Recently I had seen mention of the book “The Long Run” by Martin Dugard floating around. I’m a running nerd, so I checked it out from the library. The subtext on the title is:

Steve Prefontaine, Frank Shorter, Joan Benoit, Grete Waitz
and the Decade That Made the Marathon Cool

The book is about a lot more than those 4 people mentioned. A LOT more. It’s almost a disservice to the countless others mentioned throughout the book that we narrow the cover down to just 4 people. And while I have obsessively absorbed a lot of information about these people over the years, there were some things that I didn’t know prior to this read.

Like JFK’s influence on the running boom…

Back in the 60’s, President John F. Kennedy wanted the US to be fitter, so we could be ready to fight for our country. (Weird how this priority passes between parties over history, and every time one side is advocating for health the opposite is against it, because our two-parties are FUBAR. But I digress…)

Anyway, JFK thought everyone was getting soft and fat. He commissioned this amazing song and had it sent to all the schools to encourage them to get rid of their “chicken fat”.

The world was so much more blunt back in the day…

I guess the song inspired or annoyed a bunch of Boomer kids into more exercise, then hopefully they carried the message home to mom and dad…

Then a mandate from Teddy Roosevelt about being able to cover 50 miles in 20 hours re-surfaced to JFK’s desk and that was turned into a formal test of vigor. JFK was big on “vigor”, giving a speech where he mentioned the word multiple times. The first 50 miler was held in the spring of 1963. JFK was assassinated later that year, but the race continues on as the oldest continuously held ultramarathon in the US.

The portions of the book covering Steve Prefontaine (Pre) and Frank Shorter, also get into legends like Bill Rodgers, Bill Bowerman, and Jeff Galloway. Because that 1970’s era of running was so intertwined. This is where I felt like it was so glossed over, but if we went too in-depth the book would never finish. But it really does introduce far more of the running history cast than just the two mentioned on the cover.

And we also have mentions of Bobbi Gibb and Kathrine Switzer in the Boston Marathon stories, before we get into Grete Waitz and Joan Benoit Samuelson really taking on the marathon stage. There is even an honorable mention chapter for Des Linden, who is probably the GOAT for American female marathoners in recent times, but there are so many good stories in female marathoning that the subject is hardly scratched in this book. A lot of them have their own books, so I get that this isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list.

Before any of these topics are covered, the book covers early marathoning and the lore surrounding the distance. From Ancient Greece and Pheidippides, to how the Queen of England was responsible for the ultimate distance. Or not responsible for the distance. So many stories over the years and as any good legend or tall tale, details change throughout time and with the storytellers.

This book is great for a running nerd, even if you know the stories. Or if you are new to the sport and want to learn some of the history. But don’t let this be your sole source for the history. There is so much more.

The writing style is kind of odd and feels very much like the personable nature one might use… on a blog? But a blog over the course of an entire book. Sometimes it’s a little weird, but mostly it works because the author is a running nerd too and you can feel it. But if you aren’t one, you’ll probably not feel the undercurrent of jittery excitement and love of the sport. (Kind of how I don’t feel that enthusiasm when people talk to me about football. I want to tune out.)

Oh, and in case you were wondering… Joan Benoit’s win in the 1984 Olympic marathon did not start the boom for women in running. Yes, her win was inspirational and did get some people going. But a decade later a little unknown named Oprah Winfrey ran the Marine Corps Marathon and BOOM… bigger spike in female participation. So… Oprah is responsible for the women’s running boom more than Olympians.

The more you know…

Hey, I’m 47! I think… I forget sometimes.

As I was being detoured by Google Maps to avoid a giant crash and navigating traffic backups, while listening to my phone buzz in the cupholder with incessant work requests, and generally feeling down about life because that is my general state of being at the moment… some person on the radio has the audacity to tell me this is the happiest I will ever be?

So far, age 47 has been one of the shittiest ages.

I don’t know that it’s exactly because the needle has moved into the position of 47 that causes this. And I don’t see it improving any as I hit 48 later this year. It’s definitely a multi-factorial equation with all of the variables combining to make this very complex.

(My daughter has been doing algebra this year, so I’ve been relearning algebra to help with homework. Not happiness.)

Factors not contributing to happiness:

• My daughter turned 13 shortly after I turned 47, and some days it feels like she could send me off to the incinerator with just a stray glance. It’s upsetting! She wants more independence, but doesn’t want it in the ways I’d like her to take it on. Like cleaning or preparing meals. And it makes me sad and lonely.
• My husband is on a countdown to losing his job. It’s a very volatile and unpredictable countdown. But his company is trying to sell everything off and probably maybe definitely sometime this year I will have to be the sole income for our family. Yet again… if I wasn’t carrying so much of all the other mental load it wouldn’t be as frustrating.
• Parenting is brutal. I don’t think I’m cut out for this gig. How can you have someone you love so much and worry that you’re ruining things for them every single day? And how are you supposed to give up your life for this human in their early years, when the endgame is to send them off to be independent and then you no longer have any sense of self when that time comes? This is a cruel system.
• I must be perimenopausal… because despite getting my thyroid meds feeling like they’re more dialed in now, I feel like a walking disaster. I forget common words that I have known since I was a toddler. I mix up words in meetings and sound like a dumbass. My anxiety is sky-high, off-the-charts. I feel like I want to die every single month and that has become the indicator that my period is about to start. When you start to contemplate disappearing from the earth and that is the clue that your body is going to start bleeding diabolically, it’s kind of bleak. I think this phase is probably making those previous bulletpoints feel harder.

I have an appointment to discuss possible hormone treatment. I don’t know what that will entail. Part of me questions if that is actually the answer. I very much feel like a commodity in this whole “perimenopausal woman market” and I don’t want to feel like I got suckered into buying the Kool-Aid. But I also cannot continue on in this same way for much longer. Being on the verge of tears or a mental breakdown and trying to not “crash out” 99% of the time is hard.

The other 1% of time I am asleep.

Oh yeah… sleep is crap these days too. I can’t stay asleep and usually start to see every passing 10 minutes from 3 am until I finally just get up somewhere in the 5:00 hour.

But right now, I feel like I would love to just relive the years of 2015-2019 on repeat. My child was old enough to not need diapers, but she was full of joy and exuberance and innocence. I was running endurance events fairly often still. And work hadn’t become an untenable amount of demands or legislation and I received recognition for what I did. Life was hard, but it didn’t feel pointless or impossible. Maybe that was peak happiness. Ages 37-41 was the peak.

I did try to look up information on that 47 is peak happiness nonsense. I found a few articles posted in the past few days that seem to reference this idea. But nothing felt super trustworthy or groundbreaking. Or definitive as the final source.

Ironically, I also found articles from a couple years to several years back that say 47 is peak misery.

It’s kind of like fashion, it’s one thing and then it’s the other… but it will change and you can’t plan on any one way to be the way you expect.

It’s exhausting, but it’s supposed to be uphill from somewhere around now… but then, I live in our current world. So maybe not.

I was sent a copy of the book The Last of the Giants, a graphic novel by William Windrestin and Doug Mayer. The book intrigued me because it’s a fictional account of what many real ultrarunners go through in long distance endurance events. It also covers an event that I hadn’t heard about, the Tor des Géants in the Aosta Valley of Italy.

This race is about 205 miles and runners have 150 hours to complete it. It also has a high dropout rate, only about 60% of participants finish. There are 43 refreshment stops and 7 larger “life bases” about every 31 miles across the course, so participants can refresh supplies, get help, check-in, etc.

The illustrations throughout are not highly refined, yet you get a sense of character for each person in the story.

The main story follows a runner, Sam, in his journey throughout the race. We get to experience his highs and lows, his doubts and triumphs. It makes it very clear at the start this is fictional and resemblance to anyone real is coincidence. But I also think a resemblance is circumstance, having volunteered and paced at ultrarunning events the through line in this story is kind of universal when it comes to endurance.

Sam has his struggles with physical pains and mental battles. He has opportunity to help others on the course. He has to battle through the course on his own at times, and in other moments he finds strength in partnering with other people running to cover the miles. I liked the moment where it talked about night running and seeing all of the other runners headlamps. It was likened to fireflies in the darkness that helped runners remember they weren’t out there alone.

I’m not a huge graphic novel reader, but I thought this was an innovative way to tell a story of an ultra endurance event. I’ve read a lot of traditional books about running and this was a new take for me.

One interesting choice was about 75% of the way through the book, the character was wrestling with the proverbial dragons of the mind, which causes the entire book to flip upside down and then the reading pattern switches from left to right to right to life. It’s a clever mechanism in the print version, but I imagine it’s a nightmare on digital formats.

Overall, it was a fun and easy-to-read book. The choice to make it into a graphic novel was refreshing and made this something new to break up the monotony of traditional reading. (That sounds terrible, I love reading and don’t usually find it monotonous. But I am super burnt out on perimenopause books, so maybe it was a fun break to that streak I’ve been on of late.)

Get a copy from Amazon!

Or check it out at your local library. (Put in a request if they don’t have it. You might help introduce it to new readers.)

Last year I was going to enter the traditional New Years Eve/New Years Day races here in Las Vegas, but something kept nagging at the back of my brain to not register. I won’t get into the details here, but on New Years Eve last year we were suddenly on the road for family things. I’m glad I wasn’t on a race course when that started to unfold.

In August of this year I started taking MORE thyroid meds, I’m now on 3 pills taken at 2 times a day to manage this. But I actually was starting to feel a little more normal with this change. I don’t know that I will ever go back to how I felt pre-removal. But I could actually run fairly regularly the past few months, even if it was only on the treadmill because I’m still nervous about getting dizzy while a distance away from home. Especially since I usually try to shove a workout in place of my lunch hour so that I’m never taking time away from my family. Mostly my kid, she needs me. My husband probably doesn’t, except he might wonder why he has no clean clothes and why the kid was still at school if I were to disappear.

So about 11 days before the races, I bit the bullet and registered. And WTAF, why are races so expensive? I had to pay $120 for the two 5Ks, and it wasn’t even a guarantee that I would get a t-shirt. I know there are fees for permits and such, but DAMN… that’s kind of outrageous. That was with a discount for doing both races.

As the day got closer, I started to feel guilty. The New Years Eve race was set to take place at 4pm. Well, the 5K actually didn’t start until 4:15pm, we had to wait for the 10K runners to head out first. So I knew that if I ran in roughly the 30 minute range, then listened for awards and such, I’d be home a little after 5pm. But as it turned out, the finale for Stranger Things was supposed to release at 5pm that day and my kid was very much looking forward to watching it.

She told me it would be fine, we could watch it a little later. Just not too late, she had to text friends about it after watching!

Still, all day I felt like a jerk. Why was I leaving to do this thing all for me? So selfish, Jill…

But I’d already paid out the overpriced entry fee, skipping it would be even stupider. So I debated repeatedly about what to wear (it was in the 50’s, but it was supposed to rain, but it wasn’t that cold yet, but would it start to pour on me… I can overthink like an Olympian.) I settled on shorts and a quarter-zip pullover and headed out.

I got to the park to pick up my bib number and they told me since I hadn’t registered two weeks in advance, I’d have to wait until after the race the following day to see if I could get a shirt. Whatever.. I’m not in it for the shirt.

I’ve run this race so many times, probably at least 10 times as the actual race. Plus I used to run on the course every single week when I ran with the Fleet Feet running group, back before I had a kid and gave up all of a personal life. So I went in a little cocky/comforted, thinking how well I know the route. But they changed it up! I mean, not so much that it was dramatically different in terrain, but it was just down along the path that I have only run about 20% as much as the regular route.

As I started running, my heart rate spiked at first. It does that for a lot of runners, then you settle into a rhythm. And since it was all downhill for the first mile, I just kept telling myself that was free speed to bank.

The biggest problem was the fog in my head. I just feel like thinking is harder these days, and for some reason running a race at dusk when the world’s color is strange, it just played tricks on my brain. It is kind of hard to explain, but a foggy sensation that is dulling my brain is the best way to describe it. I feel that a lot these days… which could be related to my thyroid or it could be related to my perimenopause age. Or it could be both! Fun! Which is all so annoying, and probably better suited for more ranting on a different day.

As I reached the first turn to start running back uphill I was kind of surprised at myself because despite all of the annoying brain/thinking feelings, I was doing pretty well. Especially given the inconsistent running I’ve been doing the past 3 years and the relatively short time being back to running at least 3x a week. (Old me used to run 5x a week, except for that stretch that I ran every day for over a year.)

As I hit the second turnaround to head toward the start/finish line, I was had a feeling of slight accomplishment. Not much makes me feel like I’m accomplishing things these days. Parenting and working both end up feeling like getting by after negotiating a series of compromises and battles after clawing through the Upside Down. (We’ve watched a lot of Stranger Things around here lately, okay?)

But I crossed the finish line and I was super proud of myself for still managing to have a sub-10 minute mile pace overall in this event. 9:40 average, to be exact.

I downed my (faux) champagne at the finish line and headed back home to eat pizza and watch Stranger Things with my kid.

New Years Day rolled around and I was registered for the 5K to happen at noon. Well, 12:15… again, I was in the 5K group and we had to wait for the 10K runners to start first.

And again I had the feeling that I was being a shitty mother by taking roughly 90-120 minutes out of my day to go do a race. Does every mother feel like a shitty person all the time, just because they are responsible for a human? I don’t think they do, if I’m judging by social media. Several moms seem to relish leaving their kids behind and feel no guilt in doing so.

So as the morning ticked by, I was feeling anxious again. But as I recognized that my 13yo kid had mostly ignored me by hanging out in her room all morning and my husband was watching ALL of the college football available to consume, they really wouldn’t miss me.

This time, it really was raining all morning so I worried that I’d end up soaked. The only other time I’ve really run in the rain was the 2015 Boston Marathon… because when you go to Boston for the marathon and it rains you just have to run in the rain. Most of the time, rain doesn’t occur often enough to be concerned about it here in Las Vegas, so I usually can avoid it.

But the rain stopped for about 2 hours midday, right as the race was scheduled to happen. So yay for me, no soggy feet to be had.

At the start line, another woman asked me if I was there running by myself like she was. I confirmed and she said, “Let’s get a selfie to celebrate.” So we took a pic together!

The race started and we did the exact same course as the day before. As I hit the first mile, my Garmin beeped at me to tell me I ran that mile about 40 seconds faster than I had run my first mile the day before. I had been thinking to myself “This is a mistake, today feels harder. Perhaps I’m not ready to do two races in less than 24 hours.” But it actually was harder, I was running faster.

Overall I ran the entire race about 90 seconds faster overall than the previous evening, overall average pace of 9:18. I realize I’m technically a “masters runner” and have probably hit all my fastest races in the past, but it felt good to know that I wasn’t that much slower.

After the race I chatted with my new friend from the start. As it turns out, she had surgery on one of her parathyroids. While she doesn’t have to live a life without a thyroid and take replacement meds for that, it was kind of nice to chat with someone who had to deal with surgery to cut their neck open and making adjustments to life due to that. She said that she’s trying to get back into races regularly again this year, so maybe I can catch her at some other events in the future. If I convince myself to sign up.

It feels absolutely ridiculous that I beat myself up over taking the time and the funds to run a race when we can absolutely afford it and my family mostly didn’t even seem to notice my absence, especially today because there were no pressing television series trying to wrap up their story waiting on me like last night. But I’m also not sure that stress of beating myself up leading up to the race is worth it either. We’ll see… I do think the accomplishment of a race that takes more than an hour feels better than a 5K but I’m not sure I have the time or willpower to get out to train for a half or a full marathon this year.

The irony is that I’ve done a couple of treadmill half marathons as personal “challenges”… I’ll blow a few hours of sick/annual leave at work and spend the morning on a treadmill doing a course. But that’s different because I never push myself at a pace that feels super challenging and I can take regular bathroom and snack breaks as needed. Or respond to Slack messages so my work never thinks that I slack, even if I am taking leave that I’m entitled to use.

All I’m saying is… maybe. Maybe there are more longer races still in me.

Oh, and I did get a t-shirt after today’s race. Funny enough, it’s the same as past years. So I already have a few versions of this shirt anyway.

Earlier this summer I was sent a pair of H2Oaudio Tri2 Pro headphones. These are open ear (bone conduction) style headphones that are waterproof. Meaning, yep… you can swim in them.

But, there is a caveat with that. You can’t connect to your device via Bluetooth when one device (the headphones) are underwater. That means you need to preload the content onto the headphones first. We’ll get to that…

These headphones come with a convenient carrying case, so you can hold the headphones and peripherals all in one storage spot. Not that there is a lot of components, basically the headphones and the charging cable is all you need. I think they also came with a pair of earplugs, which always makes me chuckle to think of open ear headphones with a separate way to close your ears.

I found that they paired easily with my iPhone and I could listen to any audio started on my phone via Bluetooth with no problems. I found the headphones comfortable and the audio quality on par with most open ear headphones. (You’re always going to lose something if you’re wearing them out and a car passes you. Or a gaggle of tween boys on e-bikes.)

They come with a charging cable that is USB on one end and a magnetic charger on the other end, that is similar to styles used on some brands of smartwatches. Charging was easy, let the magnetic end grab onto the earbuds and plug in the USB. Wait until it turns green, you’re good to go.

So I just need to reiterate here, since the documentation for this product also reiterates it in several places. You cannot listen to anything via Bluetooth when you are underwater! You must load content onto to the device! If you are complaining about your Bluetooth cutting out while swimming laps, then you’re not following directions.

In fact, it was funny to have my daughter wear these while she was swimming and keep the app open on my phone. She was swimming away, listening to music on the headphones. But as she sent in and out of the water, I could see on the app screen messages about them being connected, disconnected, connected, disconnected. I wonder if that would kill the battery for your phone after a while. I imagine the headphones would be fine though.

There are a few ways to load audio on to these. The easiest being to connect them to the charging cable, connect the cable to a computer, and drag audio files onto them like it’s another storage drive. This works beautifully if you have audio files.

But if you’re listening to podcasts or audiobooks, you probably don’t have the actual audio file. *

The other methods to get audio on to the headphones are kind of clunky and I didn’t like them all that much. It worked, but it kind of reminded me of the 1980’s when I would make a mix tape by recording songs off the radio. You’d miss the first few seconds of songs and that was just how we accepted it.

To load other audio on the headphones, you have to use their PLAYLIST+ functionality, which lets you transfer any audio content streaming on your device to the headphones. There are two methods for this.

1. Directly via Bluetooth: Start your desired audio on your paired device, making sure you hear it playing through the headphones and that the volume level is high enough. Then you double-click the + button on the headphones. I would recommend you restart the audio before pressing the + button because you’ve probably lost a lot of seconds at the start as you’re checking the audio levels.
2. Loading via App: This is a little bit more intuitive, but the app interface needs some refreshing. It feels pretty rudimentary. But this is the same kind of concept, you connect via Bluetooth, start the song/podcast/book playing and then start loading in the app. With the app you can indicate time to load, so you could say “load for 40 minutes” to get a whole podcast. (Or load for 3 hours, depending on what podcasts you like.) But that means that your device and your headphones have to sit there for the whole duration of what you want to load to finish, then you can play it back on the headphones while you’re underwater.

Personally, I would prefer to just load songs on via the USB transfer. Much faster process. I did load a little bit of a podcast and a little bit of an audiobook to test it out, but for longer term use playing from the headphones memory I always reverted to music.

*I don’t know how far back in podcasting history you recall… I setup a podcast for something at work back in 2004 or so. At that time, you subscribed to a podcast in iTunes and each new episode would download to your computer/iTunes automatically and you transferred it to your iPod. So you actually did get the audio file. Podcasts are so ubiquitous now, I cannot imagine having to store that many audio files. And who needs to keep a podcast audio file forever, aside from the original creator? But if people were not careful or aware of storage limitations, they’d fill that up fast if we still operated like that.

ALL THE PROTEIN!

My favorite sarcastic Instagram account said in one post, “Google how much protein in a day will kill you, and subtract about 10 from that.” And do you know what the internet algorithm’s top protein choice seems to be? Cottage Cheese.

I’m not even sure who to attribute it to anymore, but I’ve seen the recommendation to shoot for 30ish grams of protein at each meal repeated all the damn time. (Grammarly really wants me to say “repeatedly” there instead of cursing. My blog, my language.) So I started to try boosting my protein at each meal.

I don’t usually spend time cooking breakfast, I have to start work by 7:00am, which means (in my self-imposed rules) I need to start working by 6:45am. Which means I eat breakfast at my desk. And one of the easier ways I found was to eat high-protein greek yogurt or cottage cheese.

Was I eating cottage cheese on the regular before this past year? No… not at all. But it’s now a staple of my diet. The internet algorithm pushed me into it. I joined the cult.

Think I’m exaggerating? Even the grocery store receipt says it’s a GD cult.

I have been buying the Good Culture brand of cottage cheese because it has cultures in it. The alternative is the Lactaid brand, which is cheaper on some days and not on others. They seem to flip-flop. But the grocery store abbreviated “Good Culture” as GD Cult on the receipt. Irony? (Probably, but it’s hilarious.)

Here’s the problem… I had my thyroid out a few years ago. And I’ve felt slightly crappy ever since, with one of my main complaints being dizziness. And since I started trying to eat more protein, the dizziness has amplified.

Some of this could be attributed to perimenopause. There are about 37,459,278 various symptoms documented that can be attributed to perimenopause. Or 34 symptoms. Or more… nobody knows for certain because “studying women’s health is too hard… let’s just not do it. Let’s work on erection medicines instead!” (I assume that’s how conversations go in medical research labs.)

So I’m dizzy a lot. If I crouch down and stand back up, the world goes black, and I have to wait a few beats for that to correct. But I noticed that with this protein increase the dizziness would intensify in other situations… like walking down the aisle at the grocery store. That was weird, but it made my head pound and feel weird. Weird is not a great descriptor, but it is all I can come up with.

As my estrogen declines, my endocrinologist has observed that my thyroid levels change, so I become hyperthyroid. So he adjusts the levels of my replacement med until I fall somewhere in the normal range. He doesn’t seem to care at all where I am in that range, I can be on the cusp of hyperthyroid by a hair, and he’s like, “Good enough, stay on this dose.” Actually, his staff calls me to say, “He said you’re in range, stay on that dose.”

But I still felt like hot garbage. So I started reading Reddit and Facebook groups about others who have had a total thyroidectomy. And one post jumped out at me, a woman said that she gets up at 1am to take her thyroid medicine so she can have her latte when she wakes up at 7am, because her doctor said the milk was interfering with her body’s ability to use the replacement thyroid properly. And several others jumped in on that to say the same.

Now, we won’t touch on the fact that “YOU DON’T WAKE UP UNTIL 7?!” went through my mind. But I did think to myself, “Wait… I get up at 5:45 and take my thyroid med right then, and eat breakfast at about 7 or 7:30am, am I interfering by eating yogurt or the gd cult cottage cheese?” I knew it said on the thyroid meds bottle to not take calcium supplements for at least 4 hours after taking, but I figured it was just the super high dose of those. I didn’t consider that the calcium-rich food would be a problem, because it’s still not as much calcium as a supplement pill.

But I stopped eating yogurt and gd cult at breakfast… If I want to eat those for an extra calcium hit, that can be later in the day.

And while I still can’t crouch down to pull a rogue weed from the yard without having the world shut down on me for a moment, I can now walk down the grocery store aisle without feeling like my head is spinning. So, it’s a small win?

But I’m still furious that I basically have to be my own doctor, because most doctors are overbooked and can’t actually treat patients and listen to their challenges. The Las Vegas medical scene is pretty rough; there aren’t nearly enough doctors and specialists for the population. And it’s hard to find someone who is accepting new patients and takes my insurance. And nobody has time to call various doctors’ offices all day to ask questions, because they usually put you on hold until you get disconnected. After all, they’re all too busy for someone asking stupid questions* while they’re trying to check patients in and out.

*They’re not really stupid questions either. “Do you take my insurance?” and “Are you accepting new patients?” just feel extra stupid when you can tell they’re frazzled and you’re stressed because you should be focusing on work at that time and not sitting on hold waiting/hoping for a doctor’s admin assistant to get around to the phone. I try to be self-sufficient, but the insurance company’s website is so unreliable. Half the time it is timing out on provider searches, and the rest it’s like, “Here’s a list of tons of people that probably take this insurance, but you should find their contact info and see for yourself if they’re still in plan.”

I’m going to focus this mostly on the Adrenalife because that is the one I was the most excited to try. The other two were bonus surprises, so I will get to those, too.

Adrenalife

In an attempt to not make this a flood of emotion, but to give some context to how I feel, much of my personal life feels challenging. I’m overworked and overwhelmed. I feel like I don’t really have much of a support system in my life, and I usually try to not be a burden on anyone else, so I keep my problems to myself. Plus, I had my thyroid removed 3 years ago, and I’ve not felt “right” since then. And now I’m in that perimenopause zone, where the chaotic roller coaster my hormones seem to be on makes it just harder to cope with everything. I’m angry and irritable and weepy and frustrated and probably every other negative emotion you can think of, all at the same time.

So instead of actually doing less work, and learning to meditate, and talking to a therapist… the dream of just popping a supplement is way more enticing, right? (Don’t @ me, I know that’s not the best approach.)

So with all of that, I started taking Adrenalife. The recommended dosing is 3 capsules. I started with 2 a day at first and then moved up to 3 after a week.

Some of the ingredients:

• Shizandra: This is more commonly spelled “schisandra,” and I first heard mention of it when Dr. Stacy Sims talked about it on the Huberman Lab podcast. (It sounded like she was same somebody’s name when pronouncing it.) While Activated You includes it in this product as an adaptogen to help the body deal with outside stress, Dr. Sims recommends it for athletes to help improve performance. And it has the added bonus of having been studied for perimenopause/menopause symptoms like hot flashes and heart palpitations.
• Ashwagandha: This has roots in traditional Indian medicine and has been studied to show it has a calming effect and can reduce cortisol. It supposedly can help regulate hormones and fluctuations, but I don’t know if it can stand up against the zone of chaos of perimenopause.
• Taurine: This is an amino acid that has been shown to have benefits on mental health, interacting with GABA receptors to help with sleep and mood disruptors. There have also been studies to show it helps with some anti-aging benefits in women aged 55-70.

I was pleasantly surprised that I actually did feel better after a few weeks taking this. Better enough to keep taking them. Not to where I’d say I’m crushing life and kicking butt… I’m still in emotional turmoil inside. But I guess I don’t feel like crying every time a new request comes up at work now.

The worst part is that Adrenalife retails for $69.95 for a one-month supply directly from the retailer. But you can get a discount if you buy multiple months at a time and if you sign up for their subscription plans.* I’ve also seen it priced better on Amazon.

Essential Skin Food

The Essential Skin Food supplement says it’s supposed to increase the appearance of the skin, one of the features was to support the skin’s “natural plumpness”… which cracks me up because most of us don’t want to be called plump, but that is actually something I’ve seen advertised to me more as the internet algorithms have figured out my age. “Your declining hormones make your skin sag and look less plump, you hag! Buy our products.” (Not this company’s advertising specifically, just in general.)

Honestly, I don’t feel like one month of taking this is enough to actually see a difference, or if a visible difference is even possible. I have already been taking a collagen supplement each morning for years, and I still just keep getting more fine lines because I’m getting older. That’s life.

This also retails for $69.95 for a one-month supply directly from Activated You. Same story with deals when you buy multiples or subscriptions*. And the same thing with buying it at Amazon less expensive at times.

Immune Complete

Immune Complete is a liquid supplement that is intended to help boost your immune system. It’s a pretty classic blend of vitamin c, zinc, and elderberry… which I usually try to use when my family is sick in an attempt to not catch whatever they have. The most common delivery method is in the form of gummies, though, which have extra sugars and aren’t necessarily great for the teeth. So I like that this is a different form. It has a peach flavor, which is pleasant.

I don’t love the actual spray mechanism on the bottle; it’s long and weird and seems like it would be easy to break off. It also seems more prone to dripping after sprays if you aren’t careful with the weird twisting nozzle.

Immune Complete sells for $24.95 directly from Activated You. Discounts on multiples and subscriptions*. I don’t think this one gets sold on Amazon.

*I’m so tired of subscription models on everything in the world these days. Also, it just feels manipulative to tell people they can get a better deal on something if they buy a 3-month or 6-month supply at once when someone might be interested in just trying it. It’s like asking them to marry you instead of a first date.

If you are interested in trying these, I would recommend signing up for Rakuten and/or Ibotta and see if you can earn cashback on your purchases at Activated You (and other stores). Those are referral links, so I’d get some kind of small cash amount kickback in my account. So if you’re interested, using my link helps me out! (With some pennies to offset the cost of hosting this site.)

(However, I do think that Father’s Day should be the day where a father has to do every single thing for their child(ren), because in my world, that is never happening.)

So while I love my child immensely, being a mother makes me feel like a failure at everything in life, and Mother’s Day is just a heightened version of that feeling. It’s weird. So I usually just feel sad this whole day.

I recently got an advanced copy of What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? by Karen Johnson, and I really took my time with it, savoring each chapter. Every single one made me feel seen in a way that few books about motherhood have.

At first glance, I wasn’t sure this book would be for me. Based on the title alone, you might assume it’s aimed at women who left behind careers to raise their kids and are now trying to figure out what’s next. That’s not my story. I didn’t give up my career to become a mother, and I’ll probably still be doing the same work when my child is grown. And while I’m in on the downhill side of the 40s, my kid is still just 12, so she’s not flying the nest super soon. It will come, and that moment will feel like it landed fast, just like the fact that she is 12 seems completely impossible because she was a baby yesterday. But the title also feels like it’s for someone who is experiencing empty-nesting.

But here’s the beautiful part: it doesn’t matter. This book is welcoming and validating to all moms—whether you stepped away from a job, stayed in it, changed paths, or are still figuring things out. The truth that runs through the whole book is this: mothering humans is hard work. And while the world claims to appreciate moms, it often doesn’t show up in tangible, meaningful ways. We still judge mothers far more harshly than fathers in the same situations—and often, the harshest judgment comes from within.

There’s humor in these pages, too—plenty of it. It’s the kind of book that doesn’t pretend there’s a parenting “manual” out there. It recognizes we’re all working on completely different “projects,” so there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What I loved most is that this book isn’t trying to tell you how to be a better mom.

I read a preview PDF copy through Box, which made highlighting nearly impossible—but there were so many moments I wanted to mark. Now that it is available on Kindle, I plan to go back and highlight the hell out of it. So many gems. (That said, I don’t know what to do with highlights in e-books. I’m sure all of these knowledge gurus would have plans for me to incorporate those in to Notion or AI libraries and truly learn from them. But for now, uh… I don’t do anything other than highlight something in my Kindle. Maybe it drives it into my brain more, maybe not.)

I’ve often felt like I wasn’t “meant” for this motherhood gig. Honestly, I still feel that way almost every single day. But picking up this book reminded me that most of us are just figuring it out as we go—flying by the seat of our pants, hoping we don’t mess it up too badly. And somehow, that makes me feel a little less alone.

If you’ve ever questioned your place in motherhood—or just needed to hear that you’re not the only one figuring it out—this book is worth your time.

There I am, at spot number 29… right above adidas.

I am not nearly as prolific writing on this site as I once was. I miss it, even if the running blog community is not the same. Everybody wants videos or Tik Tok or Reels or whatever it is they’re flocking to these days. I prefer a little less noise. But it’s still fun to see my site pop up on these kinds of lists.

(Although, to be honest I miss the creative outlet and I wouldn’t mind posting more. I also would love to make videos, I have so many ideas. But I do not have time for my own creative outlets these days, I work too many hours a week at the “real world” job and then I am the primary parent to my one kid. Seriously, my ONE kid drains all of my energy. Love her to death, but I honestly don’t know how people manage more children.)

Anyway, check out the list. There are a bunch of folks that I’ve known and met over the years, several I’d never heard of, and big name companies. It’s got a lot of variety for sure!

My right heel was giving me grief, it had a crack in it that wouldn’t heal well.

(Side note: heel is part of the foot, heal is when something gets better, healthier. I see people mix these up online all the time.)

One day an intriguing email showed up, offering me the chance to test a pair of the TRIPLE MAX Ion by KURU. It mentioned in the marketing copy “Our shoes focus on pain relief, especially when it comes to heel pain and Plantar Fasciitis.” I thought to myself, “well, I’ve had some heel pain. Let’s give it a try!”

Even upon initially opening the box, I was greeted with the message “Heel Better so you can live life.” This product was all in on the heel, so it was time to test them out.

I liked the color combo I received. This is the Twilight Blue/Lavender combo. But the size of the sole was definitely present and impressive. And when I lifted them out of the box, I noticed the heft and the crash pad was substantive.

I felt like I grew about 6 inches when I put these on. That’s exaggerating, but I am definitely at a minimally higher elevation when wearing these. And they’re heavy, weighing in at 13.2 oz. My typical running shoes at only 5.3 oz. Wearing these feels like I’ve strapped on some ankle weights!

I tried running in them, but I felt like I had bricks on my feet. That was not my favorite experience. I don’t mind walking the dog in them and I can definitely feel the difference in how it cradles my heel and actually helps it feel better.

KURU is an interesting brand that definitely seems focused on foot health. They have indicated that 81% of Americans have experienced foot pain at some point in their life, with most dealing with it for an average of 6.3 years. And 24% of respondents in a survey they did reported missing work due to foot pain. I can see that, my husband has stopped walking the dog with me due to foot pain. (My non-MD guess is a Morton’s neuroma, cause my dad had that issue.) I would add the stat that 100% of my spouses with foot pain (he’s the only one) complain and don’t take action, even when you find a doctor on your insurance and send him the details.

KURU has an interesting line of shoes, and while this one hasn’t become my go-to shoe, it’s a quality shoe. Their ATOM model seems like it might be better for me. But they also have sandals and flip flops.

I also appreciate that they have a whole trade-in program where people can earn store credit when returning their old KURU shoes.

My heel is feeling better, by the way. I just had to use extra moisturizer and Vaseline and keep wearing socks/slippers while in the house. The crack is still faintly visible, but not painful now!