I didn’t realize it was the 16^th year until I sat down to write this, so that changes everything. I originally thought about doing a bingo card, similar to the one my local library made up to celebrate America’s 250^th anniversary. Then, the Guardian came out with their “100 Best Novels of All Time,” and I switched to the idea of a classic-novel summer.

Now I’m spontaneously mashing things up.

Using all caps = MORE EXCITING.

I’ll pick 16 books I haven’t read and pit them against each other, choosing the one I liked better until only ONE remains. Or some version of that, because there’s no way I can read 16 books in a summer. And it depends on what the library has. It may end up being only a Final Four Face-off. As long as I read at least two books, it’ll (sorta) work out.

Happy reading!

That kind of reaction is rare for me, someone who has spent their life repressing emotions in order to control an anxiety disorder. I have been called many things over the years, including:

• Robot
• Spock
• Russian Ice Princess*

Obviously, I’m not a robot. I’m a human person. I have feelings, they’re just buried deep inside and, combined with the blunting effects of SSRIs, I sometimes literally cannot cry**.

This show gutted me.

It’s beautifully shot***, and as a former (high school) thespian, I’m in awe of the stellar face-acting of Hudson Williams (Shane) and Connor Storrie (Ilya). Heated Rivalry is a show unencumbered by big budgets and special effects, which allows the writing, acting, and directing to breathe and shine. It’s full of small moments that feel painfully real.

I find it especially moving when emotions contradict the expected. Two examples from Episode 5, no spoilers:

When Shane is talking to a friend at a restaurant, and she asks him several questions that would have placed him on the defensive just a few episodes earlier, but during this conversation, he lets his guard down and is so overwhelmed that all he can do is nod or shake his head.

When Ilya (a person who uses performative charm to navigate the world) is on the phone and has to keep pausing because it’s so hard to speak the truth, in any language****.

No notes. All the feels. Brilliant.

Because I have emotional regulation issues, I’m often angry at media that is designed to elicit sadness. I’m not going to call out any specific titles, but I don’t enjoy being told how to feel. It makes me instinctually want to do the opposite.

Give me the loneliness, the love, the regret, without explicitly stating it*****. I feel like most of us have big feelings, but we express them messily and we rarely ever have the right words.

Footnotes:

General Notes:

1. Fun fact: I had community college classes with a guy from Russia and he used to say, “stupid Americans.” Major flashbacks when Ilya said the same thing.
2. Kip’s dad is one of the loveliest characters that has ever existed. He was on screen for, what, 10 minutes total? Permanent MVP.
3. The intimate scenes are a major part of the unspoken narrative, so my brief analysis feels incomplete without mentioning them, but this is a topic that I (someone who is not a bi/gay man) can’t, and shouldn’t, speak to.

Brief Story/Additional Musings:

When I was a teen in the 90s, my friend (gay in a small-town, which was a specific brand of hell) rented To Wong Foo for us to watch, and I still remember his excitement on a visceral level. I haven’t watched it in years, so I can’t speak to how well it has (or hasn’t) held up, but back in the day, this movie, this scrap of representation, was a huge deal.

I know a lot of the buzz around HR is because of the appearances of the actors. I get it, they’re ridiculously attractive. But, as someone who has loved her queer friends and family since the 80s, before I even understood what sexuality was, these positive reactions, from all ages and genders, make my heart happy. Seeing a story not played for camp, that explores emotions on a deep level, that is so carefully crafted…it makes me feel like I’m 16 again, unjaded, watching To Wong Foo (which also made me cry), filled with the hope that one day the world could be a better, safer, more loving place.

Original TBR total: 933 / Current Total: 926

If you’ll recall, my plan was to randomly select a book genre and source (library, e-reader, etc.) and it would be a grand, amazing plan.

Well, I didn’t factor things like having to drive an hour roundtrip to some of the libraries and not having time to do that.

So, I pivoted to just randomly selected genres and that worked out well. I’m not going to discuss everything I read or DNF, but here’s one book from each category. Descriptions/images from Goodreads.

MIDDLE GRADE

Finding Junie Kim by Ellen Oh (2021)

Description

A story of family, hope, and survival, inspired by the author’s mother’s real-life experiences during the Korean War. Faced with middle school racism, Junie Kim learns of her grandparents’ extraordinary strength and finds her voice.

(Goodreads)

Review

Although I felt like there was too much going on at once in this book, at the heart it’s a lovely, emotional story about a girl and her grandparents. I say this a lot, but I always mean it: This would make a great movie, split between 1950s South Korea and current America. 

YOUNG ADULT

The Unexpected Consequences of Bleeding on a Tuesday by Kelsey B. Toney (2025)

Description

Delia Bridges is striving to become the compassionate doctor she’s been unable to find in her journey to diagnose her excruciating period pain–but when a single rule-breaking incident jeopardizes her future, she must find a way to reclaim her dreams in this funny, period-positive novel.

(Goodreads)

Review

Why aren’t there more books about periods??? Why is there such a stigma about discussing it??? Seriously. This book is funny and relatable, and I adored the bond between Delia, her sister, and mom. My one issue is the re-emergence of an old friend and everything medical going on with them which felt way too coincidental – I liked the parallels, but thought it might have worked better with a new friend? Sorry, that’s very vague but I’m trying not to spoil anything.

ADULT (non-cozy mystery)

The Running Man by Stephen King (as Richard Bachman, 1982)

Description

In the year 2025, the best men don’t run for president, they run for their lives…

Ben Richards is out of work and out of luck. His eighteen-month-old daughter is sick, and neither Ben nor his wife can afford to take her to a doctor. For a man from the poor side of town with no cash and no hope, there’s only one thing to do: become a contestant on one of the Network’s Games, shows where you can win more money than you’ve ever dreamed of—or die trying. Now Ben’s going prime-time on the Network’s highest-rated viewer participation show. And he’s about to become a prey for the masses…

(Goodreads)

Review

From the handful of SK books I’ve read, he’s good at ideas/scenarios/plots, but not great at dialogue – it feels like one quip after another. He is good at writing straight, white guys, but everyone else feels…WTF. I get he was trying to make a point with the racist language, but this read like the novelization of a 1980s action movie where the only parts for people of color are drug dealers or streetwise, fast talkers. I have seen the 1987 movie although I don’t remember anything about it, and I think it differs significantly from the book? If you can get past the outdatedness of the language, it’s just sad and depressing in its current relevance.

ADULT (cozy mystery)

Death by Bubble Tea by Jennifer J. Chow (2022)

Description

Two cousins who start a food stall at their local night market get a serving of murder in this first novel of a delicious new cozy mystery series.

(Goodreads)

Review

Once I suspended my disbelief that someone in their late 20s/early 30s, in a major city, would be able to work and get around without a cell phone, I was down for the ride. I appreciated a cozy mystery set in a city versus the usual small-town. Also, older relatives feeding you every time they see you and insisting you eat, eat, eat? 100% accurate, can confirm.

NON-FICTION (non-memoir)

Death in the Air: The True Story of a Serial Killer, the Great London Smog, and the Strangling of a City by Kate Winkler Dawson (2017)

Description

A real-life thriller in the vein of The Devil in the White City, Kate Winkler Dawson’s debut Death in the Air is a gripping, historical narrative of a serial killer, an environmental disaster, and an iconic city struggling to regain its footing.

(Goodreads)

Review

I applaud the author for weaving both stories into one and they’re certainly related, but I feel like they could have been separated into two books, one that explored more about the weather phenomenon and its victims, and another that dove deeper into the killer’s crimes, victims, and the aftermath. That said, if you enjoy either of the subjects (natural disasters or true crime), it’s worth a read. The description compared it to Erik Larson’s The Devil in the White City (agreed), and I’d also add his book Isaac’s Storm.

NON-FICTION (memoir)

Educated by Tara Westover (2018)

Description

Tara Westover was 17 the first time she set foot in a classroom. Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, she prepared for the end of the world by stockpiling home-canned peaches and sleeping with her “head-for-the-hills bag”… Educated is an account of the struggle for self-invention. It is a tale of fierce family loyalty and of the grief that comes with severing the closest of ties.

(Goodreads)

Review

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I wrote a lengthy review/rant about it a few days after I finished but decided against posting because it’s not in the least objective, it’s just me being furious at specific people and situations in my own life.

It’s worth a read (I couldn’t stop reading), but if you or anyone you love has grown up in a fundamentalist and/or abusive household, it will make you furious and want to burn down the world.

Some background:

I recently decided to whittle down my TBR-list (again). It was at 1146. It’s now at 933. Last year, I did a similar “Spring Cleaning” theme, cutting titles, and this time it’s similar, but not.

For starters, this year I will not get poison ivy. If I can avoid that, I’ve already won.

For seconds, I’ve made it way more complicated.

Let’s break it down:

READ: Obvious.

RECYCLE: This applies to books on my shelf. Either read them or recycle (donate).  

CYCLE: This is where it gets complicated. I spent the last year or two primarily reading celebrity memoirs and cozy mysteries. I want to shake things up, so I naturally came up with an unnecessarily convoluted way to do that.

Rules:

I have 6 slips of paper, each with a different genre:

1. Middle-grade
2. YA
3. Adult (non-cozy)
4. Adult (cozy)
5. Non-fiction (non-memoir)
6. Memoir

I have 6 slips of paper, each with a different “location”:

1. My bookshelf
2. E-reader
3. Library 1
4. Library 2
5. Library 3
6. Library 4 (I have a lot of library cards, libraries are awesome, support them!)

I will throw these slips into 2 different containers and draw one from each. I’ll read the combo. For example: A YA book on my Kindle, a memoir from Library 2.

I will do this until all the slips are used and then I’ll cycle through again.

And that’s it!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had anxiety. Generalized anxiety disorder to be exact. I’ve been to therapy, I take meds, I know my triggers, I meditate, I do yoga, etc., etc. It’s currently well-controlled, but it’s not something that can be completely cured. I live with it and go about my life as do most people with any sort of health issue. Our brains are part of our body. Health is health. Putting “mental” in front of it doesn’t automatically make me suicidal or homicidal.

Has anyone ever judged me? Probably, but not to my face (hah!). Joking aside, my worst critic has always been me, although the older I get, the more loving and accepting my inner voice has become. That has helped tremendously.  

Note: If someone is judging you, and I don’t mean gently suggesting therapy or attempting to understand by asking questions, that’s on them. If they’re so angry over your health that they’re lashing out, then they likely need their own help.

On the flip side, if you’re the one lashing out and are at a point where your mental health is affecting your daily life and your relationships, please consider asking for help. It’s scary to admit you need it, but at my worst I was trapped in a hell of insomnia, dissociation, and obsessive thoughts (in addition to the usual, inexplicable, anxiety-fueled feelings of guilt/shame), and I figured anything had to be better. Eventually, with a lot of hard work and support from loved ones, I came out on the other side.

Do I still have bad days? Of course. It’s called being human. As Buffy Summers said: “The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.” I have this quote hanging on the wall of my office to remind me we’re all just doing the best we can. Life is easier when we have empathy – not just for others, but also for ourselves. 

Beginning of summer:

Starting number: 1241

Goal number: Under 1000

Realistically: I want to cut at least 100 titles

Final results:

1079

I cut 162 titles!

Success!

Reading highlight:

Paris Hilton’s memoir. In no universe can I relate to her influencer vibes, but I applaud her courage to tell the story of her horrific experience with the “troubled teen” industry and her push to shine a spotlight on these “schools” and the abusers who run them.

Spring Cleaning!

My TBR-list is sooo ridiculously long and needs to be weeded. When I started it in earnest (probably around the time SummySeries started?) I added without regard. I scoured lists of classics and “best of” with the idea I NEEDED to read these. Now I’m all about reading what I WANT to read.

Thus, an extra month of SummySeries to give me more time to choppity chop the list.

• Starting number: 1241
• Goal number: Under 1000
• Realistically: I want to cut at least 100 titles

Let the games SummySeries begin!

In my county, the library was almost forced to shut down earlier this fall after a group of about 50 started screaming about “pornography” in the children’s section and the board of supervisors (minus one member) voted to withhold three-quarters of the library’s funding until everything was worked out.

Translation: This group was angry about LGBTQIA+ representation and wanted the books out. The library refused and the board eventually had to release the funding, otherwise there would be 20,000 pissed off patrons with no library.

A few dozen doesn’t sound like a lot of protestors, but combine them with the nationwide coordinated attack on libraries and schools and it becomes something dangerous.

In my county’s case, two of the board members are openly involved with the banning group. One has even submitted his own challenges to the library. When asked about it by the local newspaper, he clarified by saying the books don’t need to be removed, just “segregated.”

Segregated.

Yes, he used that word.

It should also be noted that he, and most of the others complaining, didn’t even bother to read the books. They just know that there’s an “agenda” and “indoctrination” and they won’t let their children be “groomed.” So many buzz words.

Their fear and hatred almost forced the closure of a library that has existed in one form or another for hundreds of years. Free access to knowledge gone in an instant. LGBTQIA+ voices silenced.

Bigots shouldn’t have this much power, but historically they always have. It starts at the local level and they worm their way up to higher offices using the same basic argument: We are good! They, the OTHERS, are bad! Listen to me and don’t step outside our little bubble or ask questions and you’ll be safe forever! Now teach your kids the same.

I often feel at a loss since I live in a hotbed of conservatism where candidates run on platforms of “family values.” That’s it. No other policies or ideas. But it’s enough for many.

My final thoughts:

Vote.

Read.

Speak out.

Write letters to your representatives.

Visit your library.

Thank teachers.

Don’t be an asshole.

See Part 1 here. Part 2 here. Part 3 here.

All descriptions/images copied from Goodreads.

THE HANDMAID’S TALE by Margaret Atwood (Adult Fiction)

This seemed a fitting end to my summer of banned books. I’d already read Fahrenheit 451 (literal book burnings) and 1984 (suppressing free speech/thought), so THE HANDMAID’S TALE it was.

Note: This was not part of “the list” compiled by the local book banning group. But it is on multiple other challenged/banned lists.

Description:

Offred is a Handmaid in the Republic of Gilead. She may leave the home of the Commander and his wife once a day to walk to food markets whose signs are now pictures instead of words because women are no longer allowed to read. She must lie on her back once a month and pray that the Commander makes her pregnant, because in an age of declining births, Offred and the other Handmaids are valued only if their ovaries are viable. Offred can remember the years before, when she lived and made love with her husband, Luke; when she played with and protected her daughter; when she had a job, money of her own, and access to knowledge. But all of that is gone now…

Review:

I can’t believe I’ve never read this book! (I’ve also never watched the show, I wanted to read the book first)

A confession:

I skimmed some of the longer paragraphs. The concept of this book is incredible, but the writing was sometimes too stream-of-consciousness for my wandering brain. The lack of quotation marks also didn’t help. 

That being said:

The Republic of Gilead is even more horrifying than I’d imagined.

The years before are only mentioned in Offred’s recollections, but the beginnings of the Republic sound uncomfortably close to what’s happening now in real life (and what has happened many times in the past), the desire of one group to ban/burn/suppress anything or anyone that doesn’t align with their “pure” values.

Plus, a rampaging group wanting to overthrow the government. Sounds familiar…

I wish there’d been a clearer idea of the timeline of events leading up to Offred’s current situation, to satisfy my own curiosity, but that doesn’t necessarily take away from the story since Offred is an (unintentionally?) unreliable narrator.

The version I read has an introduction from the author that was written in 2017 which I thought added interesting context. To make the events as realistic as possible, she didn’t want to include anything that hadn’t already happened in various societies.

I read the sequel, THE TESTAMENTS, which provided a look into some of the inner workings of Gilead. It still didn’t entirely satisfy my curiosity of what happened with the world, at large, but I appreciated the expanded view.

I also appreciated that all the narrators were women. There were clearly men in the resistance, so the books didn’t portray them as all evil/corrupted, but the system of Gilead was designed to benefit men and oppress women, so it would have felt out of place to have a male narrator.

I saw some reviews arguing the reasons this type of scenario would never happen, but if you’ve read any real-life accounts of authoritarian regimes, and the things people will do to survive, then it’s not hard to imagine.

We lived, as usual, by ignoring. Ignoring isn’t the same as ignorance, you have to work at it.

Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub, you’d be boiled to death before you knew it.

p. 56 (THT)

People became frightened. Then they became angry.

The absence of viable remedies. The search for someone to blame.

Why did I think it would nonetheless be business as usual? Because we’d been hearing these things for so long, I suppose. You don’t believe the sky is falling until a chunk of it falls on you.

p. 66 TT

Conclusion:

I’ve got a whole rant about book banners. It grew so wordy, I’m going to post it separately.

The issue of book banning is too important to contain to just this summer, so I’m going to keep reading through “the list” and I plan to post a few more reviews in 2023 and possibly into 2024.

See Part 1 here. Part 2 here.

All descriptions/images copied from Goodreads.

LIGHT FROM UNCOMMON STARS by Ryka Aoki (Adult Fiction)

Tomorrow is tomorrow. Over there is over there. And here and now is not a bad place and time to be, especially when so much of the unknown is beautiful.

p. 186

Description:

Shizuka Satomi made a deal with the devil: to escape damnation, she must entice seven other violin prodigies to trade their souls for success. She has already delivered six.

When Katrina Nguyen, a young transgender runaway, catches Shizuka’s ear with her wild talent, Shizuka can almost feel the curse lifting. She’s found her final candidate.

But in a donut shop off a bustling highway in the San Gabriel Valley, Shizuka meets Lan Tran, retired starship captain, interstellar refugee, and mother of four. Shizuka doesn’t have time for crushes or coffee dates, what with her very soul on the line, but Lan’s kind smile and eyes like stars might just redefine a soul’s worth.

Review:

I loved the new spin on an old tale of a musician selling their soul. The descriptions of music and food were vivid, and I felt the longing and beauty in those parts so much.

But I had trouble with the formatting, all the short, choppy paragraphs, sometimes in the middle of a conversation, so I wasn’t always sure who was speaking.

Several reviews wished this had been a series, each book concentrating on specific characters or their origin stories, and I would love that. There were so many fascinating characters and so many backstories, but it felt like there wasn’t enough time to fully explore it all.

Why I picked this book:

It was on the website of my local book banning group, under the smut list AND the pornographic list. The site claims it’s in the YA section, but it’s not. I checked it out from the adult section.

Sex alert:

This book is almost 400 pages long. There was maybe one page total, if you combined several different scenes, where anything sexual happened.

Also, like I stated above, this book was in the adult section, so claiming it’s a YA book, just because one of the main characters is a teen, is a nope, try again.

Conclusion:

It’s obvious why this book is on the list. They’re mad about LGBTQ representation, specifically Katrina, the transgender teenager. They are seemingly madder about her existence than the idea of demons and damnation??

###

I have one more review to post for SummySeries, but I can tell it’s going to be long, so I decided to go ahead and post this.

But, one book isn’t enough! The so-called “smut/pornography” list included several books I’d already read and reviewed in past posts, so here they are.

Note: I usually do SummySeries reviews in 100 words or less, so there’s not much to these.

From 2021:

YOU SHOULD SEE ME IN A CROWN by Leah Johnson

YA contemp about a reserved high schooler who enters the race for prom queen to earn scholarship money and falls for one of her competitors along the way.

This book had all the feels – funny, heartfelt, and fist-pump worthy. I adored Liz’s relationship with her family and the depiction of complicated friendship. I could totally see this as a movie.

2023 thoughts: I remember this book as sweet and reading as younger YA, despite the age of the main character. The age range is listed as 12-18. Definitely no sex.

From 2022:

ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES by various.

Astrology-based anthology with good mix of YA fantasy and contemp. “Mucho, Mucho Amor” by Alexandra Villasante hit my sweet spot of family and emotions.

BAD THINGS HAPPEN HERE by Rebecca Barrow.

Beautiful, haunting, mysterious, atmospheric.

2023 thoughts:

I donated both books to the library after I read them, so that feels like a little eff you to censorship. I can’t remember if there was any sex, but if there was, it was likely only briefly mentioned. And none of it overshadowed the actual stories, since I can’t remember. But I’m also not weirdly obsessed with sex, like this banning group.

These three books are different genres, but they have one thing in common: LGBTQIA+ characters.

So, tell me again, book banners, what/who are you really trying to ban?