JetSetWilly's Guff Emporium

Play it: Dishonored (360/PS3/PC, Arkane/Bethesda)

2014-05-20T22:40:00.001+01:00

The city of Dunwall is in chaos. A ravenous plague is sweeping the city, turning its inhabitants into "Weepers": infected people bleeding from the eyes and ears. After returning back from an unsuccessful attempt to illicit help from a neighbouring city, Corvo Attano is wrongfully framed for the murder of the Empress. After escaping from jail and going underground with some help from Loyalists, Corvo now helps to restore order to the city, whilst looking for the Empress' missing daughter, the rightful heir to the throne of Dunwall. However, a cruel twist of fate has a last trick to play....

Playing very much like Looking Glass Studio's PC hit Thief from the late 90's, Dishonored is played in nearly the same way. You must get from A to B however you can via 3 ways: Stealth, mixture of stealth and brutality and just sheer brutality. However, the more you play one way affects the ending. Do more stealth than killing? Low Chaos and the happy ending. Go on an all out attack? Here, have a bleak ending. The more chaos you do, the more weepers there are, and the more packs of rats that roam the streets, too. This keeps the game fresh, and ensures plenty of replay value. Along with this play pattern, you can also pickpocket people without being seen (again, something borrowed from Thief), and there are also multiple routes to get to your objective. Want to go over the roof tops? Sure. hide in the shadows and wait for people to go past? Go for it. You're afforded the freedom to play the game your way, ensuring non linearity. The AI is smart. Very smart. Once you've been spotted, the enemy will call for back up, meaning a lone guard can be helped by roughly 4 other guards, meaning fighting them all is suicide, and escape being your only option. Once you've been spotted, the guards will stay alerted. Even once the meter has calmed down (identified by 3 lightning bolts on each side of the enemies head), they'll still be quick to spot you, so you have to take them out quickly, or just avoid them at all costs.

Along with this, you can upgrade your weapons, like the crossbow, increasing the range, and power of the weapon. One upgrade even adds another barrel to your standard pistol, making it double barreled, adding more firepower. On your travels through the game, you also come across runes and bone charms, which can be collected. This is after you're taken to a transworld plane, and meet The Outsider, who grants you the power to cast arkane magic, with powers like Blink, which allows you to zip from one place to another, Swarm, where you can summon packs of rats to aid you, Whirlwind, which blasts wind at your foes, knocking them from their feet, and possession, which as the name suggests, allows you to possess animals and, once upgraded, even people. Yes, even these powers can be upgraded too, allowing for more powerful abilities, like killing your foes renders them to dust, making the stealth path easier to tread.

The game controls really well, with the button layout thought about methodically. Yes, you do have to do some combos, but it never feels haphazard in the approach. The game flows really smoothly, and you'll soon be stringing together Blink and either assassination or choke hold for unconsciousness like a pro. It really is a game to master, and figuring out the best route and approach is easily one of the best mechanics of the game.

One neat feature sis the ability to hack panels for alarms (disabling them), wall of light (making them zap your enemies into dust instead of you) and arc towers (same as the tesla coils on C&C Red Alert 3), turning them to your advantage if there are three or more enemies in your way.

All in all, its a fully packed game with about 6 hours of play time per path roughly. You should be able to pick it up quite cheaply, or go for the GOTY edition, with all the downloadable content included. A game that leaves you wanting more, lets just hope there's a sequel, taking us back to the steampunk city of Dunwall, and letting us play the further adventures of Corvo. One of the best games of the last gen. Don't Miss it.

Returning from the Gwave: Flashback (XBLA, Ubisoft)

2013-09-15T19:56:00.000+01:00

Format: XBLA, PSN (?)

Price: 1200pts (or £9.99)

Publisher: Ubisoft

They erased his memory. They took him prisoner. Now, he's on a mission to regain his identity, and stop an invasion before it's begun.

The original version of Flashback arrived in 1993 to much fanfare. It boasted gorgeous graphics, rotoscoped animation, clever level design and intuitive puzzles, and was released on most of the formats of the time, with a remastered version on the 3DO. It's storyline is thus:

Conrad Hart, special agent is captured by aliens, and, after recording a message to himself in his holocube, has his memory erased, so that he cannot tell the rest of the human race of an impending alien invasion. After escaping from his cell, he manages to steal a SkyBike and escape the alien installation in the jungle. However, the aliens give chase in their patrol cruiser, and shoot him down. Crashing into the jungle, Conrad must now find a way back to civilisation, regain his memory, and thwart the aliens plans for world domination.

Cool, huh? Well, the original was an absolute classic. It played well, sounded good, and looked beautiful. So, Ubisoft thought that the time was right to release an updated version for the modern market, with improved visuals, level designs, added features and gameplay elements, voice acting and lots of other whistles and bells. And, it also includes the original game! So, what under the bonnet?

Firstly, the graphics have been completely overhauled. They look pretty neat, and Conrad now looks like a Nathan Drake rip off. Which I suppose isn't really bad. The whole game is now 2.5D, like many side scrolling games nowadays, but as I said earlier, it does look good. The locales are as lush as you could ever see them, especially in glorious HD.

It also sounds as good as it looks, with an update of the original Flashback theme playing on the title menu. However, some of the voice acting & script is just awful. Who the hell says 'awesome sauce'? Really. It makes me cringe every time I hear it. Even some of the voice acting is terrible. I'd have just rather the characters remain mute than this.

Control-wise, it's easy to pick up and play. The controls are nice and fluid. After aquiring your gun, you aim with the right stick for more precision, which is a nice touch, as you have enemies above and below, and the button layout is quite easy to use also. The level layouts are roughly the same, but with some added areas that keep it fresh. But, the problem is, the game is now a bit more ho-hum. The first level, as I remember it, was actually quite tough, and quite long. This one, however, is quite short, and even though I'm playing it on normal, I'm finding it quite easy, and here in lies the problem. Even after playing the first level, I never found it a challenge. Sure, the first game gave you a challenge, but it wasnt to the point of infuriating. This is just stupidly easy, and, if I'm honest, a little boring.

But, wait! There's more! Also included from the off is the 1993 original! Surely, this should redeem it. Ummm, no. Not really. It's a very nice and cool idea, however (and it's a big one), the game is played as though it's in an arcade cabinet. Not a problem, I hear you cry. But, there is. The screen mode is forever played with an arcade screen surround, and the main game area is just a small square in the middle, making the game hard to see. And no, you can't change it. Not now. Not ever. So, you're forever squinting. And, where's the goddamn music??? There's no music on the menu screen, no music on the cut screens, no music at all! And the game is made harder with the fact that you cannot remap the controls to suit you, so most of the time, instead of whipping out your gun for a firefight, you're looking at your holocube for the umpteenth time, and promptly get shot. It totally ruins this classic in every way shape and form. If they're going to ruin a classic, they shouldn't have added it as a feature.

I can see what they were attempting, and I applaud them for trying it. It does have some nice ideas, some good controls (on the remake, anyway) and it looks great. But, I can't help but feel as though it should have been a little tougher. It's a case of style over substance, and it's a shame, as it's a classic that was crying out for a rerelease in today's market, as it had all the ingredients of a corker. And being worked on by the original team, they should really have known better.

Crap Movie Corner Triple Strike Editon: Lavathian, Deepstar Six & The Dark Side of the Moon

2013-06-04T21:39:00.000+01:00

Some crap movies can be entertaining (take Lifeforce for example), but some can be just downright terrible. Here I present three that are just awful, they just shouldn't even be watched.

Laviathian (MGM, 1989)
Starring Peter Weller & Richard Crenna, the story centres on a deep sea team who stumble upon a sunken Russian ship. One of the team finds a hip flask of vodka and, sharing it with another crew mate, they start to mutate. Cue lots of elements stolen from The Thing, blood, assimilations and Peter Weller running around with the worlds fattest barrelled Flame-Thrower. Also, cue lots of monster special effects (which I suppose aren't too bad), some rubbish dialogue and lots of crap acting (especially from Ernie Hudson). The story is a shameless The Thing rip off, and doesn't even hide it. I couldn't wait for it to end.

Deepstar Six (Carolco, 1989)
Again, an underwater adventure, this one sees a team sent by the navy to recover nuclear missiles. After blasting a cave closed, a monster that is the weirdest looking in movie history, is iunleashed, ripping Matt McCoy in half, pulling Nia Peeples under the water and eating her, seeing Miguel Ferrer decompress and explode and the captain of the expedition get trapped in a door and drowns himself. The monster is shit, the script is shit, the storyline of one of the characters expecting a baby is mentioned then forgot about, but it does have gore on its side.....and that's it. Pure crap.

The Dark Side Of The Moon (Vidmark, 1989)

An expedition to the moon ends in disaster when a space shuttle is found, and an ancient evil, dispelled from Earth is unleashed. Sounds good, yeah? It's actually very bad. It has gore and blood in, but that can't save a poorly executed plot, no-one knowing who is who (another stolen The Thing idea), cheap special effects and slow pacing. And how can anyone be controlled by a demon by pushing their face into a cut open stomach? Saying that, there are breasts in it (always a winner), it's a shame the bird is as ugly as the bottom of a bucket.

All in all, a selection of crap films, of which only.....well, only Deepstar Six is any cop. And it's still crap.

Speccy Capers: OutRun (Sega/Probe/US Gold - 1987)

2013-05-24T16:47:00.002+01:00

Awesome titlescreen. If only they could have animated that ingame.

OutRun is one of those games that's a milestone of 80's arcade gaming. Sega's magnum opus, OutRun saw you drive a bloody fast Ferrari Testarossa across 16 varying tracks, that range from a beach, to English countryside to a desert. At the end of the current track, the road splits, letting you choose whether to go left (and make the game easy), or go right (and make the game harder). Also on the track with you are other road users, that vary from Porsche's to little hatchbacks to full on juggernaut trucks. A crash with one of these will cost you valuable time, which is constantly ticking down. If you found the full deluxe sit-down cab, you were in for a treat. In the headrest of the seat were two speakers, which pumped out the awesome music and sound effects to help immerse you in the atmosphere of the game. And, if I remember correctly, it's also hydraulic as well!

The lovely Speccy version....

The music is another of the games trademarks, none moreso than Magical Sound Shower. I don't think it's possible to find an OutRun machine and not choose it as your driving track. But, the other music is also sublime, but MSS was in my honest opinion the pinnacle. So, how did Probe manage to compact it from full on 16bit, 3D scaling road midi gorgeousness, to 128k, sprite-based AY chip goodness? I don't bloody know, but they did it.

...and the rather groovy Arcade original.

First up, the graphics are quite faithful representations of the original. All lovingly detailed, and whizz past at a great speed on Uncle Clive's humble little machine. It also has the scaling roads, although the game can only produce two colours on screen at a time, it's a relatively small price to pay to for the awesome graphics. The status at the top isn't cluttered, and you even get the split road at the end of the track you're on.

Even the music is here too, brilliantly recreated in AY chip lovelyness. You don't get the engine noise, unfortunately, but you get the sound the car makes when you skid off the road, so I suppose that makes up for it. The car controls well, considering your using a joystick and not a wheel. The only thing that's not recreated is the hydraulic cab, sadly.

And here's the rubbish Amiga version. *sigh*

Still, I give this port a hearty thumbs up. Just don't play the fucking awful Amiga port. It looks and plays like it was coded by a child, and don't push the machine to it's potential.

Speccy Capers: Ghouls 'n' Ghosts (US Gold, 1988)

2013-05-22T01:14:00.000+01:00

Originally released under the name Daimakamura in Japan, Ghouls N Ghosts sees our hero Sir Arthur off to rescue Princess Prin Prin from the clutches of a demon. Along the way, he must face skeleton warriors, tornado devils and Firebrand (who got his own game in the shape of Gargoyles Quest on Game Boy). If hit, his armour shatters and you spend most of your time in your under crackers. One more hit, and you lose a life and get reduced to a pile of bones. The arcade original is widely known as one of the best games of the 80s, and is also one of the hardest, with enemies flying at you thick and fast. Luckily, to help fend them off, you get a variety of pick ups like replacement armour, a weapon charge upgrade, and various weapons like axes, blade discs and fire bombs. On occasion, chests pop up, and once opened either grant you said armour, or a magician appears and turns you into either a duck or an old man. The spell wears off after five seconds, meaning you can go in your merry way, slaying monsters and wotnot.

There are 5 stages in total, with an end of level boss on each. The levels vary, with one being set first of all in graveyard, then on a cliff, the next level sees you running through a village, which then goes up in flames, and the graphics change as the levels progress. If you thought the arcade graphics were awesome, the Spectrum version has some of the best I've seen. Highly detailed, and with minimal colour clash, US Gold came up trumps with how this looks. Yes, they might be monochrome at some points, but when it requires other colours, it works really well.

There's hardly any music, except on the title screen and the map screen, which is a faithful rendition of the arcade version. It does, however, have some great spot effects, like the driving rain on the second half of the first level, and sounds like proper driving rain.

Controls are simple, and are very responsive. Just make sure if you're emulating on the DS, that you use keyboard, and can remap jump to one of the other buttons, as it will help a lot. The status bar at the bottom is a huge step up from Ghosts 'n' Goblins, which was just a yellow bar with writing. Overall, a great effort which retains the playability, and difficulty, of the arcade original, while injecting some Spectrum charm into the proceedings. Highly recommended. Also, check out the remade title screen from Ghosts N Goblins, taken from a hand drawn picture (see above), as it's pretty awesome, and should have been the loading screen.

Classic Movie Corner; Outland (Warner Bros., 1981)

2013-05-04T21:01:00.001+01:00

Name: Outland
Year: 1981
Directed by: Peter Hyams
Executive Producer: Stanley O'Toole
Starring: Sean Connery, Frances Sternhagen, Peter Boyle, James B. Sikking

On Jupiter's moon, he's the only law.

On the Con-Am operated mining colony on Io, Jupiter's moon, strange things are happening. The miners are slowly going psychotic, after breaking mining records, and increasing production ten fold. Upon investigating, new Federal Marshall William T. O'Niell (Connery) soon finds out why: a synthetic drug making people do 14 hours worth of work inside of 6 hours, and after 11 months of exposure , makes the taker go crazy. Now, the general manager of the colony, Sheppard has grown desperate at O'Niell's meddling, and has asked his superior for help in the form of two hitmen. With clock ticking until the shuttle arrives, O'Niell must find a why of overcoming the incoming threat, and even threats from within is own ranks.

Definitely one of Connery's best movies, Outland is a sci-fi retooling of the Gary Cooper classic High Noon, directed with panache by Hyams, who clearly has an eye for this sort of thing, and even does justice to the source material. Connery excels at the tough, no nonsense marshall who doesn't back down, and even brings some of his Bond-esque toughness to the role. Sternhagen plays the icy cool doctor Lazarus, who becomes his only friend, and later partner throughout the whole film, and is a surprising contrast to O'Niell. Peter Boyle plays the corporate bad guy Sheppard who's as corrupt as the day is long, supplying the drugs to the workers, while turning blind eye to the carnage.

Jerry Goldsmith supplies the music, and helps keep the film going at a cracking pace, and is a very stark contrast to his scores for the Star Trek movies. You could probably mistake it for a score from ALIEN, but it does it's job well. Definitely worth watching for it's space-western like themes, the action and the fact it's just awesome.

Movie to game conversions you must play!

2012-11-17T18:51:00.003+00:00

It has been well documented that games to movies don't bode well. In my eyes, they're awesome. Take DOOM. It didn't follow the games storyline (scientists open a portal to hell on the surface of Mars, and that's all she wrote!), but it was an enjoyable romp, with The Rock hamming it up like there's no tomorrow. Movie to games, however, didn't fair all that badly. There were some gems among the chuff, and here they are:

Batman The Movie (any format you can name - Ocean/Sunsoft)
Of course, the first Michael Keaton Batman flick is one of the best, and the game that came out was also one of the best. Where the MD version was your typical side scrolling brawler, the Speccy/Amiga/C64 version mixed the styles up, with multi scrolling, driving and puzzle all thrown into the mix, and what a good mix it was too. Both versions are worth a play.

Robocop (A500/ST/Spec/C64/464 - Ocean)
Another tie in that mixed styles, it also ramped up the difficulty to extraordinary levels, but retained the awesome graphics. This one included shooting gallery levels, as well as the obligatory puzzles and side scrolling ones.

Goldeneye 007 (N64 - Rare)
How can you have a list like this and NOT include this gem. Sniper rifles, mines, huge levels, the chance to drive a tank, lots of guns, the chance to drive a tank, blowing stuff up and firing lasers. Oh, and the chance to drive a tank (in case you missed it).

Star Wars (Arc - Atari)
Your chance to fly an X-Wing down the Death Stars trench and blow the f**ker up. It might have vector graphics, but they do their job, and it still plays great.

The Classic Movie: The Philadelphia Experiment (1984 - New World Pictures)

2012-07-30T22:07:00.002+01:00

October 10, 1943. Using Einstein's "Unified Field Theory", the U.S navy have devised a way to make their ships invisible to radar, by bending light around it to create the invisibility illusion. Using the U.S.S Eldridge as a guinea pig, the test is successful...until it never comes back! During the test, two sailors, David Herdeg (Michael Pare) and Jim Parker (Bobby Di Cicco), realize something is wrong, jump overboard, and land in 1984, not knowing that WWII has ended and what time period they're in. Now, on the run from the police and the Navy, they must find a way to get back home, with the help of Alison Haynes (Nancy Allen), while tracking down the scientist responsible for the experiment 40 years ago, in an attempt to find out what went wrong.

The film is based on the legend of an experiment that, according to the Office of Naval Research, never took place, and was the basis of Einstein's apparently true "Unified Field Theory". There were several accounts, all with differing details about the experiment, from various people. The film is based on some that were put together, and then a chase thriller added on to it. Some reports stated that when the ship re-appeared, people were seen to be fused into the deck of the ship, which made it into the film, and was a powerful aspect. Some claimed people actually disappeared, which was the basis for the two main characters.

The film, being based on supposed fact, is actually very good. The special effects when the ship disappears are really cool, and even when it goes through the time vortex, there's a sense of 'wow' when you see it. The performances are strong throughout, the script is good, and the scientific parts never make you go "what?".

It's a film everyone should see at least once in their lifetime. It might only be 1hr 40mins roughly, but the film does keep you on the edge of your seat. There was a sequel made 10 years later that, unfortunately, doesn't have the same cast in it, but is an ok follow up with a "what if..." storyline, involving Nazi's and a Stealth Fighter.

PC Capers: Carmageddon (SCi - 1997)

2012-05-24T23:47:00.001+01:00

6 combatants. Motors revving. The race official raises the flag, the cars motors sounding like lions roaring. The flag lowers, and the cars speed off, running over the race official. Turning the first corner, one of the racers plows into a gang of people, another hits a traffic light and sends it into the direction of another group, whilst the car gets crumpled like a piece of paper. Another gets blown up, while one goes off a cliff. Two left, ramming each other, while a mine comes into view. The red car, an Eagle Mk.I, rams the 4X4 into the mine, sending it whirling into the air, leaving the Eagle Mk.I the only survivor. This is Carmageddon.

Created by Stainless Software, and published by SCi, Carmageddon was supposed to be an official game, first of Mad Max, first released in 1979, then of the cult movie 'Death Race 2000', which was released in 1975, and starred David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone. In the movie, the racers got points for running over people, whilst racing from one side of America to the other, in a race called the 'Transcontinental Road Race'. After the deal fell through, it was decided to keep the basic premise, but have tracks, laps and weapons thrown into the mix. The tracks themselves range from mine shafts, to cities, to seaside areas. One other element added was the Police presence on various tracks: run over locals in front of a Police van, and it would come after you, until it stopped you. It's armour was tough, and could only be defeated by using the power-up Solid Granite Car. Because of it's subject matter, the game was at first banned by the ratings board but, after a while, it eventually passed with an 18 certificate, whereas in Australia and Germany, it got banned outright (until it was re-edited with zombies, and a password lock).

To kick things off, the game is gory, hence all the controversy around it. I mean, driving around, running people over isn't exactly FIFA Soccer, but even through it's intestine-stained exterior, it's a fun game. The graphics in it's super-duper, Xtra-3D suped-up version are still great. In software mode, it looks good, but it does hurt the eyes after a while. Each car model has hit points, and smashing into a wall in the various places causes that piece to crumple, so in that respect, it's realistic, same as the handling. Meanwhile, the pedestrians are all 2D sprite affairs, but are animated well, and even have accompanying screams when you run them over. Plus, you can also run over cows. Yes, that's right: Cows. You know: they who give us steaks, mince and McDonalds. In the top left hand corner,you've got the Prat-Cam. It shows your driver's ugly mug, as you race through the pedestrians, and they give different expressions whenever they do anything (they even bite their tongue when you use the Instant Handbrake!), but it all adds to the humour of it all.

The game still plays well, even after all this time. You can race, and go through the checkpoints. Or...you can smash into other racers and take them out, or run over all the peds, or a mixture of all three. You don't even have to stick to the track, and can even go and explore the whole area, finding more peds and power ups. The areas themselves are massive, and the track layouts vary with each track, and also as you go up the ranks. An expansion pack, called Max Splat Pack, was released a while later, which added new areas & tracks and new racers. A sequel was released a few years later, and expanded on the game, and while a good game, it was let down by the missions you had to do in ridiculous time limits. TDR 2000: Carmageddon 3 was just piss poor. It looked like a dog, it played like rubbish, and is contender for Crap Game Corner.

Still as great to play, and as irrelevant as ever, Carmageddon is one of the best racers you'll ever play. Go do some Cunning Stunt Bonuses, some Piledriver Bonuses, and some Nice Shots, Sir.

Top 100 games of all time: The Final Insult (aka part 10)

2012-05-10T13:04:00.000+01:00

Well, this is it. The final stretch. The final ten. The final frontier. Or..something like that.

10 - Monkey Island II (PC/Amiga - Lucasarts)

LeChuck returns, more evil, more badass, and more dead, in this follow up to the smash hit. Join Guybrush in his attempt to destroy LeChuck (again). More! Puzzles. More! Monkeys. More! Guybrush. The humor is just as sharp, and you can even nail Stan inside a used coffin.

9 - Final Fight (Various - Capcom/US Gold)

Pick your fighter, and take it to the streets in Capcom's seminal three way brawl. Large, chunky graphics, awesome synth music, and smooth controls mean it's the best brawler you'll ever play.

8 - H.E.R.O (Various - Activision)

The ultimate save-em-up, blow up walls to find people trapped in caverns, while avoiding nasties and dead end, and take them to the surface, and safety. A game you can lose yourself in.

7 - Streets of Rage II (MD/GG/SMS - Sega)

Sega's answer to Final Fight, it packed in more levels, better graphics, a stomping soundtrack, and digitized speech. Better than the original, and infinitely better than the cack handed 3rd outing (that got so chopped up storywise, it was indecipherable!).

6 - Escape from the Planet of the Robot Monsters (Various - Atari/Tengen)

With it's 50's B-movie setting, you control either Jake or Duke, and have to blast your way across Planet X, in order to rescue scientists and stop an impending invasion. A good sci-fi romp for anyone who likes blasting robot monsters.

5 - Football Champ (Arcade - Taito)

Pure arcade action, as you play for the cup. But, whats wrong with taking the other team down with a few dirty tackles or knees to the face, and even punching the ref in the back of the head? The game that inspired Red Card, it's a game that'll bring out your inner Vinny Jones.

4 - Turrican (Amiga - Rainbow Arts)

What can't be said about Turrican that hasn't been said already? A work of art that still gives a staggering challenge, a platform shooter that to this day still hasn't been bettered, and probably won't be.

3 - The Simpsons Arcade (ARC - Konami)

Pick your Simpsons character, and race to save Maggie from Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers, who have stolen a diamond that Maggie picked up. It has the Simpsons charm, humour and the voices of the actual cast. A top arcade license.

2 - Braid (XBLA - Number None, Inc)

A platformer with a twist: you control time which helps to solve various puzzles to collect puzzle pieces, and save the princess. With beautiful music, gorgeous painted, living backgrounds and responsive controls, Braid is one huge game that will keep you enthralled for a long time, up until the twist ending.

We've been through 99 of the best games of all time. Some choices might seem controversial, but even with the worst looking game, a gem in gameplay hides beneath. So, without further ado, here it is: the Holy Grail. The Ark of the Covenant. The Sankara Stones. The best game ever. It is....

1 - Speedball 2: Brutal Deluxe (Various - Bitmap Brothers)

Inspired by the 1970's movie Rollerball, take control of a struggling team of misfits, and lead them to glory in the most violent spectator sport known to man: Speedball. Converted to most of the home formats of the time, the game is known for it's immersive gameplay, the music, and the shouts of Ice Cream, Ice Cream!! Play it alone against the computer, and take on the various teams, all with increasing difficulty, while managing your team and trading in and out players, or take on a friend, and smash his team to oblivion. It was THE reason to own an A500.
Bitmap Brothers, we thank you.

Right, that's it, now bugger off!

Top 100 games of all time: part 9

2012-05-09T20:44:00.002+01:00

20 places left, who will fill them? Will they be games you love? Games you hate? Will you even care? Meh, lets carry on regardless.

20 - Carmageddon (PC - SCi)

The original Death Race, pull off Cunning Stunts, do Nice Shots, Sir, make Piledriver Bonuses and find that Electrobastard Ray as you squash, ram, shunt, and push rival racers over cliffs and run pedestrians into the ground, all in the name of points. Petrol-fueled fun.

19 - Fallout 3 (PC/PS3/360 - Bethesda)

Post Apocalyptic action ahoy as you play a vault dweller who searches for his Pa in the wastelands of a barren wasteland of Washington D.C. Level up, face off against mutants, find stuff and save the world. A game you can literally sink hours into.

18 - Alcatraz (Amiga/ST/PC - Infogrames)

I personally champion this game, as I feel it's often overlooked. Amazing to look at, and to play, it mixes side scrolling action, with first person interior levels. An amazing experience.

17 - Lemmings (Various - Psygnosis)

Make 'em dig, make 'em build, make 'em block, make 'em pop! Guide the suicidal rodents to their home in 100 levels of puzzle goodness. Plus, it has tunes you can tap your feet to.

16 - Tenchu Stealth Assassins (PSX - Activision)

Be a ninja, and take down your enemies quickly and quietly in this 3D action adventure. Good looking, and although it's a hard game to master, the rewards are worth it.

15 - Layer Section (SAT - Taito)

More vertical scrolling action, this time fending off an invasion of Earth. Lock on to your enemies, and unleash a barrage of laser fire at them. One of the best imports for Sega's 32-bit powerhouse.

14 - Shenmue (DC - Sega)

Years in the making, it started off as a game for the Saturn, but development moved to Sega's new baby, and the extra power really shows. It's an absolutely beautiful game. Add to that an Arcade that has arcade perfect versions of Space Harrier and Hang On in it, and you've a game that'll last you ages.

13 - Grand Theft Auto Vice City (PC/PS2 - Rockstar)

The 80's. The quintessential decade. Big shoulder pads, synth-pop and classic telly. All lovingly recreated here, with a cohesive story, and excellent voice acting, GTA: VC is the ultimate GTA game.

12 - GoldenEye 007 (N64 - Rare)

The FPS that changed everything. Lots of missions, loads to unlock, the multiplayer that changed the way we play together and a stomping soundtrack, GoldenEye is the ultimate Bond game, that still plays well even today.

11 - Silent Hill 2 (PS2/PC - Konami)

A contender to Resident Evil's crown, it ups the tension, has buckets of atmosphere, and will give you more trouser brownage than a dose of the runs. The ultimate in survival horror.

We're one step away from that top spot. But, I might make you wait a bit longer to find out what the top game of all time will be (it's such a secret, not even I know what it is).

Top 100 games of all time: part 8

2012-05-09T00:25:00.002+01:00

The Top 100: A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, in a world of games who have no imagination. 30 to 21.

30 - Syndicate (Various - Bullfrog)

Take control of a huge mega corporation, and send out 4 top agents to do various mission, like assassinate, capture, 'persuade', and extract, all in gorgeous isometric-vision. Mega violence abound in this cult classic.

29 - Uncharted (PS3 - Naughty Dog)

Playing as a sort of Indiana Jones/Tomb Raider rip off, it is actually a bloody good game, with lots to see and hidden treasures to find, whilst stopping a generic bad guy from making off with the loot, and solving various puzzles. Top draw stuff.

28 - Burai Fighter (NES - Taxan)

8 way shooting ahoy, as you float through 8 bases of Burai and decimate anything in your path. A good rip off of Capcom's Forgotten Worlds, which is actually a tough cookie to beat.

27 - Auf Wiedersehen Monty (Various - Gremlin Graphics)

Monty's final outing on the 8-bit home computers, sees our Moley one collecting money around Europe, so he can buy his own little Greek island called Montos. It also contains many references to various characters, like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets, the radio station Radio Luxembourg and two room called Bjorn and Borg.

26 - Outlaws (PC - Lucasarts)

A first person western game, you play an ex-sherriff, who has to rescue his kidnapped daughter, and avenge his wife's murder. Running on a modified Dark Forces engine, it's a tense affair, with shoot outs in towns, a coal mine, a ranch, a moving train and a set of caves. Recommended for shooter fans and western fans also.

25 - Star Trek 25th Anniversary (PC/Amiga - Interplay)

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim! One of the best Star Trek games around, the point 'n' click genre was made for it's sci-fi setting. Solve puzzles, shoot pesky Klingons, have a space battle or two, and be home in time for tea and crumpets. Plus, the CD version has the cast of the original series lend their voices. Which is nice.

24 - Steel Harbinger (PSX - Mindscape)

An early PSX release, it's also rather good. Some times the clunky controls do hamper progress a bit, but get past that, and you can still have some fun, shooting evil aliens, saving people, and eating body parts for health (that's right. Body parts for health. Hey! I didn't think it up!)

23 - Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem (Gamecube - Silicon Knights)

A rather creepy 3rd person adventure, it utilizes a unique system where, the more health you lose, the more your grip on reality slips. There's even a bit where your telly's volume goes wonky. An experience you won't forget.

22 - OutRun (Various - Sega)

Three words: Magical. Sound. Shower.

21 - Ikari Warriors (Various - SNK/Elite)

A vertical scrolling blast-em-up, Ikari Warriors doesn't skimp on the references to the popular action movies of the decade, like Rambo (being the major one), and others. Blow up shacks, shoot people, blow up tanks. Just another day in the office.

Can you smell it? The top 10 is just around the corner. Will you be ready for it? (I won't, and I'm writing the thing.)

Top 100 games of all time: part 7

2012-05-07T16:14:00.003+01:00

Hunted by gamers, they survive as soldiers of fortune, being used in your home consoles and computer. If can find them, maybe you could play:
The Top 100 40 to 31.

40 - Robocop (Various - Data East/Ocean)

The movie was great. The game was hard as nails. That didn't stop it from being in the charts for what seemed like 100 years. Just one of the best uses for a movie license, and it was addictive, if stupidly hard. Still, it sold well, it played well, so it deserves it's position in this list.

39 - The Empire Strikes Back (ARC/Various - Atari/Domark)

Released as a conversion kit for the original Star Wars cabinet, it featured the Battle of Hoth (spread over two battles), and the Millenium Falcon being chased through the Asteroid field. It might be short, but the ever increasing difficulty upon its completion means it be played for a while, but it will get repetitive. Still, it's enjoyable while it lasts.

38 - Bill & Ted's Excellent GameBoy Adventure (GB - Beam Software)

Playing much like A&F's Chuckie Egg, you have to collect orbs that have been scattered around the levels and enter the portal to the next. Highly addictive, and boasting some great graphics, it's a must play for Bill & Ted and puzzle fans everywhere.

37 - Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster Busts Loose (SNES - Konami)

Based on the cartoon of the same name, it's a very competent little game, with various mini games between levels, and the levels themselves take on themes of movies (like Westerns and Sci-Fi).

36 - The Simpsons: Bart Vs. The Space Mutants (Various - Acclaim)

The first Simpsons video game is also the best, with you playing as Bart, and trying to stop an alien invasion. Small, but excellent graphics, and a rather jaunty little rendition of the theme song all add up to a cracking game. Also, the intro sequence on the A500 version is something to behold.

35 - Command & Conquer (PC/PSX/N64/SAT - Westwood)

Build bases, command troops, obliterate the enemy. The perfect RTS series, whatever platform you play it on. A game you can lose hours in.

34 - Sonic Adventure (Dreamcast - Sega)

Mixing 3rd person platform elements with exploration, Sonic Adventure was THE reason to own a DC. It kept you hooked until the end, and would be the last, great Sonic game, until Generations last year. A true gem, and infinitely better than the follow up.

33 - Rambo First Blood Part II (Spec/Ams/C64 - Ocean)

Find your weapons, kill loads of enemy troops, enter the compound, and free the POWs. It's a shame I could never get it to work on the later +2A model Speccy. Still, there's the remake, which is very faithful. Play it. Play it now!

32 - Thunderblade (ARC - Sega)

Similar to Afterburner, you control an Apache helicopter, blowing the crap out of anything and everything you come across. Just make sure to find a hydrolic cabinet version, as it rocks all over the shop like a drunk on a dance floor, and its quite brilliant!

31 - Axelay (SNES - Konami)

First, its a vertical scroller. Then, it flips it on it's head, and turns into a side scroller. Some neat graphical effects, tight controls, and awesome music combine to make this a great shooter.

30 to 21 after the break, and we're getting closer to that elusive top spot, with the pimple just below.

Top 100 games of all time: part 6

2012-05-06T23:03:00.000+01:00

If it loads, we can play it. Join me once more, as we count down from 50 to 41 in this top 100.

50 - Moonshine Racers (A500 - Millenium/Peak Star)

Coming across as a bit like Cannonball Run and Smokey & The Bandit, Moonshine Racers see you trying to deliver illegal hooch to old man Tucker, whilst trying to avoid the local rozzers. Trouble is, so's load of other people, doing the exact same thing! Can you make it first? It's a good racer, with some good graphics, and the choice of music over sound is a godsend. The sound grates after a while, but a good solid racer. Try it.

49 - Anno 1503 (PCCD - Max Design)

Set sail to new islands, colonize them, and do trade, or go to war, with your neighbors. A game with so many layers, it's nice, well rounded game. What I'd call a nice little stress reliever, as you can take your time over everything.

48 - Carmageddon II (PCCD - SCi)

More pedestrian-splattering shenanigans in this full 3d sequel to the awesome original. More cars, more power-ups, between race missions, and flying limbs, it's a good follow up, but the time limits on the missions can be unfair at times, but the races are still as fun as ever.

47 - Aliens UK (Various - Electric Dreams)

A sort of first person shooter (you control a cursor), you have to make it to the alien queens lair, kick seven bells out of her, find Newt, and make it back. A tough game to beat, and there's also the chance you can get lost. But, it's still worth experiencing.

46 - Resident Evil 2 (Various - Capcom)

The second entry for the zombie series is also a second entry in this top 100, mainly because it took everything about the original, and cracked it up to 11. Tyrants, lickers, more zombies, a much bigger playing area and multiple endings means this is one game you won't finish in a hurry.

45 - Zero Wing (MD/ARC - Toaplan)

It's getting a special mention just because of THAT ballsed up translation. Mind you, it is also a spiffing little game in it's own right.

44 - Bally II (A500 - Ultimate Computer Arts)

A Qix clone in the best sense, it's actually very addictive, even though it has very simple graphics, simple gameplay, and loads of charm.

43 - The Secret of Monkey Island (Various - Lucasarts)

Buckets of humor, insult sword fighting, good graphics, logical puzzles, and the ability to use a giant cotton bud on the ear of a giant monkey statue. One of the best point 'n' click adventures ever made. Whats more to say on the matter?

42 - Zool (Various - Gremlin Graphics)

A platformer that rivals Sonic's speed, Zool meshed together a load of good ideas, and wrapped it up in a blood fast, and good, platform game.

41 - James Pond: Robocod (Various - Millenium)

Cross a fish, with James Bond, then cross it with Robocop (minus the gun and helmet, and add the ability to stretch to great heights), and you've got Robocod. Your mission is to save Santa, and a truck load of penguins, at Santa's Workshop at the North Pole, after it fell into the hands of Dr. Maybe. Highly recommended.

Up next: getting closer to the top ten, with number 40 to 31. Can Batman evade the Joker? Will Bond escape? (I don't have the foggiest, and I've no idea what it's got to do with this at all!!!)

Top 100 games of all time: part 5

2012-05-06T17:50:00.002+01:00

Like a James Bond villain, it just keeps coming back for more. So, without further ado, here's 60 to 51.

60 - James Bond The Duel (Various - Domark)

Another entry for Mr. Bond, but it's also a very good platform shooter adventure. Rescue the damsels, defuse the bombs, shoot the bad guys and save the day. It's not always easy being a secret agent, but with this game, it could be. Top notch action that still looks great.

59 - OddWorld: Abe's Oddysee (PSX/PC - GT Interactive)

"Hello. Follow me!" A 2D puzzle platformer, with a touch of humor, Abe's Oddysee is a classic in every sense of the word. Run, jump, sneak, speak and fart your way to victory as you rescue your fellow Mudokans, take control of gun-totting sentries, and explode them into a thousand squidgy pieces. Jolly good fun for the whole family.

58 - Mission Impossible (N64/PSX - Ocean)

Bit of an odd choice, some might say, but I actually found it enjoyable. Sure, sometimes the controls aren't as smooth or as responsive as I'd hoped, but if you keep cracking away at it, underneath is an often ignored spy caper that's actually quite good fun, with some good concepts lifted from the film it was based on.

57 - Drip (A500 - Public Domain)

It'd be rude not to include this, as it's a fun little distraction, with cute characters, good (if bare) graphics, and some good gameplay. Drip it into your Amiga today!

56 - The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time (N64 - Nintendo)

People might moan it's not in the top 10, but while I do feel it's an excellent game, there are some bits that infuriate more often than entertain. Other than that, it's a solid 3rd person slash-em-up adventure.

55 - Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds (PCCD - Lucasarts)

Take Age of Empires, add a sprinkle of Star Wars, and you get this. Just as good as AoE, if not better, you even get an add on cd called The Clone Campaigns as well. If you love SW, you'll love this real time strategy game.

54 - Red Dead Redemption (360/PS3 - Rockstar)

A follow up to Red Dead Revolver, RDR is a Western version of GTA, with horseback gunfights, barroom brawls and being able to drag people tied up with rope from your horse. A massive game with lots to see and do, it's staggering.

53 -Fantasy World Dizzy (Various - Codemasters)

The Egg returns in his finest hour. The evil wizard Zaks is up to his eggnapping again, but this time in a fantasy setting. Meet Trolls, Princes, a good witch, and one of the yolkfolk turned into a bush (!). Anyone fancy kicking a deckchair into the water?

52 - Gauntlet (Various - Atari Games)

Choose your character, and prepare to fight your way through 100 dungeons in search of fame, fortune, monsters and Cheese & Onion crisps (one of these statements is false). A four way rampage worth taking.

51 - Ground Zero Texas (MCD - Digital Pictures)

You might only have control over a cursor, which you can also use to select what camera to use, but blasting aliens in real time is never a bad thing. It's also one of the better FMV games on the system, along with Sewer Shark.

Next Time on Star Trek: numbers 50 to 41 (definitely), flying pizzas with mind control abilities (maybe), and Spock saying Illogical (more than likely).

Top 100 games of all time: part 4

2012-05-06T13:18:00.002+01:00

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, as we hop on the trail of the elusive games rated 70 to 61 in this top 100.

70 - Bounder (Various - Gremlin)

Who'd have thought that playing as a massive, bouncing tennis ball with eyes could be so fun. Tricky, yes, but immensely playable that'll keep you coming for more.

69 - Conker's Bad Fur Day (N64/XBOX - Rare)

What do you get if you cross perverse humor, bad language, an N64 console and a squirrel? You get Conker's Bad Fur Day. Also introducing Gregg, The Grim Reaper (who's a little on the short side), a mouse that burps the word "Shit", and a scarecrow called Beardy, who sounds a little like Anthony Booth when he was in Till Death Do Us Part. Lots of fun, and plenty of chuckles to be had.

68 - Sunset Riders (Various - Konami)

Using the same tech that drove the Turtles and The Simpsons Coin-Ops, Sunset Riders is a Cowboy-em-up, with you choosing from 4 different characters, and shooting various bandits along the way, all in the name of justice. Think of it as a remake of Capcom's Gun.smoke from 1986. Hugely entertaining.

67 - The Castlevania Adventure (Game Boy - Konami)

A slow paced Castlevania game, but it is an enjoyable one. For an early GB title, it's very detailed, and, because it's slow, it makes the game more difficult, but don't let it stop you enjoying the game altogether though.

66 - Zombies aka Zombies Ate My Neighbors (SNES/MD - Lucasarts/Konami)

Played out like a modern 50's B-movie, you have to save cheerleaders, tourists, babies and men with nets in funny hats, all while trying to shoot zombies with your water gun. Somewhat silly, but great fun, it should be in everyones collection, whatever retro system you have.

65 - Medal Of Honor Allied Assault (PC - EA)

With a faithful recreation of the Normandy Beach landing, and many missions from WWII, MoH:AA is probably one of the best WWII FPS games of all time A deep single player campaign, plus the expansion packs, means you'll never get bored.

64 - Batman The Movie (Spec/Ams/C64/A500/ST/PC - Ocean)

The film Batman was awesome. The Game Batman the Movie was also awesome. 5 levels might not sound a lot these days, but doing the levels in different ways meant that every level was a challenge that hasn't been bettered since. Ocean's crowning achievement in their Movie license series, and one the programmers should be very proud of.

63 - Crime Busters (Spec/C64/Ams - Players)

You play Bernie the Burglar, and it's your job to nick stuff. Avoiding the coppers and other nasties, you pilfer paintings, plants, jewelry and even toilets and sinks (?) in your job to make off with the loot. Probably not considered politically correct now, but who cares? It's tremendous fun, with it's cute graphics and simple gameplay that'll keep you hooked.

62 - Mushihimesama Futari 1.5 (Xbox 360 - CAVE)

Gorgeous looking, simple to play, and a difficulty curve that doesn't rise too sharply, Mushi is the best choice to start with if you're looking to get into 'bullet hell' shooters. Plus, it's region free, so thats an added bonus right there!

61 - The Spy Who Loved Me (Spec/C64/A500/ST - Domark)

Ten times better than A View to a Kill (which was just a bag of wrong in anyone book), you drive along, picking up Q Points, until you get to a shed where your Lotus turns into a boat. I don't know what happens after that, as I kept dying here, but it's fun, and you can even run people over (before Carmageddon and GTA did it!!)

Coming Up: part 5 60 to 51.

Top 100 Games of all time: Part 3

2012-05-05T18:39:00.002+01:00

Thundering on through GamingLand like an out of control freight train, the top 100 pulls up at station 80 to 71.

80 - Rod Land (Amiga/ST/ARC - Sales Curve)

Playing as a cute little fairy wasn't what I had in mind when I loaded this game up for the first time, but it's just so damned addictive, and it's still a gorgeous game after all this time. A game that didn't rely on you firing anything at anyone, but instead picking them up with your wand and bashing them.

79 - Double Dragon (Various - Technos/Data East)

Your mission is to rescue your missus who's been kidnapped by a guy called Big Willy (!?!), beating the crap out of any thugs who get in your way,with not only your hands and feet, but any weapons you can find. It has been bettered since it's release, but it's still fun in it's own right.

78 - Lethal Weapon (Various - Ocean)

Based upon the first three movies in the series (and taking liberties with them), it played as a platform shooter, with you controlling either a short, stumpy Riggs, or a short, stumpy Murtaugh, shooting bad guy scum, collecting evidence (in the form of magnifying glasses) and extra ammo, as you happily blast away anything that might be shooting back at you. Great to look at, and great to play.

77 - Rescue on Fractalus (SPEC/C64/AMS - Lucasfilm Games)

Introducing Fractals instead of standard pixels for graphics, RoF was a typical cockpit-based space shooter, but with a twist: you had to rescue miners from the planet by landing, lowering shields and opening the airlock to let them in. There is the added danger of the enemy aliens trying to get in as well, and causing the ship the crash. Worth £2 of anyone's money.

76 - Virocop (Amiga - Graftgold)

A sequel to the Spectrum's Quazetron and Magnetron, you play D.A.V.E, who's job is to go through a computer system, and destroy viruses with a range of weapons. Easy to play, but hard to master, a quirky little game thats got a charm all it's own.

75 - Thunder Force IV (MD - Technosoft)

Another side scrolling shooter, but with a changable weapon system, variable speed and the ability to select which order to play the game in. Great looking and sounding, It's probably one of the best shooters you will ever play.

74 - Super Mario World (SNES - Nintendo)

Mario's first foray in 16 bits, it's got quite a lot in it to do, with a map to select what level to play and secret areas, and with that urban legend of the an extra level, it's one of the SNES's best games, along with Axelay, Sunset Riders and International Superstar Soccer.

73 - The House of the Dead (ARC/SS - Sega)

An on rails light gun shooter, you can take various routes to get to you goal at the end of the levels. Violent, full of zombies and gruesome end of level bosses, HotD is the definitive light gun game. Although it does have some iffy voice acting, but like Resident Evil, it just adds to the charm.

72 - Mega Man 2 (GB - Capcom)

One word: tough. Very tough (ok, two words). A flick and scrolling screen shooter/adventure, it spawned up to 10 games that are still being released on current hardware. A good game, but with a tough level of difficulty.

71 - Star Wars (NES/GG/SMS/GB - JVC/Capcom)

Playing a bit like The Adventure of Link, the game follows the plot of the movie, and also takes some liberties as well. Plus, you get to pilot the Millenium Falcon AND an X-Wing. So, that makes it a winner surely.

Next Time: part 4 - 70 to 61

Top 100 games of all time: part 2

2012-05-05T01:26:00.001+01:00

So, we've had part one, and a diverse range of games. Now, here's 90 to 81. Bring it.

90 - Resident Evil (PC/PS1/SAT - Capcom)

You'll need more than that, mate!

Zombies. Guns. Brains. Oh, and a big f**k off snake. Capcom's magnum opus is a tense survival horror that is on par with Silent Hill for chills and thrills. Oh, and don't forget the giant spiders, too. Nasty buggers they are. They have beards and everything. Also released in a Directors Cut flavor for added goodness.

89 - Silpheed (MCD/PC - Game Arts)

Bang! Zap! Pow! Pop!

A breakthrough title for the Mega CD, and one of the first released for the system, it showed promise, but was somewhat restricted to just moving and firing, with no control of the direction. Don't let that put you off, for underneath, is a fantastic game with it's own charm. "Tally ho, look at the size of that thing!", and all that.

88 - Sonic The Hedgehog (MD/GG/SMS - Sega)

Oh, Bugger!

Nintendo had Mario. Sega came up with Sonic. A blistering sense of speed, insane platform action, and boss battles that get bigger as it goes on. Don't forget tight level design, and a water level that gives you aquaphobia, and you've got one of the Mega Drive's finest hours.

87 - Comix Zone (MD - Sega Technical Institute)

This is gonna hurt!

It might be a scrolling beat-em-up, but it brought something new and fresh to a tired genre: a comic book setting, with destructable panels, and a hand that draws in and erases your enemies. Good fun, but gets unfairly hard quickly. Perservere with it, and you'll be rewarded with an experience to remember.

86 - Terminator 2 The Arcade Game (Arc/Various - Midway)

They might run like idiots, but they're tough buggers.

In the vein of Operation Wolf, you control the gunsight of the good Arnie terminator, and blast away at anything and everything in the name of points and massive damage. A good use of the license, but does get a bit boring after a while. Fun while it lasts, though, and you can shoot the T1000 into a load of liquid metal at the end, suo I suppose it should be worth completing just for that.

85 - Sensible Soccer (Various - Sensible Software)

You won't see this on Match of the Day!

The natural evolution of ANCO's Kick Off series, it took everything about Kick Off, and made it playable, fun, and great looking. It still gets played today, on the various systems at retro events, and even online through the Kaillera client on WinUAE. Online play? Oh, go on then.

84 - Tempest 2000 (JAG/SAT/PS1 - Atari)

A Minter classic.

Jeff Minter's follow up the original Tempest, is still one the best examples of what could have been for the doomed Jaguar console. Still as playable today, and a damned classic in it's own right. Whoever hasn't played this game hasn't lived.

83 - Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 (Various - Activision)

Looks awesome, doesn't it?

Better than Modern Warfare 3, this should have had a more conclusive ending. The best entry in the MW series, it had a great storyline, and an involving multiplayer. It's a shame they included the Tactical Insertion in multiplayer, as it tempted people to cheat. And cheat they did. Still, there was great satisfaction in just standing there, letting them use it, and then kill them as they spawn :D

82 - Half Life (PC - Sierra)

Use the crossbow. Less mess, less noise!

Another FPS, but this rewrote the book on the genre. Enjoyable, and highly moddable (They Hunger is an excellent total mod. Think Resident Evil in 1st person view mode, and you're half way there), the graphics are showing their age a bit, but it's enjoyable.

81 - Gynoug aka Wings of Wor (MD - Sega)

That's just...wrong. Very wrong.

A side scrolling shooter, it's graphics are both beautiful and disgusting at the same time. It's the only game where you play a bloke with wings who can fly, so it must be a winner (and, truth be told, it is in my book).

Next time: part 3

Top 100 games of all time: part 1

2012-05-04T02:23:00.002+01:00

After seeing Playfire's woeful (and depressing) top 100 list, I thought I'd do my own top 100. Here's the first part, numbers 100 to 91.

100 - Asterix (SNES - Infogrames)

A platform biff-em-up, Asterix is damned good fun, with some great graphics, and some great music. It plays well, and it's got that one more go factor about it. Insanely addictive, a game you want to see through to the very end (if you get that far!)

99 - Trials HD (XBLA)

Based on the internet flash game, it's all about the physics. Lean back, lean forward, and hit the gas. Oh, and flip forward and brake your neck!! Get fast times and bask in glory.

98 - Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (PS1, XBLA, PSN - Konami)

The definitive Castlevania game. Mixing Metroid with the Castlevania series gave the game a boost of fresh blood (pun intended), and is a cracking game. Insane boss battles, two huge castles to explore, and lots of things to pick up and use.

97 - Magicland Dizzy (Spectrum, Amstrad, C64 - Codemasters)

It wouldn't be a top 100 list without the appearence of the eggy one. Tougher than Fantasy Land Dizzy, but it still plays brilliantly, just like it's predecessor.

96 - Super Mario 64 (N64 - Nintendo)

Mario's first foray into 3D is a deep experience and, in my experience, is probably the best example of a Mario game on the older consoles. So much to do, so much to find. It's only just about bettered by the Super Mario Galaxy series.

95 - I, Ball (Spectrum, Amstrad, C64 - Firebird)

Good looking, but needing reflexes like Darth Vader, I, Ball is just pure arcade goodness. Plus, who can forget the digitised speech?

94 - Evil Dead Regeneration (PS2, XBOX - THQ)

Serving as a 'What If...' alternative to the trilogy (what if Ash didn't get sucked into the portal in Evil Dead II), it's as funny as the movies, with a sidekick, voiced by Sam Raimi's brother Ted, you can kick up the arse. Who doesn't want that????

93 - Blitz (VIC20 - Unknown)

Simple in graphics, but has a lot in gameplay. You basically have to bomb cities in your bomber. Stupidly addictive, and stupidly fun to boot.

92 - Metal Gear Solid (PS1 - Konami)

Snake's first outing in 3D is a stunning first chapter, and is just as immersive as ever. Plus, multiple playthroughs gave various rewards (playing the game in a tuxedo James Bond style is always a winner!), and is worth every single minute.

91 - Star Wars Rogue Squadron II - Rogue Leader (Gamecube - Factor 5)

To end this segment, and in keeping with the Gamecube's 10th anniversary, it's fitting to end with probably one of the best Star Wars game on the machine. Lots of craft, lots of missions, and that final mission destroying the Death Star II is a winning mix that hasn't been bettered. Buy a Gamecube just because of this game.

Crap Movie Corner: ALIEN Resurrection (20th Century Fox, 1997)

2012-04-30T18:32:00.003+01:00

Alien, released in 1979, delivered something awesome to the horror movie genre, with its chest bursting, airway crawling, head mushing, flame-throwing carnage that the film is known for. Plus, it's a tense bugger, too. Aliens followed in 1985, and had a change of pace, being more manic, with more gunplay, more plot (with a saboteur who wants to take the thing back), and a kick ass finale. Alien 3 went back to it's roots, with a more thoughtful film that undeservedly gets a lot of stick, because it a bit more slower paced. Then, along came the 4th installment. And it seems to have gone all pear-shaped.

You're one ugly moth...sorry, wrong film.

Set some years after the events of Alien 3, the USS Auriga has found some DNA samples of Ripley (after she took a swan dive into molten metal. Don't ask.), and have cloned her, to get the alien Queen she was carrying (that also has been cloned). Eventually, a ragtag crew of mercenaries dock with the Auriga in their ship, the USS Betty, with a 'cargo': several humans in stasis who they kidnapped. Just afterwards, the aliens that burst forth from the victims, having some sense of intelligence, manage to escape, and now it's up to Ripley to get the mercs off the ship, and destroy the Auriga before it can get back to Earth.

Pastries are to your left, humans to your right.

I'll admit, the plot does sound alright. But, and I'm probably being an idiot here, but how can a man who has a new found hole punched into the back of his head by an Alien really have enough time to reach around and pull out part of his mushed up brain before he dies? I can't be sure, but all I know is the film sucked. It took everything the last 3 had, and stamped on it like a bully at school. Some of the special effects were rubbish, some of the acting wasn't up to scratch, the dialogue is more stupid than an idiot, and it's just too woeful to watch. It even makes me cringe when Winona Ryder interfaces with the computer and says "All aliens, please go to level XX". It's stupid, just.....just stupid. One of the good parts of the film comes when Ripley comes face to face with all the other clones that have gone wrong, and she burns them all like toast. Another is when they are swimming through the cafeteria (through coolant, I suppose) and are being chased by Aliens (who can swim as well), it's a tense moment, but it's a shame the rest of the film isn't like it. The biggest mistake is, when it's revealed that the new alien queen has, over time, developed a womb like a human (!) and can give birth (!!), which she does to some sort of alien/human hybrid (!!!), it's a sort of what the fu** moment, and you're left scratching your head when the infant decides that the queens jaw looks better on the floor, and looks at Ripley that SHE is it's mother. It's very disjointed, it doesn't sit right, and doesn't feel right in an Alien film. The whole film is a letdown. And the film had such a promising start as well, and the Directors Cut on dvd is even worse, with even more woeful CGI and scenes that add f**k all, it was a kick in the teeth for Alien fans who wanted to see the film in a better light, and give it another go.

Probably one of the worst things I've ever seen in a film. Weird. And wrong. On so many levels.

There's naff all to recommend this film to anyone. If you buy the boxset on Blu Ray or DVD, treat it as a special feature. Other than that, avoid like Herpes.

Mega Drive/MCD Capers: The Terminator (Virgin, 1992)

2012-04-29T18:43:00.000+01:00

2029. The war between the machines of Skynet, and the human resistance of Tech-Com, has been raging for decades. As it seems to be tipping in the favor of the resistance, the machines decide to use their new Time Displacement System (a time machine to you and me!) to send their most advanced Terminator, a T800 Cyberdyne Systems model 101, with skin, hair, blood and eyes grown to cover it (and it looks exactly Arnold Schwarzenegger, oddly enough) back to the year 1984, and kill the mother of the leader of the resistance before he's even born: Sarah Conner. But, Tech-Com also send back someone as protector, and a battle of epic proportions ensues in Earth's past, to save Mankind's future.

Comparison alert!: Mega Drive, and still looks good, but...

Yes, The Terminator is one of the best sci-fi movies ever made, and a game was eventually made for Sega's Mega Drive (Genesis to our American cousins), Master System, Game Gear, and two years later, a updated, expanded and enhanced version for Sega's doomed Mega CD. Developed by Virgin Games (which had a young programmer on board who would go on to create the fantastic MDK a few years later, Dave Perry), it expanded on the movies plot with extra levels. You play as Kyle Reese, and get stuck into his mission to get to Skynet, plant some explosives at the TDS, and use it himself to back to '84, before it gets blown to Kingdom Come.

And the rather gorgeous Mega CD version with added bits.

To start with, it looked great back then. Your guy against Hunter Killers (and they were huge buggers), Flying HK's, T800's with none of the skin and stuff, and T800's with the works (and they have bloody big guns as well). The Mega CD version even more so, with even better graphics (with added foreground graphics, like added skulls, and in one instance, your guy has a headset!), better music that added to the tense atmosphere, and it also added a gun to your inventory, instead of just using an endless supply of grenades, and made the game much better, and more fluid to play. Plus, it also added footage from the film between levels, which is a bonus. It also added a few more levels as well, and was even more playable than its other console counterparts. But, the game was rock hard. I never even got off the first level, as I managed to set the bombs, but couldn't get the equipment to work. Plus, the T800's seem to just keep on coming. But, who can say no to blowing away loads of Terminators?

Certainly a game worth checking out as, once you get started, you just keep on trying to plow on through, until the end. One of the better film licenses on the console, and certainly better than T2: Judgment Day by LJN (which was utter utter tosh).

Stick around, Mr.Bond: The first 5 best Bond movies

2012-04-17T20:15:00.001+01:00

Goodbye, Mr Bond!! Well, hello, actually, as James Bond has been around for 50 years. The brainchild of Ian Fleming, James Bond is a secret agent for Her Majesty, who works in MI5, and is always tasked with saving the world from nefarious schemes, that involve either taking over the world, or destroying mankind to create a new race, or even holding the world to ransom for an insane amount of cash. The films started in 1962, with Sean Connery playing the super spy in Dr.No, and up to recently with Daniel Craig in the yet-to-be-released Skyfall, and do not seem to show any signs of slowing up. So, to celebrate 50 years of the the worlds favorite spy, heres a first top 5 of my favorite Bond movies.

5: Moonraker (1979)

Made at the height of the Star Wars craze, Moonraker is a different kind of Bond movie. Yes, it has all the hallmarks of a Bond adventure: gorgeous Bond Girl, evil Bond Villain, lots of shooty set pieces, and Q. But, it did have another thing up it's sleeve (apart from its arm): a final 25 minute space finale, including a mssive shoot-out between Drax's henchmen, and the USAF, all involving laser guns! Over the top? Far fetched? It's both of those, but it does entertain for all the right reasons.

4: A View To A Kill (1985)

The last Bond outing for Sir Roger Moore, and I think it's also one of his best. Also starring one Christopher Walken as Max Zorin, it's storyline featured genetic tampering, a massive plot to flood Silicon Valley to make a killing in the microchip market, and fight on the very top of the Golden Gate Bridge! Roger Moore has also gone on record, saying this is his least favorite Bond movie, as it contains so much violence, but thinking about it, Zorin is one evil guy, and so violence is basically all he knows.

3: Goldfinger (1964)

Connery's third outing is actually one of the better Connery Bond movies. What other movie has women being painted in gold, a plot to rob Fort Knox, and a fat Korean man who throws a razor-rimmed bowler hat? None, that's what! And it's a very fun movie.

2: On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

A bit of an unusual one, this. The first, and last, George Lasenby Bond film, sees Bond having to stop Blofeld (Telly Savalas) from brainwashing women in his 'clinic', to go back into the major cities, and somehow cause infetility to the Male population. Yeah, I thought the plot was a bit askew as well. Still, it is a good movie, and is horribly underrated. Plus, there is a bit of a plot cock up as well, but it's down to the eagle-eyed Bond fans to find that one ;)

1: GoldenEye (1995)

After a hiatus of about 6 years (and many legal problems), the Bond films came back with a fresh, new take on the series. With a new M (replacing the late Bernard Lee), played by Judi Dench, and a new Bond, the film tackled how Bond would react with radical changes since his last outing (the dissolution of the Soviet Union and, effectively, the end of the Cold War), and how he would be seen now. With Pierce Brosnan taking over the role after Timothy Dalton resigned, Brosnan steps up to the mantle with relative ease, marking a return to form for the Bond movie, and one hell of a ride. Right, I'm going into town, anyone fancy jumping on the Tank?

Are you a member of the CULT?: The Thing (Universal, 1982)

2012-04-04T18:55:00.001+01:00

The Thing
Universal Pictures
1982
Directed by John Carpenter
Based on the novel "Who Goes There?" by John W.Campbell, Jr.
Screenplay by Bill Lancaster
Music by Ennio Morricone
Starring Kurt Russell as MacReady, Willford Brimley as Blair, Richard Dysart as Doc Copper, Keith David as Childs, Richard Masur as Clark, Donald Moffat as Garry, T. K Carter as Nauls, Charles Hallahan as Norris, Thomas G. Waites as Windows & Joel Polis as Fuchs

It can take the form of any organism it comes into contact with. It cashed in the Antarctica ice, and lay undiscovered for 10,000 years. Now, it has been found by a group of Norwegian scientists. It thawed and became one of them, and escaped. Now, a group of American scientists have found the same organism, And their worst nightmare will become reality. It could become any one of them at anytime. Man is the warmest place to hide.

In 1981, John Carpenter, fresh from making Escape from New York, decided to remake a 50's classic that went by the name of The Thing From Another World. In this Black & White classic directed by Howard Hawks, the creature could replicate itself limitlessly, as it terrified a research base. Seeing potential in the story, he went back to the novel the film was based on, Who Goes There? by John W. Campbell, Jr. The monster in the book absorbed its victim and took its shape, mannerisms and would talk exactly like it's victim, blending into it's surroundings like a chameleon. Doing this kind of movie needed some stellar special effects. Enter Rob Botin, who would later lend his excellent talents to the 1987 hit Robocop. He managed to create the most grotesque looking creations ever seen on film. At one point, when MacCready has to set fire to a 'thing' on a table, the concoction of different liquids for the blood, and the material used to make the 'skin' of the puppet, when melted, created toxic fumes that filled the set. The special effects, though, took a back seat to the performances of it's all-male cast

Musicwise, Ennio Morricone was brought on board, and created one of the most minimalistic soundtracks ever. Just using a few notes at the right time, would give a feeling of dread at certain scenes. Carpenter, although uncredited, did some additional music, but it all adds to the suspense and fear the film has.

When the movie was released, it failed at the box office, mainly because it went head to head with another alien movie that Universal had also put out. But this one was a friendly alien who only wanted to go home. Not only that, but it also went up against another sci-fi movie. A little movie about androids who dream of electric sheep, and starred Harrison Ford. It did find it's audience on home video, though, along with Big Trouble in Little China four years later, and has gone on to be a cult movie, even having it's own fan site which covers everything about the movie.

Open wide, and say AAGGGGHHHH!!!

Another thing this film has, and is also used in Big Trouble..., is the ambiguous ending. When I first saw it, i thought 'Is that it?'. But, thinking about it, it's left open for interpretation by the viewer. *SPOILER (if you've not seen it!) Was any of them The Thing? Did they get rescued? Or do they just sit and die? In my view, I think it adds to the overall atmosphere of the movie as a whole. After enduring an hour and forty minutes of not knowing who is, or who isn't, the thing, you still don't know! There was two endings shot, though. One sees MacReady rescued, and has a blood test to show he was human, and another of the morning after, when another Thing, in the shape of another dog, looks at the aftermath of the last nights events, and runs off, but Carpenter didn't want to use them as its open for the viewer to interpret as they like.

I love this film. I think the effects holds up to the day, and is one of the better monster movies of the early 80's. Also check out the prequel, which shows you what happened at the Norwegian base, right before the events of The Thing. It leads into the original nicely, and is pretty good in it's own right.

Crap Game Corner's dribbly aunt: Masters of the Universe: The Movie (1987, Gremlin - ZX Spectrum)

2012-03-10T21:26:00.000+00:00

Masters of the Universe is a somewhat cult movie nowadays (at least i think it is). Back then, it was a box office bomb, even though I thought it was a rather good movie. It starred Dolph Lundgren as He-Man, Frank Langella as Skelator and James Tolken as Detective Lubic (complete with his trademark bald head!), and was a 100 minute romp with lots of action and a bit of humour thrown in for good measure. Gremlin picked up the rights to produce one game, whereas US Gold did the another which was based on the cartoon. But that was crap. Whereas Gremlin's one was an action game. And that was also crap. Sigh, here we go again.

The game starts with you controlling a little squat version of He-Man. You have to go around and bash Skelator's troops, whilst finding the chords that are required to make Gwildor's invention, The Cosmic Key, work once more, so you can get back to the planet Eternia, and give Skelator a slap around his boney head. Sigh. It's a shame that the game is actually quite rubbish because the story is quite good. Not once did I get to use He-Man's sword, but a weedy little pop gun instead. The enemies respawn all the time (there's sometimes about 6 enemies onscreen at any one time), and sap your energy like there's no tomorrow, especially when you kill them, as they send 4 bullets going in all directions. The compass at the top of the screen points to where you can find the chords are, and there are roughly 8 to find in total. Only I didn't even get to find one, as I was too busy fighting loads of troops to even get near to one. But when you do find one, it's through sheer blind luck, as the compass is actually quite near pointless. It says, for example, to go up. When you do, you come to a dead end, and have to back track. Through loads of bad guys, before you can even find the right way to go. Yet again.

The graphics aren't too bad, and are clutter free, plus the title screen isn't too bad. There's hardly any colour clash, mainly because the main area is monochrome which changes when you reach the edge of the screen and enter a new one. The only problem is that when you reach the graveyard section, you'll end up getting stuck behind a gravestone most of the time, and get shot like there's no tomorrow by the baddies. At least the status bar is pretty straight forward. Your health is represented by the Sword of Eternia. Skelator's is his staff, with the compass at the top. The timer, that represents how much time is left before sunrise on Eternia, is at the bottom, with your lives status by the side. Simple.

It's not a bad game. But on the other hand, it's not a good one. It's just crap. I don't know what Gremlin were playing at. After classics like the Monty Mole series, MASK I, II and III, Way of the Tiger and it's sequel, Avenger, it's a shame to see this released by a respected software house like Gremlin. And it's put a tarnish against a damn good movie. Even the PS2 version of the game based on the rebooted cartoon from the '00s is better than this. Play that instead, and wonder what could have been, instead of what is. A bloody big let down!

80's Movie Fest: Die Hard (1987, 20th Century Fox)

2012-03-05T22:24:00.000+00:00

It's Christmas Eve. Detective John McClaine (Bruce Willis) is flying in from New York to Los Angeles where his wife Holly Generro (Bonnie Bedelia) is working for the Nakatomi Corporation. Whilst cleaning himself up in a bathroom on the 30th floor, a group of terrorists seize control and capture all the guests, except for McClaine, and hold them hostage. Now, it's up to our vest wearing hero, an unexpected guest in the form of a passing cop (Reginald Veljohnson) and all of McClaine's cunning and training, to save the hostages and take down the terrorists, before they can make off with the money from the building.

Die Hard is a staple of 80's action movies. Along side the likes of Predator, Commando and Rambo III, it has a body count, but it has one thing going for it: it's smart. Very smart. Taken from Roderick Thope's 1979 book, Nothing Lasts Forever, Die Hard was originally envisioned as a sequel to Commando. But, Arnie passed (because of how poor Conan The Destroyer did with the critics), so it was rewritten, and became the movie we know and love today. And, I'm glad he did. The script is sharp, the set pieces are fantastic, and the fight between Alexander Goudinov and Bruce Willis is bone crunching excitement. Even the building that doubles as the Nakatomi Plaza is the actual Fox building, so I suppose that saved on location scouting!

Competantly directed by John McTiernan, it became the hallmark 80's action movie, becoming 20th's biggest hit of 1987, and recently being named as 'the best action movie of all time'. Bruce Willis fits into the role of the cop facing insermountable odds perfectly, and coming from doing comedy, delivers his one-liners with gusto, especially his trademark catchphase "Yippie-ky-ay, Motherf**ker". I can't imagine anyone else being able to pull off the role the way he can. The same can be said for Alan Rickman, who plays Hans Gruber, the German criminal mastermind. He seemed to be born to play that role, and again, cant imagine anyone else playing the role.

Overall, the film is nigh on perfect. The best action/christmas movie ever made. It even spawned 3 sequels, of which 2 are excellent, and one is good (but not great). Plus, there is a 5th one in the works, with Willis returning to the role of McClaine, thats supposed to be being released sometime early next year. Can't wait for that one!