Jesus Needs New PR--Author Matthew Paul Turner

hospital blocks my blog

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:02:00 +0000

A friend on Twitter was at a hospital and wasn't able to view my blog. He kept receiving this message.

:)

jesus pictures of the day! (the knocker edition)

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:51:00 +0000

"Behold. It's HOUSEKEEPING! If you let me come inside I'll dust your aorta." -Jesus

OR

"I brought Whopper Jrs with cheese." -Jesus

"Mommy, there's a woman with a beard knocking on our door." Little kid inside house

Towel head? (perhaps a Martha Stewart brand?)

Bring the knocking home. This little statue will let Jesus know that he can knock on your door anytime.

"Hey June, it's Jesus... that same darn lamb got in your backyard again."

Does "Jesus" have a boob?

"It saves time doing it this way. Yeah, Jim in the office next to yours told me I could come in if you said it was okay."

"Now, look what you made me do? My doves got out again."-Woman

"Eeeh, macarena!" -Jesus

"You're totally home. I can see you through the window. You're playing cards."

I couldn't think of anything clever for this one... but I love his braided hair.

miracle by robbie seah band

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:00:00 +0000

Miracle from Robbie Seay Band on Vimeo.

pretty amazing video production

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:17:00 +0000

Womanizer in LA hands

Sliimy | MySpace Video

Wow.

the right community

noreply@blogger.com (Stephen) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:42:00 +0000

by Stephen Lamb

After reading Matthew's posts in the last week about Joel Osteen and John Piper, I thought I'd try to add another dimension to this discussion. There are a couple of things that may provide a helpful background for this post. One, I went through a period a couple years ago where I frequently listened to five or ten of John Piper's sermons a week and quoted him nonstop. But these days, I don't find myself in agreement with much that he says. Two, many of these thoughts were prompted by a discussion I had recently with a friend who used to live in the Houston area, who presents a rather in-depth, informed argument on why he thinks Piper's theology is more dangerous than that of Osteen's. At the same time, after having worked for a television network that played Joel Osteen's program for a couple years, I don't find much to like there, either, and much that concerns me regarding the implications of his theology. This post details where I find myself now. It may also be helpful to note again that Matthew's original posts were satire, which "exaggerate... in order to make a point."

Having grown up in Fundamentalism, it can be hard for me to see much in it now that I think is good. I have family members who still attend a church I used to be a part of that I am no longer able to visit when I'm in town because of what it does to my soul. But when I look at what the church offers to those family members, the life-giving support they receive from that church body and the ways it helps and prompts them to minister to those around them, I am grateful for it, for their sake. I am learning - or trying to learn, at least - to not demand unadulterated truth from a group or church before seeing anything good in it, as if unadulterated truth were even possible for man, fallible as we are. In the same way that Christianity is not a list of boxes to be checked off, we show off Christ, we become His instruments, when we show grace to others who don't have it all "right."

As soon as I write that, I can think of a hundred objections, of reasons why we must warn people away from _____ ministry. "But that pastor likes to remind his congregation yearly that Mother Teresa is in hell, and that church teaches that God hates _____ [pick a people group / demographic you're not a part of]." Or, "that "ministry" teaches that if you say their magic phrase three times in a row, or if you send in x amount of money, God will be obligated to bless you." And I get it. I've argued that a thousand times. I think there are teachings that are dangerous, things that must be warned against, theologies which have devastating, soul-crushing implications. I don't have the answers as to where we draw the line. But I'm becoming less and less convinced that it is all black-and-white.

In How (Not) to Speak of God, Irish theologian/philosopher Peter Rollins, one of my favorite authors, fleshes this concept out in a particularly helpful way in the middle of a discussion about orthodoxy and orthopraxy - that is, right belief and right practice. Pete writes:

"This means that the question, 'What do you believe?' must always be accompanied by the question, 'How do you believe?' We are left then with the idea of orthodoxy and orthopraxis as two terms which refer to a loving engagement with the world that is mediated, though not enslaved by, our reading of the Bible.

We can see an embodiment of this approach to orthodoxy in a situation I once found myself in, where two people from the same church, at different times, approached me to ask if I thought that their church taught the truth. The first person to ask me was a kind and gracious individual who gave of his time and money in a sacrificial manner. The church was not only a comfort to him but also a place of challenge and critique. I listened for a while before saying that I thought his church did emanate truth. Within weeks of this conversation, I met the second person. It was obvious when talking to him that his experience of the same church had been very negative. The teaching was dead to him and the type of projects which the church engaged in had done little to challenge or encourage this individual to live in a genuinely sacrificial manner. Here I found myself saying that this church did not emanate truth (at least for him).

This makes little sense within a modernist paradigm, for the idea of affirming a church as true includes the idea that you think that church is true for all, and to think that one church teaches the truth implies that you necessarily judge any church which contradicts its teaching as incorrect. Yet this need not be the case, as we can illustrate via the parable in which two camels are being led to market. One camel is loaded down with salt while the other is weighed down with cotton. On the way to the market they encounter a river which has burst its banks from a rainstorm the night before and has flooded the road. At one particularly deep part the camels are almost completely submerged. When they finally get to the other side, the camel with the salt on its back has gained a renewed sense of strength, as the water has largely dissolved the salt. However, the camel with the cotton collapses in exhaustion, for the cotton has absorbed much of the water.

In this parable we see how the same stream was experienced in two markedly different ways that depended upon the burdens that each camel brought to it. In the same way, one church may help one person to become more Christ like, while oppressing another: the idea of a single congregation being judged right or wrong in some universal way is naïve. Yet this is not an apology for relativism, because in the same way that we see the first camel as having had a better experience of the water because it is freed from a heavy load, so we must judge our various traditions according to whether they tend towards freeing their congregation from their burdens, helping to transform them into more Christlike individuals. However, if a church is not helping in our transformation, then the problem need not be the church's, or our own; rather, this may simply be the wrong context for us to be in. Rather than encouraging people to join our community (whatever 'our' community happens to be), we ought to be trying to help people to find the right community that will aid them in their further conversion.

jesus picture of the day

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:23:00 +0000

Caption?

dear john piper

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:30:00 +0000

Hello Mr. Piper!

Or is it Dr. Piper? (Haha! That sounds like a soda name.)

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to call you, sir; however, I know you're a smart guy and often eat people like me for the Lord's Supper. The rumor is you have a PHD in God. And I know for a fact that I've never known anybody who knows more about pestilence than you, John. But whatever your degree, it's not a secret that YOU'RE BRILLIANT. Everybody talks about it. Joshua Harris pretty much squeals like a girl when he mentions you on his blog. And Mark Driscoll seems to like you better than he likes his jockstrap. And he really likes his jockstrap.

Seriously, John, to some people, your brilliance is the sixth point of Calvinism--TULIPP!

It's no secret that I disagree with your theology, and more importantly, how you EXPRESS your theology, but I respect you as a well-studied individual who could run circles around me in a game of Puritan trivia.

Sure, I think you're the grumpiest Christian since Jonathan Edwards, but your knowledge of the Apostle Paul is astounding.

If you were my Grandpa, I'd need narcotics and a stuffed animal. But John, you write your own books, and I admire that.

But John, on Saturday, you took a semi-dramatic turn toward crazy. It all started with the following Tweet:

Is anyone really addicted to porn? Put a blow torch in their face; they will turn off the computer. IF they believe its real.

Now, John, that right there is not a smart Tweet. It's mean, cryptic, and written as though you believe it's inspired by the Holy Spirit--ALL key signs that it's your Tweet--but it's missing that braininess I've come to expect from you. Where's the biblical reference that you usually include? Sure, the Bible verse you set beside your Tweets is often taken out of context or at least, shoved into your context, but at least it screams you and your theology. We miss that when it's absent, John.

Now, if that Tweet had come from somebody like Glen Beck or Bill O'Reilly, most people would probably giggle and wait for the truth to get released on TMZ.com. But it's you, John--the Optimus Prime of the Christformers--TMZ.com doesn't care about you. Only America's ELECT care about you, and they are waiting for an answer. Well, some of them are waiting for an answer, the ones who have been predestined before the foundations of the earth to be waiting for an answer. They can't help that they're waiting for your answer, John. It's not their choice.

So, come on, stop being the Holy Riddler: TELL US WHAT YOU MEAN!

Do you have a secret you need to share? Don't be afraid to tell us--we're Americans: WE LOVE SECRETS. Have you become a welder? Have you been Googling for pictures of Levi Johnston? Did Jesus appear to you as an Arminian? Or God-forbid, a Jew?!

Whatever it is, John, you can tell us.

Is your Tweet a real question? I mean, are you truly wondering if people are addicted to porn? Is that really what you're asking?

THE ANSWER IS YES, JOHN. PEOPLE ARE ADDICTED TO PORN.

I realize you're The John Piper, but you aren't the only person on the planet. Just because you don't have an addiction to porn doesn't mean that others--MANY OTHERS--aren't spending hours upon hours sitting in front of their laptops, looking at images, and pleasuring themselves.

Can I ask you a question, John? Are you really curious to know what would happen if you put a blowtorch in a porn addict's face? Or is this blowtorch thing a fetish? A hobby? Is it a hazing practice that the men on your staff have to endure prior to being hired?

All day long on Saturday people asked you to explain yourself. Of course, you didn't answer anybody on Twitter--that's too close to "community" for somebody like you. Then, on Sunday, you offered this Tweet:

Elder porn. "Have you seen what the elders of Israel are doing in the dark, each in his room of pictures?" Ezekiel 8:12.

What?! Who is Elder Porn? Are you suggesting these Israeli elders were masturbating in this dark room of pictures? How could they see the pictures if the room was dark? We just don't understand, John. And we want to--we really want to. Your quirky mean-spiritedness is usually so self-explanatory.

Listen, John, I'm not judging you; I'm actually looking out for you. As much as I hate your spiritual philosophies, I definitely wouldn't want you to become as loopy as "Limited Atonement"--you know, the one point that even Calvinists don't understand.

I hope to hear from you soon, John--you know, if it's been predestined.

Matthew

PS: Please don't have me killed. I'm a nice guy, really. And a part of God's glory, too--just like AA members, gay people, and you, John! Yep, somehow you're a part of God's glory, too. It's called grace. You should try it sometime.

answering fan mail

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:10:00 +0000

The following comment was written to me in regards to the Joel Osteen post.

I will attempt to answer some of her questions.

You're seriously a Christian??

Yes, ma'am, I am a Christian.

Because this sounded like an atheist's rant on Joel Osteen.

With all due respect, I doubt an atheist would give too much time to Joel Osteen's thoughts about earthly blessings. I think, if anything, my post almost proves that I'm a Christian. Perhaps because it shows that I care.

How much money are you making off of this website?

Zilch. The ads you see are a part of the Guidepost Blog Network, and the network sort of failed. I haven't made one dime from being included in that network. Your comment has actually reminded me that I should probably take them off my site. At some point, I'd like to make a little extra money from my blogging. I certainly have the traffic. But so far, I haven't.

Your rude, cynical tweets?

Again, I receive no money from my rude, cynical Tweets, and even the nice ones don't pay.

And your own book?

Well, I received an advance for my book. And I could probably buy a decent car with the check I received, if I spent it all at once. However, Joel Osteen received $12 million for his book advance, more than any other "author" in history. And that's great for him! I have no issue with people making money. This post was not a rant about people making money.

Good thing God gives enough grace for me, you, AND Joel.

And Mongolia. I think people forget about Mongolia.

And good thing God doesn't measure the amount of grace He gives us based off of YOUR standards

I completely agree.

But you might also consider this: God doesn't use Joel's standards for granting "blessings" and "favor," either. While my comments about Joel's theology were trite, immature, and sometimes humorous--the same could be said about Joel's thoughts about God.

Which was my point.

...

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:10:00 +0000

FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH DALLAS LAUNCHES
$130 MILLION CAPITAL BUILDING CAMPAIGN:
Proposed 21st Century, State-of-the-Art Campus is Largest in Modern
History; Adds Spiritual Element to Downtown Dallas Revitalization

"And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded."

Now that's good satire.

**NOTE: When I first posted this, I mistakenly said it was Ed Young's church. It's NOT. It's Robert Jeffress's church. I'm sorry for the confusion.

But all Dallas churches look alike to me.

But really, $130 million for a church?

tennessee man sees jesus in truck window

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:07:00 +0000

Jesus has made a new appearance.

This time, he showed up on an old man's pickup truck.

what the (fill in the blank)?

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:58:00 +0000

Craigslist Jesus

No.

I refuse to believe the artist was being serious when he/she/devil painted this picture.

Can it seriously be real?

Thoughts?

It literally makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

(A Facebook friend send this to me.)

jesus pictures of the day

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:07:00 +0000

Oh, yeah, Jesus died for the sins of Asia, too. I forget that sometimes.

I think I know where this picture is going, and I'm pretty sure I feel guilty about it.

Yep, k.d. lang is poking Jesus.

No quips for this one. Just thought it was sort of interesting.

the great western heresy

noreply@blogger.com (Stephen) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:48:00 +0000

In the coming months, a few of my friends will be writing blog posts at Jesus Needs New PR. Today is that kind of day. The following post was written by my fellow fundamentalism survivor Stephen Lamb.

At the opening address of the 2009 General Convention of the Episcopal Church this summer, the Most Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori, the presiding Bishop, had this to say: "The overarching connection in all of these crises has to do with the great Western heresy – that we can be saved as individuals, that any of us alone can be in right relationship with God. It’s caricatured in some quarters by insisting that salvation depends on reciting a specific verbal formula about Jesus. That individualist focus is a form of idolatry, for it puts me and my words in the place that only God can occupy, at the center of existence, as the ground of being."

Her comments, as you might imagine, have set off a firestorm of feedback, though I've yet to see a rebuttal that has as its basis an intellectually honest reading of the sacred scriptures along with an acknowledgment of how the world works. If I'm allowed to say that I think she was overstating her case in order to make the point, then I would assert that I agree with her statement.

We all have certain lenses through which we "do theology." They have to do with our familial upbringing, our religious experiences, our presuppositions, etc. While it can be difficult to identify all the things we bring to the table, I can pinpoint two people at least whose influence informs the way I think about religion and theology. The first is my Great Grandfather, John R. Rice, one of the biggest Fundamentalist leaders of the 20th century. (See here for more about him.) I tell people the second formative principle for me can best be summed up by this autobiographical statement: I don't talk to my father much ever since God told him to kill me, my mother, and my siblings. It should come as no surprise, then, that I am a bit skeptical of any claims regarding the value and/or legitimacy of an individualist Christianity. Larry Crabb addresses this fallacy in much of his writing, summed up best here: "The greatest lie believed today is that one can know God without being known by someone else."

I also find Reinhold Neibuhr's writings in this regard to be particularly helpful. This short essay below is from his book Leaves from the Notebook of a Tamed Cynic, written in 1924 during his first pastorate just out of Seminary. While he deals here specifically with revival meetings that press for "emotional commitments to Christ," I would expand his category to encompass most of the preaching I hear, to say nothing of much of the "art" produced by the subculture responsible for those revival meetings.

A revival meeting seems never to get under my skin. Perhaps I am too fish-blooded to enjoy them. But I object not so much to the emotionalism as to the lack of intellectual honesty of the average revival preacher. I do not mean to imply that the evangelists are necessarily consciously dishonest. They just don't know enough about life and history to present the problem of the Christian life in its full meaning. They are always assuming that nothing but an emotional commitment to Christ is needed to save the soul from its sin and chaos. They seem never to realize how many of the miseries of mankind are due not to malice but to misdirected zeal and unbalanced virtue. They never help the people who corrupt family love by making the family a selfish unit in society or those who brutalize industry by excessive devotion to the prudential virtues.

Of course that is all inevitable enough. If you don't simplify issues you can't arouse emotional crises. It's the melodrama that captivates the crowd. Sober history is seldom melodramatic. God and the devil may be in conflict on the scene of life and history, but a victory follows every defeat and some kind of defeat every victory. The representatives of God are seldom divine and the minions of Satan are never quite diabolical.

I wonder whether there is any way of being potent oratorically without over-simplifying truth. Or must power always be bought at the expense of truth? Perhaps some simplification of life is justified. Every artist does, after all, obscure some details in order to present others in bolder relief. The religious rhetorician has a right to count himself among, and take his standards from, the artists rather than the scientists. The trouble is that he is usually no better than a cartoonist.

Speaking of cartoonists - the good kind, this time - check out this cartoon by David Hayward over at NakedPastor.com that provides a great visual accompaniment for the opening thoughts of this post.

blacklight

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:08:00 +0000

[download]

This is freaky.

it's OUR time

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:30:00 +0000

Joel O$teen i$ back with a new book and it'$ not about him! Crazy, huh? But true. Thi$ time around it'$ all about YOU.

More $pecifically--your TIME.

And according to Pa$tor O$teen, it'$ your time NOW to purcha$e hi$ new book, It's Your Time: Activate Your Faith, Achieve Your Dreams, and Increase in God's Favor

Lucky for Joel, all of OUR TIME$ hit at exactly the $AME time. Right now.

Let'$ $ee what we've won.

$o what'$ thi$ new book all about? Well, here'$ what the publi$her provided... (my per$onal & mostly $narky comment$ are in red).

FROM THE PUBLI$HER:

Get your hope$ up.

Rai$e your expectation$.

Achieve that erection.

Your be$t day$ are in front of you.

Except for tho$e of you who have won the lottery... your be$t day$ are long gone.

In challenging time$ (he mean$ Obama-time$), it may be hard to $ee better day$ ahead (True! Unle$$ you're God, a p$ychic, or Erwin McManu$--the latter i$ like a combo of the former$).

You may feel a$ though your $truggle$ will never end, that thing$ won't ever turn around for you.

Aw, that $entence right there could be a nice beginning to a Celine Dion $ong.

Thi$ i$ exactly the moment to put your faith into action and expect God'$ ble$$ing$.

$weet, Joel! Doe$ the book come with a calculator? Or do you tell u$ how much money God is going to give u$.

It'$ your time to declare your faith (as a tax deduction?), to look for God'$ favor ($hould we do that at your $2.5 million man$ion in Hou$ton?), and to give control of your life to Him $o that you can find fulfillment in Hi$ plan$ for you (Wait. Wa$n't this an Amy Grant-reality show on NBC?)!

It'$ Your Time to believe.

It'$ not ea$y to alway$ be optimi$tic. Life can be difficult (Tell a $tory about Victoria! Tell a $tory about Victoria!), and in hard economic time$ it'$ not ju$t your finance$ that $uffer. Your relation$hip$ can be $trained (Tell a $tory about Victoria!). Your health can be $tre$$ed.

You're going to tell us that $tory about the time in 1992 when you and Victoria couldn't afford to pay your car payment and Daddy had to mail you a check and it took THREE days to arrive, right? Ye$. Tell that $tory. It'$ a good one.

When one part of your life after another take$ a bad turn (like that time I was driving home from work and ended up in Printer'$ Alley with Wanda and Roberta after midnight--NOW THAT WA$ A BAD TURN), you can feel like there i$ no end in $ight (oh, there were many end$ in $ight), no way out.

The truth i$, maybe you don't have an an$wer. But God doe$! Maybe you don't have the $trength. But God doe$!

It'$ Your Time for favor.

CAN I GET THREE FAVOR$? The magic genie in the lamp grant$ three wi$he$.

In It'$ Your Time, be$t-$elling author Joel O$teen, pa$tor of the nation'$ large$t (and WEALTHIE$T!) church, offer$ the in$pirational truth that no matter where you $tand in life (good, cuz I'm $tanding on the promi$e$ of Joel!), you are never alone (do George & Barbara Bu$h really live in your $ub-divi$ion?). He remind$ you al$o that the bigger your burden, the greater your ble$$ing$ to come.

What? Sooooo... that pretty much means we should expect the people of Africa to strike gold, right?

You may have neglected God, but He ha$ not abandoned you.

I'll "Amen" you on that one.

He ha$ already relea$ed good thing$ into your future.

With $parkle dust? PLEA$E TELL GOD TO BRING $PARKLE DUST

A$ long a$ you're breathing, you can $till reclaim Hi$ favor by renewing your faith and accepting Hi$ plan$ for you.

Wait. Can it be the kind of "breathing" that require$ a tank of oxygen? Are tho$e people included?

It'$ Your Time for re$toration. (Hardware? Yes.)

In the$e page$, Joel offer$ a$urance$ that God doe$ not want you to merely $urvive challenging time$ (or to have to do it with dingy-looking knobs on our cabinets), He want$ you to thrive (Yes. I'm totally going to get brushed SILVER!). When you give your life over to Him, God will $end opportunitie$ your way $o that you can $oar to new height$ of (sexual) fulfillment.

Just like bald eagles... and vultures!

Hi$tory ha$ $hown that the mo$t difficult time$ can $erve a$ cataly$t$ for creativity (go Darfur!), innovation (thank you, India), and accompli$hment (我們在中國恨上帝，但我們知道電子!!!!!!!!!). If you hold on to your faith, a$k for God'$ favor, and don't give in to depre$$ion or di$couragement (I will take my Cymbalta), you will emerge not bitter but better, not a victim but a victor.

It'$ Your Time to tru$t.

God already i$ working in your life to arrange the right people (I reque$t Oprah!), the right $kill$ (figure $kater!), and the right opportunitie$ to give you the tool$ (he said tool... ) you need to fulfill and exceed your dream$.

Drawing from Joel'$ experience$ (from the late 80s & the early 90s) and tho$e of (foreign & poor) people around the world, It'$ Your Time offer$ me$$age$ of faith, hope, and $trength to help you ri$e above any circum$tance $o that you can fulfill God'$ be$t plan for your life.

And don't forget about the erection...

It'$ Your Time to $tretch. (Now we're talkin... )

Joel ha$ filled thi$ book with bold new prayer$ (like $pells?), in$piring $torie$ (oh, please tell the one about the woman from Atlanta who read Rick Warren's book to the man who was going to rape and kill her but instead of doing that, he let her go and she wrote a 300-page book all about it--I love that story...), and practical tool$ for moving forward in faith (and come on, Joel, throw in a free phone call with $uze Ornman for kick$). You will find in$piration from other$ who have overcome adver$ity (and E.D.) and achieved their dream$. You will find proven method$ for not ju$t picking up the piece$ but for building a new life better than you'd imagined.

The hopeful me$age$ and warm encouragement$ (he means fuzzies) in thi$ book will pu$h you to expand your horizon$ (BOING!) beyond what you thought you were capable of doing $o that you might go even farther than you'd ever dreamed of going.

But wait. The mortgage will get paid, right? And our marriage will work out? And our kid won't die from his brain cancer? And we'll find the job that we've been hunting for since last January? And what about the African babies... what sort of ble$$ings do you see in their future, Joel...

Becau$e it'$ OUR TIME. Our time to achieve our dream$ & increa$e in God'$ favor--that'$ the $ubtitle of YOUR timely book, right?

That i$ what you're $aying, Joel, right?

It'$ Your Time!

Thank$ I thought $o.

transform

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:34:00 +0000

TransFORM: Missional Community Formation from TransFORM on Vimeo.

Missional pastors and practitioners talk about the joys and struggles of forming missional communities of practice

Check out the website.

jesus picture of the day...

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:31:00 +0000

"You got lucky. Come on... best out of three." -Jesus

the 'emergent christian t-shirt'?

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:17:00 +0000

Hilarious.

I first discovered this new t-shirt here.

christian cliches

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:13:00 +0000

Cliches happen.

And I'll be the first to confess that, as hard as I try to avoid using them, I've written and spoken them on numerous occasions. Sometimes by accident. Once in a while on purpose.

With that said, I still try to avoid using cliches, especially the Christian kind of cliches...

On Saturday, I was scanning my radio and the dial fell on one of the local Christian radio stations here in Nashville. The announcer said, "In at number 13 is the band Kutless with 'What Faith Can Do'."

Rather than pushing the "scan" button again, I stopped to listen. And behold, what I heard was the largest cluster of Christiany cliches known to man--like a Joel Osteen sermon set to music.

Listen for yourself.

[download]

Here are the lyrics... Can you count the cliches?

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

I realize that, in certain instances, cliches are used purposefully, and that it's impossible to avoid them entirely.

But to me, the above song represents a lack of creativity, and not just in the lyrics, but also in melody and delivery...

Which probably means it will be a smash hit.

So... how many cliches do you count in "What Faith Can Do"?

anna ternheim's what have I done? (acoustic)

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 02:48:00 +0000

Amazing. I want that piano.

churched in song?

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:21:00 +0000

This kid pretty much sings three chapters of Churched, and he does it to the tune of "Shout To the Lord."

Pretty funny.

Discovered at Crazy Christian Clips.

christian culture?

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:32:00 +0000

OR culture's Christianity?

For the record, I think Jesus LOVES all whales--baby, gay, humpback, killer, or otherwise.

is your ministry sexy?

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:38:00 +0000

On Monday evening I spoke at Mississippi College in Clinton, Mississippi. My first of three "speaking engagements" at the school was about social media and ministry. The audience was 25 seminary students and pastors. It was a fun group of people, mostly 20 and 30-something men who were furthering their education by taking classes one day a week while working full time ministry in some capacity.

After the class, I had dinner with one of the students. His name is Ben (name changed). He's 31. A husband. Father of 4 children (all under the age of 6). And he's a pastor of a small Baptist church in what he called "the poorest county in the United States."

The day-to-day ministry that Ben engages is much different than the ministry of many modern pastors, at least the ones who "shine" in culture's spotlight and get asked to speak at conferences. His biggest issues don't include satellite campuses or multi-colored light shows or praise and worship services or second and third services... he told me, "I'd love to have any of those problems."

And then he smiled. "But I'm here for a reason."

On a weekly basis, Ben's ministry worries include battles over racism, finding the time to visit members of his aging congregation in the hospital, and trying to encourage the high school students in his church to stay in school. And then there's his sermon preparation: Sunday morning sermon. Sunday evening sermon. And also Wednesday evening sermon.

To some, his form of ministry is simple minded. To others, it's boring and un-engaging. It's definitely not sexy.

"It's hard," says Ben, "And it doesn't help that I'm a people-pleaser. Plus, it's just me. I don't have any full-time help."

"How do you stay healthy?" I asked.

He smiled. "I don't really know if I do stay healthy."

The people he serves are poor, set in their ways, older, passionate about God and truth, and not always the easiest people to be around.

But Ben and his family serve them to the best of their ability.

I'm inclined to think that most of the ministry happening in small towns across the US looks more like what Ben is doing in Mississippi than what Rick is doing in California or Ed in Texas or Perry in South Carolina. It's a simple ministry. Out-of-the-spotlight. Hard. Sometimes mundane. Performed with little-to-no budget. Old school.

The next day, I had coffee with Ben's professor. "Ben's a good soul," he told me. "He works for God in a difficult county, that's for sure. But sometimes God asks us to go to the ugly places. Listen, ministry is hard and overwhelming anywhere. But how many of us would do hard, overwhelming ministry without the big building, a staff, in a poor segment of the United States?"

I just nodded at him.

Would you do ministry for God that isn't sexy? I'd do short-term non-sexy ministry for God. I would definitely do that. But full time?

I don't know if I could/would.

Just being honest.

I commend people like "Ben," for they are the salt of the earth.

jesus spanks...

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:12:00 +0000

I'd like to thank Chad for this picture, though he wants everybody to know: He did not draw this picture.

jesus pictures of the day (stiff edition)

MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com (Matthew Paul Turner) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:40:00 +0000

"The artist was an Eskimo." -Jesus

Eating Disorder Jesus

"How many fingers am I holding up?" -Jesus

"Hey, it happens." -Jesus

"As I was posing for this one, I was singing 'Waterloo' by ABBA. That song puts me in a good mood." -Jesus

"Why is my face silvery and shining? Just because I'm Jesus doesn't mean I walk around shimmering all the time." -Jesus

"Well, at the time, I was doing some consulting work for Southwest Airlines. Hey, don't laugh; it was a fantastic working environment." -Jesus

"They told me to cry. And so, I did. I'm Jesus; I can do anything. Crying is actually pretty easy." -Jesus

"Get it? I'm not on the cross; I'm shaped like the cross. That's called creativity." -Jesus

"Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy and also tourists. And once in a while, free hugs." -Jesus