Did you know that before ministry, I was an actress and singer? My major in college was Musical Theatre. I was the lead in a Broadway Tour, I sang backups for Perry Como on his Christmas tour (if you are too young to know him, Google him), and was the voice on several Disney kids’ books. I loved this work. Life was great!

Then I got saved.

I got a job at a local church and have served in ministry ever since then.

In 2005, I had signed up for grad school at Moody Bible, but my new boss at Harvest Bible Chapel in Chicagoland asked me to drop out and stay focused on the ministry I was doing locally.

So, in 2016, when I was a traveling missionary, I heard about an online Bible school and jumped at the opportunity. I wanted to honor God by learning more about Him and His Word so I could teach more accurately.

From 2016-2018, I attended Bible school with Welton Academy. In the fall of 2018, the leader, Jonathan Welton (JW), was exposed for sexual assault of his female staff, plus a lot of behavior that led to a clinical diagnosis of covert narcissism and sociopathy. The school closed, and my training lost all credibility. But that isn’t the terrible part of this story.

My Story:

One of my final assignments was to pray and ask God for a “prophetic word” about the movement at Welton Academy. I turned it in and didn’t receive any feedback. Find it on my blog here.

Months later, when it came time to be commissioned, I was denied. My mentor said, “JW made the decision.” I was disheartened because I had very few interactions with JW. I never received anything but positive feedback from my mentor and classmates. JW knew the weight of that decision, and it meant that, to the students, ministry leaders, pastors, etc., I wasn’t considered qualified. Any further ministry opportunities to speak or teach would have the undertone of “unapproved.” At first, I felt so much shame. Later, when talking to a classmate, I said, “I know who I am and who God says I am. JW’s opinion may carry weight in this community, but not in the Kingdom.”

I decided not to let it stop me from what God had called me to do. I didn’t need JW’s approval.

At graduation that year (I didn’t attend), I got a text from a friend who congratulated me on my commissioning. I was so confused. I called someone on staff, who said they (the staff) decided I deserved it and that everyone on staff knew God had gifted me in the prophetic and for the office of a prophet. She said that the word I gave months earlier was so accurate that JW was fuming mad and was punishing me. Out of all the students, mine was the only one that came with a warning and wasn’t positive. To JW, that was evidence that I was not called or prophetically gifted. She told me JW used my past to discredit me. He told people he didn’t like me and that they should avoid me, too. What’s interesting is that I felt it in my spirit and noticed a wall up with people I interacted with from the school. I thought I was being paranoid, but it turned out to be discernment. But the damage to my ministry was done. This is what slander does … it’s like a scent in the wind. You can’t take it back.

What he did was more than slander. It was psychological abuse of his staff and ultimately me. An abuser manipulates bystanders to believe a falsehood about someone else to create division by gaslighting them. And as someone who carries authority, if you choose to disagree, you too will be ostracized. Human nature tells our minds it’s not safe to be alone, so most people believe the authority that carries the key to the inner circle. These behaviors, interspersed with warmth and kindness, will desensitize victims and make abuse difficult to recognize. Upon some research, I learned it’s also known as emotional or mental abuse; it’s a pattern of behavior designed to cause psychological trauma, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder, by systematically diminishing another person’s self-worth and/or independence. 

I had to trust God to make it up to me somehow. There is no better place than to be in His hands when others are against you. I never wrote or spoke about this and moved on.

Side note: I walked away from prophetic ministry shortly after because I saw so much corruption in various ministries. I’m still sensitive to the Holy Spirit and hold back more than I share. God has given me other warning dreams and words over the years, and I realize that is very uncharacteristic of what is taught in the prophetic circles. I’m still cautiously working this out, and above all else, I want to share what strongly feels like the Lord.

“You have not taken care of the weak. You have not tended the sick or bound up the injured. You have not gone looking for those who have wandered away and are lost. Instead, you have ruled them with harshness and cruelty.” Ez 34:4

Restoration of JW:

In the months that followed, the board (including Danny Silk of Bethel Church in Redding) began “helping” JW. Long story short, the board found that JW was neither repentant nor willing to do as they asked. He’d be apologizing and taking responsibility through tears in an accountability meeting while at the same time threatening his victims in anonymous emails. He secretly held a men’s group at his church after being told not to do any ministry during this process.

Two PhD psychologists diagnosed JW with the worst case they’d ever seen of covert clinical narcissism, also known as vulnerable or quiet narcissism, which is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder characterized by hypersensitivity to criticism, passive-aggressive behavior, and a chronic sense of victimhood rather than overt grandiosity. While it shares core features with overt narcissism—such as a lack of empathy, a need for admiration, and an inflated sense of entitlement—covert narcissists mask these traits behind a facade of introversion, humility, or self-effacement. 

Danny Silk was one of the main leaders in this “restoration” and sent a letter to all of us in the school saying JW should never be in ministry again. I was encouraged to see a ministry finally “doing it right.”

“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” Eph 5:11

Danny Silk:

Less than a year later, Danny Silk included JW’s restoration story in his book “Unpunishable.” The victims were not consulted to confirm JW’s repentance, and JW did not apologize to the victims. The staff, accountability board, and victims were still in the thick of it. A covert clinical narcissist is not “healed” within that short timeframe. Most of us were shocked when we read the book, and many were angry. The way publishing goes … he had to have written it within months of sending us that letter and confirming JW was disqualified. But now, a few short months later, JW is released to resume ministry? The timing didn’t make sense.

Danny Silk’s book, Unpunishable, is harmful. Leaders have been taking his advice from false success stories and following ungodly practices for the restoration of predators. This is not what God’s Word says. I would like to see Danny Silk retract his endorsement of JW, remove it from the book, and publicly state that he aligns with the truth.

“As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him…” Titus 3:10

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Eph 5:3-6

Current Day:

To this day, JW’s never publicly stated specifically what he did to cause the school to shut down and lose his ministry. He has posted generic, minimizing, and misleading public statements and apologies that have further harmed the victims and proven to the board and other leaders that he is not healed. His apparently humble approach aligns with his pathology. But the public still didn’t know exactly what he did.

Until now.

This week, the Minor Prophets Podcast (and Ron Cantor) released an investigative report that exposes the truth. They interviewed many people who were on staff and some of the victims. This podcast is long and doesn’t include all of the victim statements or stories. Many still are not comfortable speaking publicly because of how bad their experience was. As it is, they had to cut about 7 hours of content to fit in this 6-hour video. That’s how much there is to this story. It also includes a current-day testimony that confirms JW has not repented. I recommend you listen to it, in chunks, if you need to.

I was honored to be part of this podcast and to share some of what I wrote to you here today regarding my prophetic word and experience with JW. I also listened to and coached some of the victims, so Minor Prophets invited my insight. As I mentioned earlier, the case was much more than physical abuse. There was mental, spiritual, and psychological abuse, too. I also offered a few insights as someone who is now an advocate for victims and a certified trauma-informed coach.

The reason for speaking up now, after all these years, is that JW is restoring himself to ministry without calling it ministry. He released a new book and is coaching men in marriage. He is releasing new videos and teaching. He is speaking at events. This is dangerous for the sheep who are unaware of his behavioral patterns, which began before he started his own school, when he was working for Randy Clark. Let that sink in … decades of abusing women. I’m not sharing anything JW hasn’t said himself. He’s admitted to thinking he had an affair when working for Clark, but later realized it was abuse because of the power dynamic. He wrote a book about his healing, started his own ministry with Welton Academy, and then abused women again.

You’ll learn in this video that two PhD Psychologists diagnosed him with Covert Clinical Narcissism and Sociopathy. In their words, the worst they’ve ever seen. Someone who is an abuser of women shouldn’t be restored to any role that involves working with people. Lay people are not the experts on this pathology and should not be deciding JW is fit for service again.

Now, as Christians, we believe in God’s power for healing and restoration. JW can be restored in the right relationship with God and his wife. However, we must be cautious about praising JW for what he defines as “healing.” It could actually delay his process of seeing the truth. My expert source says we must consider the clinical evidence and what the fruit of healing looks like. He would not be trying to gain access to people who feed his addiction or be in close proximity to people’s vulnerability. He is doing that. He would see that his past sexual assault disqualifies him from mentorship or ministry. He does not.

My post cannot cover what the video podcast does so well, so please watch it before you make a well-meaning decision based on JW’s touching and convincing words of apology that prick your heart to believe he is humble and has changed. His gifting makes it hard to discern, so I’m thankful for the laborious work of JonMark on Minor Prophets and others.

In Conclusion:

My hope is that the Minor Prophets podcast clarifies that JW should not return to any position of influence or leadership.

Those who have had him speak at their church or conference, or who have attended any of his own events, I am sending out a warning. You are being groomed, masterfully manipulated, and JW’s pathology suggests he will harm again.

If you are leaning toward “JW is forgiven and can be restored,” please watch the video. At least make a decision based on the witnesses, not on what I say. And not by what JW has said on social media. Understand the pathology so you are not manipulated.

I believe God is powerful and can heal, redeem, and restore all people, no matter what they’ve done. It just doesn’t look like being restored to a PLACE of influence. There are some crimes that have lasting consequences. Including never being able to hold that title, position, or be in that profession again. We cannot let the “world” respond to abuse better than the Church.

Be sure to subscribe to my Substack and email newsletter to be the first to hear new musings on how to heal from spiritual abuse and religious trauma… and to walk closely with God, who calls you His beloved.

More resources to heal from spiritual abuse here. 

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Episode Summary

Childhood experiences leave lasting imprints on our physical health. Jennie McLaurin, author of “Designed to Heal,” highlights how trauma can manifest in our bodies, affecting everything from heart health to longevity. The conversation delves into the science behind these connections, offering insights into how we can begin to heal. In a world where physical and emotional wounds often intertwine, understanding the healing process becomes crucial. In a recent episode of her podcast, Jill Monaco sat down with Jennie McLaurin to explore the profound connection between our bodies’ natural healing processes and spiritual growth. They explore the impact of childhood trauma on physical health, the importance of community in healing, and the role of gratitude and positivity in fostering resilience. Jennie shares insights from her book, “Designed to Heal,” and emphasizes the significance of embracing scars as symbols of healing and growth.

Jennie McLaurin is a pediatrician, writer, and public health expert with particular interests in culture, bioethics, and theology. She graduated from Salem College with a degree in chemistry and then received an MD from Wake Forest University, an MPH from UNC-Chapel Hill and an MA in theology and ethics from Regent College (Vancouver, BC). She has worked with marginalized and underserved communities in the US for over 30 years, caring for migrant, homeless, indigenous, and special needs populations. Nationally, she is a consultant for the federal Health Resources Services Administration and for the National Association of Community Health Centers. In these capacities, she has collaborated in programs to advance food security, reduce childhood obesity, improve immunization access, and reduce health disparities. As a federal consultant, she provides technical assistance and training to many of the nation’s 1,400 community health centers. Her work has taken her to all 50 states, several territories, and a number of countries.She also serves as a mentor and teacher of health professions students as well as graduate students, with past faculty appointments at medical schools and at Regent College, where she was Dean of Students and Associate Professor of Bioethics. Clinically, Jennie is currently the medical director at two sites, one serving at-risk adolescents and one providing multidisciplinary early intervention services to 0- to 3-year-olds with special needs.

What We Talk About In This Episode

• The body’s natural healing process mirrors spiritual growth.
• Childhood trauma can have lasting effects on physical health.
• Community plays a crucial role in the healing journey.
• Gratitude and positivity are powerful tools for resilience.
• Embracing scars can symbolize healing and growth.
• The book ‘Designed to Heal’ offers insights into healing.
• Healing is a spiral, not a linear process.
• Positivity can enhance brain function and resilience.
• Diverse communities contribute to effective healing.
• Spiritual and emotional healing are interconnected.

Resources From Today’s Podcast Episode

• Get a Freedom Coaching Session with Jill
• Jennie’s Website
• Purchase Jennie’s book, Designed to Heal, from Amazon.

Connect With Jill …

• Website | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter

Other Stuff To Check Out

• Grab Jill’s book Freedom Coach Model
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One last thing… Producing this show does take resources. If you would like to hear more conversations, please consider supporting this ministry program. Just click here to donate. All gifts are tax-deductible. Thanks so much!

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1. Listen to this podcast on my website. Click the play button at the beginning of this post.

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I hosted the Spiritual Abuse Summit and had the privilege of interviewing 15 experts on religious trauma. I also shared my story and what I’ve learned on the journey toward healing. Spiritual abuse is a topic that so often goes unspoken, and yet its impact runs deep. My heart in speaking at this summit was to shine a light on what many have experienced in silence—and to remind you that God’s desire is for you to live in freedom, not fear.

Here is a bit of what I talk about in my session. (For full video, scroll to the end of this post.)

What Spiritual Abuse Really Is

Spiritual abuse happens when religious influence is misused to control or cause harm by using scripture or a position to control, manipulate, or cause harm to someone.

 It doesn’t just wound the mind or emotions—it strikes at the very core of who we are, our meaning and purpose. This is why survivors often feel so isolated and misunderstood. Naming it for what it is can be the first step toward healing.

My Story

I shared parts of my own journey of being hurt within religious settings. For me, the healing process began when I found the courage to tell my story. Speaking it out loud was terrifying at first, but it opened the door for God to bring comfort, and for others to walk alongside me. Vulnerability can feel like weakness, but I’ve learned it’s actually the soil where strength grows.

Recognizing the Tactics

During my session, we talked about some of the common ways spiritual abuse shows up:

• Gaslighting – making you doubt your own reality or memories

• Grooming – gaining trust only to manipulate you later

• Spiritual bypassing – using scripture or religious language to dismiss pain rather than address it

• Fear – makes you feel that a terrible outcome will happen in the future if you do or say the truth

• Shame – saying you didn’t just do a bad thing, but you are a bad person

• Triggers – events that reactivate something traumatic from the past

• Narcissism – Dan Allender defines it as, “… exhibiting a sense of entitlement in their grandiosity, exploitation in their demands, and as lacking a capacity for empathy, leaving one feeling small, exhausted, powerless, and numb, all the while working hard to stay in good graces for fear of retribution or displacement”

When you understand these tactics and how spiritual abuse shows up, you can begin to untangle what happened and realize it wasn’t your fault, you aren’t crazy, and you have valid concerns.

The Path Toward Healing

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but there are steps you can take:

• Grieve honestly – allow yourself to lament what was lost and the pain you feel in the presence of God.

• Seek safe people – find those who can hold space for your story without judgment; most likely not connected to the abuser.

• Guard your heart – watch for bitterness or pride that can sneak in as self-protection or the temptation to think you are better than someone else.

• Embrace forgiveness – not to excuse the abuser, but to release your own heart from the grip of the past. Forgiveness is one of the hardest steps, but it’s also one of the most freeing.

The Impact of Trauma

One of the things I touched on was how trauma affects the brain and nervous system. When trauma goes unhealed, your body and mind can stay “stuck” in the past, reacting as if the pain is still happening. Understanding this can be so helpful—it shows us that what you feel isn’t weakness or failure, it’s your nervous system doing what it was designed to do. And it also means healing is possible.

Why Your Voice Matters

Silence only gives more power to the abuser. Speaking up—whether that’s telling your story to a trusted friend, reporting abuse, or sharing in safe spaces—breaks the cycle. Every time you use your voice, you help bring light into darkness and create a pathway for others to step into freedom, too.

I’ll be sharing the full video of my session below so you can watch the teaching in its entirety. My prayer is that it encourages you, helps you feel less alone, and reminds you that healing is possible.

If you’ve been affected by spiritual abuse, know this: your story matters, your healing matters, and you don’t have to walk this road by yourself.

If you have been hurt by a pastor, ministry, or spiritual leader and need help processing it, please feel free to reach out and connect. You can make an appointment for Freedom Coaching®. As a certified trauma-informed coach, specializing in spiritual abuse, I will help you process your pain, hear from the Lord, and find the steps you need to take to heal. BOOK HERE

Watch my session on YouTube:

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If this topic resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to join and get the replays of The Spiritual Abuse Summit (released in September 2025). It’s a space where survivors, advocates, and experts come together to share stories, resources, and encouragement for the healing journey. You can learn more and join us at www.spiritualabusesummit.com.

If this is something you are working through, get trauma-informed coaching with me. You can book a discovery call here.

Support Jill Monaco Ministries, a 501c3 organization, by donating today. Thank you for helping us continue this important work.

Read More:

• 25 Signs of Spiritual Abuse
• Detoxing From Harvest Bible Chapel
• Healing From Church Hurt
• I Was Abused By A Priest

Biblical rest can seem elusive but is necessary to understand in a world that applauds hustle.

One of my Freedom Coaching clients shared their story about how stuck they felt in life. Nothing was particularly wrong, and life was chugging along. But things were too calm, and they wondered when the next shoe was going to drop. When something did come up, they felt a lot more anxiety than was warranted by the situation. They had been a mature believer for a long time, and yet felt disconnected and struggled with things that they felt they shouldn’t be.

I can often sense what’s spiritually going on with someone fairly quickly during a call. I’ve seen patterns and have watched God set people free by understanding how their past has hard-wired their nervous system to avoid rest.

Events in childhood can have a traumatic impact on how we interact with the world around us as adults. We move on and say, “I’m okay.” In fact, the body keeps track of all the things you experience and puts the meaning of them into the subconscious. And when something similar arises, the warning center of the brain responds to help us avoid that painful thing again. Often, it’s not helpful because it’s not the same thing, and you aren’t a helpless child anymore.

This interrupts our peace and rest.

Seeking Shalom, Not Peace

Shalom, often translated as peace, encompasses far more—it’s about living in harmony with God’s intended design for us. It includes knowing how much we are loved and called to our purpose. When we experience shalom, we are experiencing the goodness of God, no matter the circumstances.

In the midst of our busy lives, the concept of rest often seems elusive. Yet, as believers, God calls us to a rest that goes beyond mere relaxation—it’s about entering into His peace and presence. That kind of shalom (rest, peace) is a gift from God and cannot be manufactured because you slept in or went on vacation. In fact, Hebrews 4:11 encourages us to “strive to enter that rest,” reminding us that true rest isn’t laziness but essential self-care that we must fight for.

Why Is Rest Disrupted?

The enemy knows that if he can keep us distracted, we will miss shalom. And if we are busy trying to achieve peace, then we are focused on what is happening around us, thinking that it will solve the issues within us.

He starts with something painful we went through—an event or season that shaped our belief system about who God is, what we can expect from caregivers, where we belong (or don’t), or what we need to do to stay safe. We form agreements with what the enemy whispers to us, and they form our deep-rooted beliefs. Mine was, my needs don’t matter. (I wrote about it in a blog post.)

How Does Unrest Impact Us?

When we are not at rest, peace, or shalom, we have an inner dialogue with fear, shame, and resentment because we can’t keep up with the demands we put on ourselves. We betray ourselves by not listening to how our bodies or minds ask for help. Being mad at ourselves manifests as trying harder but failing more, or ignoring the cry for help while crying more. It creates a disconnection with ourselves because we don’t feel safe in our own skin.

We also begin to not trust others. That disconnection makes us feel isolated and causes us to project that onto others, assuming they are the cause of our unrest.

Our nervous systems are just trying to keep us safe. And like the age that came into agreement with a belief, you respond like a hurt child instead of a wise, competent, and healed adult.

Acronym And Activation For Rest: R.E.S.T.

R – Reflect on God’s Goodness: Begin by reflecting on how God has shown His goodness in your life. Thank Him for the time you sensed His presence. This sets the foundation for shalom.

E – Explore the Root: Identify what happened in your life that may have caused your current unrest. For example, you can ask God to show you when you first came into agreement with ___ (hustle, shame, or busyness, etc).

S – Search for Lies: Uncover deep-rooted lies, inner vows, judgments, or beliefs that don’t align with God’s truth by asking God to show you these things. Repent and renounce those lies. 

T – Transform by Listening for God’s Response: Invite God to respond to your reflections and explorations. Let him reveal the truth to you and give you wisdom. Listen to His voice as He leads you towards true shalom by doing (or not doing) what he shows you.

Practical Tips for Entering Rest

1. Daily Quiet Time: Set aside intentional moments each day to spend in prayer and communion with God. (Use the R.E.S.T. Model)
2. Release Control: Surrender worries and anxieties to God through prayer and meditation on His Word. (Phil 4)
3. Seek Community: Surround yourself with supportive relationships that encourage spiritual growth and accountability.

Biblical Rest

My prayer for you is to find shalom rest for your soul.

When our rest has been interrupted for a prolonged period, we may need to grieve the losses. There has been a cost that you either chose to pay or have paid unintentionally. Maybe you need to be with God and have a good cry. Or you may need to spend time with a loved one and have fun. Both of those things regulate and reset your nervous system. When your body learns that you will no longer betray yourself, it can also bring healing on a spiritual level because you’re open to responding in a different way.

Finding Biblical rest is a journey of discovery—one that requires us to align our hearts with God’s peace and presence. As we reflect, explore, search, and transform, we open ourselves to the shalom that surpasses all understanding.

Let’s strive together to enter God’s rest, knowing that in Him, we find true peace and restoration.

I wasn’t okay.  A friend said, “I think you’re in burnout.”

I had always been an overcomer. I pushed through a heavy ministry workload and was applauded for my resilience. I forgave the worst offenses and carried on with a smile. I waited patiently and expected God’s redemption when I was wronged. I didn’t have the funds to hire an expert, so I learned it.

And I betrayed myself.

When we push down, ignore, or don’t take time to process our emotions, our nervous systems let us know. (Process = name it, feel it, talk about it, etc.) It will show up in your life as high inflammation on your bloodwork, high cortisol (the stress hormone), mental health issues, and weight gain.

When we do too much, we become our own god and stop trusting in God our Father. This refusal to rest or create a life with a healthy pace of activity is ignoring the way God created us. This will show up like endless scrolling for hits of dopamine, not taking time to have fun, and isolating yourself from others.

That is just the tip of the iceberg.

While studying trauma over the last decade, I’ve learned about the intersection of faith and brain science. I even had a brain scan by Dr. Amen. I wanted to know what decades of living in fight or flight did to my brain. I discovered that some of what was going on wasn’t a lack of faith, spiritual maturity, or discipline but physical changes to the brain that limited my ability to heal at the emotional and physical level.

The long-term effects of ongoing stress can literally change your brain (sources at the end of blog)

Prefrontal Cortex – Prolonged exposure to stress can lead to reductions in the volume of grey matter in areas responsible for self-control. This can impact decision-making, your mood, and your response to stress. You can’t think through what to say or how to say it. You can’t problem-solve or think through steps to complete things.

Hippocampus – Chronic stress can shrink the hippocampus which is responsible for learning and memory. You can’t learn new concepts or retain new information. 

Amygdala – Your flight or flight center is damaged by ongoing stress that increases the size of the amygdala, which is involved in processing emotions, making the brain more sensitive to stress. That means you are overwhelmed, and even the smallest thing feels like a huge deal. 

Why burnout happens

Like a slow fade, we make choices that seem okay at first. But combine them all together over a long period of time without relief, and you don’t feel the pain until it’s at a critical stage.

Lies You Believe – Somewhere in your past, you believed that you had to do certain things to be accepted, loved, valued, or seen. You started to listen to those voices and believed the lies they told you. They may sound like, “If I just finish this project with excellence, I can get that promotion.” “I’m not good enough, so this is the best I can get.” (Ephesians 6:11-12).

Destructive Emotions – Painful emotions can be hard to process, so we’d rather not deal with them. Or you may not have a safe place to process them. When they aren’t expressed in a healthy way, they can eat you up inside. This can be a pattern you’ve done your whole life because of how your family of origin processed emotions. Maybe on one extreme, it was lashing out, or on the other, the silent treatment. Both can damage your spirit and soul, make you live in stress, and damage your brain.

False Identity – When you mix the lies you believe and destructive emotions, they become like super glue and stick together to support each other. The result is a belief system that is rooted in a false identity instead of your identity in Christ. You create inner vows (“I will always” or “I will never”) or judgments against yourself, God, or others. You always act from what you believe so this leads to behaviors you don’t want to have.

God can heal you from burnout

The good news is that God made the brain’s neuroplasticity to change and rewire the connections, which allows the brain to heal itself. Like any habit, it takes time and applying the right modality to heal it. The combination of meditating on the Word of God, prayer, and making lifestyle changes can significantly impact your quality of life.

It requires you to rest and make space to be with the Lord. He wants you to think like Him, have tools to manage your emotions, and agree with who He says you are in Christ Jesus. This does require us to trust in God more than our own efforts, skill, talent, or determination. 

It can be scary to do this … you could fail in a way that has consequences. But consider this. You may have made success (in your career, finances, relationships) an idol. Worse than failure is disconnection from God.

Don’t wait until you are so burned out that you don’t have another option than to rest. 

God tells us how to do it in His word:

 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

“… to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph 4:22-24

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Col 3:2

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Phil 4:8

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Is 26:3

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. “Joshua 1:8

I just gave you a lot to think about. And if this felt overwhelming, then you may be headed toward burnout.  If you automatically think of all the reasons why you can’t rest – then you are almost at the critical stage.

Please don’t wait any longer. It’s time for you to heal from burnout and enter the rest of God. 

I have clients who come to me to help them process their thoughts, emotions, and beliefs so they can get back into God’s rest. I’d love to explore how I can help you, too. You can book a time with me on my calendar. 

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Brain Science Sources:

• https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2016/07/14/stress-literally-shrinks-your-brain-7-ways-to-reverse-the-damage/
• https://www.tuw.edu/health/how-stress-affects-the-brain/
• https://www.nuvancehealth.org/health-tips-and-news/the-effect-of-stress-on-the-brain-and-ways-to-manage-it
• https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/protect-your-brain-from-stress

How to Forgive When It Hurts

I was getting a massage and face down on the table when the therapist said, “Whatever this is, you need to let it go.” I knew immediately what she meant. But how would I stop holding on to the hurt I felt by such a betrayal?

I loved him, and he said he loved me. He was a pastor. How could he be dating someone else behind my back? How could he be making future plans with me and a few days later change his Facebook status to “in a relationship,” and it’s not with me!?

I just wanted to know why.

God spoke to my spirit, “Jill, forgiveness is not needing to know why.”

I think God was trying to tell me that I wasn’t going to understand. And having more information wasn’t going to change what he did or heal my heart. It was between me and the Lord now.

So, at that moment, as tears flowed from my eyes straight to the floor of that soothing spa atmosphere, I forgave that man. I had to forgive him for what he did, how it made me feel, and the consequences I was left to deal with because of his actions.

But the last step God asked of me was really challenging. I had to bless him. I must have prayed that well because he married that lady and had six kids.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know some of the people I’ve had to forgive, and that is a core teaching of the ministry. It’s because I know the POWER of forgiveness. (I’m still learning.)

God wants to bless us with the experience of HIS LOVE.

We enter into the power of forgiveness and what Jesus did on the cross when we lean into Him when we have been hurt, betrayed, cheated, ridiculed, slandered, or wronged in some way.

Jesus understands and forgives us for doing those things to Him, too. What love is this that He would give us what we don’t deserve? A love so great that it wipes away our sin and makes us a new creation? Our past can’t accuse us because He loves us. Our struggles can’t discredit us because He loves us. Our future is secure because He loves us.

A pastor reached out to me and asked if he could use my teaching on forgiveness for his message. He shared how powerful it was for him to pray the prayer I wrote. I was so touched by his humility when I heard his sermon, which included his testimony of how long it took him to work through forgiving his abuser. You can find his entire message on YouTube.

My pain and opportunities for forgiveness have not been wasted. None of our trials are left at the altar without God saying, “That is a sweet-smelling sacrifice; thank you for coming to me.” We can truly be transformed when we forgive. And it will impact way more people than you realize.

“… bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Col 3:13

Prayer:

God, today I choose to forgive ____ for ____. Because when they did that, it made me feel _____. I release and submit all my feelings to You. I forgive them for the consequences I still have in my life because of their actions. I release them from all my expectations, and because of what Jesus did on the cross, I declare they owe me nothing. I ask that you show them mercy and bless them with _____. (Tip: Bless them in the opposite way they hurt you … if they stole money, pray they are blessed with abundance.) In Jesus’ name, amen.

This post was originally a devotional sent exclusively to my email list.  (If you want to receive future devotionals, please join my email list.) 

The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song, I give thanks to him.” Psalm 28:7

I love the sentiment of the celebration of Thanksgiving in the United States. Even if you don’t live here, it reminds us ALL to be grateful for how God has blessed our lives.

I want to address those of you who are going through a difficult time and find it challenging to express joy and thankfulness. I get you.

I’m working diligently to be grateful every day. It’s a choice I’m making, and there is Scripture to back that up. :)

If I were to focus on what has been hard, I’d have a list of things to distract me from praising God and finding joy.

I won’t give you a platitude about what to do when you don’t have joy in your heart. But I’ll share what I did instead of ruminating on “hard” things:

• God, thank you for inviting me into a deeper level of trust and relationship with you. We’ve always had enough, and You never leave me or forsake me.
• God, thank you for removing people from my life who were toxic and couldn’t go with me into the next season.
• God, thank you for showing me my value and worth so that I am confident in my ability to have hard conversations and set firm boundaries.

Our ability to have a grateful heart depends on what we believe about God and the power He gives us through the gift of being thankful.

Let me say that another way …

What you BELIEVE about God will impact your belief that giving thanks is a powerful gift given to us that the world does not have.

Psalm 103:2-5 reminds us of the good things God has already done.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

It says that we should not forget His benefits… we should remember! Think about the things He’s already done for you because He will do it again.

• He will forgive …
• He will heal …
• He will redeem …
• He will crown us with love and compassion …
• He will satisfy …

We have the benefits of being a child of the Most High God. We must not lose hope. God is still very involved in seeing us grow in character and being refined into His image. He is good and works all the things in your life together for good. What you believe about God will show up in your life.

If you find yourself stuck in a mindset of not being able to give thanks for your circumstances, give thanks to God, for He is good. (Psalm 106:1)

Prayer:

God, I’m having a hard time being thankful in my circumstances. You know how I’m struggling, and I am tempted to believe you have forgotten about me. I ask that you silence the enemy, the liar, and keep him far from me. I break every agreement I made with him in my mind or words about my circumstances. I ask that you forgive me for entertaining the worst-case scenarios. Thank you for your forgiveness and grace over my life.

I choose today to remember your benefits … the things you provide to me because I’m loved by You. I choose to remember that you have forgiven me and will continue to do so. Thank you. I choose to remember that you have healed me and will continue to heal me in body, soul, and spirit. Thank you. I choose to remember that you have redeemed me. Thank you. I choose to remember you put upon my head and mind Your love and compassion. Thank you. I choose to remember You will always satisfy my every need. Thank you.

I give you thanks today for you are good. Your mercies are new every morning. You are generous to me. You hold every tear of mine in a bottle. You see me, you understand me, and you are always happy to be with me.

I love you, God, and I praise your holy name.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

I was on a podcast recently, and they asked me how I healed from Church hurt. I replied, “I was also healed from church hurt by the body of Christ.”

In other abusive situations like domestic abuse, people can’t stay, expect to change someone, and hope to find healing in that place. That isn’t safe. And like the Church hurt, I didn’t get healed by the same people in the same circumstance. I was healed by the love of Christ displayed by the body of Christ in other communities.

Church Hurt

I’ve written extensively about the Signs of Spiritual Abuse and Healing From Church Hurt. If you resonate with this content, I want to discuss why we should still love and be a part of the Church. I want the focus of all my content to be healing and finding freedom in Christ. I’ve learned we can’t do that apart from His body (believe me, I tried.)  

If you don’t know my story, here are the unfortunate highlights. I was abused by a Catholic priest as a child. After I got saved in my 30s, I was on the staff of a church, and the Sr. Pastor invited me into an affair (I said no and reported it to the elders). While on the staff of a mega-church, I experienced manipulation, control, and inappropriate physical touch. 

So I get it. 

And I didn’t give up. I made my best friends in the local Church. I saw the power of community. There was no place I’d rather be. Which is why I’m passionate about sharing these painful stories too...So you know you are not alone and help you heal. Plus, there are wonderful pastors, Churches, and communities who will not do these things. 

I feel like the ugly side of Church has gotten a lot of attention the last few years. I’ve contributed to it. I’m not apologizing for it. I know my heart has been to warn people of wolves and to help people heal. I’ve received so many messages saying it has done just that. Praise the Lord! 

Consider this: What if we are to address our concerns about what we see and experience as an expression of love to the Church? That is my heart. I don’t think exposure, for exposure’s sake, is the heart of God. 

We are to love one another so well that we don’t let anyone fall to the enemy’s schemes. We see the gold in them and the calling on their lives. I remember crying out to God for the leaders who were hurting me to repent, not for my sake, but for their sake. So they wouldn’t be disqualified but rather restored for God’s glory. 

Long story short, after trying a few churches, I realized I had C-PTSD (Church PTSD, not Complex PTSD). At first, I would feel like a bundle of nerves entering the building. I liked the fact that no one knew me and I could fly under the radar. I think that had a place for a season and God used it to minister to me. Eventually, as I walked through this season with trusted friends, I found it to be a place of refreshing once again and I look forward to seeing familiar faces and having conversations about how wonderful Jesus is. I want that for you, too.

Being a leader in a ministry, I probably had an easier time staying connected to the community than most. I am a part of two different masterminds with leaders (pastors, missionaries, ministry leaders, etc.) worldwide. Between them, we meet three times a month for accountability, encouragement, and prayer. I had to choose to be vulnerable and share where I was struggling to trust leaders again. 

It also meant:

• Trusting people who held the same title or role. 
• Taking a chance of being perceived as not healthy enough to serve as a leader because of my struggles, pain, or questions.
• Believing the process was good and God would make gold from my experience. 
• Resolving that I would stay connected because it was worth it.
• Remembering I still had things to offer the Church. 
• Allowing myself to be accountable and open to new perspectives. 
• Observing myself and letting God reveal where more work needed to be done. And then do that work, whether spiritual, emotional, or mental.

It meant not giving up on the CHURCH that Jesus loves.

My Encouragement to You

I recognize that for many people, their whole spiritual community is connected to the Church. So, choosing to move away can be heartbreaking and life-changing. I’ve heard some terrible experiences, and I can see why some people don’t want anything to do with “organized religion.” If that is you, I’m so sorry. I’m sad they hurt you and for all the continued pain you have endured. You are seen by a loving God who will not waste anything you’ve gone through. 

You may be in one of these two camps:

1) While you’re going through your healing process, it doesn’t help to hear that God will use this to give you wisdom and help others. Right now you are in pain and want that Christian community but may be afraid of engaging again. It’s hard to reconcile, “I want to go back but I’m afraid” and  “I don’t want to go back but I miss ____ (worship, small group, friends, etc.)” I hope it helps to know there are people in the Church who are trustworthy and will love you in the midst of your pain. Find those who you can stay connected to — even if just two people. They are the key to your healing. I promise you it’s worth the risk. 

2) For some of you, you’ve stepped away from community and feel like it’s okay. I’d like to suggest you ask God if there is anything He has for you that you can’t access outside of the body of Christ. He may have blessings for you that you are missing by remaining numb and disconnected. He will show you. Maybe community isn’t a building for now but staying connected in other ways. I have several friends who have found home churches to be a safe haven for them.

So why do I still love the “Church?” Because Jesus does. If I want to carry His heart I need to let Him heal mine so I can receive His. 

I’ve experienced healing in my heart because of those faithful saints who far outnumber the wolves in sheep clothing. They remind me that Jesus’ plan for us is good and we need each other. I’ve seen the body rally around someone who needed care during a health crisis or someone who needed help with finances. I’ve also seen the little things like a random text  saying God put you on my heart and I wanted to tell you I love you. I think the body of Christ loves so well.

One day, you’ll find yourself looking at the pain in the rearview mirror. The only thing you see is a beautiful road filled with others like you who are seeking the heart of Jesus.