Jess's Journal: Life Unscripted

The Realization

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 23:49:00 +0000

Many things happened during the nearly three years of law school. When I started this blog years ago, I struggled to figure out who I was. The only difference between high school and college was that I had obstacles. I had barriers that no person in their 20s should have faced. Don't get me wrong; I had obstacles in law school, but I overcame them.

It should not be a shock to anyone that I persevered through the law school obstacles, with the only obstacle left being bar admission. I am graduating with a law degree nobody can take away from me. Here I am with a message to my younger self. It's a message I wish she had heard while going through the education program. The message I heard was to find somewhere where you will shine. If she were to hear that now, transfer schools. My younger self did not deserve to be somewhere she had been gaslit at any turn, where she was called a liar when going to board meetings instead of chapel service, and she certainly did not deserve the lack of support being given. She was a young woman trying to fit a round peg in a square hole with little support. Yet she persevered. She was not in the right environment for her to shine and thrive. So, it's no surprise she decided to go to law school because her college major did not give her options for a career. She wanted to be something other than a college professor in higher education. She did not want to struggle with writing for the rest of her life. She wants to make a difference in other people's lives. It was her mission and purpose in life.

So what if teaching is not the way to go? She can argue and make policies that change the education system one step at a time, for better or worse.

First Two Years, Summarized

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sun, 21 May 2023 22:41:00 +0000

I recently completed my 2L year. All I have to say is, it is hellish.

I had some highs, and some pretty low lows. Nothing prepared me for how law school was going to go.

Since it is summer now, I want to get back and start writing again, one day at a time.

Although this blog post is going to be super short, law school has kept me busy. Now to wait for grades.

Living Like a College Student, Overdue

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sat, 28 Aug 2021 20:11:00 +0000

It's been a while since I hit the books for school, so I thought about creating a new blog post documenting what it has been like for the first week of classes. For my first year of law school, I decided to live on campus. My goal is to get into a routine and gain the college experience I'd never had. Making the most out of every opportunity is valuable.

To prepare, I've been reading some law school blogs. The articles range from study habits to social life and networking.

But ultimately, the experience is what I make of it.

To be honest, the first week of classes was tough. Understandably, I'm learning a new way of thinking. Reading a case as well as briefing takes a lot of effort and practice.

To the left is a picture of all of my casebooks, plus other books in my assigned locker. Law lockers are good for the time you attend law school. Having less back pain is a plus to having a locker.

As for specializing in law school, this is my first year. My biggest concern is to pass all my classes. The important thing is to do my best.

Anyways, happy studying, people!

Two Years Later and Law School Bound

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 03:04:00 +0000

Well, a lot of things have definitely changed since the last blog post. One year has turned into two due to the pandemic. Two more LSAT attempts later, I am finally law school bound. I will attend Northern Kentucky University Salmon P. Chase College of Law this fall, with that being said. Two years later, I get to fulfill my dream of becoming a lawyer. I looked at all of my blog posts over the past couple of years and learned a lot about myself. Perhaps I am more prepared now than I was after graduating with a B.A. in English.

Mentally, I am more grounded and centered. Perhaps there is some good in living through a pandemic. By establishing healthier ways of coping, I have realized that it is okay to not be okay. Anyways, a few days ago, NKU sent me the acceptance email. It's a whole different world now. I'll make a new label on the law school experience eventually and will restructure the blog's website to make things more professional on the branding aspect. This blog will see some changes within the next couple of days, which could take some time.

The Long Road Ahead

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Thu, 30 Apr 2020 02:45:00 +0000

It is month 3 in quarantine and I am still healthy at home. Cabin fever has set in and the LSAT-Flex has been made official. I have experienced a lot of highs and lows emotionally during this time. I guess COVID-19 has made me realize I needed to make more time for things that matter.

When looking at the posts I have written over the past few months, I definitely changed my perspective on a lot of things. For one thing, I definitely complained about things during my gap year in previous posts. I complained about having an English degree. Well, perspective changes quite a bit in a few months. At least I have a degree. At least I graduated debt free. For some reason academia came back in full force when I thought about writing an entire lesson plan on the differences between requirements and recommendations.

Well, enough of the sentiments. My 0L gap year is almost over. I'm taking the LSAT-Flex from home, for hopefully the final time. After June I will figure out if I start my 1L year or if the gap extends another year. I'm still planning on law school. There's no rush. The rest will be a long road ahead. I thought it would be a good time for me to start planning for my first novel. Or a book of poems. The possibilities are endless.

What a Powerful Name

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Tue, 25 Feb 2020 04:56:00 +0000

Wow, what a Good God.

A lot has been happening over the past couple of weeks. It's hard to comprehend what has been happening lately in my life. I have to admit, there are days where I struggle immensely with my own self doubt. Lots of people go through these days, especially when we interact with others. But enough of the personal, this post is about worship styles.

James 4 begins with this: "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."

Talk about a slap of reality. We're constantly fighting with and against ourselves. We're quick to speak and slow to listen. I'm writing this blog post tying James 4 to the context of worship. Denominations quarrel over methods of worship, whether it is traditional with hymns or contemporary with contemporary Christian music songs. I'm actually on the fence on this theological debate. I attend a Baptist church where the worship services are contemporary. There are no pews, but there are chairs. I've been going there for six years, since the summer before my junior year of high school. I've also sang hymns in using the United Methodist Hymnal while in worship performance and through Union Harmony auditions. At 17, I officially gave my life to Jesus through a YouTube video, but let's save the salvation story post for another day.

To sum up the context, hymns have their place. So do CCM songs played on Air1 or K-Love. A friend of mine told me earlier that it doesn't matter what method as long as God is being praised. Problem is, we've become legalistic to the point where everything is a performance and we're caving to what people's preferences are. The problem is our attitudes in these scenarios. To me, worship is not just what songs we sing or what method of worship a service contains. Worship can also be spending time alone with God by reading a Bible and calling out to Him in prayer. Maybe that's just my attitude on all this, but if I'm honest, I don't feel any closer to Jesus by just singing a hymn, a song, attending church, hearing a sermon, or anything else. I feel closer to Jesus by getting to spend time with God, serving others through preschool and youth ministries, going to life group and all other things. Without those key ingredients, I don't know if I will be able to understand the power of God in its full capacity.

The question is, if Jesus Christ is the top priority and number 1 focus, then why does it even matter what type of worship service a church has as long as its biblically sound? Let's not focus on the methods, let's focus on the One. That would be Jesus.

So, raise your hands up. Grab a hymnal. Or do both. Or neither. What a powerful name it is, the name of Jesus.

Six Years Later

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:34:00 +0000

The last thing I ever thought about was entering the legal profession. No illusion this time.

There. I said it. My first post confirming that I am applying to law school for the fall 2020 semester, LSAT notwithstanding. How did I get from a confused former education major to a graduate with an English degree taking that step and having that step confirmed?

It was that fateful day before I left for Georgia with my classmates taking the Flannery O'Connor night course at Union. I was near the Writing Center at Centennial Hall and I remembered blurting out: "I want to go to law school." Without a single thought, panic set in. Instead of unconditional support from my friends and colleagues, I got concerning remarks. They made many reasons why I needed to back out of law school -- one example was an unnamed female lawyer with an alcohol problem. Another reason was the textbooks. All the mounting dread started to cave in and I thought, "Am I making a huge mistake?"

At Union College's English department, the unstated assumption was that you go to grad school to be either a college professor or a writer/editor/publisher. At least that's what it seemed. Then I took classes in the communications department. My lowest grades at Union were presentations, and my highest grades were the more creative assignments (ex. Ye Olde Puppet Show from Early Modern Lit. Yep, that took days of paper bag puppet making, filming, and editing). That was the general trend until I took Digital Career Management when I did a group presentation on a podcasting creative agency project. It got the highest score out of all the groups. I guess, the more niche, the better. Got my LinkedIn set up, and the rest is history.

I toured the newly renovated University of Kentucky J. David Rosenberg College of Law (new long name for UK Law) last Friday. I remember thinking, it was huge. I saw lockers. I saw what the small courtroom looked like, as well as a glimpse of the large courtroom. I saw lockers. I saw a closed Common Grounds on the second floor. Common Grounds is a coffee shop in Lexington, and there are five of them located throughout the University of Kentucky campus. But nonetheless, something about the place brought excitement. Something felt new.

I'll be sharing more about the admissions and law school process as I prepare for next year.

Seeing 20-20

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 00:49:00 +0000

Never thought I would use vision for my first post of 2020, but I feel that it is a great topic for the start of the year. For all my glasses and contacts folks, this one is for all of us.

Every year, I would have a routine eye exam to monitor changes in my vision. Once changes were documented in my prescription, I would then see the optometrist for a change in lenses. The eye checkup was as usual. But today's was a little different. On the prescription for my left eye, I discovered that I have astigmatism. Shocker, right? Except not really when you get headaches, constantly squint, and other things. Astigmatism is actually very common and it gradually develops from a combination of heredity and environmental factors. Luckily, it was caught on time and can be easily fixed.

But life is not exactly 20-20. Life does not have simple solutions to correct errors. It's not exactly a one size fits all type deal, even in LSAT/MCAT/DAT/GRE prep (plus other standardized test prep, bar exam prep, PhD qualifying exam prep, thesis/dissertation defense prep, and the whole nine yards). It does not involve just review. It also involves intense reviewing and application in the road to mastery.

If only there was a guidebook.

Closing Doors

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 18:07:00 +0000

This blog post is an important one for me to write. It has gotten apparent that my twenty-fourth birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I, yet again, have put myself in the crossroads of life. My devotional readings as well as my prayer time revealed revival as a #OneWord for 2020. But wait, there's more. One of the other words I've considered is grit. Grit definitely ties into responsibility. And one of the many gripping things I've wrestled with in the past few years is that while the Lord closes doors in order to protect us, we have to sacrifice our own comfort and safety to follow the path that the Lord has for us. I think now is the most important time to recognize that God usually does not put you in the most comfortable or closest school or path.

We're not meant to be comfortable. We're not meant to be secure. We're meant to get out of our comfort zone. I think that's the most important value of all. At the end of the day, our own closed doors serve as a reminder. I've had several closed doors in my school experience. Academic team doors were closed until I finally made the team sophomore year of high school. It wasn't easy, but I didn't give up. The doors closed for honors choir until I joined the sixth grade choir. The door closed for student council, but I did yearbook instead in eighth grade and since returned to student council freshman year. These instances were more like delayed doors. The doors that were closed are still closed. For example, I did not get into Student Ambassadors freshman year. I did not get into the teacher education program after sophomore year. I attended Union College, one where many of my high school classmates overlooked due to it being small, expensive, and too close to home. I went initially for being a legacy student and for the education program. Yet, the college major wasn't the path or right fit for me. For a year and a half, I struggled with the question of wanting to transfer schools even though I stayed at Union at the end of it all.

I knew some of my peers transferred schools during their college experience. For example, I knew many stories where people transferred from UK/UofL to EKU. Others transferred to the school I went to for four years. Others transferred from a private college/university to a state school. Others transferred back and forth. Others simply dropped out. Yet, we are all figuring ourselves out as time goes on.

But maybe, just once, I would want to know what it's like to close that door after reaching some clarity.

One Word for 2020, and the Upcoming Decade

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sun, 22 Dec 2019 02:40:00 +0000

Ten days until the end of the decade, and I am getting ready to reveal my #OneWord for 2020. Although this time, I will also talk about how the past decade has shaped me all the way to now.

At the start of the decade, I lived through the heydays of Facebook and Twitter. I was in middle school trying to get my start in music through covers of popular songs. But then I realized a key part of copyright. Then I tried to get my comedic chops going and it did not work out either. As of today, my YouTube channel sits empty. Then, Vine came along my high school days. Humor dominated my junior and senior years of high school. If you haven't heard of Vine, it was basically a six second version of TikTok minus the lip-syncing.

In music, I gradually went from listening to pop, hip hop, and country to rock, punk, and metal with some hip hop sprinkled in. Contemporary Christian music also was a part of my playlist in some moments. That was a snapshot of my life over the past ten years.

Also, my grandfather passed away at the start of the decade. It was a trying time for me. You can never get over losing a loved one, but managing your grief gets easier through time. I hope he is proud of what I've accomplished over the past decade as I graduated high school and college. That aided my gradual shift in musical tastes.

2014-15, my senior year of high school, was when I reached my peak in school. Sure, it was a tough year, but I did have some great memories of state FBLA convention as well as Kentucky Junior Historical Society state competition. I won $250 in scholarship money from former Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes for discussing Kentucky history. I focused on Henry Clay. That was one of my proudest moments. I auditioned for Union Harmony at the end of my senior year of high school and made it in as a freshman. It's rare to make it to Union Harmony as a freshman, but it has happened before.

The last few years were some of the hardest years I've ever faced. Sure, I wrote more, but it was the journey into my own self-discovery that made the difference. Coincidentally, I started doing One Word in 2018. 2018 was not a perfect year, but 2019 was when I made my stride. Responsibility took a weight off of my shoulders.

As I'm about to enter 2020, I not only look at the time I had fondly, but also, with some lessons to take into the next decade of my life.

And so, my one word for 2020 -- revival. I'm looking at 2020 for some new beginnings and a rebirth. A do-over of sorts. I'm going into this next year with a renewed focus and intentionality in my writing as well as my interpersonal relationships. It is a renewed surge of creativity I've never had before. So I am taking advantage of the time I now have and will put it into good use. Who knows where God will lead me next?

Soul Searching and the Next Chapter, Part 4

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 21:02:00 +0000

Today as I am sitting at the table, with coffee in hand, preparing for a December TV update for Pop Culture Cosmos, I thought about a lot of things. Jessica's Show is coming out of hiatus. I have been radio-silent on the podcast front since November 17. There are a lot of things to address. It is December 12, and a lot has happened since the last post.

I'm going to clarify the paragraph, "When I was in college, I surrounded myself with like-minded people, same views and interests. But nowadays, I want to surround myself with people with different backgrounds, cultures, views, hobbies, etc. I have since limited contact with the people I associated with in college, with the exception of a few people. I'm probably not going to get into the details of what led to that, because I have no business putting all that stuff out there on social media. But one thing is for sure, I don't have the same group of friends I did back then. That's life. There's no drama, no beef, no anything. Just a different life path. And that's perfectly okay."

In 2019, I experienced a paradigm shift. I decided to take time off from school. I have not only received so much clarity on my next steps in my academic career, but also on the people I surrounded myself with. Now I don't believe one bit that people are bad. I believe things and situations created by behaviors are bad. There are people that know why I did what I did. I cannot control how other people act towards other people. That's the wisdom I've gotten through time. In every situation, there will always be people that will attempt to exploit your weaknesses and limit your potential. That was the situation I went through as an English major even after changing my major. Taking a step back to analyze the situation helped me to gain insight that will carry me to 2020. Let's leave toxic situations in the past, y'all! May we all be better for it.

Losing Sight

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Mon, 02 Dec 2019 16:25:00 +0000

How do I word this blog post?

It's December 2, and the year has gone by super fast. I've learned quite a few lessons on forgiveness and relationships in the past few years, but more so in the past year. I have a hard time putting this into words. Two posts were in my drafts folder on this blog and this year is not even done yet. There are so many open possibilities that I have at this point so I can go anywhere if I set my mind to it.

Back in high school, I was trying different things. I was on the journalism staff briefly, I was in choir for two non-consecutive years, and I tried my hand in academic team. I was also secretary of my high school's Book Club and the Future Business Leaders of America, and interestingly enough, books were an integral part of my undergraduate career.

Even now, I am still trying out new things. I learned that for every plan that does not work, there are always backups. I will be sharing one of my backup plans. For a backup plan, I thought about going to graduate school to get a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. As a child, I loved to write and create things, including fanfiction of the cartoons I have watched. I had several poems and an essay published in Creative Communication anthologies. In undergrad, I took creative writing classes in screenwriting and poetry. My backup plan involves getting into publishing.

Yet, I know what it's like to lose your whole heart into something that can drain you physically, mentally, and emotionally. In college, I wrote a lot of papers. That is not something I want to go through again, but it is a necessary evil to be able to write cogently. Like I said before, it is hard to put things into words.

When I was in college, I surrounded myself with like-minded people, same views and interests. But nowadays, I want to surround myself with people with different backgrounds, cultures, views, hobbies, etc. I have since limited contact with the people I associated with in college, with the exception of a few people. I'm probably not going to get into the details of what led to that, because I have no business putting all that stuff out there on social media. But one thing is for sure, I don't have the same group of friends I did back then. That's life. There's no drama, no beef, no anything. Just a different life path. And that's perfectly okay.

Now I know that post was a little on the messy side as I am ranting. But we've all lost sight of the things that we thought were good things. Perhaps a paradigm shift is necessary when the next decade hits.

A Couple Poems

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 02:52:00 +0000

Since we are in the middle of the semester, I decided to share a couple of poems I've written at the moment. Since poetry has been a recurring thing on my blog, I wanted to share more of my work for my own personal enjoyment. I have more coming soon, so watch out for more.

Dancing

When clouds float

across mountain tops,

Impressions and misty waters stop

leaving footprints

as they glide

upon hearts

taking part –

dancing

set apart on color charted

fashionable runways

Our eyes gaze

Sun sets ablaze

enough for one last song

crafted by human errors.

Screenwriting

Like an archer

She shoots and misses

She aims --her intended target

the screenplay buzzing

through miles

without reaching its

bullseye

Like changing gears

on a rough drive

through the mountains,

a clear fog

reaching the surface.

Like a capstone paper assignment

receiving feedback in red font --

like the mysterious Minotaur

straight out of a science fiction novel.

60% action and 40% dialogue

Without an end in sight.

Just as when you need a fix

the pages become blank.

Less dialogue -- ideal

Visual mediums

notwithstanding

Like I said before, these are likely not going to be the final versions of poems I work on. So it is important to just get them out here to show the process of poetry revisions.

Soul Searching and the Next Chapter, Part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Thu, 10 Oct 2019 15:35:00 +0000

Over the past few months, I thought I would write this long-awaited post. Part 1 and Part 2 are hyperlinked within this post, so jump in and read them to see the journey.

Two years after I wrote these two posts, I went on a huge journey to discover things about myself I never thought about. I learned about health and love. I learned about vulnerability. I learned about trust. I learned about the importance of keeping touch with people in a healthier way. I also realized that people have multifaceted personalities. The other day, it really hit me. There really is no such thing as old Jess. Nor is there any such thing as new Jess. I'm just me, Jess. And I'm evolving as a person. While I believe that God can change a person, the biggest strides in life are that the person takes steps to change. Maturation did not really happen overnight. Some of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past two years are some of the most challenging things I had to learn.

As I've gotten older, I gained an understanding on why academics are not the only component on success in professional life. Networking is a key component to success whether you are going to be a teacher, lawyer, public relations professional, journalist, entrepreneur, writer, etc., and how you treat people matters. Last year, I went to the fall information section at the University of Kentucky College of Law. The key takeaway I learned was that sometimes, a person with a higher GPA gets passed over for an externship opportunity than a person with a lower GPA. It's how you treat people and how you approach school that matters much more.

I used to think of everything as a competition, how to get higher GPAs, higher test scores, etc, than the next person. That mindset does not get anyone far. A lawyer, a teacher, an administrator, or any other professional will see right through it. That mindset weeds people out of professional programs quicker than you realize. Being ambitious only left me feeling pretty empty at the end of the day. At Union, I didn't get any awards on Honors Convocation related to my major until my senior year. The only reason why I even got an award, let alone two, also has everything to do with the demonstration of maturity. If there is any competition, the only person I was, and still am competing with is myself. The Literature Award was what I did not expect to get, but I did, and it's something I'm proud of.

But I digress. There will always be people who do things in a competitive way. There will always be people who think their way is the right way. You don't control how people act. You control only how you act. I hope that when we do react to difficult people, that we choose to respond proactively. People will see it. That doesn't mean we have to please them, but how we respond to difficult people matters.

Acceptance

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 18:35:00 +0000

Some chapters in life are not going to end happily, and that is okay. I never thought I would start a blog post with a theme of accepting that life doesn't work out the way I planned it out. I never planned on taking a gap year, but I am because I need to know what it's like to rest. I accepted that opportunity last October and while it doesn't make sense to most people, it was what was best for me.

I never planned on graduating without an education degree. But a what was likely a tough decision for the dean to not allow me to go further into the program turned out to be what was best for me. My heart shattered into a million pieces, understandably. It took me two years, but I finally accepted that God was not calling me to the school system. I decided to close that chapter at graduation, reverse a previous open letter to my old major by writing a new one, and not look back.

I could go on and on about the plans I have made while in college that have not worked out the way I planned, but the point is, coming to that final stage of the grieving process is not easy. It does not mean that you are no longer sad about what didn't work out. It means that you have an opportunity to learn from mistakes and carry the lessons learned into the future. Real life is messy and it is meant to be. But once you reach the point of acceptance, you'll feel like yourself again. I've been there.

Here's to healing. Here's to recovery. Here's to positivity. You can do this.

An Open Letter to the College Major That Left Me, 2 Years Later

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 20:58:00 +0000

Dear Education,

It is time for me to apologize and own up to everything I have done to you, both in what led to the parting of ways and the aftermath. After all that's said and done, I am the only one responsible for our eventual outcome. I take full responsibility of my actions since the open letter from two years ago. If anything, the experience I had the last two years made me realize a lot of things.

I was the one who chose to lie to lose a scholarship. I was the one who tried to change myself instead of being real with you. I was the one who rejected any attempts of constructive criticism through your action plans by living in complete denial of everything. I was the one who was competitive and perfectionistic. And I was the one who decided that being negative towards you or doing things out of jealousy through both my social media use and in real life was healing when in actuality, I was continuing to hurt myself and everyone in the process. Especially for attention. I know that I cannot undo everything that has happened but I hope to mend things the best I can as time goes on.

I realize now that you left me, not because you wanted to intentionally hurt me, but you wanted to help me. You were concerned for me, because you knew if I continued going through life the way I was living then it would end badly for me. A person who was living a façade as well as a person who held grudges was someone you did not need. A person who was extremely competitive and perfectionistic was someone you did not need. That was the person I fed because I thought it was the thing to do. But in actuality, it wasn't. I pretended to be someone I was not. I lived in reckless disregard of what was expected of me. That is something I fully regret to this day.

You needed someone who was real. Someone that can take criticism and turn it into a growth opportunity. Someone who can be creative in a balanced way despite limited resources. Someone who celebrates people's accomplishments both big and small without comparing themselves. And someone who understands that not everything in life involves academics and books. Or even sports. Or what's the latest fashion or what's on Netflix. Or even majors.

After all, the biggest lesson I've learned from you is that I am not my college major. You are, after all, a college major, but so is English and so are Media Communication and Psychology. I learned to not base my identity on what I major in, but rather in who I am and who I am becoming in the process. I learned that reflection is a way to improve myself on seeing not just what I can see on a surface level but what is beyond that forest. You wanted the best from me and I could not give that to you. I let you down in so many ways. I couldn't be the person you needed me to be the most. With that being said, the ripple effect of what I wrote from two years ago has extended further than what it should have been.

I cannot say with certainty on what life looks like for me going forward without you. So much has changed and things are different now than what it was two years ago. I am still learning and growing as a person. I want to make it clear that I am not the same person I was when I wrote that open letter to you two years ago. You bear no responsibility for the anger I have felt or for the unhealthy mindset that I developed in the process. These actions and thoughts were all my own. I should have processed things a lot differently and for that, I am sorry.

I don't want this letter to be a part of promoting myself. An open letter to apologize to the college major that left me is simply an apology. Things on social media circulate, people gossip in real life, and that is just what I have learned to accept along the way. Only time will tell if what I do in the future lines up with the remorse I feel and the things I have learned, which is something I pray for and will continue to pray for. Not only will I continue to apologize with words and actions, but I will continue to learn and grow as the human being that I needed to be back then.

Thank you,
Jessica

Maturation is a Way of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Wed, 26 Jun 2019 00:32:00 +0000

Ever since I graduated college with a Bachelor of Arts degree, I had a series of revelations about myself I never realized before. Honestly, I never thought this blog would last like it did. Originally, it is a way for me to cope through life's struggles and challenges. As I matured, I discovered thought patterns and habits that are no longer present in my life. Some of the biggest factors of healing is recognizing the sense of power within yourself, or as I like to call it, inner strength.

News flash: the world is not out to get me. Failure is not a death sentence. Nor is it a mental road block. Failure should not paralyze you. In fact, it should be your greatest motivator to rise above it all. Personally, I would like to tell my younger self this to save her from feeling worthless. Because even in failure, you are worth something. In fact, facing my fear of rejection by not taking it personally is a part of the maturation process.

In fact, seeing how a lot of my peers handle rejection in a graceful manner inspires me to look at it at a different angle. Not getting to finish your desired major is seen as God closing the door on that major so you can move to another one. I remember wanting to be a psychology major at one point in my college career, but one of my biggest regrets is not pursuing that for two reasons: the fear of rejection and the need for stability.

I regret listening to the voices of inner doubt telling me that I would never be successful with a psychology degree. Little did I realize, the legal profession involves a great deal of psychology and logic. These major skills are just as valuable as being able to write and communicate effectively, which are the skills I had improved with a degree in English.

However, one of the biggest steps to maturation is to finish strong, in whatever major you have already. I finished my English major with a communications minor in four years. It was in the last two years that I became a much different person. The most important thing I would say throughout the college experience is that I am always learning and growing. We as humans should always strive to grow our skillset. As I have come to know, maturation is a lifetime process. Maybe you could say that it is a way of life.

All Things New

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sat, 23 Mar 2019 01:29:00 +0000

I remember thinking today during the reflective period about the newness of life.

Recently, I have worked on the Bible reading plan, "Longing Wrongly". I asked myself what I longed for. Well, consistent with the transparent intent of this blog, I should reveal this. Over the past year, I did a lot of soul searching. Just like how sometimes endings may not be what is intended and doors close, new things come to existence.

Apparently, the ending creates a new beginning. Today, I finally decided to let the pain, bitterness, anxiety, sadness, and anger go. Throughout the process, God was healing me from the inside out. It was not easy. Trust the process. It's worth it in the end. We can acknowledge the past and how it affects us, but if we dwell on it, it will be hard to move forward. God sends people even during our lowest points to carry us. God did not promise healing, He promised to be with me throughout these points.

It reminds me about the parable about the how the old passes away and new things come into existence. The Bible tells us: 'He also told them a parable: "No one tears a piece from a new garment and puts it on an old garment. If he does, he will tear the new, and the piece from the new will not match the old. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins and it will be spilled, and the skins will be destroyed. But new wine must be put into fresh wineskins. And no one after drinking old wine desires new, for he says, 'The old is good.'" '
Luke 5:36-39

Now yesterday, I wrote on Facebook about exes, former friends, and old rivals. I wanted to spread some positivity and a different perspective. Like I said, when you see exes, former friends, and old rivals doing well, your only choice is to be happy for them. Not because you are being walked on by any means, but it takes a great deal of understanding and maturity to know why things worked out the way it did, even if it wasn’t happy. There are many complex reasons why friendships and relationships don’t work out and it may be easier to point the finger at them or to blame yourself. Rather, the mature path is to focus on letting the situation go by positive reinforcement and strengthening what makes you unique. By choosing to be happy despite what happened, things will look up. It’s not easy but it’s worth it in the end.

I have seen a lot of Internet blogs and websites talking about toxic relationships, friendships, family members, and other things. Now, I don't believe a person is toxic in and out of itself. Like I said, there are complex reasons why things worked out the way it played out, happy or not. I'm saying this because human beings are complex. There is no simple reason. But we don't need to point the finger at ourselves or other people as it means dwelling on the past and it allows for bitterness to take root at our souls.

If we as people want to be happy, then we have to let it all go. We have to stop dwelling on the situation and choose to be happy. We have to affirm the good things that we have gained as well as remind ourselves of what makes us unique. We have to strengthen our resolve towards our strengths even if it means acknowledging our weaknesses. After all, we are a work in progress.

What Gives?

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Mon, 18 Feb 2019 01:04:00 +0000

Somehow, I feel led to share what has been on my heart the past few weeks. Since I am heading into the final stretch of the semester, I had so many thoughts and emotions roll through my mind and heart like a rush of wind.

Comparison is the thief of joy. How am I going to break that down?

It starts with a Facebook post, an Instagram post, a Tweet. Then I see people share about getting engaged, a pregnancy, wedding photos, and everything else under the sun. And then questions come into my mind, such as, "Why not me?"

"Why am I still single?"

"Am I pretty enough?"

"Am I smart enough?"

Then a feeling a dread comes in...rushing, rushing, rushing like the Cumberland River during a storm where there's a flood.

But snap back to reality. What gives?

That's how you know comparison is the thief of joy. It leads to jealousy and bitterness. It leads to acting without thinking. It leads to discouragement.

What's the cure? It's knowing your strengths and showing them off gracefully.

2 Timothy 2:15 says this: "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth."

There is a lot I can go on and on about, but it is better to focus on you than to focus on what people think, what your past is, and anything goes.

Anyways, I hope this post helps a bit. In the meantime, midterms are coming.

On the Sixth Day...

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 13:46:00 +0000

It is Day 6 of the Daniel Fast, and a lot of things have come to pass.

The semester has started, and the assignments are clear as day.

But there were things I did not understand. This morning during my quiet time, I discovered the word abundance. Now, it refers to what we have in great quantities. There is a great quantity of time. There are great quantities of knowledge I have. But what we do with these qualities may lead to things becoming idols that rob us of both.

This morning, the Word became so clear. For the past week I have been trying (and failing!) to fast off of the news and limiting social media that I have almost no sight of the forest beneath the trees.

For now, it is time to refocus. God is still on the move. He will always move. I will receive it and believe it.

One Word for 2019

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Tue, 01 Jan 2019 19:55:00 +0000

As we enter into 2019, I wanted to take a moment and review my ever evolving word for 2018: integrity. I chose that word carefully based on Union's core values. My spiritual phrases and words were be still and surrender. I have to be honest, I didn't do a great job upholding the original one word since it changed repeatedly. This was my first time doing the One Word challenge instead of a New Year's resolution. Now that 2018 is over, it is time to dive into the reasoning behind my one word for 2019.

My #OneWord for 2019 is responsibility. Now, responsibility is a tough one to conquer, but as I learned on the last Sunday sermon of 2018, I have to recognize that a change in belief leads to a change in behavior. Before 2018 ended, I decided to break up with the blame game and start taking responsibility for every mistake I have made.

One of the responsibilities I ended up taking so far is abandoning my long time Alice in Wonderland/Mad Hatter composition notebook. I used this composition notebook from the second half of my sophomore year of high school all the way to December 29, 2018. Six whole years! To be honest, I got tired of reliving the most painful memories I have written on there I struggled to move on from. By abandoning it for good to start a new journal, it felt liberating. That is a huge testament to my personal growth.

I am nervous to start this new journey. At the same time, I thought I should take responsibility by taking a leap of faith, hoping it will lead me to making right decisions for my mental health. This is going to be a long journey, so I will make the most of it!

Growth

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sun, 23 Dec 2018 23:53:00 +0000

Since I am on Christmas break and I successfully conquered the fall 2018 semester, I thought I would write this blog post.

2018 molded me, broke me, and humbled me. Today, I'm a whole lot smarter and wiser. I'm thankful for the hidden blessings and the lessons learned along the way. This past semester was a time I decided to change my perspective on a whole lot of things.

I came into this semester with uncertainty. I had to detach myself from the events that happened from the end of sophomore year that continued on through junior year. This fall, it was a completely clean slate in the English department. It was also a clean slate in Common Partners and in the Writing Center. I have come to realize that people are human. I have come to accept my own shortcomings as opportunities to be more vulnerable, for growth.

Detaching myself is one of the hardest skills I have worked on this past semester. Not only did I attempt to remove myself from the situation with the education department, but I also had to remove myself from situations that happened when I was in high school. I even had to detach myself from the belief that I was a dweller and that I dwell on everything. That was a hard experience I had to learn all on my own, and not in any classroom.

Back in May 2017, I got rejected from the teacher education program the day before Baccalaureate and two days before Commencement. It was the most painful moment in my undergraduate career and all through junior year, I lived in denial of the outcome and attempted to prove it wrong. I was angry and I blamed professors and made choices that further confirmed their conclusion to reject my application. These are choices I fully regret making today.

At the end of the day, I am responsible for the choices I have made. I am responsible for the choices I make every single day. And I am responsible for changing my perspective on the situation so that I don't repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Because the truth is, I made choices both consciously and unconsciously that do not reflect what a successful teacher is. I was very competitive and thought I was better than everyone else, just because I was a graduate from Corbin High School and I was admitted as a legacy student.

These two facts about me did not matter in the end. I approached my first couple of years of college and junior year after the major change through a place of pain. I carried years of unresolved pain onto my undergraduate career. When the rejection happened, I went into a really dark place, a really dark place I had a hard time getting out. But little did I know, this rejection happened to be a turning point in my life.

I'm writing this while gliding through uncertainties in my own life. I know my old habits but I can process on them in a healthy way. Writing was my way to cope through the dark times, but now, I have healthier ways to cope with my emotions. I am different today, but somewhat more whole than what I was. I was broken, but now I'm becoming whole. I'm becoming who I'm supposed to be.

The Little Things

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Tue, 07 Aug 2018 19:55:00 +0000

Last night when I was surfing the Internet, I discovered a picture of something very poignant. The text of a book excerpt really resonated with me today, so I thought I would share it.

"The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn't very good for the economy. If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell an anti-[aging] [moisturizer]? You make someone worry about [aging]. How do you get people to vote for a political party? You make them worry about immigration. How do you get them to buy insurance? By making them worry about everything. How do you get them to have plastic surgery? By highlighting their physical flaws. How do you get them to watch a TV show? By making them worry about missing out. How do you get them to buy a new smartphone? By making them feel like they are left behind.

To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business."

I admit, the obsessive spelling corrector in me had the correct spellings of words underneath brackets. But the message taken from Matt Haig's Reasons to Stay Alive is very poignant. Sometimes I ask myself why I'm not always content with what I have and why I need more. Because it is hard to be content with what you are given, and society says that what you have is not enough.

But Rebecca Bunch from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend would always say this: "The situation's a lot more nuanced than that." I don't think it is not just the big things we have to be content about, but it is also the little things. The little things that make us smile every day. The little things that make us human, like our messy hair, our smile lines, everything.

So, let's just try to be content with the little things we have. That's all I am asking.

Within Means

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Sat, 04 Aug 2018 17:04:00 +0000

Senior year is a time where we assume greater financial independence. It is a year where we stress over grad school applications and our futures after college.

In my case, it would be to set a budget to be able to live within my means. For three years, I have been overspending on food at school, so my hope is to do things a little bit differently.

Living within your means is finding the limit of how much money you have to spend. I have yet to find what the amount in that limit is, but what I do know is that I know what the amount is above it.

So it is time to make a change. It is a change that will benefit me in the long run. It's time for me to stop spending money on snacks, food, and drinks, and start spending money on healthier options. That way, school would not be as much of a burden as it is.

Unmasked

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Boggs) — Tue, 31 Jul 2018 01:16:00 +0000

I've had a lot of things on my heart and mind lately. Somehow, I have entered a new season in my life without even realizing it.

I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I've grown as a human being in retrospect realizing that everything happens for a reason. I've learned to embrace my weaknesses and will gladly boast in them, because God created me for a purpose. Interpreting social cues has been a long-standing weakness, even as I started this blog almost four years ago. Sometimes, when I read old posts, I do not recognize the person I was when I wrote them. Writing them was a way to channel the raw emotion I've held inside. Looking back, I could have channeled my emotions privately.

I don't know for certain how the future will look like moving forward, but things are so much different now and I am still learning. As a digital citizen on the Internet, I have a responsibility and an obligation to live authentically and humbly, and to spread positivity and healing for those who are going through difficult times. I recognize that there are times that I let people down and I was trying to live by pride. I show the good parts of my life while I was hurting inside. I could have known then what I do know now, but I literally was living as if I lived a life lacking empathy

Enough is enough. I tried letting time heal wounds, but it is what I do with the time that heals. God has been gracious to me all this time, even through the biggest mistakes and going through autopilot in my English classes. But time will tell if my future actions will line up with remorse and repentance, something I do pray for from time to time and will continue to do so.

From admitting my lukewarm faith a couple of months ago to repenting of years worth of sins and rededicating my life to Christ, I am preparing myself to come back to school as a brand new version of myself.