JILLY OF ALL TRADES

Ermahgerd itsth erberla!!

2014-10-16T22:01:00.002-06:00

I my depraved, sleep deprived state I made a meme for my friend who kept telling me she had ebola every time she sneezed today. Here is Stina's prezzie I made her. Hopefully I am not the only person that can make light of a media frenzy overload and drama friend. I had to make this face to try and figure out how to type and the whole time Stina was talking away to her BF on the phone ignoring my display. BWAHAHAHAHA. I guess I should have snapped a selfie of my "ermahgerd" face.

Ermahgerd, sick twisted nurse style.

Lasagna Pinwheels. YUM.

2014-10-13T20:17:00.001-06:00

This is hands down the best way to make lasagna. Less mess, easy fast and individualized portions. Hellz YEAH. Message me if you want recipes. I make my own. Basically apply cheese, apply sauce to cooked noodles, and roll it on up. Make sure to spoon sauce down the sides of the dish to keep the noodles soft and from sticking. BOO YAH!

Disney's Frozen Movie Birthday Cakes and Favors

2014-09-20T21:40:00.003-06:00

Two Styles of cakes. Ice mountain and Elsa doll. Cupcake Dress.

Barely decorated doll cake

Finished doll

Ice Cupcake. Candy glass and sugar coated icing.

Sophie and her Elsa crown favor and doll cake.

Elsa crown made from floral pearl stem, craft paper, buttons, rhinestones, ribbon and glitter glue.

Maggot Wound Cupcakes- Nursing Week 2014

2014-05-07T22:38:00.004-06:00

Nursing week bake off entry 2014!! "Got maggots?"

And last year's Dexter Cupcakes.

How Do I Use This Thing?

2013-08-25T00:34:00.002-06:00

It has been so long since I blogged I have forgotten how to use this thing. I am divorced now. I reposted my last blog post, which I was asked to take down by my ex husband. He no longer owns me. I have chosen to repost my feelings at that time. I am ready to move forward and write a new story, and add to it daily. I took a year off from responsibility toward others and made responsibility toward myself and children my priority. I have chosen to go back to school and am driving myself and friends nuts with my relearning how to learn. I have finally found some light and have been getting back into things I love. Hiking, crafting, learning and just plain having fun. I have a lot of work to do to get back to me but it has been a great journey and one I am excited about. YAY ME!!!

Love,
Jilly

My Nursing Theory paper. Nurturing our Young.

2013-08-25T00:19:00.002-06:00

Nurturing Our Young

Jill Brogdon, R.N.

Submitted to Dr. Linda Campbell in partial fulfillment of

NR601 Theoretical Frameworks

Regis University

24Aug2013

The purpose of this paper is to examine lateral violence (LV) among nurses, how this hostility from LV effects the nursing profession, how LV effects our patient care, and to explore solutions to this phenomenon. I would like to explore the option of nurturing, rather than berating our new colleagues in nursing. As a nursing student and a new nurse I often heard the phrase “nurses tend to eat their young.” I pondered on this for a short time before I became painfully aware of the meaning of this phrase, over and over, in my career. As a veteran nurse, and charge nurse, I face this on a personal level and with my staff. Even as a leader on my floor I experience LV from a some of my peers. Early on in my career I made a vow to treat my fellow nurse, as I would like them to treat me, and how they would most likely want to be treated. I enrolled in a program through the University of Colorado Health Science Center, where I was assigned to nursing students finishing up their senior clinical, to be their mentor and preceptor. Through this clinical experience and my experience as a charge nurse I have gained insight into the phenomenon of LV, and far too many examples of how it affects my profession.

I discovered the term lateral violence (LV), while researching, and found the best definition of lateral violence from Kweykway Consulting, “Lateral Violence occurs within marginalized groups where members strike out at each other as a result of being oppressed. The oppressed become the oppressors of themselves and each other. Common [behaviors] that prevent positive change from occurring include gossiping, bullying, finger-pointing, backstabbing and shunning.” LV is expressed amongst nurses that are at the same hierarchical level. LV may be overt, intentional aggression or covert, non-intentional aggression. Covert aggression may be more detrimental than overt aggression because hostility may be perceived though body language and facial expressions of the aggressor, which would otherwise not be expressed. A person who exhibits covert behaviors may not even know they are being perceived as being aggressive (Sheridan-Leos, 2008, p. 1)

By the definition provided by Kweykway Consulting (Findlay, 2013,) LV stems from oppression of a group of people. In the nursing profession oppression occurs for several proposed reasons, such as, being a mostly female profession, being victims of aggression from more domineering and power seeking administration, and being victims of aggression from doctors who may think they are more powerful and knowledgeable than nurses. People in more dominant and more powerful roles, see the attributes that make nursing a unique and caring profession as being weakness and an open avenue for treating nurses as less than equal to themselves. With feeling power over nurses, these more dominant people may act aggressively and cruelly toward the nurse. The nurse that is being attacked then internalizes this aggression leading to submissive-aggressive syndrome. Submissive aggressive syndrome is defined as “nurses feel they have lost their power (submissiveness), and react by overpowering others through aggressiveness” (Sheridan-Leos, p 1.)

The less experienced, new-graduate nurse may take the LV against themselves and redirect hostility toward the less powerful patient, which creates a situation that could impact a patients healing, mental and spiritual wellbeing, as well as, their relationships with other around them. An example of this would be when a physician behaves aggressively toward a seasoned nurse, she then acts out in LV toward a new nurse, who then acts out with aggression toward a patient, who may then act aggressively toward his or her family. This chain of hostility has a negative impact on the whole perception of health care and must be addressed in order to maintain nurse retention, nursing job satisfaction and patient satisfaction. Many federal and state funding programs rely on data from patient satisfaction to allocate funding to facilities. The facility I work at has had cuts in reimbursement from Medicaid, due to patient satisfaction scores, which has led to some staff reductions. The LV phenomenon can be solved by teaching nurses to respect themselves and their peers, and by giving them tools to channel their feelings of oppression. With these tools, nurses can gain a sense of pride and power in their profession, which will also lead to an increase in patient satisfaction and job security. LV can be lessened or avoided by giving nurses the tools they need to feel valued and find genuine value in their interactions with peers.

Inclinations toward nurse on nurse aggression can be addressed and corrected by adopting differing ways of thinking and knowing, in order to change one’s perspective on why they may be feeling and acting aggressively. I believe aggression can be diffused by changing thought patterns in prospective with one’s perceived or actual problem. Problem solving by being able to think about solutions and know how one’s actions affect other people is a monumentally necessary skill needed to avoid LV.

Predictive thinking is useful in redirecting aggressive feelings and thoughts by introducing consequence and reward associated with the act of being aggressive. For instance, thinking “if I belittle Jenny, then I may have a negative peer evaluation from her, which may lead to me not getting a raise.” This ability to foresee consequence from action makes it easier to redirect negative thoughts and feelings. The act of being more cognizant and predictive of how a behavior influences an outcome, allows for more control and intention when interacting with peers.

Reflective thinking can be introduced as a tool for an aggressive nurse, which allows her to personally evaluate her interactions with others. Reflective thinking incorporates self-talk and can involve speaking to one’s self in a mirror. By speaking in front of a mirror to one’s self, an aggressive nurse may evaluate how her speech patterns and body language may come across to the person on the receiving end. She can see her body language as she speaks to herself, and practice body language that may portray more kindness and sincerity. She can also practice speaking to herself with more kind words, which will most likely give her a better sense of self-worth. Through this self-reflection, a nurse who comes across with aggressiveness can learn to speak with greater kindness and sincerity when interacting with younger, less experienced peers, which will in turn, give them more confidence in their practice. The less experienced nurse will not be the receptor for LV and will be less likely to adopt LV behaviors in their interactions with peers. An article by Curtis Baker (2012) discusses how the behaviors of LV are learned and passed on from generation to generation amongst nurses. We, as nurses, are teaching our young to “eat their young.”

Thinking creatively is a great way to explore alternatives to aggression, in which all parties involved in an interaction can benefit. The best example I have of creative thinking that solved a potential aggressive problem is from when I was a new graduate nurse. I was paired with a veteran nurse, who was also a veteran American soldier, to train me on the night shift. It became apparent to me right away that he was not terribly pleased to train me. He went out of his way to ask me questions that he felt I should know about orthopedic nursing, but did not yet have the answer to. He was quite aggressive in his speech and body language. My previous trainer had not given me the tools to answer his questions, so I asked him to pretend like I was a blank slate and to please share with me all of the tools he had to be a such great orthopedic nurse. By giving him the permission to share his wealth of knowledge and help mold me into his vision of a competent orthopedic nurse, we forged a fantastic working relationship. To this day I credit him with teaching me to be the nurse I am, and take pride in being.

Knowledge of and practice of Carper’s ethical way of knowing is very useful when trying to resolve tendencies toward LV. Ethical knowing incorporates being aware of moral and ethical considerations when interacting with other people. Using ethical thinking when making choices about one’s actions toward others will add an aspect of morality that will be more likely to divert negative tendencies, and steer one toward empathetic and positive interactions with peers. Implementing ethical knowledge allows a nurse to ask herself “is this behavior right?” or “is this the responsible way to act?” (Carper, 1978.) Having the skill of ethical knowing allows a nurse to step outside of her immediate negative situation and be able to make responsible choices when interacting with peers and patients. Peers and patients that are treated with kindness and respect tend to be less irritating, which would lead an aggressor to wish to treat them more kindly. LV and aggression are a vicious cycle that can be broken. I would like to challenge all nurses to adopt ethical thinking in order to bring harmony to our profession.

Carper’s aesthetic knowing allows a nurse to explore questions, such as, “what does this mean and how is it significant?” Having aesthetical knowledge about a moment in time allows a nurse to take into perspective, the unique qualities and gifts a particular peer or patient has to offer. Even a less than ideal encounter can have many positive lessons associated with it. Aesthetic knowledge allows a nurse to make appropriate decisions on interacting with peers and helps her to derive positive interventions that are unique to her patient. If everyone in a relationship appreciates the value of the interaction, there will be less inclination to turn to hostility. (Carper, 1978)

Jean Watson is a nursing theorist who has a grand theory revolving around caring. This theory is not particularly useful to solve smaller problems in nursing but is monumentally useful in attempting to solve LV. Jean Watson is the nursing theorist in which the facility I work for has adopted in our mission toward magnate status. Jean Watson has ten caritas that she proposes to create a Science of Caring. The caritas in the Science of Caring are a set of rules that incorporate many ideas, which are useful in solving the phenomenon of LV. The caritas are as follows.

1. Embrace altruistic values and Practice loving kindness with self and others.

2. Instill faith and hope and honor others.

3. Be sensitive to self and others by nurturing individual beliefs and practices.

4. Develop helping – trusting-- caring relationships.

5. Promote and accept positive and negative feelings as you authentically listen to another’s story.

6. Use creative scientific problem--solving methods for caring decision making.

7. Share teaching and learning that addresses the individual needs and comprehension styles.

8. Create a healing environment for the physical and spiritual self, which respects human dignity.

9. Assist with basic physical, emotional, and spiritual human needs.

10. Open to mystery and Allow miracles to enter.

I have a great respect for Jean Watson and believe that adopting these caritas into our nursing practice brings us a wealth of tools to maintain the nursing profession as a caring and loving profession while preserving love and dignity. She teaches a nurse to value each individual and to look for positive aspects in each situation. Using the caritas in interacting with others is the greatest tool in avoiding LV.

In conclusion I believe that all nursing facilities should develop or offer a course, which gives their staff members tools to handle feelings of hostility and to redirect LV. The tools provided in this paper are exceptional tools that can be used to construct a harmonious and nurturing environment in the workplace. Predictive thinking allows a nurse to foresee consequences and rewards of actions, pushing them to strive toward actions with more rewarding outcomes. Reflective thinking teaches the nurse to be able to self evaluate their interactions with peers and patients. Creative thinking is a tool that can be used to explore solutions to a problem that incorporates each participant’s needs and values in to the solution. Ethical knowing provides moral and ethical ways of evaluating a situation and with these values a nurse is more likely to choose and kind and patient way to interact with patient and peers. Training in aesthetic knowing teaches the nurse to be able to creatively come up with ways to interact with peers and ways to develop interventions that provide a unique experience that is mutually beneficial to all involved.

Jean Watson’s theory incorporates all of these ways of thinking and ways of knowing in a caring science that explores, in depth ways to care about those around us. A positive outcome from writing this paper is that I feel inclined to take these tools and help create a course, which teaches these ideas to new nurses and seasoned nurses. Everyone deserves to be able to work in a place devoid of hostility, where they can truly care for one another and care for the outcomes and well being of their patients. Through nurturing our young, we can help them grow and learn to grow in a more positive way.

References

Baker, C. (2012). Nurses eating their young: are we teaching students more than nursing skills?. Oklahoma Nurse, 57(1), 9.—

Campbell, L. (2011.) The Ways of Thinking. (PowerPoint Presentation.) Denver: Regis University.

Carper, B. (1978). The Ways Of Knowing. (PowerPoint Presentation.) Denver: Regis University.

Findlay, Denise (2013) Lateral violence in First Nations Communities. Retrieved from http://www.kweykway.ca/lateral-violence-in-first-nations-communities

Parker, M. E., & Smith, M. C. (2010). Nursing theories & nursing practice (3^rd ed.). Philadelphia: Davis.

Sheridan-Leos, N. (2008). Understanding Lateral Violence in Nursing. Clinical Journal Of Oncology Nursing, 12(3), 399-403. doi:10.1188/08.CJON.399- 403

The Writers at Inova Health, (2007.) Dr. Jean Watson’s Human Caring Theory: Ten Caritas Factors, retrieved from http://watsoncaringscience.org/images/features/library/Watson10_caritas%20fact ors%20colored%20list.pdf

Not So Titanic Love Story

2012-04-13T17:14:00.001-06:00

The movie, awe the amazing, scary and powerfully moving movie. I just returned from seeing Titanic in 3D with my friend, Ann. If it was horrifying, scary and beautiful in 2D it was 10 times so in 3D. Second 3D movie that I really liked and lo and behold it was the same director for both, James Cameron. Why I chose this movie is a mystery as I am feeling so very much like the Titanic right here, right now, as I type. I feel so full of grief and loss that I could burst, I could just rip in half I sink in the depths of the despair I am feeling creeping all around me. It is the dark place looming to take me in and take out my light. I have been here before so this is a familiar place. Though, not a place I ever wanted see or feel again. I never dreamed I ever would be here. I have worked so hard to fight and live my life in the light.

"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets." ~Rose Dawson, Titanic

Yes, yes it is. 8 years, 2 months, 11 day, 2 hours, 58 minutes ago I met the man I wanted to open up this ocean to. I prepared for that day in a oh so unromantic way. I lied to him and told him I could only meet him for a half hour, for coffee, and somewhere 15 miles from my house. Why would I do such a thing? Well I didn't know him and it was time for the Super Bowl. Reasonable, right?

I went to Starbucks to meet my blind date, and I was armed with an perfectly laid out escape plan that was created out of necessity of needing one with prior blind dates. I had escaped before and was becoming a pro. As I was mixed with a bit of anxiety, a bit of annoyed, a bit of "hurry the hell up, don't you know it is the Super Bowl?", and some eager anticipation. . .Oh hell, he didn't show up. Not at first, at least. I was ready to leave and he was at the wrong Starbucks.

When he showed up he had a red rose and a coyly tied around it's stem was a teeny, tiny bag of Jelly Bellies. He said it was because I was a Jillybean. How cute and sweet. . .I decided to stay. We began talking and my half hour limit passed. We talked until the store closed, which I believe was 6 hours. I missed the Super Bowl, FOR A BOY! The world stopped, time stood still. A BOY made me miss the Super Bowl, and I was okay with that.

After about a week or so we went out again and then became inseparable after that. Like Jack Dawson he saved me once when I wanted to jump. He literally picked me up and lifted me up. He loved me then. I believe he used to look into my eyes and he wanted to write a story with me. We began writing our story that day of that Super Bowl. It was a love story. We had adventures together. We rode horses in the surf. We rode roller coasters over and over until we puked. (well he puked, and I laughed because I love the rush of roller coasters.) We drank beer and we drank in life. Together. We did all kinds of things and we held hands while we did it. We had a fairytale wedding. We made beautiful children together. The kind of children that make you want to get out of bed in the morning even when you would rather sleep in. We made a lovely little home for those children to grow in. Loving details were put into that home. Our home, our love nest. It was even written into the walls of that home "Darrell and Jill's Love Nest." It is there under the layers of plaster and paint, where someone else now lives.

Somewhere along the way we began writing different stories. His a story of pursuit of wealth and countless hours of a strive toward wealth. A story where a bunch of old men are his brothers and I am a stranger. Me, realizing my wealth is right in front of me and wanting desperately to keep it and share it together. Me not being strong enough to express my needs and hence traveling the road to losing my light. He not being wise enough to see that I need him and I love him enough to cast my needs aside to pursue his dreams at all cost.

Gone are the days of adventure and fun. Gone are the days of looking into each others eyes and hearts with hope and dreams. Gone are the days of building a home.

I don't remember what it is like to have him look at me with love. Most days I feel like he wouldn't love me if I had an Apple logo stamped on my head. The rat race of life and the relentless strive toward wealth and my desires to live life now in the present, instead of a future that is always out of reach, have clouded our love.

We are two separate islands, worlds apart. Enslaved by mechanical devices. He is married to a Macbook and I am buried alive, in my sadness, living my fantasy life through stupid games and vicariously through others who still look into their lovers eyes. Facebook has become my substitute life. We broke up yesterday. Facebook and I. My love and I.

We are broken apart.

We are sinking, like Titanic. There may not be a glue strong enough to hold this. Is there? Is love strong enough to heal the broken spirit. . .the broken dreams. . .the darkness that runs thickly between us? Does he love me still like I love him? If he does, I can't feel it. . . I don't see it. It too is buried.

All I can do now is get down on my knees and pray, and pray, and pray. I have to give this to God because I am breaking inside. Suffering. Drowning. Sinking. In need of being lifted up. I used to think there was no force in this world that could tear us apart, now I cling to the tiniest shred of hope I have left that we can hold it together.

I may not want to put one foot in front of the other but like Rose I must promise to never let go. I must not let go for this. . .

and this. . .

. . .and this. . .

. . . and even this. . .

My MFing Souffle

2012-04-07T22:25:00.000-06:00

This is kind of all about an inside joke involving my sisters and the following photo. I stole this pic off pinterest and take no credit for it what so ever.

I need to make a note of how I did this Easter Souffle experiment in case it is really good. I have never made a souffle before and I like to challenge myself. This particular challenge is of interest because I was always blamed when my moms souffles defluffed. I am not the type to blame a ruined dish on a child but just for safe measure I locked them up while I made it. (Just Joking, no need to call the cops.) They were free to prance and sink my souffle, if in fact, that is how souffles are really ruined. It turned out really pretty. We will not get to eat it until the morning but I suspect it will be excellent. I followed this recipe, mostly. I look at recipes as guidelines rather than rules, and therefore, must make notes if I ever expect to make the same thing again.

This is before impending ruined-ness

How I made it different?

Added one pound of chopped asparagus, 1/2 cup of chopped green onions. 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper and a halved and sliced yellow squash. I sauteed them in the butter from this recipe. I used swiss cheese instead of cheddar. I know this was ballsy since I have no idea how to make a souffle but I couldn't find a recipe to use my asparagus and it needed to be used. Even if I could find it I wouldn't have followed it anyway. That is how I roll. Whether or not it is ruined, well, I guess I wouldn't know that either, since I am not really sure what it is supposed to be like. HAHAHAHA!!

It looks pretty damned good if you ask me. Since Alton Brown is my favorite chef type, I think it will RULE!

P.S.

My children are so artistic. They made these with Crampa. Grandma Diane claims dish soap made the marbling effect. I can not claim this to be the case since I was not there.

Butts

2012-01-14T15:08:00.001-07:00

Me: Flynn you have a lil peanut butt.
Flynn: No, you have a peanut butt.
Me: You are the only one with a peanut butt.
Flynn: What kind of butt does Sophie have?
Me: More like an almond or a walnut. I have the biggest nut butt. Like a brazil nut.
Flynn: I think daddy has a donut butt.
Me. Still can't stop laughing. Bwahahaha.

Fairy Snow Globe Bases

2012-01-09T08:34:00.001-07:00

I am just putting these on here because I had a few questions about them from people. I do not have any final pictures available presently. My phone was broken and I used my husbands Android to take the final pics. They are still on there and I may never get them back.

Upside Down Fairy waiting for water. This is a smooth sided Mason Jar from Michaels.

This one had a shorter jar. She looks kind of weird here but it is really cute in the jar.

This is my daughters and I will take a final pic.

These are just the jar lids prior to adding them to the jars with water. Some things I did. I filled the jars with about half a bottle of glitter, from Hobby Lobby, and then almost to the top with distilled water. I put 1-2 TBSP glycerin in them. I glued every thing with super glue. One of the jars was leaking slightly and I put a layer of hot glue all around the edges to seal it up and it stopped leaking. The "jewels" I got on clearance in the Christmas stuff. Green things are fish tank rocks. The flowers and pearly things are in the wedding bouquet section. The flowers are waterproof plastic ones. The fairies are in the kids craft section at Michaels.

My Day Out

2012-01-08T01:22:00.001-07:00

These don't happen very often any more. I have high hopes for these times and today had good points and the obligatory bad.

The good. I got to see my best friend for a while. This is also quite rare these days. We planned to go to Melting Pot and to a friends birthday. At 1 P.M. it started to snow. We decided to go to Melting Pot early due to the snow. We decided to go so early so figured who goes to MP at 4 P.M. and did not reserve? Apparently everyone. It was packed and we had to sit in the lounge with no raw meat, as they do not have burners in the lounge. I wanted to shout out a big, loud F-U!!! The one place in the world I can let my Vampire/Werewolf tendencies shine because I cook the beast my self. Singe the bugs off and chow. I am not afraid to die from beef bugs. It is my inner cave girl, I guess. All in all, we cheesed out and got our chocolate on. It was pleasant despite our slightly challenged waiter. The snow got bad and we cancelled going to the party and decided to bring our "fun" closer to home. Playing it safe and went shopping. We were home by 7. We are wild beasts.

We shopped, or rather, I shopped and J.J. window shopped. I realized as we were shopping that I have become fat, complacent and boring. It was rough and real. I am bored. I don't do anything I thought I would be doing. Don't travel. Don't have a store. Don't go out with my husband. He can barely be near me anymore. I rarely go out with my friends. Welcome to my pity party. Sometimes I just have to be real.

I came home hoping that maybe since the kids are at my grandma's that D would want to hang out. He was, as usual up to eyeballs in computers stuff, with no end in sight, as I could see it. My dad always sadly says "I hope you didn't marry your dad." Well I am afraid I have. After two hours I realized if I wanted to do anything, it would be with me. I am my new best friend.

I got all gussied up in my most "people of Walmart" ensemble and took my own ass to a movie. I wore a Hello Kitty Sweatshirt, which Charlize Theron thinks adult wearing Hello Kitty ensembles are lame-os. You got it jokeass, I am lame. I date myself on Saturday nights with no kids. Along with the kitty I added a black cardigan over the sweat shirt because I was freezing ass cold, some pink and red candycanish striped socks, jeans, and Sketcher shape up maryjanes. It was dead sexy. I grabbed the trash D reluctantly packed up for me and I took off for my dream date of sitting alone and trying not to bawl.

Got to dumpster and proceeded to throw my keys in with the trash. There is 4 inches of snow on said dumpster wall and the lock is frozen shut. I had to get a cooler from the garage as a stool because there is no way I was asking grumpy pants to help. I scaled the dumpster walls in my Kitty finest and dug though garbage for my keys. Thankfully they were on the top layer of putrescence, so I was mostly unscathed. I did some sweet, crippled ninja moves to get out and pouted off on my way to my solo festivities.

Get to the movie and manage to break my goal and cry twice during the previews because fucking Jack from Titanic loves Rose so much and I am all alone. Asshat!. Then there is a preview for some stupid Nicholas Sparks movie, whose only purpose in life is to make grown-ass people cry. Not cool. I hate that guy. Can't you just write something not ridiculous for once? NICE! I HATE YOU! Needed that.

The movie starts and I realize I smell like garbage and have a raging headache. I dig in my purse for my Advil stash and pop 4 Advil before realizing one didn't look like Advil. It was the emergency Xanax. So not only do I have my stink on, and I am sitting alone, but I just drugged myself. As a nurse I know never to mix meds in bottles but I tend to break rules. I like to push the envelope.

I made it through New Years Day, half stoned, which only served to remind me that I never do anything fun and that not even my son would kiss me on New Years Eve. The only half good part was that Rachel from Glee was in it but she is one of my least favorite characters in that show. I am pathetic, and I need a hug and my husband won't talk to me and I am pretty sure he purposely picked the show, when I got home, that I would least like to suffer through, so I would come to the couch and puke out my proverbial woes onto this blog. BLECH!!!! So there you have it. My day out.

P.S. I did take a bath after dumster diving, using the only Farm Hussy bath melt my kids did not gluttonize in there bath bomb palooza a few weeks ago. In case you are wondering, the oil slick that is my kids, is drying up and is no longer in the running for alternative fuel sources. At least I smell like apples now. Good night. I am dialing my whambulance as I type. Pretty sure the Xanax is making me delirious. Since no one reads my blog I am pretty safely thinking my misery won't have company.

Fuck off day and may the sun shine on a happier me tomorrow.

Octopus Amigurumi Instructions

2012-01-06T00:46:00.000-07:00

Pinky Puss is done. Don't you want one too?

I wrote this tonight for a lady on Pinterest. I am actually going to make it and post a photo, because it is really cute. One of my super powers is writing patterns from pictures. Rather than steal the picture that I wrote it from, I will make my own.

All Amigurumi is based off of the same idea. You basically just crochet in a circle while increasing each round until you get to the circumference you want, then stitch without increasing until you get the depth you want and then decrease until it almost closes. Stuff it and finish it off.

Start the first ring using this technique with 6 single crochet (SC) stitches in the magic ring. http://www.crochetme.com/forums/t/28917.aspx

Place a marker like you would in knitting but use a different color strand of yarn so you can pull it out and place it on the next round. This just helps to keep track of the rounds.

Round 1- crochet 2 SC in each stitch. Pull marker and place it next to last stitch.

Round 2- 2 SC in next stitch, then 1 SC in next stitch then repeat his to the marker and place marker next to the last stitch.

Round 3- 2 SC in the next stitch, SC in the next 2 stitches and repeat to marker. Move the marker.

Round 4- 2 SC in the next stitch, SC in the next 3 stitches and repeat to marker. Move the marker.

Round 5- 2 SC in next stitch, SC in the next 4 stitches and repeat to marker.

Move the marker.

Round 6-10. Do single crochet in each stitch, while moving the marker each round.

Now you work backwards.

Round 11- SC 2 stitches together and SC in the next 4 stitches, repeat to the marker. Move the marker.

Round 12- SC 2 stitches together and SC in the next 3 stitches, repeat to the marker. Move the marker.

Round 13- SC 2 stitches together and SC in the next 2 stitches, repeat to the marker. Move the marker.

Round 14- SC 2 stitches together and SC in the next stitch, repeat to the marker. Move the marker.

Round 15- SC 2 stitches together, repeat to the marker. Cut about 8 inches of yarn and use a yarn needle to pull the tail through each remaining SC stitch after you stuff the head with polyfil.

Tie the yarn in a knot and weave part of the tail of the yarn into the pattern to secure it.

Legs times eight-

Crochet about ten inches of single crochet. Do 2 double crochet in the chain 3 from the hook. Do 3 DC in each SC on the rest of the chain. Sew each leg to the head with the yarn needle and secure them with a know and weave in ends.

Use worsted weight with an H hook. You can just glue googly eyes with a glue gun. Sometimes I use buttons and sometimes I crochet eyes, if it is for a baby.

Tie Dyed Crafty Brogdons

2012-01-05T21:40:00.001-07:00

We just made five, well, actually four tie dyes. Flynn decided he wanted his all blue. LOL. I live to please, so we have four tie dyes and a blue shirt. I got this tie dye kit for $5 at Hobby Lobby on clearance today while I was shopping for Christmas stuff on clearance. HIP HIP HOORAY, a means to gigantic, ridiculously fun mess. My favorite recipe.

It was marked down because it was missing the green dye. Um hello, Hobby Lobby, yellow and blue make green, dudes.

Here are the pics of our messy fun. I will try to remember to add more when we sport our wares.

All of the wares hanging loose to dry. Notice the plain blue "tie dye". LMAO

My Pretty

Sophie's Pretty. Hers is a light pink shirt with red and purple.

I might give this and the blue and purple one to the twins since Flynn likes monochromatic tie dyes.

This is the above one before the ties are off.

The front one is my pretty.

I liked tie dying so much I dyed my self.

Yay! Tie Dye is fun

Most likely I have die on my face and hair because that is how I roll. I got side tracked by writing a pattern for an Amigurumi octopus for a lady on Pinterest. That is also how I roll. I can post it if anyone is interested. I don't know what gets in to me but I guess I am a little high maintenance or just high-per. :)

SILLY JILLY!

I Slept With A Light Saber. . .

2012-01-03T16:37:00.001-07:00

. . .and it wasn't as exciting as it sounds. For one who is mildly, okay, way obsessed with Star Wars this sounds like a kinky fantasy or something. Let me just relay that my reality was anything but fun or remotely moving, in any way.

I worked 7p-7a last night which puts me into zombie/vampire mode by 0730. I made my usual treck home with one eye open and blaring the radio to keep awake. Get home. Smooch on the babies as they are being herded off to school by the big dood. Throw scrubs in the wash that has preloaded soap and fabric softener to avoid any confusion. Strip (this is the most exciting this story gets.) fall into bed with eyes closed on the way down.

"ZZZZZ-gggerrrr-zzz!!!" This is my lame typed impression of the sound of a toy light saber, click for real sounds, if you live in the stone ages, and do not know of what I speak. I jump up convinced I must be hallucinating and I am pushing buttons on my phone to shut the madness up. I have a light saber app on my phone, which, surprisingly, have not played in a long time. It won't turn off. I look for other sources of this cacophony, and it goes away. OK, back to my 6 hour coma.

"ZZZZZ-gggerrrr-zzz!!!" WHAT THE CRAP? Look again, for there must be an explanation. It turns off again before I can figure it out in my hazy, half alive state. FINALLY, I can sleep.

There is NO doubt in my mind, how this ends.

This time I actually get to sleep. I am plagued with dreams of saber fights the whole damn time but am too exhausted to even give a crap any longer. I know I am just hallucinating at this point. If you have ever worked overnights and tried to live a NORMAL life the rest of the week, you know how this could be possible. I just chock it up to "time to lay off the Wars."

I just got home from picking the chilr'ns up from school and still feel very unrested. I lay on my bed to, I don't know, blog, maybe. "ZZZZZ-gggerrrr-zzz!!!" OK, now I know I am wide awake, dammit. I am more focused and am able to track the sound with a more keen ear. What do I find? My kids light saber, A.K.A my light saber. It actually is mine, technically. Don't even ask. OK? It is behind my bed with just a perfect amount of crap piled on it to activate it when someone lays on the bed. It only stays on for about a minute if someone is not using it. Hence, the turning off fairly quickly. I can only assume that every time I turned in bed. "ZZZZZ-gggerrrr-zzz!!!" THE WHOLE TIME I WAS SLEEPING.

I am leaving it for DH to figure out tonight. With my luck it only happens on my side and he gets to sleep like a baby, with no distractions. This whole set up is like a perfect, accidental design. You can't make this stuff up, people.

I am off to "ZZZZZ-gggerrrr-zzz!!!", I mean work tonight. I hope no one coerces me to The Dark Side.

Love Yoda, I mean Jilly.

P.S. I am not sure there are enough K cups in te galaxy to keep me alive tonight. Vader owes me a drink.

Keurig, My Love, How I Love Thee and Hate Thee

2012-01-02T16:05:00.003-07:00

I got a beautiful, shiny, "top of the line" Keurig Single Cup Brewer, for Christmas. I was proudly told it was the best of the best. It came with 60 "K Cups" to use in it and I got one box of additional cups as a gift. I love the K cups because they really do produce a fabulous and easy cup of coffee. It takes the "brains" out of making coffee, which is a task I do with no brain on a daily basis. My brain does not function well and I can't even see or hear properly, until caffeinated.

I love the plop the cup in and push button part. A complete moron could do it, which suits me in the morning, or often in the afternoon as I work nights. I also love the not having any extra coffee sitting around getting "stenchy." I hate the smell of coffee that has been sitting more than about an hour or so. It is my love and hate relationship with coffee. I love it fresh and hot, I hate it when it sits and stews. It turns from my prince in shining armor to a warty, nasty-buzzard toad. That is how I knew I was pregnant with both of my kids. I barfed when I smelled the stale coffee at work. There is always a pot or two or twelve of varying degrees of rotting coffee on nurse units. Some people probably think I am nuts, YA THINK? That is a given and this is one of my most serious "issues." I really do have a strong aversion to this smell.

Anyhow, I am rambling and being terribly dull so far this year, but I had to speak of My Pretty.

I must go on to say that Keurig has a pretty sweet gig for themselves, though, with the patented K Cup. I was in a bit of sticker shock when I saw that they are $12 regardless of the variety and store you go to. I mean, really? Folgers cost the same as Green Mountain "special as it gets" blend. Regardless of this silliness, it is still far less than Starbucks, who I think are farking evil-assed crooks that must put crack in their coffee. I did notice that Folgers has a knock off K cup, in addition to Keurig patented one. That cracks me up. Buy the knock off for $5 or the K cup for $12. Whatever. Keurig, I love you, and I want to punch you in the nut-sack. Kind of like being married. Mostly I love you. I am happy to have met you on Christmas, but don't be surprised if I think unhappy thoughts about you from time to time.

Now that I cursed the K cup, I can say that I have the reusable filter to use my own coffee with. That kind of takes the fun out of it but will probably make more sense financially. BOO.

No Fat Ass Waffles

2011-12-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

Since it is the time of year for everyone to wanna get the lard off, I invented a really good lower-fat waffle.

Jilly's No Fat Ass Waffles

3 eggs
1-2 TBSP Stevia/Splenda
1 1/4 cup milk 1%
1/2 plain Greek yogurt
1/4 tsp salt
1 TBSP Baking Powder
1 tsp Vanilla

Blend all of this together for a few minutes to make them fluffy. Add in 1-3/4 cups of flour, 1/4 cup at a time until all of the flour is just blended together. Waffle iron the bejeesus out of them in your normal fashion.

Toppings- To keep the fat off. Top with some more yogurt and berries. I bet bananas and walnuts would be good too but I wouldn't know because bananas make me sneeze. Maybe some sugar free syrup. SO good!!!!! You can thank me when ever you wish. XOXOXO

Jilly

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

How To Pick A Gift For A Kid- Ten things Series.

2011-12-29T20:18:00.001-07:00

This is a not so gentle gift selection guide for those of you who do not have kids, had kids and are now senile and forgot what they do to things, or have kids but never bought them jack crap so you just don't know. I would like to dedicate it to the author of People I Wan't To Punch in the Throat, because it is my little slice of her vision.

First Rule: Just buy one thing. MORE IS NOT BETTER. Especially when you buy 30 things from the dollar store. Let me give you a little hint. Thirty pieces of crap most likely get deep sixed within a week of giving, maybe an hour. A half way decent $30 toy may actually live to see the next holiday or birthday. Also, the parents most likely want to play Santa. Stop trying to out do Santa. It is rude!

Second Rule: If the box says appropriate for age seven and up, do not give it to a child that is 3. You are just asking for that business to be ripped and shredded three year old style. It says not appropriate and you should listen. I let my three year old have his way with this stuff, if it will not destroy my life, and then I throw the f'r in the garbage. He is a professional destroyer of things that are not appropriate for his age. If you can't read, don't be forever sad that the gift is landfill fodder.

Third Rule: Do not buy things that have more pieces than the child's age. If you do not know their age, you probably don't need to be buying them anything, any way, so back away and make a mother's day. If you can not read (this goes for rule two, as well) look at the flipping picture on the box. If you don't want to clean that crap up, neither do we. Most children are not emotionally, organizationally and mentally capable to handle things with more pieces than their age. There are some freaky kids out there that are exceptions. Chances are highly likely you do not know any of them. Just don't do it.

Fourth Rule: Just say no to art supplies. No pens, no paint, NO RUBBER STAMPS WITH INK, no clay, no glitter, no sticky "moon clay" or any variants. If it has a chance of sticking to or forever maiming the carpet, back the hell off of it, OKAY? It is not funny to provide the means for urban, toddler, wall art. NOT COOL, NO WAY! Capiche? If a parent is self loathing enough to want their kid to have these things, let them buy them their own damn selves. Then they have no one to blame but themselves. You can save yourself from being envisioned with head on a pike while pissed parents throw rotten fruit at your face. Personal note: I had such a flipping melt down over rubber stamps and ink I don't think anyone will ever dare bring one near me. My $8000 bedroom furniture will never be the same.

P.S. Those things with a million plastic pieces that you iron together are made by the devil. Christmas is for Jesus, leave the devil out of it.

Fifth Rule: Animals that make noise and dance and sing can PISS OFF!! Trust me when I say, if you give something like this, you will be repaid, some day, some way. These are not cute, they are not funny. When you buy this crap, you are opening yourself up to a world of paybacks are a b!tch!.

Sixth Rule: Do not buy clothes other than the size the child wears regardless of how cute you think they are or how cheap they are. It is OK to buy ONE size up for the next season, as it is likely the child will grow in to them in an appropriate amount of time. I refuse to stuff my kid in to an item that looks like a wiener skin on them, and I refuse to store clothes that are 3-4 sizes too big. When you do this, Good Will LOVES you!

Seventh Rule: Listen to the parents. If a parent says do not buy IT, do not buy IT! No exceptions ever, ever, EVER!!

Eighth Rule: Do not buys dolls that look like slut bags. Do you want your child in your life to dress like a dirty, little HO? If you buy dirty ho bags as role models, expect dirty ho bags.

Ninth Rule: This linked to rule one. One nice toy lasts longer than ten junky pieces of crap. When you buy cheap, you get what you pay for. The wheels fall off of the trucks when the three years old bashes them together. Yep, they do. Pay five bucks for one little car that stands a snowballs chance in hell of living, rather than 5 bucks for 5 cars that are pulverized with in minutes.

Tenth Rule: When you can't follow the rules, get a gift card.

Stained Glass Cookies, Peppermint Patties, and Peppermint Bark Hearts

2011-12-19T16:50:00.001-07:00

I made a whole bunch of stuff today. No one in my family really needs anything so i make disposable gifts in the edible and consumable forms. Today I did three and a half projects. The first is Stained Glass Cookies. I used this recipe.

Scottish Shortbread + One Egg

3 1/4 cups of flour
2 1/2 sticks of softened butter
2/3 cup of sugar
1 egg ( I added this to help bind the dough)

Beat together egg, sugar and butter until mixed. Beat in one 1/2 cup of flour at a time until all is mixed in. Roll out and cut big stars and baby stars out of the middle. Smash the hell out of 25 Jolly ranchers still in the package with a hammer. This blows off some steam and I LIKED IT. Put the smashed up candy in the middle of the stars. Bake at 325 degrees for 16 minutes.

Before baking

After baking

Then I made peppermint patties. I used this recipe.

One 14 oz. can of condensed milk
one tablespoon peppermint extract
6 cups of powdered sugar

Mix milk and extract together and then slowly add sugar one cup at a time until the dough is stiffened. I added the last two cups and kneaded it in by hand to avoid killing my mixer. Roll the dough out and use sugar to keep the rolling pin from sticking. I rolled in on wax paper. Cut out the pieces and let them dry a few hours. Turn the pieces half way through drying them.

Melt chocolate in a double boiler with one tablespoon of shortening per 6 ounces of chocolate. Dip the pieces in the chocolate with a fork and place on a cookie sheet. Stick them in the fridge for 20 minutes to set the chocolate. Yum.

Rolled and cut

Waiting to swim in chocolate

Hot mess. I need to clean these up a bit. I am not a good chocolate dunker.

Then I made Peppermint bark with candy canes. I used the mini dollar store candy canes as frames. Melted 16 ounces of White chocolate chips with 2 table spoons of shortening. I very painstakingly spooned it into the candy canes and used a butter knife tip to spread it out. Placed them in the fridge to set while I melted the dark chocolate the same way. I then repeated the process for the dark chocolate and immediately sprinkled crushed candy cane on top. ( I smashed the snot out of the candy canes with the hammer too!!! I placed them in a freezer bag and had at it. LOL.)

Candy Cane Bark

I tried to make Spritz cookies but the dough wouldn't stick to the pan so I need to figure out what to do with it tomorrow. GRRR!! I am exhausted and need Xanax, or something, but I feel like I got a lot done. YAY! If you get these treats and don't like them, DO NOT TELL ME. You may get your azz whooped. Merry Christmas!!

The Week Before Christmas and My Black Cloud Gave to Me

2011-12-19T01:05:00.000-07:00

7 LOUSY SOAPS. The lye calculation was off and they are super smooshy, but they smell really good. Bad part is I have to redo it all for Christmas time gifts, ASAP. I don't want my recipients scorching their flesh off on my wares. I assure you I have no time for this mishap. This is not a welcome event but considering this is my second failed batch ever, I am faring better than my cooking record. I will be fervently striving to reach my outlandishly exorbitant Christmas goals this next seven days.

6 songs where my dad sang out of key. I go to rock n roll church and the musical program was really good today. It was very spiritually moving. I love my daddy to the ends of the Earth but he definitely is tone deaf. When a trained opera singer is doing a solo, sometimes it is best to just listen. XOXOXO, Daddy. LOL. Funny thing is I love it. It works. Another kind of funny happening was a strange girl was signing a song while the rest sang it. I swear I hallucinated that she was Napoleon Dynamite from his high school Happy Hands Club. I couldn't stop and I know it is wrong. Especially in church.

5 Hooouuuuurrrsssss waiting for San-teeeeeeee. We went to Bass Pro for the second time this week to make my children's Santa dreams come true. The first time we were turned away because the passes were all gone. GRRRR!!!!!! It is quite a haul to get there from where I live and I drove two wound up hooligans in RUSH HOUR. When we got there today the stupid, broke down, sad sally elf gave us a "Bass Pass' for 7:30 and this was shortly after 2:00. We filled our five hours with a unplanned $40 dollar movie and bad food at Red Robin Express and this brings me to. . .

4 skiny, stupid fri-ees. Red Robin Express has made a cardinal sin by using nasty, skanky little skinny fries instead of their wonderful, succulent, plump steak fries. I am not a potato connoisseur but the "real Robin fries" are something I actually look forward to once in a while. Why would someone do something so evil? I guarantee that 90% of people that go there are thrown into some degree of a rage fit. Why mess with a good thing such as this? WHY, I ask? What the bloody hell is this world coming to?

3 anti-cathartic hours of TV. The Survivor finale has left me cold. I love my Survivor. Two of my top five faves of all time came back this season and they were both scorned by the evil Sophie. Ozzy and Coach so deserved to pummel that little turd-face. Sophie Angela Brogdon is a princess of Sophies and this girl was the toad. I would like my 3 hours of my life back. For that matter I would like all the hours of the season back. In my heart Ozzy Lusth won and Coach Wade was a close runner up. Screw you Sophie!! Oh and Russell can piss off. I thought he was really funny in his seasons but he treated Little Hantz like complete crap. DEVIL MAN!

2 things that really worry me. My best, most favorite person in the world did two very strange things at church today. It scared me to pieces. My Grammy asked me if a photo on the screen, that looked like a bunch of swirls, reminded me of Elisabeth, my cousins new daughter. She said that it was a baby in a womb. It is very possible I am in severe left brain mode and my creativity gene is inactive today but I saw no resemblance to a baby at all. I tried really hard. Then she gasped and stated "I really hope that woman is ok." I still have no idea what she meant. Everyone was singing and worshiping and their was no evidence of a mishap. She just was hospitalized for a blod clot and I am terrified her health will fail. I am not ready to lose my rock. SO Scary. Please pray for her.

1 stupid Santa Wannabe. We filled part of our five hours of Santa waiting with a Santa movie. We saw Arthur Christmas. Arthur was brilliant but his brother was a jackass named Steve. I am horrible and biased but I don't have a fondness for Steves to begin with. The first boy to do me wrong was a Steve and I barf a little bit just thinking of him. This one in the movie was also a tool and he had a Christmas Tree shaped beard. I wanted to punch him in the nuts. Otherwise this movie is so sweet. I really recommend it. Do not waste money on 3D. I hate 3D but it was the only option. Totally not worth the extra moolah. Save it for ridiculously priced, grease bombed popcorn.

May The Force be with me in the next days of Christmas so I keep my ever loved sani-teeeeee!!

Good Night and God Bless.

Think I am LM but Really I am HM

2011-12-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

From When Harry Met Sally. I am reminded I am one of the worst kind of girls.

I was complaining to my DH about how high maintenance my kids are. I take them to the park at least once a week after school. I take them to the gym once a week after school. I take them to get a special drink at least once a week. We go see every movie there is suitable for kids. We go to every fun place. Still they want more. I just know this has nothing to do with me because I am not high maintenance at all. I am so low maintenance, right? I can't remember ever being this way. How do they get this way?

He gives me this look like, "what the crap woman?" Just as we are driving down Wadsworth and I was telling him I wanted an ICEE. He said we could go to 7-11 (seven-one according to Sophie.)

I said can't we find a place that has ICEEs?

Darrell "What is the difference?"

Me, "7-1 only has Slurpees."

Darrell, "I thought you weren't high maintenance."

Me, in thought only, "Shut up, stupid head." *pout*

Is It NAUGHTY or Nice?

2011-12-05T21:05:00.001-07:00

Flynn that is. Today,I ordered Santa to send him a video congratulating him on being a good boy this year. I think I jinxed myself by doing so.

First off, let's just start with the fact that I let the kids stay home from school today. It was snowing like crazy and freezing arse cold out. I didn't get to see them over the weekend because I had to work nights and Darrell was out of town. I wanted to spend time with them and really didn't feel like freezing to death today.

The combo of the video and the staying home from school brought bad juju my way. Flynn was flat out rotten today. I almost shipped him to Santa. He painted his eyes with mascara and dumped powdered foundation on the coffee table. He climbed my bookshelf and broke it. Crawled behind the recliner and drew a mural on the wall. He got an unfrozen otter pop out of the cupboard and squeezed it through a hole all over the carpet before I could even run over and confiscate it. I am sure I am missing a few hijinks that were thrown in but these are the offenses I can remember in my rage haze.

After all this messin' he was a hot mess. I put him in the bath and he used the cup that I rinse their hair with to dump water all over the floor when I was going to pay for pizza. Pretty sure there was more water on the floor than in the tub. I hope the garage ins't flooded but I refused to look in fear that I would lose it.

I could scream right now but he looks so cute and he is ASLEEP. All those shenanigans tuckered him out. I am just thankful he is alive and well. This feeling of wanting to ring his neck will pass.

Whoever said the twos were terrible has not met the threes. This kid went from perfectly sweet to a damn fool lately.

Chicken Chili That I Won The Cook-off With

2011-12-04T18:11:00.001-07:00

I like to make up recipes and embellish other people's recipes. I recently took a recipe I found on Pinterest and I warped it all up like I tend to do. I made it and the kids and I LOVED it. Darrell looked down his nose at it and refused to try it.

Well poo on him. I made it for the chili cook-off at church and WON! I didn't even know it was a competition. I just brought it to be nice. :) HAHAHA!

Here is my version of it. I don't know how the original is because I use recipes as gentle guidelines rather than rules. I only wrote this up because a whole lot of people asked me for the recipe.

Jilly Beans Chicken Chili

Throw all of this stuff in the crock pot and do not drain the canned foods:

2 frozen chicken breasts whole

10 ounce can original Ro-Tel Tomatoes and Chilis

12 ounce can of tomato sauce

small can of pinto beans

small can of black beans

small can of red beans

12 ounce can of corn

4-5 tablespoons of chili powder (I used 4 regular and one hot from Sprouts. I know this sounds like a ridiculous amount, but I am ridiculous.)

one packet of dry ranch dressing mix

one teaspoon each of salt, pepper and cumin

one 8 ounce package of cream cheese

one chopped jalapeno

one chopped white onion (small to medium size)

one minced garlic clove

Stir it up and cook it over night or all day on low setting. I think it is best when it cooks for 8 hours or more. Stir it occasionally if you can. Just before serving it, take two forks and shred the chicken and stir it up again. We also eat it with Fritos corn chips and that makes it extra yummy. :)

I won an apron and little itty bitty hot pads with chilis on them. They are really cute. My dad took a picture of it on his phone but it is terrible quality and I look like I need to be staked. Nurses that work nights and sleep for 2 hours before going to church events tend to look like vampires.

Bean out!

How To Make Ginger Bread Without Wanting To Jump Off A Roof

2011-12-01T01:13:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, the director of children's services at church sent me an email beckoning me to join the Presbyterian Women (PW) in baking ginger bread panels. They are to make houses with, at our Advent Festival. There was some song-and-dance speech about how it is time for the younger PW to take on some of the responsibility of baking for events. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Don't get me wrong. I love her and church and I do not want to shirk my duties, but I think older PW are more suitable to taking on baking duties for several reasons.

1. They probably don't have a preschooler hanging on their leg, while the other hangs from their neck, while they bake. Baking requires being able to move and breathe for a successful outcome.
2. They probably have worse circulation than a constantly running mom of small children, so they don't mind standing in a blazing hot, baking hell.
3. They are more than likely retired and have more time to bake than a mom with a job, kids in school, after-school activities and 800 hobbies.
4. They probably are more prone to liking baking 36 ginger bread panels. Don't old chicks like baking? My great grandma would bake me a cake if I came over, while I sat and watched. On demand cake, I called it.

I could go on, but you get my drift here. I am not trying to be agist, just realist. I personally vow to make extra ginger bread when I am an old PW, so that a mom of the preschoolers doesn't have to play toddler bowling, while attempting to bake a ridiculous amount of ginger bread. I did learn a lot about this process and how to make it better for other people who may have to do something this out of control. What you will need:

*A pattern.
*Tubes of dough. (Don't even think you may be Superwoman or man and try to make your dough. Get real, OK? One tube made one house each, with its own little ginger bread man to live there.)
* A fondant roller. This takes the guess work out of rolling dough. It automatically makes it 1/4 inch. The perfect size for this venture and any other "cut out cookies."
* The scooper/chopper thing with the blue handle in my pics. No, I don't know what it is called. For REAL. My brain has no room for these types of details.
* Parchment paper. This will save on clean up and is of utmost importance in the keeping sane part of this lesson. Dough doesn't stick= you don't want to throw it into the pantry door, like my mom did to my ginger bread house, when I was a kid. (Does anyone know where Mr. Freud is right now?)
*Baking pans
*One thirst quenching drink, such as, water, juicebox, or 7-up.
*One beer
*One bottle of wine.
*At least a shot of liquor.

Roll the dough out until it doesn't squish any more, and place pattern pieces. (Roll the dough between two sheets of parchment paper. Remove the top piece and then place patterns to be cut out. )

Cut around pieces with the choppy thing or a knife. I like Mr. Choppy.

Keep the patterns on the dough and flip it over. Peel the parchment off and put pieces with pattern side up on pan. Leave room between the pieces for it to grow. (I forgot to take pic of this part so it is imagination time.) Then peel the pattern off and bake for 13 minutes at 350 degrees. (The dough package says 7-12 minutes. Ignore it.)

While the pieces are still hot, place patterns back on and use Mr. Choppy to cut pieces to the original size again. The stupid things grow as baked dough will do. GRRR!! Let cool and move to ever growing pile. Throw the cut offs in ever growing heap, (see pics.)

This is the ideal rolled out dough. I actually fit all three pieces on one rolling. I am too challenged to have done this every time. If a piece didn't quite fit, I would just put more dough under the missing part and roll a bit more. MAKE IT FIT! HEHE!

Here are my original tools. Roller thing. Mr. Choppy. Knife. Dough between 2 sheets of parchment. 7-up to stay hydrated. (Juice boxed was slipped in by pre-schooler hanging on my leg and screaming. ) Scissor for cutting the pattern out the first time.

After 2 rolls of dough, I changed my beverage selection. This is a good pic of the rolling of the dough between the two layers of parchment.

After roll 3 1/2 I switched to wine and fantasized about killing the dough.

After roll 5, it is time to start doing shots. My grandpa would have beat me with this dough roll if he knew I drank Glenlivet 18 to soothe vengeful baking thoughts. See the pretty dough roll? Again I stress, DO NOT MAKE THE DOUGH!! This cheesy white guy is so happy for you to use his dough. I can't remember his name.

All but one set of panels are here ready to get the heck out of my house. They are all nice and uniform for building ease.

This is what I did with my leftovers. This is to avoid getting clubbed for wasting scraps, by ghosts of baking past. A.K.A Great Grandma Coellen. Never waste!! Capiche?

These are going to the island of lost cookies, never to be eaten unless some one comes to get them STAT. I am already tempted to waste. They are the parts chopped off by Mr. Choppy. I wonder if the beasties outside will eat ginger bread cast offs? I pretty much think squirrels will eat anything after they ate my jack-o-lantern faces.

Limited Edition Santa and Reindeer Handprint Ornaments~ Crafty Brogdon's

2011-11-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

I did nothing but paint ornaments, and clean out my closet just enough to find a paintbrush to paint the ornaments today. The closet adventure is more than one should safely take on but I am too cheap to go buy another brush, when there are likely 100, or so, in THE CLOSET. I am going to post these ornaments and if anyone wants a play by play on their construction, I suppose I could put one together. The basics~~~

Final Product minus Modge Podge and ribbon.

What I used:
*2 pounds of Crayola air dry clay
*2 oz. bottles of black, white, red, flesh color (or clesh according to Sophie), and a metallic brown.
*fairy sprinkles
*an exacto knife
*one girl hand (right) and one boy hand (left)
*Black Sharpie and a Red Sharpie (I capitalize the Sharpies to show reverence. I am in love with them.)
*the elusive paint brush (and I used an eyeliner brush from an old eyeliner)
*A fondant roller 1/4 inch
*shiny Modge Podge (I need to brave the closet to find a wash brush. I am scared.)
* parchment paper
*straw to poke the holes
*Christmas ribbons and red sparkly cord. Not on them yet.

Flynnie The Red Nose Reindeers
(Darrell thinks the noses look happy to see me.)

Sophie Clauses

I rolled these suckers out 3 days ago. Forced the poor children to make 16 acceptable handprints each. Flynn had to make a few extras. I cut them out around the prints with the exacto. It took 3 days to dry enough to paint them. Mostly because I didn't feel like painting them until today but it is probably good I waited.

Here is a view of the monstrosity of this project. This is just the end product. We also suffered a few mishaps, as is the usual in this house. Sophie tried to paint her furniture before we got started. Flynn drew a mural on his bedroom wall while I was ignoring him and painting. I would share a pic but I made him Magic~ally Erase it all already. Sophie ended up sent to her room and Flynn followed to make his artistic statement.

I just love the way they turned out. I stole the Santa idea from a pin, on Pinterest, and I made up the reindeer one because the ones I Googled look ugly and challenged. I am pretty sure they never won ANY reindeer games. Darrell thinks these reindeer look happy to see me, but I don't really care. They should be happy to see me since I gave them the very eyes on their smug little faces.

The two white ones are the rejects. Flynn was far less then cooperative with my mission. He did not appreciate my vision. Sophie was far more cooperative and interested in this project. She participated quite a bit, including covering most of my dining room, herself, me and her dad with fairy dust.

Sophie, age 4

Sophie did her very own and there is no surprise that hers is mostly pink and sparkles. I am so honored for hers to grace my tree. She is so awesome. She also told me she doesn't like her skin color because it isn't "clesh" enough. LMFBO!!!

Tomorrow I seal them and add the ribbons. I will put final pics on that are taken in far better lighting. 9 P.M. on a Monday just doesn't offer great photography lighting.

The Day Boba Fett Went To Church

2011-11-27T23:17:00.001-07:00

Was today!!! He went with me. I am not sure if he was trying to redeem himself from his evil ways or if he was coming to perform a hit on this alien dude. Right after taking this picture I got a terrible charlie horse cramp. I figure that was God's way of telling me to stop misbehaving in church. I didn't even pose them on the Bible or anything (I wanted to, but people were staring.) SHEESH. Isn't our pew fabric just grand? HEHEHE!!