Check it out for yourself:

Your search is over.  Enter the Weener Kleener!  Sized to fit most men, this handy little gadget will get up close and personal to clean your guy’s most important appendage…

I bet he doesn’t already have one. 

Weener Kleener

Then I can yell “Calgon, take me awaaaaayyyy” and it will know to break into a gallop when it hears that command.

And I would giggle every time…

Jennifer <– knows a lot of 1970’s commercials…

And for those of us less lucky in love this Valentine’s Day, enjoy the ultimate break-up song of all time, by Weird Al Yankovic.  It’s twisted and wrong, but it never fails to make me laugh, even on the heels of a fresh break-up.  You have to love the sappy way Weird Al sings all these vile things…  LOL

Sorry, no free download on this one, but you can watch the video at YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAXutCG2h9E

It’s a lot better if you know the lyrics:

One More Minute
Weird Al Yankovic

Aahh….

Well I heard that you’re leavin’ (leavin’)
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
‘Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I’m not your kind (aahh..)

So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex (oohh..)
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)

That’s right (that’s right) you ain’t gonna see me cryin’
I’m glad (I’m glad) that you found somebody new
‘Cause I’d rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feeling down in the dumps
‘Cause I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain’t (you ain’t) gonna break my heart in two
‘Cause I’d rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you

I’d rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I’d rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again

Oh, can’t you see what I’m tryin’ to say, Darlin…

I’d rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you

Yes, I’d rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I’d rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you

I’d rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it ’till I die…
*Squeak!*
Than spend one more minute with you

I’ll back up – I just ordered one of these doohickies from Amazon.com:  Empower em40 Bench Package.  What’s the problem, you wonder?

I have NO clue how to use this thing.  Never in my life have I used this kind of equipment.  I’m not athletic, in fact I’m kind of clumsy.

But Amazon.com just had this thing on a Lightning Deal for 64% off, which was a very affordable price, and it seemed the thing to do.  I’ve wanted to learn how to exercise for a while, but to be perfectly honest, the idea of walking into a gym or the YMCA totally clueless as to how to use their equipment amidst a sea of people who know what they are doing is very intimidating.  I’m not so much worried about being laughed at – I am the first to laugh at myself.  Nope, I’m worried about pissing people off because my fitness-inept self is in the way of their regimen, slowing them down, etc.

So I’m thinking that maybe if I can do this at home, learning from the little booklet and training DVD, that maybe I can figure this thing out.

If you don’t hear from me after it arrives, you’ll know the worst has happened…  Send flowers, will you?  LOL

Not long ago, a man told me he was an idiot.  Naively, I assumed he was apologizing for past mistakes.  Looking back now, it seems he was warning me about the way he would treat me in the future. 

Another lesson learned the hard way…  As Richard Marx sang in the eighties, I shoulda known better…

The wine tasting was from 5-8 and I arrived about 5:30pm.  Tonight they had a selection of four of their favorite winter red wines.  Red just happens to be my favorite for wine. 

I was greeted by no less than three of their employees almost immediately upon entering the building.  I was also welcomed by the wine distributor who was there to serve the wine and talk about the different vintages in detail.

I have to say, I loved the atmosphere and the welcome.  Everyone was so friendly and warm, both employees and customers.  It’s the kind of place where no one really feels like a complete stranger.  The building is tiny from the outside, but inside it simply feels intimate.  Very nice.

For such a small place, they boast a very nice, extensive wine selection.  I’m definitely going to have to go back with a friend soon so I can try some of the interesting selections that are only offered by the bottle.  I love wine, but drinking a whole bottle by myself isn’t really an option…  They have a lot of wines by the glass, though, so a customer like me isn’t out of luck.  And of course if you go on the evening of a wine tasting, even better.  The tastings run approximately $20 and you get about a third of a glass of four different wines to taste.  Once you’ve completed the fleet of wines offered in the tasting, you get a full glass of your favorite from the offerings.

I met some really nice people there, both customer and employees and can’t wait to go back soon!  Even if it weren’t for the company, I would go back just for the food and the wine.  They have a small but interesting menu, and have daily specials.  Although the regular menu had several intriguing items, I opted for the pork dish on the specials menu today.  It was tender, with just the right hint of spice, and was served atop a square of potato gratin (thinly sliced potatoes baked with parmesan cheese, I think), asparagus, and a green salad made with mesclun mix – my favorite salad green.  The food tasted amazing.

The service was fabulous and attentive long after the warm welcome and I could have stayed all night, except I had to drive home and I have an early morning staff meeting at work tomorrow.  Dangit.  I will definitely be back for another wine tasting at Rumours Wine & Art Bar soon, though!

Rumours Wine & Art Bar has two locations in the Nashville area – the one I visited on 12^th Avenue this evening and another in East Nashville on Woodland Street.  Check their website for hours of operation and complete addresses. Oh, and don’t forget to sign up for their newsletter!  Website:  http://www.rumourswinebar.com/

Today is your eighteenth birthday and I have to say my emotions are even more tumultuous than they normally are this day every year.  I think about you every day, but your birthday always makes me think more about the things you have probably experienced throughout the last year.

Your childhood is over and you have become an adult.  I imagine you either graduated high school last year or will this year and are ready to start college.  The world is opening up for you and I trust your parents have prepared you to make your own way in this world.

I wonder what your plans for the future are.  Do your career interests lie in the artistic or academic worlds?  Do you have a definite plan for your next steps or are you trying to figure them out as you go along?  Are you going away for college or staying at home with your parents and attending a local university?

My sister gave birth to your first cousin on my side of the family last year.  She had a little girl.  Every time I look at her, I think of you even more.  I wonder if you looked like your cousin when you were a baby, if you had similar expressions, if you were as happy as she is.  More than anything I hope you were happy.

One day, I hope you and your cousin have the chance to meet.  I hope I get the chance to meet you and your parents.  I owe them so much for the life and the love they have given you and will provide in your future.  But whether or not those things every happen, I wish you and your parents joy and success.  Be well.

Happy Birthday.  I love you.

(Letters from previous years can be found here:  http://blog.jenaray.com/?cat=24)

You know those moments – you can’t quite tell if your intuition is really ringing alarms or not?  Especially when it is concerning a situation you know causes you some amount of trepidation already.

It can be a tricky thing to weed through the available signs to discern whether your fear is a warranted concern or whether it is the product of worried overreaction. 

Ignoring that niggling feeling that something is off, however, can lead to considerable distress if the truth finally reveals your intuition to be on target.

Complicate that with those times when you want your intuition to be wrong, and it can be even more difficult to wade through the facts and fears to find the truth.

Giving it patience and time are often the best course of action but this is often the most difficult solution to abide.  Knowing a truth doesn’t always make it easier.  I’m still learning.