It’s impossible to know the private thoughts, demons, and dreams of another person. Often, it’s hard to know our own.

How can any person begin to imagine what the daily life of Michael Jackson must have been like?

He literally grew up before our eyes. His fans likely knew more about his background and his family life than he did.

While Madonna was attending elementary school, Michael was on Ed Sullivan. While Prince was playing four-square, Michael was in the recording studio. While Simon Le Bon was buying lollies, Michael was touring the country.

He went on to become the biggest-selling recording artist in the history of recording. His sales records will likely never be equaled.

He went on to become the most famous person in the world. His image was more recognizable to children worldwide than that of Ronald McDonald and Jesus. Tribes in remote jungles could identify Michael Jackson.

There was not a street corner, backwoods diner, desert palm tree, or iceberg that Michael could visit without attracting attention.

How lonely and thrilling and sad and amazing and frustrating that must have been to experience.

In every interview I’ve seen recently, the same few words keep coming up: innocent, child-like, playful, silly… For many years, I’ve believed that Michael likely never progressed emotionally past the level of a 12 year old. As an adult, he created his ideal habitat, basically a giant circus and amusement park. I don’t believe this was the act of a predator, I believe it was him surrounding himself with his most basic childhood dreams.

The musician in me can not begin to express the reach and influence Michael had on his contemporaries and younger generations of artists. Every single person on the pop music charts today, from Taylor Swift to The Jonas Brothers, Justin Timberlake, Rhianna, and Miley Cyrus owe an incredible amount of gratitude to Michael Jackson.

His work, dedication, and talent did much more than just sell a few hundred million albums… he busted racial barriers, revolutionized the music industry, introduced filmmakers to new technologies, and probably most importantly shed light on major social issues of the day.

No one in the US knew or cared about the famine that was claiming hundreds of lives daily in Ethiopia in the 80’s until Michael’s USA for Africa exposed it. Even now when I suggest Ethiopian food for dinner, someone invariably makes the joke, “I didn’t think they had any food!”

His humanitarian efforts are unequaled. He has given more money to charitable organizations than any other “person of note.” He founded nearly 40 different organizations aimed at providing funds for everything from HIV/AIDS to burn victims and wounded veterans.

I’ve found myself vigorously defending Michael the past several days on Twitter and Facebook from people who want to complain that his death is receiving too much attention… or demanding that people stop talking about the “child molester” who should be rotting in hell.

To those people I say, “May you never be judged by the worst thing you’ve been accused of.”

To those who dwell on his seemingly bizarre behavior and appearance, remember that “freak” is another term for “different” and our prejudices and bigotry are our problems, not the problems of those who are different.

This “freak” was a father, a son, a brother, an uncle, a friend, a human being who did extraordinary things under extraordinary circumstances.

Michael’s legacy will survive the scandals. Michael’s legacy will survive whatever the next several months or years will find him being accused of now that he’s not here to defend himself. Michael’s legacy will survive the legal battle over the custody of his children and the disbursement of his estate.

Michael Jackson’s page in the history books will be filled with his music and his charity. I don’t believe the scandals will even warrant a footnote.

As for myself, I will remember being jealous of my childhood best friend who came to school wearing that red zippered jacket and glove, and the joy when he let me wear it. I will remember my mom and dad dancing with me to the “I Want You Back” and “ABC” records. I will remember the countless hours I spent watching MTV just hoping they would play “Thriller” one more time. I will remember how much I loved “The Way You Make Me Feel” and how I cried like a baby the first time I heard “Gone Too Soon” after Ryan White died.

I will mourn the sudden silence of a voice that has always been heard in my house.

And I will mourn yet another piece of my childhood slipping away.

Pardon the hell out of me if that’s interrupting your regularly scheduled programming.

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On Michael

Watching Avitable’s latest video, The One Where Adam Tries Not To Vomit, reminded me of a story.

A few years ago while working at the National Laboratory in Berkeley, there was a Materials Science Ph.D. in my division who was heavy into playing politics. He was the nicest guy if you were just shooting the shit about the weather or any other non-work-related topic, but the minute things turned to work he was a two faced lying scum bag who would sell you down the river if he thought it might make him look good.

So he discovered that I live in Fairfield, which is home to the Jelly Belly Jelly Bean Factory. It’s basically across the street from the Budweiser factory. There’s a great tour that you can go on to see how they are made and you always get free samples just for walking in.

One of the benefits to stopping by the factory is that you can buy bags of “Belly Flops” which are the jelly beans that don’t quite make the cut. They might be disfigured, stuck together, or sometimes they are flops because the logo didn’t print right on the bean. They taste exactly the same of course. The “flops” are usually between $1.25 and $2.50 per pound. By comparison, buying a bag of mix-your-own beans is $9.00 per pound.

At any rate, Dr. Asshole, asked me pick up a few bags of flops for him, you know, if I didn’t mind. I really didn’t the first time, especially since he hadn’t really come out as a total dickwad yet.

Then the requests came more and more frequently. He would ask me nearly every week to bring him another 4 pounds. I discovered that he was setting them out in a bowl on his conference table where he would invite some of his scumbag asshole compatriots in to basically do everything possible to make my life (and the lives of everyone on my team) completely miserable.

Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans

Flavors included: booger, earwax, dirt, black pepper, earthworm, sardine, garlic, grass (my favorite), and vomit.

I picked up a box and took them home eager to try them for the novelty factor. Several friends sat around with me sampling the unique flavors that for the most part tasted just like you would expect them to. Sardine was pretty fucking vile even though I have been known to eat sardines from the can.

However, nothing prepared me for the experience of a vomit flavored jelly bean. It was as close to the flavor of the real thing as you could ever want to get. It immediately made my stomach rumble and the acidic taste was EXACTLY like that first watery-mouthed stomach bubble that precludes a technicolor yawn.

There are few things that I’ve put in my mouth that I immediately had to spit out. (TWSS) The vomit jelly bean elicited an immediate “GET THIS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH YOU FUCKING IDIOT” response.

I’m sure you know where this story is going.

As Dr. Asshole began waging his war on my team (trying to get rid of us) on the sly, I was still his bean-pusher.

I started mixing in the Every Flavor Beans with his now weekly delivery of sugary treats.

I always pulled the grass flavored ones out though.

At first, it went unnoticed. I could just picture the group sitting around the table popping jelly beans in their mouths a handful at a time, wondering why there was an unusual flavor every so often.

When I failed to get a good reaction, I started adding more and more boxes of the foul beans to the mix. I would giggle every time I saw one of the scumbags pop their heads in Dr. Asshole’s office to grab a handful on the go. I just know they would get back to their desk, gag on one of the beans and move on to one of their favorite flavors.

This went on for MONTHS.

Until one day the fire alarm went off and our building was evacuated. After weeks of expensive air quality tests, the addition of air purifiers and several meetings with the Health and Safety Division it was decided that there was some sort of “toxic substance” in our building that was making many of the division staff sick.

The symptoms?

Nausea, vomiting, and complaints of “unusual tastes in their mouths.”

I ended up with a new office far away from Dr. Asshole and never had to buy him another fucking bag of jelly beans.

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Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans

He was one of the most amazing performers that has ever graced us.

I love this song he wrote for Ryan White. “Gone Too Soon.”

[See post on my domain to listen to audio]

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Gone Too Soon

In Memoriam of Puppy Monster

Memorium: 2 years ago.

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Memorium

Get your twitter mosaic here.

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The Faces of Twitter

Some bullets of things that I have been meaning to write about or just happen to be on my mind….

• Don’t let anyone tell you that launching a business is easy to do. Any one that tells you “It’s no big deal. You can do it in your spare time” deserves a swift punch to the crotch.
• I can’t see ever working for someone else ever again. There’s a lot to be said about being the responsible party. The problem is there’s no one to complain to when your boss is being a total asshole.
• On top of launching my own cruise travel agency, Cruise Avenue, (yes this is a total plug for my company… I NEED CUSTOMERS!) I am also doing all the social network marketing for another company, have a couple of freelance web design projects I’m working on, and it’s been a pretty busy period for Total Eclipse.



Kathy Griffin via last.fm

• All of this work is making it incredibly difficult to keep up with the good TV that’s quickly making the “off season” my favorite… Weeds, Kathy Griffin, The Closer, Nurse Jackie, Deadliest Catch, Mythbusters, True Blood… they all have new episodes airing. Monday nights rock!
• I’ve been spending way too much of my “free time” on Facebook lately. Between talking to some high school friends who I have missed terribly without even realizing it, and trying to catch up to Othurme’s score on Bejeweled Tournament (HOW does he keep scoring so high!?), I have just dedicated one of the tabs in Firefox to Facebook. Always.
• My ex-boss decided to try and follow me on Twitter today. I haven’t worked for him in over 3 months, and he’s dragged me into a lawsuit against a different ex-employee. The problem is, every piece of evidence that I could possibly contribute to the lawsuit actually benefits the other party. In fact, I’ve already sent in my affidavit. To HER lawyer. How’s that for a little FUCK YOU?
• I suspect he intends to try and make some trouble for my new company, Cruise Avenue, (like how I worked that back in there?) under some misguided notion that his poorly written non-compete agreement (which I never signed in the first place) would stand up to being enforceable despite his terminating me. (It won’t.) If he’s found this blog already, I just want to make sure he realizes that I’m about 5 seconds from calling the IRS and blowing the whistle on all the illegal activities and kickbacks he’s sending to his corporate clients. Let’s just call that one of the aces I’m keeping in my hip pocket.
• As you can probably imagine, I’m pretty much in a state of mind that makes a vacation not only overdue, but a necessity. Luckily, I’ll be on the Carnival Elation this weekend going from San Diego to Ensenada and Catalina Island. I’ll be doing some training for Cruise Avenue’s new agents, but most of the trip will lots of sun, alcohol, and I might even splurge on a massage.
• I hear there’s a big blogger party going on this weekend. Apparently my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail. It’s ok, though. I’d much rather be on a ship. With strangers. With Swine Flu. And hemorrhoids.

So yeah, that’s what’s been on my mind lately. How are you all?

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How Zabouts Some Bullets?

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New Total Eclipse Promo Video

This is my new favorite. Tears in my eyes, even.

Mullet with Headlights!!!!

I’m totally using that the next time we perform this song with my band, Total Eclipse.

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Funniest thing you’ll see today

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A Pubic Service Announcement

I know, many of you couldn’t be happier that my blog will return to sporadic posts about nothing American Idol related.

But I’m actually sad to see the season end. I really do love critiquing the singers, and I truly enjoy the conversations these blog posts start (usually off line or on social networks).

Last week, Danny Gokey went home in a bit of a shocker.

The shocker is that America finally voted the way I told them to!

It’s a head-to-head battle between Adam Lambert, the flamboyant, scream queen, and Kris Allen, the triangle-mouthed, married church boy.

If you look at it in just the right way, there’s a bit of a reflection of American culture happening here… the battle between the gays and the godlys. The rock and roller versus the singer-songwriter. The fangirls versus, well, the other fangirls.

My thinking at the beginning of the show is that it will be very hard for Kris to beat Adam. It can be done, but it’s going to be hard.

Each contestant will perform 3 songs, the first being the contestant’s favorite from the competition so far, the second chosen by Simon Fuller, the creator of the show, and the third a single co-written by Kara.

Adam Lambert is up first and has chosen “Mad World” as his flashback performance. Controlled, pitch-perfect, and as good as the first performance. Randy gave him an “A+” for effort. Kara loved the performance choice. Paula is just unbelievably proud. Simon thought it was a bit over-theatrical tonight.

Kris Allen’s flashback choice is “Ain’t No Sunshine.” This was the performance that really made me a Kris fan. Tonight’s version is spectacular with the full orchestra behind him on the piano. He switched up the arrangement a little more for this show. Outstanding. Randy rambled on about the Lakers for some reason. He thought this was one of Kris’s best performances ever. Kara said he created an intimate bond with the audience. Paula called him a great artist. Simon wasn’t sure that America made the right choice putting Kris in the finale, but he has since decided after this performance that America was absolutely right.

Simon calls Round 1 for Kris.

“A Change is Gonna Come” is the song that Simon Fuller chose for Adam. This is a strange song choice in my mind. The original Sam Cooke song is amazing… Unless Simon Fuller is really playing on the gay card here, comparing the struggle of gays to the civil rights struggle of blacks in the 60s, which make it a brilliant choice. That being said, I hated this version. The melody is challenging enough without all the vocal gymnastics that Adam insisted on performing. There was no need to add his scream here. We all know he can do it, we all have heard it in every single song he’s performed up to this point. We get it. Why can’t you perform the song a little less scream-o, dear Adam? Randy called it “unbelievable.” Kara called it his best performance and interpretation of the season. Paula called it the best she’s ever heard him sing. Simon called him “100% back in the game.”

Simon Fuller picked “What’s Goin’ On” for Kris. Another R&B pick from the Marvin Gaye songbook. A small acoustic setup for this one. I love this interpretation, he’s stuck close to the melody, but changed up the rhythms and feel to fit with the bongos and the acoustic guitar. Loved it. Randy thought the song choice was great, but didn’t think it was big enough for the finale. Kara thought it was a great performance. Paula thought he tore that song up and made Marvin proud. Simon thought it sounded like it was 3 friends playing along to Marvin Gaye. He thought it was too laid back.

Simon calls Round 2 for Adam.

Adam is back to sing the new single co-written by Kara, “No Boundaries.” So. I don’t know if it’s just Adam’s arrangement, or if the song is really meant to have this weird frantic feel to it. It seems as though Adam was trying to sing the song faster than the band was playing it… almost as though they started at the wrong tempo and Adam was trying to push them along. It seemed very rushed and choppy. I could have heard this song being done a bit slower with perhaps a more gospel feel to it… maybe with a big choir? This is the first time I can ever remember thinking that a song was bigger than Adam. Randy thought it was just “all right.” Kara thanked him for giving her and the writers a good moment. Paula said he can sing anything. Simon said he wouldn’t judge the song, but just judge Adam. He called him one of the most original contestants ever on the show, and believes that they have found a world-wide star.

Kris is taking the stage for the last performance of the competition. He’s singing the same song, “No Boundaries.” It will be interesting to see how he arranges and interprets the song. The tempo is a bit slower. But it seems as though Kris might be having a little trouble hearing himself, or the song’s range is just slightly out of reach. It’s not quite right. Randy called him an amazing performer and thinks the song fits his voice better than Adam. Kara thought the song was in too high of a key, and hopes that he doesn’t get judged on that one song. Paula called him compelling. Simon called his progress on the show amazing.

Wow.

So, it really has been one of the most interesting seasons of American Idol. The contestants are showing more artistic ability than ever before.

I really don’t care which two of these guys win. I have reasons for wanting either of them to get the title. I will say that I am more likely to rush out to buy a Kris Allen album before an Adam Lambert album.

I think Adam will win.

What do you think? Did Adam trounce Kris tonight?

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American Idol Season 8: Final Performances