Jessica Nan

Tool Bag Safari.

2012-02-08T01:43:00.000-07:00

Well.. it happened. An awkward social interaction worthy of blogging. I found him. King of the Jungle known only to Provo as the Tool Bag.

I have some rules about the gym.. .A. I'm not cute when I work out.. very intense looking..
B. Don't hit on me unless I'm walking to my car, or at the drinking fountain.

Remember my advice on how to spot a tool bag? Thumb ring, Faux Hawk. All you need to know. This time however, I will raise your thumb ring, faux hawk, with a coordinating neon Nike outfit, annnnnnnd a sweat band.

Now would be a good time to mention he was the size of my calf and I was probably (most definitely) leg pressing his body weight on Thanksgiving.

Jessica : Maxxing out at 210lbs, breathing something similar to labor, red face, hot mess. Sees King Tool Bag saunter up to the machine.

Are you peacocking right now?

Oh no, Oh no, Oh no.. please don't talk to me, I'm completely incapable of being nice to you right now.. don't do it!

King Tool Bag: So... is that hard?

Jessica: hardly breathing.. uhm yeah? (Get out now Jess.. GET OUT NOW) So I finish my reps and get off the machine.

King Tool Bag: Ehh I bet I could do that..

Jessica: PELIGRO PELIGRO WARNING WARNING WARNING... PLEEEEEEEASE DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF... Smiles instead. (8 thousand lady like points)

King Tool Bag: pushes the platform halfway up before it COMPLETELY chicken wings the over confident King of the Jungle. *squished.*

So much so that one of the Gold's Gym employees has to peel him out of the machine..

But, does our King of the Jungle give up?

no. he doesn't. awesome.

I've since moved on to a lateral pull down.

King Tool Bag: I bet I could do that..

Lifts him straight off the bench like he's Superman... at least he finally got some use out of the tacky sweatband?

WHY?! Go home cowboy.. this is so not happening, I hadn't even laughed at him yet, I was trying so hard. Apparently he didn't remember the previous events because he had the gall ( 3 points for using gall) to still ask for my number..

It's a jungle out there ladies.. it's a serious jungle, may your future husband not have to borrow your pepper spray to protect your future home.

xoxo

Jessica Nan

Tasty Tuesday

2012-01-31T22:26:00.000-07:00

I threw my big sister a royal baby shower this weekend.. which is a coming post, I just wanted to give my darling sister dibs on the pictures first. I will however share my favorite recipe from the party.

So, the guest list *started* at 40.. and well it just got bigger in true McGuire fashion. Who's complaining ? ;) I decided soup would be the easiest to feed the masses, and I decided on an Italian Sausage Tortellini Soup. I found a recipe on Epicurious and bought everything for a double batch. Turns out you should check the yield before you decide on a recipe. Turns out the recipe I picked had a yield of 6 servings. .Ah Whoopsie. Clock is ticking so I decided to wing it.. and it actually paid off. Everyone seemed to enjoy it!

Jessica's Italian Sausage Tortellini Soup

Beef Stock/Beef Bouillon - 7cups
Zucchini - Two Large, about a pound
Hot House Tomatoes - Two cups, diced ( man up ladies, dice them yourself.. it'll pay off promise. )
Garlic - Two Full Cloves (diced)
Yellow Onion - One Large
Sweet Italian Sausage - One Pound
Tortellini - 12oz ( I used Cheese Tortellini, uncooked.)
Parsley
Oregano
S&P - To Taste

I made my own beef broth with Better than Bouillon paste. Bring to a simmer in a large stock pot. In a large frying pan remove the sausage from the casings. Brown until your kitchen smells delectable. Pour sausage into a separate bowl keeping grease in the pan. Dice your garlic and onion.Saute in sausage drippings. You want to cook them until the onions become translucent. Add your tomatoes and turn the heat down. Slice your zucchini into thin rounds. Add to stock pot of broth. Add garlic, onion, tomato and sausage to large stock pot. Add parsley and oregano.. I like a lot. Personal preference here. Simmer for two hours. The purpose of simmering, is to give the flavors time to really come out. This part of the soup can be made up to two days in advance.

If you make it in advance, heat it back up to a simmer and add the tortellini. Cook pasta until al dente.

Add fresh Parmesan cheese on top if you want.

Enjoy!

I forgot to take a picture.. but this is almost identical.

credit

xoxo

Jessica Nan

P is for Paleo, F is for Fatty Fatty McFat Pants.

2012-01-29T16:44:00.001-07:00

I love you enough to use Sesame Street references.. We're officially there this week. Did you honestly think that we were going to start a new year without a get healthy post? Who are you? I mean its all fine and dandy to celebrate the holidays by shoveling (food not snow silly), but then you get to the middle of January and realize your fat jeans are now your good butt jeans you have to make a game plan. In my house we support the jeans switch for about one night out, until you realize that you look ridiculous, and those jeans are meant for pulling weeds and repainting the kitchen.

Step one.. find your motivational picture(s) :

Step two: Make a game plan.

So I decided to attempt eating Paleo. Eating Paleo means no sugar, no dairy, no wheat. Basically Pastry Chef rehab.. I did it well, and enjoyed it for two weeks. Until the other baker walked out on me at work and I spent 16 1/2 hours at the bakery.. crumbled with some well deserved Del Taco. The problem I found with Paleo is if I didn't have all my meals/snacks planned out well in advance I would hit a wall and an not know how to satisfy a craving or even hunger really. I'm still eating about 75% paleo. Not eating white based foods and zero sugar is really important and I feel much better without it. I just need a better balance. When I was 10.. yes 10, I went to weight watchers with my mother. That currently is my game plan, a little more flexibility but still have a plan. Because.. this.is.the.goal.

I'm going to jump the wake this summer.

Also, I promise I've got 3-4more blogs for you, coming soon. Unfortunately things have been royally busy. Before last night I was running on about 6-8 hours of sleep collectively over a 3 day span. Today is filled with naps, knitting, and my own little HP marathon.

Love always,

Jessica Nan

Did you know the world's ending this year?

2012-01-16T16:15:00.002-07:00

I suggest you make some good goals then. I feel like I am becoming a bad blogger, or maybe I'm just more emotionally stable? I really hope it's the latter, because I love blogging. I'm desperately trying to get caught up, but my attempts at that mostly involve having a nap and looking at my laptop.

Every year it's tradition in my traditional family to make goal posters. We talk about family goals and personal goals during family night and then cut out pictures from magazines. I've done this as long as I can remember. One year I wrote on my goal chart Such and Such year is my year to : and then I filled in my goals. I've changed it a little bit now. You get to pick three words, 2012 is your year to ________ ______ _______.

My three word-ers

Be Financially Stable
Jump the wake
Speak kindly often

Big Girl Goals.

Get into the ***'s. <-- Its a weight loss goal, I'm currently Paleo = Pastry Chef Rehab.. but that post's coming later.
Study Preach My Gospel. Preach my Gospel is a Church manual that the missionaries of my church use to spread the gospel. Scripture Study is not one of my strong points, and I want to change that.
Clean Mouth. - Not my proudest flaw, but I have a tendency to be sarcastic and crass.
Turn off all electronics 1 hour before bed. Otherwise I Pinterest allllllllll night long.
Get into School.
4.0 G.P.A.
Work on my long distance relationships. I'm horrible at this.
Be early. I'm a punctual person, but I could be better.
Finish Baking notebooks. Don't worry I'm not putting them in the oven. I've saved all my notes from Culinary school and need to put them in binders.
Number TEN! : Sleep MORE. No more work three days straight, sleep for three hours, finally crash and sleep 16. No good pal.

Alrighty readers. Let's hear it. One three worder and one big girl(manly man) goal !

xoxo

Jessica Nan

Christmas Part II

2012-01-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

It's January 8th... and I'm just barely blogging about my Christmas, blogging jail for sure! I was really blessed with work this year and was able to go home for EIGHT count 'em EIGHT days this year. In the past I've always been cutting holidays short for basketball practice so it was nice to be able to celebrate unrushed time as a family. With family members in three states and expanding quickly, it's truly a blessing to have time together!

All of my roommates had already left for home, and I had to close Monday night before Christmas weekend. I was so excited to be home and was all packed up before I even went to work, I got home around 11:30 and put some things in the car and went to bed. Around 2:15 I woke up and felt like I should finish packing my car. I was feeling weird about being in the house by myself for such a long period of time anyway. I went to put my suitcase in the car and our neighbors, which I haven't met before started to cross their lawn.. one wearing a headlamp and gun. Like a shotgun. I didn't know if it was a paintball gun or an air soft rifle or something real, but I got really scared. They asked me if I was okay, because they had just run-off someone in the basement and they were going to find him.. Rambo style apparently. This was all I needed to go into full alarm mode.. I asked the two guys to wait downstairs in my house while I grabbed the rest of my things. I threw it all in the car, locked up the house and LEFT. I texted all my roommates and took off for Arizona. All I wanted was to be home with my family. One of my roommates convinced me to call the police, and they did go and check out our neighborhood. Since I hadn't met these two guys before I couldn't confirm that they did live next to me, which made me more worried, although they said they would let me know if there was something was wrong and never called, so I feel better.

This was our last Christmas together for awhile, we have two Missionaries back to back! We took family pictures on Christmas Eve.

I take family pictures seriously .. :)

Christmas fell on a Sunday this year, and we had church at 9am. My 85% of my highly talented musical family were singing in the service so we decided to wait until after church to open presents. Typically we wake up around 5:30 - 6 ! It was such a beautiful morning, it was so wonderful to have a morning where we refocused on the true meaning of Christmas.

This was our solution, post Church we got back in our jammies to have Christmas Morning..

So I awesomely forgot to pack my Christmas jammies, and unfortunately only packed this killer onesie as a joke.. neato.

Seeing Christmas :)

I walked into the family room and saw my "Santa Present", it was the most beautiful large square box I had ever seen. On top was a can of buttercup yellow spray paint. I knew exactly what was in the box and started crying. My Kitchenaid. I've always wanted a buttercup yellow kitchenaid, but the industrial model doesn't come in buttercup, Santa outdid himself and bought the industrial model. I absolutely started to cry when I saw the box. It was just a moment where finances weren't hanging over my head, I'm not a poor college kid trying to figure it out, and she was mine. Finally. (Sappy Mixer Post? you betcha).

My awesome brother in law Cameron helped me(single-handedly rocked) repaint the mixer yellow. She's absolutely perfect, I've named her Julia.

Don't you worry she has her own string of pearls.. !

Speaking of which, Kristin and Cameron bought me the most gorgeous strand of fresh water pearls. Stunning and (im)perfect, which makes them absolutely perfect, and absolutely me.

Merry Christmas,

Love always,

Jessica Nan

Christmas Part 1.

2011-12-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

I am a granddaughter. A granddaughter of the true spirit of Christmas. My Grandmother, Donnarae Lillian (Foster) McGuire loved this holiday. She created so many wonderful Christmas traditions, Christmas traditions that stretch across the United States and even Canada. McGuire's do Christmas right. Gingerbread Sleighs and Gingerbread Houses. Cheese Potato Soup on Christmas Eve. A live reenactment of the Nativity, "grateful for's", handpainted ornaments, ornaments from everywhere you go on vacation. Toll painted candy cane holders. A fresh smelling pine tree, pecan pie, Macintosh Toffee, and Tim Horton's Hot Cocoa, perhaps warm cinnamon tea while you curl up next to the fire with classic literature.

These are my roots, and I see no reason not to carry on these traditions no matter the stage of life I'm in. If you remember last years festivities, none of these traditions are possible without a snafu along the way. The tree seem to be my poison. In true McGuire fashion ( see the reasonable, practical way, and head for the hills running.) I decided The Meringue House needed a tree. Simple desire, the Denver tree didn't make the cut when I moved so I needed a plan. Insert high expectations, quest for nostalgia, poor timing, and a small budget. Also in true McGuire form, only the first three apply. :).

Let's backtrack for a second, Thanksgiving was in Featherville this year, and my parents were meeting me in Utah before we caravan-ed up to Idahooooo. They drove to Beaver the night before, and so they were going to be in Provo around 9ish... So I asked if I could go to work early so I could get off by the time they got there. I worked from 2-9am, Momsie texted me at 9:20 saying they were just leaving. I had a couple errands to run so it really wasn't a huge deal.

I had made up my mind I wanted to put some feather extensions in my hair (so totes my fave), and let's get real when I make up my mind there's really no stopping me. So I went to the mall, I had time to kill right? Turns out the only apt was at noon. In talking to my mom, my Dad wanted to leave Provo by noon. Meh. Details schmetails. Took the apt and went to Orem to pick up cashews and candied ginger. I kept coming up with things to do/tell my mom so I could make it to the apt and meet them for lunch. Finally I came clean and told my mom what I was trying to do. She (saintly) covered for me so my Dad wouldn't suspect anything. I told my Dad I forgot the cupcakes and my mom ordered my lunch for me. Walked into the restaurant at 12:15 armed with chocolate cupcakes. :)

So proud of ourselves..

The girls got in my car and the boys drove the truck. We could not stop laughing at the fact we pulled one on Punctual Pete. By the time we got to SLC we (I) realized we didn't buy anything for the pies. Basic miscommunication between me and Momsie. Now we have to come up with a plan to stop again and grab stuff for pies. Seeing as my pal Pete was less than amused a rest stop was necessary, I was pretty nervous as to how we were going to pull off a second stop before Featherville. Featherville is a remote town population 45 so Wal-Mart isn't exactly close.

We called Dad and told him we needed to stop at Wal-Mart before we made it to Featherville and he agreed. They beat us there and he looked pretty growlie when we pulled up.

Jessica : "Gimme your vallet George I vill handle this." <- Father of the Bride reference

Mom: Laughing

Alyssa: *fumbling with her seatbelt/dvd player/snack*

Mom: You unplug and run! <- That Thing You Do reference

Mom sneakily asked Dad to pick up something for Uncle Mike's birthday to buy us time, I took off running to get stuff for pies.

He never suspected a thing ;).

We told him the whole George story and he retorted with "I see what I'm up against"

Basically all my plans rock, I would have been in trouble at least three times now!

The pies were fabulous, the Blackberry, and Chocolate Caramel Pecan were my favorites!

I made the Chocolate Mousse Pies with the Whip Cream on Top, The Blackberry has a cross-hatch pattern , and the Chocolate Caramel Pecan is next to the Blackberry.

Dad said the caravan was leaving at 2pm sharp on Saturday post Thanksgiving.. remember the undying need for a Christmas tree? Guess who asked her cousin to go chop one down for her 45mins before we were supposed to leave? You betcha, nothing like another poorly timed plan to create a little excitement. Malcolm took off with an Axe on the snowmobile, I was just praying that he got back in time! He chopped me down the most gorgeous pine tree to take home,he even made it back to the house 10mins before it was time to leave. I was worried about losing pine needles on the way home, and we only had pepto bismol pink sheets to bring my treasure home. We had it wrapped and bungee'd to the top of my car before it was time to go!

Victory number 3 of the weekend! The Meringue House smelled delicious. I had a roommate pick up a tree stand from D.I. for a couple of bucks and we were golden. She made the stockings and I set up my dear Grandma McGuire's Angel Collection in the bookcase.It certainly made December feel like home.

Speaking of home, I recreated the Meringue house for my Gingerbread project this year!

Party in My Mouth Cupcakes from work, they're just so festive !

What are your favorite traditions?

xoxo

Jessica Nan

I know your heart skips a beat when I blog in the middle of the night..

2011-12-08T03:20:00.001-07:00

me. too. I know I'm funnier late at night. Rehab has been nice, can;t complain. Who knew working 40 hours a week could be so restful! It's really weird not studying for finals with the rest of the girls in the house. I will admit the ego is hurting a little bit academically, I mean my days are filled with watching Friends and making cupcakes. Rough life right? I want something more, I want a bigger challenge.

Oh hey there social life.

Wish granted.

I tell you what there are so many rules and protocols and costume changes. Four outfits alone on Sunday. I will be wearing sweats for the rest of the week, saving my last outfit for this weekend. You betcha.

So things I've learned in Utah? Yeah we're going for it..

How to spot a tool bag in Utah = Thumb ring + Faux Hawk (possibly pointy shoes and summer sales key chain, hat, or t-shirt)
It doesn't matter what time you go running, someone will attempt to run with you and talk to you. Single digit weather and 5:30am mornings are not going to stop them.
Inappropriate hair height.. there's really nothing in the honor code about it. These women will be balding in 20 years.
"So totes my fave" means So totally my favorite... you had no idea I'm sure.
Beezy - potentially a bad word, but can also mean business? The jury is out on the actual definition.
The GROCERY STORE! Apparently is the ultimate place to hit on people. Asking me about what brand of Oatie O's I like or that tacky Napoleon Dynamite 1% milk lines are not a turn on.
Traffic is horrible here only because everyone is so nice, they'll let you in and mosey. Mosey like crazy!
Guilt is a powerful thing, midnight Saturday night at the cupcake shop I turned on church music, that place cleared in a hiccup.
Also , in the grocery store they'll make announcements like this. 11:45pm. "This is a reminder, the sabbath starts in 15minutes. Just a reminder." May as well have been Black Friday at WalMart.
Utah is it's own version of glee, someone can start humming, and then you'll have 15 people harmonizing and singing loudly.
If you want to bear your testimony, you had better make a reservation or just sit on the stand from the beginning of church, fast Sunday has become running with the bulls.
NCMO - pronounced "Nick-Mo" means Non-Committed Make-Out, ( any where else in the world this is called a good time. )

Oh. and because I'm trendy like that, I got feather extensions.

So totes my fave!

xoxo

Jessica Nan

(Special thanks to Kristin Call and Lisa Crane for contributing!)

The one about not vlogging..

2011-11-28T00:43:00.001-07:00

I know you're disappointed.. No vlog here. I realized I only have like 3 jokes, and that's a boring vlog.. And I told one to my mom and she gave me the "I'm trying to be supportive, is this actually funny? face" so now I'm down to two and if you're my buddy on the book you've heard em both. So.. I will keep working on some material, until then I had some poorly timed hilarious movie quote ridden adventures this weekend with Momsie.

Actual blog with pictures soon!!

Xoxo

Jessica nan

The one about the beautiful heartbreak.

2011-11-14T02:16:00.001-07:00

You really didn't think I could go this long without putting my heart out there again did you? My favorite part of this social media generation are the 'real' post-ers. The ones who spell it out for you, whether they are blissfully happy or maybe that day, they can't seem to escape the rain cloud.

Confident or not, I've always seemed to come back to writing here, more than just pictures, more than just recipes, more than just holidays. This is my safest place, where the pieces of my part come back together.

I must start this post with some humor, true to "Oh Jess!" form, I completely embarrassed myself last week. (so why not make it public for the whole world to read right?) It was the annual Relief Society lesson on chastity, on fast Sunday. Not only do we get to talk about staying vertical, but we're hungry too. awesome. I was done after 6 1/2 minutes. The week before at church we had a lesson on eternal marriage, and I had some mixed feelings about it, basically by the end of that Sunday I decided that regardless of the lesson I would be receptive to what Heavenly Father wants me to hear, and do it with a good attitude. I reminded myself of this commitment when I wanted to leave the chastity lesson. I paid attention. The Bishop finished speaking and although we were short on time he opened the floor for Q&A...

guess who's hand shot up?

me.

in my head I was yelling at myself and praying that my hand would come down.

didn't.

The Bishop called on the girl behind me, and hey we were over time, thought I would be just fine and we could sing the closing hymn and successfully avoid that situation.

no, no, the Bishop isn't going to forget someone in the Chastity Lesson.

Sister? motioning to me

Captain Socialtrainwreckitis: Well erm.. I was dating this guy and he decided to pursue other interests.. well I mean, he decided he was more interested in men and that's why things ended, but I mean is it my responsibility to let our Bishop know that he was struggling with this ? Or do I just drop it.

Bishop: Well.. proceeds to talk in a circle for ten minutes before announcing he really doesn't know what to tell me and "good luck."

then the lesson ended. solid. Just announced to 200 girls I dated a gay guy. stellar

Two days later I got a text asking me if I could meet with the Bishop that night, warning bells went off like crazy.. I decided it was probably best to rip it off like a band-aid, and went. Turns out if you raise your hand in Relief Society you get called to the Relief Society Presidency two days later. (Assistant Secretary).

They.pounced.fast.

Absolutely thrilled though, I love Relief Society, and I think this will be an excellent calling!

Senor Bedazzled (the gay guy) has been on my mind a lot lately. It's quite the comparison being in Utah now. We met exactly a year ago yesterday. We talked about Apple Pie and he didn't stop complimenting me. I really didn't deal with the emotions or even think about it when I left Denver. I don't think I realized what a beating my heart took the past year. To his credit I wouldn't be in Utah without his help, I wouldn't have found the happiness I now have without the heartbreak. I wouldn't have stayed positive about my education if this hadn't happened. It's certainly been on my find a lot as too maybe I did know, and ignored it anyway because I was lonely. Maybe I wanted to be okay for a minute or two and recognize that someone cared for me. Honestly tho, I could have drop kicked his yappy dog. RED FLAG. and we all know you went tanning... there's a line ladies. Taking care of yourself and being gay. Pay attention.

Today I am grateful I stood up for myself and didn't marry a gay man.

and whether you're having a good week, year, decade or not.. this song and video brings me to tears.

Celebrate your heartbreak,

xoxo

Jessica Nan

The one in which she becomes a doll and gets married in an arcade..

2011-11-06T23:39:00.002-07:00

It's been quite the month! I've officially been in Utah for 4 weeks now, and am completely at peace with my decision to move here. I really didn't question the move after I didn't get into BYU and as much as I've wanted to question it, I haven't. So many good things are happening to me, and I finally feel like all these things I was told that I deserve are fitting together.. that's not the best way to explain it, but the lack of self confidence "there's no point in thinking that I could marry a good man because I don't deserve it.. etc. " is finally a lie in my mind. It's taken me a long time to believe that I deserve these things, and dang it I do. So if anything, the reason I'm here is to believe in the other part of myself, not the career part..

I started my new job this week, and I love it dearly. Out of all the bakeries I've worked in, this is my favorite, it just combines the organization, and exactness and perfection I crave with the homestyle cupcake-ness :) perfection.

So because I live in a dollhouse, the roommates and I decided to dress up as dolls ! I found a floor length dress at D.I. and altered it into a bubble skirt, I added a navy bow, and some navy trim on the collar. Quick fix!

Sheri, Kailee, McKenzie and Me.

The girls decided that we should plan a big group date and go to Nickel City. Basically it's an Arcade that runs on nickels, sweet huh?

Brandt and I were watching the LSU & Bama game when they decided this, so I invited him to come with me. We had so much fun!

The funnest part of the night was playing Deal or No Deal, we decided to play for the Double Deal.. 200 Tickets, I know, the big time right? We picked a case and started playing.. turns out we're really good at Deal or No Deal, we started by picking 5 cases I picked 3 and he picked 2.. we were still doing really well. The more and more intense the game got the more and more of our group assembled. we were down to taking the deal or opening the last case and things were intense.. Brandt and I had 10 seconds to decide, and everyone was yelling what to do, it was hilarious.. at the last second Brandt hit the No Deal button and we won the 200 tickets! Pandemonium broke out! We were thrilled!

So we celebrated winning with cashing in the tickets for some sweet rings and got married :)

and you were worried about me..

xoxo

Jessica Nan

The one in which she remembers not to settle.

2011-10-31T02:49:00.000-07:00

Heavenly Father has been doing a really good at humbling me the past two years. It seems as if I've been taking the good with a whole the whole salt shaker... (not even sure I used that correctly run with it. )

Denver, was brilliant. I got a stinking awesome education, and I have some serious qualifications. Yet, I also have party stories, memories of getting offered prescription drugs for cupcakes on the lightrail, creepy man smelling my hair on the light rail, memories of having no memories.. tears of loneliness, tears of fake happiness.. as my mother describes it, it was 'Babylon".

I truly felt it was time to get out of there.. so I did. I jumped. I prayed about it, I moved to Utah.. to finish my education. Didn't get in.. WHAT THE HECK?

It's sink of swim here baby girl.. so I settled. I had to find a job, and unfortunately I decided to settle and take a job with a 45min commute both ways leaving the house by 5am every morning, getting paid nothing even close to what I deserve because I settled. They told me I was going to decorate candy.. I figured it would be a nice way to practice my piping skills until I figured something else out.

Turns out I had just nailed the audition for the honey bunches of oats commercial..

You thought I was lying about the Honey Bunches of Oats Hairnet? ha!

I made 3600 sugared eggs last week... I'm a little bit faster than the other decorators.. I make 1200 in a day, they make 600.. it really was that bad..

The hairnet may have been worse than getting my head stuck in the wet suit.. so not joking.

but there is light at the end of the tunnel! I nailed a full time baking job 3mins away from my house. Thank heavens :)

Here's to no longer settling, and fighting back. I also applied for a third time to BYU.

xoxo

Jessica Nan..

Happy :)

2011-10-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

xoxo

Jessica Nan

The one in which she talks about her mysterious self.

2011-10-17T01:08:00.000-07:00

I think about my readers a lot, I think about what they think of me, what they learn about me, and more importantly what sticks in their mind after reading. If only one thing sticks, please let it be an understanding of my most fundamental "self".

Recently thanks to politics, religion is on the table once more. I am a practicing Mormon. Ignorance has placed Mormons on a national stage and have been referred to as a cult, rather than Christians. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was nicknamed "Mormons" because we (and I) personally believe in additional scripture as well as the Bible known as The Book of Mormon. Every single principle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is founded on Jesus Christ, and as a Mormon, and as Jessica I have accepted Christ as my Savior and Redeemer of this world. The definition of a Christian is a follower of Christ.

I. am. a. Christian.

I'm a Mormon because it provides me security. I was born into the Church, and into a strong Mormon family. I relied on their testimonies for most of my life. When I left home and had to stand on my own two feet I truly had to rely on my Heavenly Father and Christ my savior. I know that it's by the power of the atonement I truly have the opportunity to be saved. The Church to me is love, it's about building and uplifting one another and learning to grow and help each other as we walk through this life. I'm grateful for the opportunity to go to the temple, to be able to step out of the world and draw closer to him. There is nothing more perfect in this world than this gospel, and I know without a doubt in my heart it will bring peace in times of trial and strength amidst the storm.

This is an excerpt from my Mormon.org profile. I hope that you visit here, and perhaps have a little more clarity as to why I am, the way I am. I also want to share with you a video, and maybe it'll strike a chord maybe it wont, I hope you know that Christ is my friend, and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have.

Xoxo

Jessica Nan

and then I walked through the swirly twirly gumdrop forest..

2011-10-09T19:27:00.001-07:00

to Utah!

I moved into a gingerbread house.. because let's face it I love Gingerbread Houses!

and this week I had a staycation in the gingerbread house, I didn't work, I slept, and went running, made some killer chocolate reeses cupcakes, fed cupcakes to my Baby Brother and Brother in Law, and just came down from running a million miles an hour.

OH! and bloggie blog I was social, I get like 8 blazillion gold stars. My recovering workaholicdateagaymanstudylikecrazyitis is really getting better! I went to the homecoming spectacular this week, and on a date, yeah I said it, a softball game with my little brother, and the football game.

I know you're shocked.

here's the kicker.. I didn't get in to BYU.

took it like a ton of bricks. The letter they sent me was really nice

" You are to be commended for your outstanding preparation and accomplishments. Given your record of achievement, it may be difficult to understand why you were not selected for admission."

So basically they thought I was pretty great, but it just didn't happen. So.. strike number two. (*I didn't get in when I applied my senior year in high school.*) Which made me a little curious as to why I felt so divinely impressed to leave Denver and continue my education here in Utah. Today was fast Sunday, fast Sunday in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is one Sunday out of the month (usually the first) dedicated to fast for a special reason.

Coming on the heels of all this confusion, I felt that it was really important to fast for understanding of this decision. I haven't felt this good at church in a very long time. I've known my roommates for about a week, and I'm just so truly grateful to be here, to be here with these wonderful girls. I think it's going to be a fantastic year.

This is why I'm here. To have a college experience... and I'm reapplying for spring term. Starts in April, and I'm confident that Third times the charm.

Until then, I'm going to bake and be happy.

You only live once,

xoxo

Jessica Nan

They say she dances to the beat of her own drum.

2011-09-27T23:14:00.001-07:00

unfortunately when I dance it's like a full body dry heave set to music. Add in some make your own music, and we really have an awkward situation.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
― Albert Einstein

This is truly one of my favorite quotes, because I know I have different talents.. I still have nightmares that they're going to ask me to play the piano at church.. Everyone in my family plays, and plays well. I on the other hand am responsible for my Mother's grey hair.. just not my thing :) Although, it probably really scares someone to sign up to bring a dessert to the church function.

It's a frequent topic on my blog, insecurity, and what you do best. Embrace what you do best! etc. These blogs are my indirect way of saying "Don't judge me, I'm about to do a REALLY HARD thing.. and I need you to tell me I'm awesome."

(face is now getting really hot.)

I'm moving in two days. To Utah, to the place I swore up and down I would never go.. and then I went to hell and back and prayed about it, and I'm supposed to be there. It was really easy to be bright eyed and excited when I was getting out of Denver, because I was leaving a hard place. Now I'm scared. Anticipating this to be hard once more. Life is never easy but this is scary.

Currently have a place to live.. with some wonderful girls, I've never met them but we're FaceBook buddies, and my Mother and Sister met them so that's a safe place.

Don't know if I got in to BYU yet.. awesome. Left the best school in the nation for one that I might not get in to.. let's do it.

Does she have a job with that super expensive degree? Nope.

Perhaps this is a sign that I should stop being a workaholic, and make friends?

Trusting and Hoping this answer to move. Even if I don't start packing until Thursday morning..

These people are going to make it really hard to leave..

Alyssa, Rick, Me, and My Bestest Friend in the whole wide world Janice.

xoxo

Jessica Nan

The One Where She's Reminded She's Not Alone.. and Neither are You!

2011-09-18T16:49:00.000-07:00

I miss this, I miss that I used to blog every week, if not more than once a week. I used to have thoughts.. erm. Still do, I guess the filter is just on a little bit more lately. I wonder what my readers really think/thought of my heart, and my adventures... if they were cheering me on, if they were excited as I was over creating a perfect souffle, or if they were reading just to catch up on a *guilty pleasure read* i.e. failed attempts at romance.. or if I was that blog that you turned to for a good laugh. I hope I was there for you when you needed me, needed an escape or a good laugh, or to renew your hope in "real people" who might not be bright and shiney all the time.

As I am writing this, there have been 28,923 visitors to this very page.

Thank You.

It's silly you know, I'm a workaholic.. what normal person would spend 70-90 hours working, studying, learning..Definitely not normal, but when I was overworked I found comfort in your comments, quiet emails, or even several phone calls.

Blogging in fact saved my life..

But I must.. MUST share with you this gem that showed up in my inbox, after three years of blogging, and trying to figure out blogging etiquette (Only to find out I didn't really care and I was going to write what I wanted to..) this email came in.. and it came on the heels of feeling miserable and inadequate and questioning if I really was a good person.. and well here's part of it.

Hi Jessica,

I know we haven't talked in forever, so forgive me if this letter comes as a huge surprise. I stumbled upon your blog tonight (which I love reading, by the way) and started to read your 2 most recent posts ("Sew for Japan" and "There is More"). And after reading them, I just felt a tugging on my heart, and I felt like I should write to you. While I was reading "Sew for Japan", it struck me how giving of a person you are. I am so amazed by everything you do. I look at problems like what's happened/happening in Japan, or what's going on in the world in general, and often feel so helpless. "What can I personally do to help this huge problem?" I think to myself. And usually, I get overwhelmed by the enormity of everything and I don't bother digging deeper and figuring out how I can use my love, use my gifts to help. I like to think of myself as a selfless person (or at least as someone who strives to be so), but the truth is, it's hard, and it's easy to become entangled in pride, or fear, or insecurity. And you, you just radiate selflessness. I wish I had the tenacity you have. To think of a project, follow through with it, and get (35!) other people to come and share their time, share whatever talent they have (ironing perhaps?) is simply amazing. I cannot express to you how impressed I am, and how humbled I am by your own selflessness. Also, Jimmer Fredette + cupcakes = who does that?!?! But seriously, who does that? (just high fived my computer screen, so I hope you high five me back).

We haven't actually talked face-to-face since high school, so I think it's pretty fair to say that we don't know each other all too well. But I want you to know that seriously, SERIOUSLY, you are one of the most hardworking and most giving people I know. First of all, I don't know HOW in the WORLD you were triple majoring. Can I just say, "Wow." You work so hard not just to achieve your own personal goals, but you also strive endlessly to bring others joy...which brings me to my second point. You are so giving, whether it be in the more obvious ways like giving of your time and talent, or in other ways like giving of yourself through your blogs. Some of my favorite posts of yours are the really hard ones, the ones where you grapple with doubt, with pain, with heartbreak. Those are the blogs I read and re-read. Why? It's because they're so genuine. You bare your soul, you give a piece of your heart to everyone that reads what you're feeling. I appreciate those blogs the most because they're raw and they're real. It's like you're saying, "Here I am, world. This is me. I'm hurting. I'm scared. I'm not sure I'm using my talents." I don't want you to hurt, I don't want you to be feeling those feelings. I'm sorry you've had your heart broken. I'm sorry you have an experience like A or B or X or Y to write about. But I am, more than anything, incredibly grateful that you are sharing both your joys and your sorrows with me, with all of your readers. Because it gives me courage to be more open with others and more open with myself. Your openness shows me that it's okay for me to be open, it's normal to hurt, and that I'm not alone.

SOMEONE GETS IT ! It's about being real ladies.. and gents .. Be scared, be fearless, be you..

because you're not alone. I'm cheering for you, and so are countless other people.

p.s. Thank you MayaJoy.. thank you for reminding me I'm not alone on this journey..

Here's to Humanity Bloggies!

xoxox

Jessica Nan

The one in which she decides what to do with her life.. (again).

2011-09-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

It's about that time again, you know, time for that post where I get all starry eyed and blissful and excited about what my next move is.

In the past it's been really easy things like TRIPLE MAJORING ... or moving to FRANCE.. SELLING JAM TO THE MASSES.. or RUNNING A MARATHON.

well, turns out Triple Majoring WAS a marathon. So here we are, SUPER EXCITED (well attempting to peel my eyelids open) and ready to jump off the high dive again. Stellar.

I've been holed up in a magical place called STAPLEGEDDON all summer/fallish long. Yes I know I have a $62,000 degree from one of the top baking & pastry programs in the nation, don't worry I just hold my diploma close and reload my stapler.. because this is temporary. This is also just a part of the plan to becoming financially stable(Does anyone actually know what this means?) again, and get ready to move to Utah.

Unfortunately Administrative/ Commander in Chief of the Scan-O-Bots/ Stapling my eyeballs to the desk can do some strange things to you.

and then your texts turn into something along the lines of :

So that's what I'm doing right now, Administrative, paper moving, stapling stuff. I'm still looking for a job in Utah, but I did find a really great lead for a Pastry Chef on KBYU's cooking show .. so cross your fingers. They operate a catering company when they aren't filming, either way so much fun!

I've officially decided to Major in Food Science with a minor in Chemistry. The eventual goal is to become a Flavorist or a Flavor Technician.. basically becoming a Glorified Taste Tester/ Blue Bell Ice Cream CEO ;)

p.s. Thank you to my readers for all your wonderful love notes of encouragement. I promise to be a better blogger. I love you all!

xoxo
Jessica nan

The One In Which She Becomes A Chef ..

2011-08-24T22:44:00.000-07:00

Well hey there,

me. here. If you've stuck around for awhile you know that I've been dabbling in the art of Baking & Pastry at Johnson & Wales University the past two years. Who would have thought sitting in that interview with Mr. Grausman at C-CAP (Culinary Competition my senior year. ) When he told me I had no future in the Culinary Industry to now.. Graduated with honors on the Dean's List, from one of the top culinary schools in the nation!

I decided last minute to graduate solely with my Baking & Pastry degree.. I had half of my second associates finished at the time... regrets? none. I stand by my thought that three degrees, with honors etc. will not be as gratifying as teaching my children how to frost a cupcake, or be waiting by the door with chocolate chip cookies to hear about their first day of school. You only get one life. Find your bliss.

Not to detract from graduating in Denver tho. The past two years were the BEST learning experience of my entire life.I learned how to learn. I learned how to work hard. I learned to go after the impossible and do it well.

But most importantly, I learned how to be unstoppable.

Trying to jump and pull graduation together on the fly, my incredible parents flew up to Denver to celebrate. The plan was for them to fly in, help me pack up, then Dad would fly home while Mom drove back with me. They flew in the day my internship ended.

A-freaking-men. I learned a ton at my intership, and loved what I learned. Loved my boss.. but hated the other interns. Made for a really tough working environment. By the end of it I was SO ready to be out. and that's all I will say on the matter. It was a super rainy day in Denver, and Kelsey Jean met me downtown to celebrate FINISHING!

We had heard that at the Aveda school downtown you could get your haircut for cheap. uhm. yes please. We only spent $12 apiece on some killer haircuts. Reeling from the lack of social life, feeling used by a gay man, overworked and exhausted from the bakery and fabric store... I cut it off. My long brown curls were gone, two days before graduation! I guess it was time for a big girl haircut :)

We spent the afternoon getting pampered. Got our nails done, hair done, and picked up dinner to watch Grey's Anatomy one more time. Not an easy thing to say goodbye to her. She kept me together in Denver.. so grateful to have a wonderful day to say good bye. I love you Kels.

I picked up my parents late Thursday night, and had them follow me into downtown Denver to take them to their hotel. It was pretty empowering to know the roads and how to exactly take them to their hotel! Felt like an adult.. I mean that's probably insignificant, but I felt like a cool kid.

Friday morning we all slept in, and then I took my parents downtown to the bakery. It was a little eye-opening for them to see that I parked in a lot across the street from the homeless shelter, and was in downtown Denver everyday for the past 3 months. We only spent a brief time there.. the lot is a good 5 blocks from the bakery. It was really fun to show them where I've spent countless hours for three months of my life. We went to Snooze downtown, which is one of the best breakfast places I've ever been to. I love that I picked the exact same thing as my Dad. Just fun to see how our culinary minds work!

I took my parents and Lindsay to the school Friday morning for a Graduates reception. I took them to meet Professor Cohen and Dr. Moulton because we had a little time to kill. I'm so glad they got to meet! Professor Cohen was the professor who discovered I had ADD..My mom could hardly keep the tears back. She truly changed my life for the better. Can't really put into words how grateful I am for Professor Cohen. It was fun introducing them to Dr. Moulton as well, Dr. Moulton critiqued and edited my honors project about my Dad's liver transplant to his brother, and his regeneration.

My Adoptive Parents Dr. Moulton and Professor Cohen.

Professor Cohen! She truly is one of my best friends. This is the woman that discovered I have ADD, my mom has already said she will personally fly her out to my wedding.. She wants her to be a bridesmaid. Love her!

This is a plaque hanging in the Honors Lounge. My name is on it, because I placed third at the Honors Forum.

The best part about graduating from a culinary school, is we know how to do food right :). The reception had so many different things to taste and try. Ceviche, Lamb, a bruschetta bar, chocolate turtle boats, raspberry brownies, etc. Mackay was nice enough to watch Lillie so Lindsay could come. They were overwhelmed with food we decided we should take a plate back for Mackay. I was introducing my family to my friends and Chefs, it was a great time. The Dean of Culinary Arts was there, and so I asked him to come meet my parents and Lindser... well the three of them had spread out to retrieve food for Mackay... (while the president of the university was talking). The President finished and I brought the Dean to meet my family. He's a good friend of mine and Lindsay and my Dad met him.. well I couldn't find MOM.. so I was kinda scoping the crowd when she walked up. I don't know if she realized we were talking to someone. She came up with her arms full like a bandit trying to break out with the goods. Erm.. Mom this is the Dean of Culinary Arts. her arms were full unfortunately.

It was way funny at the time :)

Little Turtle Boats, the dessert of choice.

Pastry Pals ! We were together for our sophmore labs, a lot of memories in this picture. Let me tell you, these girls were/are my toughest competition. Love you both!

The next day I graduated.. in pearls. Keegan Gerhard of the Food Network was our keynote speaker. It was such a fabulous weekend, I couldn't have asked for a better finish to this great journey. Thank you to everyone for making this possible!

Thank you for making this dream a reality.

I love you all :).

Big Difference :)

p.s. this isn't the end. My Dad has always told me, you don't get any points for getting to second base. I intend on pursuing my Bachelor's Degree at BYU in Food Science, and possibly a masters in Food Pyschology?

Who knows what the next few years will bring.

xoxo
Jessica nan

Sew For Japan

2011-07-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm playing catch-up today, I've missed you my bloggies. Things have been a little crazy around here lately, but what else is new?

Back in May I decided that it was really important that we do a service project to help those affected by the Japan Tsunami. I asked my Relief society President if we could make Newborn Baby Hygiene Kits for an activity. She agreed, and I went to work. I felt like we needed to send at least 20 kits over. I also felt that we could do more good if we sewed the majority of the things that went into the kits.

Ambitious.

Here let me convince a group of women I don't know, that they can sew, and we can do this.

Well.. I'm thinking we had some divine help. It worked ! We not only made 20 new born kits, but we made 20 regular hygiene kits to send over.

I promised everyone I would bring cinnamon rolls if they would come, and asked if they had a sewing machine to come as well. Oh what a beautiful activity it was. 35 girls showed up that Saturday morning. With their mother's machines, scissors, etc.

Girls who had no idea how to sew came.. offering to help any way they could. One girl told me she couldn't sew, so I asked her if she knew how to iron. She did, and she ironed her little heart out for 5 hours. Humanity is still alive.

20 Baby Blankets

40 Baby Booties

80 Cloth Diapers

20 Nightgowns

and a lot of love.

Thanks to everyone for helping !

This is Carrie :) Carrie is my champion ironer, in the middle of the whole activity she just exclaimed, this is perfect, it's just so full of sunshine !

Yes, yes it is:) Service is full of Sunshine.

xoxo

Jessica Nan

there is more.

2011-06-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

there is more to this temporary void.

somethings missing.

and i can't seem to figure out what.I keep trying to remind myself that being home is temporary, and that the only reason I'm stapling papers all day long is to regroup, put myself back together.. and then well what then? I know this intense change of pace is supposed to be good.. but I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING with my talents and skills. everything I've worked so hard for, and now I'm sitting on my parents couch scared to death of an academic class because I don't learn well and moving to Utah where everyone's Mormon. Yes, I'm Mormon, but it scares me ... scares me more than I can tell you.

What's the point in knowing a gluten window.. how hot sugar has to be before you can pull it, that vinegar makes a pie crust tender and flaky, not just flaky.. when all you do is staple all day long. (Super grateful for a job.. but it's not sugar and flour. )

I feel like I'm back in my senior year, with no desire to learn because I think I can't.. and everything anyone has ever done to help me get through Denver is void.. because here I am wasting away my God-given abilities.. oh how humbling it is to see my pressed Chef Whites hanging up and knowing that I'm trading them for a pair of high heeled shoes to be in a law firm all day everyday. Truly I just want to bake.

I've been to so many functions since I've been home, and everyone asks me when I'm going back to Denver.. and I'm not.. I'm not going back.. and as hard of a social situation it was.. I miss it like crazy. because when I was there. I was good. I was worth something.. someone believed in my talents, there was a reason to get up at 5am.. there was a reason to sit through lecture and LEARN. To have a desire to learn is something I wish and pray for everyday.. I feel like I'm getting out of the gates again, and I put on my stupid smile and pretend to tell all these people about my dreams, because I don't even know what they are anymore. Yes, I want to study food science.. but what if I wanted to open a bakery? I don't know if I wanted to open a bakery.

and yeah. let's bring up freaking marriage one more time. All the graduation parties I've been too, all the people I've seen at church.. they always ask if I'm dating someone, or when I'm getting married.. or "oh don't you worry about it, once you get up to Utah, you'll be scooped up in a heartbeat."

uh, k. Thanks for the compliment. but you should know that today is the first time in a week I actually did my hair and put on make up. and I sit there every Sunday at institute, watching couples cuddled up, listening to the lessons on how it should be a priority (*and it is*) but I truly question myself each week. Why won't someone talk to me? Don't I have something to offer? Surely we could go on a date? I make pie? ..oh that's right, I forgot you were already talking to her. Oh really 3months? Congratulations on your engagement... It's so fun to look at your life knowing I want that more than anything in the world.

With the exception of a few close friends, I've had to cut a lot of people out of my life, and it's lonely here.. it's lonely being alone, and I mean I was lonely in Denver, but it's almost lonelier not having even the fake in my life. I know I have to separate, and remove myself.. but it hurts here. And how selfish is that? Saying I'm lonely when I'm surrounded and supported by a family who loves and cares for me.. horribly selfish, but that's where I'm at today.

because everyone loves a rant blog.. I don't know, I still have the warm fuzzies to blog. I need to post the pictures from "Sew for Japan", Graduation, little brother's graduation, being home for summer, Wakeboarding.. I mean there's so much good in my life.. I just, need to fill the void. Fill the void and get motivated..

or perhaps make a strawberry pie.

xoxo

Jessica Nan

Well gee ...

2011-06-13T23:26:00.000-07:00

isn't it about time for an uunmedicated honest to goodness post?

*This first part probably isn't about you*

**so I hope you laugh and say I've had one of those before**

for starters.. whoever lives in Ohio who decided to leave me a 6 page comment about how I needed to re commune with Mother Nature or some gibberish ... I hope you find a popsicle and think long and hard about commenting crazy talk. (you really didn't think I would track your IP address... ?)

That was potentially harsh, but c'mon people... this world is a crazy place, you obviously need more extra-extracurriculars if your purpose in life is to comment on a blog belittling the author's opinion.. perhaps knitting?

... sad thing is, I genuinely care about the person who wrote that to me. I worry that they're lonely, and need a friend, or perhaps some delicious pastry. So friend, I hope that you find peace tonight knowing I'm doing just dandy enhancing my curves with some blue bell ice cream. delishhh

*Okay kicking the negative out*

So, I moved home ? Remember that uber healthy move? Definitely was a good choice, I was so miserable in Denver I ended up packing in garbage sacks and holding on to my parents, and Lindsay and Mackay the entire weekend. Oh to feel safe and loved once more. A tangible love. It was so nice not to be tied down by the internship or bedazzled fabricland.. I could just sit and giggle with my sister, play killer bunnies, laugh with my Dad, take a walk with my Mom. Oh what sweet perfection simplifying is.

I did cut off my pretty, brown, southern, curls the day my parents flew in.. it was just time to grow up, feel like I was taking on the world. Which I am! also it may have had something to do with that one guy I was telling you about.. the one who told me whatever I wanted to hear? Oh yeah totally believed him. until I found out he had erm.. more masculine ~~feminine~~ erm.. not so sure there interests. Which is part of the reason I've avoided blogging. Because I truly haven't been able to put into words that I'm confident in my life, and where it's going... which is something scary for me. For some reason that eager beaver triple major girl scout who would tell the post man her dreams is having a long nap.

Uhm. HELLO?! Not planning on dying tomorrow. Family is good, God is Good, Life is Good.. Pastry is Good. There's a reason I graduated top of my class, and no one.. and I mean NO ONE can tell me differently. So there.

also, I've never wanted to hold my standards so close. I've also learned that this part of my life is when I'm supposed to mold myself into the woman I want to be. I have so much freedom and opportunity to LIVE. It's time to shake and bake a little bit.

So there's the real Jessica, back in action and ready to take on the world..

why not?

xoxox

Jessica Nan

The one about the dead cat fur...

2011-05-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone who has ever worked retail has had to deal with the crazies... but sweetheart no one, and I mean NO ONE is crazier than the lovely people who come into the fabric store.

I was putting away paint at the time, high tech stuff you know, and then I heard them..

Man A: "Miss?" *sniffles*
Me: "Can I help you find something?"
Man A: "Well uhm.. we need a pot" *Man B starts crying*
Me: Erm.. Well we have some over in floral...
proceeded to walk them to floral take a look around and they didn't like anything.
Man A: "Well we need a lid for it?"
Me: "uhm, well I'm not sure I have anything like that, could you tell me what it's for so I could maybe suggest something else?"

*RETREAT!! RETREAT!! RETREAT!!!!*

That was possibly the dumbest question I've ever asked.

Man A: Well it's for our cat, or well actually the fur from her, she passed away.

Me: Oh okay, well uhm, Let's go look over in Home Decor.

while thinking **YOU NEED A POT FOR THE FUR FROM YOUR DEAD CAT?!?!?!?

Now thinking.. oh holy heck .. they had to shave a dead animal.

Man B: *While sobbing* Sarah Jessica Parker was the best cat ever. She had attitude and spunk.. excellent fashion sen.. and then he started crying harder and fell into my shoulder to bawl.

This is Sarah Jessica Parker..

And this is a cat in the process of losing it's fur.. not quite catching the resemblance.. holy gross.

At this point Man A began to cry and linked arms with me. So now I have two TWO sobbing middle aged men draped onto me over the fur from a dead cat. So I walked through the fabric store with both of them trying to find something suitable!

Needless to say the fabric store doesn't carry urns for fur from dead animals... I mean they used to, but after they redid aisle 5 things were never the same.

I sent them home with some stick on rhinestones to bedazzle whatever they do intend to put Sarah Jessica Parker's fur into.

but seriously? seriously. This is my life.

xoxo
Jessica Nan

p.s. I'm getting caught up on blogging, life's been crazy moving back to Arizonee.. so happy to be home :)

I guess I could explain myself a little?

2011-05-10T19:35:00.001-07:00

So if we're Facebook/Twitter pals you know I made a little announcement that I'm moving to Utah, and trying to transfer to Brigham Young University. Coming from the girl who would *swear* up and down she'd never move to Utah and be with those cookie cutter girls, and would never fit in, well. Things are changing. Uhm.

I've been alone for two years. I've been successful, finishing a degree from one of the top culinary schools in the nation. But I've been alone. I finally asked myself what it was worth last week. Is working 90hours a week, trying to rub two dimes together to pay for a class I can hardly pay attention in because I'm so over worked and sleepy?

Oh. And I'm still coming home to an empty apartment. Because who has time to be social?

Oh wait and when I was social? Got lied to for 4 months.. and shamelessly used. But that's the end of that story.

In the midst of a tearful breakdown, I did some research and found out that BYU offers a food science degree, which is what I would be doing with my Nutrition degree here at JWU. So for a mere $63,000 cheaper.. I will be moving to Utah! And I couldn't be more thrilled! Since this was decided late, I'm applying for spring next year, and gasp. Taking a semester off to work and get some financial stability. I'll move up to Utah in July and get into a singles ward (of people my age!) and break the lonely mold just a little bit.

Not that Denver hasn't been a wonderful experience, it has. These are the best years of my life and I have an opportunity to jump and have an adventure.. so I am.:)

Xoxo
Jessica Nan.

Smile through the Trial.

2011-05-02T21:15:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel yourself saying "only two more weeks and things will be better?" "If I just make it through this year I'll be happy." "I can't wait til I graduate and then I won't be so over worked."

To be honest with y'all, I say something close to this daily. I've truly felt that almost everyone I depend on in my life has taken advantage of me this week, with the exception of my family. I could sit here and lay out each example of my disappointment, but what good does being passive aggressive do?
When was the last time you forgave someone?

I know who I am, and what I have to do to accomplish my goals, I wouldn't be tested this hard without reason. The reason we are tested is to reach a greater potential.

Work will work, when wishy washy wishing won't.

So I'm not "hanging in there" .. I'm living the life I chose, to accomplish the goals I chose.

Xoxo
Jessica Nan

I just bake the pie.. and he takes the pictures :)

2011-04-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

Just finished the 6th week of my internship. HALFWAY POINT! I was photographed to be in the Denver Post this week. My boss said that I should do the interview/photoshoot because I love to make the pie. It was kinda funny that the picture he chose for the paper was the ONE I was totally hamming it up Julia Child style, oh well.. It's in the Post so hey, I'm not complaining.

...if only I had told him to photoshop the bags out from under my eyes ;)

For some reason the electronic version of the article doesn't have my picture, but the hard copy does.. so here is the uber classy picture of the picture for your viewing pleasure. :)

Fondant Cake I did (The Sunflowers)

I put the dots on this one ;) 5 of us helped on this one.. Diana is a fabulous artist, I've learned so much from her !

I can't seem to find some of the pictures of pie I did for the photo shoot.. but they'll make it here eventually :)

xoxo
Jessica Nan