pastor jenny

a new adventure begins

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Fri, 18 May 2012 05:47:00 +0000

As of July 1, 2012, I'll be the associate pastor at St. John United Methodist Church in Anchorage, Alaska. It's been a great two years at Anchor Park and East Anchorage. I've learned a lot about ministry in the local church. It's one thing to wonder and dream from the safety of a seminary classroom. It's quite another to dive into the messiness of a faith community. It's easy to think you can change the world until you actually start trying. I've got a LONG way to go in ministry. But I'm thankful for these two churches for giving me a good start.

I'm excited to serve at St. John. I spent a couple years at this church during high school and felt my call to ministry while attending there. The St. John community is active in mission and loves to worship together. We found a rental house within walking distance of the church and I'm excited to get to know people in our neighborhood.

The other big news is that I got recommended for ordination in the Pacific Northwest Conference next month. I had an interview in Seattle last week and after an hour of tough questions and affirming feedback, they decided I'm ready to become a United Methodist pastor. I started the candidacy process 11 years ago and there were many difficult moments. But overall, it's been a very positive process. It's helped me grow in my faith and practical skills. The accountability and feedback was helpful.

We're slowing packing up our house and my office. We'll make the big move across town in mid-June. Here's to celebrating ministry in one place and preparing for what God has ahead. Blessings!

p.s. Isabella is doing great. She's 4.5 months old and starting to roll over. She's sleeping through the night and seems to enjoy day care. Love this child to pieces.

can I be a pastor AND a mom?

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 01 May 2012 19:21:00 +0000

Isabella with all our morning bags

This morning I walked out the door with 7 bags and a 4 month old baby. Day care bag, pumping bag, cooler for milk, my lunch bag, gym bag, computer bag and our video camera for a work project. Ahh, how my life has changed.

Until about four months ago, I wasn't sure it was possibly to be a United Methodist pastor AND a mom. I hadn't seen very many young female clergy who also stepped into the motherhood role. I started asking around through my social media networks and came across four friends who surprisingly said it WAS possible. DeeDee, Elizabeth, Molly & Jessica sent me messages of encouragement and the reality of what was ahead.

We talked about nursing a baby in between morning worship services, setting firm boundaries for evening family time, the pain of leaving baby at day care, questioning our call into full-time ministry and what to do when your child walks up to you during your sermon!

Here are some things I've learned in the first four months of walking the tightrope of motherhood and ministry:

At first, I tried to be intentional about the role I was serving in the moment. If I was nursing Isabella at 2am, I was Mom. When I went back to work part-time and someone wanted to schedule a counseling appointment, I was pastor. When my husband and I went on our first date 3 weeks after Isabella was born, I was wife. Sometimes, it was nice to separate those identities. But as time wore on, I realized it was also a gift to merge those roles.

It was wonderful to take her with me to visit college students. They enjoyed playing with her and I hope it was a joyful moment in the midst of homework and tests. I'll never forget taking Isabella to visit a wonderful woman who was dying of cancer. To see Marilyn reach out and take Isabella's hand and light up in a smile took my breath away. Pumping at work and preparing bottles for Isabella merged my job and motherhood. It's been a highlight to connect with many of the young mothers in our churches. I'm still overwhelmed with all the bags of used baby clothes and boxes of diapers that appear in my office from time to time. Isabella's day care workers asked me what I do and later said they'd love to visit our church. They came last Sunday and are hoping to return.

There are moments those identities swirl together in pretty funny ways. She started crying while I was preaching on Ash Wednesday. One time, I was nursing her in my office in between services and she got milk ALL over my clothes. I woke up on Easter morning with no voice due to the cold that she gave me from her first week at day care. I participated in a clergy retreat while walking around with her in the back of the room. I was at a Birchwood Camp meeting and she farted SO loudly that everyone started laughing.

It hasn't always been easy. Yes, I cried for three straight mornings after dropping her off at day care. Yes, there are many moments throughout the day where I want to leave work, pick her up and spend the rest of the day playing together. But has becoming a mother made me a better pastor? I think so. Is it possible to do both? Yes. And as I'm discovering every day, the duality of these callings have taught me a lot about the nature of God.

Much of the spiritual life is about letting go. For years, I've reflected on this process in my own life. Now my daughter is teaching me that parenthood is continually letting go. We get to raise her and give her away. To daycare...to others who love her...to school...to a spouse...to God. What a difficult joy this is.

cross country skiing & failure

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 16:30:00 +0000

What I thought I looked like

Yesterday I had the opportunity to cross-country ski with my mother-in-law on some beautiful trails near our house. I had these grand memories of skiing when I lived in Soldotna as an elementary student. I remember half enjoying it and half dreading it because it was a lot of work. I really didn't give it much thought yesterday. We jumped in the car and drove a mile or two to the trail parking lot. After we realized we accidentally had grabbed the downhill skis and drove back home to get the x-country ones, we got ready and hit the trail.

What I actually looked like

I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I picked it up again. I felt fairly confident as we glided across the flat snow. Then my confidence got the best of me as we came to the bottom of our first incline. I didn't have the skills to make it up the hill with any kind of grace. I looked like a fool. My poles were slipping and wouldn't grip the snow. My arms were working over time. I stopped to take a picture of a frisbee golf hole partially submerged in snow and found myself slipping backwards down the hill. My ski's could not find a nice smooth rhythm.

We were out for about an hour. There were moments it got a little better and my confidence grew. But mostly I had no clue what I was doing! But you know what? I had fun. The snow was beautiful. The barren trees whispered their readiness for spring. I love my mother-in-law and it was great spending time with her. It was neat seeing all the trails other people had made off the main one. Such explorers!

It got me thinking about how we try new things in the church and in life. Are you willing to look like a fool? Too often we wait until the idea is perfected, organized and determined effective before we attempt it. I'm sure there are appropriate times to act with caution. But too much of our lives go unlived because we're terrified of falling and failing.

Do you want to try something new?

Do it.

You may fail spectacularly. Who cares. Get up and try again.

Craig Groeschel: "What has God called you to do that you're afraid to attempt? Be willing to fail."

Chip & Dan Heath: "Our failures don't have to be hell; they provide us insight. A tolerance for failure is built into a growth mindset. View your talents, skills and failures as muscles. Work them out and they'll get better. Failure is an early warning sign of success."

God: My grace is enough for you, because my power is made perfect in your weakness.

P.S. As we arrived back at the parking lot to head home, I pushed over a little hill that I knew I shouldn't have. Just as my confidence had grown in the last hour, I slipped and fell pretty hard on my side. Epic fail. :) Failure may be necessary but it still hurts.

bed time & the church

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 19:03:00 +0000

In my first weeks of motherhood, Aaron and I took turns throughout the night putting Isabella back to sleep. I was determined to calm her cries and let Aaron sleep. Bouncing, swinging, walking, swaying, singing...I tried them all. After her eyes closed and I waited a while to make sure she wasn't faking it, I'd lay her down in her crib and tip toe back to bed. It was a huge accomplishment in the early weeks when she stayed asleep!

Now that she's almost ten weeks old, I've gotten to know her a lot better. I know what she likes and doesn't like...what makes her smile and what will almost always cause her to scream. The bedtime process has more meaning because I don't see her as a challenge to be accomplished. She's our sleepy daughter and we get to help her have a good nights rest. And it's an enjoyable part of my day!

We sometimes treat people outside the Sunday morning church crowd like this. We see them as a challenge. If we get the "right" music, worship time, child care, pastors, worship leaders, sermons, etc. then they'll come pouring in our doors. We're only reinforcing the idea that worship is actually about us. But last time I checked we don't come on Sunday mornings to worship our preferences. We worship a God who loves us even when we don't get it.

And as long as we don't have much of a relationship with those "outside" the church, it's easy to see them as a faceless, nameless thing to conquer.

But when we spend time with people, really get to know them, their dreams and fears...

...our entire understanding of church changes.

am I becoming a better disciple?

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 20:21:00 +0000

Isabella turns two months old today. I was looking at her the other day (as I so often do...sorry for this flood of blog posts lately!) and I noticed her pants were getting a little shorter. Come to think of it, several of her onesies are getting tighter. A couple times I would pick her up after a 6 hour sleep time at night and swear she'd grown!

It's hard to see her growth when I'm with her every day. Pictures and visitors remind me she certainly is growing.

Some days I wish we had a discipleship chart. Something that showed how I was becoming more like Jesus. Something that measured how loving, patient and kind I was...or how poorly I was doing with self-control, gossip and pride.

I experience a kind of restlessness when I think of my growth as a disciple. Am I becoming a better disciple of Jesus Christ? Am I really helping to make new disciples? It's difficult to take a step back and see where I'm really growing. Maybe someone who knew me years ago could see a difference. I'd love to wake up in the morning, plug my heart into a machine and a chart would tell me the 2-3 things I could really use some work on that day. Maybe I'd see that I did a decent job loving strangers the day before but I could stand to show more patience to a friend.

Or maybe this is my all too human mind wanting to quantify, systematize and organize growth so I have something to show for my effort. And maybe, just maybe...I've missed the whole point of following Jesus.

on the smile hunt

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 17:13:00 +0000

I've been watching Isabella for her first smiles for the past several weeks. We would see glimpses from time to time. I'm biased but oh my goodness, they are beautiful! My dad saw a couple early on. Aaron and I both caught a big one last week while we were on Face time with his parents.

I used to make fun of full grown adults making baby faces and noises trying to get infants to smile. I would roll my eyes and wonder if they realized how silly they looked.

Then I had a baby. :)

I've never worked so hard to get someone to smile. Or looked so forward to a facial movement by someone I love. We now see about 4 smiles a day from her.

Last night we made a Face time call to her great-grandparents in South Carolina. Isabella must have fallen in love with her great-grandma's voice because she preceded to smile at least 5 times in the span of 5 minutes!

How hard do we work to make others smile? Do we save our words of encouragement for when we're in a good mood and feel like sharing the love? Or do they flow out of us easily? As Jesus followers, we're called to work on "encouraging one another and building one another up (1 Thess 5:11)."

There may be someone in your path today that desperately needs some encouragement. May we set aside the petty issues that keep us from pouring love into others.

I need you for all the crazy people

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 17:17:00 +0000

From Thomas Merton's A Book of Hours:

Teach me to go to this country beyond words and beyond names,
Teach me to pray on this side of the frontier, here where these woods are.
I need to be led by you.
I need my heart to be moved by you.
I need my soul to be made clean by your prayer.
I need my will to be made strong by you.
I need the world to be saved and changed by you.
I need you for all those who suffer, who are in prison, in danger, in sorrow.
I need you for all the crazy people.
I need your healing hand to work always in my life.
I need you to make me, as you made your Son, a healer, a comforter, a savior.
I need you to name the dead.
I need you to help the dying cross their particular rivers.
I need you for myself whether I live or die.
It is necessary.
Amen.

*Note: We're all crazy people. :)

pain, denial & my little girl

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 17:42:00 +0000

Lent has begun. I enjoy this season of reflection, confession and renewed focus with God. I've been feeling a little off as I adjust to life with a new baby. These next 40 days are just what I needed to find a new rhythm.

I was holding Isabella the other day as she drifted off to sleep. Her eyes were fluttering and her sleep smiles melted my heart. I got to thinking about how I feel about my daughter vs. how God feels about us.

God creates humans with all our wonderful complexities and beauty. God feels a deep love for each person created - they are unique, beloved and have a great purpose in the world. I feel the same about my daughter.

We sang yesterday in our Ash Wednesday service, "prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love..." We wander away from God easily. We chase money and how it makes us feel. Relationships take all our focus. A promotion or new job consumes our energy. We crave the latest technology update like it's a drug. We're lazy and waste our time on meaningless things.

We deny God with our lives. We deny the good things God has given us: compassion, care for the earth, taking care of our bodies, loving the stranger in our community, forgiving those who've hurt us and so on.

And now I understand a bit of what God might be feeling.

What if my daughter denied knowing me? What if after all the love, effort, tears, kisses and hugs, she turned her back on me? (Yes, yes, I anticipate this happening in about 13 years...but still...)

Gut-wrenching pain.

I can't describe how much I love this little girl. And because I love her that much, I have to prepare for the possibility that she'll deny me. I hope she doesn't. I hope we have a great relationship our whole lives. But that's unconditional love, right? We love people in our lives without condition. No matter what they do.

May we feel today how deep the love of God is for us. And give that kind of love to others.

that awkward place

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:24:00 +0000

You know that awkward place between what has been and what is coming?

I had my baby a month ago and am losing weight. My maternity clothes don't fit anymore. But I don't really fit into my pre-baby clothes either. Awkward.

My senior pastor at the two churches I serve got a new appointment to serve a church in Iowa. I get to serve with an interim senior pastor for the next five months. Both churches are working with the superintendent and bishop on their next pastoral leader. The transition is full of the past, present and future colliding.

Every Sunday we gather as the body of Christ to explore what it means to bring a bit more of the kingdom of God to Anchorage. We pray about it. Sing about it. Learn about it. There are Sundays it feels like we're really doing it! Then there are weeks it feels like we've hardly begun. We experience the tension of where we've been and what is yet to come.

I ask God this every week... "your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

I long for the kingdom of God to be an increasing reality in my city. And I acknowledge the frustration that while our efforts are paving the way, it often seems so far away.

We're stuck in that awkward place.

And I have a feeling that is right where God wants us.

*Wondering where the picture came from? It was near the top when I typed into Google "awkward place." Haha.

taking care of yourself

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:00:00 +0000

It’s said so often in church leadership circles that it’s almost cliche. Like the flight attendant often reminds us, “put your oxygen mask on before assisting others.” Those in full-time ministry are chronically guilty of helping others before they take care of themselves. I’ve seen a number of colleagues burn out because they put everyone else first.

As my husband and I adjust to the radical life change of having our first child, I’ve noticed how quickly I stopped taking care of myself. In the first several weeks, I was lucky if I got a shower by 4pm. I tried to sleep when she was sleeping but that’s easier said than done. The mail man often brought boxes to our door and he probably tired of seeing me in my robe at 3pm. But I was just trying to survive each hour of being a brand new parent.

Last week, we had several bad mornings because I didn’t make time to take care of myself first. We’d wake up and were off and running. I found myself overwhelmed and frustrated. So I sat down with my husband and we decided to try a new morning routine. I would feed her around 6am while Aaron showered. Then I’d eat breakfast and shower while he took care of her before leaving for work at 7:30. I even had a few minutes to watch the news and check email. This small change of making sure I had time to myself in the morning made a HUGE difference in how Isabella and I interacted the rest of the day. I was able to focus on her needs and enjoyed caring for them in a deeper way. Because I wasn’t trying to make her sleep so I could get things done, I was able to follow her cues and do what she needed at the time.

Whether you work outside the home, attend school, are retired or raise children at home, are you taking care of yourself first? When you treat that time as sacred, your family, friends and community get the best of you the rest of the day.

tummy time & the kingdom of God

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 21:02:00 +0000

My daughter turns one month old tomorrow. People often say, "where'd the time go?" Sure, some days went quickly but I know exactly where the time went. Baths, diapers, naps, crying, kisses, play time, visitors, trips, feeding. I love being a mom.

I'm also a pastor. Which means lots of thoughts about faith, the church and the kingdom of God come to mind as I watch her grow.

This morning I was enjoying some tummy time with her. Each day she gets stronger and stronger as she lifts up her head and turns it from side to side. I encourage her and we do this for about 10 minutes. I see her start to get frustrated and I let her continue a couple more minutes. Then I flip her onto her back to rest for a bit. She looks around and loves all the bright colors and shapes on her play mat.

When it comes to our relationship with God and our wider connection in the body of Christ - who gives us tummy time?

Who gives you a chance to get stronger? Or have most of us been left to lie on our backs?

It's fun for a while. We gaze around with a little smile on our face. But at some point, as my daughter proves time and again - we get bored. We want to be held, loved, challenged or just want our diaper changed.

Friends, I want someone to flip me onto my stomach so I can get stronger in a new area of my life. And that's what we do for each other when we serve those in need, listen in a small group or worship together.

Here's to some good tummy time in your future.

"christianity should not be hard"

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:08:00 +0000

"Christianity should not be hard."

My very pregnant self had found a comfy spot on our couch early this morning in an effort to get a couple extra minutes of sleep when I heard these words above. Joyce Meyer was preaching and teaching on living a simple life. Context speaks volumes about what a sentence means so it's not really fair to pull this one sentence out.

But it's so unequivocally false.

Following Christ is difficult. Especially when I'm called to die to my selfish-me-first desires. And not just once in my life, but every moment of every day. Because they have a way of creeping back in. It's difficult when I'd prefer to worship security and safety instead of taking a scary risk to be in relationship with people unlike me. It's difficult when I'd rather lull myself into the wonderful notion that I've got the Christian life figured out instead of letting God into the deepest, darkest places of myself where I still call the shots.

Christianity is hard.

But like most things with Jesus, it holds that difficulty in tension with this profound, amazing and beautiful call to love and serve others. And that's where the real life is. Yes it may be difficult. Other times it's surprisingly easy and simple.

Let us acknowledge our journey with Christ is difficult and one of great joy. Because then we can truly welcome God into our lives in ways that will forever change us.

holiness wrapped in humanity

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 19:32:00 +0000

A couple years ago, a friend told me about a book she was really enjoying. It brought the Bible to life in a way she hadn't experienced before. It's called Story by Steven James. Looks like it's $3 from Amazon right now. I highly recommend it. As Advent begins, here's an excerpt on the nature of Jesus.

I used to think I knew Jesus because I knew about him. But knowing someone's resume and being someone's brother are two completely different things. I found that out after I met Jesus for myself.

If you can make sense of Jesus, explain him, define him, or make him sound reasonable, my guess is you've never actually met him. After all, his closest friends didn't understand him, the religious rulers thought he was possessed by demons, and his own family thought he'd gone insane. No one knew what to make of this man of mystery. I guess that's what happens when God dresses in skin, when heaven's wisdom speaks human words.

The greatest mystery of Christianity isn't that God loves us; nearly every religion would tell you that much. The greatest mystery is that God actually became one of us.

He is the mystic, majestic, mysterious Jesus. Holiness wrapped in humanity. He sneezed, coughed, yawned, burped, and got the hiccups, and yet he would walk on water, step through walls, and raise the dead.

James then goes on to share this poem...

i don't name you, you name me.
i don't understand you, you understand me.
and the paradox of this love is that you uncover me as you unveil yourself.

the mystery of this discovery swallows all of who i am.
that's the essence of faith.
if i could understand faith it would cease to be faith.
i only know the mystery
because the mystery knows me.

best sermon ever.

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:51:00 +0000

I love Jesus. He's a great combination of straight-to-the-point and let-me-tell-you-a-story-so-you-can-figure-this-out kind of guy. There seem to be black and white moments and then situations where the kingdom of God has a million layers and nuances to it. I just read Luke 4:16-20 (CEB) for my missional wisdom class and felt like I was there.

Imagine sitting in the synagogue. You've heard about this guy who's healing people and working miracles in the area. The leader hands him the scroll. Jesus doesn't launch into a long sermon with lots of points. Instead...

¹⁶ Jesus went to Nazareth, where he had been raised. On the Sabbath he went to the synagogue as he normally did and stood up to read. ¹⁷ The synagogue assistant gave him the scroll from the prophet Isaiah. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written:

¹⁸ The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me. He has sent me to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim release to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to liberate the oppressed, ¹⁹ and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

²⁰ He rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the synagogue assistant, and sat down. Every eye in the synagogue was fixed on him.

I can feel the tension, surprise & wonder in the room.

Best sermon ever.

people pleaser?

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:31:00 +0000

I'm a recovering people pleaser.

It used to be a big part of my identity. I would do just about anything to make someone happy with me. I craved their approval and admiration. I took criticism personally. It was built so deeply into who I was that it wasn't really a conscious act. It was a reflex.

But the more time I spend reading about the life of Christ, Paul and others, I feel the Holy Spirit shaping me in a more healthy way. As I let the stories from these pages become part of my life, I find the desire to please people diminishing. Sure I love happy people and if I can share love, that's great. But if I feel God nudging me to say or do something that may not be popular, that's okay.

People's approval is conditional. It changes and morphs. We'll never make everyone happy at one time. So forge ahead seeking to please the only One who's opinion really matters.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

Wandering between wonder & routine

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 22:18:00 +0000

O Eternal One, it would be easier for me to pray
if I were clear
and of a single mind and a pure heart;
if I could be done hiding from myself
and from you, even in my prayers.
But, I am who I am,
mixture of motives and excuses,
blur of memories,
quiver of hopes,
knot of fear,
tangle of confusion,
and restless with love, for love.
I wander somewhere between
gratitude and grievance,
wonder and routine,
high resolve and undone dreams,
generous impulses and unpaid bills.
Come, find me, Lord.
Be with me exactly as I am.
Help me find me, Lord.
Help me accept what I am,
so I can begin to be yours.
Make of me something small enough to snuggle,
young enough to question,
simple enough to giggle,
old enough to forget,
foolish enough to act for peace;
skeptical enough to doubt
the sufficiency of anything but you,
and attentive enough to listen
as you call me out of the tomb of my timidity
into the chancy glory of my possibilities
and the power of your presence.
Amen.

- Ted Loder, "Guerillas of Grace"

battery exhausted

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 18:06:00 +0000

I watched the sun rise over the mountains this morning from my office window. A light fog settled into the base of the mountains while the sun brought the fall leaves to life. The mountain tops are preparing for winter as the snow slowly creeps downward into town. I grabbed my camera and snapped a picture. I was about to take another picture when I looked down and saw this:

Does this describe you?

I'm entering my third trimester of pregnancy and I'm pretty tired. I take my days off and really enjoy the downtime. I put work aside in the evenings and enjoy time with my husband, family & friends. I take naps, exercise and drink lots of water. Life is pretty balanced which is an often difficult goal for pastors.

But I know that fatigue is part of my new normal. Or so I've been told but lots of parents. :)

It's part of the journey. And I'm entering into it with joy and awareness. I'm going to be tired. My battery will feel like its died. But that doesn't give me an excuse to be miserable, negative or short-tempered. If I continue to mourn my lost energy, brain power and changing body, then I'll miss the grace and gift of helping to create a child. I accept this part of my journey. And my prayer will be what I so often pray: "God, only on your strength does all this happen."

Here's to the last 12 weeks or so!

If you find yourself in a new season of life, I encourage you to spend some time in reflection and prayer. Where is God meeting you in new ways? What do you need to let go of so you can be available to God and others?

how big is your delete button?

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 23:41:00 +0000

As my husband and I get our nursery ready for our baby girl, we decided it was time to move our home office downstairs. So right now I'm sitting in my new space working away on a couple things. I pulled out the keyboard and started typing something up. I went to delete a couple words in a document and realized something unsettling.

The backspace button is tiny. Minuscule. It's too small.

After working for the past hour on this keyboard, I'm now aware how often I use the backspace button. I type a couple sentences, make a mistake and back up a couple words. I misspell words so I promptly hit backspace, make the correction and move on.

There's something exciting happening in the local church regarding delete buttons. Before, when trying something new, I used to feel this pressure to get everything right the first time. It was a reflection on my leadership and ability. My default mode is perfectionism. I took mistakes personally. My work defined my worth.

But I feel God changing my perspective on failure. We're in a new season of what the local church looks like. Some of the ways of "being church" that worked in the past, aren't as effective anymore. We're trying lots of new things to see what connects people to God and what isn't helpful.

Are we willing to see failure as a sign of a step in the right direction? I would rather fail spectacularly at a new idea or ministry because at least we're trying something. If we simply copy and paste every idea from the past, we don't have to depend much on the Holy Spirit's direction. That's actually the number one lesson I'm learning from trying new things. I'm much more in tune with the Holy Spirit because I don't have any other guide, curriculum or plan to follow.

I imagine God giving the church a pretty big backspace button right now. Be willing to fail. Then you might actually try the thing you've always wanted to try.

wrong side of the boat

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 16:36:00 +0000

Check out John 21:1-14.

This story comes after Jesus has died and resurrected. He's appeared to his disciples but this time they don't recognize him at first. The disciples are out fishing and don't catch a thing. I imagine they're frustrated and tired. From the shore, Jesus tells them to try the other side of the boat. They end up hauling in 153 fish in their nets.

God is all about abundance. Abundant love, life, grace, joy. God doesn't want to give us just enough life to "get by." Or enough love to "merely survive."

Jesus: I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of (John 10:10, Message).

I need this reminder every week. My default setting is scarcity. There's not enough time or money. Not enough people to serve in the nursery, youth ministry or help with Kid Jam.

My eyes are focused on the wrong side of the boat.

Some days I get it right. My heart is in the right place and I see the abundance of people, resources, dreams and ideas. It's exciting to think about and then see the kind of difference we can make in our community. But when my energy runs low and frustration grows, I need this story.

How do you focus on scarcity in your life instead of abundance?

when someone disagrees with you

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 22:56:00 +0000

Our UAA leadership team will soon begin studying Henri Nouwen's "In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership." Since we're a community of people from different denominations and faith backgrounds, we will face conversations where we don't agree. We're making it a point to talk now about how we'll handle those moments. Will we get frustrated? Walk away from the conversation? Talk about people behind their backs? Or will we take a path that more accurately reflects Christ?

Nouwen writes:

I have the impression that many of the debates within the church around issues take place on a primarily moral level. On that level, different parties battle about right or wrong. But the battle is often removed from the experience of God's first love, which lies at the base of all human relationships...

Dealing with burning issues without being rooted in a deep personal relationship with God easily leads to divisiveness because, before we know it, our sense of self is caught up in our opinion about a given subject. But when we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the source of life, it will be possible to remain flexible without being relativistic, convinced without being rigid, willing to confront without being offensive, gentle and forgiving without being soft, and true witnesses without being manipulative.

What's your gut reaction when someone disagrees with you? When we reconnect with the source of all life, it gets a little easier to react from a place of peace and security. I don't need to feel threatened by the person who's opinion differs from mine. But I do need to find a way to respond from a gracious and securely rooted place deep in God's love.

Very possible...just difficult.

God is as close as your next breath

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:17:00 +0000

I needed this reminder today. Maybe you do too.

God is as close as our next breath. God is spirit...breath...wind...

Take 5 minutes today and set everything aside. Walk outside. Hide in the bathroom. Sit in your car. Close your office door. Breathe in slowly. Breathe out slowly. Feel each breath. God is as close as your breath...ready to offer guidance, presence, healing, peace.

I drove a different way to work and stopped by Cheney Lake for 5 minutes.
Our time with God is always worth it.
Why does it so often fall to the bottom of our to do list?

do you have a rule of life?

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 23:37:00 +0000

A church I recently served had a spiritual director we could see whenever needed. It was a great gift. We could sign up for a time slot and she would welcome us in to a quiet space at our church. She would ask questions, listen and offer direction, often in the form of more questions. One day, she handed me a piece of paper with the title "Rule of Life" at the top. It had a list of things she committed to doing each day. Prayer, serving others, space to be quiet, hospitality in her home, etc.

To be honest, it was equally impressive and terrifying.

I admired her dedication and consistency. But it seemed so far from anything I could actually accomplish on a consistent basis. I felt like it set me up for failure. I stuck the paper on our bulletin board in the kitchen at home, hoping I would be inspired. But after a couple months, I threw it away.

Then one of my seminary professors talked about a rule of life. Again, it seemed like a great idea but not actually possible. So I brushed it off again.

I guess the third time really is a charm because I encountered another person talking about the rule of life last year. This time, I came to understand it in a different way.

In my opinion, we all have a rule of life. It's the unspoken rules that we live by every day. We've set them up for ourselves somewhere along the way. In the Christian faith, a intentional rule of life that we create ourselves is our spiritual game plan...the things we want to prioritize...the ways we want to spend our time. And by writing it down and even sharing it with others gives us a framework and accountability. By writing your rule of life down on little cards around your house, in your wallet, on your computer, in your car, meeting with people to share and encourage...you're more aware and intentional.

I'm beside myself with excitement to be a part of UAA's new campus Christian community. We have a leadership team of students and we've created a rule of life together. We meet twice a month for an hour each time to share how we're doing at following this framework. Then we discuss events, planning, logistics, etc. But our favorite time is the encouragement, sharing and prayer that comes from actually wanting to follow Jesus more deeply in our lives.

You can see our rule of life here. We've adapted it from the United Methodist Church's membership vows of prayers, presence, gifts, service and witness.

Remember...we all have a rule of life. If you want to be more intentional about yours, write it down, share it with others and ask God for grace and insight as you become a more faithful disciple.

transformation & unlearning

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:08:00 +0000

"Transformation is often more about unlearning than learning."

I saw this on a friend's Facebook page yesterday and it's been running through my mind ever since. Do you agree? Disagree?

I find I naturally think of transformation happening when I've added something to my life. When I began a new positive behavior...when a new person came into my life...when I spent time with God. I saw those as additions and new learnings.

Transformation is about change. And Lord knows I've experienced a lot of change from unlearning bad habits and pulling myself out of some deep ruts. There have been choices and ways of being that honestly were sinful. They distracted and distanced me from God.

I appreciate the nudge to view transformation as both an unlearning and a learning. I don't want to be so quick to run from the awkwardness of facing something I need to unlearn. Because it could lead to a kind of transformation I'm longing for.

puzzle pieces

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:40:00 +0000

Michael Burke, rector at St. Mary's Episcopal, gave me some good advice today. We were talking about navigating and making decisions when working on a completely new project. There's no real design to work from.

"We're basically working with a bunch of puzzle pieces. Get them all out on the table. Move them around. See how things work together. Discern your next step from there."

Usually when I do a puzzle, I have the lid to look at. I can get a pretty good idea of where things go.

With this campus ministry at UAA, there's not much of a lid. We've got pieces of what other schools have tried, what New Day is trying in Dallas and the Holy Spirit.

This is the nature of ministry in our country right now. Many things that worked in the past don't work anymore. We should be trying new things. Problem is we don't have lids for those puzzles. And if we're not intentional, our new efforts end up looking a lot like our old puzzles.

So we move forward, embracing the tension and awkwardness of puzzle arranging, while trusting God to reveal a little more of the puzzle lid when the time is right.

a new adventure

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 17:41:00 +0000

It's been awesome to watch the new campus ministry at University of Alaska-Anchorage unfold. Every conversation reveals another couple feet of the path we're on. We're comfortable not knowing exactly where we're going. I've rarely experienced so much joy at not knowing the outcome!

Aaron and I are beginning a new adventure where I'm seeking a similar goal. We get to welcome our first child into the world this January! We're officially due January 3, 2012. I'm at 15 weeks today. The every day nausea is easing up, I'm starting to show a bit and my energy is returning. We announced it at our churches and on Facebook this past Sunday. What a joy to have people from different parts of our lives express their excitement. I'm also excited my loved ones get to become aunts, uncles, grandparents & great-grandparents for the first time!

I haven't spent a lot of time with young children in my life. I don't know a lot about diapers, car seats or baby food. But I'm okay with that. Aaron and I will figure it out. We've got lots of people to help us. Every experience, book and conversation reveals a little more of the new path we're on.

Here's to not needing to know every detail and rejoicing in the beauty of the present moment!