jennster's blog

For the love

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 22:16:00 +0000

I'm sort of sick of talking about my book. LOL Is that weird? Probably. I'm usually pretty weird.

I went to shopping today and bought a new pair of jeans. I swear the only jeans that work on my body are the Long & Lean's from GAP. And while I love them... I always end up ripping them. You know, right when they're at that perfect point of worn-in-ness and you're totally in love with them everytime you put them on. Yeah. That's when they rip. Huge, gaping rips. So I had to get some new ones. And I'm sitting here in my living room, trying to do like yoga stretches and bends so that these freaking things will stop suffocating me and S-T-R-E-T-C-H out. Don't laugh- new jeans are super tight at first! Then they stretch all willy nilly and fit perf. :)

I look forward to stupid things. Like tonight, I know we're going out to dinner at a Mexican place and all I can think about is the fact that I get to eat salty chips & salsa later.

Seriously. I'm drooling right now just thinking about it.

Clearly, I have issues. This shouldn't be news. lol

My head hurts. Sometimes I wonder what's going on inside my head- like, do little people live in there with hammers and stuff and they just chip away at things? I think they must. Cause that's what it feels like sometimes.

Speaking of my head- I read a book the other day called The Mind Readers by Lori Brighton. Holy crap, it was FANTASTIC!!! I totally loved this book so much. The concept was awesome- about a girl who can read minds, but was raised not to ever tell anyone because "people" are out to get her, and those like her. So she's always kept it to herself... until this guy comes to school who can do the same thing. There's WAY more to the story than just that, but anyway. It was awesome. I can't wait for the second book to come out. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. :)

Alright. i'm off to play with my doggies. And kiss my puppy (not a puppy) on his smooshy, fat, face. I can't get enough of that face. I mean really, could you? i <3 him!!!!

Have a great weekend everyone! I'll think of you while i'm stuffing my face with chips & salsa later! lol

You love FREE stuff, right?

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:25:00 +0000

Yep! My debut young adult novel is FREE once again! In honor of the NEWLY! (RE)EDITED! UPDATE!... i'm giving it away!

ps- the story is still the same and I haven't updated the dialogue or the writing, but the grammar and certain sequences have been reformatted so that they're easier to read. There comes a point when you have to stop rewriting your first book and walk away from it. Of course it's not perfect and there will always be things you'll want to change (cause you grow, your writing grows, etc) but if you spend all your time rewriting that first book, you'll never finish any of your other ones. It's hard to do this, but it has to be done.

So if you downloaded the old version...or have an older version... go get the newer version right now for nothing! :)

Spread the word to your friends, your enemies, and people all over. Thanks everyone-

US Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1326443490&sr=8-4

UK Amazon:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B005F0FXKM/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_g351_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0AZHP8BEETM0Y5KG35RX&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294

GERMANY Amazon:
http://www.amazon.de/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326488818&sr=8-1

SPAIN Amazon:
http://www.amazon.es/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326488951&sr=8-1

FRANCE Amazon:
http://www.amazon.fr/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326489152&sr=8-1">

it's so weird!

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:01:00 +0000

it's just weird the things people will accept without question, versus the things they won't. i guess it has to do with personal experience- what they think they "know" to be true, as opposed to what "can't possibly" be.

does this make any sense?

okay- i read a book the other day (it was The Deepest Cut by J.A. Templeton) and some of the reviews were complaining about how the love story happened way too quickly. and why did all of YA books have this aspect of falling in love lickity split? but what made me laugh was that the love story was between a girl and a ghost. so i loved how it was perfectly acceptable for her to love a ghost, but it wasn't acceptable for her to love him so fast.

WHAT????

lol

people are funny.

and picky.

the other thing- so many women in their late 20's and early 30's are reading young adult books. which is awesome, cause personally, i prefer to read them too, so i totally get it. but then, those women are the ones who write and complain about how things are "cliche" or how they hate the "dialogue", or why was everything "SOOOOO intense right off the bat" or how "annoying" it is that all the characters are "gorgeous".... etc etc etc..

and it takes everything in me to NOT remind those people that they are CHOOSING to read books that aren't written for them. and instead of making broad generalizations about how all the YA authors are the same, maybe they should stop reading YA books and start reading Adult ones? It's just funny how easy it is for people to blame every writer, instead of possibly looking within and realizing that maybe they've outgrown some YA literature. all the stuff they bitch and complain about, the teenagers love and enjoy. the teenagers can relate to that stuff. and hello, when you're a teenage girl- things happen fast! you fall in love FAST! you fall in love HARD! you think about the consequences later!

anyway. lol

it's funny the things people argue about in regards to my book. the things people try to CONVINCE others can't possibly be true- the things they question- the behaviors they call "unrealistic"... oh, if they only knew how much of that book was based on true events. most of the things people complain about and would probably bet their life couldn't be true- actually happened. so to me, it's all so ironic. it's weird what people refuse to believe in. i guess we're all shaped by our experiences.

things that have never happened to us before, or to anyone we know, might seem far fetched and unbelievable. but that doesn't mean they are.

So, I did it

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:54:00 +0000

Just to keep y'all up to date- I found an editor and she busted ass for me this past week. She gave me a lot of helpful feedback and tips and things to look for as I continue my writing in the future.

She edited In Dreams and then after I inputed all of the changes, I begged her to go through it again for me. I don't trust myself to see things clearly.

So officially, In Dreams will have an updated/edited version online as soon as Amazon loads it up! I've also sent an email to amazon to see how everyone who has already purchased an older copy of the book can access the new version if they want.

I added the cover image, table of contents, and then a sneak peak into the first chapter of the follow up book-- which i'm SUPER excited about! I want everyone who reads the book to know there's another book coming. :)

So that's it for now! hope y'all had a great weekend!

inspiration!

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:04:00 +0000

fyi- i found an editor who is AT THIS VERY MOMENT, working on any grammar issues within In Dreams. I should have the newly edited version up this weekend! just wanted y'all to know! YAY!

moving on... lol

I have a "Wall of Inspiration." lol, That's what I call it. Basically, it's the wall next to my desk where I'm supposed to work (but never do because I move around constantly, sit in weird places and go wherever feels best that day to write), filled with all sorts of quotes, song lyrics and goodies. They make me happy. :)

Fellow author, Veronica Mordem, shared a quote with me the other day that I have completely stolen, adopted, want to put onto a t-shirt and wear everynight to bed... I sort want to get it put on hats I make my dogs wear as they follow me around the house like stalkers.

"If you want to be successful, you must be willing to be uncomfortable." Gil Eagles

I am in love with this quote because "uncomfortable" was the perfect word to describe how I was feeling after all the crazy download madness! Everytime I start to freak out a little, I read those words and I feel better. Here's to making the un-comfort-ness TOTALLY WORTH IT! :)

Do you have any quotes or things you like to surround yourself with? Share them with me!

Should i UNPUBLISH my book?

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:31:00 +0000

I'm seriously weighing the options on whether or not I should unpublish In Dreams and get a professional edit done?

I know that it might be a little late since the book has already been around for months and there have been a lot of downloads lately, BUT I am beginning to think that I will have more success with it if I take it down now and fix it.

So on 1 hand, i'm sitting here thinking, "I should unpublish it... pay an ungodly amount to an editor and then republish it with a note saying it's been edited and updated. Maybe then people will hate it less?"

But on the other hand, i'm also thinking, "The women who are really bashing it aren't my target audience anyway. And everyone who has been in my target audience, has loved the story and hasn't complained about the things the older women are complaining about."

But is that any excuse to leave the book in the shape it's in when I know it can be fixed? I hate the thought of having a crappy book on the market, when I know I don't "have" to.

I know it was my first book. I know it needs a lot of work. I want to make a living writing books. And I know that going forward, I will have to pay for a professional editor. There is no way around that anymore. If I want to put out the best work that I can, I owe it to myself to have my work professionally handled. Plus, I want to put out good books- and if In Dreams is any indication to my potential appeal to a broader audience- well then it's clear... I lack appeal. lol

I think my biggest fear in regards to hiring an editor is that they won't understand my vision, or get where my story is coming from. I don't want my story to change. I don't want what i'm trying to convey to get lost in the quest for a "professionally" done piece. I can't tell you how much I genuinely LOATHE people trying to put me in a box that says "one size fits all."

I don't want to be generic.

I'm not trying to please publishing houses and this isn't a quest to sign a big book deal.

I just want to tell the stories my heart wants to tell, in the way my heart wants to tell them. I guess I just fear that my heart will get lost somewhere in an editor's personal opinion or style/taste/preference. Is that a crazy concern?

I'm straying (per usual)... so I wonder what's the best thing to do? Unpublish and polish the book? Or leave it as is?

Ugh my gut is SCREAMING at me to unpublish it and fix it. I want to feel like what i've put out there is the best it can be- and right now, it's clearly not.

Thoughts??

it's all good in the hood

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:38:00 +0000

hey everyone. thanks for listening to my pity party the past few days. i'm EXTREMELY happy to say that i'm in a far better place then i have been the last week. i feel good. i am determined to take all the negative feedback in regards to my writing and apply it to my actual writing. i want to write better. i want to tell my stories better. i want you to care about the characters. so i'm trying to learn from all of the crap. :)

anyway, enough of that. i'm sick of talking about it.

i went home and i don't think i ever posted any pics!!!! so without further adieu, here are some pics of my crazy brother and sister, my hot nephew and my soon to be hot son. :) is that weird? eh, so what.

the pier in santa monica... it was a gorgeous day!

blake walking...

i guess you're never too old to chase birds! :)

my brother, my sister and me!

LOL- this pic makes me laugh

this is awesome! i wish blake's face wasn't cut off

when my books become movies, i want him in them

playing on the lifeguard tower

cousins. or brothers as they like to tell people

sisters

you have to love my book cause you're my friend

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:12:00 +0000

why is it that we give our friends, family, or people who know us, less credit than perfect strangers?

what i mean is- it's been a rough week for me emotionally. this whole book thing is scary. and thrilling. and puke inducing. and horrifying. all at the same time.

and in all honesty, i'm not really used to feeling those kinds of emotions. i'm definitely not used to feeling queasy everytime i get online. or anxious. or sad.

these feelings suck.

i'm sort of in a yucky place right now. okay, i get it- my book isn't resonating with people the way that i hoped it would.

logic = that's okay. that's normal. keep writing.

emotions = people hate me. my writing sucks. people hate my book. i'm really sad about it.

and it's like, no matter what anyone who knows me says about my book or my writing- i totally take it with a grain of salt. because you know me, you know how i am. you know my personality. you know the way i talk. the way i deal with people. the way i write. and so you read my books differently. you can hear me in them. whether you realize it or not, you cut me some slack because i'm your friend.

that's why i find myself pretty much longing for strangers to tell me they LIKED my book. that they enjoyed the story. they found the characters fun, funny and relateable. that the idea of past lives was neat, intriguing, or something positive.

and when you don't get that.... or you find that everyone who loves your book is someone you know...

well you start to question things.

like your ability to write a good story. or a good book. or have characters that i thought were normal when i wrote them, but i keep hearing they're "too perfect" so people don't "care" about them. i guess society hates perfectly nice people. who knew?

anyway. i'm sad. i feel really down. and i know this was my very first book ever and i didn't know what the hell i was doing when i wrote it, but i still really loved my story. don't get me wrong- i wrote this book a year and a half ago and so i cringe at times when i read parts of it. and sometimes i want to scrap the book and rewrite it. but i know that if i do- i'll constantly be editing one book, and i'll never write any others. because i'm always going to be growing and shifting and learning. and the more i write, the better my writing will get (i hope).

it still really sucks to watch the star ratings on your book go down, down, down. and see that someone filed your book online in a folder called "nothing-special."

yeah.

it sort of sucks being in my head right now. go ahead and make me feel better. you're my friends so you have too. :)

and here come the BAD reviews!

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:20:00 +0000

with 16,000 free downloads, i knew i was bound to get some bad reviews on amazon (you know, like 16,000 of em- lol).

and here they come.

and i'd be lying if i said that they didn't hurt. of course they "hurt" to some extent. even when my head is nodding itself in agreement with their thoughts, my feelings are weeping.

but here's the thing. those reviews talk about something in my writing i didn't even know i did. y'all, i've never taken a writing class. i don't know anything "technically" about writing a book. i also didn't want too. i didn't want to follow the exact same formula that every potential writer is taught to follow. hell, i've already broken the first 2 "rules" that every agent posts on their website:

1. don't start a book off with a dream. CHECK! In Dreams starts with a dream!
2. don't start a book off with a phone call. CHECK! Chance Encounters starts with a call!

i think those rules are stupid. but see, i don't have an agent, so i don't have to follow them. haha

i'm straying.

shocking.

back to my point.

one of the reviewers took parts of my book and posted them. when i read those parts, i literally cringed. i was embarrassed. they sounded TERRIBLE! awful! no wonder she hated the book. i even hate the book now. lol just kidding. she's not a fan of a particular writing style- the style i write in. and that's okay. every negative review has the possibility of helping me see things from a different perspective. and it's not that i have the intention of catering to everyone's opinions, but sometimes a reader will make a valid point that the author (me) was otherwise completely unaware of.

for example- there have been a few comments about how things are confusing because i tend to change character perspectives without any warning. i didn't even realize i did that, but clearly i do. the last thing i want is to have my readers be so annoyed or confused that they can't get through the book. here's the thing:

i see the story unfolding in my head. sort of like a movie or a tv show. then i write it the way i see it. and i tend to forget that you aren't in my head with me. i skip things, i jump around- all the while stupidly assuming that you're right there with me, seeing everything i'm seeing. i sometimes forget that i have to create the world for you... i forget that you don't know the characters the way i know them...

this is a learning process for me.

in dreams was the first book i'd ever sat down and attempted to write. while i'm completely in love with my characters and their story, i know that my writing could be better. i've never claimed to the best or most talented writer out there (dur). all i wanted was to write a story that made people feel, or think about things they may have never thought of before (reincarnation, past lives, the idea of soulmates). but mostly, i just wanted to write a story that people could enjoy.

my hope is that my writing will continue to grow and get better. i truly think that with each book i write, it will. and with each negative review, i'll do my best to learn something from it. don't get me wrong, there are definitely parts to negative reviews that i don't agree with. but i realize that each person has their own style, taste, personality and interpretation. we're not all going to see things in the same exact way. even when it's written down for us- we'll interpret characters differently.
and that's okay with me. it's never been my intention to please everyone.

i may be dumb, but i'm not that dumb. ha

so i guess a thank you is in order to the negative reviewers. thank you for taking the time to write them. thank you for helping me learn where i'm flawed, where i suck and what you hate about my writing. at the end of the day, it truly is helpful and i will be a better writer for it. being a self published author means i don't have an agent. i don't have a publisher. i don't have a team behind me of professional writers, editors, and copy editors (clearly). you can't expect me to be perfect. well you can, but you'll be disappointed. :)

ps- i also need to THANK all of you who have loved/liked/enjoyed my book. you inspire me, encourage me, remind me that i do have some sort of ability to tell a decent story with good characters. you make me not want to give up or stop writing. i can't tell you how much your wonderful reviews do for me. and when you take the time to email me, when you're passionate about my characters, going crazy over something cooper did or said- it makes me smile. don't ever hesitate to email me. i might take 100 years to get back to you because sometimes i truly suck at the internet, but i will get back to you.

why self publishing is SCARY

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 19:02:00 +0000

being a self published author is scary. i know you're probably rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, "what? shutup jenn, i'm sure it's soooo scary"... but here's the thing:

risks = unknown outcomes

unknown outcomes = fear

fear sucks (cause it usually stops us from taking risks)

it is really freaking hard trying to figure out what works and what doesn't when it comes to marketing and promoting your book. i mean, us indie (i think that's the "cool" term for self pubbed authors now) authors have to take risks when it comes to our work, just for the sake of getting exposure.

for example, i allowed my book to be FREE yesterday on amazon and i got over 16 thousand downloads (thank you everyone!). way more downloads than i've ever had in the entire time my book has been for sale. and i'm super excited about the exposure. super excited at hopefully gaining some new readers, people who like my writing style, my characters, the way i tell a story, and want to read all my future books! but it's still scary. like i want to puke, scary. because obviously, since my book was free- i made $0 on all of those downloads.

and making $0 dollars doesn't pay the bills. HA! like most writers, i'd like to be able to say i make a living writing. and it's just really hard to say what works in terms of getting the billions of people in the world to know your book exists. it's hard to make your book stand out from the thousands of other e-books that are being published every.single.day.

so we take risks.

we send hundreds of free copies to book bloggers, reviewers, etc. all in the hopes of generating some kind of publicity... some sort of buzz... word of mouth. ANYTHING that will tell other people that our book is here! and it doesn't suck! and you should read it!

and you know, i don't mind doing that. but it's still scary because it doesn't always work. there is no magic formula that all self published authors can follow that will guarantee everyone the same kind of results. it's so hit and miss. what works for one author might not work for another. it's just really hard to navigate this massive e-book field right now. especially when you feel like you're navigating it alone, with your one little tiny solo book.

so, we give our book away. for nothing. not because we think it's worth nothing (we know the exact opposite is true), but it's that we aren't sure what else to do to seperate ourselves from the masses. and what are we left with after we've given away hundreds (or thousands) of our books and people still aren't buying it?

i guess we're just left...

waiting...

yet hopeful.

because i think deep down we writers know that it only takes one thing- the right moment at the right time and everything can change. and we all hope for that. because we all want people to enjoy the stories we tell.

at least i do.

but first, i'd just like everyone to know it's out there. my book exists! it's real! and it's enjoyable! and you should buy it!

and tell your friends. and your neighbors. and your dog.

cause in all honesty, after 16,000 free downloads- i don't know what the hell else to do. :)

i'm going to go throw up now. lol

my book is FREE today!

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:41:00 +0000

hey everyone! you know by now that i've written and self published my first Young Adult Paranormal Romance!!! well, all day today, FRIDAY THE 13TH it is **FREEEEE** on amazon! as far as i know, you can get it on any of the amazon sites (italy, spain, UK, germany, etc).

so if you have a kindle. or you have the kindle app like i do on my android phone, you can download a copy of my book, IN DREAMS for *FREE* all day today!

it ends at midnight california time according to amazon!

so go yourself a copy! what'cha waiting for?

and thanks. and on yeah, if you don't think it entirely sucks, could you leave a review after you read it on amazon? that would be amazeballs. but if you hate it (because you clearly have no soul) then let's just all pretend you never read it, k? k. lol

US Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1326443490&sr=8-4

UK Amazon:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B005F0FXKM/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_g351_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0AZHP8BEETM0Y5KG35RX&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294

GERMANY Amazon:
http://www.amazon.de/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326488818&sr=8-1

SPAIN Amazon:
http://www.amazon.es/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326488951&sr=8-1

FRANCE Amazon:
http://www.amazon.fr/Dreams-Dream-ebook/dp/B005F0FXKM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326489152&sr=8-1">

public service announcement regarding MY cell phone

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 21:50:00 +0000

dear world,

just because i choose to own a cell phone, does not mean that i am obligated to be at your beckon call.

my owning a cell phone does mean that i must answer it when you decide to call me. it also does not mean that i am required to respond to any text message, voice mail, or missed call within YOUR allotted time frame.

it is my cell phone.

it is my life.

it is my personal time.

it is my choice.

just because i can be reached, does not mean that i want to be.

and that my friends, is my mother fucking prerogative.

if i don't feel like answering the phone, i won't. if i don't see your text in the amount of time that you wanted me too, sucks for you.

my phone is not attached to my hip. i often leave it in rooms where i'm not. it's upstairs, i'm down. it's in the kitchen and i'm nowhere near the kitchen.

ooooh, how dare i.

the thing is... while there are many things i love about cell phones, there are a few that i don't. and it's mostly the fact that everyone thinks you should be reachable and available at all times... in their time frame... on their schedule.

but you know what? if you're one of those people- that's your problem.

no one is obligated to be available to anyone at all times. unless they choose to be. (or unless they work for you, you pay for their cell phone and have made it clear that they are your bitch.) but other than that- it's time for a reality check.

i don't give a shit that you can call me when you want, text me when you decide to, or want answers the exact moment you send me a question.

sometimes, i don't want to talk on the phone. sometimes, i don't want to deal with text messages. sometimes, i'm not even thinking about my cell phone (ooooh, the horror). when the most important people in my life are sitting next to me on the couch, i may not care whose calling my cell.

and that's my choice. because owning a cell phone does mean that i'm required to give you anymore of my time if i don't want too.

it's just weird how much we expect of others... especially when i can remember a time when there were no such thing as cell phones. there were .10 cent pay phones. and people called your house- and you didn't know who was calling. and when you weren't home, they left messages on your answering machine... the machine that recorded them with cassette tapes. tapes. and all of those people who had to wait however long it took for you to get home listen to their message and then call them back when you choose too- they all lived.

and you will too.

i won't apologize for not being at your beckon call.

i may not answer when you call (and if you call from a PRIVATE number, you can rest assured that 100% of the time, i will not answer), i may not respond to your text for hours, i may not listen to your voice mail for days (haven't we established how much i hate voice mails already?).

that's just the way i choose to be when it comes to my cell. speaking of, i better go find it. no clue where it is. ha

more! new! doggy! pics!

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:02:00 +0000

have you met our new doggy pete? i call him puppy. it makes me laugh because he is clearly NOT, a puppy. but he's so freaking cute i can barely stand it.

i think i could look at his face all day. i love him so much! he's one million times better than a brand new puppy and i'm so happy we have him in our house. :)

so today, i took him to a dog park for the very first time. and yes, i brought my camera. so here's some more pics of my puppy. lol

ps- the weather was so nice today. it almost felt like i was at home. WHICH I WILL BE ON FRIDAY! woo hoo!!! wish i could bring my doggy with me! :)

my wish for YOUR 2012

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 01:43:00 +0000

i love new years eve!! it is one of my most favorite days of the year! i associate it with new beginnings, the pursuit of dreams and realizations and goals fulfilled... and of course, my most favorite... MAGIC!

new years eve to me is magical. it's an evening filled with wonder. and hope. when our eyes and hearts seem more open than usual to the possibilities of what's to come... what will the upcoming year hold for us?

my wish for everyone in this 2-0-1-2 is...

that we are all blessed enough to follow our hearts. to feel as though we are doing what we are meant to.

that when we hear our soul's call, urging us to do that certain something that seems impossible, THAT WE AT LEAST TRY TO DO IT!

i hope that we all have the doors to our hearts open wide. and when those doors open, we feel things in ways we've never felt before. we see things through clearer eyes. we feel things through a fuller heart.

i hope that 2012 shifts our perspective. i hope we all start seeing our world differently. through heart shaped glasses instead of dollar signs. i hope we see riches defined less with the amount of money in our pockets, and more with the amount of love we are giving and receiving. sure, love doesn't pay the bills at night- but money doesn't warm your soul.

i hope that we are all blessed enough to realize what it was that we were put on this earth, in this lifetime, to do- and that just the realization alone brings us more internal peace than we've ever known before.

i'm really not sure that i can say it better than Oprah did on her finale. it held as much meaning for me then, as it does now. i hope when you read this, you find yourself shaking your head YES in agreement. i hope it speaks to you, the way it spoke to me.

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called.

Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it.

Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. ... We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion.

Because that is what a calling is.

It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show.

To live from the heart of yourself.

You have to make a living; I understand that.

But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

Happy 2012 everyone! let this be the year that we each go out and find what illuminates us, and light up the world with our inner glow!

if you see me in the grocery store, you should probably run the other direction

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:33:00 +0000

um.

y'all?

if you know me, know me.... (you know, like in real life and stuff) then you know that i'm not really a klutz. i do however do lots of stupid and silly things like, put gravy on my salad as the dressing... or fall completely sober on the dancefloor while having a pretend makeout session with my girlfriend during the song, "i kissed a girl"...

but otherwise... i don't think people think of me as a "klutz."

at least not to my face. haha :)

so, these last 2 trips of mine to the grocery store have been completely out of character. not to mention, dangerous! oooh, i've become dangerous. how sexy.

no no, this is not that kind of dangerous! it's the bad kind. the dangery kind. for reals. so if you see me- i am not kidding when i tell you... RUN THE OTHER WAY! get as far away from me as possible!

because two times ago i was in the pasta aisle and i turned a jar of sauce to read the label on the back, it fell off the shelf. i tried to do the whole juggle thing with my hands, while one arm was holding a carry on cart thing, and then my hair fell in front of my eyes and i had no idea where the jar was anymore. so i just threw my foot up in the air in the hopes that my leg would have eyes and be magical or something and i'd actually catch the freaking jar of sauce on my foot. or at least break its fall.

but no.

i don't think my magical foot was anywhere near the jar of sauce as it plummeted to the ground. do you know that my brain actually thought, "oh, it's not going to break. it's going to hit the ground and be totally fine. i broke its fall enough with my mad juggling skills that maybe it will BOUNCE when it lands."

ahem.

bounce?

i think my brain bounced.

that bitch SHATTERED to the floor below and broke into a billion pieces. did i mention that this aisle is right by the door? so everyone walking in was muttering things like, "awwwwww" and "oh no!!!" and there were gasps of horror. because this was clearly a tragic moment in grocery store history.

and i realize that people probably break things all the time in stores, but i never have before. and it looked like a freaking crime scene. it would have been awesome if someone had busted out some tape and outlined the blob on the ground. lol

okay... moving on to TODAY!

i grabbed a cart that had a weird front wheel. but me, being the non-discriminatory cart person that i am, stuck with the disabled shopping cart.

so once i was done shopping and the cart was filled with all my stupid shit... the front wheel STOPPED moving.

it just stopped.

have you ever had a cart stop moving on you before? well if you haven't, let me tell you what happens. you turn into a complete non functioning person. because your body doesn't stop trying to push the damn thing. but it's done moving. and then, everything happens really quickly.

so the wheel stopped.

but i didn't.

and the fucking thing TIPPED OVER ON ITS SIDE!

holy shit, i can't stop laughing right now. lol

it was so loud as it crashed to the freaking ground. and everyone waiting to check out was like, "OH MY GOD!" and "OH NO!" "WHAT HAPPENED?" "ARE YOU OKAY?"

what the hell? who has a shopping cart just tip all the way over? and do you know how ackward it is trying to put it back upright is? it doesn't want to go!!! good lord. lol

did i mention the eggs? oh yeah, they died.

another tragedy in the grocery store. thanks to yours truly.

clearly the lesson here is that i should no longer be allowed to grocery shop unsupervised.

or supervised.

i should probably be banned altogether.

dear facebook - aka the place that can't leave well enough alone

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:47:00 +0000

please dear god, for the love of all that is holy and right with this world,

STOP FUCKING WITH MY PROFILE PAGE!!!!!!

i sincerely do not understand why that concept is so fucking difficult for you to grasp? why do you INSIST on changing our pages every 6 months? i freaking LOATHE it, every.single.time.

but this time? it's the worst. the banner and what-not is sort of cute- totally liveable, but the rest of it? confusing as all hell. makes no sense. why is everything all over the place in little myspace boxes? but it's not even different information. it's just status updates everywhere. it's freaking stupid, mark fuckerface.

if i could close my account and still be able to maintain my "fan" pages, i would. because you make me HATE facebook. you make it suck. and i don't understand why you can't just leave well enough alone?

also, since you clearly have a problem sitting still... or you constantly have a "let's redesign everyone's profile pages.. again! and then let's do it again tomorrow! oh, this is so much fun!" hair up your ass.... can you at least make the update OPTIONAL?

so if people love the new pages layout and look- they can choose to display their page that way? and for those of us (the smarter bunch) who know how messy and stupid it looks, can keep our pages the way we like?

i hate you.

you're like some sort of lunatic who gives people no choice. you probably get off on the control.

well knock it off, fuckerbitch. you're pissing me off.

but i'm sure you'll do it again in 6 months.

why does everyone always want everything for FREE?

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 22:32:00 +0000

i have found that trying to start your own business(es) means:

that people will constantly surprise and amaze you.

in both good and bad ways.

the people you know will want your services for nothing. or at least at an extremely discounted rate. and while i understand that to a degree on one hand- the other hand, (you know, the one that's empty and has no money in it because i don't have a job and i'm trying to create ONE by starting a business) is like.. WHAT THE FUCK? if i give everyone i know all my services and products for FREE, then how am i ever supposed to make any money? i can't create or be successful in any business i try to launch, if i don't charge my friends at least something.

and that's the other thing- i cannot for the life of me, imagine asking one of my friends who is trying to start a business, to do some of the things i'm asked to do...

it's one thing if it's offered.

it's another thing if it's not.

part of me thinks that people just don't get it. what goes into everything i do. i mean, how can they?

if you aren't a photographer then you don't you don't know what it's like to shoot hundreds of photos during one session, and then spend over/up to 2 hours just narrowing down the best shots. and then i typically spend anywhere from six to ten hours processing the photos. it may not sound like much, but it is a lot of detail work. a lot of staring at the computer, making a beautiful shot, even more beautiful. i love the results i get, but it IS work for me to get them that way. and it's time consuming.

if you're not a baker then you don't know that i worked my ass off for over 16 months on my cupcake recipes and frostings. you don't know that i didn't have a chocolate frosting for almost 2 years because i couldn't make one that didn't taste like shit on my cupcakes. you don't understand how much time, care, and perfection goes into baking up the yummiest cupcakes in the world (ahem, those would be mine by the way... in case you were wondering-lol). but i guess the thing that tends to shock me the most when it comes to my cupcake business... is the sheer number of people who ask me for my recipes.

MY RECIPES!!!!!!

why the hell would i give you my recipes to my cupcakes? then you would never order them from me again because you could just make them yourself. and really, WHO asks that of someone?

i guess the same kind of people who ask me for my books for free. i wrote that book. it took me almost a year from start to finish to have that book ready to print. it came from my guts. why wouldn't you want to support it? i have to buy my books in advance. they cost money. and then i have to pay for shipping. that costs money too. i don't make that much profit on my paperback books. but some of my friends want them for free. for every person who i gave a free paperback copy too- i PAID you. not only did i give you the book, but i gave you the money it cost to make it, write it, ship it, etc.

you're welcome.

and i don't mean to sound like a bitch or anything, but it's just that i'm shocked i guess at how many people want something for nothing. especially when they know i'm currently unemployed. i don't have a job. i don't have an income. why the fuck would you want my stuff for free?

it surprises me everyday the people who choose to support me (in all honesty, it surprises me everyday as well, the people who choose NOT too). i never expected that so many people that i went to HIGH SCHOOL with would buy my book. i know that might sound weird, but high school was a long ass time ago. so many of my hs friends have jumped on the book train, simply to support what i'm trying to do. and that, is really what true friends are made of.

i could not appreciate their support any more than i already do. they all blew my mind. in the best way possible. so i thank them for that.

it's been amazing seeing who has supported and bought my book. it's also been a little sad at seeing certain groups of people not support, not help, not offer something to spread the word (when they have a lot they could do with their reach, influence, followers, fans), but i guess that's life.

i'm definitely learning who i can count on to be there for me ... as well as who won't. it's just funny, the people i expected hands down to really do something- haven't at all. a group of people who claim to be so focused on community, support and building each other up- they all just want THEMSELVES built up.

but then again, maybe i haven't done enough for them in the past?

who knows?

all i do know is- if you have a friend who is trying to start a business- be considerate, and offer to pay for their services. they'll thank you for it down the road.

being an indepenent author ...

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 02:25:00 +0000

means i call myself things like an "indie" author... or that i "self pubbed" ... basically, without asking for it, i'm now part of a club. a group. because i self published, i'm a part of indie authors who also did the same thing.

the thing is- the shift is happening. no longer does self publishing = shitty books. there are some damn good self published books out there. some really great writers who couldn't, or didn't, get representation from an agency, or a publishing house.

it's cool though- because most of the indie authors i've come across? are truly nice people. they are helpful. and inspiring. and encouraging.

we ALL want one another to succeed. because the more indie authors who break the "norm" and succeed, the more regular readers stop to take notice of what's out there.

because honestly, that's the hardest part for me about self publishing.

no one helps you market your books. no one gets a million people to hear about your book and then insists that they buy it. i spend days upon days online doing social marketing for myself and my book(s). i mean that i have to set aside full and complete days when i will do NOTHING else (no writing, no designing, no notes) except comment on blogs, ask people to read and review my book, post on goodreads, facebook, twitter.

it's a lot of work. and i know it may not sound like it to you, but i guess it's just time consuming. and it sucks when you don't seem to get ANYTHING out of it. it sucks when you spend a shitload of time marketing your book, but you get zero book sales out of it.

anyway... the new elite group that i'm a part of (indie authors, remember)... we're having an INDIE AUTHOR BLOWOUT!

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS BOOK SPECTACULAR!!

hundreds of e-books, all genres, all for only .99 cents!!!!!

http://indiebookblowout.com

i don't even have a freaking e-reader, but i'm going to download some of the books because there are some fantastic sounding books on this list! (i think i can read them on my phone, or computer, maybe??)

my book, IN DREAMS, will be featured on DAY SIX of the blowout!

anyway, it's a great way to discover new independent authors and maybe find some great stories! you can also enter to win a kindle! pretty cool eh?

help spread the word... or shout it out on twitter?

you guys are the only help we have. so THANK YOU.

if you buy from indie authors... thank you for the support.

truly.

new doggy!

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 09:45:00 +0000

a friend of boyfriend's inherited a doggy.
well, it was his mom's dog...but his mommy passed away.
so then it was his dad's dog...but his dad is sick.
and well, he can't keep the dog.

so boyfriend said we would take him and if our other psychotic/crazy dog could be normal and not be affected by the new addition....

THEN WE COULD KEEP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm already in love!!!!

so, meet PETE! :)

who i affectionately call things like "pegged leg pete the pirate of the pacific" ... "peter mcpeterson" ... and... "fat head."

but i realized today that i really want to call him BEAR! cause pete... well it doesn't flow. and it doesn't fit him, really.

so i'll start him off slow... tomorrow i'm gonna start calling him "petey bear"... and eventually i'll drop the petey altogether and he'll just be bear!

poor thing won't know what hit him. ha! :)

but really, isn't he just the cutest thing you've ever seen?!?!?!

there once was a mouse named christmas

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 01:53:00 +0000

the other day while the boy and i were chilling downstairs, i saw something scurry out of the corner of my eye.

WHAT WAS THAT??!?!?! i wondered to myself before i saw IT scurry again.

it was a mouse!

a mouse!

in my house!!!

which most of you are probably freaking out, and shuddering, or being like EWWWWWW! right? because i think that's probably a normal reaction to a rodent being in the house.

but um, not if you're me.

cause if you're me... then you're like, "oh my god, he's sooooooooo cute! and little! and FAST! and can i catch him and keep him as a pet? pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

because clearly, i am not a normal.

and probably also because when i saw that little mouse, i give him a name like CHRISTMAS, and i dressed him in clothes and hats in my head.

you know, like this (blame bass/rankin)

aren't they cute?!?!?!!

told you. :)

okay, so i want to catch christmas and keep him as a pet and watch him fix my broken clock that sings christmas carols to santa, but boyfriend is all like, "YOU ARE DISGUSTING! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? IT'S A FILTHY RODENT THAT CARRIES GERMS AND DISEASES AND YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM AS A PET!!!!!"

clearly, boyfriend sees christmas like this

anyway, after his response i made my bestest sad face and eyes.

he was unfazed.

he's heartless.

so tonight... just now in fact.. i was looking under the kitchen sink and THERE WAS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

dead.

in a mouse trap.

and that my friends, is the short story of a mouse named christmas.

i'm going to go cry now.

what new tv shows are you loving?

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:14:00 +0000

it's been enough time for us to decide what new tv shows we love! and what ones we think suck! ha!

what are you watching this season that you're loving?

for me, on monday nights, i've completely fallen for hart of dixie! i loved this show from the get go! i've missed rachel bilson and i <3 my girl, jaime king... i think the show is really cute, sweet, with likeable characters. i sort of want to live there. we NEED a show like this- a show that reminds us about community, family, eating good food and tradition. it makes me smile. :)

i also am really liking the secret circle (right after my MOST FAVORITE SHOW IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD RIGHT NOW, the vampire diaries on thursday nights) because it's about witches and spells and magic! and did you know i'm writing a witch series? i started thinking that i didn't want to watch this show because the first episode was EERILY similiar to how my book starts, but after watching it more, we're not on the same path. lol so i like it! it's fun, although the opening music terrifies the hell out of me!

revenge on wednesday's is the bomb. even though i find it COMPLETELY predictable at times, i still find it RIDICULOUSLY enjoyable. i think it's unlike any other show i've seen before. i like the premise and i love the outlandish characters. it's entertaining and i'm hooked!

last but not least, i'm in love with once upon a time on sunday nights. i don't know what exactly it is about this show, but i freaking A-D-O-R-E it! i think it is SO creative, clever and puts a twist on every single fairy tale we've ever known or heard of. it's brilliant. i love it. i have no idea how or where it's going to go, but i'm excited to follow!

so yeah! those are my shows!!! what are you watching and loving? i wanna know! :)

holiday's are for grieving

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 23:40:00 +0000

it's that time of year again.

the start of the holiday season. where everyone i know can't stop thinking about the people they've lost. where the days become that much harder to get through. where our thoughts are consumed by the ones we don't have anymore.

and i totally get it.

i do.

it's fucking hard this time of year. it's hard because the entire focus of the holiday's is on family and love and being surrounded by those people you care the most about.

well what if the people you care the most about are no longer living?

then how are you supposed to find your happiness? how are you supposed to be thankful? how are the holiday's supposed to bring you joy, instead of sadness? sometimes it's really hard to see around our grief.... to see through the pain of loss.

for everyone who is struggling this time of year:

i send you peace.

and love.

and the hope that you will find it a little easier to spend your time seeing the people and things you do have in your life. the ones who love us, believe in us, support us, encourage us, lift us up, shape us, etc. instead of the ones you don't.

if we spend the whole day thinking only about what we've lost, then we lose sight on what's right in front of us. we stop seeing the people in front of our eyes when we focus solely on the ones we've lost sight of.

they wouldn't want that.

hell, they don't want that. cause you know they're watching. and when we're nothing but sad, it makes them sad. you know?

anyway, happy thanksgiving everyone.

i hope you have a day that's filled with love. and when you find yourself grieving for those who are gone and you get lost in old memories... don't forget about the ones who are still right there with you, waiting to make new ones.

(i know, i know... so much easier said than done)

12 days of christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 05:11:00 +0000

just a quick post to let you know that i'll be participating in the 12 days of christmas .99 cent e-book special!

there will be HUNDREDS of kindle books for sale!

HUNDREDS!

all for .99 cents! :)

i'll post more information as soon as i get it, but i'm excited to be included in this!

the end. :)

ps- i've written a complete version of my upcoming book, Chance Encounters! it's currently with my editor, so we'll see if I can get it out before the holiday's? :)

breaking dawn pt 1

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 00:32:00 +0000

yeah, yeah... you all KNOW i saw this movie. and you also know i can't resist writing about it. lol

um... i sort of feel about this one the way i felt about the first harry potter movie. i mean, the first half of the last hp movie.

i was sort of bored with this movie. don't get me wrong, the wedding scene was stunning! gorgeous! beautiful! and in all honesty, i LOVED how the characters laughed, smiled and genuinely had more fun in this movie than they have in all 3 other movies combined.

i think we've gone full past movies without a single smile from edward or bella. who wants to see frowny faces all the time? not me.

so yeah-i love that they are finally happy (for the most part). and i really love how all of them are together in this movie- the whole cullen clan plus the wolfies. it's nice to have everyone around all the time. it was romantic and sweet.

but yeah.

the wedding scene was a little long.

and the honeymoon scene was way too long.

i think they could have put the whole book into one movie. they definitely could have condensed this entire movie down into the necessary parts required to lead into the finale.

but they didn't.

of course.

cause if you were making the kind of money these movies were, would you? no, i didn't think so. i'd probably be like, LET'S MAKE EACH CHAPTER ITS OWN MOVIE! ha

thankfully, the actors have come a long way. their acting flows better and they're all clearly comfortable with one another. it shows. i did miss the humor that emmitt normally has. but the edward and jacob scenes were nice. and little wolfie seth was awesome. they did the bella starving scenes grotesquely well. her body was horrifying. *shudder*

so yeah. now i can't wait for the 2nd movie because it's going to be all the action and all the good stuff (just like the 2nd harry potter).

and the fact that we all have to wait an entire year for it, when it's already done- it just annoying. lol

i want all his days to be happy

noreply@blogger.com (jennster) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:41:00 +0000

i know it's not realistic.

and it's probably stupid to even think that i want this (because then how will he ever learn anything in life? grow? become determined? learn that life isn't fair and you have to work really hard for the things that you want? get focus? find strength? etc)... but the mom part of me really wants to protect my son from anything that could ever hurt or disappoint him in life.

i know it's dumb.

but really, am i the ONLY parent who's ever wanted to wrap their kid up in emotional bubble wrap that's coated with golden retriever puppies who never poo or pee in the house and always stay little? fine. i might be the only mom who's wanted to do that, exactly. but i'm sure i'm not the only parent who wishes she could spare her kid some pain.

i wonder if part of my want is based on the fact that it really.fucking.hurts when shitty things happen to your kid.

when they get let down, stepped on, treated unfairly or poorly, or when they have to sit by and watch part of a dream walk away- i feel like it hurts me a thousand times worse when it's something that's happening to him, as opposed to when it's something that's happening to me.

does that even make sense?

i guess the bottom line is, i hate to see my son not get the things he works hard to get. it hurts like hell. and i know it's a part of life, but it's a part that never seems to get any easier. matter of fact, it feels like it's only getting harder.

the let down's seem bigger.

the pain feels stronger.

this part was definitely left out of the mommy handbook. people never tell you the good stuff.

you're welcome.

ps- how are all of you parents with MORE than 1 kid, not complete and utter emotional wrecks all the time? you deserve medals. or cupcakes.