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Lance & Jayne joined us in the Los Padre National Forest for their beautiful engagement session. One of my favorite short drives to the forest close to Bakersfield. These two wrapped themselves into each other so sweetly!

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Indoor maternity sessions available in SW Bakersfield year round. My home studio is perfect for small family groups, newborn and babies. Maternity gowns available for use for sizes 2-24 in several colors.
Ready to book your session? Get in touch here, I look forward to hearing from you <3

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This time I reach out and shared nearly all the hard and easy parts with the world. I shared about the times I spend sobbing in the shower. Begging God and the universe to heal my baby. I was held and comforted. I shared about hospital living and having our family split in two. Traveling back and forth every weekend and only seeing each other as a whole on Fridays and Sundays for an hour. I was scared that my guys would be hungry because I wasn’t home to feed them. Hot meals and gift cards to our favorite places were taken care of. A stress relieved from my overflowing plate. I worried over how I would be able to still provide for my family while needing the time off. I was given grace, patience, and understanding. My business thrived because of it.

We were lifted up, prayed for, fed, loved and supported in so many ways. My friends and family, our local creatives community, our neighbors and even strangers. You’re incredible, beautiful humans. These are the moments that can’t be paid back. There are no measurements of love and gratitude quite like this. I don’t know how to say thank you for this except to give that incredible love and kindness right back.

I’m left feeling so thankful even through the chaos, because I witnessed and received such beautiful blessings from all around. I learned what it meant to have a friend when you’re in need and a shoulder when I needed to cry. I learned that I’m not able to do all the things by myself and it’s okay to accept help. It’s not easy for me to hand the reigns over to others.

Just… Thank you. My family survived the hardest parts of this year. We did it with the help of others. We couldn’t have done it without you!

I think it’s important to include photos in blog posts, so I’ll share this one from last weekend! We participated in the 90th Annual Downtown Fresno Christmas Parade with other CIDP/GBS survivors. Of course Abigail walked it and kicked so much butt. It was such a great way to end the year in victory!

2020, I’m ready for you It’s going to be a beautiful year!

If you’re new here and want to catch up on how our year started, visit these blog posts:
Abigail, Diagnosed
Abigail, Mini Update
Grateful

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I feel it doesn’t have to be that way! I’d love to work on my perception a little bit. I think I’d like to focus on the good parts of it. Like how I’ve grown to have very acute awareness of my mental state, feelings and emotions and I really understand the WHY behind them. It’s been a very peaceful part of living with anxiety. Knowing what’s triggering it, why I’m reacting the way I am and how to manage those feelings without getting overwhelmed. I think it’s also why it’s so easy for me to talk about these days!

I have to tell you though, I’m no good at scheduling time off for myself this time of year. But I did this week. WHOA my gosh you guys. I took TWO unplanned days off this week. I turned off my computer, I did ZERO editing, no bookkeeping. I shut it down and I enjoyed my family. I might have also caught up on some dishes, but for the most part I just was. I made breakfast. I spent time and had open conversation with my family members. My husband took me to look through the plant sections at the closest nursery. I just took my time and had a slower paced day with nothing over my head saying get back to work. I needed it so bad. It was because I took those days off, that I slept better, enjoyed my family fully, took care of my mental state and truly let things be, that I came back on Tuesday roaring and able to get SO MUCH DONE. It was much needed. I’m making a point every busy season to schedule time off from now on.

Something I’ve really enjoyed lately that’s helped keep me balanced is still photography related too! I’ve been exploring my garden more often with my macro lens or even my iPhone! I have to breathe calmly so I don’t shake my camera, it’s quiet and I get to explore the light and how it plays on the leaves of my plants at different times of the day. It’s been really enjoyable!

I wanted to invite you to do the same. Especially if your world is in that GO GO GO state too. You deserve to take a day and just be. Just live. Do something for yourself that doesn’t take up all of your brain space. You don’t need my permission to do it, but you might have needed someone to remind you and I hope that’s what you take from this. Breathe. Eat good food, wear something comfortable for a full day, play a board game, order in.

What do you do to instill REST in your life? Do you have go-to activities that help you unplug and refresh?! I’d love to hear what you do! Writing this down and talking about my mental health makes me feel positive, does it feel that way for you?!

This year, World Mental Health Day is focusing on Suicide Prevention. Every 40 seconds, someone loses their life to suicide. That’s an alarming rate. Suicide is the leading cause of death world wide for young people ages 15-29 years old. If you or someone you love needs help, talk to someone now. The Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255

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You’re here for one of three reasons:
1. You curious about my why.
2. You popped over from my email subscriptions, thanks for signing up!
3. You just love me and like to keep updated on my newest blog posts! Shewwwt, I’m blushing, thank you ;)

No matter your reason for being here, I wanted to invite you here so I can share my WHY. Have you heard that before? What it means is shaking off all the fluff and glitter and really sharing what really motivates me to do this job. So let’s get to it!

So that’s me up there, haha! I’m Jess and I serve the Bakersfield community and surrounding areas with newborn, baby & family photography! This year I celebrated 9 years of business and man, it has been a JOURNEY!

When I purchased my first DSLR camera, my children were 3 and 1. My goal was to document our everyday life, like our personal family historian. Like most stay at home moms I knew, I craved the chance to provide for my family monetarily and the interaction with other adults from day to day. What I wasn’t prepared for was how great it felt to have a creative outlet and a chance to get to know new people and serve them! I’m a textbook introvert and thrive in my quiet happy place, usually. It’s still a good idea to get out and people sometimes!

All of that is really great. But it’s not my WHY. Bare with me while I open my heart and tell you how I really ended up here. A photographer capturing motherhood, new life and all of the important milestones.

It’s not my kids.

I love my babies. They’re a great motivator for a lot of things, they light a fire in my belly to leave this world a better place. They’re a good part of my reason for being on this earth every single day! The moment we become parents, our lives revolve around our children, don’t they?

If I let my mind wander too much, I tell myself my why is selfish. It might be, but it’s important to be selfish sometimes. As much as I love today for my kids, it’s important to remember they’re only here with me for a short time before those wings of their spread wide and take on the world for themselves. Now that they’re independent self thinking teenagers, I can see that part of their lives coming at me like bright headlights. I see a time where my day isn’t about their needs from sunrise to sunset.

While that thought is very terrifying and I’m not really sure how and when they grew up so damned fast… I’m also slowly easing into a place in life that allows me to be ME again. I get to focus on my heart and soul goals, my life’s purpose. So much of my personal life revolves around mental health. Mine specifically and I know that’s where my photography spreads it’s wings and soars.

I, am my WHY.

Yeah that. I am my WHY. I do this for me.

Earning an income to help provide for my family’s needs is wonderful and an essential part of running a business. However, when I’m behind the camera, digging deep inside of my creative soul, watching for the perfect light to fall over you while your family has a cuddle war… That’s when I get to be myself and get lost in my creative groove. I struggle daily with anxiety, you probably already knew that since I talk about it often.

When my babies were babies, I struggled HARD with Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety. I didn’t feel comfortable reaching out for help. Goodness I wish I could go back and tell past me that it is okay to ask for help. It’s one of my greatest regrets. I can tell you that I don’t remember much of my oldest’s first year. It’s all very blurry. I know we spent a lot of time at home watching Nemo and Cars on repeat. So much of everything else? It’s just a fuzzy memory that I can barely piece together. Then I experienced that same blur, but maybe not so intensely, when my youngest was born.

I felt like a failure.

Wasn’t a good enough mom, couldn’t keep up with everything. The household chores, their needs, my needs. I don’t really know why some of us experience this but I do know what helped save me. Photographs. I can recall many times just sifting through the photos I took of them. Admiring their tiny little details. They that were growing so fast I felt like time wouldn’t let me enjoy their littleness! I felt like I could freeze time and everything I wanted to remember with photos. That is exactly what I hope to do for others who might also experience PPD/PPA like I did.

Creating and making connections with others through my work is what sets fire to my soul. It gives me purpose and it calms my rapid heart beat like nothing else. It keeps my mental health in check so that I can be the mom, wife, and human I strive to be. My hope is that through creating for you, I’m able to give you the same peace in your hearts and minds too! I hope that the photographs we create together are sweet little reminders of your purpose and your why.

What is your heart work? What is the WHY that fuels you towards it?!

While I have you here, come hang out with me on Instagram!
Want to chat more about PPD/PPA or book a session? Hope over to my home page and fill out the “Leave a note” form! I’d love to hear from you <3

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Itty Bitty Sitter Chair from Jennley Studio Props
Natural Wood Bowl from Bailey’s Knits

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