sex, tech, and mergers

the time my finger was removed, on a walk

2026-11-11T21:08:48.267+08:00

2009 walking home from gym around midnight. Jaya33 to Trinity Church PJ. Petrol station by old EPF building had four guys on two bikes. Ignored them. They came by and asked to have my stuff after I already passed them. I was carrying official business, so I declined and continued walking. Perp 1 grabs my backpack from behind, I turned around and pushed him away, as I did not wish to hurt him though I could have just reached into the eyes. Perp 2 swings at me with what appears to be a large object and I block with my right hand, there is impact. I do not attack him. He hits me again on the head, and I negotiate with him. At this point I have raised my right hand in front of me, and notice part of the pinky is missing. Perp 3 still on the bike advises perp 2 that as I am hurt he has had enough. All perps leave. I figure i am in profit as my stuff was still on me and it is a good story. I can't find the missing part, and proceed to walk to UM hospital. The EPF guards stop me and say I should let them call an ambulance. I make the mistake of complying and giving them my wallet which they ask for, later there is money missing. The cops come and hand me my finger in an envelope, which i carry with me on the ambulance on the ridiculously short ride. Before registration at the ER I get a picture of my damaged hand. It becomes a bit of a thrill on Facebook ( pre IG ). The finger sits in a plastic bag with ice on the counter in the ER. Surgery begins around 8am. At some point I listen to doctors discussing what car to buy next. The most painful thing about the entire experience is urethral catheters. They are used during surgery. This is my second time, and I piss razors for a week, again. The correct apparatus for me to request next time is a condom catheter, if I am lucky. The surgery took about five hours and i am in hospital for about six weeks over two months, including an MRSA concern. Then I return to work, though I was doing a bit in hospital anyway. It is my first job related directly to software development, so I am enthusiastic to get on with it, as KL at that time is not otherwise a rich place for learning. I spend the rest of 2009 and 2010 competing my contract for services with this startup. When I left at the end of 2010, my consultation fee quote to the founder was disapproved and they called me an asshole. While they are sometimes up for coffee, I have not been clearly paid the company shares I was due from my contract. I retain documentation about this, but I have so-far declined to pursue legal action. That is the bulk of the story. I hope it amuses you. I still think KL is quite boring, but it an OK place to live in and do boring things.

revision sic : blue light, vitamin D

2026-11-11T05:51:03.078+08:00

So my kimchi batch since the top of October has had a too-high ratio of Ca to Mg. Compounded issue with my bumpy calcitriol supplementation. This correlated down to muscle tightness during fatigued longer runs. I think I have fixed the calibration.

Meanwhile a friend mentioned winter sickness, so I did some revision on D and the blue light pathway.

Nerdy details:

- bulb products: 3000K has the least blue light, 6500K has the most

- you want more blue to wake up, and less blue to get sleepy

- blue triggers signaling that has nothing to do with vision: one signal even has to route out of then back into the brain to the pineal, which evolved from an ancestral first eye that is now buried :p ...

- vitamin D is a critical co-factor in downstream effects

Also, it turns out that the body reacts to hypomagnesemia by throttling vitamin D activation, and thus calcium uptake and retention

becoming big

2026-11-10T15:28:15.288+08:00

Also most people have no sense of scale.

10^(3, 6, 9, 12) USD is the right scale.

The folks in the 4s going to 7s are just distracted

time

2026-11-10T07:11:09.972+08:00

I thought of an old friend from childhood, who used to tell me of their run club outings in the 2010s. They were the sort of person who doesn't verbally signal very well, when they want to be possessed, or when they want to be left alone. After a lot of silly guesswork, I took it as a lesson not to bother myself so much with less-verbal people. One cannot always attend to everyone's disabilities. Sweat lost in rain. Deep thrusts and almost coming together. I love my friend regardless. Time.

how to understand qualia

2026-11-10T06:40:35.648+08:00

Qualia

The concept of qualia is not a scientific concept in a constructed sense. It's just the semantic pointer to any entity's self-reported data type atomics ... which are completely dependent on the entity's ability to verbalise their own smallest analysable experience.

For example say the smell of strawberries. John says I can't analyse it farther than that it is what it is, and that's all I know. Peter says it's exactly a combination of two other smells, tomatoes and lemons in a 3:2 ratio. Dirk says it's a one dimensional signal that might as well be a sound in my nose.

These are all qualia, to the maximum practical definition of the term.

thought on the run

2026-11-10T05:35:44.000+08:00

Knocked back another 21 clicks. It takes 2.5 hours with an injured MCL. Thirteen one-mile loops on the streets I ran on 34 years ago. That's a bit of time to think, about time, and about thinking.

I finish around 4 a.m. and stiffwalk my ass home, put a few days clothes in the washer, clean my shoes and watches, take a shower, move shoes to the dehydrator, work on some in-flight glue issues, then make a meal from canned mackerel, craft kimchi, and cold rice. I add more nigari to the kimchi tub, but upon reflection, a gram is not quite enough, so I add more.

The cheapest form of magnesium is a wet salt, which I need to counter hypercalcemia from yesterday's final calcitriol administration. The potent bioactive form of vitamin D was salvaged from the home of a cancer patient. Now I have run out and will start on ordinary D3. I need to adjust my kimchi recipe. After food I make a soda from sugar, citric acid, baking soda, and water with ice. Then I make a hot coffee. I hang the laundry. Now, what I was thinking about on the run :

As discussed recently with folks on Threads, and in review of that elsewhere, Malaysia continues to bore me. But that is an ordinary stance I have adopted for most of my life. There are many retarded issues here, too many to count, and I do not consider myself smart enough to move the needle painlessly. So I contribute what little I can to public speech. And then I focus on what I do best, which is minding my own development.

Thermo interoception

2026-11-09T12:19:29.744+08:00

Thermoregulatory observations today :

1. Body temp increase, signals a transition from carb and fat, to protein burning.

2. End-of-waking phase autonomous transition signalled by reduced metabolism of : skeletal muscle, brown fat, liver.

Very interesting day.

hot fuzz

2026-11-09T11:24:48.579+08:00

If anyone has a possible crutch, smack it. If they rely on an idea for safety, smack it. If they look for virtue in proper spelling, mispell around them. If they look for comfort, keep it high and away. If they believe in themselves, make fun of them. If they believe in someone else, make fun of someone else. Emit permanent fuzz-tests. This is the way of quality.

gender stats : risk domains

2026-11-07T04:28:05.000+08:00

Women tend to be : individually liberal, and socially conservative

Men tend to be : individually conservative, and socially liberal

- observations from other people's observations this week

This was mostly from two observations someone made

- men are missing from group exercise classes

- men wear the same clothes in repeat

governance structure of empathy

2026-11-06T18:10:15.702+08:00

The first thing to learn in life, is how to govern. One is given primordial legacy VALUES, such as aversion to hunger, from which GOALS evolve, thus leading to STRATEGY development, which follows as a buffering intermediary from TACTICAL experience.

The second thing to learn in life, is how to MODIFY your VALUES. This is a meta game which applies the first learning, to then govern the premises of the first learning.

If you are successful at the first, and second, then life is complete. You can then focus on existing without purpose.

You may further then, engage with incomplete folks by applying the second learning, to EMULATE the values of others, at your leisure. This is the third thing to learn in life, which some call empathy.

walking days are for biomechanical study

2026-11-06T04:20:36.000+08:00

Just the most cerebral hour-walk ever. Figured out the role of walking days, besides rucking days and running days. FINALLY got around to detailed biomechanical study of walking. Been putting off memorising anatomical details since 2005. Gray's has been on my shelf underutilised for the longest time. Case study of current left stance situation : not sure if ankle is weak, or if it stems from MCL injury. Also learnt how toe angle is influenced by femur angle. Cute.

2026-11-11 : After study of staff position/ dandasana, I went for a walk and proceeded with gait analysis again. I discovered that my left foot strike's long-term overpronation, is partly due to an underextension of the MTP1 joint, resulting in a loose arch and ineffective Windlass mechanism. I shall have to keep up practice.

2026 & physical conditioning

2026-11-05T18:46:44.376+08:00

First year in 43 studying physiology as a top priority for the year. Fun, but ending soon. I don't think I have ever spent this many full days just sitting and observing my data fields.

critical thinking and the academy

2026-11-04T16:11:10.003+08:00

This huge confusion is due to :

- critical thinking is just a modern word for epistemology / CT/E

- there is an entire university discipline devoted to CT/E, the department of philosophy

- the language users miss each other and are divided due to this unwillingness or constructed vulnerability

- philosophers together strong :p

Hyrox kerfuffle

2026-11-03T21:54:31.984+08:00

People who are annoyed at Hyrox for vice sponsorship, "because that's not healthy", have completely MISUNDERSTOOD THE PRODUCT NICHE.

If you want to be healthy, you count your macros, plan your sleep, do calisthenics, and work on hard problems.

If you want to HAVE FUN IN GROUPS, you dress up, cheer lead/follow, do funny things, and pay money to an event organiser.

It's like roadbiking - no one needs a speedsuit. Or a carbon bike. These are SOCIAL PERFORMANCES.

🤣🤣

how to be friendly but inoffensive

2026-11-02T05:11:34.283+08:00

At today's social club, we talked about modelling as a euphemism for escorting. Kuala Lumpur is not exactly a couture hub, but you will meet many models and former models from all over the world, more or less from certain countries. A subtraction of labour metrics gives you some idea about the depth and breadth of each industry. I have a deep respect for sex workers, and would probably be one myself if I was prettier. Being the ugly motherfucker that I am, I can only speak well about them. While I enjoy philandering, I have not generally been wealthy, so I do not pay in cash or goods for companionship, except in sharing ordinary household hospitality. So when I bump into pretty girls on apps or in real life, I am typically shy because I do not wish to offend them by telling them about these facts in the wrong way. Modern life is probably not more complicated than life ever was.

how to run long

2026-11-02T03:45:44.046+08:00

For glute activation on distance running, remember to maintain a tall stance rather than a forward hunch. A lean backwards is overdoing it.

SWING : From that position, legs drop down ASAP with minimal forward kick

STANCE : absorb impact with lateral border of foot, rolling from smaller to middle toes, finally arriving at largest toes, then maximising backward kick through the arch

Firdaus pokes the duka

2026-11-01T18:45:56.714+08:00

https://www.therakyatpost.com/news/malaysia/2026/11/01/chinese-families-accept-christian-converts-but-accuse-muslim-converts-of-betrayal/?sfnsn=mo

This is what I call, "kedukaan sebangsa Malaysia". The constitution as a CREDO or KITAB ... REQUIRES certain political distinctions that are "hard coded", and therefore permanently divisive.

The phenomena that Wong refers to, is parallel to the phenomena of non-Malays deeming Malay language "not of value" because merely learning it does not grant first-class citizenship to the learner. It's REQUIRED due to the way the constitution is written. This is a structural fact of law.

Whether this is a FEATURE or a BUG is left to parliamentarians and political philosophers.

Maafkan saya, rakyat Malaysia

2026-11-01T18:25:22.502+08:00

Kadang saya nak terangkan kedudukan saya dalam masyarakat. Kegiatan politik saya di Malaysia belum sampai keahlian dalam mana-mana institusi*, tak terkiranya politik, bahasa, kaum, atau agama. Jadi kecerunan politik saya di tanah air tertumpu hanya pada kemajuan semoga :

1. rakyat mengurangkan kesopanan, sekiranya kesopanan mengaburkan pengakalan

2. rakyat tidak meninggikan pandangan mana-mana pihak hanya dengan alasan pihak itu uzur, berpangkat, atau tersohor

3. rakyat tidak selagi berhatisu terhadap pelbagai rangsangan, yang pernah mewujudkan perlindungan undang hatisu48 dan benda yang sewaktu dengannya

4. rakyat lebih berani biadab

Walau bagaimanapun, inilah jati diri politik saya di alam keMalaysiaan, tempat duduk saya, dan bukan jati diri politik saya sekadar sedunia**, secara am. Secara umum saya tidak terlalu sibuk dengan politik, atas perasaan jati politik saya sekadar besar-besaran hanya dapat digagaskan sekirannya saya lebih cekal, atau kaya, dulu.

Kadang saya sibuk dalam hal puak-puak yang asyik pakai istilah falsafah. Sebenarnya, itu pun bukan sebab saya berminat dengan hal yang dinamakan falsafah - tapi, sebab saya boleh terima bahasa puak tersebut sebagai alat yang boleh membawa kesan ke atas pengakalan orang lain ... dalam kepelbagaian jihad politik saya.

( * Alamak baru tahu, istilah perbadanan telah diundangkan sebagai corporation, yang tidak merangkumi parti, jadi tak boleh dipakai terus. )

( ** Daya kemelut sedunia lain lagi daripada kekecilan Malaysia. )

what I found in commerce

2026-10-31T07:33:55.824+08:00

The most interesting thing about studying commerce for me was, that there are folks who

- call themselves accountants, but can't do accounts

- call themselves managers, but can't manage

- call themselves entrepreneurs, but do nothing new, and have no responsibilities

- call themselves engineers, but don't measure anything

- call themselves people experts, but suck at manipulating talent

- etc.

Yet few people take seriously those who call themselves generalists, who are exactly what they claim to be.

study arcs in commerce

2026-10-30T16:47:17.369+08:00

In 2005, when I graduated, my primary goal was to start learning commerce and corporations. I started out in Malaysia, and soon realised there were no truly great companies to work for. (There may still be no truly great companies to work for in Malaysia, but I digress.) So I made a point to study the bad parts of companies, and as a result worked for all sorts of really odd shops.

My secondary goal was to catch up on learning how to talk to machines. My previous work in this area peaked around 1998, before I diversified to other stuff. I didn't think talking to machines was so much an intrinsic good, as it would be (1) a way for me to build test breakers as a hobby, based on a quantification model for conscious phenomena that I had developed in college, and (2) a way for me to understand corporate technology fundamentals, in order to be an informed governer over technology staff in the future.

I've been thinking about these choices in my career, while on sabbatical, while I listen to people struggle with job hunts, promotional aspirations, technology in the AI era, and educational governance among children.

identified with feelings

2026-10-30T05:43:44.219+08:00

At some point, it was maybe the fourth girl I dated post 2006, I was about 27, and encountered the first partner I had who had strong feelings about things, and wanted their partner to have strong feelings about those things.

( Yeah, I didn't date much : I imagine people run into this stuff at a much younger age, like 14 ... also mainly why, I didn't make it a priority to date much, as a younger person. Too much slop on the market. )

Anyway, SINCE then, I guess I have run into several more cases of people who identify strongly with their feelings, instead of identifying with their metacognition (trending word these days, hat-tip to Gu) of the structures motivating those feelings.

Nowadays I make a bigger effort to filter out these people. I think it saves us both time. Haha.

metrics of extroversion

2026-10-29T20:23:00.033+08:00

A Facebook friend had a birthday, I wished them well. After a brief exchange of trivialties, I removed the connection. They have been welcome but I do not find us talking about anything useful to each other, so the memory is pruned. I have been doing this a lot, now that I have more time on sabbatical.

We met at giggly coffee meetups, when I was attached to one of their friends. Since then, kids have grown up and entered the workforce. A long time for the evaluation of common interests. So we move on.

I used to think of intimate distance as a metric of extroversion. Extroversion-introversion is potentially characterised along a few separate axes :

- orientation of data sources

- orientation of force projection

- range of intimacy

The last one, I mean, is about how differently one regards strangers versus close friends. For some of us, the people we share a bed with are like the people who live nearby and play football in the nearby field - for others they reserve much more dependency for intimates.

Maths is ASM for physics

2026-10-29T03:22:14.481+08:00

... ... my new goto aphorism in response to "maths is a solved problem"

reflections on bad advice

2026-10-27T19:09:39.000+08:00

While practicing the lockstitch. Thinking about all the horrible advice I got over the years when I first began studying commerce. I would put it down to a poor network, combined with the stance I took during this period.

When I graduated, most of my network in Malaysia was based on Christians, among whom my parents had worked. I had also just exited college where I had focused my time on overturning poor advice from professors, and telling them what I thought they should do instead. So I wanted to spend some time submitting myself to counsel in a completely "new" environment, and for several years I basically avoided being critical in operations, even though most of the operations seemed quite dumb.

I worked on a lot of really dumb shit, for some rather airheaded, and sometimes mean, people. It was only after I reduced my degree of submission to advice, that I started having a better appreciation for commerce.

latihan penjatian bangsa

2026-10-27T05:05:17.000+08:00

Saya rasa Malaysia akan menjadi kemelut satu hari nanti. Selalunya warga yang berpelbagaian bahasannya dikatakan tidak bersekutu dengan warge berbahasa kebangsaan. Tapi kadang sesuku masyarakat akan mengasingkan gagasannya yang dirasai jijik atau meloya kepada suku lain, melalui saluran bahasa tersendiri, supaya lebih bersopan dalam masyarakat awam. Akibatnya mungkin fungsi utama saya melatih penggunaan bahasa kebangsaan adalah supaya dapat menjadi lebih menjijik kepada pengguna bahasa kebangsaan. Pertanyaan yang seterusnya adalah, adakah ini lebih membina atau menghina masyarakat? Secara umum, saya tidak berapa menghargai ciri-ciri yang dikenali sebagai kemanusiaan, sebab bagi saya manusia bukan sesuatu yang khas pada bumi. Tapi sekiranya saya kena turun berbahas di tempat awam, takkan saya bertutur hanya mengenai ciri kemanusiaan yang disukai orang ramai. Apa penggunaan itu? Mestilah saya membawa titah budaya yang saya menghargai, dengan melambangkan pendapat saya, supaya mewakilkan jati saya sendiri, walaupun bagaimana menyusahkan hati orang lain. Kan? Kalau seseorang itu bukan Melayu, atau bukan Islam, atau bersifat LGBT, atau penjenayah, atau secara berpelbagaian cara berbeza dari perbadanan yang terdiri daripada kebanyakkan orang, hakikat penggunaan bahasa awam, adalah pembawaan kejatian yang lain daripada majoriti kepada otak dan hati majoriti, walaupun tidak selesa kepada sesiapapun. 🙃