Val-de-ri-Val-de-ra

2016 #1

2016-06-28T23:49:00.001+08:00

Hello.

Hi.

Howdy.

It's June of 2016 and this is my very first post for this year. Do forgive me. I do miss blogging. I really really do but I can't find suitable time to sit down and to actually fathom my super duper mixed thoughts lately into words, and to be able to type it down during my leisure time.

Just an instant update anyway that life is doing pretty good currently. I do believe and keeping firm faith in God that He is planning something else for me, thus everything that has happened was yes for a reason. People come and go, but yes it was all meant to teach me perhaps a lesson about life.

And my current jam (read; school doing) is just to have my year 6 kids be prepared for their UPSR examination and to make sure that they are ready to enter new phase of their life, soon (secondary school).

Until next write up, gotta go for now!

Goodnight.

define LIAR

2015-07-29T23:19:00.001+08:00

Never ever give someone so much hope when in the end of the day you simply choose to take the other junction just because you are afraid of the risks awaiting. I doubt it so. You can commit on love but you can't commit for greater commitment awaits. What is more than a LIAR here?

P/S: Victim does not need to be entertained with saving-yourself-statements. It really is crystal clear now.

living the pain #2

2015-07-12T19:43:00.001+08:00

It hurts so bad.

It really is.

I cant see any point of holding onto something which is unrealistic and almost gone with the wind.

It was the hardest decision ever, letting go.

As time goes by, let us just hope that it will mend everything, the wounds and the scars that hidden well from the world that they only see smile and happiness outside.

Deeply agonized.

living the pain #1

2015-07-08T15:43:00.002+08:00

In this life, you cannot get everything that you are truly wishing for no matter how outstanding your draft was or how detailed your previous planning was. It all can gone in the blink of your eyes, carried away by the wind to different places of this world. Yes, it really is frustrating and painful, knowing that it was not part of your original plan. You feel somehow disgusted with all the words that once been uttered, and all the memories that once you have lived, ended up in shattered dreams of yours. No words can actually describe your truest emotions, feelings at the moment. People can change for many various reasons and we have and are forced to accept this cruel fact. Well, I was once too. Perhaps karma is on me, and I am yet to accept everything naturally. TIME will heal it all, they say. I partially guessing so.

deeply agonized

2014-10-23T19:46:00.001+08:00

Nothing much had changed since then. One after another. Why do we have to face so much obstructions in this life? Why can't we live a life like others out there?

caffeinated

2014-10-21T22:12:00.005+08:00

Don't be too happy over something temporary, uncertain because in the end of all these, God's plan is way better than our dreams.

P/S: Now I get the point. Never thought I am so burdensome for some people to handle with. Regretting, saddened, perplexed, confused, disappointed with my self, high, etc, so forth and so on.

human

2014-10-21T20:54:00.001+08:00

We can't always get what we want; human. Therefore, accept the reality instead of being disappointed everytime when it happens.

street poet-er.

2014-10-19T13:40:00.000+08:00

When things are not going their way, they give up, like easily.

Roles are exchanged.

Now, I am the doer and you're the victim.

Like always.

You say you are tired.

But you have no idea how tired am I.

If symptom persists, opt for reconsideration.

sometimes

2014-09-08T15:40:00.001+08:00

Sometimes all that we could do is just to pretend that we are all okay :)

swim or sink, i opt for life jacket.

2014-09-04T15:26:00.000+08:00

Hello September!

Gotta admit that past few months were indescribable, which might also mean that no words can define it, at all. Too much for a final year, yet it's all about to end soon, very soon. I just gonna need to hold on, just for a little while. Too many unexpected things happened recently and not all are happy events, and not all are sad, bad events. Early of July, first week of my internship programme, I received a news that totally devastated me in and out. I was lost, in great despair and my whole world collapsed. Maybe it was just a dream, I comforted myself. Hell no, I pinched my arms and it felt so painful. The pain was real, and yes I was in the unexpected situation ever. My mom was admitted to hospital for sudden pass out and the message relayed from afar. I skipped my internship, rushed back to hospital, accompanying mom day and night. I knew she was there, listening towards everything that we whispered to her ear. She was diagnosed with brain aneurysm, and yes it was an alien thing for me. As far that what I have understood, blood vessels ruptured and causing bleeding into the brain. It caused by many possible factors and long term migraine is one of it. For further educational, informative reading, click here. I must say that my mom is so strong that she endured two operations, despite the odds. We were truly thankful for the endless supports and prayers from all those who brought our mom's name in their daily prayer. At present, my mom is able to walk yet slowly, able to eat by herself and able to speak. I thanked God for letting her to stay with us, all over again. The recovery process takes time, yet we know that our Mom is a strong woman, and she will get through this with her strong will and determination, and with us at her side. Well, actually the day after mom was admitted to the hospital in coma, we received another beautiful niece, truly a blessing for all of us. Now, I am more stable and able to lift my face up to survive each day as I know, my mom is doing well too. And none of any things in this world can replace this happiness for me, it truly is priceless. Tough and hard time nurture patience, and I am so blessed with strong supportive family and relatives.

Kuching waterfront, night time :)

Looking life in the other greener side, recently, me and my another seven colleagues attended an international Asia TEFL and MELTA conferences which concerning the teaching of English Language. It was an eye-opening experience for me, able to interact with foreigners from all around the globe, India, Philippine, Japan, Korea, Australia, Hawaii, US, and many more. Totally worth it all, time money and energy which been invested and hoping to be able to attend this event annually perhaps, to improve myself as a better ESL teacher and to expand my knowledge beyond the globe. As for right now, I am totally a walking zombie and trust me, I am not making up a story. As usual, due dates are all packaged in one week, and you have no choice but to accept the beautiful package, find myself breathless and almost drown in the sea, hardly swimming together with the sharks, catching up with all those f-ing due dates. Oops. Censored term. We are also about to present our action research paper in early coming October, and to be noted that SPP interview might intervene somewhere in the dates before the paper presentation, too, maybe three, maybe four. I smell madness. I am actually living with a simple life principle which is to be positive, like always. I am not too sure if either I am being positive right now, or have I just disregard my own living principle. HAHA.

I'm going too much now, I guess and it's better for me to give an end for today's post after how many months which I ignored behind. Well, thanks for still visiting my blog and to read my long wordy post, all that I have kept for the past few months, actually. Lol, like seriously. And have a nice day people, and yes I must say this to always appreciate people around us, never take them for granted because you will never know if yesterday was the last chance of you seeing them. I felt it, temporarily and it killed me inside out and I don't wanna feel the same inevitable feeling, again and I am being serious. And to you out there, thanks for every little thing that you did, turned all my gloomy days into brighter days :)

Till then, bye!

CARRY ON.

2014-05-21T08:48:00.002+08:00

After all those struggles and hardships, this semester finally is about to reach its end. Will be away from the campus for about a month, heavenly holiday! :D and actually, the toughest paper is yet to be here on Thursday. I am just (truly) hoping that at least there is something that I could write, and not leaving it all in blank slate. Final semester is coming too, and I hardly can believe that this day would come, 8th semester. So much memories to be left behind; everything that starts would eventually end. Ironically, the ending for us here in this campus is just a beginning for us trainees of January 2011 Intake to start our real life, facing the reality as a grown and working individual. Yet to be there though.

P/S: Dear TSL 3113, please be good would ya?

Faith, Hope and Believe.

2014-05-12T16:38:00.000+08:00

vague road ahead. (C) jesskofield

Up to this day, I am still unsure about some decisive actions that I have taken in surviving this life. Yet, I am sure that this is how I want it to be because I can't live the old vanishing memories. I see myself as a fragile and fraile individual who owns weaknesses here and there and to be true, none of us is perfect. That's a fact. A dark, heavy and entangling thought has finally gone and it is quite a relief in surviving the days ahead. Above everything that I have done up to this day, I am apologising from deep down of my heart sincerely and truthfully that to some extent I might have hurt innocent souls. I am sorry. For real. Everything just ain't the same no more. Yet, world is always here to judge every little actions or decisions that I am about to take in future. It all matters because world is always looking at us, judging everything like they know it all well. Who are we to judge strangers? We are no body. Future is there but I could not see it all. The road ahead seems to be vague and doubtful for a weak individual just like me. I am not sure if I have enough courage to walk the dark road until I reach its beautiful destination, as what others told me. Once a decision is made, there is none option left but to live the decision until the day I would be able to smile and to tell the whole world that I am doing fine, despite everything that I have gone through.

Keep on believing that it all will be just fine, in the end. It shall be okay. Have faith in whatever you are hoping and believing to.

P/S: Have a good day, readers. Sorry for the long lost. Final year requires lot and lot of commitments.

dark and vague

2014-04-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

it's very hard to keep when you do not have enough courage to let it all out. i'm in despair, great despair. past few years have gone together with the wind. throughout that past moments, i just can't foresee my future, our future that we always dream of together. i always feel like not having enough from you. it might be just me. i do not know. all these years, ups and downs together. i just do not know. at some point, i really feel like giving up. i gave up, i did. you somehow noticed it all, after all these years that i longed for you to really look at me and to reassure it to me that we are all okay, we are fine here. but you did not. i lost you within that past memories. you turned to me again as that missing piece from the puzzle that we keep and try to complete all these while. and yet it feels like you come back as another piece which do not fit in our puzzle. i'm in a great shock too. trust me. do trust me. a dark and vague road it is that i must have traveled all these while because i can't remember and recall things clearly. i have lost myself. i just wanna tell you that up to this point i am still trying to be the old me. i am trying, i really tried. i forced myself to complete the incomplete puzzle, i did. i told myself that this is what i wished for all these while, i did tell. but i just can't see and tell how it is going. i am so sorry. and it's more than words. i'm in great dilemma now. i wish to go back in time. to re-travel the road again that i have taken past few years and to make up my mind clearly. we are only human. we can plan, but He has greater plan for all of us. i still holding into us now but i seemed to have lost most of my grip. reaching end of a road that requires us to choose wisely which junction should we take is really suffocating. i just do not know how to let it all out. i just do not know...... just trust me, i did try. i really did. i did.

final year, finally :)

2014-01-14T12:24:00.001+08:00

Stepping into final year means every little thing for us. It also give kind of awareness for us in making sure that every moment counts. More memories, more quality time, and yeah more pictures!

So called as gathering + dinner to welcome our final year and to celebrate our coursemate's birthday in advance, Alicia and KJ! :)

Venue: Grace Point, Sembulan

cake is a must, for us. (paid by class fund. haha)

cam-whoring like the place is ours. haha (pic credit: sharon)

16 of us, one was absent :) (pic credit: wawa)

P/S: Grace Point is a food court where there is quite a selection to be made from, like internationally be it korean food, thai food, indian food, indonesian food, sabah ethnic food and many more. I started with Indian food as the appetizer and went into main course with Korean food. While the dessert was our tiramisu choc-coffee cake (FOC) ;D

So yesterday.

2014-01-07T12:13:00.001+08:00

2009.
It feels like so yesterday that I stepped into this teacher's training institute.
2010.
It feels like so yesterday that I counted days left for the foundation course.
2011.
It feels like so yesterday that we got into the degree course after completing the fundamental foundation in becoming a teacher.
2012.
It feels like so yesterday that I felt burdened with 5 subjects in examination.
2013.
It feels like so yesterday that I was teaching for real, teaching practice 1 month and 2 months.
2014.
It feels like so yesterday that all these occurrence happened. Past 4 years feel so yesterday and I just could not believe how time flies.
Final year, second last final semester and degree course is almost reaching the end line.
Do not sprint, just walk and enjoy the distances left to reach the finishing line.
2014.
A year that truly will challenge 'the me' after 4 years of being here.
Final year means every little thing about commitment, responsibilities and being patient along the way in giving an end to all these.

Wish me luck for this, especially with the coming action research task.

May everything goes well and let's just enjoy this final year so that I would not regret nothing in future.

Nothing but just memories that would not turn gray even if our hair do.

Till then, have a nice day people! ^__^

#1 of 2014

2014-01-02T16:52:00.002+08:00

I guess it is not too late for me to wish everyone:

a very Happy New Year 2014!

Blessed days ahead,

and let just make every moment counts because we would never know which day is going to be our last day on this world.

May all your wishes are going to be true and get accomplished.

And let us together make this world a better place to be lived in.

Every action counts, neither how big it is or how small it is.

Jesskofield

________.

2013-11-06T20:56:00.002+08:00

~~I never get to understand all these, I'll never be.~~

Keep my faith firm that one day I will get to understand Your plan, the path that You have paved for me, for us.

I believe every little thing do happen for a reason.

Sincerely,

Deeply agonized individual.

Food snapshots_Z

2013-10-30T02:19:00.001+08:00

Sirloin steak with black pepper sauce, Upperstar Suria KK

Black bean meehoon chicken, CFL Tuaran

Mocha cake two ways, Le Safran KK

Ulam with budu dip, Home sweet Home

Teh tarik aisss, Medan Selera Tuaran

Chicken chop special, MJ Tuaran

Tuhau pickles with chilli, Home sweet Home

Kimchi soup with tuna, Korean BBQCity

PG18: Food posts overloaded. Not suitable for fun-viewing. #haha

Z_snapshots.jpg(s)

2013-10-29T21:09:00.000+08:00

Random snapshots from my Z.

#raw #nofilter

one of my favorite dish: kangkung with belacan!

morning from Kent! ;D

taken while got jammed at Sepanggar's traffic light

heavenly edible foam XD

Kent's signature: flowers everywhere

red evening sky.

velvet macaroon.

my first bob hair.
#already being rotated but still turned out just like this -_-

needs to be extra careful while handling knives in kitchen
#already being rotated but still turned out just like this -_-

i did not know what attracted him at the outside. such a deep gaze.
#already being rotated but still turned out just like this -_-

the senior miaow at the house. haha
#already being rotated but still turned out just like this -_-

P/S: Erm.....I do want to ~~take~~ attempt pictures underwater, but soon when I have that courage to do so XD By the way, wish me the best for my coming exam this Thursday! Till then, have a great day people =)

The Black Ants and The Elephants :)

2013-10-18T23:18:00.001+08:00

A small troop of black ants are marching ahead to make their living every single day. Uneasy and threatened pathetic elephants run around crazily finding ways to annihilate the whole population of this black ants. The fact is that this round globe never belongs solely to the elephants. THE END.

P/S: That day would come when you have to swallow that spitted spits of yours :)

Good morning, Miss!

2013-10-05T15:52:00.001+08:00

So, we have come to the end for our second phase of teaching practice. Actually it has ended in mid of September but now then I can spare some time in blogging and doing random blogwalking. So much too say, yet less words to describe it all. I miss to teach and being part of the school community somehow. Maybe being too used to school routine makes me too lazy to get my a** back in here. HAHA. I am joking. So called as learning process a.k.a trainee teacher and there is many more to learn because I come to realise that I am actually lacking with many vital skills that an English teacher ought to have to. The most important thing is that to let our pupils to get inspired! It's pretty hard tho to be someone who can influence and inspire others and this is what I need to work on throughout the remaining semesters. Going back to my trainee's life, there are many occurrences and events going on right now. We got to meet with Deputy of Prime Minister recently (Minister of Education), finally our first TESL in conjunction play 'A Midsummer Night Dream' has been staged, October is here, currently working on with pending assignments and many more. Final exam is coming too, and that would be that wrap up for this 6th semester. Gettin older in terms of seniority, and about to finish the whole programme in pursuing Bachelor of Teaching. I guess that is all that I can share for now, till we meet again :)

Happy reading, and have a great weekend y'all! ^___^

My dearest Year 5 Cekap

What we left behind at SK Tobobon. *An English corner painted in our favorite color and customised with much love and passion :P

With geng karas of our baby TESL junior - bonding time!

I am so gonna miss you all kids :') Peace yo!

Hello August!

2013-08-19T21:37:00.001+08:00

Currently serving two months of teaching practice at SK Tobobon, Kota Kinabalu. 5 weeks past, inclusive of 2 weeks of Raya holiday. Another five weeks queuing on the line, waiting to be finished. Soon, real soon. There were a lot of events happened and happening recently and currently. I have got a new niece, and yeah she brings the light into us. At least we have her to console our hectic days. And my sister was recently married to my brother in law. Wish them the best, and happily ever after. I can't wait for the next nephew or niece maybe? HAHA. More events and activities and due dates are waiting outside the line. Hectic month, and might be continued until the last day of this 6th semester. Till then, wish me safe throughout this hectic and strangling journeys. Adioss and see u in the next entry! Have a good day fellas :D

UNSPOKEN-ABLE.

2013-07-05T21:03:00.003+08:00

While writing this post, I had actually abandoned few drafts days and hours ago. That I was about to share my thought but I could not really finish my words. Unspoken-able, I called it. I do not know if such word exists in dictionary. (Ignore it). Things were not going well these past few days. And undesirable news keep coming on to my ears. Do you know that feeling where mosquitoes keep on buzzing annonyingly on your ears? Yah, that is how it feels like. My soul was totally drained today that the moment I reached my room right when the class has ended, I felt asleep like a baby, deeply. The world shut down, fusing into the reviving mode.

Fasting month is about to be here. The 2 months teaching practice is about to be here too. A bit challenging this time around, but hey the world is not going to end right. So, we just take things positively and turn it out into something beneficial. #self-motivation. Sagittarius can't go wrong with life. HAHA. Bring it on, to max we will push ourself! (^_____^)

Finally, I am able to finish up what I have started as typed above. Well done. No more abandoning draft posts. Fuhhh. That is all for now, gotta see you again in the next thoughts of mine. Have a great weekend!

#I hate the fact that we have class to be replaced tomorrow.

#selfmotivation #ilovecuttingoutnewspaperheadlines

THOUGHTS OVER THE CLOUDS.

2013-07-01T22:47:00.003+08:00

People say it's okay to have a BIG dream
(only IF we are willing to work on it, to make things happened for real)

Who does not love going places, I bet that.

And that's what I'm dreaming of all the time. I just love reading other's experiences on traveling, and to watch documentaries on digging out awesome and great places around the globe. Enjoying breathtaking views, exploring the past-present architectural structures, meeting people from different background and of course to taste the wonderful foods all around the world. I may sound a bit daydreaming right now, but someday I will make it real. #fingercrossed

I did backpack but yeap the latitude and the coordinate were still in our beloved country. Someday, I will reach those places that really brought my thoughts far away from the reality.

#If you were to be me, where is the place on this earth that you are dying to go for? :)

#gambar hiasan - taken at Cameron Highlands, 2012.

P/S: Among those places that I wanna step on someday: Top 100 Places To Visit Before U Die

MAKEOVER.

2013-06-27T22:27:00.002+08:00

Oh hey, I have changed the layout again. (Bored to max, nothing to be done at the moment. Awal sem la katakan. Hehe) That I love this new look, but but I found few few problems that I myself could not fix it. The first one was regarding the pages as above, just next to Home button up there. Those buttons are not functioning and I do not know how to get rid of it (not an expert in editing HTML, CSS you name it) and I also do not know how to make it works. *Sigh* And that the only disturbing problem actually. If anyone of you out there do know how to fix this, do let me know will ya? T__T

Blogwalking's finding today:

1) I happened to read his post this morning, Arms and kinda excited to do the same too. He called it '3 Secs Everyday'. I see the perk in doing it, that we will have something from the past to be brought in the future later on :) So, what do we say? "Challenge accepted" LOL.

2) It's good to always encouraging each other towards something beneficial. Here we go, the Readers Nation Movement! Grab a book, and starts reading it. Online reading will do too, generation nowadays (including me).

It feels like ages that I wandering around blogging stuffs. That we are reaching the remaining semesters in pursuing the scroll, and a lot need to be done. I mean really a looootttttt. Perseverance is greatly needed, sanity needs to be constantly maintained.

Just do it, like there's no one watching! XD

Then, till we meet again. Have a great day y'all! Happy blogging :)