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I made Alltop Moms. Oooh, did that come across as brag-ish? Ohgood. As an Alltop-er, I get to choose a badge… I like this one,

I have no shame, isn’t that right, Alltop? I also like this one,
 

Because it’s big and what better yells “I think I rock” better than a REALLY BIG badge? I also like this one,

Because it reminds me of my new obsession with Chuck Norris, but I think the badge that I will put in my sidebar will be this,

It’s subtle. It infers that I like being aligned with “the cool”, and also infers I do not think I am worthy to be involved in such an honorable grouping… It suggests a meek-quality… a person who considers others better than herself… lowly, humble… What are you laughing at? Yeah, me too.

Now, if you want to find me on Alltop, go here and scroll down. Don’t stop… keep… kee…… kkkk…..keep goin’… aaaannnnd, yeah… keeeeeep going…. There! There I am! Now take a few minutes and look through the other blogs listed there. It’s a great resource, and that is why I am so tickled to be a part of it.

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In other blogging news: I get to head to the big city this morning! Thanks to Seattle Mom Blogs an opportunity opened up for those in SMB interested, to head to a local gaming company to play video games, take a peek at new games coming out, get a behind-the-scenes look at, uh… stuff… meet people who make the games. Oh, and lunch… They’re providing lunch!

I feel all… actually I feel nervous. I mean, decisions must be made! Do I wear mom jeans? Khakis? Cargo pants? Do I wear my signature red sequined Converse (my brand, my brand). A girl gots-ta represent. Or does she? Should I wear a t-shirt? Or something nicer? Straight hair or curly? What does a woman wear to an event where moms are going to test video games and eat a free lunch? Yoga pants? Whether it’s playing video games or meeting a dignitary - it always come down to this: What am I going to wear???!

Oh, can you imagine the exciting update? 

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Back to the “behind” thing… I hate doing this “one note for the masses” sort of thing, but…

Hi all my wonderful blog friends! I have all your comments tucked away all toasty warm in my inbox. I assure you they are cozy and giddy with comfort. Every one. I give your comments only the finest chocolate morsels and whisper things such as, “You are such a nice comment…” and “You look so hawt sitting there in my inbox, you sexy comment you…”

I appreciate each and every comment you generously create, and will get back to you, my much adored comment authors… my friends. I know it takes time to come and visit and more time to let me know you came by, or to encourage me, or to make fun of me… I love it all. I do not take it for granted that I have got some truly golden friends here. 

Kiss, kiss… hug, hug… Thanks for making my day, every day :)

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Hi Friends! It’s Make Me Laugh Monday! What better day to seek out laughter than Monday… I fell compelled to apologize. I am doing it again… I just can’t help it. My husband showed me a Chuck Norris video, and… and… Oh here… Just… Here:

And just one more quote that I found here:

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

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Won’t you join in? Anyone is welcome! The point is to not only find some laughter to start out the week, but to also help get some traffic to each other’s sites. For more detailed details go here. You can either leave a comment with a link to your MMLM post - or leave a quick comment and plug in your info into Mr. Linky - he’ll generate a linky to your MMLM post - and then WE can come see what the heck is so funny!

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Oh mah achin’ back! Where’s that blasted-dum-diggity heating pad?

So, today he hits me with some questions that leave me reaching for my dentures cane a bit insulted. Take a peek at the following picture:

That there faucet belongs to a house in which friends live. Isn’t that a REALLY COOL faucet?! It’s so retro, like this old-school water pump, yes?

Where’d I put my spectacles? Great-kermudgin-clackatass!

After using one of those cool faucets, my son came out of the bathroom and asked, “Are those like the kind of faucets you had to use when YOU WERE A KID MOM?”

?????

!!!!!

I need some warm milk. Who the smhmickety-schmack is gonna get me my warm milk! *dentures dislodge*

And then… AND. THEN. Tonight, he went back to the whole “black and white” film thing. We were watching Annie (the original)… My friends… My peers (a.k.a. “old people”) make sure you have on extra DentuGrip… he asked,

Mom? Were all movies in black and white when you were a kid? And was there talking? Because I saw an old movie in black and white and there was no talking and just a piano playing. *does piano hands*

The paramedics arrived at my home and applied the paddles to my age-ed chest. All I could say was, “NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!! THIS Annie that you are watching is THE SAME ANNIE I WATCHED when I was a kid!” *crossed arms* I think I said “Neener”. No, but he TOTALLY would have deserved it if I did.

TarNation. Well… Whose gonna help me trim my ear hair? I have Bridge Club in the morning and ya’ll know I like my ear hair trimmed… I want to look reel perty for Walter, that new retiree. He’s got chrome on his walker… Rawr! 

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The other day I found a picture of sunflowers I made out of fabric remnants YEARS AGO (pre-children). It is not my style anymore - I am older, wiser and more refined. Stop laughing. I AM refined, like sugar. 

As I was saying, I found this picture:

Though it is not my decorating style, I still think it’s pretty cute. I even made the frame out of leftover lumber of some sort. So, I offered my creation to Olivia for her room. The girls want a garden theme and this would fit. Olivia asked, “Mom?! Did YOU make THAT?” I was all, “You know it.” And she was all, “You used to be a CREATOR???!!!” Yeah, her socks blew off her feet cuz for all my creative skillz that blew them right off.

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Last year I offered to help in my son’s classroom for the Halloween party. Joel’s teacher asked me to spear-head the craft-portion of the party. Immediately, my chest got all twisty. But lucky for me, she had an ediblecraft in mind - that involved chopping, but no hot glue - YAY! It involved fruit… and I just needed to do a little creative chopping:

An orange owl with raisin eyes, pretzel “eyebrows” and an apple beak. 

I actually offered up 2 beak options - here is the pineapple beak:

In all honesty, I was a bit skeptical about the craft. I didn’t know if it was “involved” enough for the second graders. However, it was the biggest hit! They were in the middle of a unit on owls, so they just ate this craft up - literally and otherwise.

Crafty or not - if you are stuck and need an activity for school or home… this “edible owl” is something to add to that notebook of crafts that you will never get to. I should not make such assumptions. I am sorry. Maybe I am the only one with notebooks full of great craft ideas that I’ll never get to. Happy crafting!

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While waiting for her x-ray she asked, “What are you going to blog about today?”

Me, “Oh… probably something about the very important vice-presidential debate that is happening tonight.”

She, “Oh…”.

I pressed… “Why? Do you want me to write about this?”

Olivia, “No.”

Me, “Were you worried I’d write about this?”

Olivia nodded and looked relieved.

So… I won’t blog about THAT.

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Today I will write about what I did Wednesday night! Plus, it was way more fun than poop. It’s true. My friend Lisa and I went to a concert. I saw 3 bands I’d never heard of. The genre: folk/rock-folk/country/blues/bluegrass/afrobeat. Yeah, righ tin line with my retro-pop-80’s obsession…

Here’s what went down:

Prior to the concert we ate a hearty blue-cheese burger, fries and each enjoyed a Mac and Jacks-ish type ale. Whilst we wuz eating ferverishly so-as to make the concert on time… 2 old fellers (like, “Dad? What are YOU doing here?”-old) saw fit that we should have a conversation. I still think they should have been given barka loungers to sit on instead of barstools, but that’s just me making a wide-sweeping judgement.

“But Jenny, can you give us a better description of these fellers?”

That is a great idea! I think a video clip would give you the best idea:

Yes. It was an entertaining conversation… as you might imagine. For example they told Lisa she looked like Nicole Kidman, and I was told I looked like Julia Roberts. It was hard for me not to spit my ale about the establishment - for the last time someone told me I looked like The Great Julia Roberts I was 19 and the complimenter was not the brightest star in the sky aaaand drunk. Yay. One must be drunk for me to look like Julia Roberts! Maybe instead of greeting My Public with “Hi!” I should keep hard liquor and shot glasses in my purse…

Oh those poor old fellers tryin’ to flirt with “movie stars” at a tavern in Ballard on a Wednesday night. While I would love to look like J.R., I am 8 feet shorter, 1300 pounds heavier, and much, MUCH younger. However, she and I DO have something in common - a laugh that’ll shake pictures off of walls.

Another point in the conversation worth noting was the following “compliment” directed at Me: “Wow. You got some guns. Wow. And those shoulders…”

Alright. I work out. I also have “non-small” arms, but have some muscle tone. I hate my arms. I have always had big arms. Now that I lift weights I do have muscle definition… On. My. Big. Arms. I feel big arms with some definition is better than big arms without. Yes? So, thank you sir, for saying something about my man-arms. And I in all my wit only had this for a reply,

Why thank you. I am half-man.

I mean, what’s a girl with “some guns” supposed to say? I will never hear, “Wow. Your arms are so dainty… like Tinker Bell…” Maybe I should start competing in arm wresting competitions. Or take up logging…

Aaaaaaanywho. We arrived at the concert - bellies full. We gained lawful entry into concert venue, purchased a coupla drinks and waited for the show to start. Like the committed bloggers that we are - we took pictures with our iPhones! I took these:

Here I am sitting with mah dancin’ shoes at the Tractor Tavern in Ballard.

And here’s my Lisa groovin’ on Laura Marling and her talented band!

So - we saw 3 bands - Mumford & Sons, Laura Marling & the headliner: Johnny Flynn. Never heard of ‘em. But now I have! Did you know that folk music can really rock?! Uh. Mah. Gah. These folks were AWESOME. There was even an electric banjo! Did you know there are such things as electric banjos? Electric banjos rock! RAWK!

Ya know, I think when it really comes down to it - live music is just the best. Just is. Just is…

And a final picture for you. Lisa scored a picture of Julia Roberts me and my son Johnny Flynn himself. Thank you young Johnny for humorin’ the old ladies… Thank you Lisa for cropping out my walker for this picture… and for making sure I left my dentures in. And, Leesy Lis, thank you for keeping my “guns” out of the shot too. 

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My political platform??? See above.

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Outside of the usual “bump by the nose piercing” inquiries, various triathlon and marathon stomach ache issues, the there-is-no-way-I’m-publishing-THAT-for-public-viewing inquries, the “bedroom enhancement” inquries, and oh-my-heck… what’s up with all the “mistress” inquries??? I have selected my favorites to share here. Since these folks came here looking for answers, I feel compelled to answer them. That’s me, a giver.

site www.jennyonthespot.com wellness - I am working on that whole “wellness” thing. Sure hope you found something besides my posts that glorify Oreos.

site www.jennyonthespot.com ridiculous - Here.

how to make someone laugh on the spot - Tickle their belly… or toes. Or go here.

thinking literally - I’m a huge fan of thinking literally, when I actually THINK. But had you searched “literally thinking”, then I’m sure you’d not have ended up here. Me + thinking = not so much.

where can you get the shots to get your butt larger - You… Me - not on the same wavelength. I can’t help you with where to find shots for such things, but I have seen these. I hear some folks use these to sit on cold bleachers at high school football games to keep their tushies warm… Golly folks, I am a wellspring information. At your service.

site www.jennyonthespot.com friends - Friends are very important. I highly encourage having some.

site www.jennyonthespot.com skillz - That’s right. You came to the right place. “Skillz” takes time to develop. You used “skills” with a “Z”. You know “skills” with a ‘Z’ is the advanced level of skill. This form of skill is to be used sparingly. It is a compliment of highest regard. Please take care not to taint the inherent awesomeness of The Z.

seabrook washington - Great place. I highly recommend a visit. P.S. Seabrook, I am willing to accept a complimentary stay for pimping you out. I can write more about your wonderful community… for a fee.

easier ask forgiveness than permission - Don’t adopt that philosophy. I advise truth. It just works out better for everyone that way.

jenny humilitation biker - Why do you joy in my humiliation? No answer for you!

skillz just fa my man - Not gonna answer that. You are not clicking on the right search results, are you?

pichers of butts - OK, as much as I would like to say I have no pictures of butts on my site… I do. Fully clothed and prolly not what you’re searching for. However I have no pichers of butts. Sorry. You may leave now.

how to name your road bike - However you want, silly!

pictures or directions on how to make a cake look like a butt - I’m sure I could make a butt cake and post pictures of the steps, but I am too busy blogging. I would suggest a round cake pan (like a soccer ball form) and work from there. Make your frosting flesh-colored, but I feel like I should mention - EW! 

does it matter whether your fruits are on the top shelve of a fridge the middle shelve or the bottom drawer? - I’m going to have to call on My Public for this… anyone?

pics of my aunt butt - Aunt Robin, somebody’s callin’ you out! 

biker jenny stories - Here’s one.

green snot swimming - I usually swim in water, myself. Yes. Water. I suggest you switch from swimming in green snot to water.

i think i popped a blood vessel in my neck - Uh. Step away from Google and call 911 immediately.

6 months camping - leg shaving - I advise against camping for so long, but if you must… nix the shaving. Here’s why

to make a good friend laugh - That’s a no brainer! You gotta check out Lisa’s post!

cute jenny braces - I know. Go to my Flicker account and get your fill of cute Me in my braces…

i don t know if i can swim an olympic tri - Yes you can! Just practice. You can, you can, you can!!! Don’t believe me? Leave a comment with a valid email address and I can detail further. Seriously.

what do you tell your child if the tooth fairy forgot to come - Find answer here.

my squishy belly - I got nuttin’… ‘cept my own squishy belly. My condolences.

fecal fortune telling - No answer for you! Go away Creepy Creeperson!

marathon trash bag clothes rain - There are a couple of things one can do with trash bags at a rainy marathon. One is: wear it on the run. It keeps you dry-er. I’ve done it. Rip a hole on the bottom of the bag for your head, and a hole on each side for your arms. Two, put your pre and post-race stuff in there and give it to the folks that tends to the racer’s things. It’s best to write your race number on the bag. That’s too easy. Gimme something harder.

do magnetic nose studs hurt to wear - Speaking from experience (circa 1988)… YES. But only if the magnet gets stuck Up. Your. Nose. Just speaking from experience here. 

shwannoma eye - I misspelled Schwannoma in my original post, but if you want to know all about my Schwannoma and it’s removal - go here.

kitsap tri turtle triathlon results - You will find them here. I am #57 overall, in case you wanted to know that too.

hairy triathlon pictures - Sorry, can’t help you. You may want to rethink the things you really want to see.

tired of my kids - In all seriousness… it happens. I don’t mean that in a “flip” way. It is normal and to be expected and you are not alone. Next time leave a comment and your email address and we can talk and I can direct you to other moms who also get tired of their kids - good moms that get tired of their kids! We don’t want to admit it, but it’s real, and there is comfort when we know we are not alone.

exciting thing s people have done this summer - Golly… Camping? Vacationing? Rock-climbing? Swimming?  I’m sure the list is quite long.

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My question for you is this… Do you remove your apron when you use the restroom? I got to thinking. I know, “thinking” is not my forte’, but… When I cook without an apron, I don’t remove the clothes I am cooking in if I need to *ahem* use the little girl’s room, so why is it I feel compelled to remove my apron? The ties are not long, so there is no danger of an accidental “dip”. Tell me, what do you do… or what do YOU think? Noble Pig? Evil Chef Mom?? Anybody??? Everybody????

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My second inquiry is a bit more complex. I am thinking about teaching a class at my local parks and recreation department on beginning blogging. I am not a super-star blogger… Who am I to do something like this except that - no one else is doing it! I am well-aware of the fact that I am no “pro”… but I know a thing or two. Despite my non-supa-star-blogger status, I am compelled to pursue this. So compelled I picked up a little “class proposal” from the parks & rec department today. *gasp*

I have found that a number of local folks have asked me questions about blogging. Questions that have been in my capacity to answer. I am just feeling a bit unsure since I don’t have the high stats, comment numbers… I haven’t written for another blog or an online magazine ‘r somethin’. I’m just Jenny. However… I have been blogging 4.5 years and have learned a few things. I could know more… but I’d have until next Spring, even next Summer to pull it all together…

So. My question for you is not necessarily whether I SHOULD do it (but if you have an opinion on that, I’m wide open!)… My question is - if you were (or if your currently ARE) just starting or thinking about starting a blog - what would your questions be? What information would have been helpful when you first began blogging? Regrets? Your own tips? I have LOTS of ideas, tons of notes, and a great number of links… but much of my acquired information is based on MY questions and experience. If I do this, I want to give a good foundation to build on, and as much as I pretend that everything is all about me - I know it is not… but it is… I digress.  

So - lay it on me peeps… please? Pretty please? I don’t actually know if this will fly, but I think I really want to give this a shot. Or at least TRY to give it a shot. Who knows if anyone will even sign up. I think I’d rather try and flop than not try at all.

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Folks. My friend Lisa - of The Blozulfog just posted prolly the Best. Post. Ever! Of course it’s about me…Oh, and her, but also ME… So… yeah… But seriously, it’s wicked funny. She’s got mad bloggin’ SkillZ - that’s right - Skills with a “Z”! You gotta check it out. 

Love ya Lisa….MWAH!

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- A very special Thank You! to PapaTV for his generous permission to use this very special photograph! -

I know. You are probably asking yourself, “What’s up with this whole “Chuck Norris theme, Jen?  Are you going to buy a monster truck, grow a mullet, cut the sleeves off your favorite button-up blouse and start wearing Carhartt???? Are going to be trading your Converse All-Stars for steel-toe boots? Are you trading in your Confidence Apron for a work-belt? Jenny?! Chuck Norris, Chuck Snorris! It’s Make Me Laugh Monday! Chuck ain’t never made ME laugh!”

We’ll just see about that! The other night. No. Not that one - the OTHER night. Yes. I wasted spent some time on Facebook. Yes. Facebook. Shutup.

My favorite thing in Facebook is the flair… witty little sayings on little “buttons”. (BTW… Dear Facebook, I need another flair board. Thank you, Jennyonthespot) I digress… Some flair are plain dumb, others are cute, while others make me laugh so hard I wish I wore Pampers. The Chuck Norris flair… had me shopping online for Pampers, in bulk.

And now, I give to you, the absolute toughness and blind worship of Chuck Norris as found on Facebook flair - in all it’s hilarity. Also, it was late and Lisa at The Blozulfog and I were making fun of none of your business stuff as we Face-chatted and I AM ridiculous:

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to do anything for a Klondike bar.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.

Dinosaurs went extict because of Chucknorrisaurus.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King… and he got one.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in his soul.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that is why there is no life there.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

Chuck Norris knows a word that rhymes with purple.

Chuck Norris makes blood bleed.

Chuck Norris can kill you with a bubble.

…and my personal favorite:

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck were Chuck Norris.

For those who want more Chuck - I found a website chocked-full of little-known Chuck Norris Facts… By the way, would you like to join in on Make Me Laugh Monday? Please do! Either leave a comment so I (and other commenters!) can come by to read your MMLM post or enter your name and URL in Mr. Linky and get your name on the list. C’mon, all the cool kids are doing it! O.K., that’s an exaggeration. But if you do it, the someone else might, the someone else, then WE will BE the cool kids! 

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One gets a spot in the bean bag chair while one rubs her distended belly and moans: “OH. MAH. BELLEE!!! OH. MAH. ACHIN’ BELLEE!!! That was AWSOME!” Yup. True that.

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