Two minutes after I took this picture, the doctor came in to see us. He spent a minute talking to Middle, who was texting. Very gently he stole her phone right out of her fingers and set the phone aside, telling her she was going to be disconnected for five minutes. “Can you handle that?” he asked.

“Of course,” Middle said, all 16 year old sullen bravado.

He smiled knowingly and went about checking her health. Three minutes later, she was wriggling and squirming, feet kicking, all restless energy.

“How are you doing?” he asked her, clearly amused. “Sweating? Having the shakes?”

“No,” she said.

I laughed. So did the doc. She was in complete technology withdrawal.

“You know,” the doctor said to her. “When I was growing up, I only had access to a phone when I was inside standing right next to it. And I could only check in with the world via the newspaper that was delivered in the morning, or by the six o’clock news.”

Middle nodded, unimpressed.

“No answering machine, no cable TV,” he said.

More silence from Middle.

“No microwave,” the doctor said.

Middle roused at this. “How did you cook your popcorn?”

Dear Blog Readers,

As a cat, Mondays are my favorite day of the week. My human, Jill, changes my kitty litter on Mondays. Last week when she forgot, I did my business right outside the kitty box to make sure she knew she’d been a bad girl. I doubt that she’ll forget again any time soon.

Monday is trash day. This means that at some point, the stupid dog will get out and roll in the trash. I especially like when Ashes gets yelled at. I’m pretty sure dogs have no brains.

I have to go now, I have a lot planned for today. There’s my mid morning nap, then my late morning nap, then my early afternoon nap and my pre dinner nap. At some point during that time, I have to stop and stare at the spider near the wood stack because this gives my human her exercise when she jumps up and screams. My human needs her exercise.

Yep. Mondays are good days. Enjoy yours.

Sadie The Cat

8:00 a.m.
I’m back. Spider is gone. Not good news. Where did it go? Is it planning its attack? Can’t possibly work while under siege. Go for hike.

10:02 a.m.
Once again on couch with laptop. I spy spider on far wall above the wood stack by the wood stove. I write with one eye on the spider.

11:00 a.m.
I wake up the lazy ass cat and try to get her to stalk and kill spider. She insists the chore is beneath her.

12:00 p.m.
Lunch. Dessert. Come back to couch. Spider is on the move, and so am I. I run screaming from the room.

1:00 p.m.
Alpha Man shows up for spider extraction. Spider can’t be found. Bastard. Alpha Man leaves.

1:03 p.m.
Spider is back. Alpha Man refuses to answer his phone.

1:05 p.m.
Cookies do not help.

2:00 p.m.
Back to typing on couch while watching spider make himself at home on wood pile. I’m pretty sure he’s flipping me off.

2:30 p.m.
Youngest comes home. Refuses to kill spider. Damn tree hugger.

3:00 p.m.
Cat is suddenly interested in spider. She drops it to floor and then loses interest. Walks away. Spider comes toward me.

4:00 p.m.
Still sitting outside, where I am now locked out. Note to self: next time you go screaming out the front door, make sure it’s unlocked first.

5:00 p.m.
Look in window and see Ashes eating spider. Good girl. Can you let mommy in please?

5:30 p.m.
Alpha Man comes home with Taco Bell. I decide to forgive him.

From last summer:
Mountain Barbie has proven herself aptly named. This week alone, she took out the screen on the sliding door because . . . well, I have no idea. I guess she was in a hurry. She stepped on the cat, by accident. She stuck her big fat head into my chip drawer and ate an entire bag of bbq chips including the bag — my emergency stash! And then she came running inside with muddy feet, not stopping until she’d ran a joyous loop away from me through the entire house.

I might kill her.

But here’s the thing. She’s so damn pretty.

Her latest trick? Trampoline jumping. Middle was out there having some fun . . .

And along comes . . .

Mountain Barbie caught on quick.

If only she could catch onto others things as quick. Like rules. And oh, I don’t know, LISTENING. Coming when I call her, now that would be FANTASTIC.

She literally chased me all the way back to my car. And yes, I was screaming, if you must know. I am quite positive I broke the world record for the two hundred dash …

Maybe.

Huh. Well, I broke something anyway, just not sure what. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled programming– But before you do, tell us what you’re reading. I need a new book to read, something good.

I tried to get Ashes to jump into the water. Mountain Barbie would have. But Ashes is more sedate and lady-like, and she didn’t want to get her hair wet.

Goodness, I miss Mountain Barbie. Still.

Ashes tries to be brave. Just yesterday she took Sadie The Cat’s entire head in her mouth and gently gnawed, the way Mountain Barbie used to do.

Sadie The Cat (aka Bee-yotch) wasn’t amused.

And let me just transition here and say that I took all these pictures on the same day — yesterday.

And also, randomly … the time change isn’t agreeing with me.

I feel jet-lagged … and I need a nap.

Any day now winter is going to show up, and I’ll pull out my skis, wax them with my iron, and be happy. But in spite of the fact that it gets dark way too damn early, and that I accidentally ate dinner at 4 o’clock because I forgot to change the kitchen clock, I’m good with just enjoying all the colors.

As a result, I hardly ever get caught on the trail singing and nearly getting run over by Luke Wilson anymore …

Okay, I still do that. But we’re discussing lyrics. And the story in them. One of my favorite bands for this is Lifehouse. Their songs always tell a story. But this weekend I listened to Vertical Horizon’s FOREVER.

“Forever”
Take these roses off of me
Let me live, let me be
For a little while
Let my eyes,
See everything and nothing in their time
I do not mind

Who’ve guess I’d learn
To let the walls around me burn
Light up the hillside
My words, I ate them for so long and nothing changed
It was just the same

And I don’t know if you see me here
But I can tell you your face is clear
I will see you…

Forever
Forever
I will see you
Forever
Forever

Call me close once again
Call me teacher, call me friend
Just like the first time
Call my name, it echoes in the walls around this room
Its all you

I don’t know if you hear me there
When it’s darkest and no one cares
I will hear you…

Forever
Forever
I will hear you
Forever
Forever

I wanted you to be everything to me
Now I’ve got to learn to carry on
I know I cannot hide this emptiness inside
But nothing is the same since you’ve gone

Send me letters from above
Send me strength, send me love
Such sweet love
Sing me songs that echo in my head and in my heart
That’s where you are

And I don’t know if you feel me here
I can tell you one thing that’s clear
I will feel you…

Forever
Forever
I will feel you
Forever
Forever
I will hear you
Forever
Forever
I will see you
Forever
Forever

Take these roses off of me
Let me live, let me be

The song is sad enough to make me need cookies, but sometimes sad is good. Do you have a favorite song right now, or lyrics that are making you laugh, smile, cry, think? Share.

Oh and who has tried the new double stuffed Golden Oreos? Oh. My. God. A little bite of heaven right there, let me tell you … (Oh and I don’t recomend eating — or in my case, inhaling — a whole rack by yourself and then going for a hike straight up the mountain, just FYI) Which reminds me, I’d also like to know your favorite cookie. Thank you for sharing.

Excerpt:

She opened the door. “Go away.”

He shook his head. “No can do,” he said and gently nudged her aside so he could step in.

She slapped slap a hand to his chest, giving him a shove back.

His lips curved as he allowed her to roughhouse him, when they both knew if he used his strength and dug in his heels, she couldn’t have budged him a single inch.

“I’d really like to come in,” he said.

“If you do, I have questions.”

“What a surprise.” Making the decision for her, he kicked the door closed behind him and reached for her hand. He was in jeans and battered Addidas, his shirt stretching taut across those yum shoulders, and suddenly all she wanted to do was hold onto him, and maybe kiss him, and maybe also get his clothes off.

“Psst!” my camera said. “Forgetaboutwork … I’m more fun.”

And damn if my camera wasn’t right. It was WAAAAAY more fun to walk along the Truckee River than work. And I only had to climb two fences and pass a DO NOT TRESPASS sign …

I cut my calf. Never let it be said that I don’t suffer for my art. At the time though, mostly I was worried about the scent of my blood drawing bears and coyotes oh my.

Probably I should have been more worried about where I parked, since I got a ticket.

If Alpha Man is reading this, I’m just kiddin’. Of course I wasn’t stupid enough to park in the same place I parked last time. And I most definitely wasn’t stupid enough to get yet another ticket. Probably.

And if my editor is reading this, this whole blog is a figment of your imagination because I am writing. Writing like a dog. I swear it.

On the two tickets I didn’t get …