Rabbi Emeritus Jonathan P. Kendall

Who among us is not familiar with the faith-filled words of Job who, in the midst of crushing despair and loss, utters the famous line, “The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away; blessed be the Name of the Lord?”

Every Rabbi has intoned those words at funerals and gravesides and, at least in Western faiths, the same affirmation can be heard. Much like the 23^rd Psalm, these words of Job have become part of the universal arsenal of farewells. It takes a certain strength of faith to stand at a grave of a loved one and to articulate that phrase, to acknowledge that life and death are two sides of the same coin. The coffin rests, is suspended in air on its bier, and below there is an eternity of finality, separation and grief. To begin with, why do we bury our loved ones? Get beyond the rabbinic law and focus on the primitive and ancient premise that just as seeds planted will eventually grow, so we hope that our dear ones will sprout again.

Our Orthodox cousins call this M’khayye matim, a core principle of faith that asserts that our departed will be resurrected upon the arrival of the Messiah. Instead of oblivion, we will receive the gift of seeing them again. Even King David, while mourning his son Avshalom, almost off-handedly says, “I will go to him; he will not return to me,” as though the King will be reunited in some amorphous way with his son. Someone once called this “temporal finality.”

Once shiva, sh’loshim and the passage of time move emotions from heartache to gratitude (and thus memory DOES become blessing), a life may be placed into some beneficent perspective. In my experience, there is only one piece of this very human and universal narrative that lingers beyond normative healing.

If there was great suffering at the close of life, the issue of fairness raises its head. How unjust is it to watch a dear one decline and then, more than that, know that they are in pain? Participating in this rite de passage can suck the marrow from your bones. Look: we all know that there is a point, an indefinite point but a point nonetheless, when life stops giving and starts taking, but why the loss of dignity, serenity and laughter replaced by fear, uncertainty and discomfort? Is this the work of a just and kind God? Some bright light said that God never imposes on us more than we can handle.

I think they were blowing smoke in someone’s ear. I think that’s a cheap excuse and far beneath our “little lower than the angels” status. It leads us into feeling relief when our loved one dies and we console ourselves with the notion that they are now situated in a place where any agonies cannot touch them. We mouth the words that their very passing was a blessing. This turns on its head the idea that life is supposed to be the blessing piece and death – either easy and quick or glacially agonizing – is the tax we pay for the privilege of drawing breath, of loving, succeeding, hating, failing, inventing and re-inventing the direction of our days.

There is a surfeit of emotional pathology in living and even more in dying. Unfortunately, this is a minefield that is rarely entered. Mores the pity because a discussion of these inevitable and inexorable circumstances gives rise to a broader appreciation for the time we are allotted. There are no consummate conclusions from colloquies like this.

There is only a more nuanced appreciation for the idea that the Lord gives and the Lord takes – blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

There is a tradition with Judaism that the time between Pesach and Shavuot is spent studying the collection of sayings called Pirke Avot (Sayings of the Fathers).

This collection of sayings is part of our Mishnah and dates from around the year 2d century of the common era. Many young people in Confirmation class study this as part of their pre-Confirmation studies.

The book is a treasure of small, focused adages.

Several look to the challenges of learning and, I think, speak to the growing demand on the part of baby boomers for serious study of Jewish tradition.

A passage from chapter 4 of Pirke Avot asks about what it is like when one learns from an older person. The writer says that “one who learns from the old, to whom is such a person compared? To one who eats ripe grapes and drinks aged wine” (4:26).

This section is part of several little sayings that speak to the issues of learning when one is young and when one is not so young. There are numerous commentaries about these passages. Yet, these sections remind me of something that is taking place now. It speaks to the fact that, no matter what age we may be, learning is always possible, and, Jewish tradition seems to remind us that we need always to be open to new experiences and new ideas.

I think that one of the reasons so many boomers are leaving religious institutions like the synagogue is that so much emphasis is placed on youth. Indeed, this is a part of our role, to teach the young, and, in truth, there are many section of Pirke Avot that speak to this. However, to only focus on youth makes a tragic mistake of ignoring the age group that, perhaps as in no other time, needs  to learn the power of what Jewish texts and tradition can offer in guiding us through serious life situations. The rise in interest for such discussions is one of the reasons why so many of us flock to elder hostel programs or adult-college classes or community discussions on Jewish subjects. We never were taught it before and we would like to know how our faith can and does provide guidance for an increasingly complex life.

As the summer unfolds and we start to think about the coming year, listen to our tradition and its call to all of us to seek out some meaningful educational experiences. If your synagogue does not provide such opportunities, go to the rabbi and ask that these be developed. We are never too old to learn, to grow and to experience new ideas.

Shalom,

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

Visit www.jewishsacredaging.com for future episodes in this podcast series.

Subscribe to the RSS feed for the Jewish Sacred Aging podcast.

Subscribe to these podcasts in the Apple iTunes Music Store.

It is that time again. Families are gathering and the stories will flow as we sit around the seder table.

We are struck, as I will be this year, by the absence of certain people. This is the first Pesach since my mom died.

We are also filled with joy as to the presence of new faces.  This is first seder with my new grandson.

The “cycle” of life?

Passover has, as you know, it own set of rituals and customs. For an increasing number of Jews, the tradition of cleaning the home of chametz is proving to have meaning. Chametz are those foods that are not acceptable for Passover. These are the breads and flour and cereals and such that are so much a part of our daily life. The custom is to spend the days and night before Passover in cleaning out these elements. As we complete the task, we are asked to say a special blessing that honors the commandment to remove the chametz.

I was thinking about this ritual in recent days. I was reminded of it when looking at the Torah portion that precedes Passover (Portion Tzav) that mentions the cleaning of the alter after certain sacrifices.

There is a link between the notion of removing the unclean or unfit from the alter and our homes. That linkage, I suggest, is the ideal of removing that which is unclean or dangerous from our own souls.

Passover is a unique moment in the Jewish year. It is a time when all the images of the Exodus story can be brought to bear as a metaphor for each of our lives.

We are all trying to shed from our souls that which enslave us. We are all, in a way, in a long trek through the wilderness seeking meaning. And, we are all able to use this festival as a means of cleansing from our own souls that which is not in our best interests.

Each of us has a certain amount of chametz in our lives. Perhaps this idea of cleaning the house from the non Passover foods is really an invitation to cleanse our own souls of that which inhibits our own freedom. In that way, we are given another invitation by Jewish tradition and ritual to free ourselves of the past and to embrace a sacred future.

For us baby boomers, this image rings very true. Many of us are in various stages of transition. It is good to know that our own faith tradition encourages us, even commands us, to not be afraid to cleanse that which inhibits and enslaves our own salvation, growth and dreams.

I hope that the holiday has brought you peace and inspiration.

Rabbi Richard F Address, D.Min

Sandy Taradash

My Bubbe was a wise sage, Russian born, orphaned by the time she was nine months old, separated from three of her four siblings while she and a sister were raised by their wealthy/rabbi/merchant maternal zayde and bubbe. She would tell me that she never brushed her own hair as the maids did after they drew her bath. She was one of the few girls in the 1910 era who was educated at the yeshiva.

Till the day she died in 1984, she could quote classical Russian literature, answer any current political question and do a Borsht Belt routine all while preparing the best gefilte fish, knishes and schdruddle you ever tasted! Oh yes, and in between, she became a U.S. citizen. This was her life while raising me and two younger brothers after our parents were killed in a car accident in 1962, and she had already lost a child on the boat coming over, and then another son in 1960 to heart disease. Oy vay!

But my Bubbe had a burning question her entire life:

WHY did G-d not allow Moses to get to the Promised Land?

Bubbe had great faith in G-d, our Jewish heritage and traditions, and, in unsaid words, we lived our lives by our Jewish teachings. For instance, you did not bring butter to the table to spread on your challah or matzah at a holiday dinner—on non-holidays, it was ok—you never dated non-Jews, you never let the goyim know your tsuris (troubles/problems). AND, you did not play sports on Shabbos or Hebrew School days!!!

My two jock brothers were natural athletes who played baseball, basketball and football and knew in their hearts, because we were huge Dodger fans, they wanted to play ball more than go to Saturday morning services. But having a Russian-born Bubbe who could barely pronounce baaaasssssebaaaal didn’t exactly get you to practice on time! And then there was the slight issue of growing up living across the street from the rabbi and rebbetzin, who after our parents died, took it upon themselves to play an important role in our lives, and never let an opportunity go by to say, “It’s Shabbos, G-d wants you to rest, not play baseball!” Like that goes far with a seven and fourteen year old!”

Being the oldest sibling and a girl, I’m the only one who remembers the loud Yiddish rants between Bubbe and the boys and since they barely understood what she was saying, they did go to practice and games on Hebrew School days and Shabbos! No one, not even Bubbe—who please note, that all of us would have done anything in the world for—or a shanda for the neighborhood (embarrassment) was going to keep them from the thrill of victory. One brother related that during his Bar Mitzvah service, when the congregation joined him in responsive reading, it threw him off and he lost his place—because he had not attended enough Saturday mornings to see the sequence of the Bar Mitzvah service, and didn’t know there was communal chanting! “Thank goodness for the little man davening on the pulpit who showed me my place!”

But Divine intervention, through the voice of G-d, loudly vibrated among our congregation with the agony of defeat, and taught us all a lesson, when the rabbi’s oldest son, who had begged his father for two years to be allowed to play high school football, was finally granted his dad’s permission. During the first Friday night game, while we were all in shul, his son was rushed to the hospital with a broken collar bone! Be assured all the boys in the congregation didn’t question G-d’s existence that Shabbos and the rabbi’s son spent his remaining high school years on the bench/pew!

And so as we pass the Torah from generation to generation during the Bar Mitzvah service, I now struggle watching my very jock grandson begin to prepare for his Bar Mitzvah next year, and realize There is Nothing New Under the Sun! His non-Jewish dad, who is gracious to allow the children to be Jews, does not get the Hebrew School vs sports dilemma. The team, the win, all come before just another day at religious school for there are other days to be Jewish.

As for me, the next generation of Bubbe, and being a Baby Boomer Bubbe, this is my burning question: How does this dilemma of understanding that sports will always be there and religious school is only for a short time, get settled while feeling there is a lesson here to be learned?

But as G-d responded to Moses about my Bubbe’s question:

“Let it suffice thee; do not continue to speak to me any more on this matter”……

I guess there are some questions that will forever go unanswered. And to the words of the wise sage of the 60s, John Lennon, “Let it be, let it be.”

Oy vay! What’s a Baby Boomer Bubbe to do?

Rabbi Jonathan P. Kendall

I officiated at a re-consecration of vows for a couple this past weekend who were celebrating their 60^th anniversary. Though we are far from Yom Kippur, I have a confession: my first thoughts were about a classic scene from a Naked Gun movie in which the late Leslie Nielsen, disconsolate and bereft, tells his partner, George Kennedy, how lucky he is to be married to the same woman for more than 30 years…

“Every morning, the same face on the pillow, the same conversations, the same sexual partner…”

leaving Kennedy foaming at the mouth in despair, inconsolably resigned to his fate. Over-the-top to be sure, but nonetheless it was a very funny scene. Somehow, by shear dint of will, I managed to keep any reference to this out of my words to the “bride” and “groom.”  Sixty years is a long time and this doesn’t include the period of courtship.

To prepare for this simcha, the couple met with me in the Temple’s library. Since I became emeritus and didn’t want an office on the campus (by my lights, another symbol of not being able to let go) the library, surrounded by treasures of Jewish history and custom, seemed a perfect site. What I heard from them was a verbal panorama of Jewish life. The bride had been spirited out of Germany as a child. The groom was a product of the Lower East Side. They met in her family’s kosher bakery. The entire family had been scattered everywhere, but was going to come together for this signal event. When the time came, there was Hebrew being spoken from the crew that made it to Palestine before Israel became Israel. Everyone in this family over 55 spoke a wonderfully florid, intrusive and loud Yiddish. The four huppa-holders never shut up and I found myself saying “sha stil” even though the closest I ever got to a Jewish patois was the Ladino my father of blessed memory recalled from his childhood.

And so, the vows were re-consecrated and there was the usual hesitation (which invited the on-cue, anticipated raucous laughter) when both pointedly paused for a moment when asked if they would take each other as wife and husband again. They held hands throughout the ceremony. They were, by the most generous standards, gnarled, old hands with blooming liver spots and visible signs of arthritis. Here a scratch, there a scrape, a festival of capillary fragility played knick-knack paddy-whack on their thumbs. They were hands that had worked, embraced, caressed, given encouraging pats and hopeful touches, raised in clenched fists of anger and opened to dazzling possibilities. In and of themselves, they were hands that spoke volumes about growing old together, about devotion, commitment, sacrifice, selflessness, patience and love. What began as routine rite for me became a universal treatise on the shared passage of time, the debilities of old age and the fulfillment of promises kept and vows remembered.

At the reception I encountered one of the younger grandchildren.

“Do you understand how lucky you are to see this,” I asked?

“Yeah, I guess I am,” he said and then went back to texting on his I-Phone.

Donald M. Friedman, MD

This part of the column deals with living in the present moment as a way to deal with stress.  It is actually very difficult for many of us to live in the present moment. We either get so focused on the past or so concerned about what’s going to happen in the future or both.  But being or living in the moment can so increase not only our awareness of what is happening in our immediate surroundings, but also our awareness of ourselves, i.e. our thoughts and emotions and our bodies.  Our society is so goal oriented that we are always focused on doing, being busy accomplishing and producing results.  We forget, or in some cases never learned, how to just “be.”

For months after I retired, people would come up to me and ask, “So what are you doing now?”  I thought that after 28 years of medical practice, 10 years of school and professional training, I didn’t have to be doing anything.  And so I began to answer, “I’m not doing, I’m being.” This would usually engender a puzzled look and an “Oh, OK” reply and then the person would cease and desist and change the subject.  Just being with yourself without any distraction, particularly difficult with all the gadgets we have, can get you in touch with what your real thoughts and feelings are.  This can be a scary prospect, but also such a potentially enriching one.  How many of us don’t really stop during the day and give some time only to ourselves where we can get to know ourselves better and appreciate the many gifts around us, most of them not material ones, and the many gifts we have internally?  We can get anxious about doing this practice because we are not productive by society’s standards and also because we may meet who are real selves are.  But the rewards of this approach are many and worth the effort.

Two authorities on this subject, Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a psychologist who studied self-esteem, and Thich Nhat Hanh a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, are quoted in Vitality and Wellness.  Dr. Branden said,

“Chronic tension conveys the message of some form of internal split, some form of self-avoidance, or self-repudiation, some aspect of the self being denied or held on a very tight leash….Relaxation implies that we are not hiding from ourselves, not at war with who we are.” (p.51)

Thich Nhat Hanh said,

“We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living…. We are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on.  But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.” (p.51)

It is important to be in the present and not get lost thinking about the past or worrying about the future.  This approach alone can relieve a lot of stress and help us be creative about dealing with the problems we face.

One of the reasons it is so difficult to be in the present moment is because we are so aware of time pressures.  Dr. Rechtschaffen developed his concept of

“Time- Shifting” as a response to the time stresses we all feel.  He describes it in Vitality and Wellness as a process where we can find “many ways in which we can joyfully create more time to enjoy our lives now.” (p.89)  Essentially, Time- Shifting “synchronizes the rhythms in our inner and outer worlds….it helps us to speed up or slow down the pace of our lives in response to what’s happening around us.” (p.69)  This means at times you speed up because the circumstances demand that you do, and at other times, you slow down because it suits you, even if the others around you are moving at a frantic pace.  The end result is that you give yourself more time to enjoy your life.  Time- Shifting gives you more “time awareness…. to enjoy your life by living it in the now….The basic principles include: slowing down, noticing what’s happening in our inner and outer worlds, and taking time to experience our physical and emotional states.” (p.72)  In a sense, time shifting brings us back to our own lives as an antidote to the stressful message society gives us to be busy and moving and productive and distracted.

Dr. Rechtschaffen puts an emphasis on experiencing one’s feelings and emotions as a part of the time- shifting practice.  It’s part of taking time for yourself, even if it’s only a few minutes.  We often tend to ignore our feelings and emotions during the day so that we can keep going, focusing only on the task at hands.  We may also ignore our feelings and emotions because of the discomfort and pain that may result from paying attention to them.  But unnoticed and unacknowledged feelings and emotional reactions can cause stress themselves.  Meeting one’s self by being present to how one is feeling can be satisfying as well as stress-relieving.  It complements the time- shifting practice of slowing down periodically to notice what is happening in our external environment as well.  This, too, can lead to enriching moments that give us peace and a sense of connection to the world around us.

Some of the techniques Dr. Rechstchaffen recommends in Vitality and Wellness (p.87-88) are:

1. Set boundaries – setting aside time for yourself that it is totally yours with no interruptions.  He suggests reading, exercise, journaling, meditating, spending time in Nature.
2.  Create a ritual – meditating, prayer, looking at a beautiful object or  an attractive scene in nature, join a spiritually oriented group.
3. Honor the mundane – find meaning and value in the everyday, such as cleaning, cooking, brushing your hair, taking your medication, walking the dog, paying bills.  This also can be a form of meditation.
4. Be spontaneous – go out to dinner or a movie last minute; take a trip to a nearby place you’ve never been; take a day off.

All of these practices shift the emphasis from taking care of others and meeting their demands to taking care of yourself.  Creating time for yourself and using it for your own growth and rejuvenation is an excellent way to soften the time stresses we all have.  Dr. Rechtschaffen has a whole book on time-shifting that discusses his ideas and practices in more detail; the title is Time Shifting: Creating More Time to Enjoy Your Life.

Finally, a meditation practice is a powerful tool to help manage the stresses in one’s life.  Meditation is being recognized more and more as a way to achieve an inner peace, a sense of calm, insight, balance, diminished stress and tension, heightened awareness, not only of your own feelings, but also of many aspects of your environment you may have ignored.  It is a gift you can give yourself every day, even if for a few minutes.  Like Time- Shifting, it helps you return to yourself away from all the pressures, demands, and distractions of your usual daily life.  And meditation can also connect you more with your own body and what you are feeling physically.  From the medical viewpoint, meditation has been shown to lower blood pressure, decrease pain, increase immune function, and decrease anxiety and depression.

A particular type of meditation, mindfulness meditation, can be enormously helpful by encouraging one to focus on the present moment, a process that may be quite difficult, given the constant distraction of our society.  In fact, many people rely on technology (from TV to iphones) more and more because of the escape it affords from the reality before us in our physical environment and the reality of our inner thoughts and feelings.  Jon Kabat Zinn has written extensively on mindfulness and mindfulness meditation in his books, Wherever You Go, There You Are (ROUGH CUT) and Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness.

He stresses the importance of being in the moment through mindfulness meditation, certainly while practicing it, but even during the rest of the day when you are not meditating.  A regular practice promotes your being in the moment throughout your whole day.  The end result of being in the moment is awareness.  This awareness not only enriches your perceptions, but also engenders a calmness and receptivity because you are more open to yourself and what is around you.  It is a prime example of “being” instead of “doing.”  Another aspect of mindfulness meditation is not trying to change anything, be it your thoughts, observations, or what you experience.  It’s just a matter of noticing all these things for what they are and nothing else.

Acceptance is such an integral part of mindfulness meditation – acceptance of having thoughts, which you are encouraged to let go of while you concentrate on your breathing during meditation, acceptance of who you are, and acceptance of how things are in the moment.  As pointed out by Sogyal Rinpoche in his famous and insightful book, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, mindfulness meditation can diminish our negativity, difficult emotions, and the possibility of responding aggressively.  Because of the generous acceptance of our thoughts and feelings, we begin to feel better and encourage our own healing to occur.  Mindfulness meditation practice can foster a certain equanimity that allows one to meet life’s ups and downs, highs and lows in a more balanced and calm way.

Teachers of mindfulness meditation emphasize that one of the benefits of the practice is developing the ability to step back from your initial reaction to challenging events, or people you meet, or things people say or do to you.  This is part of the process of awareness that mindfulness mediation fosters.  I had just finished my second week of the Penn Program for Mindfulness course when I had an enlightening experience while I was sitting on a park bench in the Square I love in Philadelphia.

While I was having coffee and a muffin, I suddenly noticed small white blossoms coming down, some of them heading for my coffee.  My initial reaction was, “I don’t want this stuff in my coffee!” but because I had just been taught to step back, I stopped fretting and looked up, and there was this magnificent shower of blossoms.  It looked as if it were snowing in the middle of May.  I would have totally missed it otherwise, if I had given in to my initial reaction.

As I was looking up, I felt a bump against my back and there was a squirrel that had jumped up on the bench to steal a big crumb of my muffin that had fallen on the seat.  Again, my first reaction was, “Get away from me; you may be rabid.”  But again, I stepped back and just looked at the squirrel who was sharing the bench with me with the big crumb in his mouth and who was staring back at me as if to ask if it was OK to take its prize.  I indicated it was.  The squirrel jumped off the bench, but returned 2 or 3 times to the grass behind the bench, just to look at me.  My imagination told me some communication was going on, and I would have missed it all if I had gone with my original reaction.  “Stepping back” through mindfulness is a wonderful way to confront stress.

Finally, mindfulness meditation can deepen your own spirituality.  It encourages you to be more open to see beneath the surface, not only in yourself, but in your connection to others and to the whole world.  If you’re mindful, you’re better able to sense the richness of a beautiful scene in Nature, the warmth behind a friendly smile, the feelings expressed in a heartfelt conversation, the similarities of life experiences between two people who on the surface are quite different.  It is a very spiritual experience to feel part of something bigger than yourself, and mindfulness mediation can help you do this by first connecting you to your own body, thoughts, and feelings and then by making you more aware of your connection to everything around you.

I once sat in my cherished Square the morning after a snowstorm.  The sky was blue, and fluffy snow was blowing from the tree branches.  It seemed as if it was still snowing.  Some creative person had made 10 snowmen, each a little more than a foot tall, with twigs for arms and stones for eyes.  Each one was sitting on a different bench.  I quickly got a cup of coffee and sat there myself enjoying the company of these snowy beings.  It was a wondrous moment – I felt connected to Nature, the person or persons who gave the gift of their creativity, the beauty present after a snowstorm, and the stillness of the universe.  As I sat there, at least 5 or 6 people rushed by, either on their phones or preoccupied with being on time for work or what they had to do that day.  None of them saw the snowmen at all.  Maybe if they had, the experience might have had a positive effect on their day.

So how does one go about practicing mindfulness meditation?  Jon Kabat Zinn’s book, Full Catastrophe Living, goes over the process in clearly delineated detail.  A very quick summary is found on pages 111-12 of Vitality and Wellness.

Essentially, you should find a comfortable chair to sit up straight in with both feet on the floor.  The room should be quiet and free of distraction.  You can concentrate on your breathing, being aware of each breath in and each breath out.  You can also concentrate on a word or phrase and repeat it over and over again.  What commonly happens is that thoughts come into your mind, anything from your grocery list to something that happened or something you’re planning to something or someone who upset or pleased you.  The aim is to acknowledge the thought and then let it go and concentrate again on your breathing or the phrase or word you’ve chosen.  These thoughts that come up are the “monkey mind” at work, and it is totally normal.

Even seasoned meditators can struggle with intrusive thoughts while they’re meditating.  The point is to let go of the thoughts and not judge yourself.  Rechtschaffen and Cohen sum it up beautifully when they comment, “Don’t strive for results – it’s the antithesis of being present to the moment.  Be accepting of who you are – all that you are – and what is happening to you in the moment.  And finally, let go – of all the thoughts, feelings, and situations that the mind wants to hold onto…” (p. 113, Vitality and Wellness)

Here are the words of Jon Kabat Zinn, taken from Full Catastrophe Living and quoted in Vitality and Wellness (p.114), that best describe mindfulness and being in the present moment: “The richness of present-moment experience is the richness of life itself.  Too often we let our thinking and beliefs about what we ‘know’ prevent us from seeing things as they really are.  We tend to take the ordinary for granted and fail to grasp the extraordinariness of the ordinary.  To see the richness of the present moment, we need to cultivate what has been called ‘beginner’s mind,’ a mind that is willing to see everything as if for the first time.”

Finally, there are other practices that can reduce stress – yoga and tai-chi are physical practices that have calming effects and allow one to be in the present moment, thus helping to diminish stress.  There are also physical benefits to these practices.  Rechtschaffen and Cohen also mention affirmations and guided imagery as practices that can help stress reduction.  Affirmations involve repeating positive statements and thoughts as a way to change a negative thinking pattern.  Guided imagery resembles meditation in its calming effect and its effect on the mind’s activity.  It is essentially a guided spoken meditation that can utilize any of the senses and results in relaxation, a calming feeling, and possibly better coping abilities.  The guided imagery can be experienced through CD’s or classes where there is a live leader, such as in meditation centers or workshops.  In choosing a practice, the important point is to choose one that works for you.  But you have to try a practice regularly before deciding whether it is helpful or not.

To summarize, I’d like to quote a comment on stress posted on the Penn Program for Mindfulness website :  “Stress affects your health.  It affects your day to day functioning, physical and mental well being and interactions with others – your quality of life.  Sadly, stress limits how you view yourself and how you engage in the world.  Ultimately, you miss the texture and richness that provide meaning, and bring joy and fulfillment to your everyday experiences.”  Stress can limit not only how we view ourselves, our work, and the world we live in, but also how we are able to enjoy our lives and relate and connect to others.  If stress becomes chronic, it can even be connected to the onset and/or course of an illness.  It is therefore important to lessen the stresses in our lives and approach stress in a way that fosters self-care.  The attitudes you develop toward stress and the techniques and practices you utilize to cope with it can be crucial for your happiness and your health.

See larger image Wellness Book: The Comprehensive Guide to Maintaining Health and Treating Stress-Related Illnes (Paperback) By (author) Herbert Benson, Eileen M. R.N. Stuart List Price: $18.99 USD New From: $5.92 In Stock Used from: $0.01 In Stock Release date October 1, 1993.

Simona Hadjigeorgalis

Passover is a wonderful time of year to clean our external and internal spaces.  For many of us, we already carve out the time to clean our kitchens in preparation for the holiday.  And we already eliminate certain foods.  Can we add an intention of “wellness” to that tradition and still remain connected to the religious significance of Passover?  As a Reform Jewess, I feel empowered to ask the question.

Passover already prescribes a ritual cleaning of our external space, a week of conscious eating, spiritual contemplation, and connection to family and community.  Through my lens, it has all the components of a powerful wellness ritual.

Being conscious about our existing Passover tradition

As we purify our homes for the coming holiday, we take the time to review what we have in the refrigerator, the pantry, and all the corners of the kitchen that do not always get our attention.  We clean everything and we purge the chametz.  And then, when the holiday arrives, we eliminate chametz from our diets for a week.

In addition to cleaning our external and internal spaces during Passover, we connect with the wisdom and gifts of our ancestors, we come together with family, we take time to reflect and appreciate our freedom from slavery, and we practice gratitude by singing Dayenu.

When you go through the paces of your existing Passover traditions, are you conscious of these things, or have you done it so many times that you are going through the motions on autopilot?

I know there is a lot of hustling around to get ready for the Seder meal.  The meal itself is a labor intensive, multi-course event that takes planning and preparation.  So with all the planning, orchestrating, and logistics, when you go through the paces of the ritual, do you feel energized and uplifted from the holiday?

What could a Passover wellness ritual include?

The existing components of the Passover celebration are already so powerful.  In my perspective, it is a matter of bringing focused attention to each step, asking ourselves more questions, and being very clear about our intentions.

Open the Passover ritual by setting intentions
Since Jewish holidays follow the lunar calendar, one approach we can take is to align our ritual to the phases of the moon.  Passover is celebrated on the full moon, so one option is to begin the ritual with the new moon preceding Passover (this year that would be on Thursday March 22^nd ).

How to set intentions

• Start by setting aside a prescribed amount of time (ideally 20 minutes of uninterrupted time)
• Grab a glass of water and something to write with then find a place that you can reflect
• Once you settle into your place, take a moment to sit in silence and take in a few deep breaths.
• Then begin reflecting upon and writing your intentions regarding your wellness and how it weaves into the upcoming holiday.  The writing is for you, so be honest with yourself and let your ideas flow freely.   Use positive language, think about desired outcomes, and define clear time frames.

Cleaning our external spaces
As we go through our refrigerators and pantries purging the chametz and cleaning the nooks and crannies, we can also take the time to tie that cleaning ritual to our intentions.  For example, if your intentions are to feel a greater sense of connection with our traditions, then as you clean, you can visualize the generations before us following these same rituals.  If your intention is to use this as a spring board to cleaning the rest of your house, then you can feel a deep sense of accomplishment that you’ve started with your cleaning task  (you may also be interested in reading Treating our homes as sacred space).  And if your intention is to use this as an opportunity to make healthy food choices, then as you purge the chametz, you may also want to consider removing some of the processed foods from your pantry.

The power of setting intentions is that all your activities will further your path to achieving them.  Your actions can be more deliberate and the outcomes can be by designed rather than just by default.

Gathering with our community
We typically spend Passover with a community.  Whether it is your family, friends, neighbors, or fellow-congregants make a conscious effort to fully appreciate what it means to connect in ceremony and tradition.  Part of the recipe for wellness is loving connection, and sharing a ritual meal like a Seder not only connects us to the people in the room, it connects us the people all around the world that are participating in similar rituals.  And it connects us to our ancestors.  Elevating our awareness of the positive impact that connection has can also elevate the joy and wellness it will bring.

Cleaning our internal spaces (food elimination)
During Passover, we eliminate certain foods from our diet for 8 days, which forces us to make conscious food choices all week.  While we are being more conscious about what we eat, we have an opportunity to observe our patterns.  Do you stay hydrated throughout the day? Do you make choices for foods that fuel your body well?  How often do you get side-tracked with cravings?  Does the amount of sleep impact your food choices?

These are all interesting points of information that raise your awareness about some of the daily choices we all make that can have an impact on our wellness.

For me, I have concluded that is it appropriate to add wellness intentions as part of my Passover Celebration and I have found that it enhances my connection to the holiday.  When we look out for our well being, we have more strength and energy to be the best us’s we can be; which also means we are able to participate more and contribute more.

Sandy Taradash

As one grows older, we often look back upon our life for the influences that made us who we are today.

Besides the very dear people in and out of my life, four childhood books stand tall in a prominent place on a shelf where every day I can remember what they have said to me.

Disney’s Cinderella enchanted me until my charming prince turned into a frog and shattered my glass slipper and the marriage I thought was forever didn’t turn into a happily ever after which only made all the acorns that fell on my head feel like doom while my inner Chicken Little ran around screaming, ‘THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!” but then The Little Engine That Could serendipitously crossed my path and when all looked as if it was going downhill, I tugged and pulled and pulled and tugged and Chicken Little and Cinderella made me yell loud and clear “I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!” and suddenly I was going uphill and Serendipity and I reached the mountain top together and I my light bulb went on to teach me that all things happen for a reason, and this too shall pass, and, I cry, I mourn, I laugh and I learn to eat again.”

As I reflect upon these words that just barreled out of me, I am struck how very Jewish the conclusion is!

It makes me realize how so much of what I think has Jewish implications:

“Is this good for the Jews?”

And,

“OMG, Bernie Madoff is Jewish!”

“Oy vey, is David Berkowitz Jewish? How could a nice Jewish boy be ‘Son of Sam’ and a serial killer?”

(FYI: He was born Richard David Falco and adopted by the Berkowitz family, so he may not have been born Jewish, which could be an emotional relief for many of us!)

And how glad I was to know that Madeleine Albright has Jewish roots!

I can recognize that look from my non-Jewish friends when these kinds of references come up and I see in that look that they are wondering, “WHY does it matter IF they are Jewish or not?”

How do you explain that question to a non-Jew or someone who isn’t a Baby Boomer, like our kids and grandkids?

The truth is, it does matter!

We Jews who take our heritage and culture to heart are hurt when a Jew is pointed out for a discretion and so very honored when a Jew is recognized for his/her accomplishments. I believe the answer is that because we Jews are a community and whether we know the Jew in question or not, he/she reflects our bigger community. We Jews have to stick together, because for the most part, we will always help each other in time of need. We will identify with that other Jew.

But how do you get this across to grandchildren today?

No one ever sat me down and told me this concept but I always knew it. Maybe because at my East Los Angeles junior and senior high schools, circa early 1960s, there were several lunch-time trees where the Hispanic kids ate, the Jewish kids ate and the “sosh (social) kids”—student body officers, football team and cheer leaders, ate.

No one told us to eat in these designated places, we just gravitated there and felt comfortable that it was our place. I know you’re asking “Weren’t there any Jewish “sosh kids?” Yes, there were, some of us who stepped out of the designated places to be editor of the junior and high school papers, marched on Shabbat in competition band parades and sat on Student Council boards. But, at lunch-time, we always went to our tree.

Would I advise my four grandchildren, in today’s world, circa the 21 Century, to purposely congregate with only their Jewish friends?

I can hear my Bubbe saying, “Yes!”

FYI: I couldn’t even date non-Jewish boys and didn’t and haven’t!—but I know from the depths of my heart, my grandkids wouldn’t get the why of this concept, they would think I was prejudiced, racist and a few other meshuggeneh/crazy things!

Oy vey, what’s a Baby Boomer Bubbe to do?

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

We are all part of a generation that seeks to find answers to healthy living in the hope of extending an active and involved life.

I’m happy to say that the role of religious and spiritual practice in healthy aging is gaining momentum. A recent article and a new book give more evidence that spirituality really does help us feel better longer.

One interesting take on healthy aging appeared in a recent issue of Generations, the journal of the American Society on Aging.

Dr. Andrew Newberg

Dr. Andrew Newberg directs a Center for Integrative Medicine at Philadelphia’s Jefferson University. He researches the brain and the impact of spiritual issues and activities on the brain. His article “Spirituality and the Aging Brain” (Generations. Vol. 35. Number 2. Summer 2011. p. 83) joins a growing list of such articles that trace studies linking healthy aging and religious life. It seems, according to Dr. Newberg and other scholars at such places as Duke, that belonging to and involvement with religious communities does impact longevity and health. So, yes, go join a synagogue and get involved!

Newberg writes that: “Religiosity may confer benefits for some individuals. Religious service attendance is predictive of higher life satisfaction among elders…Hope and optimism seemed to run higher among religious individuals than non religious individuals in some study populations…there appears to be an array of benefits from religious and spiritual practices and experiences that benefit physical and mental health.” (p. 87. 88).

This should not some as too much of a surprise. After all, as a devotee of the “theology of relationships”, it is easy to see that surrounding one’s self with people and activity has to be of greater benefit than a life of isolation. Newberg traces studies that look at spiritual practices as well. He notes that not only prayer can be of benefit, but also such spiritual practices as meditation can have a health promoting impact on each of us as we age.

A book I recently read looked at this from a non-scientific perspective.

Lewis Richmond’s Aging as a Spiritual Practice: A Contemplative Guide to Growing Older and Wiser (Gotham Books. NYC. 2012, purchase below) spends a lot of  time examining the value of meditation.

Richmond includes the following observation that in his examination of hundreds of scientific articles he was “stunned” to discover that “those who attend religious services at least once a week tend to survive seven years longer than those who don’t.” (p. 93) Part of this was not only attending services but also included the component of service to others. Again, the power of relationships and community in a sacred setting seems to promote a healthy life and longevity.

I mention these two examples because they reflect again the need for all of us to re-connect with something beyond our own self.

The world, despite our age, keeps getting more complicated. Technology runs amok and seems to control our lives.

Yet, in our own searches for meaning and places to “connect” with people rather than gigabytes, it seems that our own sacred communities provide that foundation of faith and relationships that can provide us with pathways to health and spiritual growth.

This is, in the end, not such a bad thing.

Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address. D.Min