Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

The Torah cycle we are in now speaks of the beginnings of the journey for the Israelites from Egypt into the wilderness.

The “routine” of wondering has set in and, despite the awesome aspect of Sinai, the Israelites still find ways to be uncomfortable and challenging.

On the way to their future, there are many pitfalls and slips. Faith, it seems, can be transitory.

The Exodus motif is, according to most commentators, the paradigmatic story of the Jewish people. It is central to our psycho-spiritual DNA. It is that because it is us.

For many of boomers, now traversing a new life stage, we can easily lose faith in our own self and in our own journey, our own story. The stresses and strains of life, adult children, grand-children, to retire or not, our own aging parents and the challenges of care-giving; all of these now normal parts too often can combine to create a feeling of loneliness or exile. It is easy to fall into that trap.

On the other hand, this life stage also presents us with new possibilities for growth. These same “challenges” (or realities) can remind us as well of an ingredient in our lives that gives these transitions a context and texture that we perhaps, never quite appreciated in our youth. The power of community and the centrality of relationships carries us forward. As many of us deal with the new issues of aging, what emerges as central and powerful are the relationships that we have maintained throughout our lives. These relationships are our foundation. Our friends and family, our communities are the source of much of our strength and the conduits of meaning. They inject a sense of love into our lives. And it is this sense of love, or intimacy, or community that is the antidote to the feeling of exile or loneliness that can often overtake us.

We do live in complicated times and we do live with increasing stress and challenges. It is easy to feel cut off and, at times, as if we are in exile from our own self. However, it is our communities and the relationships within those communities that provide us with a sense of direction, purpose and soul. They lead us from exile to meaning. Cherish those relationships.

Shalom,

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D.Min

Donald M. Friedman, MD

Stress is definitely a part of our lives.  It is often unavoidable and can sometimes be overwhelming.  As life has become more complicated, especially in this age of new technology, stress can certainly play more of a role in how we think, how we act, and how we feel.

It’s no secret that chronic stress can have an adverse effect on one’s health.  In fact, some studies have shown that as high as 75-90% of visits to doctors in the United States are related in some way to stress.  One of the major problems is that many people are not even aware of the extent to which they are under stress, or if they are, don’t know how to adapt to it, lessen it, learn from it, positively change because of it, or see how being in the moment can help one cope with it.  Stress as a force in our society has reached epidemic proportions and the time is ripe, more than ever before, to realize that we must change ourselves rather than rely on the change of external circumstances to achieve a state of wellness.

So what actually is stress?  As stated in Wellness Book: The Comprehensive Guide to Maintaining Health and Treating Stress-Related Illnes by Herbert Benson, M.D. and Eileen M. Stuart, R.N., M.S., “Stress is the perception of a threat to one’s physical or psychological well being and the perception that one is unable to cope with that threat.” (p.180)  Many have pointed out that stress can actually be difficult to define because that “perception” can be different for different people.

What can be stressful, anxiety provoking, and disruptive for one person can be seen as a challenge and a stimulating motivation to another.  In fact, Dr. Hans Selye, a well respected Canadian physiologist who performed stress research in the 1940’s, showed that to a certain extent stress can be useful in helping people both accomplish goals and be productive.  Stress can also be protective.  In potentially harmful and threatening situations, it elicits the fight or flight response that can help us react in a way to promote our safety.  The downside is when stress becomes constant, chronic, and overwhelming, the body and mind lose their ability to cope with challenges presented, and one’s function begins to decrease.  But there is also some hope in Dr. Selye’s conclusions.

As quoted in a book by Stephan Rechtschaffen, M.D.  and Marc Cohen, M.A., Vitality and Wellness, Dr. Selye concluded, “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” (p.37)  This implies that we can have some input into how stress affects us and how we deal with it.  So it is important to explore what resources we have and can develop to help us cope in an increasingly stressful world.

Before looking at these resources, it is essential to be aware how stress can affect our bodies, mental functioning, and behavior.  The basic problem is well summarized in The Wellness Book with the statement, “Our difficulty in the twentieth century is that many of the stresses we face (relationships, work, family, money, etc.) are not amenable to the physical reaction of fight or flight, yet the physiology elicited by the stress remains the same.  In these situations, however, the physical response has no way to dissipate.” (p.180)  If you can’t discharge the effects of the increased adrenaline from the stress reaction, your body and emotions remain stimulated long after an incident or situation is over.  This can affect how you feel physically and emotionally and also how you act.  It’s certainly well know that stress can cause physical symptoms such as headache, backache, rashes, and GI symptoms, as well as emotional symptoms such as anxiety and depression.

Stuart, Webster, and Welk-Federman also talk about “The negative stress cycle” where “an event perceived as stressful or threatening can cause physical or psychological symptoms.  These in turn increase our stress.” (p181)  Thus, the symptoms caused by stress can themselves cause stress.

Stress alters the balanced equilibrium and stability of the body.  Many feel that this creates an opportunity for a disease to start or the worsening of the symptoms of a disease already present.  In fact, there are a number of diseases that healthcare professionals agree are either caused by or related to stress.  These include back pain or neck pain unrelated to physical abnormalities, peptic ulcers, GI diseases such as inflammatory bowel disease, menstrual problems, alcohol or drug abuse, some skin diseases, sexual dysfunction, temporomandibular  joint disease, depression, asthma, hypertension, stroke, heart disease, autoimmune diseases such as lupus, and some cancers. (List from Vitality and Wellness, p47-48)  Clearly, it is as important to deal with the stresses that may precipitate and exacerbate an illness as it is to deal with the illness itself.  The two are so intertwined that stress reduction management can be an important part of the treatment.

In dealing with stress, first and foremost you must become aware that you even have stress in your life.  Unrecognized stress can certainly affect your health.  However, as Rechtschaffen and Cohen discuss, “Sadly, many people don’t realize how affected they are by stress until they crash, physically, psychologically, emotionally, or even spiritually.” (Vitality and Wellness p44-45)

They go on to comment that this may happen when people lead such an overactive life with constant activity or stimulation that stress occurs more frequently because of the overactivity.   To compound it, the pace of the lifestyle may make it easier to avoid paying attention when stress occurs.  Also, the authors mention that people who are unaware of their true feelings and needs and don’t take time for introspection may not be aware of the stress in their lives.  And finally, those who don’t pay attention to the physical and emotional warning signs of stress (such as increased muscle tension, unexplained headaches, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, depression) may get to the point where they don’t function well at all or start acting inappropriately, such as angry outbursts or withdrawal, or even develop signs and symptoms of an illness.  Rechstchaffen and Cohen conclude that “When we are unaware that we are living with stress, the pressure on our minds, bodies, emotions, and spirits begins to feel ‘normal.’  Even though it’s not normal, our ability to adapt in order to survive makes it seem as though it is.” (p.46 Vitality and Wellness)  But eventually, the adaptation can break down, resulting in maladaptive behavior or frank physical or emotional illness.

Also, it is important to recognize the triggers that can produce stress, such as conflicts at work, interactions with a boss, marital or relationship disagreements, financial issues, a vacation, or any thought or memory that can bring on a stress reaction.  Awareness of the triggers can start you thinking about better ways to manage the stress, diminish its effects, or even devise ways to remove the stresses altogether.  If you are not aware of the triggers, you may not exert as much control over the situation and react more emotionally to the trigger with irrational or automatic behavior.

But often there are stresses that we cannot change.  That is when how we react to the stress becomes of key importance.  In The Wellness Book, the authors of the “Managing Stress” chapter state, “If you recognize that stress is our perception of a threat, and our reaction to the perception, then logically we can do something to manage our perceptions and reactions.  You cannot always control or change a situation, but you can retain control over the way you react to and think about stress.” (p184)  This implies, as already mentioned, that how you react to stress you can’t control can determine how disruptive the stress becomes.   Along these lines, the authors of Vitality and Wellness quote Sir John Templeton’s book, Worldwide Laws Of Life: 200 Eternal Spiritual Principles and five of his principles that promote effective ways to lessen stress through self awareness (p.53):

1     All sunshine makes a desert – you must have balance and variety in your life.

2     Minds are like parachutes – they are at their best when they are open to new perspectives, ideas, and information.  See every situation as an opportunity to learn.

3     Laughter is the best medicine – laughter is a good way to deal with stress. Laughter not only helps one to cope, but can heal as well.

4     Defeat isn’t bitter if you don’t swallow it – failing something doesn’t mean you’re a failure.  Mistakes are an opportunity to learn and be more successful.

5     You get back what you give out – the emotions you give out and the way you express yourself can determine what you get back from others and the universe.  If you broadcast negativity, you get negativity back; if you are positive and compassionate, there is a good chance you’ll attract that into your life.

These insights can make stress more bearable and also help deal with the challenges the stresses present.  Again, the attitude and approach one has toward stress can help determine how well one adjusts to the stress and how that stress affects one’s well being.

The concept of “stress hardiness” is also discusses in Vitality and Wellness (p.57)  The term was coined by Dr. Suzanne Kobasa in the 1980’s when she studied employees of a big corporation.  Those people who had the following characteristics, the “Four C’s”, had a more positive approach to stress, less stress-related illnesses, and less absenteeism from work.  The “Four C’s” that were associated with “stress hardiness” were:

1. Control – people who had more of a sense of control in their lives and of situations around them.  They had confidence in their ability to deal with stress
2. Challenge – stress was viewed as a challenge that could promote learning and growth.
3. Commitment — they were committed to their work and to the people who were important to them.  These people had more of a sense of purpose and were more willing to embrace change as a means of determining their future.
4. Closeness – “stress hardy” people had strong relationships and a good solid support system and did not feel isolated.

These characteristics were felt to help reduce stress and promote good health and wellness.  Again, Dr. Kobasa’s work underscores that no one can avoid stress, but the tools and attitude and life-approach tactics one has can help one avoid the potential adverse effects of stress.

As can be surmised, high self-esteem underlies stress hardiness as well.  Those who have healthy and positive views of themselves and their abilities fare better in coping with stress.  Stuart, Webster, and Wells-Feldman comment that “Self-esteem is a measure of how good or bad you feel about yourself and how you see yourself in the world.  This mental picture is called to mind when you access your ability to succeed in any endeavor.  This image influences your plans, decisions, moods, and behavior….(Low) self-esteem is based on your judgment of yourself not on other people’s assessment of your value…The underlying fear is being exposed as inferior to others, and eventually, as unable to cope with new situations.” (The Wellness Book, p.219-20)  People with low self-esteem often try to please other people and comply with the standards of those other people.  Criticism is seen as a diminishment of self-value, and perfection is often the goal.  Low self-esteem itself produces stress.  It keeps one from trying new things, finding solutions for present problems, and feeling confident and optimistic about the future.

Low self-esteem usually has its origins in what one is taught as a child and the early life experiences one has.  In terms of improving self-esteem, not only for the purpose of enhanced mental health, but also for better stress coping skills, the authors in The Wellness Book suggest that taking control of your life and deciding that the negative messages you may have received in childhood no longer apply to your adult self is essential; you have the right to challenge the assumptions you may have been given about yourself (p224-26)  Some people can do this on their own, and others may benefit from discussing these issues in psychotherapy.  Self-acceptance and a sense of humility towards yourself are also crucial for developing high self-esteem.

Realizing that mistakes and failures are part of the human experience and are sources of learning and growth and possible eventual success increases one’s stress hardiness.  Changing one’s thinking and attitude about oneself is not easy and requires time to happen, but even small changes and advances can make a difference.  How you view yourself can have a major effect on how you cope with the stresses of your life.

Learning what stress can teach you is another effective way of confronting and coping with stress.  Rechstchaffen and Cohen in Vitality and Wellness describe a technique called “dialoguing” where one can sit in a quiet place and have a conversation with yourself about a particular stress you may be having in your life (p.49)  Choosing the stress that bothers you the most or has the biggest effect on your life, consider that the stress may be trying to give you a message.

The authors suggest asking “Why are you here?” or “What do you want to tell me?” or any other question that may come to mind.  Listen for answers, write them down, and respond in your mind to those answers to see if more information comes into your awareness.  This process may give you insight into the stress itself and the role it plays in your life.  Rechstchaffen and Cohen comment, “Knowing something more about (the stress) expands the number of choices you can make to help manage and eliminate that stress.” (p.47)  Confronting the stress in this relaxed way may help you understand better its power to affect you, the triggers it pushes, unrecognized resources you may have that can help you deal with the stress, and how stepping back in a more objective way can help you find solutions for the stress more easily.  If we cannot learn from our stresses, they will continue to haunt and control us rather than offer us an opportunity to grow and live our lives more fully.

An extremely important way to deal with stress is making a conscious effort to be aware of the present moment and actually be in the present moment.  Next month, the rest of this column will be devoted to this subject, because living in the present moment is a key part of stress reduction.

See larger image Wellness Book: The Comprehensive Guide to Maintaining Health and Treating Stress-Related Illnes (Paperback) By (author) Herbert Benson, Eileen M. R.N. Stuart List Price: $18.99 USD New From: $4.40 In Stock Used from: $0.12 In Stock Release date October 1, 1993.

Simona Hadjigeorgalis

Cha-cha-cha-chia!  Yes, the same seeds that are the subject of those hilarious informercials for Chia Pets are also a superfood.  Chia seeds are an outstanding source of omega-3, dietary fiber, calcium, and iron. What does that mean for someone looking for a low-calorie energy boost during the day?

I started experimenting with Chia seeds a little over 2 years ago when I read an article that Aztec warriors used to eat chia seeds for strength and stamina.  What I found was that Chia seeds powder makes for a great low-calorie boost that fuels the body well.   The nutrients in the chia seeds add that extra something that puts a spring in my step.

How to make the energy drink   Here are my tips for making your own homemade, low-calorie, energy boosting drink.

1)    Fill your water bottle with water first

• Note:  when you add the Chia  seed powder first, it sticks to the bottle a little more which means it takes an extra few seconds to wash the bottle afterwards.

2)    Add 1-2 teaspoons of Chia Seed Powder

• Using the Chia Seed Powder (as opposed to the seed not in powder form), makes it easy to drink through a bike water bottle
• Use sprouted chia seeds if possible.  The sprouting process maximizes the body’s ability to digest and absorb the nutritional benefits
• Add 1-2 teaspoons of the powder.  You can experiment with adding 1-2 tablespoons, but for my palate, 1-2 teaspoons was the right consistency

3)    Squeeze in some lemon juice

• I use lemon juice concentrate (which you can find at whole foods), rather than squeezing a fresh lemon every morning.

4)    Shake well

5)    Drink right away

• This I learned from experience… believe me, you want to make this right before you drink it and not ahead of time.  When you make it  ahead of time, the seeds begin to create a gel in your water bottle and then it is less enjoyable to drink.  The gel is actually a positive thing in your digestive track, and research suggests that it has a positive impact on the way your body processes and breaks down carbohydrates.  However, the gel is not as tasty as the seeds.

Other nutritional benefits   In addition to being an effective energy boosting drink, because of the healthy fat in the chia seeds, I find myself less hungry.  There is a direct correlation between my consumption of healthy fats and my food cravings.  I tend to make much better choices for how to fuel my body well when I have started the day with healthy fats (like Chia powder in my water or Flax seeds in my green smoothies).

Plus Chia seeds contain dietary fiber, calcium, magnesium, iron, and other goodies.   Lots of good reasons to give this homemade, low-calorie, energy boosting drink a try!

The United States government has taken the first step toward the provision of more federal research money with the number one goal being to prevent and effectively treat this disease of the brain by 2025.

The draft framework for this plan has recently been completed, mostly due to the work of the National Alzheimer’s Project Act (NAPA), signed into law by President Obama last January. A number of experts have spent the year since the act went onto effect and the final draft is expected to be on Health and Human Services Director Kathleen Sibelius’ desk by the end of February, if not sooner.

In a statement, Ron Peterson, who chairs the NAPA non federal advisory council and serves as the Mayo Clinic’s Alzheimer ’s Disease Research Center said “given the economic problems, it is a bit of a challenge, but this is our chance to make a bold statement”.

George Vradenburg, also a member of the research committee commented that the plan is good overall but has to move faster. “It’s the first time the government has talked about a time-based goal to stop Alzheimer’s. I am going to urge we accelerate the time. I’m pushing for 2020.”

Now the sixth leading cause of death in America, Alzheimer’s is the only disease among the leading killers for which there is no prevention, cure or treatment to arrest its progress. Ronald Reagan suffered from Alzheimer’s, as do country singer Glen Campbell and women’s basketball coach Pat Summitt.

It affects over 5 million Americans annually and approximately 50 percent of those over the age of 85 have the disease. It is currently costing Medicare and Medicaid programs $130 billion a  year. However, as the World War II baby boomers, the nation’s largest population increase in the 20^th Century ,begin to age that figure is expected to rise to $1 trillion by 2050.

In 2011, the US government spent approximately $500 million on Alzheimer’s research and related dementias. In comparison, approximately $521 million was spent on complementary and alternative medicine, $823 million on obesity and $6 billion on cancer with additional funding for breast, brain and lung cancers. The key question to be answered is “where is the money coming from?”

“We are still in the process of getting feedback and making recommendations about funding levels, “Peterson has said. “But the plan in the future will have to be in tune with the fiscal realities everyone is facing now”.

Peterson said he expects the Department of Health and Human Services to finalize the NAPA plan by mid April in time for a research summit at the National Institute of Aging.

Simona Hadjigeorgalis

With the winter holidays behind us, it is time to get back into our routines.  The transition back into routine takes some effort, which makes now a particularly important time to nurture ourselves.  It is a challenge to prioritize ourselves when there is so much to do and so many depending on us.   But when we are kind to ourselves, we have more health and vitality to share with those that are depending on us.

Staying in harmony with our bodies’ messages is a wonderful way to nurture ourselves during the transition back into routine.  Here are a couple of ways we can do that:

1)    Honor our emotions
2)    Be conscious of the way we are fueling our bodies

Honoring our Emotions
For some of us, emotions are relegated to something to be controlled or ignored.  But another interpretation of emotions is to consider them messages from our bodies; and if we listen, they give us signals about what we need.

Acknowledging our emotions does not need to translate into acting upon them.  Rather, they can be used as a tool to check in with ourselves and listen.  Try not to categorize emotions into acceptable and not acceptable or good and bad.   Instead, try to be a detective of your own feelings.  Work to decode the messages our bodies are sending us via our emotions.  As you travel on this inner journey, remember to lean on books, friends, therapists, or rabbis because honoring your feelings and emotions can be healthy.

Fueling our bodies well
If you find yourself eating more than you typically do—stop and ask yourself if you are eating because you are hungry.  If not, ask yourself why you are eating.  Sometimes over the winter holidays, we fall into the habit of not listening to our bodies.  So what now?  Here are some tips to get us back into the swing of fueling our bodies well:

Tip #1:  Stay hydrated
Staying hydrated is important throughout the year, but we sometimes decrease our fluid intake in the winter without even realizing.  Our bodies still need water, even in the cold weather.  Try to keep up with your water consumption even if you don’t feel thirsty.

 Tip #2:  Be conscious of your food choices
Rather than putting fork to mouth (or hand to cookie to mouth), pause a moment prior to eating.  Ask yourself if your choices are fueling your body well.   When we make the decision consciously, we are more likely to be kind to our bodies.

Tip #3:  Get enough sleep to allow the body to do its job
Sleep is a time for our bodies to refresh and repair.  The tendency for most of us is to try to get that “one more thing” finished each day; but if we don’t listen to our bodies’ quiet whisper that it needs a full night sleep, it may choose to shout the message in the form of a cold.

As you transition back into routine, use the wisdom of your own body as a tool to support you.

Note:  If this article seems familiar, it is.  I originally posted this last year.  But I re-read it myself as I transitioned back to routine this January, so I thought others may wish to re-read as well. Wishing you a smooth transition back to routine.

The site also includes a blog with up to the minute information about elder care issues.

Check it out and leave a comment here if you find the site helpful.

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

I am in the middle of a fascinating new book by Eric Weiner entitled Man Seeks God (New York Times book review). I stumbled across Mr. Weiner as a result of  a New York Times op-ed piece that he wrote in December.

He is a card carrying agnostic who, as a result of a health scare, was motivated to search for a God and thus a religion that he could embrace. The question that a nurse posed to Weiner that set him off on his quest was a simple, yet profound one, “Have you found your God?” Not have you found God, but have you found your God? The book is an account of Weiner’s attempt to find a God, so to speak.; and it started me to to thinking about many of us at this stage in life who are also searching for our God. 

It seems to me that many baby boomers are searching for something, a place for ourselves, a sense of meaning or some place that can provide a foundation for us. That is why community is so important and relationships, especially as we age, become even more powerful. I think this desire for something non material is very present at this time of year. We just passed through the world series of materialism; the buying spree of Christmas and Hanukkah.

The new year dawns and we count up our possessions and realize that things do not equal meaning; that the emptiness is still there. In one of the chapters, Weiner is exploring living with some Franciscans in the South Bronx. A brother, commenting on this search for meaning says: “People think that things can fill the hole, but really it doesn’t. You just want more of that thing. And you can shove the entire ocean into this hole and it is still empty.”

So, here is a challenge for 2012. Why not accept the challenge of each of us trying to find his or her God. Really, not the God of our youth, but the one that speaks to us at this stage of our lives; as we deal with our own families, grandchildren, hopes and dreams, new challenges and our own mortality. An interesting challenge and one, if we allow it to develop, can lead us into some new and exciting possibilities.

May 2012 be a year of health and joy and peace!

Shalom,

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D.Min

See larger image Man Seeks God: My Flirtations with the Divine (Hardcover) By (author) Eric Weiner List Price: $26.99 USD New From: $14.20 In Stock Used from: $12.86 In Stock

David Friedman

I was totally unprepared when my father, Seymour Friedman, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2006. At first there was disbelief, because it did not seem that his memory loss went beyond what is normal for an 83 year old senior adult.

However, as the disease progressed, my disbelief finally turned into reality. In the past six years, I have watched my father change from a tall, robust individual into a shell that sits in a wheelchair every day, his head bowed with little or no recognition of his family or the rich, fulfilling life he had led.

So, several months ago, when I met the volunteer coordinator for the Alzheimer’s Association, I jumped at the opportunity to volunteer for that group, mostly because I wanted to learn as much as I could about this dread disease, for which there is no cure, which has stricken 5.4 million Americans and is now the nation’s sixth leading cause of death.

I also wanted to know, as I age, what the difference is between normal memory loss from aging and Alzheimer’s. Was forgetting where my car is parked, or where I left my cell phone normal, or part of the disease? I believe my father’s mother also suffered with the disease, but at the time of her death over 50 years ago, it was called senility, so there is a family history.

As I trained to become part of the Alzheimer’s Association I learned that losing things from time to time is typical for a 67 year old man.

I also learned the difference between dementia, from which my mother in law suffers and Alzheimer’s. Dementia is an umbrella term, much like the word cancer and may be caused by a variety of diseases, of which Alzheimer’s is one.

Armed with the knowledge I have gained, I feel better able to cope with my father’s condition,  and know the warning signs.  Equally important is my ability to now educate other men and women about the disease, its symptoms and the treatments available.

Now, in Seekers of Meaning, his newest and most personal work to date, he explores how the notion of a caring community can be transformative for individuals, particularly baby boomers struggling with issues of aging and mortality.

“Who am I? Why am I here?” These are questions that guide us–or haunt us–our entire lives. As we age, these questions take on new relevance, all the more so as we face the daunting challenges of our aging society. We are seeing the health of our parents decline. We are deferring retirement in a difficult economy. We are becoming caregivers for loved ones. We are struggling with our own issues of health and wellness. Where do we turn for guidance in navigating these uncharted waters? Where do we now seek meaning in our lives?

The answer, argues Rabbi Address, is to be found in our relationships. Using key texts from the Torah, he shows that the foundation of a happy and healthy life is the meaning we seek in it in the community of others–our family, our friends, our congregations–and in our most fundamental relationship, with the very Mystery behind our own existence. This “theology of relationships” can bring much needed change to the Jewish communities that have nurtured us for so much of our lives, and help us make for ourselves an older adulthood that is healthy and sacred.

See Rabbi Address’ other books here.

See larger image Seekers of meaning (Perfect Paperback) By (author) Richard Address List Price: $16.95 USD New From: $16.95 In Stock Used from: $13.11 In Stock