Jill Writes

Fluency!

2008-06-30T09:22:00.002-04:00

Need something to do this August? As usual, I'll be urging those of us in the NYC area to check out the New York International Fringe Festival, FringeNYC.

This year I'll be directing and performing in Rake Theater's "Fluency", written by my friend and longtime collaborator, Kimberly Patterson.

What's it about?
Jack's an actor; Olivia's a playwright. They're better at kissing than communicating! Can they learn the language of love? Watch as they perform classic scenes: "first date," "awkward breakup" and "happy ending." A meta-theatrical romantic comedy from South Florida.

But you're not from South Florida!
No, I'm not. That's where Rake Theater is.

So, are you Jack or Olivia?
Olivia.

Isn't it funny that the character is named Jack?
Highly.

Did Kim do that for you?
No. She just likes the name.

More details, location, dates and performance times to come soon. Feel free to make more Jack comments. Those of you with nursery rhyme names are welcome to share anecdotes of childhood name-banes.

Angels' Dares Reading

2008-05-27T16:39:00.005-04:00

Hello folks,
Thanks for your comments and emails and inquiries about where I've been. Answers include TequilaCon and the Orlando International Fringe Theatre Festival.

I've also had some day-to-day projects in the works that have prevented me from keeping up with blogging. However, I will be easing back in... (Yes, I suppose you've heard that before. Sorry, dudes and dudettes. I do mean it.)

As for "What have I been up to?" ...I'll be reading the Angels' Dares series as part of COAHSI's Summerfest. Details are...

Thursday, June 12 at 7pm
Barnes & Noble
2234 Richmond Avenue
Staten Island, NY

You can check out the other literary awards recipients here. Summerfest also includes performances by performing arts awardees and exhibits by visual arts awardees. All events are free.

Hope you can make it!

Summerfest is a series of Free exhibits and performances by Staten Island artists, presented by the Council on the Arts & Humanities for Staten Island (COAHSI). Summerfest Literary & Exhibiting Excellence in the Arts Awards are made possible through JPMorgan Chase. Summerfest Performing Excellence in the Arts Awards are made possible through the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs.

Happy announcement!

2008-03-20T15:14:00.002-04:00

JillWrites is pleased to report...

I've won one of COAHSI's 2008 Excellence Awards!

COAHSI is the Council for the Arts and Humanities for Staten Island. Each year the Council presents awards to performing, visual, and literary artists. The awards are intended to celebrate artists' bodies of work and artistic development. As a recipient, I'll be presenting a reading during SummerFest. More info to come!

Jill Writes. Again.

2008-02-16T18:46:00.002-05:00

Posts coming soon.

My most favoritestestest email I've ever written.

2007-12-11T12:09:00.000-05:00

Scratch that. Ah, the wonder of Google. Menu looks good. See you there.

Just got back from the grocery store.

2007-12-10T20:04:00.000-05:00

Monday nights in the grocery store are a mixed blessing. The mood is peaceful yet the produce choices are limited. Still we were able to find some mixed greens, apples, pears and berries that are rather pleasing. Add to that the nuts and beans we already had at home and a couple of good cheeses and I'm back to eating well. We also replenished the ice cream and chocolate supply for indulgence. Now I'm going to steep some ginger root and add some cream, prepare some foods to have ready in the fridge, relax, and get some sleep.

Today shall be my new birthday.

2007-12-05T23:01:00.000-05:00

Well, my second birthday.

(Because I really like my day of actual birth, it being exactly in the middle of the awesomeness that is October.)

There is silence in my brain.

I've never heard silence before.

That is all.

For now.

Abigail posted a list of texts she's sent in the past seven days.

2007-12-05T08:16:00.000-05:00

Jill thinks it's gonna be fun to cyber-reply. (See Abigail's post here.)

Got early fight. Arriving at seven.
Yeah, that sucks. If it makes you feel any better, I've always woken up in the middle of the night. That's probably why I don't like mornings so much.

Miss you.
2.

I think ice is subjective.
Well, here's the thing. The reindeer can fly so it doesn't matter if they're landlocked.

I forgot something.
I forget shit all the time. I also remember shit all the time. I also especially remember shit all the time I wake up in the middle of the night. I also especially forget shit when it's morning.

How long is Across the Universe?
Immeasurable?

If you are chilly...
...wear two scarves and a hat. Indoors.

Have keys. On my way.
To the kingdom.

I'm going to save you when I get to my office.
Cake. I randomly say the word "cake". It's a better choice than blurting out "I hate people".

Can you get cookies?
Can you call Kat?

Oh yeah and...

2007-12-05T07:58:00.000-05:00

Josh mentioned that he got his iPod at work. But then he dropped it. Fortunately he picked it up before we left the store. It reminded me of one of my guidance counselors in high school. He gave me an Eagles tape that wouldn't actually play.

Update on the recap

2007-11-23T11:14:00.000-05:00

I've woken up this morning in a rather pleasant mood with the minor exception of the sneezing - sore throat situation, which has actually morphed into something else which I'd rather not detail because it's kinda gross. However, it's not painful, exactly.

Last night I wrote that I was going to have a cup of tea and go to bed. But then I didn't feel like going to bed so I decided to play in Photoshop to see if I could figure out ways to salvage portraits in which the flash was too harsh. I found the shot that I liked the most and played with it until I came up with something, which I posted.

This reminds me that yesterday I realized that I've historically been too hard on myself about changing my mind over things. I changed my attitude about mind-changing. I changed my mind about going straight to bed after the blog post.

Also, several things I've seen on the internet in my morning reading reminded me that I also had a semi-long angst-ridden walk around my old neighborhood yesterday. I didn't leave that out of my blog post on purpose last night; I was really excited about being inspired to make fun of Uno Spin.

Also, I don't use semi-colons for the fun of it; I do it because I recognize their proper usage and my obsessive-compulsiveness often gets directed into punctuation and grammar. My obsessive-compulsiveness also gets directed into counting things, like books sold for the book drive at work. I count things. Lots of things. Like sometimes, ceiling tiles. But do you know what would be a much healthier way to direct some of this OCD? Hand sanitizer. Maybe if I directed a bit more of my nervous energy toward clean hands I wouldn't have the sneezy-throaty issue.

Okay, back to my walk. I don't remember the exact cause of the angst, but I do recalling wanting to direct it in a way that would not result in me raging or crying at the dinner table. When I got back from the walk, I raged at my brother some more. That's when he told me (again?) that now I should try to move from verbal raging into directing the anger into sports. Then I told my aunt's cousin that Catholic school has evil effects on little girls' psyches. Somewhere in there, I realized or was told or both that I'm fine just the way I am and the only one I should blame for trying to change me is me. True. Yep. Incidentally, me believes bitch is an empowering word that carries too many negative connotations.

There was also dinner table discussion about John from Cincinnati, which as some of you know, was my favorite TV show for the one season it was on the air. My father watched every episode twice. I didn't watch each episode of the show twice, but I have on many occasions been compelled to relive things that have happened to me. I'm not going to do that any more. It's unhealthy. I may write about my days but I'm not going to obsess about them.

In John from Cincinnati, the title character would (among other things) repeat to other characters things they or other people had said, with little to no vocal inflection. This would eventually incur action on the part of the other characters. I believe this would occur because the things he repeated or caused them to relive had a certain amount of hidden weight that they had not previously recognized. In life it is not possible to stop other people from acting like John. I have been angered by people doing such things in my life and I really wanted it to stop. But now I realize that I will stop being angry at people who do this once the hidden weight is gone. I think most of it is gone for me. It's all a matter of admitting emotions and accepting myself as I am. However, to reiterate my new acceptance of my prerogative to change my mind, I would like to state that John from Cincinnati is no longer my favorite TV show and I am pleased that it is off the air.

*****

Random bookish asides:

I never liked T.S. Eliot.

In high school, I skipped a very large section in the middle of A Farewell to Arms because I just couldn't stand Hemingway's hero any more. This is ironic because soon after I became rather stoic myself. Screw that. I'm done. Though I wouldn't mind living in the Hemingway House. Even with the cats.

I do not believe that The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex should be segregated from other books.

I've read nearly every book by Anne Rice.

Arthur Miller led a really fascinating life but I still don't want to have to re-read his plays.

*****

Also, I sometimes will even answer to bitch. Also also, I sometimes will even answer to Jilly. Also also also, I greatly savor the usage of "sometimes" in these sentences.

*****

And one last thing: the major reason I was not inspired to rage at any of my friends via IM yesterday was that the stickers on Kerri!'s blog improved my mood immeasurably.

Turkey et al: the Thanksgiving recap

2007-11-22T22:14:00.000-05:00

Woke up with a sore throat, a sneezing fit, and an Alcatraz-rock on my shoulder. Consequently, greeted the 9am hour and my mother as Raging Bitch Jill. Vaguely remember attempting to watch the Macy's parade on the living room TV for all of 30 seconds, after which I pulled a fleece blanket over my head and beat the demented teddy bear woven into it. Eventually, I showered. I even blow-dried my hair.

Seethed on the computer for a while but did not take advantage of any of my friends who would have let me vent my wrath upon them. Asked Casey to call me buttface. Went to Brooklyn to have dinner with my father's side of the family. Shared my chocolate turkey with my godfather, Uncle Bags. Ate. Took a bunch of photos, none of which I am particularly pleased with.

Asked my brother for batting lessons. He basically told me that my years of wiffle-ball training and pretty decent hand-eye coordination don't mean beans unless I increase my upper body strength. In brain-storming fitness options, I recalled that I really liked going to the rock-climbing gym. Unfortunately, of the two people I took the belaying class with, one is my ex-boyfriend (a great guy, but I'm thinking we should not be rock-climbing together) and the other lives in Florida. Thus began the brain-storming of every human I know in the NYC-Northern NJ area as possible climbing partners. None came to mind as a potentially willing partner. Time for Jill to make a new belaying friend.

Played Uno Spin. It's advertised as "The Uno classic card game goes revolutionary!" Riiiiiight. Has anyone played this game? Revolutionary, not the first adjective that comes to mind. How about ass-backwards? That works. Idiotic? Check. Does a fancied-up version of Crazy 8's really require a wheel? Um, no. Then again, Hangman didn't exactly require a wheel but Merv Griffin died a kazillionaire and Vanna White's a peroxide deity.

I did have fun playing Uno Spin, mostly because it was ridiculously amusing that we had to read the directions before and after every player's turn. Plus, there were two flavors of Haagen Dazs on the table. White chocolate raspberry truffle is a damn good flavor. We should have played Spit. I now want to play Spit.

I'm home now. My throat is still sore. I'm going to have a cup of tea and go to sleep. Happy Friday, people.

I think my birthday just came a month late.

2007-11-16T11:12:00.000-05:00

I'd officially reschedule it but I think we all know October is far superior to November. Then again, November has had its breakthroughs the past few years.

Day so far: woke up. did stuff. had some fruit. posted some photos. read some blogs.

Now I will eat more. And get some stuff done. And get more stuff done. All my tasks are neatly listed in my calendar. I'm getting good at this scheduling and prioritizing thing. If I really want to press my luck, I might even try to blow-dry my hair. Who knows, maybe my brother might even give me some batting lessons. The possibilities are endless.

practicing patience

2007-10-25T15:46:00.000-04:00

Patience is the hardest part.

Mistake, accept, different mistake, different accepting.

Learned more yesterday about how I wish to address ambiguity in life and how I will feel if I don't actually articulate that it is there. If I am aware of it, I must address it. Last week I set off on a path toward being able to do do just that. Yesterday, I stumbled, took stock of how it felt. Now I've regained balance, reviewed what I am trying to teach myself, and am walking again. Breaking old thought patterns is difficult but I want to do it.

There have been a bunch of things that I'd been aware of, or that threw up a flag in my brain, that I just didn't address. They've ranged in size from the tiny to the gargantuan. Why I didn't address them at the times, I'll not try to answer right now. But I will take note that those are the things that resound in my mind the most. And those are things I will learn from.

Not sure who if anyone would be reading this, but that's okay. I don't need to know. I'm talking aloud, for I still do that from time to time. I haven't looked at it in quite some time, but I'm officially deleting the Sitemeter. I may still have a few more things to say on this page, but I'll say them only as I feel strongly. And then I will step back and ask myself why I felt to do that. And I'll use that answer to check my course and make sure I'm still going in the direction I mean to be heading.

Slowly, slowly.

Patience.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I think I've been learning something.

2007-10-22T10:48:00.000-04:00

I sat down to write a profile yesterday and this is what essentially came out. (I've made a few revisions since then.) I didn't want to keep it as my profile but I do want to share it.

*****

A woman, seeking...

...to establish an equilibrium in the world outside her own mind.
...to leave behind the childish and only retain some of the wonder of the child-like.
...to discover how to make art while accepting its myriad interpretations.
...to discover how to appreciate art while accepting its myriad interpretations.
...to reconcile herself with a wash of feelings about the people she has been or wanted or pretended or seemed to be.
...to separate those selves from what she has created based upon them.
...to find peace with her past arts and artifices.
...to stop forgetting the good and powerful and sincere that was all mixed in.
...to live an authentic self in as many moments as is humanly possible.
...to fully accept the knowledge that ultimately she cannot control how people feel or think of her.
...to forgive herself for the hurts she has caused people she has genuinely cared about.
...to choose her words and actions carefully.
...to find a way to preserve her own sanity and peace of mind while indulging her genuine desire to interact with people.
...to find what redemption there may be in this world while accepting that there may not always be.
...to express gratitude.
...to go forward into life knowing better who she is and aims to be.
...to keep growing.
...to maintain patience in all these processes.

*****

She knows...
...she makes mistakes.
... she is the only person who can be her and be accountable for her
...she's going to the shelter to rescue a puppy.

Hey, I've got a bunch of stuff to write.

2007-10-02T11:06:00.000-04:00

But right now it's in my notebook. Sometimes I jot a bunch of stuff down, then let it evolve in my head. I did do some typing and posting the other day, but then I decided it wasn't saying exactly what I wanted to say. So I un-posted.

I always taught my students that solid writing is really just a guide through your thought process. The better and clearer and more precise the thinking, the better the end product can be. That, coupled with the thought that if you don't worry about what other people are thinking, you can evolve on your own time... leads me to say: Yep, lots of stuff to write. Plenty of time to write it in.

Hi.

2007-09-03T22:31:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to ease back into this blogging thing. If you've left a comment recently, let me apologize to you for not having responded to them. Don't know why I haven't. But I haven't. I appreciate your comments. A great deal, in fact. But I haven't replied to them.

I appreciate all the recently new readers as well, but I just want to take a moment to send out a hello to the bloggers I've known for a long time (in blogging time). I'm shifting things around in my life, trying to get back to writing and the blogosphere, trying to figure out what my blog's going to be all about again. I'm wanting to get back to exchanging thoughts and comments with you again. You guys is funny. Yes, I wrote that on purpose. Hellloooooooo, out there. I miss you. I'm coming back. You're still here, right?

Hey.

2007-08-29T22:03:00.001-04:00

How are you?

I feel good.

I don't know exactly what I'm about to say right now, but I'm okay with that. In fact, I don't think I've ever been more okay with the idea of giving myself the space to go where something takes me. I like this. I like this feeling.

I've always been the kind of person to put too much pressure on myself. Often that would entail making stress out of things that should have been enjoyable. I make things because I love it and because I feel not myself when I am not making things; yet, the desire to make things as a career often causes me to put my stress-maker into overdrive. Thus, loss of pleasure.

So I'm de-stressing. And I'm cleaning. OH BOY am I cleaning. Firstly--because I made a huge mess in nearly every room of the house during the time I was producing the play. And secondly--because it's time to houseclean. Clean house. Cleanse. Purge. Make room. Air space. Breathing space. Life space. New life space.

At the moment I am not putting pressures or deadlines upon my desire to create things. I am also not babbling much. So I am not blogging so often. Once the cleaning is complete, I will likely blog more often but in a different style or perhaps with more emphasis upon the visual or perhaps more often with fiction or perhaps I don't know exactly right now, but I do know it will be different than before because I am different than before.

And I'm still going to write and continue larger writing projects but I am also going to come up with some career strategies and find different sources of income and generally just change my life in ways that will allow me to live feeling more like the me I've always wanted to be. Or thought I was. Or thought I could be.

And I'm thinking that perhaps my fervent output in the early days of this blog was something like a person looking into a mirror because without the reflection they wouldn't be sure they really existed. I think people do that in different ways, in different media, with different coping mechanisms, when they feel the self they thought they were, disappearing. Or maybe they feel themselves disappearing before they ever even became the person that they thought they would be.

It's not pretty, to feel yourself slipping away, and to wonder if you can stop it. Or worse, to not wonder, but to just let it continue because you're not sure what you would be doing if you weren't doing what you were currently doing. Or you're not sure if you have the strength or motivation to just stop and see what happens.

Or on some days, just feel sheer panic and not know what it is. Or on many nights, have nightmares you don't think you'll ever wake up from.

But now I'm sure I'm there. Here. Wherever. Not disappearing. Reappeared, reappearing. Whatever. And now I'm free to make things on whatever schedule feels most natural for me. And to do the things that I know feel right, in many cases because parts of me have been telling me to do them, consistently, for a long time. And to not do other things. For many reasons.

So here I am. If you are also here, feel free to say hello. If you are worried that you are not here, or are slowly disappearing, you should also feel free to say hello. And whatever else. People will recognize. People will realize. There are ways to reappear. There really are.

abraxas

2007-08-28T01:40:00.000-04:00

Dictionary.com often adds nuances you've never detected before. Or takes you back to a more visceral experience of the word. Thesaurus.com can be fun on occasion as well.

1. chiffon

2. perdu

3. emergent

4. unfurled

5. appetent

6. succulent

7. lissome

8. raven

9. prone

10. ingress

11. expansive

12. taut

13. wanton

14. subjacent

15. luxuriant

16. rapturous

17. empyreal

18. illimitable

19. edenic

20. somnolence

21. ambrosial

Vonnegut said it memorably, but I can't recall the words, exactly.

2007-08-18T02:34:00.000-04:00

My bus
Nights before days that don't harbor obligations are gifts from me to me. That I need not answer the phone tomorrow means tonight my mind can wander. Tonight I may write.

The ride home is mine; I entreat the images to arrive. More to be said--the longing for bed as sanctuary. The longing for the lack of obligation to words. I write as a medium but first comes the silence.

*****

My desk
I can't find my copy of Galapagos. I can't find my copy of Galapagos and I need it in my hands. I am about to write something. This something was to start with a quote. The quote was to come from Galapagos. I don't know which sentences I was to choose, exactly, but I would know them when I found them. Vonnegut explained an idea, an idea which has stuck with me in the decade since I first read the book, and I wanted to begin there. I wanted to begin with his words.

*****

My fantastical
In the twenty-fourth hour of the three-hundred-sixty-fifth day, the darkness is as velvet as the sea, and the tide provides the bass to heartbeats, breath, and gentle moan. We've left the light on in the room, fluffy gauzy bed untouched, and as glow meets glass meets night, I imagine I can see the southern heat. The heat is visible and the heat is a blanket and the heat is ice, compared to you. Sand a shifting mattress, stars a swirl of ceiling fan, our universe of two-now-one only heightened by the sounds of distant revelers, unawares and uninvited to the only midnight-marking I care or wish or intend to attend. Make me yours: I whisper, and explode.

Please come see my play!

2007-08-06T13:44:00.000-04:00

Please please please! :) And pleeeease purchase your tickets in advance so we can feel good and know you're coming. That would make us really really happy. Seriously. There is nothing that would make us more happy right now than to know that people are actually coming to our first show. (Or barring that, if you're booked that night, ANY show.) Seriously seriously seriously.

(But statistically speaking, and I am speaking from a staff p.o.v. right now, shows the last weekend of the festival will likely be sold out if you try to buy tix at the door. So especially if you are planning to come the 23rd, 24th, or 25th, I'd recommend advance ticketing.)

The Boy on the Other Side of the World
at the Linhart Theater @ 440 Studios
440 Lafayette Street

Wed 8/15 @9pm... opening night! COME OPENING NIGHT! YES!
Sun 8/19 @ 4:30pm...
Thu 8/23 @ 4:45pm... sneak out of work early and come to the show!
Fri 8/24 @ 9:45pm...
Sat 8/25 @2pm...

You can purchase tickets...

on the internet
by going to www.fringenyc.org

by phone
9am-7pm (NYC time) inside NY: 212.279.4488. outside NY: 1.888.FringeNYC

in person @ FringeCentral
80 Carmine Street (at the corner of Varick Street)
Daily Noon til 8pm

(If you come in person, and you're super-lucky, I may even be the manager on duty. Woo-hooo! And you can visit me! Woooo-hooooooo! And I'll be super-perky because I have declared that fudge is an acceptable breakfast food. YUM!)

All of these options are up until 24 hours before showtime. But if it's same day, then tickets will only be available at the door, cash only. As you can probably expect, you can find me there at every show. Hope to see you!

Gmail chat: when I'm deliriously exhausted and Casey is drunk.

2007-08-04T21:29:00.000-04:00

Casey: How's the play?
Jill: Play is coming along. Honestly my brain is melted and I'd rather pretend for the next 36 hours that there is no play.
Casey: Ok. Let's pretend there is whiskey in my freezer.
Jill: Oh, yes! Let's.
Casey: Let's pretend I'm going to sit here and get shithammered.
Jill: Ok, cool. Let's pretend I am going to take a hot shower and actually get some sleep tonight.
Casey: Wuss.
Jill: And then tomorrow, I'm going to wake up late, go to the art supply store, and re-fit some reeeeally cool t-shirts I picked up for like $8 each.
Casey: Cool. I think I'm going to buy some and stamp them with an old big ring off an XT crank I have. A bike sprocket
Jill: that actually sounds cool. Are you mocking me?
Casey: No. I had the idea a while back. Anyone who mountain bikes would get it. No one else will.
Jill: No, I understand it.
Casey: I mean the details.
Jill: I just didn't think YOU would actually do such fashion-craft.
Casey: It's like The Matrix. Everyone gets it, but those who have read Baudrillard REALLY get it. Anyone looking at the T would say, "Hey, bike parts! YAY!" A MTBer would go, "Fuck yeah." Then we would do the secret handshake and sacrifice some beer. It's all about the type IV pastiche. Well, type III-ish as well. The aspects of distortion are very quantum.
Jill: I see. I like how you are getting all philosophical about post-post-modern craft projects.
Casey: Why shouldn't you? At this point in history, a lack of skepticism just means you are not paying attention. A lack of sense of beauty inside the bullshit means you're too far gone I credit those last two statements to Wild Turkey 101. Quote it, bitch.
Jill: I will. Nice work. Applause to the Wild Turkey.
Casey: Yes. All hail Austin Nichols and this wonderful addition to humanity.

my queendom for a cool breeze.

2007-08-01T23:34:00.000-04:00

look.

who.

else.

is.

back.

announcement of auction

2007-07-30T08:39:00.001-04:00

Hair and boobs.
To the most creative bidder.
I've lost my patience with them.
Keep an eye on your RSS feeds; the hips are probably coming next.

/\

2007-07-28T11:32:00.000-04:00

"...well in order to fully develop the characters, i think there should be just one unicorn, and the ninja and pirate have to ride together and are always arguing over who rides shotgun, and every time the pirate dismounts, he leaves a mess of pirate filth on the pure white stallion, who then has to concentrate super hard to make a rainbow, which he then bathes in to clean himself of the pirate grime. but the ninja can't clean his uniform in the rainbow, cause the rainbow turns his swords into sunflower stems and his throwing stars into petunia blossoms..."

brandon is writing again. and the above insanity is just an excerpt from the comments.

I like writing.

2007-07-26T09:18:00.000-04:00

I might have mentioned that. I also like other things. Like photography. And painting. And improvised crafty projects.

I think what I really like is the sensation of immersion, the loss of the concept of time passage, the detours of imagination.

My mind becomes resistant when it detects a swelling of time-oriented, tangible tasks that keep it away from making something new. Even if those tasks are related to something else I've made, ya know? I think my mind just yearns for the process of creation.