I’ve had some instances in my day that would definitely count as assault and, maybe even, rape.

Story Time

There’s the obvious one, where I knew it was assault as it was happening. I may have mentioned this on my Tumblr before but I can quote the relevant part. This was in regards to dressing slutty and “asking for it.” For reference, I was (I think) 20.

I was also attacked in a manner that I thought I would have been raped. I literally thought to myself “so this is what it what it feels like to be raped”. But I was lucky. A creepy guy just wanted to show me he’s in charge. Held me down for a few minutes, cupped my mouth, but then ran away. It was early Saturday morning, about 7AM. And some really nice people in the neighborhood (New York, right around Time Square) helped me assemble myself and call the cops. I was wearing long sleeves (regular t-shirt neck), jeans (full pants), a bandanna on my head, and sneakers. It was my first day that I was supposed to work on an independent film (doing sound). I couldn’t have been dressed more modestly!

I should also note that it shouldn’t matter what someone is wearing when they are assaulted.

Then there was this time at 15, where a 20-year-old man felt me up. It was my first time being drunk (not first time drinking, though) and we were also smoking pot. A “friend” of mine let it happen as leapt in and out of reality. I didn’t receive much romantic or sexual attention in school. Being awkward and chubby, I was actually happy to receive attention from someone who wasn’t honking and whistling while driving by. Now that I think about, I’m disgusted by everything about it: feeling unwanted and what this guy did to me. I even started to like this creep for a short period of time but nothing much else happened.

Then, in college, there were a couple times that I was more intoxicated than I could handle while having a sexual encounter. During this one incident, I recall blacking out a few times. I barely remember any of it except a lot of blackness. I had passed out on the couch several times prior to this, so the guy probably should have known better than to take me back to his place. Some might call it rape but I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with that because I can’t remember everything that happened. While most of it was due to being fucked up, the rest I buried.

Assault Can Come From Anyone

Women can also be an aggressor. I recall hanging out with two girls in high school who were planning on getting some guys drunk to hook up with them. It was two girls and two guys…and me watching Speed 2. It just felt wrong to me that the girls seemed to be scheming to get guys drunk. Yet I also felt “left out” of the party. This is one of those incidents that may explain why I felt starved for attention.

Intoxication Culture

I think part of the problem is the need for people to get so drunk and high beyond ability to use motor skills. I’m all for having fun and doing what ever intoxicants you please. The part that may be a problem is needing so much alcohol (or other drugs) to even enjoy anything. Especially in high school and college (or those ages), it can lead to a lot of sticky situations.

Over the past ten years, I have developed severe alcohol intolerance and can’t drink more than a few sips. Maybe I’m just jealous? After all, the copious amounts of peer pressure all come from alcohol consumption, in my experience. I had never been pressured to do any other drugs, only alcohol. This mostly happened later on in my life by coworkers as well as people I partied with in college. The amount that some people drink makes me queasy just thinking about it.

All of us should be more aware about the extreme intoxication of those around us. If a friend is too out of it, help them to get home or somewhere else safe. If you’re worried that someone you’re about to have sex with may not really be able to give consent, you should rethink it. Different people handle different things differently. It’s hard to always know but you can be fairly certain if someone’s been passing out all evening.

Note

I should mention that I was never drugged against my will.

In Conclusion

I really don’t want to come off as if I’m telling people what they should do. I do, however, think it’s wise to be aware if you are worried about “accidentally” assaulting, or date raping, someone.

Assault can happen to anyone by anyone. It doesn’t matter what is between your legs or on your chest or how you dress or look. One factor in date rape is being too intoxicated. The pressure to keep drinking until the point of total shit-facedness is so strong, it could lead to these types of potentially assaulting situations. It’s possible that the drinking culture needs to be reassessed in a way that people don’t feel pressured this badly to get so messed up that they don’t know their ass from someone else’s elbow.

This certainly won’t end assault but it wouldn’t hurt!

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It’s been a while since I’ve blogged here. Yes, a lot has happened but I don’t need to go into every detail just yet. There is still some family iffiness but it’s stable.

I would like to start writing again. Not everything blogged here will be 100% humanism, but will general pertain to the subject (at least in some way). I don’t have a lot to say about religion, Judaism, atheism, skepticism that hasn’t already been said. I will still talk about these things without worrying if it fits into a neat little package. Thinking ahead, I have some ideas on posts regarding racism, feminism and a plethora of other topics that are being mulled over. These all do fall under the humanism banner.

There’s also too many dramas (yes, I ended that in an “s” on purpose) in the atheism and skepticism community. I really don’t care for some of the divisiveness, nor do I plan on going into much of it. Also, I don’t care about “taking sides” or saying something nasty for the sake of it. I really don’t care about hits. Clearly. There are two things I am referring to here: the split regarding atheism plus as well as the pinning of skeptics against atheists.

These things–and more–have drained me of my energy in the online atheist/skeptic community. I will still write on these topics specifically as well as a general humanism aim. Additionally, I suspect I will continue blogging about personal stuff here and there.

Even though I am tired and drained of all energy, I still want to write. Zombies are still cool, right?

There will be more essay-type writings and less of a typical blog that posts anything just for the sake of posting (i.e., any random image online or a news story blockquoted without any input). While I do put some rants on Tumblr and shorter ones on Twitter, this is where I should be writing anything more than a short piece.

I’ve been away for some time. And, now, I’m ready to come back.

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I once wrote a piece about “equity feminism” without doing enough research. I like the idea that women and men should have equal opportunities; I like equalism—or what feminism is supposed to mean. Definitions change over time; I’m not certain if that has happened or not. All I can be certain of is that I stand for equal opportunities for all with an emphasis on naturalism. Isn’t that what humanism stands for?

I head about a month or so ago that humanism includes feminism so there’s no need for one to state that he/she/they are a feminist when asserting their humanism. I never thought about that before but it started sinking in a bit later. The only thing that humanism leaves out are our non-human animal counterparts. Being a meat-eater, I am also a hypocrite as I love animals. I have gone vegeatrian several times but it’s difficult to maintain. With having Celiac Disease, it’s hard to find things to eat. It’s already expensive (gluten-free eaters spend, on average, 242% more).

That aside, it doesn’t matter what I call myself anymore. I am me. Don’t like me? Fine then, go away. Like me? Great. Let’s chat.

I don’t always fit into labels. Equity feminism comes from more of a libertarian position, which I am not. Though I do agree with some libertarian stances. Pro-choice, for one. Let people marry who they want. (I actually haven’t even figured out what the problem is with mutual polygamy. Still working on that one.) Additionally, I think prostitution and all drugs should be legal. That’s another libertarian (not the phony Ron Paul libertarian-esque republican) stance. However, I’m also a proponent of single payer health care, NASA, education and the EPA. I don’t have to fall in line with anyone, though I do tend to sway the liberal way.

This is me.

I think humans are basically and mostly good with a some bad seeds, not the other way around. I care about equal opportunity for all women and men, for all people of color (and all colors), for those of any age, etc—no matter what nation you come from. Everyone deserves a chance. Sometimes even a second and third chance.

Do I need to refer to myself as a feminist if I’m a humanist? Some say it’s redundant. The term atheist is also problematic but, in our society, sometimes it is necessary. I’m not an a-golfist or an a-stampist, as the cliché goes. It’s a tricky subject because it is necessary to use sometimes. Also, the term skeptic/sceptic is starting to bother me. I prefer “critical thinker,” if anything. The word “skeptic” has many meanings, not always used aptly. I’ve also heard some skeptics who bashed atheism, which makes no sense to me. They are usually atheists, too; they just hate the term or the idea on it’s own. Those skeptics who talk badly about atheists sound like S.E. Cupp, who is famous for spreading animosity toward liberal atheists and antitheists, though she claims to be an atheist herself. (On a side note, as much as I don’t like S.E. Cupp [though she does have great hair], I think it is good that atheists aren’t some monolithic block. Anyone can be an atheist; this is good for getting people to understand how innocuous atheism really is. )

I don’t know where I fit in. And I’m tired of trying.

I am me. That’s who and what I am.

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Contrary to “orthodoxy”, “orthopraxy” emphasis rituals and traditions. The belief aspect is not a focus and, in many cases, followers of Orthoprax Judaism are nonbelievers. Yet they are usually considered Orthodox Jews. Take the case of ”Misnagid”.

As currently defined, an Orthoprax Jew tends to follow Halacha, but may question the existence of God or whether the Torah was given to us at Sinai . And yet such people do exist. My first encounter with such an individual was when I initiated this blog. He called himself “Misnagid”. And he guarded his anonymity “religiously”.

That came as a shock to me at the time. I could not understand why anyone would bother keeping the Mitzvos if he didn’t believe in God. If I recall correctly, his answer was that he was raised as an Orthodox Jew, married Orthodox, and lived in an Orthodox environment. It would have radically changed his life to “come out of the closet” so to speak. So he plays along, going through the motions for appearances sake. This even includes sending his children to an Orthodox Jewish day school. Interestingly, he admitted that Shabbos still meant a lot to him… that this weekly day of rest was rejuvenating to his spirit – as it were.

…

Although not all Orthoprax Jews are atheists (some are just skeptics and simply doubt God’s existence – not going so far as to deny it) Misnagid is an atheist. How he became one is irrelevant to this post. The point is that he is one of many such people. They exist in all segments of Orthodoxy. I recall an interview in Mishpacha Magazine with a Charedi Posek who was one such individual! (Since his exposure he is no longer a Posek.)

Personally, I don’t care for the rituals of Judaism. Many of them are plain-and-simple silly. All of them are unnecessary to being a good human and irrelevant to my life. However, I do find this quite an interesting thing. I knew there were secular humanist Jews but they are the more progressive sect, often reform. I was unaware of the term “orthoprax” or “orthopraxy” before reading about this story.

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I assumed it as IBS because no one could give me answers. But I started realizing that the IBS diet was making things worse.

Since I have just about every symptom of Celiac, it made sense to try a gluten-free diet. The endoscopy could potentially may be an unnecessary procedure it this diet works. Plus, it’s expensive even with insurance. *grumble grumble*

So I went gluten free as a sample to see if I feel better. Eating out at restaurants can be tough but, overall, I started to feel much better. Like I’m young again! I’m only 31 but feeling terrible everyday– let’s just say I tend to live up to my “old lady” name.

Most days since I’ve been doing it, I feel a lot better but have had bad days. There is this thing call “cross contamination”. Some people think it sounds bogus but I can’t find any good scientific information on specifically cross contamination (not just Celiac in general). How serious is it? I assume it varies from person to person.

That could that explain a day or two being sick again in between feeling better. Or I could it be something else? Or more than one thing? I’ve been keeping a log but it’s still fuzzy. Since Celiac is an autoimmune disorder that does get worse over time, it may make sense that it seemed to be getting worse. Though, that’s just my overall sense, or “feeling”.

I’ve always had frequent brain fog. When the gluten has cleared my system, I suddenly can function properly. I also don’t need to take constant naps; I don’t get dizzy. It seems to be adding up. I still have some headaches but it’s only been a little over a week.

My real concern is about cross contamination. Some people say that a single particle of gluten has a visceral reaction on their bodies. I guess I can’t debate how someone feels but are there any good studies on this? I can’t seem to find a lot on this specific area. Everything I have found so far concerns the general topic of Celiac Disease, not distinctly cross contamination. If you don’t know of any studies, what are your thoughts as a scientifically-minded person?

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I did this artwork in October of 2009. It’s an artistic depiction of the big bang. There is nothing truly scientific here.

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I don’t know why I thought to put this up but there you go. It’s just some silliness I created many years ago.

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