jessa kay

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Engleberg 2008 [Flickr]

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I HAVE MOVED

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 04:19:20 PST

I first used wordpress sometime last year whilst doing a web project. In the middle of it, I decided that I liked it a whole lot more than blogger as I found it more flexible. No bashing on the blogger side though, It's done me good the last couple of years. But now I have a new blog located at zoezombie.com. It's all spiffy looking.

Go to the new address and press Ctrl D to add a new bookmark.. if you're using firefox.

So go check it out now, because I love you. And you should love me too.

Remember loved bitches, zoezombie.com. Tell your mum.

The love of my life

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sun, 28 Jan 2007 17:32:02 PST

Thank god you came into my life. Where would i be without you?

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 20:05:54 PST

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 17:21:22 PST

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 23:58:16 PST

My room

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 16:23:28 PST

You look like a monkey..

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 18:42:20 PST

It's my birthday today. I'm 18 years old. Again. I've been 18 years old for the past four years and I'm loving it.

I swear to god - every single little sugar S-H-I-T honey is 18 years old. It's bullshit. That age should be revoked so people like me who are 18+4 don't have to deal with feeling like they're getting older as the days go by.

I honestly hate it when it's my birthday. Not because I know that I'm getting closer and closer to my inevitable death, but because I hate the attention. The ten thousand phone calls from relatives that turn awkward after ten seconds of saying "happy birthday", the endless hugs and kisses and yells of "Happy Birthday!". I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I had a massive hangover, but it seemed to disappear at around 9:30 which is when I eventually woke up. Not bad for other people, but 9:30 is my sleep in time.

So what the fuck have I been doing since 2007 came? A hell of a lot, and yet nothing at all. I worked on new years day which is blasphemy in itself. I spent my entire shift yawning because I was so tired. I felt like my eyes were bugging out of my head. Then of course I went somewhere... only I can't remember where. Or maybe I didn't... this is how tired I was. I am quite sure I wasn't able to legally operate a car becuase I would have fallen asleep at the wheel and then BAM!

It wasn't until the next day when I felt as though I was going to fall asleep standing up. Scary as it may seem, I constantly yawned.. and yawned and yawned. My boss even made fun of me for yawning so much. I could have swallowed about 10,000 flies by the looks of it.

My family went down south on the 3rd, leaving me alone at home. Thank god they were gone. That meant I could smoke, drink and EEE-AW as much as I wanted. Although on the first day, I forgot that I left the cat inside while I went to work. Needless to say, I was worried the entire time that he was going to shit and piss in the house. When I got home, I was relieved to find that he was sleeping the entire time I was gone and hadn't moved a bit. Then I got a bit jealous. The little bastard.

I had roger stay with me for the first three or four days and he grew anxious with ever day. Apparently he's not one of those people who can just sit there are chillax for more than five minutes. He has to get up and go for a walk or work out or do something rather than just sit down. It's why he's only seen about 5 movies..ever. Not only was his anxiousness astounding me, but also the fact that he's not seen a single film. I know he's seen Scarface, Pink Floyd: The Wall and possibly another film which I can't remember the name of.

I love watching films. And because i studied them at university, I don't really just sit and watch. I like to analyse things because it makes the movie going experience a lot more fulfilling to me. But he just thinks it's a waste of time. And so it was hard for him to sit down for more than two minutes. I would put it down to worms, but then I could also put it down to the fact that he's a freakin jelly bean.

My "eat my dick fuck face" birthday party was at my house on the 5th. More people than I expected showed up. I wanted chairs to be everywhere, hoping that it would encourage people to just relax. People seem to be more psycho when they're standing up and drunk. A lot more glasses are broken and more people are hurt. So you can imagine I was super pissed that two of the guys started stacking the chairs and hiding them so people would dance more. And by "pissed", I mean that I was both annoyed and really drunk at the same time. It was an ok party overall but I was annoyed that people were leaving at 10:30 and that other people just didn't seem to give a shit that we were there for celebrating my birthday. Others decided to use it as a platform for voicing their past pain, while others got blind drunk and decided putting bowls on their head was funny. It wasn't so funny when andrew dropped one and it smashed on the ground. I gave him a dirty look that would have mutilated him, if looks could ever do that.

The next day, I rang mum to tell her that everything went well, but one bowl was broken. I didn't really think she would care, especially since it was just a bowl. But she tsk'd and said "Oh.. that bowl was part of a set.." Weird.

There goes the phone again.. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA"... *awkward silence*... fun. My exact idea of fun...

Roger and I also got into a major fight.. and it was mainly because of me. We were both too drunk and I was too stoned to comprehend anything so when he said something that I thought was inappropriate, I flew off the handle and tried to shove him away from me, telling him to fuck off. It wasn't until later when we tried to sleep (he kept trying to apologise and I wouldn't listen) that he alerted me to the joke we had made earlier which was a major contribution to what he said that pissed me off.. but because I forgot the joke, what he said made no sense which is why I got mad. It seems confusing, but the thing to remember here is that I got mad for no reason, although he did bring up the joke at a bad time.

Men, remember not to make a joke when your girlfriend/wife/bitch/whatever says "i love you". IT'S NOT THE TIME. SERIAL.

We went back to the jungle that used to be my backyard. Everyone had left except for Liz who was passed out on the sofa after working herself up all night, and shannon who was sleeping in my room. We decided to leave the mess and wait till the morning. Liz split at 8. Shannon left around 10. Put it this way, if I didn't have roger I would have been fucked.

The backyard was filled with probably 80 bottles and cans, smashed glass, cardboard carriers thrown behind the barbeque even though there were bins, cigarette butts even though there were ashtrays, spilt coke, cans and bottles placed outside the half empty bins, rubbish on the floor, smooshed twisties and chips in the bricks, m&ms leaving streaks of colour on the bricks.. it looked like a food fight had taken place. I was considering hiring a cleaner to do it, because I just got lazy looking at the sight. If my parents were home, they would have freaked.

Over the two hours it took to clean the backyard, we listened to pungent stench much to the delight of neighbours. When it was over, I wanted to sleep. But of course roger wanted to go for a walk. I think he must think I'm some kind of lazy bastard because all i wanted to do was sit around and do nothing.

On Sunday morning, roger left and Shannon took his place. We decided to down one of the many bottles of jack daniels I got for my birthday. We were getting so trashed that we thought it would be a brilliant idea to start doing shots of jacks. Now I've been told I can't handle my drinks, maybe by someone who thinks they know me but really doesn't, but if I can't handle my drinks then Shannon is the fucking queen of the land of those who cannot handle thy drinketh. We drank the exact same amount of jacks, but it was her that christened the toilet with her vom-vom. I helped clean it up, but I wasn't feeling sick at all. Poor Shannon, I felt bad for her and partly responsible for the fact that it was my alcohol that made her do a total Linda Blair exorcist stunt.

The next day, she suffered her first hangover and we went shopping. What the fuck else do you do when you have a hangover besides drink lots of water and get called into work? SHOP! She bought nothing, but I bought a dress and picked up a new phone. I also dyed my hair brown because I was fucking sick of blonde. I also accidently dyed the rabbit. I gave her a dimebag. It wasn't my fucking fault though! My hair dye has read in it so when I put the cape on the floor, she grabbed it and pulled it in the cage. The dye must have still been wet, because the next day there was a blotch of red under her chin. I dimebagged her all right.. but now i feel bad. I hope I don't get busted. again.

Jamie stayed over on the last night which is always fun. My level-headed friend, the one I go to who will never let her personal feelings get in the way of judgement. Other people seem to say 'yes' or 'no' because of how they feel. Jamie says 'yes' or 'no' in a way that's good for my cause, not hers. So we spent a lot of time talking. Also, one of the best modern torture devices is making your boyfriend watch sex and the city with your girlfriends. However, roger actually enjoyed it.. I am quite sure he's not gay. I've asked him that many times. Obviously I'm joking, but it's fun to tease.

The moment my family came home, I told Jamie to leave because I knew that mum was going to pick me out on something. sure enough, she did. the house wasn't clean enough apparently even though i spent the entire day of tuesday cleaning the entire fucking house. i came to the conclusion that the moment money is good, i'm moving out. I can't live in a house where i feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells and everything I do is wrong. How can anyone live like that?

She even got annoyed this morning when I jokingly tried to run away from her regarding my birthday. i didn't know that was offensive.

*sigh* so that's my super first 11 days of 2007. The year of possibly nothing..

Gloucester Park

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 22:03:08 PST

Last night, Petra and I went to Gloucester Park to spend time with our friend Nat. Everyone had gone down south - Nessie and Liz were in Bunbury because nessie had a gig and Jamie was in Mandurah with her boyfriend to be with him and protect him from a goddamn she-devil.

Jamie has balls. People don't often think that, but I think the girl has balls. And fuck man, if anyone tried anything on Justin, she'd get so ballsy that every man in the room would quiver in fear.

So after about two weeks of trying to decide what the fuck we were going to do, we ended up going to Gloucester Park to hang with Nat and be with the boy. Since they all got there before we did, Petra and I took our sweet ass time getting ready. Also because she finished work at 8 and then mum made me try on some gay dress to wear last night but I wasn't having it. I told petra to wear comfortable shoes because I knew we would be walking from the train station to Gloucester Park but she wore heels. She said she was okay, until we got about a 5 minute walk away from the area and wanted to call a taxi. For a two minute drive, it cost $12.60. Fucking bullshit if you ask me.

And I got pissed off by the fact that as Petra was paying for the ride, some fucking cunt came up to her and was tapping her on the back saying "can you get out I want to go in this taxi". I mean, what the fuck?! Maybe this chick was drunk, but I don't fucking know. Maybe it was only a matter of time before this chick started dragging petra out of the taxi through the window.

We paid for our tickets and I got a good laugh out of a drunken chick next to me who kept proclaiming that the tickets had sold out after every person turned away from the ticket box. She'd say "Oh those people got the last tickets!" or "Oh well, all sold out." It was just funny, I don't know why. I burst out laughing when I bought mine and she yelled out "This girl got the last ticket!".

A smoke before we went in was necessary. Apparently Gloucester Park was a non smoking event. No smoking in the open air either which was totally bullshit. It was only after I snuck my first cigarette that I turned around to see that there was a smoking bar but it seemed like it was for members only.

I was supposed to be quitting at midnight but my last cigarette was at 5am. I had to buy a packet after I dropped roger off.. I just had too! But I'm pretty proud of the fact that I haven't had one since I've been awake.. which is two hours ago. hahahaaaa...

When we got through the gates, I forced one of the workers to check my I.D and give me a 18+ wristband. He laughed at me and said "Do you get asked for your i.d sometimes?" and I said yes which is true. Although, I've noticed lately that being asked for my I.D is occuring as frequently as a blue moon.. which is kind of sad. Goodbye youth. You were totally gay.

What else was totally gay was that the lines for alcohol were really long so Nat suggested buying four cans or whatever at a time. Only the chick opened all the cans so we had to carry around three open cans of drink all night. fucking pathetic.

I've never been so bored of fireworks in my life. seriously. after about two minutes of them, i'd had enough. only they went for about 15 minutes. Jeremy accidently punched nat in the eye and later jeremy would be punched three times in the stomach by a bouncer because jeremy called him a cunt. needless to say, nat was super pissed with poor jeremy for the rest of the night after he got thrown out. thankfully by that time we were already leaving. petra took her shoes off so she could walk back okay and i insisted rog give her a piggy back while I aided jeremy in walking. poor guy, i thought he needed to throw up because he kept stopping to bend over. At the time I didn't know he had been punched.

Either way, it was a good night. i was just really glad i got to spend the night with petra and of course nat and everyone else. I don't know why but the last month has really made up for a fucking shit year. i feel lucky for the first time in ages and a lot more relaxed. hopefully 2007 will be awesome.

Have a gay new year!

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 22:02:22 PST

2006 has been absolutely fucking mad for me. I never thought a person could go through so many things in one year but apparently so. I learnt so many things about myself.. like my morals.. I learnt I actually have morals. I learnt I actually care about living and I learnt that I'm also extremely self destructive.. I guess now is a good time to stop that shit and put it behind me. I can't move forward any other way.

This year has gone so fast that it felt like my 21st was only last week. It's insane. And now I'm fucking tired and exhausted and I can't really give two fucks that it's going to be january 1st tomorrow because it makes no difference. It's just that it will be a monday. Pathetic.

I hope everyone is enjoying their halloween holidays. It's halloween for another 5 days so enjoy it!! Have a good time tonight people and be safe.
xx

bah.

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 22:00:01 PST

This year I've become somewhat of an atheist. So I've been a bit iffy when people wish me a merry christmas - it doesn't seem to mean anything anymore.I think "Merry Christmas" lost it's meaning about 2 years after I was born and people started making more money, therefore buying more and better gifts and therefore.. forgetting about that Jesus guy all together.

And honestly, who the fuck says "Merry"? I mean, in our daily lives? The only time I say that word is when I am saying "Merry Christmas". Otherwise I will never say "Merry". No one fucking uses that word. Every other holiday has "Happy" at the beginning .. Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, Happy New Year.. everything is HAPPY. But OH NO... Christmas has to go and be "MERRY". Why can't it be gay? Have a gay christmas? Have a Happy Christmas. And if "Happy Christmas" is more used in the UK, then why isn't it here? Just because we're the united states of australia?

And to those people who are actually upset that the phrase "Happy Holidays" may spell the end of Christmas can get fucked up the ass with a hose. Honestly.. I mean.. some people actually do get offended when you wish them a Gay Christmas and they're not Christian or even remotely believe in Jesus. What I think is more pathetic is that it took two buildings to collapse to make people realise that we're not all Christian or whatever and now we have to start being more "PC" because it offends people. Like that bank that stopped using piggy banks because they thought it was offensive to Muslims.

Oh god, i really hope my mum doesn't put that gay christmas cd on. That cd must be about 15 years old and she puts it on every year... really loud. It's LAME.

What I love about Christmas the most is the mass text messages I get throughout the day. I get about 20 of them.. some from people I haven't spoken to in ages. Some people will actually message me and say "hey jess..." blah blah.. but everything else is generic and means as much as when you say it in person. People just say merry christmas for the sake of saying it.. like when you say 'hello'. LAME.

The thing i love about it is my family is all together and everyone is chillin out, eating drinking watching lame telly.. whatever..

anyway, have a good day today people... the day of HALLOWEEN.

The hell that is yearbooks.

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 22:01:06 PST

Last night I met someone who went to my high school, but for the life of me I could not recognise him let alone remember him. He was the year above me and I had a pretty good clue of who the people in the year above me were even if I never did talk to them!

So when I got home this morning, I checked out the yearbook. No wonder I didn't fucking recognise him.. in the picture he had blonde hair tied back and glasses. But when I met him, he had black hair and no glasses. I understand that people change, but dude... I couldn't even recognise him.

Of course I got lost in looking through the yearbook. I always seem to do that... I want to look in a yearbook for about 2 seconds and end up looking at it for about two hours. It's funny, somehow I think I will change my view on highschool but after the two hours I find that I'm right back where I started and nothing is ever going to change my view of that motherfucking shit hole.

Not to say that I was 'unpopular', but I certainly wasn't in the 'popular' group. And I never wanted to be. All of them were self obsessed, mobile phone obsessed, cock obsessed, smoking in the toilets obsessed, lets-go-do-weed-in-the-bushes obsessed... and all of them interbred with each other. Fucking disgusting narcissistic pigs if you ask me. I don't ever remember any of them ever being nice to me and I'm quite sure I remember very well.

In year 12, I told one of the girls to go fuck herself. That was very out of my character to THEM at the time as they probably thought I was some push over who would take their shit. Well apparently, the fact that I could hold my own in a yelling match with miss queen B (who had the face of a fucking rat and was the kind of person that would jump in everyone's photo's just so she could have her ugly face on film) was the gossip of the week. And that I told her to go fuck herself earned applause from those whom I thought were her friends or at least remotely liked her.

I didn't really care about the people so much but when I line was crossed, I had to step up. Like the time when all those girls in my photography class would ask for my work so they wouldn't have to do any. I always said no because no one was going to do that for me. So one day I came into class and found them looking through my workbook. I became so furious that they disrespected me so much to do that. They were unaware that I was in the room at the time. I walked over, slammed my hand on the table and grabbed my book, hitting someone in the face with it. Of course I claimed it as an accident, but was it..?

Or the time when a girl who had been giving me shits all year decided to single me out in maths class whilst the teacher wasn't there and start hurling taunts at me because I was late to class. No one else really cared and was still doing their work whilst this was going on. My friends were staring at her in shock, wondering why this girl was getting all Amber from Clueless style at me. I went to take my seat, ignoring her at first, then suddenly turned around, glaring at her and snapped "How about you shut the fuck up you fucking bitch?" She stopped suddenly and looked as though she got slapped in the face. Everyone had stopped doing their work and was now looking at me in shock. Her friend sitting next to her was looking at me in shock. The teacher walked in so nothing else could be exchanged and I sat down. Conversation over.

Now don't go thinking I was some sort of aggressive bitch because honestly, they are the only three instances in which I've ever done something. I never really gave a fuck about those people. I had a group of friends that were considered "rejects" because we didn't fit in anywhere. We'd take in new people constantly before other people realised they were cool and tell them not to hang around us because we were the "reject" group. Hah. I would much rather be in a reject group who didn't give a shit about anyone else and just wanted to have a good time with friends, than such fickle people thinking I'm really awesome for such superficial instances.

Now some of you may read my blogs and read of a little character named Petra or Laila. Same person. Petra I met in a maths class way back in '99. It wasn't until the naughties that we became really close. Nothing seemed to matter to us but music. We kind of distanced ourselves from our group but still hung out with them. It was the kind of situation where, if Petra wasn't standing next to me, people would ask where she was. Not necessarily because they wanted to ask her about something or talk to her, just because it was weird if she wasn't around me. And vice versa. We'd always laugh about that fact as we never really noticed it was happening.

In year 11, shit turned around. I really.. REALLY stopped giving a shit about other people. I went to school because I had to. I don't know why, I just didn't care anymore, and that reflected through my school work. I went from getting A's and B's to C's. C for consistently c's in everything. Except for photography where I got A's. Or Art where I got B's.

Art was insane. Petra and I sat at a table with two other girls from our group but after some time we'd cut them out by playing metal on our discmans. See? That's how old we are. Discmans. It seemed like every class we were in, from the word 'go', we'd turn on the discmans and work with metal blasting in our ears. It was obvious people just thought we were weird and antisocial but of course, we had no time for them. We were too busy enjoying the simple fruits of non-generic music which would later become "Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?". Some of the best songwritting ever, you must agree.

I guess it wasn't until Year 12 that really sealed the shitty deal for me. I mean, I knew highschool was shit, but the build up was just getting exciting. Or not. I am not exactly sure why or how this happened but somewhere along the line in year 12, I convinced myself that I was stupid and worthless. I lost total motivation in school. I couldn't sleep properly, I'd get nightmares constantly, I'd start closing myself off from other people, I wouldn't eat.. the only reason I went to school was so I could hang out with Petra.

As time when on, I got worse. And so came the conclusion that I was suffering from depression. I thought it was a joke at first. I couldn't understand how I was depressed and yet, at the same time I could. That last year seemed like nothing but a black hole for me and I often think if I didn't have Petra, I probably wouldn't be here right now telling you about these things. So you could probably say that the last year just seemed to tie off any loose ends of any doubt that I had about high school. That it was just SHIT SHIT SHIT. The only good thing ever to come out of it was Petra... and that really awesome painting I did in year 11.

So all the above shit is the exact stuff I think about when I look through year books. Sure, there were good times but they are often overshadowed by the bad times which were more frequent. Much.. much more frequent. And this is why I hate yearbooks and why I should never look through them again.

I'm back and I fucking love Perth

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 22:01:36 PST

photo's
video's

So there I was, trapped in enemy territory for a week. It didn't help that I got sick on the second day. I'm still not sure if it's attributable to the fact that I had a massive hangover, or if I was just really sick. But then I was still sick the next day, and the day after that. So I don't know what the hell was going on.

We ate a variety of take out. From chicken to burgers to fries with coca cola.. it was marvelous. Don't forget the salt and vinegar chips, malteasers, clinkers, more coca cola and a fuckload of jack daniels in between that. The only thing I consumed that was healthy was water. Oh, and sushi. But that wasn't until the third last day. Everything we ate had the colour scheme of brown or yellow. YUCK. Talk about toxic bullshit.

I knew that I was not in the mood to go to Melbourne before I went. I don't exactly know why, and I don't think I'm going to be able to pinpoint the exact reason why. Everyone I spoke to about this subject got this knowing look in their eyes and would say "Oh, is it because of your boyfriend?", like they somehow knew everything. For fucks sake. There are such things called telephones in which I can keep into contact with him if I want to or if he wants to. It's not like I'm going overseas for three months. A week is nothing. So the people who said that.. thank you. You just made my day by making me laugh every time you said it.

I guess another problem was that I was sort of in the financial shits. After the whole bullshit with my job, I lost a lot of money. About $130 bucks a week to be exact. And I kind of needed that money. I especially need it a lot more now that i have to pay my rego and insurance at the end of january. I was pissed off with my friends since they didn't seem to understand that yes, I was on holiday but I had to be responsible with my money too. They didn't have to understand and they could have been annoyed that I didn't do anything, but it's my holiday too and it's my money and I'm allowed to do whatever I want, whenever I want without feeling as though I have to do something to make everyone happy. Since that's all i feel like I've been fucking doing for the past three months.

Anyway, I don't know. I've just been a bit down lately. Feeling ganged up on.. feeling kind of lousy. I need a break and I found that going out of state wasn't going to get me the break i want.

we were all born fucked up in the head

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 20:41:23 PST

I've learnt a hell of a lot this past week. I know I finished with the Media Studies, but still, i can't help but think how much it's really fucked up my train of thought. Everything must now be analysed in conjunction with different theorists and it's driving me slightly insane. I sometimes miss my narrow minded thinking. Damn you university for opening up my mind just a little bit more.

I read a blog the other day that was called "Why men only want sex" and I found it to be quite true to some degree. It talked about how women do themselves up to be objects to men which is why all they want is sex. But somewhere in that blog, it had the "normal girl". Someone who just goes out to have fun, is intelligent and whose favourite show is NOT Sex and the City.

Let me tell you something. It's been my experience that men do not go for the "normal girl". I am the "normal girl". I like reading, I like fucking up my brain with different theories of psychology, I watch not only local news, but international news, I like talking about religion because it's a complex subject, I like Greek Tragedies. I can construct actual sentences. Fine, I like sex and the city but it's not my favourite show. Yes, I may colour my hair but I like it blonde. And yes, I may wear make up because sometimes I look a little bit messed up. And yes, sometimes I wear nice clothes because I like to look decent. I don't get dressed up for ANYBODY, especially not men. I think that's evidenced by the fact that I keep the girls covered, I always wear pants and I don't look like a hooker. I am not a piece of meat, so I don't dress that way. I may be (fake) blonde, but I am no bimbo.

I once got into a semi argument with someone at a club a while ago about how some t.v show discusses the "truth" of the news. I argued with him what exactly "truth" was. What the fuck is it? Who's truth? What's truth? Which viewpoint is the truth? But he seemed frustrated that I could actually construct sentences. His little ploy to look intelligent to me failed because he just ended up looking like a walking DICK.

It's funny when I think about it. When we're young, we're given dolls to pretend we're their mothers. We're given handbags, brushes, clips, stupid pink dresses... stupid pink EVERYTHING.. to construct us as females. From a young age, we're given things that make us an object to men. Even if some of us grow up to not want to be an object, we still know the tools to become one if we have to or want to (why the hell would we want to).

We're also taught to be completely oppressed. I always thought that I was never one to be ashamed of anything. And by that I mean, girls fart. We piss. We also shit. We do a little something special too. We fucking burp. We fucking do it, because we're also human. But it seems as though society has oppressed us somehow to become something of a sub-human. A step lower than men. I'm not allowed to piss, shit, fart, burp or bleed and in some cases, even smoke. Even though I think I don't care, I don't want a boyfriend to hear me pissing or know that I get my rags every month. I had a guy come up to me once and said "You know, you would have been perfect but you smoke and that's a fucking disgusting habit.".. only to see him smoking 5 minutes later. I never thought I would give a shit, but I do because it's been beaten into my head at a young age.

Even at high school, in the toilets, girls used to put the taps on while they peed so other chicks couldn't hear them pee. It's almost as though we are inferior to each other. What the fuck?!

Magazines like Cosmopolitan don't help either. With stories like "What he's really thinking"... even shit in magazines like Dolly and Girlfriend "Does he like you?"... I mean, fuck dude. Most of that shit isn't even true and it's all part of the "conditioning" of us as females as we reach adult hood. I don't exactly know where I get my "conditioning" from, as I don't read any of those magazines. I guess it's from t.v, or just instances from when I was younger that makes me who I am now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about deconstructing my gender completely and becoming genderless. And I don't hate men. I ain't no fucking feminist. I love men. But what I am talking about how I feel us, as females, got ripped off. Majorly ripped off.

no...really

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 20:40:49 PST

I had a semi heart attack yesterday. I went to the gym with Jamie and just before we started warming up on the treadmills, my iPod fucked up. I didn't even do anything to it, I just pressed "play" and it decided to get all gay on me and freeze.

So I spent the entire work out not only in pain (from a totally unrelated erm, 'injury') but bored out of my mind watching silent t.v screens. I tried to ease my boredom and tried to annoy Jamie, only it didn't work. Jamie does not get annoyed often and that is kind of annoying. It makes my job a lot harder, which is to annoy people.

Once upon a time, when Ben actually used to hang out with us before he got pussy whipped, Nessie and I were going to the Cott. But when we got there, it was closing. Bored out of our minds, we went to Ben's place to have a good ol' chat in the car. After a few hours, we figured Jamie would be back at her house with her uni friends having a little sleep over. I came up with the brilliant idea to drive to her house, call her and tell her to drive to Cottesloe because my car had broken down.

Cottesloe must be about a 15 minute drive from her house and who the fuck wants you to call them at like 2 in the morning to come pick them up? And while you're having a sleepover?!

So that's what we did. But you know, it should be noted that this was back in the day when i was a flawless liar. Now I'm PATHETIC. But back then.... psht.. I was fantastic. So it didn't take much to convince Jamie to come and get us. The look on her face when she saw us sitting in her driveway was fucking priceless. She even pointed out that she wasn't wearing make up, and Jamie NEVER goes without makeup for whatever reason which is beyond me.

Yeah, what the fuck was I saying? Oh yeah. The gay iPod problem. So my iPod fucked up. When it finally started working again, all of my songs were gone. Everything. This has happened before, but I didn't want it to happen before Melbourne! How the fuck am I going to entertain myself on the plane? Last time, some guy brought his laptop and was watching family guy which helped a little, even if I couldn't hear anything.

But that is kind of the least of my problems. My bigger problem is this: I'm scared I'm going to lose my balls again. But I figured this much, I only have balls when I'm single. You know, telling guys to fuck off and all that tough shit. But when I'm in a relationship, I get all cock whipped. It fucking SUCKS. I hate it. All you want to do is spend all your time with that person and you sacrifice your friends and all that shit. I really, really do not want that to happen to me.. AGAIN. I do not want to be cock whipped again. If that's all I can have for Christmas, even though I hate Jesus, is not to be cock whipped that would be so great. I think I'm gonna need Vanessie to help me out with this one.. she'll keep me in check. I don't want to become a fucking pussy again! I want to keep my metaphoric balls, even if they have to shrink a little..

they're going to take our licences away!

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 20:39:51 PST

Last night was another disappointment. Not for me, but for Vanessa. This is the second time in a row (in which I have been present) that McDonalds in Tuart Hill have shut off their ice cream machine when she wanted a shake. Was it a shake or a sundae? I can't remember now, only because I was close to sleeping/passing out.

That's just gay. How much money are they losing by shutting off the machine? I mean, I think it was broken before but last night (or this morning) it was shut off. That's just fucking stupid. I felt bad for nessie because it's all she wanted.

I also felt bad for the lady who had to mop us spilt coke on the floor in front of the counter. She mumbled something like "no one cares .." as she mopped it up.

I would be pissed off too if I was made to mop up spilt coke at close to 2 in the morning when everyone around you is just too fucking lazy to do anything. I'm well experienced in the laziness.

God damnit, it's hot today. Honestly. I didn't think it was a possibility to drown in your own sweat, but after today I think it is a possibility.

I forgot to say... last night, I got drunk .I achieved my short term goal. It's totally awesome. I can't remember a lot of things that I said, but I am sorry to Vanessa's bands replacement drummer who thought I called him gay even though his girlfriend was sitting right next to him. Look, I'm sorry. I don't think he's gay. But man.. I'm not down with guys using gel in their hair unless they have a medical condition where they absolutely must use it. It feels gross and it looks gross too. But then again, us females do a whole bunch of crazy shit too that males just don't get. I think it's funny, but then again I don't really care.

Maybe it's the construction of our sex and gender that is fucking us all up. I mean, if they were constructed differently maybe women wouldn't be spending all their time unlocking the mysteries of the male species and vice versa. VICKIE VERSA. But then, that would just be boring. Could you imagine how much free time we would have if we didn't have to spend it deciphering "messages" of the opposite sex? What would be the point of life?! What the hell would we do with all of our spare time?! GOD DAMNIT.

I'm in a spastic mood today. It may be because I didn't work today so my days just all mucked around. I went to go hang out at a friend's place today and it was totally awesome. I had no idea that he was a painter and he's fucking good too. I used to paint back in the olden days so I was down with it. It makes it a whole lot easier that he's actually good at it. Otherwise I'd be looking at horrible paintings and trying to lie how good they are which I know I cannot lie for SHIT.

Anyway, my mate was telling me about how his friends want him to join their band. Honestly... I think I might know 4 people out of about 100 that are not in a fucking band. Everyone's in a god damn band. It's like it's the cool new thing, just to be in a band. Forget awesome designer clothes, a wicked car and super cool sunglasses, it's being in a band. Everyone and their mum is in a band. It's insane. "Oh have you heard my band?!" What THE FUCK?! It's nuts. I mean, I sing but I have no desire to join a band or anything like that. I just do lessons just for shit to do, to get away from computers and what not.

If someone asks yo to join a band, JUST SAY NO.

eh..

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 02:46:40 PST

So i'm not angry anymore. I did not punch a wall.. I actually listened to myself and didn't do anything violent. Then I just spent all day yesterday really... REALLY down in the dumps. I tried everything to even fake a smile but it wasn't happening. I couldn't even get drunk last night to take the edge off. That's just lame.

Now today I just feel really weird. I still feel betrayed and I still feel fucked around, but none of you know what I'm talking about so it doesn't make a difference.

I also feel weird about the fact that I had a day off today, and I wasnt even hung over. That's just a crime. Every other time when I have to work, I'm hung over. Now I got today off, I was totally fine. I feel ripped off but I do know that I am going to get ripped tonight.

Here's to the road towards being happy, even if it has to be started off by getting a little happy with the liquor.

I'm not exactly sure why the hell everyone loves Pearl Jam, but everyone I know and their sister/brother are going to see them tonight. Pearl Jam are like U2. They've been around forever, people will still buy their albums even if they're shit. They're like cockroaches... they'll be here after we're all gone along with Keith Richards, and will continue making shitty mediocre music for their cockroach pals. I can see it now. Thank god we'll be gone.

I never listen to the radio, for obvious reasons that it's just a pile of shit. But the only time I do listen to it is at work. We have it set on the sort of 'old foggy but still hip' station. Music that would be comfortable for people who are in coma's. Every now and then, they'll play the Beatles which is cool with me. Last week they had a U2 Marathon because they were in Australia. They didn't come to Perth, so I'm not exactly sure why a Perth station was playing U2. If I was such a super fan to want to have a U2 marathon, wouldn't I be pissed that they weren't coming to Perth? So then, I WOULDN'T have an entire two hours dedicated to their shitty mediocre music? And I wouldn't have to make the rest of Perth who are forced to listen to the station suffer? It was starting to get on my nerves after the first few songs. Even my boss was getting annoyed.

Sometimes I wish I could blow up the radio.

But I don't have that kind of power.

Last night, Laila and I went out. The bands that were on consisted mostly of covers and it was FUCKING FUN as hell. Mostly because all the songs they played were a cross between songs played in pubs (like 'It's a long way to the top' and 'Smoke on the Water') along with the usual 'Enter Sandman'.. some band even played 'Paranoid' which was awesome.

One of the things Laila and I love to do is make fun of Rob Zombie.He's changed a bit now, but in his White Zombie days, the usage of "YEAH!" was a bit overused. He OVERDOSED on growling "YEAH!". I don't know how many times that man has yelled "YEAH!" in his life, but I'm sure it's some sort of record. Or at least a record for the number of times "YEAH!" has been recorded on a music CD. He'll get a freakin medal, it'll be great.

Don't get me wrong, I love the dude. His tunes are purely entertainment... if I don't know what to listen to, I'll put on a Zombie record because the songs are just classic in the way that they're so simple but they're so out there. Every now and then, in a moment of retardedness, Laila and I like to do a complete Beavis and Butthead to the tune of Thunderkiss 65 or something along the lines of that and growl:

"dun dun-dun dun dun-dun dun-dun-dun YEAH!"

Man, we're losers.

So one of these cover bands played "Thunderkiss 65" and we were having a fucking ball, putting on that Rob Zombie voice and just going nuts... we weren't even drunk. That goes to show you how lame we really are.

My dad is listening to the LOVE album for the 10th gazillionth time. I thought he'd like it. When my dad listens to CD's, he likes to take it into the living room and sit in the dark and listen to it really, really loud. Right now he's listening to "Get Back" and the bass is making the walls shake. It's starting to obstruct my listening... DAMNIT DAD!

Anyway... *raises glass*.. here is to getting drunk and happy. YEAH!

HAHAHAHAHA

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 02:47:10 PST

FUCK YOU

i am loving this

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 02:47:44 PST

When it rains, it fucking pours as they say. And for me, that's all it's been doing. Fucking raining and god damn pouring for the past two months or so. I'm not trying to be a fucking pussy and cry "woe is me", but god damnit. I spend so much time worrying about other people and fucking helping them out and doing shit for them that i can't take care of myself anymore. And I'm going to fucking rant, cos i'm god damned fucking pissed off. I'm hurt and I'm angry and I'm fucking so mad that I could punch a god damn wall and not feel a fucking thing.

I don't think I've been this angry since ... for a while at least. I've calmed down a lot compared to years ago when I was just this angry little shit pissed off at everyone for no fucking reason. Now I'm all ZEN. I'm like the god damn..... I don't know what the fuck I am. I'm glad that I'm not angry all the time. Hell, it takes quite a bit of shit to really make me mad these days. I like to chill the fuck out and not let shit bother me. But now I'm so angry that I think I might vomit. That's never a good sign.

I don't really want to get into any specifics because I know when I read this back, I'll probably think I'm fucking over-reacting. Right now I think I'm not. But sometimes I write shit and I cringe and think "Why The FUCK did I write that?! I sound like a douche."

The thing is, if I do shit wrong, I fucking want people to tell me what the fuck it is I did that was so wrong to them instead of leaving me fucking hanging. You can't take shit away from me and not tell me the fuck why and just let me go on while you continue to beat me the fuck down. I love being kicked when I'm down. Man, I must have been so down lately that I'm practically eating the fucking god damn dirt. I'm munching on it. I got fucking sand in between my fucking god damn teeth. I got fucking grass up my ass - the fucking works. Fucken hell, I may as well be god damn six feet under is how down to the ground I fucking was. Now look at me - kicked while I'm down again. I love it. I really, really love it.

I'm not exactly sure what the fuck it is about me that people love to take advantage of and fuck me around. I always thought I had a kind of "don't fuck around with me" kind of thing going. Apparently not. Apparently I am the easiest target for shit. What the fuck happened to me? I used to be a go damned bitch. I used to be a fucking asshole. Now look at me. Now I'm too fucking nice for my own good and people just love to treat me like shit. Hell, I love to treat me like shit. Seems to be the trend these days. "Hey, let's lie to Jessica, treat her like shit, fuck her around a bit, take her for a ride, piss her off, take advantage of her! It'll be totally awesome!"

The thing is, it's true. I'm a bum. I got a lot of time to do nothing. I really fucking love that. But here's another thing: the shit I was going through when I was younger... I fucking never thought I was going to live to see 21. I thought I would be dead before that, considering the circumstances. Now, I'm almost 22. I feel fucking lucky every day that I can get up in the morning, even if I feel like fucking shit. I know that I'm not fucking dead. So therefore my time is fucking precious and I don't exactly want to spend it on being messed up.

How about this: give me a fucking break. Let me be happy for at least two days in a row. Fuck, I can't even get through one day in a row of just being HAPPY. I love that word and that emotion. I love being happy. But right now, that is not a reality for me.

horror films

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 02:48:49 PST

It seems like I can never get enough of horror movies these days. That's all I seem to be watching since uni finished. Horror movies, horror movies, horror movies. I am one of the millions who started watching horror movies when I was about 4. It's probably not a good age to start watching those movies but my Dad loves them and didn't think it was a problem for me to watch them either. My favourite kinds are zombie movies (wonder why).. I fucking love zombie movies. I'm not exactly sure why. I think it may be because they're almost a social commentary and there is nothing scarier than having a dead person trying to eat your brains. I also love serial killer movies. I suppose they're the easiest to like because they're so close to real life anyway. I don't like any horror movies about werewolves (lame), vampires (lame) or aliens (really lame). I especially do not like it when horror movies revolve around some mutated subhuman like Creep. You have no idea why they're a mutant, they just are. Those kinds of movies are just pathetic.

I don't know why I decided to go through types of horror movies that I love and hate.. I suppose I'm just going into every detail of every aspect of my bum life right now.

I'm also not really a fan of psychological horror films unless they are really good and spin me out. Otherwise, I'm not interested. It takes away from the realism of the film and makes it more of a hyper reality than anything. True horror movies are the ones that seem the most realistic and don't involve stupid traps like Saw or Hostel. Those films were not horror, they were just gorefests.

So last night nessie and I went to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. I knew what to expect (a bunch of crap), but I wasn't really prepared for the volume in the cinema. I like my shit loud, that's no contest. But I cannot stand it when it is just a series of bangs which constitute for being "horror"? I find that confusing. A loud bang may make me jump out of my seat, but that's because it's loud and it's a bang (hahaha.. bang). Not because it's scary. I understand that a soundtrack to a horror film is important, but when all it relies on are bangs and searing strings, then that's just stupid. I like soundtracks like Psycho.. now that was a great soundtrack.

I swear to god it felt like I was watching the 2003 version of TCM, it was exactly the same storyline. Young couples on the road, accident, "sheriff" picks them up, horror ensures. Lame. Lame. Lame.

I loved the fact that they had the dude who played Banjo from The Devil's Rejects in it too. I was crying out "Don't kill Banjo! He's totally awesome!".. I suppose I needed a bit of on the side entertainment.

Bye bye Banjo.

If anyone is considering seeing that film, go if you're bored and you want to see some gore. Otherwise, don't expect it to be the film of 2006. Honestly, I don't even know why Michael Bay bothers. He thinks he knows what he's doing, but I watch this shit and I think I could have pulled a better film out of my ass. The entire film tried to look all cool with jump cuts and the random notes and shit like that, but it doesn't cut it. It looks too polished. It tries so hard to look scrappy but it comes across to polished in the end. That's what was "scary" about the original TCM, the documentary feel added another element to it which contributed to the horror of the story. It felt like it was real and that you were really there, wanting to kill Sally's wheelchair bound annoying brother.

I just find it funny that the main character is usually some hot chick with an idiot boyfriend or relative who you just know is going to die in the first 45 minutes anyway.

Over many years of watching "horror" movies, I have come to the conclusion that:

- assholes always die. This means the asshole boyfriend, the asshole fuckbuddy, the asshole jock dude and anyone who bullies someone who is half their size. Goodbye and thank you for playing

- people who suffer from disabilities die. This goes from wheelchair bound annoying brother characters to dudes with glasses. If a character has any disability of some kind whether physical or mental, they're going to die.

- people who are overweight or unattractive die. Because you simply cannot have someone that doesn't fit into the Hollywood standards survive.

- African Americans die. Or anyone who is obviously not American. It just goes to show you how fucking racist everyone is.

- Screamers and annoying people die. Anyone who just screams all the time and looks like they're about to lose it dies. Anyone who is just fucking annoying dies because the audience wants them too.

What I didn't like and what nessie pointed out to me, is that all these TCM remakes have chicks wearing the wrong pants. Honestly. Fire the costume designer, they're fucking wrong. The Beginning was set in 1969 right? Then why the fuck are the chicks wearing hipster jeans when these weren't around at that time? Obviously it just looks less daggy but come on.. I felt like I was watching anything that could have happened two years ago or ten years ago.
I went to the gym with Jamie this morning and man we worked up a sweat. We worked out for about 90 minutes or so and it was fucking hot this morning. As per usual, I never eat anything before I go to the gym. I probably should, but I just don't. So I was starving by the end of our workout. Jamie suggested we get cheeseburgers for lunch. We first decided against it because it just meant that we would mess up all the work we had done but then temptation gave in.

Cut to 15 minutes later and we were stuffing our faces but towards the end of my burger, I started feeling sick. We both were. We couldn't finish our fries and everything just tasted like oil. We both felt quite sick and I've only just sort of started getting over it until now.. I am never eating McDonalds AGAIN. Mark my words, McDonalds can eat my fucking ass because it's equivalent to me eating their food. ARGH. Fuck you McDonalds!

they didn't...motherfuckers!

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 02:49:59 PST

It is officially my first day of being a bum. I no longer have to go to uni anymore nor do I have any other educational obligations. It's a great feeling but now I am left with nothing to do until I can do my freelancing jobs and I'm not really down with starting on them at this very moment. I haven't touched any sort of programming for two weeks and it feels gooooood... oh yeah.

Anyway, I thought I should actually get out and do something today instead of getting drunk again and listening to the white album... again. Getting drunk is so 20th November 2006, it's so old. I'm over that shit now. I wanted to get out, go to the gym and punch the bag around a bit but I ended up having a bit of a conversation with Elissa which was awesome since I missed her a lot. Hiiii Melissaaaaa :D mwahaha.

After our super awesome converstation about spurting blood, I went down to JB Hifi. My aim was so get some fucking metal but I was in for a little nasty surprise. As I was walking up to the entrance, I spotted my friend Liam. While he went and buggered off to the rap section, I noticed that they changed everything around again. I was lost. I felt lost in my own home and that is not a good feeling. Where the hell was the metal section?

Every now and then, I kept reporting back to Liam with my exasperation. He didn't care though, he was laughing at me like I lost a battle. He walked off to find his mate and I went off to find the missing metal section. I turned around and looked at the folk, jazz and country isle. I was about to move on but something caught my eye. A little, miniscle section called "Metal". It must have been a metre long and it was completely empty. I felt like someone just smacked me across the face. I couldn't believe it. I was feeling shitty and all I wanted was some metal and not only had it been moved to a tiny section, but there was nothing there. I now know that I am not going to that JB again.

I'm currently watching sex & the city. I love this show but it's so stupid in a way. I mean, millions of women live their lives in dedication to this show. They use it as advice like "remember that time on sex and the city when Carrie saw Big at the Opera and decided she just wanted to be with Aidan?"...it's just lame. But honestly. Now I'm feeling sorry for Carrie .. and myself. This entire episode is just dictating my life right now. It's kind of scary. And it's made me wake up to a few things... damn Charlotte cracks me up!

love

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 05:08:05 PST

I finished. I finally fucking finished. How many entries have I made saying "I've finished!" and "Time to party!"?. I've been partying since the 7th and a little bit too hard than how I usually party. My idea of an awesome party is to read the dictionary and then call my friends and tell them all the new interesting words I found.

... yes. My exam was at 1:30 which gave me plenty of time to study this morning. Only I didn't. It was a flip of the coin whether I should get stoned and go to the exam to do the most outrageously "university" thing I could possibly do, or just stay sober. Well, I didn't exactly do either.

To be completely honest, I was supposed to start studying for this exam on Monday only I never did. I didn't study for it on Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday or Friday or Saturday or even yesterday. I did not study. I always planned to, it's just that doing nothing seemed like such a better option. Doing nothing and drinking. See? I party on down with myself.

That bottle of Jack Daniel's my uncle gave me lasted a week. I thought it was going to last me at least a couple of months and that I wouldn't drink it all myself. But I fucking did. I don't think I'm really proud of that. So this morning when I was very busy doing nothing, I spied the bottle of Jack Daniel's sitting there... just begging me to drink the rest of it. I tried to resist its charms, but I couldn't. I had one drink and then left it at that. I looked at the clock, there was still two hours to go til I had to leave for my exam. So I had another. Before I knew it, I was lying on the floor listening to The White Album and singing out loud so all the neighbours could hear.

For some reason, I had a desire to listen to "Just like a woman" by Bob Dylan so I listened to that until the harmonica started giving me the shits. Zeppelin did not agree with my drunken state so out with the Zeppelin. I'm not sure why, The White Album and alcohol is becoming like a smoke and a coke.. ritualistic almost. It's sad. Perhaps I should seek some help.

So I ended up doing maybe the second "hardcore university madness" deed in the book - I went to my exam drunk as an old Greek man who's wife left him. I .. don't know why i said that. Some randomness I guess. I could not write properly. I even called my tutor the wrong name. I named him Keith when his name is Ken. I'm a fucking idiot.

A few weeks ago, I heard the Love version of "While my guitar gently weeps". I fell in love with it. It sounds so much sadder than on TWA and I love the strings. It's so simple and it doesn't drown the song out like it does on "The long and winding road". Argh. I do not understand why people like that version. Anyway.. whatever.

But I am loving this Love album. It's awesome. It's almost as if you're in another universe when you're listening to it for about 80 minutes. It's amazing. George and Giles Martin did a fantastic job, I love every aspect of this album. What do I know? I've only been a Beatles fan since I was born pretty much (I'm 100% sure the first song I ever heard was "She loves you"), but my Dad has been a fan for much longer obviously. He'll be the real judge. I'd be really interested to hear what he thinks about the album.

But that's right, Dad and I can't communicate anymore without getting shitty with one another. It's kinda gay. I'm not exactly sure why, it just seems like every time my Dad opens his mouth to say something, it's always about how I did something wrong. Of course it seems to be the usual shit these days. I came home from my exam, and I had to practically wrestle my Mum so she could tell me what was going on.

I knew she was pissed at me but she was doing that "female" thing when I ask "What's wrong?" and she says "Nothing.", but still looks immensely pissed off. So I keep asking. The answer is the same. This went on for about two or three minutes. After this time, I started going mental because the whole situation was just driving me nuts. I actually had to yell at her to get something out of her. I felt bad, but at this point I didn't care. I was pretty pissed off. Plus, I knew the shit was going to hit the fan soon enough, I just brought it on quicker. So ensured three hours of screaming at each other and fighting over fucking nothing. AGAIN. I suppose I'll just have to wait until tomorrow until more shit hits the fan. Can't wait. Super excited. Yay.

I wonder what the fuck Liss is doing.. falling into rose bushes maybe?

This time in two weeks I'll be in Melbourne. I can't wait. I'm holding on to that very moment when I can be out of the fucking house and out of Perth and away from all the bullshit idiots. Of course, there are plenty of idiots in Melbourne. It's totally awesome. The male to female ratio is pretty big. It must be something like 6:1. So walking down a busy street in the Melbourne CBD is kind of scary. Especially any time after 8pm in the summer time. Thank god our hotel is close to the casino and a lot of the night clubs but still...

I'm also wondering if I am going to be tested for drugs again. Maybe I shouldn't bring the bag that I had with me last time because since that time, I've had weed in that bag. Wonder if they would pick that up, I'm not sure.

Eh, I'm going back to drifting in and out of my bum sleep.

get shitty over a dead pig why don't you

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 04:31:20 PST

I've been working in the same place for almost 7 years now. It's either starting to eat away at my sanity or it already has, I can't tell. It's insane.. I almost feel like I don't work there anymore. I guess it's because I am constantly being blamed for things. It's not the smashed pie warmer door or the spilling of water everywhere, it's just for other shit. It's driving me fucking nuts.

One thing I am really getting sick of is how picky people can be. I guess that's why I like serving males more because they don't know what the hell they're doing when they come to get cold meats. Chances are, their wives/girlfriends/whatever sent them. It's great. They'll take whatever. Women on the other hand are complete biatches. Honestly, it's like this: who cares what it looks like. It's gonna look totally different in about 12 hours anyway so who cares? That's what I figure.

Oh, and one customer asked for turkey breast and motioned to his nipples as if to illustrate the word 'breast'. That just freaked me out for a good two seconds.

I was actually in an good mood this morning dispite the hang over and the fact that I fought with my parents last night and this morning. But when I get into work, I'm 10 minutes late and it's a god damn mad house. Oops.

My good and calm mood quickly diminished when my coworker was losing it whilst trying to serve 5 people. Nothing was done and so I tried to get stuff done as quickly as possible. When she was finished, she went balls out at me for being late and then got mad because nothing was done. Which of course was my fault.

I wonder who they're going to start blaming when I leave that god damn shit hole. Honestly, it's like walking on eggshells. One moment everyone is totally awesome and like your surogate family and the next moment everyone is pissed at you and blaming shit on you... no, that pretty much sounds like a family anyway.

FUCK (my) work (place). Fuck it to hell.

a neighbour is playing Shania Twain and ...

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 00:54:41 PST

I want to kill myself. Honestly. I don't know why, but for the past few days I've been joking about how I'm going to kill myself because I'm hearing stupid music or going to a stupid club. I know that I'm only joking, but my mum heard me say it the other day when I was watching MTV (that entire channel makes me want to kill myself) and she thought I was being serious. This led to a whole argument of whether I should go to the doctor's or not.

I'm her little problem child. "The one that went wrong". Jessica Amy "you're so screwed in the head" Kay.

I think it's funny. Mum has this thing where she's on a mission to try and "fix" me. You know, like think positive and glass half full type shit. But look at me. LOOK AT ME MOTHER! It's not gonna work. I shall remain the problem child.

"The one that went wrong"

But anyway, it's honestly a joke, I tried to tell her. I was watching a South Park episode the other day, the "Butt Out" one about motivational speakers for non smoking. They're doing their whole little "Butt out!" dance / rap thing that looks like it's from the early 90's and Cartman says "i'm going to kill myself". I have taken this very saying in his very tone under my wing and am now using it freely to describe every aspect of my life at this very moment.

Ah, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. I'm just spazzed out. I got home really early in the morning. I was happy that I'd at least get something like 6 hours sleep before I went to work but nooo... a nightmare came true. I was a complete dickhead and forgot to turn my phone off last night which allowed for work to call me at quarter past seven this morning and ask me to come in an hour and 45 minutes before I was supposed to be there. A co-worker sliced her finger on the meat slicer (she did "my trick") and needed to go home. I got up and felt like falling off the bed. I was so fucking tired and recovering from the effects of the greens that I was in no mood to go to work in the 7am hour. LAME. Eventually I got my shit together and got there.

Now most people know that I love horror movies. I put them on to calm me down or make me laugh. It sounds psychotic, I know. But I mean... come on... I AM psychotic. So, moving on. The sight of blood never phases me. When I sliced the tip of my finger off, it was pissing with blood and I didn't feel sick at all. However, I looked at the bin full of bloodied tissues and blood all around it and almost hurled. Honestly, it was fucking disgusting. It looked like she spun around in circles and just let it splatter everywhere. She said she cleaned it up, but I think she did a lousy job. There was blood on the taps, blood in the sink, blood on the benches, blood on the floor. Every now and then I would see blood while I was working and have to take a moment to calm my stomach. I have no explanation why I was so grossed out, it may have been because I was tired or just being a complete girl. It's a mystery that will never be solved.

So here I am a sleep deprived problem child and feeling like shit (as I have been for the past i-don't-know-how-many-weeks-i've-lost-count) and listening to the gay music coming from the neighbours. It may be time for a little something called Fear Factory and turning up your very own stereo to drown out the gayness.

eaten alive and other usual daily antics

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 00:54:18 PST

I'm chilling out and watching Tobe Hooper's "Eaten Alive". I probably should be studying but I need a bit of a break. Plus I'm just feeling lousy all around so I needed a bit of horror lameness for a good 89 minutes.

I love these 70s horror movies, especially the rural ones. They're just classic. I mean, they're all out in the middle of no where, there's enough sand to make the deserts in Western Australia look like a little sand pit, country music all around and chicks who's scream can make you deaf for 3 hours. That's why I love Marilyn Burns. She is the classic screamer. If I ever wanted to be a screamer, I would want to scream like her. She does it so well. In fact, she's the reason why Texas Chainsaw Massacre is such a comedy for me. Her continuous screaming makes me laugh. I remember I was watching it once whilst just coming out of a drinking came and I was quite intoxicated. What I suppose was worse, was that I was still drinking. We all were, long after the drinking game was over. During the scene where Ms Burns is running and screaming through a bush (haha... I said Bush.), I was mid skull and spit my drink out everywhere.

Staying classy, as always.

I watched some really weird movie last night 'A Dirty Shame'. Insane movie. Everyone becomes sex addicts after being hit on the head. What followed was just madness. Selma Blair had basketballs for boobs, Chris Isaak was in it.. madness, see? Johnny Knoxville was in it to. I do not find him attractive at all, but for some reason he was fine in this movie. It was probably the way his character burst through the door at a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and exclaimed "Let's go SEXING!". Bah! Love it.

I'm thinking that is going to be a new adopted phrase, along with "Keep cool my babies". I can see it now. All ready to go out and party and one of us burts through the door and yells; "Let's go SEXING!".

There's that country music again... and the little girl caught under the house (still watching "Eaten Alive") is Paris Hilton's aunt... why the hell did I need a close up of a nipple? I got my own. Oh my god! It's that guy that plays Freddy Kruger! Shit.. this movie is some spacked out shit.

Monday... 4:05... or possibly earlier, that's when it is all over. Please.. please be over. No more uni .. PERIOD. No more writing gay essays about feminity, gender, ideologies and all that other shit. No more having tutors who just read off their notes and consider that 'teaching'.

I'm not so worried about this exam, simply because I've actually passed the unit already so I don't really need to try that hard. I'm actually thinking I might just leave early after about an hour or so and go and party. Tuesday night? Party. Wednesday Night? Party. (Oooh Buck's gonna die... still watching the movie..) Where was I... oh yeah. Thursday night? Party. Friday Night? Party. Saturday Night? Party. Sunday Night? Party. Rinse and repeat for three months. It's gonna be awesome. Super bad ass awesome.

I was paid on Wednesday for a website job that I did so I decided that JB Hifi needed some of my (Buck's DEAD!) money. So Nessie and I (Buck's not fucking anymore!) went on dowm and I gave myself $100 bucks to spend. Now, two years ago this would have been no (why do chicks always have to run through a bush?) problem, but yesterday it was a huge problem. Not that I was overspending or anything, it was (.. and fall down when the killer is right behind them?! Lame) hard to try and make that limit. I was there for about 30 minutes when I only had $50 bucks of stuff. That's just sad. I am very, VERY saddened by that fact. But just before we left, I found a couple of horror movies for 10 bucks each so that bumped up the total but still.. it was a lame effort by yours truly (ooh now she's gonna find her dead dad!!).

It's that time again.. for saying bye! Until next time, stay classy and go sexing!

the aftermath

missjkay@gmail.com (The Pee & Jay Show) — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 00:53:07 PST

There are no photo's to document the madness. I'm glad in a way, because if there were photo's, I am sure I would have my eyes half closed in all of them. I'm not down with the good old 'eyes half closed' trick dominating my photo's.

So last night was my pre-22nd party. Everyone I spoke to found the idea hilarious for some reason but the thing is, people actually came. It was sweet. What was not sweet was that Jamie had to work behind the bar after a period of time of being there. That really sucked, but we got free drinks and I'm not sure how many cowboys I had. But my brain.. oh my brain.

Then there was 'curly' as my friends are calling him, who was apparently 'all over me'. I'm not exactly sure what the difference is between 'all over me' and 'trying to talk to someone when the music is really loud' but i'm guessing it's distance. To me, we were just trying to talk over the music. To my friends it was 'Oh my god Jessica! He was ALL OVER YOU! Oh.. MY... GOD.'.

I'm laughing just thinking about it. I'm laughing even more that each of them, one by one had to come and tell me that. Classic. Put it this way.. add another tally to my hoe board.

And Vanezia... that girl know's how to fucken party! Yeah son!!

I guess the thing is, I know I had an awesome time because I can't remember what the fuck happened. I was too shitfaced to remember a lot of things. Although, I can remember Mahalia falling down at the end of the night and trying to convince me she wasn't drunk before hand. We actually made the bouncer get her out of the club because she was making out with some guy and wouldn't leave. . Awethome.

Now I'm not sure if I'm still drunk. Probably.