~Jenn Hillman Reflections~

Clearing The Shadow's Dance

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 31 May 2016 11:12:00 +0000

I can breathe again. Sigh… after a few weeks (or was it months?) of feeling pinned down by the waves in the undertow of the unconscious and subconscious lurking in my nightly dreams and feelings.

If only for a few minutes… Breathe. Once again… feel your heart beating. Sense the energies dancing, like the cool breeze of the universal pulse as one hears the wings of a hummingbird or the lizard moving in the dried leaves. Or hear the stars’ music and the whispers of home’s love in the darken skies above as the moon’s glow lightens your soul.

Even my cat, Love Buttons would come to check on me just as I began to feel the shadow’s dance overwhelm. She touched my face and then collapse next to me, purring as to calm my being with her presence, asking for a few chin rubs. She moved around to make sure I was still feeling her against me as to protect me from the night terrors of my own experiences.

Integration is an intense passage of emotions through the experience with other people, the reflection of past words lingering into the seemingly lagging sense of self-integrity and motives hidden within the thick weeds of emotions. The rawness brought me to this spinning underwater bog of punishing waves of manifestations created.

The continuing sensing the immense loss of opportunities, truths and friends came at the cost of this moment of time choking at what my words and actions’ reality. I have seen have far I have fallen through the oversights conveniently disguised through the blame game, righteous rage, and dismissal in that moment. The differencing perspectives boggled my conscious mind to this space where Buttons came to reassure me I would be all right.

Each early morning reviewing the nightly conversations with the shadow self to gain the understanding to fully learn the missteps of my dance. The words spoken and written did not match up with my actions as my intentions became shrewd. Thoughts and visions of suicide and death only meant that I got the matter of the heart, as cutting through the shit of self-sabotage and self-unloving thoughts as I cut my wrist, watching the blood run down my arm, smiling. Though the sense of being invisible in such a visual presence brings a smile of disbelief of the disconnectedness, I truly had as I saw friends and colleagues’ success building, surrounding me with the wall built in the Silence of my grand self-sabotaging nature.

Slowly, I stopped giving as much, closing off my heart unknowing in the process and the weight of uncertainty pulled me further under the surf. I told myself I was giving myself self-love. “Really? The soft voice inside my heart.” “Be honest with yourself for a change. Your envious shadow and jealousy were asking ‘why not me’ is what has gotten you in the headspace of spinning sands and debris that you can’t breathe.” Being honest is not about shaming yourself. It is getting real about your intentions…the conscious one along with the subconscious one…and making sure they are the same.

When the two align with each other, the universe has a clear course to manifest the positive intentions quickly. Any twisting or mingling intention only gets messed up and the negative impact occurs. The Universe will keep you to your word and will remind you constantly of what you said you wanted, yet are not acting towards or moving a little too slowly…repeating the clue.

Are looking for the depth of perspective

On the other hand, the shallow sight of the surface.

With an open-hearted or limited mind?

Embracing the moment with Love and Awe

Or has the negative aspect of life beaten you down?

The choice is yours...on how you create the life you live. ~jh

I am a storyteller. Words of wisdom are among the mud, like that exquisite pearl. Mine is just going to be really shiny and smooth. Cleaning the rough spots, while opening the soul to be transparent, loving and resolved; Resolved in the truth told to me so precisely immense the head on collision. “You are Love and Loved.

I seem to need that reminder at times… to go a little deeper and see that reflection of myself.

How you looked in the mirror and said I love you lately?

the magic of music, my lifelong partner.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 26 Apr 2016 12:12:00 +0000

I tune in, turn on the internal radio and select a song to hear, to inspire and get me moving forward.

Each note turns the key of my heart and I dance. Dancing on the keyboard and words flowing from my soul as the music plays. At times, tears of joy or maybe it is pain… the opening brings to the center what needs to be felt, exposed… healed. Revealing the wounds still raw and being irritated.

Dreams remind me of the time of this situation creating this reality, or perhaps it was the time that I met so and so and we did this or that. He left quickly and cut the wrist on the way out, not looking back. I fell to my knees while holding myself in disbelief of how much I believed in him or saw the illusionary potential.

I smile now, knowing the hope I have living inside of me.

Slowly, bit by bit, I revealed my secrets and hidden spaces through the experiences of the game or the dance. It all depends on the music at the time.

One thing is certain. Music has always been there for me… in some form — physical, mental or spiritual. Music is the lifelong partner I share my life with… as he knows the truth of me and he holds my hand through it all, with space I need to learn, yet letting me know I am not alone.

Music tenderly embraces my journey with me, with gentle messages that caress my soul, and lets my heart open to new possibilities. He keeps me grounded and dancing, swaying in the mysteries, turning a phrase of elegance while disguising the tears.

The seduction started when I was young, as Music asked me to come out of the darkness and dance. It didn’t take much to coax me out into the light. His song was sweet and his smile intriguing. He knew I was born to dance with life. He took me out of the darkness, exposing my vulnerabilities, then disappeared for a while.

He left me there for a while, sitting in the light, uncertain of the next move or not knowing the rhythm of the song. His own pain took over his song. He hid away from me, only returning later when I had finally found my own footing and steps in the dance. He whispered at me from a distance and touched my shoulder.

He took my hands, and led our steps in time for the song, yet something was different. We were different, yet the connection the same.

He took me to a special place where the moon hung in the skies overlooking the waters. Trees hummed with the breeze and loving magic lingered in the air. Friendship was born again with a depth of understanding the truth. He revealed another side of me to me, exposing my potential and the magic living in me.

Music taught me much about the secrets of life, to trust myself as well as to live my magic with joy.

Yet I didn’t need him as much as he needed me. Our steps were off, as choices of obligations took over the moment. We wished things were different, and decided to be friends within the magic. I became a muse of his songs, like the undercurrent melody, and he is a muse for poetry, between the lines.

Music is the magic and the internal voice of love embracing and intriguing us to keep moving through the pain and the joy of this dance of life. The whispers in the night letting us know that we are not alone on this journey, and taking us out of the dark to sing our own song of brilliance. Assisting us to find the rhythm of our voice, the melody of our lives, and the words we live to experience.

Enjoy your dance.

#36 -DMB

New Directions in Time and Space

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 03 Dec 2014 19:52:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman

Hello...It has been a while since I have written on this blog... starting something new and simplifying my life, yet here I go again. Writing to write... to inspire and heal, reflect and release, to move forward even when stepping back.

With a grin on my face, years reflected upon and seeing all the many directions we all have been sent into the great beyond, one thing is certain...or I have come to understand on a deeper level (yet again...again) trusting yourself and earning the trust of self takes patience and love. In the last few years of lost, and I do mean lost... I found myself again. I found trusting in myself again after years and years of mistakes, bad choices and hard lessons. Sure, lots of people are saying this these days and we all are. We are finding the soft whisper inside of ourselves, that wounded child and best friend. That is the process and evolution of the wholeness, the planet and the oneness coming home.

Home to center within our authentic selves.... heart-centerness changes many things in your life. Through the ups and downs of the world today, we are understanding the priorities in our individual lives. The importance of creativity, expression and self reliance. We all understand that we can't go back into the past and change those things alternating the path ahead. We can only focus on the reality of the outcomes we strive for now and keep focused, determined and that heart-centerness communicating with that healing wounded inner child dancing in the moonlight, thanking the stars for the next morning coming and the next big adventure of possibility around the next corner.

Time to live boldly, fearlessly with our passionate beings leading us into those new directions this time and knowing the space for choice is always there. With love and curiosity, we find our way...simply breathing in the present moment, while appreciating the path we took along the way, making us who we are today. Wiser, smarter, more aware and in noble pursuits of the dreams we know unfolding now.

Trust yourself, more than others. Let go of anything you are holding onto too tightly. breathe in deeply and take that first step forward. Enjoy.

Some Wisdom and Advice from Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 15:39:00 +0000

Enjoy the moments with the ones you love and show them how much you appreciate them by the simple act of being presence and truly being with them. This is a great gift of time you share with those you love. Listening to their stories and allowing the brilliance of all they have been and be shine. ~jh

I recently read an article about a woman who asked her mother six questions as her mom was getting up in age. She happens to be the same age as my mother, so I took the clue and asked these six simple questions which gave me new insights about my mom I hadn't known and a deeper understanding of Mom..

The six questions are:
1. what do you enjoy about your age and aging?

2. what is the biggest challenge at your age?

3. what has surprise you?

4. what brings you the most joy in your life?

5. what would you do differently?

6. what words of advise do you have for me?

I am grateful for my mom being a role model, though we have had our difference like most kids do. Her answers opened my heart and I was a bit surprised by them, as she seemed different then these answers.

Her enjoyment at her age is seeing her kids grown up. Her oldest child and only son turn 60 today. She enjoys seeing the grandkids and great grandkids growing and getting to know them, with seven grandsons and six great grandkids for her to watch.

Her biggest challenge at her age of 82? Well, she has always had the attitude "what will be, will be". She hears others at any age complaining about life and challenges her.. She knows that she can only do her best with what she has and what is thrown her way. She has always been this way, even through her own two battles with colon cancer, now going on over a decade clear. This is a testimony to the power of your attitude over the physical realities that happen.

What would she do differently? Well, a part of her feels like she may have done more with her career, though she didn't have any determination to be more than a wife and mother. She did teach, having a master in special education. This is what surprised me as my mother taught each of her four daughters to be independent and support ourselves...and not to depend on a man to support us. Yet she was just the opposite for herself. Now she married a man she loved dearly and things worked out well for my parents. Both my parents made sure that the girls knew how to take care of their car, meaning changing a tire, the oil and even car parts. We learned about sports and construction. Always about beauty and grace... true girl scouts. We learned to be self sufficient in whatever we were doing in life. We make our lives full.

Her biggest surprise surprised me in a way, though not surprised that it was: The love of her life passing in his sleep. They both knew it was going to happen, yet waking up and seeing him gone after 56+ years of seeing him, being with her. Her best friend was gone and she misses him being around. Her kids keep her company, yet we know it is not the same nor do we attempt.

She is happy as she can be which leads us to her answer about her advise for her kids. Do whatever makes you happy. Others may not like it, so do it anyway. We all have our own way of doing things and it is in our best interest to live our life as we individually want to live. It doesn't matter if you have a great paying job. It does matter that you enjoy each day of your life. Whatever Happens, Be Happy!

Thanks Mom... for great advice and doing your job well.

Beginning with Intentions of 2014

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 21:28:00 +0000

Lotus by Dee DeGaetano

New Year, New Start, New Seeds to be plant with intention: 2014 intentions begin with a moment's inspiration and dance with words, as the year ends, those lingering fingers on the keyboard feeling the tingling sensation of swaying and swiveling on the page has just begun. With the New Year's Eve and Day in Capricorn... the intention is to climb that mountain with success in achievement...one step at a time.

Those moments of brilliance may leave you exhausted, yet wanting more of what is out there. Dive into hat drive and thirst for adventure and passion divorce from the hows and when... Only now exist. Be present to the moment and the divine wisdom within.

More so than ever with 2014; the numerology year of seven does bring us the year of the beautiful chaos of connection, clearing and spirituality. That reconnection to your truths and the oneness is being presented to you now.

The time is now for living those dreams, giving yourself permission...are exactly why you are here, improving the world... with this passion and love of your life which is you.

So start your dreams, your engines of intentions... write a list of possibilities... of imagination and beauty... of love upon love...and a little deeper next time. Burn in the flame of your heart and soul released to the hands of the Universe and let it all happen.

Now is that moment of release... of the past, your mistakes, and those choices you wonder if it was best... Throw them out the window you opened to feel the whispering breeze on your face. That feeling of closing your eyes as the wind caresses with kisses of wisdom, delighting your heart with a smile or two. That orgasmic exploration of self with the wonderment of wonder as this New Year begins... In awe of the stars aligning you up for the most amazing adventure yet!

Plan? What plan? Why plan?
As Lao Tzu said..."A good travel has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving."

You giggle in whimsy, sipping on your glass of Chardonnay or is it a Merlot? Be in the moment with passion and imagination as your mate.

Your inner child and higher self will be your guide. Embrace and allow them to take you out on the town, to a new country or just down the street... a dream you thought long ago was lost.

You are the creator within yourself. Decisions made long ago what you wanted your life to be... pulling out those dreams, those childhood fantasies and flip through the pages of what is yet to exist. It is all possible. Oh yes, as the heart pounds a little faster as your breath becomes shallow... Accept your invitation to this New Year's adventures with a big smile...

Screaming YES! As you come to realize you have so more to experience in this life... and the only one stopping you is YOU. Oh stop that shit...step out of your own way and get moving.

Turn on the music loud, dance barefoot on the roof with the stars and neighbors are laughing out loud. Who cares? You are alive and living those dreams of magnificence that only you can be and do.

I will state it again...

Living those dreams, giving yourself permission...are exactly why you are here, improving the world... with this passion and love of your life is the reasons of living.

Let 2014 continue to bring the very best out of you, with the connection of that Rebelle living inside out...and the lovely others just like you too.

Let your heart beat loud enough for someone else to hear it. Sing that song as it lingers in your head out loud... it may be a message for that person next to you.

Create magic in ink, paint, food or kisses... no matter the form. Do it and do it now while you have the nerve.

Where I Create, There I am True. ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
Don't ever give up and allow someone else to end your quest for all those dreams you dreamed as a child.

With gratitude and awe...Breathe deep, for all the dancing, music and magic you are manifesting right now. More is coming... just don't take it for granted.

Share a smile with a stranger and perhaps a cup of java or tea too. Listen to each word with fascination to another great story with reflection of the betterment of you.

With the ending note to realize, please remember through the chaos of 2014, 2014 equals seven meaning a year of spirituality and the connection to the oneness,. Do something for an animal, a flower and tree. Acknowledge the unity with Mother Earth and our quests for humanity. Play and teach a child or learn from the child you see. Be open to the new, let go of old with a hugs and a thank you.

All is good within the magic of now moment with YOU.

(c)JenniferHillman2013 "Beginning with Intentions for 2014"

Whispers of the Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 25 Oct 2013 16:05:00 +0000

shadow of the heart (c)jhillman2013

Sip of life...sweet embrace of love

Holding one is the blissful time while waiting...moments of moment, tantalizing the soul... dancing with the rhythm of dreams.

Human beings being human... the needs of touch, of caressing the beauty within another; feel the skin upon skin, the warmth of the body, the beat of the heart. The sweet reasons mean everything in the nothingness of living. It adds to the internal security that we are alright; we aren't alone in this big bad world.

"Tell me love
the beauty of the night
the caress of your presence
my breath uniting with yours
be one in the stillness
the stars of the mighty
the essence's depth of oneness
needing, breathing, and consoling."

Though all is within each of us, we are not in this world alone, nor do we. Isolation has been used for punishment in prison, yet some decide to live in solitude and just fine being alone.

“One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever came to sit by it. Passers-by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on their way.” ~Vincent van Gogh

Finding the spirit of the higher power better company that other people. I can understand with the games and manipulation some people play, with others and with themselves. That sense of denial of doing everything wrong, playing with emotions or security of another person. That is their issues are the great excuse of reasoning. Yet when it comes to their own redemption, it is whole another game.

“What matters most:
"What he had yearned to embrace was not the flesh but a downy spirit, a spark, the impalpable angel that inhabits the flesh." Wind, Sand and Stars.” ~Richard Bach

I found you in the whispers of the shadow... luring me out into the light. Swallowed by the song and richness of the breath dancing depth and perception wide. Heart with in your eyes, soul in your word, I found home upon the essence of you.

The beauty and the grace emerge within the silence, humming. The purpose we used and here for is to experience what we wish to experience with and among others...being humans, animals/nature and self. The choice is up to us and realizing that responsibility also falls to us as the individual and humanity... With the incoming energies of Aquarius, the age of Aquarius is quickly coming upon us as the new realities we are creating. Thoughts are powerful, even more so than before. Being presence and aware as the need of the many has seem to fall behind the greed of a few. Or has it? We are here to empower the inner love into the outer expressions... of finding ourselves within the shadow in depth with the understanding of embracing all of self with the deepest of love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~Anonymous

Embracing The Deep Side

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 18:56:00 +0000

With an open heart and mind, I listen to the whispers of the wind, stars and sun... finding the truth within my soul and inspiration of my inner voice and muse... My deep gratitude shows me the way to my birthrights of happiness, abundance and most importantly... LOVE

I open my heart to the muse within, gently humming and dancing. She waits with patience as she knows my inner child is coming to the truth arouse in my heart through the music of her song.

Sit in the stillness, the music arise higher and the true earth of my being shows within my inner eye. Fields of green and gold, purity and chaste, the laughter rings in my ears and my soul dances with the fire of my Goddess' spirit.
Lands within lands; or stars and sun; dreams within dreams. Whispering all at once yet silence quiets the white noise of all. Sweetly song carries me home t the center of my heart.

Surrounded by the teachers and masters of my youth and journey, I face my dance with each of them... with music and steps in and out of balance, yet always knowing I am safe close the fire's flame of love.. the further I am, the colder I get as I close down my heart. the whispers are distance as the safety silver cord as I don't drift too far and out of range of who i truly am. Song of songs, like Solomon spoke of to his beloved. Dance of words and whispering in tunes disguised the muse's touch of center brilliance. Softly stroke my heart pained by the adventures' arrows of others distracting the nuances of the dance. The power within the words whisper my home. Poem after poem, song in songs, showing me home in home. Choice of choice, resisting the path for the experiences of the pains and shattering of all.

I fall in pieces on pieces.... only love can fix the pieces into whole. Love, not from another. Love of self and stop the deceiving manipulation of this life's games. Mirror upon mirror reflections shattering the heart... the soul only plays all for a bit for the amusement till too much and getting too far to the point of breaking off the sliver of safety...love's embrace.

Writing blindly without seeing what is happening, life goes uncontrolled by the controlling. Faith is shaken to the cord of existence. Screams upon screams, the deaf still can't hear as the heart begins to fall apart, piece by piece. Breath by shaking; devoid of air, shallow like life until spirit comes through a different voice to awaken the goddess within the floating essence of goo and flesh. I have heard the shouting and waving arms to keep from harm... I continued to walk. That flame is so intriguing to the eye. The kiss arouses the moment.

Music stops mingling and tears form. melting the heart further down. Too far from the right flame,yet I breath the flame to reignite the heart and the adventure again. Be stillness and combusted into the truth that holds me in this space. I smile... knowing the brilliance of the flame within as it moves me to write, to breathe and dance. Laughing into the sunshine's ray and clouds to clear... though they may come again. Rain dance to cool the heat is just fine. Picking up the piece into a form of a poem or just sing.

Finding myself along the way and knowing I was never lost. Beauty lives within the understanding that each of us has an uniqueness no one can replace nor change. The true nature of this game is playing for the delight of the feelings with the openness allowed to be open with that smile on your face and in your heart. Namaste.

the deeper side of you by Phillip LaRue

Rambling with the Rumbling.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 20 Jul 2013 22:50:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman2013

Clouds are rumbling to the north as another teasing possibility of rain comes as the afternoon lingers on. I have always gotten motivation and inspired by the clouds and thunder, like the gods calling out to me to create. Those whispers of insights and words dancing with emotions led my way into the space of bliss.

Bliss. Stillness within Mother Nature’s rambling over the mountains, thirsty for a drink or two. I am thirsty as well, for those inspirations and whispering words inside my heart space beat. The inner music is like a drum pounding a little deeper as I watch the trees dancing in the increasing breeze.

I wonder why the enchantment of the thunderstorms hits me. All I know is that connection to nature… the breath of all that is out there seems a little more presence during a storm. So many memories and songs pop into my head, sitting on my old back porch watching the storm march across the north and east of town, as I waited for it slowly approaching me. Reaching out, like those romance novels where the man is running to his one true love. She sees him coming across the field and then getting stuck by lightning and dropping to the ground. She screams running and kneeing by his side and says, “You are so silly to run across a field during a thunderstorm.” Ha ha… Seems like a bad SNL skit to me. I digress for humor.

Slowly I come back to earth. Laughing at myself and the silliness of my thoughts, no one else will be at this point. I am reflecting and I haven’t been much. I have been living in the moment and growing up a bit.
After one loses everything she thought she valued, she gets a clue on what is really important. Possessions are not really that big of a deal. Reality check within what I truly loved in my life and what I just wasted or distracted myself with has hit me boldly. At my age and starting over, I can only laugh. I had a beautiful life that faded away as I lost my passions for my “work” and simply was there. At times, I had some great clients and enjoyed it. Now… I love writing stories, listening to stories and witnessing stories of life. Finding those moments that just make you smile and laugh out loud. Like yesterday, my mother waking from her daily nap wondering if it had rained. No, Mom… no such luck. Really, I really thought it had rained and I called out to you, Jenny, It is raining. I could hear the rain coming down hard. It was so real. She laughed at herself and her vivid dream.
So today, when she went to take her nap, she mentioned that I had to listen for her about the rain. She laughed back to her room. I continued watching the movie and getting inspired by the rambling outside that maybe Mom was right and it is going to rain. Won’t that be nice for Mom? She isn’t insane. Ha.

Rain being water and the grand water trine being here helps with that focus I have been looking for to write. Thank you Saturn and Jupiter. Woo hoo! Life is good and this is a weekend to strategy for many. Taking that time out and push forward the life you are creating. So of course I have to write and work on the website. Silly. I am feeling good about things. That heaviness has begun to life even more. I do miss that back yard and watching the storms. I will admit. Those would some amazing times for me and so happy I can remember that special feelings I got. I haven’t lost that and don’t think I will ever lose my inner inspirational guides whispering in the wind or rumbling in those dark summer skies. Namaste.

Road Trip Signs to Understanding

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 10:40:00 +0000

The signs are everywhere, if you are aware of them...if you feel there are meanings in them. When there are times when you need to take you out of the routine- some me time. And now seemed like the perfect time. An opportune time to do this. Those moment when the universe opens up and says Yes! The signs become obvious to me.

I was offered a time to teach at a summer conference. I looked at the budget to see the cost... I needed to manifest places to stay for free...hello Facebook! I asked a few friends about knowing someone willing to have me stay with them for a night or five in Mt. Shasta... I was I little surprised that all the spiritual people I know, no one in one of the sacred places.

Enter couchsurfing.org. An site where people offer a couch to stranger...to make a new friend. Great idea. I posted two weeks before in the Redding area... No reply. Hmm... Interesting. Things with the conference seemed disconnected to me. I felt out of the loop with the organizer and the conference.

I continued looking for places to stay... Checking with my timeshare and finding only one available near where I was going to... Northern California. This was in Clear Lake, one of the largest lakes in the states. Added bonus... No fees. I took it and plan my way up to this destination.

I got a feeling it was time to call my friend, Georgiann to set up time for her appearance on my radio program, AIR, to talk about her book among other things. I asked her if she knew anyone in San Francisco area. She did and wrote him, asking if I could come stay for a night. He replied... No problem. Great.

Next leg of this adventure was staying with someone in southern California... Call Christina with lots of Isagenix people. Boom...call Gail. Well, I had talked to Gail and she didn't think she knew anyone yet if she would be in town... Again no problem. Done! I found the two places to get me to Clear Lake.

Nothing for Mt. Shasta and the organizer attempted to chat with me on Skype. Skype has been breaking up and I couldn't understand him. I waited for an email that never came and didn't know where he was staying. Again, that weird vibe was happening. After another sign that I wasn't part of the team... So I contacted the organizer to let him know I wasn't coming to the conference a full week in advance so he would have time to reorganize anything he needed to. He was surprised and seemed a little upset. I made my decision. No guarantee payment yet I would spend money for this and stop my line income to do this. Not practical for me.

Signs that I made the right decision came quickly... Like a new clients from new source of income. And more than enough for the expenses for the adventure.

I obviously needed the road trip to Northern California... And enjoyed it. I have been on this for three legs of the trip... Enjoying and clearing... Clarity comes through when you pay attention to the signs. There is something about the open road that brings that clarity and re-connection I was needed to move forward with more understanding about my path. We are all moving faster forward than we may think, as time is moving forward faster than it has been. It is time to breathe deep and enjoy even more.

Trust me... by Amanda Marshall

Gratitude for the Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 15 May 2013 23:42:00 +0000

flying by (c)jenniferhillman2012

Do we really know someone? I asked myself this question once in a while when something takes me back a bit. It doesn't happen as much as I pretty much stay out of others’ business these days. I have enough drama in my life, Thanks.

I have been reflecting on the things I am “lived” through and the experiences I have created… a bit of drama there, lots of humor, sensual intrigue, yet overall… I am seeing the different side of myself through the storms and looking at the people who have been steady in my life and those that have come and gone. Some left out of the disappointment of expectations on one side or the other. Lessons learned, yet I still am open to them all. The bitterness doesn't linger the way it used to with me… It just isn't worth it. I catch myself more often and quicker when I am beginning to obsess about a situation and the reaction.

Have you done that more as well? Stop yourself and say…what am I doing this for?

Okay, okay… sometimes it just feels right to bitch and moan a little bit. Grinning here as I see the paradox of friendships… Of relationships of all kinds. I get it now.

I had a few people tell me “Jen, you are a love bug and always there for others.” Is there a problem with that? I got boundaries and compassion through those people who stuck through the muck with me, before I grew up and wasn't such an INOB (insecure, nagging, obsessive bitch). If anything, I can be bluntly honest with myself and others. I say it like I see it. I have learned to accept myself and others for our flaws and human experiences as they are.

I see how I have sabotaged some friendships with my insecurity and bitchiness Ego was intact and the boundaries were being adjusted. I had many of those “what about me” sessions with myself and a few friends who held my hands as I basically damaged and sabotaged my life with such deep negativity… how else it could be but the way it turned out. I lost everything except a few precious things… my family and those friends who stood by me and the new ones who help me restart my life. Objects are objects that could be replaced for the most part. Friendships are special and the ones who left maybe gone forever. I can only love them for all they were for me. I am blessed by knowing all of them.

The power of words has long been known by me with a deep respect of affirmations and writing down goals and things I wish to achieve or experience. That famous Bucket List.

It is up to me to be open to receive and embrace all of those things… and continue to grow. I give thanks to those who have been through it all with me… and they know who they are. And even if we go in different directions for a bit, I hope they know… That door isn't close between us. It may tarnish or bruised… yet you are a part of my life.

Enjoy your life to the fullest and the best happiness to you. Thanks for the smiles, the tears and those lessons learned. Namaste.

Innocence Redefined

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 17:41:00 +0000

“Innocence can be redefined and called stupidity. Honesty can be called gullibility. Candor becomes lack of common sense. Interest in your work can be called cowardice. Generosity can be a called soft-headedness, and observe; the former is disturbing.” ~Abraham Maslow

The innocence of the moment is the innocence of your soul and the awareness of the moment is your truth. I connect strongly with Maslow’s quote as it fits me and the experience I have had over the recent years. I do my best to be honest, have candor and interest in others and am generosity, yet the other has appeared. I am often told and called Angel. I am humbled and a little resistant in a sense to allow this. It is a blessing to help and assist everyone I have met and I meet. It is one of my greatest joys; they are one of my purposes of my heart to show others the way back to the innocence to their truth… the fearless, joyous sense of purest love and truth. Though some of the others have taken advantage of this nature of me and used it against me, consciously and maybe not. Still it is obvious with the actions and words lacking integrity. The opportunist comes out and plays at my expense. My lessons. Though to be the change, I must be the change, Right?

Am I always in the place of fearlessness, myself? Ha. No. That is when the Cosmic Joke Gang shows up and reminds be as I got caught in these 3D illusions of fear, worthlessness and despair, plus being empathetic I feel others as well. I have experience much of what the people who come into my life have or are in the present moment. I am blessed with a strong connection to Source of Love and Light and that gets me through being human in this spiritual adventure. I have to laugh and cry to release the shit created.

I have not had an easy existence, though these are lessons I signed up for. Silly me. Many challenges that I signed up showed my truth of the illusions and it is the inner strength of faith in myself and that Source that keeps me going… with the gentle reminders with 2x4 or dearest friends who have stood by me. I can not ever thank them all enough for their patience and brilliance in my life. I am so grateful to you all.

One thing that I know and we, me and my close friends have in common is that awareness of the truth, the Light/Love and the parallels in life are collapsing now. The co-creation process we have learned and share with others; to hold the energies of Love in the darkest of moments, feeling the tears down our face and the light turns on in our hearts. We have all been there and understand the frustration of this human existence, when in fact we know that is so much more beyond the illusions.

At times, I see beyond the illusions of a soul to the potential brilliance. In this 3D reality, they may show something quite different… the ego, the fears, the selfishness through their actions, deeds and words. Perhaps not understanding the truth of the situation and interactions, the payback of karma or what they asked for without realizing it. I have seen and done that myself so many times. Silly, really. I tend to hold onto that inner spirit and potential I see, regardless of the present reality and I can mess me up as I am not hearing or seeing the truth of their physical experience and reactions. The truth of character and the games can blindside me, though I see and hope that inner spirit of truth appears. Most of the time, it doesn't I accept them for whom and what they are, yet what I am hearing and seeing, at times, isn't what they are showing in this 3D reality though aware of its presence. I am seeing the multi-dimensional spirit. Then the 2x4 comes, showing the person as they are in this dimension only and I tend to let go, walking away as that is all I can do. I do remain friends with that person in truth. I am available to them as I still hold onto that faith that the inner spirit will come out and be that physical presence some day. I have to allow myself to let go through growth and be present as I allow them to live and experience that life they are to have. If they included me in a healthy situation, it continues. If not, we may part for a time for regrouping and realigning. It is not easy for me to see the many sides of a person or event as it does confuse me. At times, it is the healthy thing I can do for myself and the friendship...to be silent for a bit for the realigning for all involved. The connection doesn't truly just change, it dies to make room for a more positive interaction to happen for both sides. Deeper inner truths can be revealed in the silence about the situation. I have a greater appreciation for such friendships as the silence gives me the clarification of the relationship and friendship, especially if a deep connection is felt and known to my heart space.

It is through awareness that you experience what you get. What you give out is returned in some form. I recognized that every day, through the challenges and the triumphs and if I learned from the situation. It is all a triumph, in truth or I will get it back until I really get it. We all are the co-creators in this masquerade party called life. Returning to the innocence of truth and experience the awe as a child with all the stars dancing before us is the goal I am working on achieving, for myself and all that enter my life.

""The silence often of pure innocence persuades when speaking fails." ~ William Shakespeare

Echoes of the Emptiness

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:32:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman2012

I stopped dreaming. Well, I know better. It is better to say I stop trusting my dreams and visions. Stop trusting myself and the universe as my world crumbled down to the ground, except I didn't truly let go of it all. That flicker of light, love and hope…faith in trusting I would get through. Belief systems questioned with reorganized, redesigned, and redefined through the fires of the releasing of my life I had become so comfortable in and ignoring those inner words of “suggestions.” Warnings become inevitable. Yes I am responsible.

Sure I learned to stop playing the blame game… remembering the energy out is the energy back, seeing it in action and knowing it. Anger, tears and letting go of the material things, pride, ego and a self righteous attitude; that pretender of what I was told of being changed as I become humbled in my own defeats. I learned to watch my words more carefully as they happening quickly. My guidance was pushing me to follow their lead, I surrendered in joy to those suggestions and life began again.

Running away from the situation, cleared my head and heart and I began to trust again in myself, my co-creating and enjoy living again. Improving follow through on my words and beginning to see the reasons for the harsh lessons. It is like Abraham-Hicks suggest…”Do whatever you need to do to be happy.” Then things will change.

Visions and dreams of years ago came through and another world opened up as I ran away from the deep stress I created for myself… because ignoring the warnings. Ignored opportunities that could have changed the outcome in a very positive way left me seeing my mistakes, or hard lessons as one thing after another pushed to the edge of destruction.

Deepening my openness with the release… as abilities came through stronger more refined, more determined. I balanced myself out and made better choices, taking the responsibility to finish up the past and let go.

Let go of the stories/illusions that held me prisoners and my abundance away from me. As I say to many clients… write the story out with the different ending and watch the shifting energies. Dreams always happen, even if you don’t remember. That deep subconscious healing essence of you, working things out; trusting everything is a temp situation except that lesson you are learning. Hold onto that, or relearn it again. It is harder the second, third time around. Trust me on that one.

Focus on the positive as the world is turning upside down, knowing it is all temporary, except the lessons we all are learning here…again. Trust the dreams within as they are a part of you with paying attention to them. You are the co-creator of your life. Trust yourself in creating a great one. Namaste.

Love and Be Your Best Lover

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:35:00 +0000

Love. Love and all its complexity… Or is it? Humans tend to make things tougher and more complicated than it really it. Simply know that if someone makes time for you, as a friend or more… you are special and loved. Appreciate them. Understand the interaction that is possible with this moment.

In truth… we are all here to experience love. Love in all its forms and amazing ways. The beauty, the grace, the pain and sorrow… yet in each juncture… we grow in the understanding of ourselves. Either becoming more open or pushing away of the options of love. We are refining what we want and will accept in our lives. Know each person has a purpose… they are a mirror and if you are feeling a push or pull… it is your own heart doing this. Your thoughts brought this person into your life… for the possibility…of the good, the bad and ugly. It is how you response and react to the person that will show the amount of growth in this moment.

Someone once said to me, “If it flows, it will grow. If not, it won’t. And then you let go.” This is true, though I do know quite a few women and men that hold on for that hopeless situation to turn around, drowning it that dream… physically or spiritually. I am one of those people. I have learned to just let go if the person makes me feel like an option and not a priority in their lives. I have lived through the games of the heart and now see when men and women are setting themselves up for sabotages. It is quite a game they are playing and so many get hooks in the excuses and apologies that it clouds the mind and the heart.

Forgiveness is a gift and does wondrous things for love. Forgiveness is needed is all ways; Especially to oneself and to that other people shining your face in the mirror of a reality check.

Ask yourself these simple questions:

Are you really open to love?

Have you let of the past go or still clinging on?

If you are still constantly thinking of that person, you are a cling-on. And holding on and letting go for real love to come into your life.

I am not saying someone in your past can’t come back. I am saying you need to let go of the past to embrace new possibilities to arrive in your heart. If you are holding onto the past dreams and situations… your heart isn’t open to that beautiful love you are deserving and craving.

The more you love yourself, the more someone else will love you. You need to be whole and complete within yourself to even have a chance of that true love. A love relationship is a bonus in this lifetime. You are your own best friend. Know yourself, accepting and allowing your flaws and you will meet that person who will too… As you will be able to accept and allow them to be true to self as you are. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Senses of the Moment's Breath

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 12:29:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman2012

Be still for a moment.
Closing your eyes... open all your senses.

What do you sense…feel, smell, taste, hear and “see” within? Do you feel the stars tickling you with their smile? Do you feel the trees’ whispering against your neck? Or what about that kiss from the person you have been daydreaming about? Sense the sweet deliciousness in this moment.

Do you smell the fragrance of the early dawn dew on the plants around you? Do you smell freshly brewing coffee or perhaps herbal tea of flower petals and spices? Or maybe baking bread, rich with cinnamon and cardamom? Smell the richness of this moment.

Oh yes... the sensual essence of honey on your tongue with the taste of nature’s brilliance? Or is it the smoky earthy presence of your last cigarette and being deep in thought? The dance of and mingling savoring of the last meal is clinging to you now? Taste the vivid reality surrounding you.

Is the low humming tune of your computer’s fan catching your ear? Soft music you have playing in the background to keep you focused and aware? Or is it your own heart beat pounding and soul’s desires whispering? Listen to the moment calling to you.

Do you see the colors of a rainbow? Of love’s sweet caress? Or the same view as your eyes open? See the truth of who and what you be.

The connection with all is within our senses. As the world is changing and shifting, a greater appreciation of yourself and everything beckons us to connect deeper and with all senses alive. Gratitude is magic as are our dreams and imagination. Dream Big, Imagine a Great Beautiful Reality with the appreciation of all you are and be in this now moment.

Now as the New Cycle Begins...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 18:36:00 +0000

And the dawning of the new day…After time has stop and your thoughts bring you your reality so quickly… you need to be very aware of what you are thinking and saying. Your actions have many meanings and consequences. Be conscious of it all now. No need to worry about having “things” and your heart knows exactly where to go. Trust yourself and have faith… you are exactly where you are to be. Trust those moments pushing you to keep going; Trust those inner nudges to go and be here or there… now; Trust that you are going to be just fine whatever happens and where you go… Go with passion, focus and love.

Love all that is and understand others have their own plans, journey and focus. You may not be on the same page now… Let them be. Truth will prevail and friendships will grow at their own rate, no forcing it. Love is everywhere and all that is.
Politics, money-worries, the overall dramas of humanity are just distractions of the illusions to what is most important… LOVE.

Focus on the love and the right moves will come for changing the dynamics of this planet. No moaning or bitching what is going on with the corporations and governments. I am not saying don’t acknowledge the bullshit ways of the greedy ways… Lessons here. You can play their game or just play a game. Which is it for you?

As it is often stated… BE THE CHANGE. That change is the attitude of improving yourself and others who you attract into your experience. Pay attention to who you are attracting and find the reason, and the change will come.

Come to an understanding and compassion of your true powers and true self. It is all unfolding now; fully being express as the spring warm cometh. Right now, with the winter solstice, we are integrating, recentering and aligning with the magic within coming out and up. Focus on the life you are co-creating for this new cycle of consciousness and awareness of what we are and we be. Enjoy the magic and manifest what you truly enjoy and wish into your life. ~jh

Together in Love, We Heal

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 12:19:00 +0000

I feel the children’s innocence and trust when I look into their eyes. Though I made a conscious not to have any kids, I do feel the pain of a loss of a child. I feel deeply. I feel each tear down the cheeks of the parent who got the news that his/her child died on December 14, 2012 and every time… the reason for this tragedy is still unknown.

As President Obama said so eloquently… “Our hearts are broken.” And we are confused and angry and confused and what the hell is going on? Then we may stop and think. Bow our heads and say a silent pray for those lost and those hurting and those of us so far away, feeling helpless to help.

I sit here, numb, like most people are and it is reminding me of 9/11. That same feeling of surrealistic vibration and think to myself… there is good in this? Perhaps…the gathering of Americans; of families; communities; and maybe the government will stop and think as we hang in limbo financially. This hit home to most people in some bizarre thinking of is the way life is now?

My childhood was decades ago (yet still a kid at heart) and I still can remember playing on the street, the front yard and not worrying. Street lights went on and the kids went home to a home cooked meal and a family gathering. Hearing about everyone’s day and laughing at the fun moments of the day. TV watching was limited, yet was becoming the babysitter of choice. We still played outside. Now it is hazardous to drink out of the hose.
The strength of the American family has changed. I see it in my siblings’ kids. The basic goodness is there as we were taught by our parents. Yet I also see the mirrors of my nephews’ parents and their own kids. I laugh and still feel.

Each time this country comes to a point of concern, the tragedy happens to push us over the edge to unity. Are we getting the message yet? How many of people need to died in this fashion for us to “get it” through our thick heads?

We are one, and together we can get through the economic situations and thrive.
We are one, and together we can get through the Mother Nature wake up calls.
We are one, and together we can get through by raise the vibration of this planet with LOVE.

We are in this together as humanity. And in a race of sanity, love, and peace can be found. Together… not brother against brother… remember the corporations are made up of people. And perhaps those moments of confusion are here so we all remember this fact. We are here together. Love each moment as if it is your last. Tell each person you love...that you do. And through everything, we are family. We are a mirror for each other. Each child/person that died yesterday is our child: apart of us… our inner child and innocence.

So, deep breathe and say thank you for this day. Hug everyone you feel close to and let them know how you feel. And love yourself, your family and friends. Love that stranger and share a smile. It is how we will heal and grow stronger. Together we stand and we are one… in love. Namaste. ~jh

In the Essence of Truth

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 12:47:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman2011

In the presence of all that is… I sensed Love; that embracing all consuming essence of Love and Joy and Peace and… You can name and place any and all positive adjectives here. It was a moment of moments… remembering the truth and remembering that truth I didn't want to leave, forget nor let go of. Especially after the Silence spoke: “You are Love and Loved. Don’t Forget That.”
I didn't forget the words, yet at times, I did the meaning. I got wrapped up in the “worldly” things. Then something always took me back to that moment and that feeling of this is just an experience I signed up for and simply enjoy the illusion. You don’t have to nor are buying it… just experiencing this potential. The highs and the lows.
And that is what this is about… the experience of understand this game of life.

Those moments of desperate angst as the life stops flowing and then when you can’t seem to do anything wrong. You are in the life’s flow or vortex. It is all magic and love.
Magic is the understanding your own power of imagination and with a little thought about that possibility…the Universe says…Okay, that is what you want to experience so you get it…that you don’t want that experience…really. You know you can do better and slowly you do. You focus your thoughts and move into a better way of thinking… Or I did. Those words after the head on collision:

“You are Love and Loved.”

How more simple can they say it? It can be so simple that one may just scratch the head and go “HUH?”

The spiritual teachers and gurus tell you the same and as humans we can make it so difficult… I know I did.
Yet the Universe is listening and watching. And they tend to show me in the direction of someone who knows it and opens the mind up again...And again, and again. I do get it.
And as the moment of sharing a loving conversation with a wonderful friend this morning who gets it too… and the unlimited of this experience is now, I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be for this time, being love and being loved. Trusting the thoughts of unlimited potentially are all for my highest good with compassion and joy.

It is simple to make life easy or difficult. The more demands of your thoughts, the more you are asking to be reminded of the simple fact… You are love and loved. BE.

Be happy, be kind and be open to the experiences you create into your life. You are not your body… You are a soul and love in the pure essence in all that is. Be real. Be true. Be creative in your experience…Be in love. Namaste. ~jh

Smiling for Manifesting

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 12:51:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman 2011

In the early morning darken room, the phone rings. It is a client calling. Most questions seem to be relationship situation… Is she/he the right one? Is this going to happen? Why is he/she acting this way? And with these questions, I ask them a few of simple questions… Why do you doubt? What is your gain? And most important here: What do you want to create with this?

With this, they generally stop thinking and come to understand their part in the situation. The answers come to them within themselves. Someone just needed to ask them to stop reacting and listen to their hearts. Many clients just need to calm down to see what they are creating for themselves.

I have come to a point of realizing if I am questioning anything, it isn't right. If I doubt something, something is off. It may be just my thinking about the situation or more information is needed. Most of the time, it is my thinking need realigning and clarification. I ask myself those same questions. It helps to calm the mind and listen.

Closing your eyes and reimagining the dream, feel it, see it and remember to let it go. No need to continue that pondering. It is done. Time is direct and you have placed it on your timeline. Any questions or doubt, erase it. You can check on the process and be assured that it is still there. Then stop and follow your heart. Trust and Live, Laugh and Love. Be well. The whispering guidance with the Indian voice fades away in my mind.

My abilities and sensibility have increase like most people, on the path or not. As the time grows near to the 12-12-12 date, we all are being upgraded in some form. Perhaps just in how we think about ourselves, other people in our lives, our situations, we are coming into a point of zero.

Point of zero is the endless possibilities and potentials realized. It is a major shift of the perception we all have and it is a choice we make to be at the zero point. Through forgiveness, positivity and the understanding of all you are is all you be… and that is good. In other words, accept yourself and others as they are in every moment. Allow them to have their down moments, their questions and concerns, and uniqueness showing. This is their light. Their gift to you and your gift to them.

Each of us has the ability to block the negativity that surrounds us and is within us. It is so simple. Smile. Simply smiling will block the negativity in your life as you stop holding onto the thought, the reaction, and the impact of the situation. Breathe in deep and smile after exhaling it all. Life is magically and good.

Listen while you smile. You will hear your heart beating and a calming essence and peace will embrace your being. And that is what we are doing here…To be. Be true to your dreams, yourself and be in the moment. So you don’t miss something you dreamed about coming to you. Simply smile and be. ~jh

Awaken While Dying

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 17:22:00 +0000

Phophet (c)jenniferhillman2011

“He will die in his sleep.” I looked over the yard, watching Prophet, the Pit Bull mix dog sleeping under the large tree. With the silence of the early morning, the whispering voice said clearly, “He will die in his sleep.” Thoughts went to the age of this dog companion being 14 years old and his owner would be grateful for the ease of his passing. She had just euthanize another dog about the same age.

Again, for three days, each morning the same message came through. “He will die in his sleep.” On the third day’s night, Prophet jumped on the bed. Something he hadn't done before. Becky, his owner, said she could get him down. No, there is a reason for this. It’s okay. We went to sleep until the reason called.

At 3:45am, the reason for his presence came in a call from my sister. Dad is gone. He died in his sleep. Mom is okay. I am okay. No rush to come here.
Sitting up in the bed, petting Prophet, I thanked him for his comfort and friendship while being the messenger for this. I gently cried, yet celebrated his passing. He was free of his pain, free of the controlling women in his life that he loved dearly. Free to fly as his heart always loved doing as a pilot for the Air Force.

Time has passed and now a year later, I reflect on the ways of my life and the immense changes I am now going through. When my dad first passed, he came to me in a dream and told me not to worry and be happy. And tell your mother she doesn't need a dingy dog; just get a cat for God sake. That fits my dad to a T.

My life continues to change and I appreciate the family and friends more at times. I stop and enjoy the sweetness of the time of tears and laughter I share with them. Yes, the sisters are still bossy as ever, not that I do as they say. Being the youngest, I have gotten that my entire life. I used to do everything they told me until I realized most of it was for their amusement and my humility. I felt like I died a thousand times because of them. I still have that feeling as things that don’t serve fall away for the highest good.

Like Dad dying when he did. It was the right time for my dad to physically leave. His life was full of achievements, joy, love, friendships and family. That is the only way to live. He had taken care of things for Mom financially and knew everyone would be okay. So he peacefully left with his true love by his side… I can’t think of a better way to go.

With the realizations through the speed of this year and the shifts continuing to happen, I still remember what my dad said to me in the dream; don’t worry, be happy and you are going to be just fine. A wise word from a man who was always worrying, though he lived his life to the fullest. I am doing my best to follow that advice… one moment at a time.

Whisper sweetly the tenderness of the moment. Let the love teach you the true meaning and passion of this experience we share. With gratitude and reverence for the blessings and miracles I receive and witness, my heart still beats as the little things die to be reborn with a greater joy for life in each moment. ~jh

Moments of Intimate Honesty

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 17:44:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman 2011

There are moments of honesty that bring a smile to my face and others that make I stop. Those moments of twisted words and nuances have a deeper meaning to them within them and the person who speaks them. Those moments of honesty can bring new light at the pain the person is living and attempting to heal in some form. That rips off the bandage to kiss the boo-boo away; made so deep it needs some attention now. It created this moment.

Those realizations may seem desperate and so poignant, maybe even taking one’s breathe away. As you calmly witness how you have touched that person and allow this honesty to happen. Being presence in this moment is so important to you and for this person. To read between the lines and understand what is really going on here.

Now it is also a moment for you to listen to your heart and what this means to you, perhaps about you and your world. Where have you been hurting and screaming for attention and felt yourself gone silent? It now makes your soul known and real.

As the energy goes deep within the soul and the winter’s cold pushes you within for the time of rest and deeper understandings about yourself, take time to breathe again and don’t rush yourself. This moment is full of potential life changing magic. You can’t miss it. Your heart whispers gently your truths. Stop, look and listen to your heart. Cliché, yes; But wise. Enjoy these moments as you are embrace the truth of you. Namaste.

Gratitudes of this Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 16:48:00 +0000

Ah... delightful days of gratitude. My heart is filled with the beauty and grace the Universe is blessings me. Confirmation of affirmations continues to unfold as my true magic embraces and empowers me and others. I raise my vibration with a knowingness at the overall plan of the divine is always perfectly timed for me and others. The powerful teachers I have attracted telling me just how powerful I truly am. The wisdom shows me the way each moment and I feel the Love of Spirit in and around me. The joyous songs of the early morning and the breeze continue her whispers of encouragement and blissful murmurs. Feeling the presence of a dear friend's hello is wonderful and I am grateful for all of this and more. Enjoy your weekend.

Alive and taking in the beauty of all the blessings I enjoy on this early morning. My heart awakens by the thought of love, the sweetness of connection, a kiss and hug. The embracing nature of the lessons is within a relationship and the mirror and reflections of the depth of one's soul. I bow my head to Grace and my guidance. Inner voice and whispering brilliance of ideas and possibilities are surrounding me in this glorious moment of breath. The sweetness of beginning and tears of endings is this lifetime; with the agreements and understandings to be and release the angst to love happening. Love is each breath I take in gratitude and bliss for this moment of being.

The day dawns and inspiration from the stars starts my moment of gratitude. I look to the heavens and the lights of love smile back at me...I can only smile with such a blessings as I write my thoughts with words of wonder. Hands on the keys and words form such poetic joy onto the screen as I count my blessings with these. Thankful for the teachers of the past open for a conversation; the new friends that open their hearts and understanding support; the inner voice releasing the bigger plan one moment at a time; the embracing offers and smiles shared. My heart opens wide with the blessings of the walks of difference and union of minds; the ability to listen and read between the lines; the creation of now and power of breath; feeling the bliss of spirit's presence; the opening of possibilities and the chance of choice. So it is, so it will be...brilliantly.

The cool morning opens my heart in gratitude... this Chiron return which surfaces my wounds to be healed, letting go of the past and the impact it has had on my life... now dissolving into a blissful space of joy and abundance; using my anger as a motivator for a better reality; recognizing my resisting ego and understanding the twist and turns of self sabotage; the inner voice with supporting wisdom and the physical friends smiling with an appreciation for my presence in their lives.

I am grateful for the animals in my life: My dogs and all the lessons they taught me, with love, fun and patience. Holding a hummingbird three times and embracing such magic and nature’s elegance. Nature and all her wonderment shares her thunderstorms with cool breezes on hot summer days. The graceful moment felt wings of a great horned owl as she flew over me in silence majestic ways. The lizards I saved out of the pool staying with me as a gesture of thanks...before continuing their lives. The visitations of the wolf, bobcat and eagle...among a few others animals are memories of wonder. I am grateful for the I am grateful for Mother Earth's kindness and beauty and grow more in love with her everyday... I am thankful for this moment of gratitude, the sunshine on my face each day.

Giving thanks for this moment with friends, far and near... for calling and saying HI! You're awesome. For the smile and support I receive each day for these blessings in unique essences; the dance with the morning sun and the kiss from the stars up above; for each clients' trust; for the insights for the silence within each breath; new wisdom and each release; the past mistakes' lessons and karma being paid; With a hug from mom each morning with her smile on her beautiful face.

‎Each year I lived... fully and with a better understanding of life, laughter and love. Being sexy... and loving myself. The friends have come into my life and now gone. What a trip.

Thank you to them for the lessons learned the laughter and love shared. I am accepting my true value... priceless as I have the courage to take risk. With those risks, I made mistakes... lots of them. Appreciate the hard lessons at time. I am growing from each of them. I deeply appreciate and thank you...thank you for each moment and being that cosmic joke at times. :D

Ah, the sweetness of gratitude in this moment of bliss. The connection of self and all the aspects of self I truly am with those mirrors of reflections. The simple moments of meditation and prayer bring the new insights of self with this journey I am upon; the beauty, the struggles, the creation of all. Connection with heart and center of God spark. All is it is as it is, in gratitude and great appreciation. Life is good. Namaste.

Truths Dwell within the Silence of the Desert

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 15:11:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman 2010

Silence of the desert dwells…Yet not just in Egypt. This is a story of the desert of the soul, the heart… most of all… the mind. Each part has truth. Truths to be reveal to you within the nights of the soul, the heart and mind.

The mind’s journey through the desert comes within the physically of life. The dreams within the dream of man or woman are where the mind dwells. Surrounded by arid land of wonder, convince one to continue on and on…in search for something, what? Only the mind knows yet looks outside at the dry, hot and seemingly empty space of dust. This is the land where I met the Goddess Isis. She came in a vision of pure white light; Powerful, yet feminine in grace. “Look, Child”… “Look around you and see… each grain of sand is you; you and all your aspects, lives and adventures. The dreams you have lived, the dreams you have died for, the love that lives and dwells within you… you are a survivor.

Each grain has a message for you. A beautiful love note of solitude and grace awaits you. Sit within with the mind and absorb your truths within each grain of sand. Remember all of who you are now. The sands of time never forget and always forgive.” Isis faded away and I sat down in the warm sand, feeling the grains between my fingers. The sands of time began to dance and melt to a flame, awakening my mind to the realities I have lived, lessons I have learned and knowing all is reveals to those who are patient and focused with intention.

Feeling the heat, little water and great thirst for truth, the mind does go looking outside as it continues the search for the nurturing sip of water; Searching for the comfort of answers, knowledge and of course, truth. How one comes to realize the well of all that you need does not generally come to mind immediately. Trial and error serves it purpose. The different ways and pace of walking across the sands; the time of travel; the distance and the convenient methods of giving up and surrendering… Surrendering to what? To the desert, to the elements, to God, Source or Truth; Or simply to self and the God spark that dwells within.

Wisdom is convenient things to lend on with things go awry for you. I lived in an actual desert for over 25 years, learning to understand the beauty within this arid lucid land. The wisdom of survival is available in every part of the desert. Finding the simplicity of living life fully and be still empowers the mind to let go and trust the nature order of life and its eternal grace.

With the glow of the Goddess’ Light, the moon High Priestess, Isis showed other aspects of the mind. The gentle peace of the mindless and meditative state that comes with the silence of the desert’s cooling breeze in the midnight hour. Life within life, beyond the physicality of the land into the mystic will be the ultimate reality of your heart’s desires.

The mystic within you give rise and shine in the sands of the desert. Many eons of dreams be born within these dunes. Each one brings promise, heart and your soul to life…and to death. You are the child of the stars and you came like a dew drop of morning sunshine upon this land. “Understand dear Child… do understand the implication of your existence like these grains of sand, each has a purpose, yet none at all. Praise each one for the little and the lot of them. Smile now.” “Dream now… breathe in the truth that lives, like the raindrops of the cloudy skies…the tears of your heart…like the blood inside of you runs, pulsate through each moment.”

“Alas, we meet again, here in this place of mystic illusions dance. Come with me into the depth of this place…called your heart. The center, like the sun, gives life to all your dreams…your truths that be in this space lives a life in waiting. So you learn of patience and persistence in this place.” This is the space of intuitive guidance, where you gain the open door to the wisdom hidden in your soul.” “The heart and soul are connected to your past, your future and this now moment. They blend and dance with the sand with the music of the stars to make your dreams come true.” Your soul is the deepest sense of self.

The soul has memory banks, with the help of your heart brings all your wishes into the physicality of the mind to manifestation. Trust yourself is trusting your heart, your soul and the Universe that lives within. There is nothing more you need to trust. You are all you need for your dreams to come true. And with this trusting wisdom, the secrets of the universe are yours for the creating. So, go now. Live to the fullest of this moment allows and know it is all in perfect order as you created to be so. As Above, So Below… in the splendor of the ages, you bring forth all that is around you. Understanding this brings all the sweetness the world has to offer. Enjoy this moment as the sands of time are collecting them to be remembered and forgiven with grace unto the midnight full moons each month.

Time is endless as you are. Speak your truth with kindness and the universe will be returning the kindness. Your motivations are changing like the shifting winds across the sand dunes. Surrounding you with much magic to serve you and serve you will as you understand the secrets revealed to you now. Trust, dear Child… trust yourself and smile.

The Goddess Isis faded into the moon’s brilliance, leaving me with a deep blissful feeling of love. The unity of the mind, heart and soul brings the magic alive with each breath, in love and kindness beyond the moment of time. Looking at the vast openness of the desert, I felt the immense peace to my spirit. I give thanks for this moment and hope it serves all well. Namaste.

Abstract Illusion Radio 2009-10-01

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 20:58:00 +0000

Abstract Illusion Radio 2009-10-01 60 minutes Acceptance?

Question of the show: Are you truly be accepting of yourself if you are judging others... as they are a reflection of you?
What are your thoughts? Feedback and comments are welcomed.

Being Present Within the Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 02:49:00 +0000

(c)jenniferhillman2012

What is your first thought in the morning?

Do you want to roll over and go back to sleep? Or do you lie there… pondering your day ahead? Perhaps say a little prayer and count your blessings? Meditate? Or rush out of bed, thinking you are late for something? Perhaps you give your mate a kiss and enjoy a few moments with them?

The first moments of the day are the pace your day will be. Being more aware of this, let look again at how you started your day? Now let’s think about the connection of your mood with your first thoughts to the way your day go? Has it been a productive day or rushing around and seemingly getting nothing really done? Ahead of yourself and the blessings keep coming in…as you smile, focus, contented and feeling good. Or is your mind still on that moment with your mate and distracting you? Delicious distraction, though back to this moment, please.

How are you wasting your day? Or are you? Each moment is the moment of fulfillment. Is your day controlling you or you controlling the day? The choice and opportunity is yours. Don’t beat yourself up if you now wondering where your day went. Smile, knowing that you did exactly as you would to do for this day. Tomorrow is another day.

Each moment is sacred to the whole. So if you spent an extra hour reading post of Facebook instead of finishing up that report or writing that blog, you were paying attention to a friend who wanted someone to share that moment with them. Sweet. A blessing to both.

In truth, there are no wasted moments, there are only choices. Accepting that you made that choice in the moment may come back, yet why let it get to you? Ask yourself this question… Do you enjoy that moment? If yes, great. Let go and let be. If not, you learned from it so… Let go and Let Be.

Being present to the moment is the best thing you can do for all things you are doing. I have been reading a few different things on being productive in your life. Great blogs, books and great suggestions for some people. Yet, for me, they are a little off base with one thing. What is right for them may not be right for you. It comes down to the choices you make in that moment. For me, I do what is called be in the moment and what is right to do… is. It may be three things at one time and guess what? I do get the details and I do have a consistent progress with all my projects on my timetable. It all gets done.

So in this very moment, I appreciate you stopping or looking at my blog. There are some things to consider for you. It is great to get suggestions on how to do things and be. Ponder on it and be true to you. I actually have had some people stop working with me because I didn’t follow their suggestions. I thank them for it and considered if it would work for me.

If I get inspired to do something else in the middle of another project, am I going to let go of a possible genius moment because someone told me just to focus on one thing? Uh, no. I may just write down that idea and continue with the original project which I probably got the same way. Appreciate your ways of being productive. If you are in integrity with yourself and others; you deliver on time with the project… who gives a damn how you got there… Just that you got there and be free of the restraints of society’s norm. It's all good. Be true, Keep it real, Be You… Namaste.

Ignore your previous experience and go into the moment. Be Here Now.

See what there is to work with right now in creating yourself anew.

Life is an ongoing, never-ending process of re-creation. ~Neale Donald Walsch

Valuing the Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 02:38:00 +0000

The value of a friendship, a situation or even just a moment is the value of impact for your growth in your evolution. As things may not last forever, one thing does… the impact essence of you on another and vice versa. It may be in the silence of your soul or a memory that brings a smile to your face or as they say, “that one that got away.” The truth is that person, situation or moment changed you. Some connections bring out the best, making you a better person or perhaps the worst of you, when the ego and the mind take control; the mirror needed to be expressed or surfaced and acknowledged. The depth of the connection may vary as does the meaning you place on that person, situation or moment. It is up to YOU to give it the meaning it has for you, if any meaning at all.

The meaning of this all is to evolve and grow in compassion to self and embrace the mirror within you reflected in others. The “how” and “ways” does not matter. Distance, nor the age of the person or situation makes little difference in the impact of the meeting of the hearts and the mirror when it comes to the lesson. Like fingertips passing through the waters deep…on ships of gold and silver, the exchange has brought you to this point of awareness and changed you… the lasting meaning to your evolution is how you react to the interaction… with kindness or harshness… Harshness creates a trigger that reflects in relearning that learn until kindness and compassion fills you entirely. Kindness is compassion and love as I expressed in another blog, Open Letter to a Soul Mate in understanding the creation.

While I was talking with a friend, I came to understand the depth of how I created some situations and I am seeing the changes as I change my attitude about it. The kinder thoughts produce a better outcome. This friend stated something that made him rethought about a current situation. “You deserve cashmere and you are in K-mart”… how is that reflected with the people around you?

Interesting reflection and perhaps a judgment of sorts isn’t it. You can get cashmere in K-mart. It is the reflection of efficiency and openness that places the value on that cashmere. The label or meaning you put on it is all that matters, not what society does. It is like saying… having friends from the “wrong” side of the track. Again, a judgment is being placed by association of the location, neither the heart connection nor spiritual growth potential.

Like minded individuals and situations are located every where you are attracted to…and the more you resist that attraction, the strong the attraction will persist. This is Universe law… so even if your intention is to walk away, avoid, ignore that situation or person, it will still be with you. There is still a value with you and in you about this.

This reminds me of the story of the king that traveled as a beggar to see who his true people were. He went to one house of wealth and was turned away… then another. Then he went to the poorest man, who had little to offer this beggar yet still shared his meal with him. The next day, the king returned gold to this man for his kindness.

So your thoughts produce the life you’re in and your actions tell where your heart is with the truth. Kindness will give you riches as the negative will continue to take it away as you wonder why.
We all deserve and are worthy of the riches and the form of the riches does come in all ways. The people, situation and moments in your life are making the impact of the kinds of riches you have in your life, Gold or Coal.

A whispering of kindness and a smile may change a person live in many ways. Live through your heart and the world around will change for the better. Namaste.

(c)JenniferHillman 2011