knowing, who is connected to the mystical plane of the dead and most things magical, have seen the future. YOUR FUTURE! Now, I shall reveal what the fates have in store for you this coming year. Honestly, it’s all bad news for everyone, which is delightful for me!
Please note that all my predictions are 100% accurate or your money back—guaranteed.
Wait a minute. What do you mean, nobody’s paying for my services? Honestly, Kari, I am a treasure!
</div>
Disclaimer: Stubby is a necromancer’s sacrificial knife who lives in a cutlery box in a basement. Stubby has no life experience, no credentials, and no endorsements whatsoever. Stubby’s only been outdoors to see the stars three times in its entire life and has no connection to Seer magic. Ten out of ten Seers do not recommend Stubby for predictions of any kind. </div> </div>
ARIES
The stars tell me that you’re in for a year of introspection and growth. Anyone else would probably love that, but it’s you, and you’re weirdly outgoing and adventurous. Which means that your year is going to be a massive bummer. You will be visited by three ghosts, but not of Christmas—that trio is booked for another gig. Instead, you’ll be visited by the ghosts of your cringeworthiest moments of past, present, and future. As a bonus, they’ll spend extra time on your most embarrassing celebrity crushes and the times you tried to dress like them. Please record the evening and send it to me so we can all have a good laugh.
In 2026, your ruling house is Addams</a>. Your element is antimony (atomic number 51). In medieval times it was used as a laxative—a reusable laxative that was passed down to family members. Eew.
TAURUS
All will go well for you in 2026, Taurus… until you least expect it. This year, you’ll go to your favorite restaurant. The waitstaff will bring your order and say, “Enjoy your meal.” You will say, “You too.” You’ll never be able to eat there again.
In 2026, your ruling house is Conehead</a>. Your element is bromine. Its liquid form is black with red fumes oozing from it. Looks like something you’d find in the pit of hell. Or in Cthulhu’s toilet. Same thing.
GEMINI
Due to angry gypsies, you will receive two blessings and a curse: Surrounded by a rapt audience, you will suss out every single door that is pull and every door that is push. Everyone you encounter will enjoy chatting with you so much that they won’t recognize your cues to end the conversation, and they’ll continue yammering. In the quietest places, your stomach will notify you that it’s hungry with a klaxon growl. I’m not sure which of those are blessings.
In 2026, your ruling house is Spellman</a>. Your element is californium, atomic number 98. It is extremely rare and can start nuclear reactors. It is also extremely dangerous, requiring heavy shielding and extreme precautions. You’ll feel the same way about yourself all year long. Enjoy!
CANCER
This year, you will meet new and exciting people! When they tell you their names, you will not be listening and won’t remember them. You will meet every single person again in important settings… and resort to calling them dude, mate, or the ultimate dreadword, pal. Ugh. Have you thought about becoming a hermit? You should.
In 2026, your ruling house is Banks</a>. Your element, krypton, has been used for spying on other countries. Your ruling planet is Wasp-17b. It’s the largest exoplanet we’ve discovered, and, like you this year, it travels in the opposite direction of everything else.
LEO
This year, you will be haunted by a poltergeist named Larry who lived in a time without televisions. All he wants to do in the afterlife is watch politics on your TV at 2 a.m. He still has his bad hearing and tinnitus, so he’ll be listening at max volume.
In 2026, your ruling house is Munster</a>. Your spirit color is careless whispers, which is a combination of soft orange, beige, and the George Michael song stuck in your head all year long. That sucks for yooooooou-oooh–oooooooooooou… Oh, whoooooa… Now hit us with that sweet sax solo!
VIRGO
It will be an average year for you, Virgos. Nothing to really get excited about, but nothing too terrible, either. But fear not, Fate has not forgotten about you. This will be your year of epic clumsiness. You’ll find yourself bumping into door frames and tripping over your own feet, and don’t forget about your extremely embarrassing fumble-fingers. In related news, you’ll take “safe sex” to a whole new level. That is, if anyone dares to get within 10 feet of you. Clutz.
In 2026, your ruling house is Bean</a>. Your element is iridium, which isn’t naturally present on Earth. If it’s found here, it means it came from outer space. Not dissimilar to how your ex describes you.
LIBRA
Your ongoing rivalries will come to a head this year. Just before you’ve given up and conceded defeat, these adversarial relationships will turn into partnerships. Shortly after, you will realize that your auto-correct was on the whole time, changing your poignant yet succinct messages. That’s good ducking luck. You’ll finally turn the feature off, you think, and you’ll never feel friar. The downside: You’ll forever be introduced as the auto-correct king or queen. Your most humiliating messages will be printed and framed.
In 2026, your ruling house is Simpson</a>. Your ruling planet is TOI-6713.01, a smoldering exoplanet that’s covered in erupting volcanoes and melting from within. Your top love match is a dictionary and a decent spell-check program.
SCORPIO
One of your ruling planets, Pluto, will be locked into Aquarius all year, and it was considering blessing you with great things, but then it remembered that it’s been downgraded from a planet and is holding this against you. Considering that Pluto is just a chunk of ice and rock that’s 4.5 million kilometers away from us, its threats will probably amount to nothing. YOU HOPE.
In 2026, your ruling house is Robinson</a>. One of your ruling planets is holding a grudge, and Mars doesn’t want to get in the middle of it, so you’re kind of on your own this year. Your top love match is a telescope. You can never be too sure.
SAGITTARIUS
It’s time to get your life together, Sagittarius, because everyone’s starting to notice. How can they not, with your bizarre scent? Get organized, clean up your house, spruce up your wardrobe, and make a plan for your life. Still, through the entire year, you will have that nagging feeling that you’re forgetting something important. The feeling will follow you everywhere.
In 2026, your ruling house is that cool, butt-kicking royal family of Wakanda</a>. Your element is osmium, the densest of all elements. Your ruling planet is TrES-4b. Its density is the same as cork, and it’s considered a “puffy planet.” Like your mom.
Note: I’ve just been informed that, for the crime of a bad “your mom” joke, I’ve been sentenced to one week in the ugly underwear drawer of shame. But you know what? Worth it.
CAPRICORN
In 2026, you’ll focus more on your home life and get back to your roots. You’ll want to surround yourself with comfort and spend time with loved ones. You’ll also show interest in new hobbies and things that bring ultimate fulfillment. Before deciding which hobby is for you, you’ll try a wide variety of things, like skydiving, sports, knitting, and vengeance. I know which one I’m rooting for.
In 2026, your ruling house is Knievel</a>. Your ruling planet is TrES-2b, known as the planet of eternal night, reflecting only 1% of the light that hits it. Just like your soul.
AQUARIUS
This is the year for you to develop your ultimate family life. You’ll spend a lot of time fantasizing about what that means. Hot tip: I’ve heard that you can rent a different family if you don’t like the one you’ve got. If that doesn’t work, you’ll need to create better boundaries. I recommend a moat. Practical and stylish.
In 2026, your ruling house is Winchester</a>. Your element is francium (87). It is so radioactive that it evaporates itself, so we don’t really know what it looks like. It’s also killed everyone who has discovered it.
PISCES
A long term commitment is coming your way, Pisces. I will not provide further details on that. I’ll just leave the overwhelming fear and dread for you commitment-phobes to enjoy. Happy 2026.
In 2026, your ruling house is Connor</a>. Your top love matches are staying indoors with rocky road ice cream and Star Trek reruns.

I hope you enjoyed Stubby’s 2026 predictions. Have a very happy New Year!
Want more? Check out Stubby’s 2024 horoscopes</a>.

New release… and the story of my first audiobook!

Unknown — Wed, 05 Nov 2025 14:18:38 -0800

I have a new release… and this one’s an AUDIOBOOK.
That’s right, it’s my first audiobook ever. I recorded it myself, and the Spouseditor did all the sound engineering and editing. This exclusive audiobook is free for all my subscribers, which could be you! So if you aren’t signed up for my New Release Alerts</a>, now’s a great time to do it and receive my sweet, dulcet voice in your earholes… narrating a fresh new tale of Interns chaos.
Click to subscribe and get your free audiobook!</figcaption></figure></a>
Since the Spouseditor and I prefer the DIY method for most of our creative endeavors, this audiobook took two years to create—it started long before the new Interns novelette was a twinkling in my eye—because I first had to learn how to narrate audiobooks. There’s a lot of research, study, and practice that comes with such a project. Luckily, there’s a lot of information available. I read books and watched an untold number of videos. I checked out ebooks from the library, along with their audiobooks, and read along with professional narrators.
Finally, I reached a point where I just had to dive in and narrate things on my own.
The hardest part was listening to my recordings! I had all the normal reactions: Is that really what I sound like? Eew, do I sound annoying? I remember at one point, the Spouseditor and I were out taking a walk and he really wanted to hear some of my practice audio. I let him listen, and then I waited for him to say, “Uh, how about you practice some more?” But instead, he was really happy with how well I did! We both laughed about it because neither of us was quite sure what to expect. I was certainly struggling with being objective, so his initial feedback was encouraging.
And I just kept going after that: more research, more practice, more everything. Then the recording began.
At the time, we were living in an apartment with thin walls. The plan was to narrate the Interns trilogy, because I already had audiobook covers for them. (I didn’t order the audiobook covers; they came with the ebooks for free.) We assembled a ramshackle “booth” in our tiny bedroom closet (using clothes and blankets and towels to insulate the sound), bought a little microphone and recorder, and went to work.
I’d almost finished the entirety of A Master of Magical Machinery but had to stop because every time I tried to record, it seemed like every motorcycle in Seattle wanted to drive by. None of the chapters sounded alike, no matter what we did. After too many unusable recordings, I had to give up on the idea for a while.
But then we moved. It’s pretty quiet here. The only biker issue is the gang of ten-year-olds from down the street. And our new bedroom closet is juuuuust large enough to fit a small chair, a TV tray table, a microphone stand, and me.
High tech. Swanky. </figcaption></figure>
As I was finishing the A Menace of Magical Machinations ebook, I knew I wanted to try audiobooks again. And the free Interns novelette was an obvious candidate.
So here we are. It was kind of a long, annoying road to get here, but we finally made it… to the start of many more audiobooks! As long as you like them, I’ll definitely release more audiobooks for you. For now, subscribe to my new release alerts</a> and grab the very first one—an Interns of Magic Engineering adventure for your ears.
Until next time,
Jen

Speedrun your way to level INFINITY with these Life RPG cheats!

Unknown — Mon, 06 Oct 2025 14:16:44 -0700

I did it! I completed level 1 of my personal Life RPG and I’m now officially level TWO! It’s the equivalent of a toddler who can barely use utensils and might not remember how many fingers to show when you ask their age. But hey, progress is progress! If you aren’t sure what I’m talking about, check out this blog post where I discuss turning my goals into my own live-action RPG where I complete quests, get rewards, and level up: Get in, losers, we’re going to Mordor.</a>
It took me nine weeks to complete six quests of my own design. The quests were primarily focused on my big dreams of writing and health and fitness. Now that I’ve crossed the first finish line, I’m back to write a retrospective and share my experience—and some surprising tricks—in the hope that it will inspire you to start your own Life RPG journey. So let’s get into it.
Cheat #1: Arm yourself with correction tape</h2>
I bet you weren’t expecting me to say “correction tape,” but hear me out. Figuring out the difficulty of your level 1 quests is critical. After all, they’re your baseline. When you get to higher levels, you’ll probably repeat a lot of your level 1 quests at an increased difficulty. So where do you start? Think of your level 1 quests as Goldilocks and the Three Bears: If they’re too hard, you’ll get frustrated and might quit. If they’re too easy, you may question whether you’re really moving toward your goals or just wasting time. Like Goldilocks, you’ve gotta get the quests and their difficulty just right.
If you’re anything like me, you might create quests that are more robust than you’re capable of. Know what I mean? I jumped into the level 1 quests like Drizzt Do’Urden, but in reality I was more Rincewind.
For example, if I had set a goal to run on the treadmill for an hour, I wouldn’t have achieved it. I wouldn’t have even attempted it. Though it might feel amazing to write that goal down, the reality is that I enjoy exercise about as much as I enjoy a root canal. I would 100% bail on that quest, and then my Life RPG would fail. (No, I didn’t make a goal to do 1 hour on the treadmill. It was 15 minutes, and it felt like torture. Not only am I a little out of shape, I found it dreadfully boring.)
So, for the first week of my Life RPG, I tried out all my quests and then used correction tape to adjust them as needed. To keep myself accountable, the correction tape was no longer allowed after the first week. It was great because it forced me to engage with all of my goals in the first week. Procrastination: eliminated. And with revised goals that were still kinda hard, yet achievable, there was no excuse to quit.
Still, I can hear the roleplaying purists denouncing me and calling for the bucket of tar and a truckload of pillows. But I think we can all agree that it’s better to adjust and continue the adventure than to get demoralized and quit. Correction tape during week one: it’s the Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A of the Life RPG. Let’s not shame anyone for it.
Cheat #2: Individualized motivation and reward systems</h2>
Rewards are important—I talked about it in my original post—but my approach to rewards changed somewhere around week five or six. When I first set up my quest pages, I’d assigned specific rewards to each quest, but as I worked on my quests, the rewards became a lot less exciting. New yoga pants for completing my treadmill goal? That just sounds like I’m signing myself up for more treadmill quests. Clearly, I hadn’t considered the kinds of rewards that motivate me.
I did some cursory research and was reminded that everyone is motivated differently. Some are motivated by rewards, others by achievements. Some are more motivated by the idea or promise of a reward than the reward itself—and once they receive it, it doesn’t feel as exciting as the anticipation. Others are motivated by penalties—having rewards and perks removed. For most of us, it’s probably some combination of these.
As time went on, I realized that I’m in the category of people who like the idea of a reward but feel less excited when actually receiving it. So, I crossed off my specific goal rewards and instead created a list to select from. Then I divided the rewards into tiers. It’s kind of like an arcade with games that spit out tickets. The tickets can be redeemed for different prizes at the weirdly lit booth in the back corner. You know, the one run by the creepy guy who looks like he’d rather be anywhere else. The more tickets you have, the bigger the prize. If you skip two lower cost prizes, you could cash in for a bigger prize. Then you create strategies to get the one enormous reward. Who hasn’t done that before?
Just me? Liar.
With all that said, if you aren’t sure what kind of motivator you need, it’s not critical to identify it before starting level 1. I encourage you to pick some kind of reward system and then stay open to change.
Cheat #3: The looming 13th week…</h2>
I didn’t see this cheat coming. My writing work is scheduled in 12-week blocks. The idea came from a book called The 12 Week Year which was written by people who noticed that office workers scramble in December, before the end of the year, to hit their corporate goals or whatever. So, they came up with this idea to break up the year into 12-week blocks, 4 per year. When I first read this book, the jaded corporate drone in me thought it sounded like a scam, easily sold to executives who don’t care about anyone’s mental health or home life and that would love to see their employees scrambling all year long.
But I also have trouble taking regular breaks from writing (to recharge), so I thought I’d try it. For week 13, I scheduled a luxurious staycation of hardcore slacking. You know what I mean. Pizza and tacos for dinner. Reading and gaming marathons. Sweatpants and hoodies as a uniform.
So, while I was working through level 1, I saw the staycation coming up on the calendar. When it was still 8 or 9 weeks away, I didn’t think much of it. But as it got closer, I realized that I didn’t want to go on vacation with unfinished quests and projects looming over me—I’d be thinking about them during my break, and that is not relaxing. So, in the last 2 weeks before the deadline, I changed tactics and scrambled to get stuff done. On the first day of my staycation, I finished the very last quest and hit level 2.
Then it was video-game time.
Honestly, I’m torn about how successful the 12-week work block was. It felt incredible to have finished my quests and to sail into my vacation at level 2. But I don’t know how I feel about the deadline… and the scramble to finish everything. It was the very thing I hated!
But it also worked.
I have another staycation coming up, but whether I’ll succumb to the pressure of completing level 2 before it starts… we’ll see.
Ugh. You know I’m gonna scramble to wrap it up.
The 13th week as a break from quests: it really does work.
Cheat #4: Don’t use a “vanilla system” unless you want to</h2> Shortly after I published the blog post about the Life RPG system, a friend emailed me about it. I could see myself doing this Life-RPG thing, he said, but I would probably use the Ironsworn</a> system for it.
Cue the facepalm moment.
When I first drafted ideas for my system, I automatically wrote down the most well-known and commonly used stats (a.k.a. character attributes): stamina, strength, agility, charisma, wisdom, intelligence, dexterity… You know, the vanilla stats that many game systems use. I wasn’t even thinking about it. And I probably should have. Ironsworn’s stats are edge, heart, iron, shadow, and wits! The Witcher (the tabletop RPG, not the video game) uses intelligence, reflexes, dexterity, body, speed, empathy, craft, will, and luck. Cool, right? There are many other systems out there—fantastical, unique, and creative systems that give more color and depth to the games they support.
You could even make up your own stats. Do you want to level up your ninjatude and sexiness? You can do that. Or what about borrowing from other types of video games? Idle games encourage players to do a complete reset back to level 1 in order to (ironically) get even stronger, complete levels faster, and get more achievements. What about creative penalties like with Warhammer witches? If you want to incorporate a penalty for skipping too many days, you might farking explode and need to do something in order to resuscitate yourself!
There are so many more systems and attributes out there, and they’re all ripe for the taking—er, I mean, borrowing.

This probably seems like a lot of effort for a little goal-setting. Maybe it is, but it’s worth it. You’ll be spending a lot of time doing the Life RPG, so it’s important to make it fun. Don’t be daunted by the initial investment. When I crossed level 1’s finish line, I admit that I didn’t feel the kind of exhilaration I expected, like when you win an award or a big prize. It was a cautionary elation. That’s because my grander goals have not yet been achieved; my journey is far from over. But I finished a robust set of quests and started new habits that I wouldn’t have otherwise. And I’m having fun doing it.
The Life RPG is the start of a grand adventure of self-improvement and rewards. If I quit, I know I’ll regret it. The only way to feel really proud about the work is to keep going—keep leveling up, doing incrementally harder quests, and making changes that will keep the journey fun, even if it means investing a little time and creativity into it—all to achieve the bigger dreams at the end.
I wish I’d known all of these little cheats when I started this process. Luckily, this is my very own personal Life RPG, so I can switch it up and do whatever I want! Look out, level 3! You’re getting a system upgrade.

New Release: A Menace of Magical Machinations

Unknown — Mon, 18 Aug 2025 15:17:46 -0700

There’s never been a better time to sign up for my new release alerts, because I wrote an Interns of Magic Engineering novelette for you! It's exclusive to my subscribers, and it’s free!
A Menace of Magical Machinations is book 3.5 in the Interns universe. This story came from a curiosity about the next Interns trilogy. I already have ideas for the next three books (and my BFF has a short list of demands—brace yourself for the return of Troy’s lucky blue suit) but I still wanted to know more about what’s going on. Writing a novelette seemed to be the best way to find out.
This new story takes place one month after book 3, A Minefield of Magical Malice. LIORA’s magic engineering team is preparing their latest gadget prototypes for an upcoming Expo when the alchemy team upstairs suddenly goes radio silent. Charlie and Indigo are sent to investigate, and they uncover a scheme to steal the company’s secret formula.
The alchemy floor is locked down. The security guard is out cold. The power is knocked out… and Charlie and Indigo are not alone in the dark.
</a>