A Look at Life Through a Jerry Shaped Lens

Mutatio and Those Familiar Farewell Feelings

2012-08-27T01:29:00.002-04:00

Right now it is 12:07... so only a smidgen past Sunday. Perhaps I'll pretend I'm operating on Chicago time. Anyways as I mentioned last week, I want to be writing these blogs each week, inspired or not, I'll clunk out fun little tidbits of my life onto this electronic cellulose. Well... here goes.

The past few days, but especially today, I've been feeling the familiar farewell blues once again. Leaving for a few months seems like so long now for some reason. I was having a lot of trouble putting my thumb down on the source or the root of this new perspective on my semesters away and I've, through my pondering and self-reflection, narrowed it down to the simple idea of "change". Now I could say it's growing up, or transitions, or seeing friends mature and/or drift away. But in general it's change. There aren't way too many major changes with this one move back up to Grand Rapids. However there are a multitude of changes in the next few years that I sense in my life, and only a few are directly related to me.

I think for so long I had been in one place, Florida, that I had forgotten that things come and go, people go through changes... in personality, interest, location, job, relationship status, and what have you. I had known so many things to be so... stable, back home. I realized that Florida, even though it is no longer where I reside for most of the year, and I normally live over a thousand miles away from, is still my home. It's the place I want to go back to bed and curl up in, the place I want to sit around and laze idly in, it's the place that I long for when things don't make sense... it's also the place that I haven't ever expected to change. I realized or am realizing that after this summer, there is a major shifting point. I am no longer an underclassman, I will need to start looking forward at my future, wherever or whatever that may be, and the things around me are going to begin to change really fast.

I am now fast on the track to adulthood and independence. Along with the bills, the insurance, and all the convoluted mess of financial independence that is awaiting me comes the change in my social network. All of my friends from high school will be well on their way in college, my home church may not be the same and may no longer even be what I identify as my home church, I may be in a completely new surrounding with little or no old friends to reminisce with, things will have changed so much. I am growing up. I now find the hardest part of growing up is not the taking on of new responsibilities... but the letting go of old ones.

We often think of adolescents, teens, etc not having many responsibilities... yet when you really dwell on it, they have many. It is such a narrow view and scope to limit responsibilities to duties, chores, and tasks. Adolescents and teens have some of the hardest responsibilities of all; all of those which fall under social identification and exploration. Teenagers, tweenagers, and whoever else is in that mix all tend to relate on one, almost comical, level. They all think and feel as though their parents and adults don't understand them. And there is some truth, lo and behold, to that shared plight. Where does a lot of this conflict arise from? Different priorities and different responsibilities. Adolescence is the stage of life where we begin to define ourselves, we begin to test and set our boundaries, and we begin to explore who we are as a person. This means also that when it comes to sociability, we are at the height of our curiosity and engagement. It is during this time most people set the tone for their social persona for the rest of their lives, not because they are limited to whatever worked but because they've crossed off most everything that didn't work. They find out what doesn't work by taking on social responsibilities, to friends, to classmates, to teachers, to parents, to many others, and sometimes in a weird way to themselves. These responsibilities become the drive in so many daily decisions, they become the fuel for moving forward.

I'm realizing that those responsibilities, those always there, are going to have to be put a little bit further back on the burner (aka the back burner) or at the very least there will be a shift in the majority or perhaps plurality.

I'm scared of not seeing, hearing from, talking to, hanging with, and laughing with(and sometimes at) people whom I have designated as part of my "home". I know it sounds kind of funny put that way, but there are just some people who I feel like I will always consider part of "home" to me. To realize that my "home" is splitting apart or at least on the verge of doing so, is a frightening thought. And trust me... I'm not scared of much(hey, doesn't mean I can't be startled, that happens often enough). It's interesting looking back at all the memories, especially when a single vivid memory that may be of just one strange, awkward, funny, or serious moment shared with a friend or companion of any kind can be recalled so easily... and yet what I did a week ago is almost completely gone from my mind already.

I feel unprepared for change. However I take comfort in a simple little phrase of wisdom: How can someone be prepared for a surprise and the surprise still be a surprise?

I am finding my peace with it... and searching for the answer to the question that further plagues me. Perhaps that will be a topic in the future, but let the future be the future. For now, sayonara. It's been a long one... thanks for bearing with me.

The A and B sides of Summer life

2012-08-19T22:37:00.001-04:00

My friend recently mentioned my blog to me and I suddenly realized that I had stopped blogging again. It seems summer and a change of pace caused it to be completely wiped from my mind. I also realized, now after looking at my recent posts, that I sort of left things suddenly. No concluding thoughts for the year, no musings about my future, no rambles pertaining to anything going on in my life. Thus, I have found it suitable to have sort of a hodgepodge of a post this time around.

Note to anyone reading: I'm hoping I can start doing this as a weekly thing perhaps part of a Sabbath routine. It seems just perfect, seeing as the Sabbath is meant to be a day of rest, reflection on the past week, and re-invigoration for the next.

The end of last semester.
Twas bitter-sweet, the parting from friends, the familiar rooms and halls of NVW, and other things that are oh so important to me. It felt good to be done with a surprisingly tough semester. I found peace in knowing that, even though a lot of responsibilities and burdens faced me in the coming summer, I would have a change of pace and a loving and supportive girlfriend, albeit one that was over 1200 miles away.

Early summer.
I went, with my head high and confident, into this summer, despite a few challenges I knew I would soon be facing. 1) Finding and buying a car. 2) Taking an online college course for the first time, and on top of that in astronomy, an area of science I hadn't even thought about since middle school. 3) Finding housing for the next semester. 4) Keeping up my end of a long distance relationship.
You know what I found out? I was not ready for any of these. It was only through God's grace and providence that I've arrived at this point in such good shape.

Mid summer.
You see. The first part of summer went smoothly, I was keeping up with deals on cars and prices and ranges for several models and years, I was staying on pace in my online course and doing well, and although I cannot say I looked at housing, I at least was pulling my weight in the relationship, sending letters, calling, skypeing, the whole she-bang and it was going well. The second part of summer was completely different.
I soon found myself falling into old messy living habits, acting more immature, and not really taking care of myself, both physically and spiritually. Finding a car became taxing, and the strain was wearing down on my relationship with my father who was unfortunately dragged along to many disappointing car deals. I had started to fall behind on my online Astronomy course and was becoming so engrossed with newly purchased games that I left little time for homework and didn't care all that much either. On top of being behind in Astronomy, because of that fact, I began to miss days of work for catch up which put the tasks I was given behind on schedule as well. I began to think about housing but being so caught up in everything else, I decided that I'd be fine if I just put it off just a little longer. I think my relationship began to fall apart here as well. I stopped sending letters because she had moved to a different house, having been living somewhere else temporarily for the first part of summer; I procrastinated on finding out her new address. Calling became just a habit, the talks became droll and merely consisted of questions about each others' days. An emotional distance began to form and grow, soon even rivaling the physical distance. Soon we realized a fatal overlooking of a crucial factor in relationships. We were no longer in it for the long run, where we were both going was not the same path or direction. We broke up.

The past five and a half weeks.
The past five and a half weeks have been... interesting... at the very least. Perhaps enlightening. Or surprising. Maybe a bit profound. Definitely important. I found a great deal on a car. 2007 Ford Focus with 100,234 miles on it, for a grand total of $4,500(plus a pretty buck or two here and there for some minor fixes and replacements). (This actually happened closer to 6 weeks back) It was right after my father and I had come to an apex of disagreements and miscommunication and were finally forced to face the monster of discontent and tension that had risen up between us. We had learned our lesson and God yet again proved his providence in a surprising, and rather quick transaction. I finished my Astronomy course with a B despite being horribly behind and having to cram 2 weeks worth into the last week along with the final. My professor decided to also show me mercy by not deducting the points that I deserved being deducted for all the late assignments that I turned in. I found some housing and was rushing into a deal with complete strangers, not knowing anything of the house's condition and no one living in it. Until suddenly a good friend of mine called me up one day while I was at work and asked me if I was still looking for housing. How did he know? I had previously let a mutual friend know that I was looking for housing... a couple weeks before the call. I was more than happy to accept his offer, obviously. Not only was it a better deal but I will be living with a friend and two other housemates are acquaintances. Here too I saw God's hand moving and making arrangements. And now for the juicy tidbits on my love life, or lack-there-of to be more exact.
It was tough. Even though it was completely mutual and we both knew it was for the best. It seemed the mutuality and the lack of animosity made it even harder. Knowing that it was the right thing, even though it felt so wrong.... was the hardest thing to accept and reconcile. That was the first week or so. After that I struggled with the fact that I had thought about, worried about, and nearly talked to her consistently every day for more than half a year and all of a sudden that needed to change and in fact had abruptly begun to change. We decided on not talking until we've had reasonable space to move on, for the sake of a future friendship. Recently, thoughts and feelings have begun resurfacing, perhaps this is normal, perhaps I just think too much.

Reflections and b-sides
The wisdom of Francis Chan and his wife Lisa Chan has brought me to the realization that I have not yet come to the point in my relationship with Christ to be ready for marriage, and for me that means I'm going to have to kiss dating goodbye. I realized that if I cannot be fixed upon an eternal relationship and can't put forth the effort and give my all to a perfect and ever-present lover of my soul... how could I dream of beginning to taking up my role in a Christ centered romantic relationship as a man, who is called and mandated to lead and love to the fullest of his extent? How could I ever do that if I can barely follow my holy role model and example?
I realized that all that I had achieved in the past year, becoming more responsible, becoming at least slightly more organized, becoming a bit more diligent. These were not things that came out from within me but were placed in me by my creator and redeemer. It is in His plan how and when he wishes to use these, and by pulling them out of my grasp yet again He has yet again reminded me not only of my powerlessness on my own but also my strength by His side.
I realized I don't like help through the tough times. I don't reach out until it's too much and even then "I never look inward and try not to look upward". I am still relying on my own strength too much and am often times crushed under the weight my overconfidence allows me to pick up.
I realized that I am tired, but that I can awaken anew with the right mindset and goals.

That's all. Hopefully you're still the same age at the end of reading this obscenely long post. Thanks for reading my musings, ramblings, and thoughts. I'll finish off talking about summer next week seeing as it will the my last day of summer in Oviedo and I'll begin looking forward at this impending semester and year.

What exactly have I LENT away?

2012-02-24T16:44:00.000-05:00

Lent... is an interesting time of year. Too many people treat it as a mini New Years Resolution... we forget that during this time we are supposed to exercise our willingness to be constantly preparing ourselves for the second coming of Christ our savior.

A big issue is that Lent then becomes too much of a temporary fix for our little addictions and vices. People think that during this time cold turkey is the only way to go. But in actuality it is better for us to actively be willing and wanting for the change not just the surrender.
What do I mean by that?
I mean, we need to not only give up something but want to give it up and be receptive to the change. We need to fight the urge to hate and despise not being able to do what we've given up.

I personally have been struggling with this and yet I've decided that only on Mondays will I be fully exercising my surrendered distraction. I am dreading the coming of Monday... Monday is on my mind every day...
But why only Monday?
Well, as the saying goes: "Everything in moderation!"
I am giving up something that is in essence a good thing... a very good thing. But I have found, lately, that it has been increasingly harder to resist it and hold back. So I realized that even though it is a good thing, I need to work on finding the moderation, the balancing point and center of gravity in this situation. So by giving it up on Mondays I am hoping to learn how to extend this moderation into my daily living eventually so that after Lent I will have a new found ability and self-control in this area to make every day a little better and more reflective of God's will and presence in me.

Expectations

2012-02-13T18:03:00.000-05:00

Expectations… They often times are misleading… no, actually... they are always misleading. We cannot presume the mind of God, nor can we calculate and/or predict the future accurately. What has inspired this spiel of mine is the email notification I received earlier today from Calvin’s Housing Department.

During interim, something had suddenly, in less than a week, rekindled the desire and passion within me to consider applying for an RA position. During freshman year, I had entertained the idea of being an RA junior year. This thought left me as I slipped into the minutia and passively repetitive life style of the regular college student. This year I began exploring the endeavor of living more intentionally, being less fake and dropping my guard and facade a bit. To perhaps pursue relationships with more people, and build deeper and better relationships with them than I would have in the past. This began to stir up grand ideas of working hard on relationships and investing myself in others in the context of a Brotherhood of a dormitory floor and in a lesser extent the dormitory as a whole.

Perhaps these ideas were a bit too fantastic to turn out… and so they fell through.

The email notification that I received is the following generic copy/paste response:

“Dear _________,

After a thorough review of your application, peer reference, faculty/staff reference, cumulative GPA, and RA reference, we are unable to pursue your candidacy further. We appreciate the thought and time you invested in the application process thus far. We had over 150 applications this year, so are not able to offer interviews to all applicants. If you have questions, please contact your Resident Director.

We realize the disappointment that this email may bring. However, we encourage you to use your gifts, motivation, and abilities in other areas of service at Calvin—this campus needs your involvement to remain a vibrant community. If you are living in the halls next year, the CLC application process has begun! Please check out http://www.calvin.edu/housing/staff-and-student-leaders/

I wish you the best this semester,

“__________”

Associate Dean of Residence Life”

Disappointment is an understatement. Bitterness, confusion, frustration and even a little bit of anger are things that this email brought. Here are my thoughts…

1. The overt, blind, industrialized encouragement of those in leadership positions. I spoke to my RD and many current RAs that I know, including some that I knew personally before their RA-dom. This coupled with the rejection email have caused bitterness to well up within me. It says to me that even though I am apparently not one of the top 30th percentile of the expected applicant populace, those in leadership positions figured it’d be best to encourage me as much as they could, but also perhaps figured it wouldn't be good to realistically call me out on areas that they perceived as perhaps unsuitable qualities for the RA position; for instance, I am not very organized but despite knowing this about me, those in leadership positions encouraged me without being “real” with me. It’s reminiscent of the mindless non-critical encouragement that America, in last few decades, has fed immensely: the “You can do anything you put your mind to, heart in, etc!” type of encouragement.

2. The encouragement and faith of my close friends gave me hope to fight my naturally negative and pessimistic outlook and perspective. I had truly begun to believe that I would easily make the first cut. I began to expect a fighting chance at the position; a chance to prove myself capable, willing, and ready to take on the responsibility and work past my flaws and personal lacking. I don’t blame my friends. I am thankful for their faith in me and also their surprisingly high level understanding of who I am that I had not expected. What invokes bitterness and frustration (maybe even anger) here is the fact that Housing had decided they “are unable to further pursue [my] candidacy further”. Perhaps it’s just the wording that hurts me the most. Finding themselves “unable to further pursue [my] candidacy” for RA is inherently a false statement. Since when did they pursue my candidacy? My friends did that more than they have. My friends read over my application answers and helped me figure out how to best represent myself truthfully and clearly. What did the housing department do other than put on two RA info sessions? Put the “ad” in student news? The furthest extent of their pursuing my candidacy was the encouragement of my RD… and you already know how I feel about that.

3. The last but probably most important factor was my expectations. I had let myself begin to assume the mind and will of God.

This isn’t me saying we can’t presume we can understand the general will and character of God… But it is clear in the Bible that we cannot ourselves predict God’s specific and detailed will, we can only receive that. I did not keep this in mind and began to build up myself, my plans, and my expectations upon the presumption that God was calling me to be an RA. I’m not entirely sure why God has prevented me from further pursuing the RA position but I know that it is for a reason. The disappointing fact is that I can’t know just yet what that reason is; I can only wait to find it out ex post facto. I haven’t quite yet accepted this situation yet, I am not at peace about it yet; but I can say that my mind is at least taking steps forward (and past this all) that my emotions cannot yet take.

I’ll write a follow up blog about this upon the advent of any new revelations, happenings, or developments.

- JerBear

p.s. The following are the three questions on the RA application and my submitted responses; feel free to read them if you wish:

What personal traits do you possess which will be helpful to the RA Position?I am a rather sociable person and consider myself to be gregarious when need be. Organization is not one of my stronger suits, but I take leadership roles and responsibilities very seriously. I try my best at my endeavors once I commit myself to them. I love to have fun but I also know how necessary rules and policies are, and even though I may not always agree with every detail I recognize their authority. I am against breaking and disrespecting them. Another personal trait I see in myself is a desire to involve myself in the lives of my friends and to help or assist them in any way I can. However, I do know it is necessary to respect boundaries and to actively seek the appropriate levels of involvement in different relationships.

Explain how your Christian faith would be demonstrated in your position if you were an RA:I know that the faith leadership role is that of the Barnabas of the floor but I personally believe the RA of a floor should demonstrate brotherly/sisterly love as a fellow Christian by being involved in the spiritual lives of the other students that live on his/her floor. I would want to be as involved with the floor's Barnabas as much as possible and would try my best to be a spiritual role model and companion to my floor brothers. It seems like a lofty goal, but in my mind it is a goal both necessary and well worth having. A floor should pursue both fellowship and brotherhood (or sisterhood); these should shape the nature and character of the floor, particularly on a spiritual level.

Explain what you believe is an ideal residence hall environment and how an RA helps to bring this about:I believe the ideal residence hall environment is one in which the residents feel comfortable with each other and feel included and involved with the floor. It is important for a floor to feel a unity akin to brotherhood or sisterhood, so that they can build positive relationships with and among themselves in order to lift each other up both emotionally and spiritually. It is crucial for a floor to have this kind of supportive atmosphere and structure because as young adults, we need not only older and more mature mentors but also peers to lean on for support as we learn how to function as independent adults. The RA of the floor has the responsibility of furthering this type of environment by not only being an active role model, leader, and initiator of such an environment but also by being an active member and participator. A RA can do so by being involved with the other floor and dorm CLC members, events that are planned, and also merely being involved in residents' lives. In order for RA's to do this they must also make themselves very available to their residents in many different areas: emotionally, physically (presence and time), and spiritually.

There is much value in Liturgy... but...

2012-02-02T21:44:00.002-05:00

Lately I've caught my mind wandering to the existence and practice of liturgies and traditions in the Church. Partly I think because I've been realizing how little I really know about the liturgical calendar and when all the Christian traditional celebrations are. Growing up I had never been part of a church that put a heavy emphasis on following the liturgical calendar strictly... all I really knew of was Christmas, Palm Sunday, Good Friday, and Easter (and Thanksgiving of course).

There is something interesting I've found... Even though the liturgies are set to dates on the Calendar, the liturgical seasons do not quite line up with the Seasons of nature. Honestly, think about advent and Christmas, the coming of new life and a new year; yes it lines up loosely with what is established as the new year date... but if you really just pause to think about it, it is far from lined up with the rebirth of life in nature with the coming of spring.

This thought process got me wondering about what God is telling me in this time of winter being gone but spring being yet to come, this sort of lull, and as well as what winter should mean to us on a deeper level. I mean, what does the season of winter do anyway? It's cold, it kills plant life, it kills many animals; it is all together rather harsh and unlikable. A dear friend of mine complains about the winter weather all the time. And on a certain level I agree with her. However, being thick-skinned and able to endure the cold, I think by sheer exposure and curiosity I have developed a deep fondness for the season. I used to chalk it up to my somewhat masochistic tendencies, or my missing the snow since I had spent the last 10 winters before the last in Florida where snow can only be seen on the coldest night of winter and from the upper levels of city skyscrapers. But looking back, even then I enjoyed every bit of winter I could get. Walking outside in the 30-40 degree weather in Florida's coldest winter nights, or even laying out under my tree star gazing in the same weather.

So then what is it about winter that I love so much? What drives me to go outside for a 20 minute walk in the cold night air when I can't seem to think straight, understand my feelings, or even gather my thoughts? I think, today, I've begun to realize what it is.

Winter reminds me of my utter dependency on, need, and desire for God.

It came upon me while walking around campus this afternoon. I was looking up at the trees and the beautiful silhouetting that they were transformed into by the sun peering barely out and over the edge of a cluster of thick but somewhat translucent clouds. Right then and there I realized I really love the way the trees look during the winter. Why? They're dead and barren, right? There's no green but only brown... and yet I love them? I came to the realization that I loved them for their symbolic meaning.

But what exactly do I mean by their symbolic meaning? I'm going go off on a slight but notably important tangent. Just now I saw a couple and their toddler getting ready to go outside into the chill of winter, so of course the parents need to put the child's outer wear on him. What I saw next was exactly what my soul was searching for to put into words the way which the dead winter trees reminded me of my dependency on God.

The trees are bare in the winter (given the exception of evergreens of course). There was one overpowering image and thought in my head as I looked up at the bare tree branches stretched out toward the beautiful blue and grey sky with the sun just out of reach. Instead of branches I saw hands, I saw thousands and millions of hands reaching up toward the heavens, reaching in hope and waiting for the coming of spring, during which new life will spring forth to clothe them anew with fresh, beautiful, green leaves.

Just like the father putting the toddler's sweater on, with the child reaching his arms up clumsily but humbly in anticipation of being clothed, so too does the sun shine down on the trees, melting away snow while the trees reach up toward the sun, their life giver, and await the clothing of leaves. This is exactly as we are to be before the the Lord in how we present ourselves. Often times we assume we are big kids and ready to clothe ourselves and perhaps we get the clothes on but perhaps we also don't realize the shirt is backwards or the buttons are out of order.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

The winter trees and chill remind me of how much I need God. So much of our lives, beyond just clothing and shelter, are in God's hands. So come before Him like a toddler, lifting hands up high like winter tree branches, and be willing to wait in humility for his grace and providence.

- JerBear

Names... and Masculinity

2012-01-12T13:02:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking about names today... those of others and my own especially. Jerry... spear ruler... or if you want to pretend it is a shortened version of Jeremiah... God will raise up and set free... JieLei... quick/agile thunder... What does it all mean to me? What does it say about me? I'm starting to see how these names I have don't rightly reflect me and who I am... JerBear my nickname that I have chosen to accept... perhaps fits the best. Now the thing about a bear is that it has many connotations... perhaps the first conjured by my nickname is a teddybear; something huggable, lovable, big, and comforting. But that's not the only side of a bear... a bear also has the ability to rip a man's head of with one swipe of a paw... bears are fierce wild creatures that not only eat berries, honey, plants, and such, but also prey on other animals for sustenance as well. I'm starting to see that in the nickname JerBear there are two things about me that I need to accept... my warm, loving, and caring side... but also my dangerous, wild, fierce, and aggressive side that I tend to shy away from... that I tend to try to hide.

I don't want my goal to be a "nice guy" any longer... I have a friend who posted a status on facebook dreading the fear that he may not be as much of a "good guy greg" as he thought he was... when I read that at first I was sad because I disagreed because I know he is a good guy... but I then realized that the goal in itself was what was wrong, not him... It's important to be good, to be nice, to be caring and loving... but to forsake the danger and wildness of the self in hopes to deny the possibility, the chance, the doubt of strength and dangerous gone bad... That is just disheartening... but so many of us men do it nowadays.

I've been reading the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge... It's a very good read so far and has guided me to some very important revelations and confirmed some old and recent self-discoveries and has really got me thinking hard about who I am and what it means to be a man. The symbol of masculinity that constantly surfaces in my mind is the famous C.S. Louis line from the Lion Witch and the Wardrobe: "Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." This line says so much about Aslan, about God. He isn't safe... He is Dangerous... He is Powerful... He is Fierce, Wild, and along with all that He is Good... I think God calls men to this kind of masculinity... not the war, blood, and violence... sometimes that is involved because of our depravity but they are not the goal, they are not what makes it masculine. It's the combination of danger and wildness with love and righteousness...

Guys out there, I encourage you to read this book if you get the chance. I haven't finished it but I can already see how it is changing the way I see things, think, see myself, etc. and in a good way. :]

- JerBear

New years are inevitable... so what's with all the hubbub?

2011-12-31T13:22:00.000-05:00

Everyday is a new day, every month is a new month, every season is a new season... so what makes a new year so special? I guess what I'm trying to say is why should we limit ourselves to self-reformation only once a year? So many people jump on the bandwagon of New Year's Resolutions every year but fall off within the first month or so. Yes, it helps that during New Years everyone is free, there is a lot of time that can be dedicated to self-reflection, but at the same time what kind of living is living without self-reflection? So what are we doing the rest of the year? Just getting by? Just surviving?

A good friend of mine loves a particular Jonathan Swift quote: "May you live every day of your life." I've found that that quote has become a memorial and a stronghold on which I can continually draw motivation from.

How can we be ok with just getting by? It's just a depressing way to live! Sometimes you can't help it in cases like depression and bouts of self-pity, sometimes its easier just to give into it than struggle against it; but in those times it's important to not give up on hope, to not give into it permanently!

Everyday is a new day. Make tomorrow better than today; a whole year is such a big burden and such a large task. Just like with other goals and ambitions, the difficulty downsizes with the downsizing of a goal. So break it down into smaller chunks, do it month by month, week by week, or even day by day. Make it manageable and it will be manageable!

So happy New Day's Eve!

- JerBear

The Curious Case of Christian Death

2011-12-27T14:15:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite movies is the film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Why? The script is superb, thin but powerful, and realistic. The film takes you and throws you into a confusing, fantastic, yet very real world of the life of Benjamin Button and his legacy. For all of you who haven't seen the film it is probably best that you don't read past this point. Hopefully this brief description has motivated you to watch it though. Then if you still feel like it you could come back to this and read what I have to say in my critique.

I've decided I'm going to write this critique in a particular form, the exploration of select quotes from the film.

Benjamin: "It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you. "

I'm starting with this quote because it's one that really hit home with me this time around watching the movie. It's Winter Break and I'm home for Christmas and the New Year. But things were different, my room was pretty much as I had left it even though someone had been living in it for the majority of the time I was gone away at school, the bathroom too, no new furniture, same food smells, same water quality, etc. My family was generally the same... but I had changed. I changed a lot this semester and perhaps that's why I noticed my changes more than those of my parents and sister. This quote makes a very interesting and very true observation on three levels: 1. Everyone's constantly changing 2. Especially those who are younger in age and still maturing 3. It tends to be delayed but it's easier to realize the changes within ones self rather than those in others. Which brings me to the next quote.

Daisy: "What's it like growing younger?"

Benjamin: "Can't really say, I'm always looking out of my own eyes."

It's very hard to look at your life from an objective outside perspective. You're stuck in your own shoes most of your life and on very rare occasions somehow find yourself in someone else's. We as limited beings can only go so far outside ourselves and this film also explores this idea with the relationship between Benjamin and Daisy.

Benjamin: "You know, you might've got a few more years out, but you chose to do something so special and unique... that's... there was only a short window of time you could do it... So even if nothing ever happened, you'd still be right here where you are now..."

Daisy: "I just don't like getting old... They put too much chlorine in here."

In this scene, Benjamin walks into the pool area where Daisy is swimming laps. He sees her catching her breath, and watching younger women swim laps with little effort, she starts to cry. Benjamin knows exactly what is going through her mind even though she doesn't want to admit it. Age is a big focus area in the lives of Daisy and Benjamin because even though they want to be together, the difference in aging process poses a big problem.

Daisy: "I'm so glad we didn't find each other when I was 26."

Benjamin: "Why would you say that?"

Daisy: "I was so young!... and you were so old! It happened when it was supposed to happen."

Benjamin: "Hey, I will enjoy each and every moment I have with you"

Daisy: "Will you still love me when my skin grows old and saggy?"

Benjamin: "Will you still love me when I have acne? When I wet the bed? When I'm afraid of what's under the stairs?"

Benjamin: "I was thinking how nothing lasts... and what a shame that is."

Daisy: "Some things last."

There are points in their interactions where Benjamin is just quiet and takes pause. He understands the importance of single moment in time. He realizes how necessary it is to sometimes just take a moment to drink life in... He recognizes the fluidity of life and how fleeting a day let alone an hour of time can be.

Benjamin: "And mortality was a common visitor to our house. People came and went. Death was so frequent, I was never afraid of it. You could hear when someone left us, there was a silence in the house."

Benjamin Button: "What if I told you that I wasn't gettin' older, I was gettin' younger than everybody else?"
Mrs. Maple: "Well, I'd feel very sorry for you...to have to see everybody you love, die before you do. That's an an awful responsibility."
Benjamin Button: [narrating] "I had never thought about life or death that way before."
Mrs. Maple: "Benjamin... We're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us."

He not only grew up in a house where "death was a frequent visitor" but went to war and saw the tragedies that had befallen many men he didn't know and some he knew rather well. The lesson he learns from Mrs. Maple is a lesson on great wisdom, wisdom that only comes from the experience of death. It's the same as the idiom, you don't know what you've got till it's gone, but hits home harder with anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one. Through interactions like this, through experiencing deaths of many people important to him, Benjamin develops a very different philosophy on death than what most people ever do. He grew up thinking he would die at any moment, grew up watching his earliest friends growing old and dying, saw death in inconceivable numbers at war, and by the time he finally got to his prime lost his mother.

Benjamin: "You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go."

He realized that fighting death, avoiding it, being scared of it in the end had no meaning because everyone is faced with the task of accepting death and it's finality. I found this very interesting because at first I thought it only had applicability for atheists, because most religions have some sort of view on death, some sort of comforting perspective of death or at least a noble idea attached to it. But even for Christians who have the promise of heaven, a paradise beyond all imagination (with no hurt, no pain, no suffering, no tears, no strife, no conflict, just joy, love, peace, happiness, etc) have trouble with death; most of us are still unreasonably scared of death despite what we believe to be true and promised to us. And again it brings us back to the inability to extend ourselves very far out of ourselves. It is hard, because of the way we are naturally made, to trust others, we already barely trust ourselves. It takes some real effort to trust yourself, to then trust someone else, and then trust an invisible being. As Christians, when it's over for us, instead of letting go of our need to trust in something completely, we let go of everything we trust in except for God. Perhaps if you're blessed, you'll find a way to trust in Him only at a single point in your life, but I would think it'd be very rare. One of the main things we strive for as Christians is the ability to let go of everything else and just trust in God alone; so obviously this would be a task meant for the end of our lives. This is against our incomplete and flawed nature! We work on it to the end, once we get there God tells us that we're ready; till then it is something for us to strive for, a reason for living, along with the goal to be used in God's will and plan, along with the finding and fulfilling of a need and desire to bring God glory as we were intended to.

There are many truthful observations in the film's script... but I found there is a necessary step to be taken before looking at it and taking it in, as a Christian. Christians are called to discern, to be in the world but not of it, so that crucial step is one back... a step away from it to look at it through the lens of scripture. Calvin College would probably approve of this blog post haha. Anyway, the point is that there is much to be learned from looking critically at this film. I think in a way this is not only a public call to discernment of films but a self-call to be more active in looking at films in terms of script, production, direction, acting, and more.

I hope you enjoyed this or learned something from it and that you feel free to comment and/or reply to this with any critique of your own of the film or of my critique. :]

Have a good day!

- JerBear

Christmas time?

2011-12-24T10:50:00.001-05:00

Hey everybody!

It's Christmas eve today... it sure doesn't feel like it though. And I'm sure many across the US agree with me on that this year. This winter has been rather warm for a lot of areas in the country and so even places in Michigan aren't going to have a white Christmas this year. For some reason this has been a topic that's been bouncing around me head. See, my house is not decorated as much this year, was not decorated till two days ago, and doesn't have a Christmas tree up. The feeling is just off... but lately I've been finding that the feeling, though important and helpful at times... is not the main factor in Christmas... or anything for that matter. It's the decision one makes; in this case, the decision to celebrate the birth of Christ, the decision to spend the celebratory time with loved ones, and the decision to make it a special time.

So all of you out there who have been finding it hard to make it feel like Christmas... stop trying to feel it and just choose Christmas over whatever else this time could be for you.

I hope you all have a wonderfully joyful Christmas! :D

- JerBear

It's break! Time to party?... or not?

2011-12-19T23:02:00.001-05:00

Salut!

It's finally Christmas break for me... and part of me doesn't want it. Now, I know that seems like a strange thing with how much I detest school work and how much I like the comfort of a home, but it makes a lot of sense to me at the moment.

I'm finding I have a lot of time on my hands that I end up just wasting... and when that time is wasted I just complain. I've been finding that I don't like all the hustle and bustle of a house full of people... perhaps I've gotten too used to living with a relaxed roommate and even more so suitemate in the dorms this year. I have been messy, all over the place, and easy-going when it comes to my personal stuff/space/room this past semester. It's been like my refuge from my attempt at organizing my life, school work, etc... and so coming back home, perhaps I was expecting the same thing...

Turns out back home there are more people and even though none of them are living in my room, they all care more about its neatness. I've been back for one night and my parents have tried to "help" me organize my stuff... the little bit that I actually brought home. My sister got back tonight, and though I love her, she has a need to organize the bathroom that I lack. It's just the little things, you know?

My dad for some reason insists on me doing everything within my power to test his new "toy" a wireless server for our printer... all the while I'm trying to talk to people, work on this blog, and do other things I had hoped to get done today. I don't even have anything to print!

Ok, ranting is done and out of the way. Now, praise and thanksgiving are in order.

I'm so thankful for the semester being over! It was stressing me out terribly... I have not felt as free as I had when I finished my last exam in a very long time! I'm also very thankful for my CAS 190 group members, who without, I would not have been able to get a 97 on the final project. I also praise the Lord for so many great newer friendships and renewed friendships in the last two weeks or so of the semester and particularly for one friend who has been exactly who I need at this time in my life. I thank Him also for the many personal struggles that He has brought me through in the last month and a bit. I am grateful for all the blessings and amenities that I have in my life... too much to even list or count. The more I think about it the more sick I am of it, but I also know that I need to appreciate what God has given me and not just complain and refuse it (something I learned from a friend :] ). I look back at old blog posts and think back to further back times in my life and realize how it's all still just building up to something: there's a waveform of sorts but it seems like either the frequency is increasing or the amplitude is... I can't tell. Maybe a little bit of both. :]

No matter what, however, I plan to make this break as good as it can be; and perhaps in order to do that I need to avoid partying hardy and just plain relaxation. I'm not entirely sure what God has in mind for me, but I know that he'll provide the peace I need and the break I so desperately need.

So for now, bonne nuit et au revoir!

- JerBear

Oh! I forgot to mention, I'm totally finally learning french and loving it! :]

Contentment is such a good thing

2011-12-03T14:44:00.001-05:00

I'm really content right now. God has shown me so much love and grace in the last few weeks. I haven't felt so relaxed, tired, but alive all at once in so long. This can obviously only be by God's grace. I don't deserve it but He knows my every need and knows exactly when to supply it. Just this little blurb for now. :D

2011-11-03T11:35:00.002-04:00

So I've decided I need to start blogging again.......

So, what's going on in my life........ huh. I guess I would have to talk about my sleep troubles. By sleep troubles I don't even mean something like sleep apnea or narcolepsy or anything remotely serious. It's sadly just a result of my lack of a sleep schedule. I've missed soooo many classes this semester and why? Sleeping through my phone alarm. -.-

Now, its not that I can't wake up to my alarms; I actually normally wake up to my first alarm but the trouble is getting up. See, I'm a rather short fellow, not miniscule but shorter than average. So what does my below par height have anything to do with my inability to get up in the morning in time for class? Well, you see... when you are only about 5'4" and you have to get off your bed in the morning that is about 6 or 7 feet up off the ground there are a couple problems for the barely conscious Jerry Chen. In my state of scarce consciousness, I cannot bring myself to jump down from my bed to the floor or step down to the back of my chair which is at best going to be dangerous if it just so happens not to be supported by anything. So, to solve my predicament I have moved my mattress down to the floor. I will be making a cave for myself over my mattress with my furniture. The only concern now is that I might have a major bruise on my forehead during the first few days.

In other Jerry news. I punched through a window with my bare fist... not completely on purpose but there was definitely some intent involved... and definitely a lot of pride induced lol. Now I have a sweet scar forming on my index finger and a scab from a deep cut over my middle finger knuckle. I'll share the gory details and funny bits about this story in my next post.

What? I need something to get you to read my next post. :p

Sayonara

Blogging!

2011-10-13T01:20:00.001-04:00

So, cool thing! I'll be blogging every two weeks for Calvin! :] and getting a little money on the side but anywho. Hopefully this will motivate me to blog more often on this ole thing :p

This is strangely exciting for me, I think mainly because my sister did a similar thing for Covenant College :]
I'll probably double post them on here as well! So expect some newer posts soon!

Contest Entry cause I can't think of anywhere else to post this.

2011-07-22T13:37:00.000-04:00

My Photo Entry for Photojojo's daily Twitter photo contest.
Title: "Life is more fun with Mirrors"

Cutco is Sharp!

2011-06-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

I am typing with one hand because my pinky finger got gashed up nice and deep and now has matching stitches... sooo... yeah lol great stuff... never use it in a moving car though...

- Jer Bear with a messed up pinky :/

Kinda feeling like this lately again...

2011-06-14T17:43:00.000-04:00

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1004590830759&set=a.1413080962757.2048375.1104510146&type=1&theater

This was a drawing I made a couple years ago... It really described how I felt then but I think now it is even more applicable...
I feel like from every which way there is advice on how I should live my life and desires for all sorts of various things pulling me in different directions... and I realize that most of it is for my good but some of it conflicts with other bits on different levels...
It's just kinda stressful to be thinking about it... and thus I have a couple options.

1. I ignore it all and do w/e the heck I want.
Can't do that. (morals, standards, idk)
2. I ignore most of it and pick and choose what I feel is most important or what I want more.
Makes me feel selfish and disrespectful.
3. I look at it all and see what is at the core of all of it and follow that.
Requires a lot of time, thinking, effort, etc... essentially a hassle. (maybe not worth all that time+effort)
4. I attempt to follow it all and try rediculously hard to balance it all and attempt to ignore any conflicts.
Lots and lots of stress.
5. I ask for some help.
I feel like I have no control over anything or like I'm not doing anything.

I'm not entirely sure what to choose... right now I guess I want to be able to do 4 and feel like I ought to do 3 and probably in reality need to do 5. But I think right now I'm just doing a mixture of 1 and 2.

So when does my stress-free summer break begin? *sigh*

Hope y'all are doing better than I am
- Jer Bear

X-Men and more...

2011-06-08T01:16:00.000-04:00

X-Men: First Class was AWESOME! :]

As they always have, Marvel has once again entertained and delighted me with one of their movies.

Not only that, but tonight, hanging with friends was pretty awesome itself! Definitely gonna do more of that this summer hahaha. Makes me really want to reconsider my work status... I need to find a better job (less erratic and time-consuming) :/

Fixed Computer!

2011-06-07T01:15:00.000-04:00

I have finally fixed my computer! Got a used laptop of the same model and just added my harddrive and swapped my screen bezel/holder :p. Looks pretty decent if I may say so myself!

Anywho now I got two hard drives so that's kinda cool. :]

On another note... work is crazy... Vector Marketing, at least the East Orlando Office, is hardcore. lol This summer I really got my work cut out for me.

This is a really short post... I'm going to fill some space for no reason....
yup...
yup lol
yeah...

ok good enough!
Time to sleep I think...

- JerBear

This summer is finally starting to pickup a bit!

2011-05-30T01:05:00.000-04:00

Hey all!

I am officially a sales rep for Cutco! I am super psyched about puttin on demos for people and finding the products that will best suit them and their family's needs. :]

Anywho! I am back from the annual Florida Chinese Christian Retreat at Lake Yale and am feeling like this summer might be exactly what I need.
This year wasn't the best Lake Yale Retreat and I actually didn't agree with a lot of things that I saw and experienced. This at first was really troubling but after thinking very long and deeply meditating on my discomfort I think I have come to understand myself and my background as a Chinese Christian in America in a much deeper and satisfying way than ever before.

I think also what I have gotten from this year's retreat is the urgency and necessity of integrating my faith into the secular regions of my life but not the other way around. I think I have taken my academics in one sense too seriously and in another not seriously enough. In the first sense, I have put too much emphasis and focus on the Christian Perspective academics so that I now have attempted to fully combine it with my faith which has lead my spiritual life into too strong of an intellectual realm rather than a faith based one. In the second sense, I have not been serious enough with my academics as my calling from God and I seem to have somewhat lost faith in His promises and thus lost the motivation to do my best for God and His glory. I have not been keeping up well with my side of this Covenant and think just maybe this summer is about this.

I think God right now mainly is trying to teach me to love other people at all times and not only when I can force the actions or when I like them. I think he is trying to teach me to see past any perceived faults of my fellow Christians and how to truly love them and myself for what is evidential of God's glory and to deal with the faults in a much better, Christ-like manner.

God has really thrown me for a mental, emotional, and spiritual loop but I now can more confidently trust that it is part of his crazy plan for me.

Thanks for reading this if you did!
Blog to you all again soon!

- JerBear

Mundane...

2011-05-23T21:46:00.000-04:00

Hi there!

Life feels sorta mundane at home... I have some stuff to do and responsibilities around the house... I'm looking for jobs and such... hanging out with friends but all the same it's just kinda off.

I've decided on getting a cheap used Inspiron 1545 instead of getting a nice new, high powered laptop... less exciting but more affordable and makes me feel less guilty about my parents paying since it was my fault my laptop broke...

I've been filling my time with random movies I can find online... and sleeping lol
Definitely wish I had my guitar :/... or my mic... or a laptop of my own...

Yup, this blog is pretty much just a time filler... not that I don't care about all 1 of my loyal followers :p.

Anywho... I really want to finally get my laptop situation all figured out so I can start working more with my photography again!...

Till later I guess...

(Running out of languages and feeling a bit lazy)
Bye!

It's so strange...

2011-05-18T03:46:00.000-04:00

After a year of basically living here at Calvin... it's legitimately weird for me to go home... I have only been home one time this whole school year since September and that one time was only for 3 weeks. I spent Thanksgiving here... I spent spring break at Covenant and so it wasn't like going home at all... Honestly... my dorm room and building has truly become my home and I will miss it a lot over the summer.

I'm thinking about all this because tomorrow is my last full day before I leave to go back down to Florida and the last day of my Freshman year... It's been pretty crazy... pretty fun... had its ups and downs... it's been an awesome year and I can't wait for next year! I will miss my friends here a lot over the summer... the dorm is like a really really large family (of course some people are a little more distant but there's still a large group of people you get to know pretty well)... which is something that I've never had before. Essentially this is a thank you to everyone who has made this year what it has turned out to be!
So...
Thank you! Arigato! Xie xie! Gracias! Merci! Grazie! Mahalo! Komapsumnida! Siyabonga!
Duizendmaal Dank! (for all you Dutch people lol)

Farewell! Gokigen yo! Yi lu ping an! Buen viaje! Bon voyage! Buon viaggio! Ke Akua pu a hui kaua! Jalda nyeoo sip sio! Ube nohambo oluhle! Goede reis!

- JerBear

P.S.If you're wondering where I find the different language expressions (other than from my noodle)
I use http://omniglot.com/

Tired of the week

2011-05-16T22:30:00.001-04:00

Bonjour!

The "Tired" of the week is...

Also... I'm tired of this week lol...
Slept 2 hours in a chair last night! That was fun :p and then took a monster nap from like 4-9!... But I'm still really dazed and kinda groggy I guess... Anywho

haha this is a fun site: http://www.allrandomfacts.com/

The mother flamingo's milk is red.

I feel like I would have been scarred as a flamingo baby...
"Mommy? Why are you bleeding?"
"Shhh... just drink it"
"No! No!" *forced to drink* "Ahh!--... mmmmm... blood"

Mandarin duck couples stop liking each other after their nest is built.

It's like a couple that never fights till they move in together. Glad to see we aren't the only messed up ones.

Ok... well I have to study for a 9 AM final... mmmm

Alrighty then... till next time!
Au revoir!

So... crazy idea for the dorms?

2011-05-14T13:48:00.001-04:00

Konnichiwa!

Ok, so Calvin's dorms have small computer labs and in each one of those computer labs there is one printer for the dorm. Now, I don't want to be rude or insulting to Calvin's system... but it sucks! I am down here quite a lot now a days, with my laptop broken and all, and I see people printing things all the time... or not printing. Half of the time the paper is completely gone and so people can't print unless they have a friend who has their own printer paper in their room. Paper can be acquired from the dorm deskie but the desk is closed after 12 on most days. Another issue with printing is the lack of printer toner (ink essentially). This one toner cartridge is i think the second we have had this semester... but with the amount of paper and printing we go through, it should be well on to its third, especially by now. The toner cartridge lacks the ink to print out one single sheet of the standard double-spaced essay/assignment/paper. The toner needs to be shaken after almost every 1 or 2 print queues.

Now for my crazy suggestion... Seeing as we ran out of paper at the desk at one point last week or the week before and seeing as the Dorm Tech is either unavailable or just ignoring us for some reason. I believe the cabinet that is in every computer lab should be stocked with back up toner(one cartridge at a time) and a couple stacks of printer paper. That's reasonable right? Well here is the REALLY crazy part... how about we give a copy of the key to that cabinet to perhaps the desk? or even crazier perhaps create a new volunteer/dorm position of dorm student technician? That way when things start failing and students are getting frustrated by technical issues(over not being able to print out their term papers and other important documents) there will be a tech in the dorm at almost all times to help out with these issues.

In summary... I am tired of having to shake the toner 20 times a day... it's unnecessary and can be avoided/prevented. I'm tired of going up stairs every day or two to supply friends with paper when it's not their fault at all. It's just kinda annoying. That is all.

Ja mata ne!

It is as hot as...... Florida (Originally for 5/12)

2011-05-13T19:32:00.000-04:00

(Blogger wasn't working yesterday and so that is why this is being posted right now)
Yeah, didn't go with any obscenity hahaha.

Hola mis amigos,

It is as you may have gathered really hot today. It was kinda warm and breezy yesterday at about maybe low to mid 70s but today is absolutely ridiculous... It actually feels like I'm back in Florida! It's in the low 80s outside right now and there was a crazy Thunderstorm last night meaning it is both really hot and humid outside... exactly what I left Florida for lol.

On another note... I am really hungry... and I really don't want to study or pack... Procrastination is on my mind haha.

On an actual other note... So many sequels coming out this summer(starting next week)! What do you guys think? Pirates 4: On Stranger Tides, Kung Fu Panda 2, The Hangover Part 2, X-Men: First Class, Cars 2, and Transformers(3): Dark of the Moon. Crazy line up this summer in terms of sequels. So to start off:

Pirates 4? Depp is no doubt going to be awesome. Some people say it might be a little too cliche with the Fountain of Youth and Black Beard... but I think not. I the Fountain and Black Beard are so essential to pirates tales and the time of exploration that I think it is the most suitable next adventure for Jack Sparrow. However I think perhaps Pirates should considered wrapping up the franchise with this movie. Or at the very least stop making large scale films for it. Also Penelope Cruz and mermaids? Hot or not? I'd have to say hot... as in I like the idea of having an almost femme fatale like heroine (Penelope Cruz... duh) and the interesting connection between mermaids and the Fountain. Plus, if they can pull off having Davy Jones being a humanoid octopus I think mermaids are acceptable lol. Trailer looks pretty good but it is a trailer. Watch the Trailer here: http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809791042/trailer

Kung Fu Panda 2? I don't quite know about this one. Po was pretty epically powerful and awesome at the end of the first movie... It seems best to end it there. The new movie has a new villain that is apparently unstoppable and plans to take over China and destroy Kung Fu using some sort of secret weapon. Plus Po is the freakin Dragon warrior isnt he? Shouldn't he be able to defeat this villain easily? but on the other hand there was a nice little middle short movie and I did enjoy that so who knows... maybe the sequel will work out. The trailer is funny enough; there are bound to be some funny bits in there so at least it will be funny. As funny as the first? maybe not... we'll find out soon enough. Watch the Trailer here: http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810090593/trailer.

And finally The Hangover Part 2? I just watched The Hangover a couple nights ago... More funny than I thought it would be haha. I'm honestly not entirely sure what I think about this sequel. I don't really like the idea of using a wedding as the backdrop setting/situation of the story again... but that's not all that important. What is important is that they have a Capuchin(the species of exotic monkey most popularly used in media; e.i, Ross's monkey Marcel in Friends)! And guess who's back for another probably random appearance? Mr. Chow! Our favorite, probably gay Chinese Gang leader! lol Anywho there are tattoos, buzzed heads, lost Dougs again, lost future little brother-in-laws, martial-artists, old thai men... OH yeah and this is all goin down in Bangkok. lol The trailer is hilarious so who knows... perhaps this will be one of those sequels that beat out the originals... we'll just have to wait and see. Watch the Trailer here: http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810187722/info.

I'm not going past this on the list only because this post is getting pretty long already(don't want to bore you guys for too long haha), I need to get back to studying and packing and laundry, and it's nearly dinner time and I'm starving! Oh, plus I felt like this was a good stopping point seeing as these are the only three coming out this month.

Alrighty then! Till tomorrow!

Adios!

Why does it seem like I only post late at night/early in the morning?

2011-05-11T04:14:00.000-04:00

Oh... cause I do. lol

Ni hao!

I'm finally finished recording and making the "video" for my cover of "With You" by Chris Brown!
That's really all that I wanted to say haha. But in case you are still curious, head over to my YouTube Channel.

As a little bonus... I recently found out that if you use ink pens and some good hairspray you can make some pretty cool fake tattoos (with the aid of a little drawing skills too of course)! This is what being tired in class does to you haha. I stay awake when I doodle, especially when on my skin. Try it sometime if you get really sleepy in class! Anywho... I better get some sleep...

Till probably later today,
Zai Jian!