Jim's Autism Blog

REMEMBRANCE DAY.....AND THE ASSEMBLY

2013-11-11T15:42:00.000-08:00

Let me start off, by saying thank you to all past and present service men and women on this Remembrance Day. Without your ongoing courage, none of us would have the freedom to rant about things on our blogs.

This Remembrance day has been somewhat different for us, when compared to ones previous. This year was the first time that Jacob showed interest in the meaning of Remembrance Day. And he was excited to learn that both of his great grandfathers served our country in WW2. Mine as a field engineer, and his mothers in the Navy. Both of whom came home when the war ended.

Naturally, we were both pleased at Jacob's desire to learn about not only his family's history, but his country's history as well. But of course, we also knew that today would mean an extra long assembly, which we also know, can cause Jacob to lash out and eventually have a meltdown.

And of course, he did.

Jacob was very upset at having to spend the majority of his morning in an assembly, regardless of the reason or topic. Naturally we tried to lessen his level of anxiety during lunch. We explained the importance of today, plus the meaning of the poppy and a few other points of interest. But nothing seemed to work.

Even as we went back to school from lunch. he was still upset, and struggling to let go of the hostility that he had from the morning. But on a positive note, we ordered a set of Goosebumps books from Schoolastic, and they arrived in school today. We had his EA and SERT hide them from him in order to maintain the surprise.

Now we have 1 gift for Jacob put away for Christmas, which is only (math in head) 42 days away?

But for now, we're still enjoying the day as it was meant to be enjoyed. With family and friends while we give thanks to everyone in the military.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2013-10-31T17:00:00.003-07:00

We just returned from trick or treating, and Jacob got so much candy that even I had trouble carrying his pillow case. The good thing for us is that Jacob only eats the chocolate bars and chips, which means that there's lots of sugary junk for us.

But to be honest, we almost didn't go out at all this year, because Jacob doesn't like walking in the rain at all, even if there's tons of free candy to be had. He did eventually come around and put on his zombie costume. We then all together, ventured out into the elements to go trick or treating.

After about an hour or so Jacob had enough and we quickly went home before it began to rain too heavy. But after an hour, we were all soaked to the bone. So after getting him changed, Jacob went into the kitchen for a drink, but only 2 goodies. Not because we limited his intake, but because that's all he wanted.

So as Shannie finishes handing out our last candies, I'd like to take the time to wish everyone a safe and happy Halloween.

THE COLOURS OF AUTISM

2013-10-19T07:06:00.001-07:00

Over the past few months, my wife and I, along with my son, have been having some in home assistance in order to help Jacob learn how to regulate his emotions. The sessions have been going quite well and yesterday we had a major breakthrough.

We've been trying out a mad plan, that helps Jacob understand the difference between good and not so good behaviours when he becomes upset. The plan has both words and pictures, and the poster is hanging up in our living room so that he can see it all the time. It's been working quite well, but we felt that it could use some tweaking.

So yesterday, together we developed a colour scale to help Jacob understand his feelings. They are as follows:

Green = Happy

Orange = Calm

Red = Angry

Blue = Sad

Then his ABA therapist asked Jacob if the colour Yellow could be used as a colour to describe things that help him feel good. And Jacob felt that things like using electronics or reading could be described as the colour Yellow.

So the trick became that when Jacob was mad (red) or sad (blue), he could then use his yellow things to change his mood. And since Jacob loves colours and understands how to change them by mixing other colours, he understood how they could essentially change his mood for the better. We turned them into an equation.

Red (angry) + Yellow (electronics) = Orange (calm)

Blue (sad) + Yellow (electronics) = Green (happy)

We're in the process now of creating another visual chart with the colours on it, so that Jacob can use them as a guide when he begins to have certain feelings. And it's already working, even without the visual aid. Hopefully this will help Jacob regulate his emotions even more efficiently that he already does, which in turn, will improve his behaviour at school.

HAVING AN ASD IN OCTOBER

2013-10-01T07:39:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe it, but its already the first day of October. And I'd like to say that both my son and I think that October is the best month of the year. I have to admit that I'm biased because October has a bunch of important days in it, including my anniversary and my birthday, as well as Thanksgiving for us Canadians, and of course Halloween.

Since about mid September, my son has been going on and on, about October and Halloween. Even though it was about 6 weeks away when he first mentioned it, the anticipation that my son has, isn't rivalled by his birthday or even Christmas. I think the idea of dressing up and being allowed to act a bit strange at home and at school, is something he really enjoys. And it's evident every day.

So when this morning came, my son barged into our bedroom, and insisted that I get up, and change all the calendars in our house to reflect the dawning of a new month. And it didnt stop there. He had a bit of a sore throat this morning, nothing serious, but enough that he was concerned that he wouldn't be able to, you guessed it, go out for Halloween. His concern was so real that mom and I quickly told him that Halloween was weeks away, and that he'd be certainly better by then.

Then there's the constant talk about ghosts and monsters, which surprisingly, our son loves. He also enjoys cackling like a witch and making scary noises like a ghost. And he doesn't get scared, even if we watch a scary movie.

Of course there's the natural concern that us parents have, in regards to finding the right costume. What does my son want to be this year for Halloween this year? A zombie. Luckily for us, we have a couple old accessories from when he was a zombie last year. He might have outgrown the actual costume, but the gloves and mask are still in perfect condition. We usually get our supplies and gear from Party City, which is a great store and has hundreds of costumes for both boys and girls. So even if your child has an ASD, and wants to be a winged dinosaur, Party City will be able to help.

The only hard part i find about the upcoming Halloween season is....all the chocolate and goodies for sale in every store i go into. And they're all perfect size for hiding them in my pockets. Aah, I love this time of year. But with an impending candy/turkey overload, my waist size is already getting bigger.

This is our son last year at Halloween.

4TH GRADE REVELATIONS

2013-09-21T09:30:00.001-07:00

It's hard for us to believe that our son is now in grade 4. And its hard to believe that he's only had an official ASD diagnosis for just 4 years. But as each new school year approaches, we naturally begin to worry about his behaviour, the curriculum, and other things. So needless to say, we were quite worried about grade 4. This year is when things really start to matter in regards to learning advanced things in math and English. Plus this is the year that kids in Canada start learning French, which is our second language.

We've officially finished week 3 of the new year, and thankfully, this has been the bet start to a school yar that our son has had. He's been much more productive and emotionally controlled during class time and its amazing to us how hard he's working.

Now the interesting thing is trying to figure out why/what it is about this year that is making things flow so well. It could be all the ABA training that we've been involved in, which has given us countless tools and strategies to help our son. It could be that he's just getting older and realizing that he doesn't need to get angry when someone laughs.

Or it could be that this year the kids are all acting more mature as a whole, because this year most kids in his class will be turning 10. Sure they still act silly, but acting appropriately is more prevalent in my sons school. Plus the entire teaching staff are becoming more understanding and all of us are collectively learning to help our son. And it appears that the great relationship that we, and the school have is definitely having a positive effect.

No matter the reason, we are truly thankful that things are starting to turn around for our son. We've always felt that as he aged, he'd develop better understanding of how the world works. Honestly, while he has outbursts now over simple things, we don't think that he will get upset at a child for being loud when he's a teenager (gulp).

I can't believe I just said that. But like the other kids in his class Jacob is almost 10, which means that in a few short years, he will infact become a teen. And from what I remember, that time in a persons life offers a whole new set of issues. We just hope that these earlier issues are mostly resolved by then. But if they aren't, I'm already bald any way.

JACOBS FIRST FULL WEEK OF GRADE 4

2013-09-11T15:05:00.000-07:00

It's even hard to type it. It seems just like yesterday that Jacob was a baby in my arms. Now he's almost ten years old, and he officially started fourth grade last week. Of course, as usual, there have already been some ups and downs, but why wouldn't there be? We have come to understand that Jacobs life will be full of ups and downs. The question is, how many?

The best partof grade 4 is that this is the year that students start to learn French. Jacobs mom and I have often wondered how he would fare with learning a new language. And we are pleased to say that he already knows the days of the week, plus a few other words. It's almost hard for us to believe that just 7 days ago, he knew zero french.

But like many days/weeks/months before, the downs can come quickly. I had just walked in the door from work today and the phone rang. It was my sons school. Jacob had a meltdown, and would not settle down for anyone. So I had to postpone my shower and run to the school in my flip flops.

When I arrived, Jacob was crying on the floor in the schools hallway. The EA there explained that his teacher, asked some other students to be quiet. Needless to say, Jacob exploded, and he let everyone know it. He even wanted to tell the principal what the issue was. Thankfully once I arrived, Jacob quickly settled to the point that I could get him out the door.

Then once we got home, we quickly put our ABA skills to work. We remained calm, and explained that his behaviour was unacceptable. But not until he came out of his room. We find that when Jacob is hot, he'll often go to his room to calm down, often on his own. Because trying to explain anything to him when he's upset is a bad idea.

So he's reading a book now. And talking about French things. I'm going to change my work schedule for tomorrow just in case there's a repeat performance. Plus, Jacob ABA therist is coming to our house tomorrow to review things and follow up on how things are going. We do enjoy the support we receive. Not only is it helpful, but it reminds us that many kids with ASDs are just like Jacob, and more importantly, it reminds us that we're not alone.

JACOBS FIRST DAY BACK TO SCHOOL? WELL.....SORT OF

2013-09-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

It's official. Today is the first day after Labour Day, which for many means the first day back to school. While many new parents struggle with the idea of their child venturing out into the world alone, many celebrate the return to peace and quiet. But for us, the beginning of anew school year leaves us with a feeling of dread.

For us, a lack of planning all too often leads to meltdowns and anxiety in our son. And at our sons school, lack of planning is evident right from the beginning. First thing this morning, all 500+ students will be ushered into the gym and a roll call will be done to determine which student goes with which teacher. I know what you're thinking, why doesn't the school tell us in advance? Well, they just never have.

So I invite everyone to picture what a gym full of students on their first day looks like. All the screaming, yelling and boisterous play is enough to make any child with an ASD have a meltdown. Naturally when all the class registers get filled, they start with the lowest grades first. And since my son is going into grade 4, it means an extra 30 minutes of anger.

Then there's the question of who my sons EAs are going to be. Even this isn't disclosed until the first day. So there's plenty of room for anxiety even before school begins. Because when my son, who rarely shows an interest in school, asks mom and dad questions like "Who's my teacher this year?" Or "Are my EAs going to be the same?" And even "What friends are going to be in my class?" We simply have no answer to give.

So we've come up with a simple equation to follow.

First day back + no idea who the teachers, EAs or students are + a big gathering in the gym =

Keeping Jacob home on the first day. I know starting the school year with an absence seems drastic, but in the big scheme of things, does it even matter? This way we can just all into the school and find out all the necessary information before sending him. This way we can at least try to start the year on a more positive note. And hopefully make our son happy about getting back to the daily grind.

AUTISTIC BOY THREATENED

2013-08-22T14:55:00.001-07:00

This just in from Canada. Makes me wonder what is going on up here, because this really hits home. You can read the story here.

TOP 5 NINTENDO 3DS GAMES FOR KIDS WITH AUTISM/ASPERGERS

2013-08-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

Because our son passed grade 3 with decent grades, we decided to buy him a Nintendo 3DS for passing. The only concern we had was would he actually utilize the 3D feature, because if he didnt, it was really only a regular DS that cost us an extra $40.

Luckily he does enjoy the 3D graphics and as such, we decided to share our top 5 Nintendo 3DS games.

5. Super Mario 3D Land - This is a great game thats fairly easy to play and it has a hugely expansive world. It has a total of 96 levels over 16 worlds, so your kids will definitely get lots of play time out of it. The thing that I like is that it has a mix of 2D and 3D levels so theres linear play and free roam available.

4. Luigi's Mansion Dark Moon - This game is cool because it allows Luigi to step into the spotlight and take the lead character role. This game revolves around Luigi trying to rid a huge mansion of ghosts. With dozens of missions and a rating system at the end of each level, there's definitely reason to pay the game through more than once.

3. Paper Mario Sticker Stars - In this game Mario travels around another huge world collecting stickers which are used as special items and power ups. There's a cool multi player feature that allows 4 players to travel through a mansion collecting stickers and defeating bad guys. A real plus is that the levels change each time so one could actually play this game on a never ending basis.

2. Mario Kart 7 - This is by far the best Mario racing game ever created. In this game coins are once again utilized and collected in each race. The coins can then be used to buy vehicle upgrades and other cool stuff. Another new feature to this game is being able to race in the first person view.

1. Super Mario World - Now i know that this game hasn't been released yet, but this is the most hyped game on the 3DS to date. This game is also compatible with the Wii U allowing for a unique touch screen experience. But even if you don't have a Wii, you can still enjoy this game. It's bigger and more detailed than Mario Land and there's tons of new items to be used.

It's clear to see a pattern emerging in our top 5 choices for games. The Mario series is arguably one of the best series ever created on any console. The games are fun for kids, and for those of us who grew up playing the Mario games, there a real throwback to games gone by. And the best part is that any of these games cost $40 or less so buying one wont break the bank. Hopefully your kids will enjoy these games and be sure to try them out yourself if you get the chance.

THE NEW DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

2013-08-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a couple weeks since my last blog post, which can be taken as something positive. Normally I post about strange or difficult situations that we've gone through, but the past couple weeks have been pretty normal?

Maybe it's because the dog days of summer have a way of making an aspie child feel more relaxed. Or maybe its just the calm before the storm. In four short weeks, it will be September, which means back to school. I know, that for many parents its the most wonderful time of the year, but for us, it has often been much more stressful.

Jacob is going into grade 4, which is apparently when the real work begins. Jacobs math and social skills are steadily improving, but still seem to be a little behind. And this year the entire school schedule will be completely different than anything even Jacobs grandmother was used to.

There is some positives that are shaping up for us here too. Jacobs mad plan seems to be having a good effect on his behaviour and his token board seems to be helping Jacob gain some control over his outbursts. All we can do is hope that these new found skills will be able to carry into the classroom.

But until the first day of school, we'll just try and enjoy the rest of the summer, all the while helping Jacob to progress further when it comes to his emotions. And since we're experienced parents of a child with an ASD, we as always, are ready for anything.

IS THE ABA THERAPY PAYING OFF?

2013-07-23T18:26:00.001-07:00

The local water park.

It's been a couple months since my wife and I began taking the ABA sessions, and since we began implementing some of the strategies we learned, Jacob has been going against the grain more than ever. So much so, that it's been difficult to gauge whether or not the training has actually done any good at all.

That is until a couple weeks ago when I renewed our family pass for the local rec centre. July has been crazy hot and a daily trip to the pool has definitely helped us stay cool. But last year, before the training, I'd have to call before going to make sure that,

1. The pool was actually open.

2. The pool wasn't too busy.

3. The vending machine that sells chocolate bars was working.

Because if any of these three things weren't right, than neither was Jacob and a blow up was almost guaranteed to occur. In the past if the pool was unexpectedly closed, Jacob would lose his mind, even if I offered to go to the splash pad that's only a few blocks away. But I can say with confidence that those behaviours seem to be a thing of the past. When given proper warning well in advance, Jacob can quickly regulate his emotions and for the most part remain calm.

Before the ABA training, Jacob would get mad if the pool was too loud, which it often is because of all the summer camps using the pool. And he would get mad if a young child were to splash him and get him wet, which as we all know, should never happen when swimming. And if he was unable to get a chocolate bar from the vending machine, he'd gripe about it all the way home and even be mad later.

Now if he gets splashed or a child yells near him, he'll just look at the child and maybe growl or do a whole body shake to express his displeasure. To those non familiar with autism this behaviour can surely look strange, but to me it's a huge step in Jacob gaining control of his thoughts and feelings.

It too gives us hope that one day when Jacob is older, that when these things occur, instead of showing and sign that it upsets him, he'll just quietly reflect on how he feels and let it go. Because like I tell Jacob each time before we hit the pool, "If you go swimming, you're bound to get wet."

GOING TO THE DENTIST....AGAIN

2013-07-16T18:15:00.001-07:00

I know Jacob only goes to the dentist every few months or so, but it seems way more often than that. And as many of my readers know, going to the dentist can be a mega headache. Jacobs mom and I often supervise Jacob while he brushes his teeth to ensure that he follows the "2 times, twice a day" mantra. Because when Jacob gets a cavity, our only choice is sedation.

But as the time has gone by, Jacob has become much better at oral hygiene. He flosses on occasion, he has his own routine that he follows, and he even rinses the sink when he's done. Which is something that I have trouble remembering to do.

So earlier this week when the two of us went to the dentist, before it hit 100 degrees out, Jacob had one of his best visits ever. He sat through the entire check up without much fuss, and needless to say, I couldn't be more proud.

But something very funny occurred during the visit. Out of nowhere, Jacob sat up. Looked at the dentist and I and said

"When I grow up, I want to be a dentist."

My heart fluttered and I even almost started to tear up. Jacob has never, and I mean never, expressed a desire to be anything, when he grew up. Then I quickly thought about him going to college, and if I had served enough or his education. I was literally speechless. Then a minute later, he again sat up and said.

"Wait a minute, I have a better idea. When I grow up, I want to be a baker!"

I couldn't stop laughing. Jacob never ceases to amaze me with his dead pan humour. Of course I told him that I'd support his desired career choice no matter what. But in that instant, Jacob almost seemed like a "normal" child with hopes and dreams. And the old sayings true, it really is a roller coaster ride being a parent. Except that you can see the rises and falls coming.

A NEW SCHOOL SCHEDULE

2013-07-12T17:01:00.000-07:00

Since many readers have some knowledge of the importance of consistency, I don't need to explain how drastic changes can adversely affect a child with an ASD. During the last week of school in June, we received the monthly news letter that goes out to each student, that explains things like summer camps and other school based activities. But hidden in the middle of the news letter was a page that explained how he teachers want to change the scheduling/structure of the school day.

The old day went like this

8:40 - 11:35 morning session

11:35 - 12:20 lunch

12:20 - 3:05 afternoon session

Jacobs day was slightly altered so that he could enter and exit the school without all the noise and excitement. It did have a positive effect on him, so we would like the pattern to continue. But now the school proposes that the day go like this

8:40 - 10:10 Session 1

10:10 - 10:50 Morning break

10:50 - 12:50 Session 2

12:50 - 1:30 Afternoon break

1:30 - 3:05 Session 3

The school recommends that if a child is going home for lunch, they should do it during he afternoon break. But it's only 40 minutes long, so when you factor in 5 minutes travel time each way, to and from school, Jacob would only be left with 30 minutes for lunch.

Now after speaking to other parents that we know, some schools have been using this scheduling for years. But I look at it like this. My grandmother went to school almost 100 years ago and there was the morning period, lunch then the afternoon period. Now all of a sudden the board feels the need to make a drastic change for some reason.

Using the old schedule, I'd be able to spend my lunch at home and walk Jacob back when it was time to go. Now I won't even be able to see him until I get home at 5 PM. Who knows how this is going to affect Jacob. He needs the one in between periods to recharge and prepare for the afternoon. Needless today, I'm not too happy. But as far as I know, the parents willbe able to give feedback at the start of the year. And feedback I will give. As if my anxiety in regards to Jacobs schooling isn't high enough, now I have to worry about this.

Things used to be so much easier.

UPDATING OUR ABA STRATEGIES

2013-07-04T16:19:00.001-07:00

It's been almost 2 weeks since we introduced our ABA strategies to help control Jacobs outbursts and anger when asked to undertake something undesirable. And let's just say, there's been some resistance.

Well, more like a lot of resistance, that's been riddled with such verbal attacks like. "I'm leaving this house" and "I want a new family." But we were clearly informed that things often get worse before they get better, so we're doing our best to remain calm and do our best.

Things are only now, slightly getting better. But we had to adjust our "attack". Our main objective is to help Jacob remain calm when transitioning from one task to the next. And we also have been trying to limit the amount of I've he spends being immersed in one activity.

Since we introduced the timer to give Jacob cues a to when to stop what he's been doing, things have been tough. Every time the timer buzzes, Jacob has become enraged. We actually se two timers because one is really loud which is a problem for Jacob too. So we now have a quiet one for outside his room, and loud one for us down stairs.

Since we've taken the ABA workshop, we learned that a parent always has to be ble to change their methods on the fly. And believe me, the timers have come pretty close to flying themselves. Originally, we decided to give Jacob 1 hour to do his desired activity. Then, when the buzzer goes, he has to switch. But each time, Jacob would get hot. Then we decided that after the buzzer goes off, we would give Jacob an extra 10 minutes.

An the extra time woks wonders, and Jacob gets less mad when he hears the buzzer. Then we began giving Jacob only 50 minutes to enjoy his activity, plus 10 more to make an hour. We just don't tell him about our tactic and all three of us are happy. Who says you have to be totally honest? I find that the old adage "if it works, go with it". Is much more fitting. Just don't tell Jacob.

JACOB'S GRADE 3 REPORT CARD

2013-06-27T04:54:00.001-07:00

It's the end of June, which signals the end of another school year, which of course means the summer holiday. But it also means that Jacobs report card is coming home. We generally have a good idea about how Jacob does in school, yet its always interesting to read how Jacob did in greater detail.

Naturally, and like many children, Jacob is good in some areas, but not as good in others. Jacob excels in organizational skills and independent work, which we pretty much knew as he is very organized and independent in all aspects of his life. But he does have issues with social behaviour, which seems to be the occurring trend.

There were also some subjects that Jacob didnt really take part in like gym and music, mostly because of the noise levels and the lack of control involved in each of those subjects. Yet in all other subjects, he received a C. Jacob is on an IEP which also allows him to start school 20 mins later and also let's him leave school 30 mins sooner. It's beneficial because of all the commotion involved with getting kids in, and out of school, but it does hinder his educational progress.

On a fun note, yesterday was the school play day/barbecue, which we attended for the first time since Jacob began school. Harvey's supplied the food at the BBQ, and there was a band and inflatable jumper gyms that Jacob loved. And there were even pony rides that students were allowed on. Jacob looked so funny on the pony. He wasn't sure at first, but at the end he really enjoyed it.

So now there's only 2 school days left and these days are usually more laid back, so things seem much more relaxed. But before we stress about Jacob going into grade 4, or turning 10 years old, we're just going to enjoy the summer, and we're going to do our best to beat the heat.

STARTING SUMMER ON THE WRONG TOE

2013-06-19T10:16:00.001-07:00

It's been quite a slow week for us here at home. My work season has been averagely busy, but since it's driven by the world economy, it's expected. We've completed the majority of our autism workshops, including our in class ABA training. And of course, the school year is quickly coming to a close.

But that doesn't mean that something unexpected can't happen at anytime. And for those of us with kids on the spectrum, the unexpected seems to happen at the worst time.

Which brings me to this. Last week, on Thursday, Jacob and his mom were playing around the house. Normally this consists of us giving Jacob a few seconds to run and hide before one of us comes looking. Well, this time, something bad happened. In our living room we have an antique sideboard against the wall that leads to the kitchen. So Shannie told Jacob to start running. And as he turned to escape her outstretched hand, KAPOW! Jacob ran right into the sideboard.

He ended up with a huge scrape across his chest from the corner of the sideboard, but worst of all, he kicked his foot on the bottom of the unit too.

Here's the culprit.

Since I helped move the sideboard when we bought it, I know how heavy it is. And when I heard the thud, then the crying, I knew exactly what had happened.

The scrape was bleeding and it looked terrible, but we knew it would heal quickly, but Jacob's foot looked even worse the next day. His second toe was almost completely purple and of course he was unable/unwilling to put any weight on it what so ever. And since our bathrooms are either upstairs or downstairs, we let Jacob pee in a bucket.

After the weekend went by, Jacob began climbing the stairs again, but we felt that he was kind of milking his injury. Then on Monday, his school had a day trip to a park that was fully equipped with a pool and all kinds of cool activities. So when Jacob said that he didn't want to go we knew he was serious.

We sent him to school today and yesterday, but he was limping the whole time. And of course his behaviour reflected his physical condition. So needless to say, he didn't get much accomplished in class what so ever. Thankfully next week is the last week of school, but we're sure that he'll be fine by then. We plan on keeping Jacob socially busy this summer as long as it's not too hot and humid. Hopefully his toe will be a normal colour and he'll be able to walk to the pool and park. If not, it's looks like I'll be carrying him around on my back.

ABA AND THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS

2013-06-11T10:13:00.002-07:00

Jacob's school year is quickly drawing to a close. And we definitely need the break from the daily grind of going to and from school, as well as the regular social/behavioural difficulties that we face on a daily basis. But this summer is going to be different for all of us here, because we're going to be taking a different approach when it comes to Jacob's off season.

Firstly, Shannie and I have vowed to take Jacob out every day, even when it's scorching hot, just to expose him to as many different social settings as we possibly can. So between his summer trips, swimming at the rec centre and playing at the many parks in our neighbourhood, Jacob's summer should be both exciting and exhausting. We've found that social settings is where Jacob seems to be having the most trouble. He always seems to want to be able to control every aspect of an outing, including other people. But as he gets older, this becomes more and more impossible, so we collectively have to work harder and harder.

Plus, Shannie and I are planning to enroll in a couple more workshops that will teach us how to help Jacob during some difficult social situations. These workshops, with the ongoing ABA therapy sessions, should help Jacob make great strides during the upcoming months. They seem to be at least bi weekly so, there should be a steady stream of new ideas and strategies going through our home this summer.

We've always found that the transition Jacob goes through every summer when it comes time to go back to school, often makes his first couple months of class time less than ideal. And next year, Jacob will be in grade 4, which means more difficult school work and more responsibilities, which we pray he can handle.

None the less, we're prepared for anything, much like most parents of aspie kids. Because we've found that no matter how hard we work at things, or how many workshops that we enroll in, there's always the potential for something unexpected to happen. But since the beginning of our ABA therapy sessions, both Shannie and I have learned to not have unrealistic expectations of Jacob and ourselves. It seems that we want to control all aspects of Jacob's life, yet we always seem to be telling him that he can't be in control all the time.

Oh well, at least we'll be together as a family and if the summer gets hot and we find ourselves bored, we can just look forward to September and be thankful for the time that we do have together.

A CLASS TRIP TO THE WESTFIELD HERITAGE VILLAGE

2013-06-04T20:03:00.001-07:00

As the title of this post said, Jacob had a class trip today, to the Westfield Heritage Village. I had to work so my wife Shannie was going in my place. And my wife is very skilled in dealing with jacobs behaviour. I'm not going to get into the location of the trip, I'm just going to jump into Jacob's behaviour.

The school buses departed from school at 11:00AM, which of course, threw our class trip schedule out the window. Normally when going on a class trip, we are able to withhold breakfast until we get to the destination. But since they didnt leave until later, we had to give Jacob something to eat.

Well, that didn't go too well with Jacobs car sickness, so naturally, he barfed everywhere. Now this really set the tone for the day. Jacob immediately became grumpy and Shannie quickly sprang into action. She changed Jacob into a fresh set of clothes and tried to cheer him up. The key word being "try".

Jacob then really became moody after not being allowed to go into a restricted area. Normally Jacob doesn't swear, but today was exceptional from the start. After Shannie refused his request to explore the restricted area, with a tear in his eye, he called his mother a stupid "b".

I know, devasting. My wife almost began crying when she heard what Jacob said. Jacobs EA also heard what he said and took over so Shannie could have a second to regain her composure. She quickly took Jacob back to the bus for some quiet time. And she was really calm and surprisingly supportive of what Jacob was going through. He had puked twice, had a meltdown, had immediately noticeable remorse for what he said and was crying all within the first hour of being there.

During the recent ABA therapy sessions we learned that quite often, a child's behaviour will get worse before it gets better. Unfortunately Jacob is going down that very path. This Thursday in our next ABA session, we're going to learn how to deal with certain problem behaviours and this class can't come too soon.

The nice thing is that Jacob is already showing emotional growth since the Spring. He was extremely sorry and he even put himself on a timeout when he got home. Oh the joys of aspergers. Hopefully with all this training and workshops that we've been doing, things will improve even more, because I don't know if I could handle being called a name like Shannie was called. I know we have to sty calm at all times, but we're only human. So the sooner Jacob gets a handle on his emotions, the better we'll all be.

INDEPENDENCE (DURING BATH TIME) AND ASPERGERS

2013-05-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been reading a lot of posts about encouraging independence, and the associated stress, in kids with ASDs. We too worry about these things all the time almost on a daily basis. Will my son go to college or university? Will he have a family? And sometimes we wonder if he'll be able to have a place of his own.

While Jacob is only 9 years old right now, the past decade has flown by and time doesn't seem to be slowing down. Then when my wife and I talk about how in another 10 years (or another blink), Jacob will be an adult. gasp! We become very anxious and we hope that we've done all that we could by the time that occurs. For us, independence seemed to come naturally, as it does for many, but for Jacob, independence takes some practise.

But for now, we're still focusing on the little things, like encouraging Jacob to bathe on his own. Normally we have to give Jacob reminders in what order to wash things. But now he likes the door shut and the fan on when bathing, so prompting him is a little more difficult. Lately we've been giving Jacob complete privacy while bathing. But a couple times when we've asked him if he's nearly done bathing, he actually hasn't started because, as he puts it, "I don't know what to do next?"

So we asked Jacobs autism worker to create a flow chart with pictures that's water proof so we can hang it in the bathroom across from the tub. Hopefully this will encourage Jacob to be independent during bath time, because we as neurotypical people, take this for granted. While people like Jacob, may need some simple reminders to help him focus.

It seems simple, but often enough, simple works. Once it's completed we'll implement it immediately, and we'll be sure to take a picture and share it. Because I wish I'd began using these charts a long time go. But we can't dwell on the past. So we keep moving forward, because our young son does too.

ABA THERAPY SESSION 1

2013-05-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, my wife and I decided to enroll in some ABA therapy to further help our son control some of his outbursts. Since the start of 2013, Jacob has begun yelling and name calling on a much more frequent basis and since the majority of his unexpected behaviour happened at school, we had to take it upon ourselves to try and remedy some of his issues.

We enrolled into the 4 week program with the help of Jacob's autism worker. In the beginning, we were unsure about ABA therapy simply because we had no idea what it was. We learned about it briefly throughout some previous programming that we had completed, but we had no concrete information on what ABA therapy entailed.

After some anticipation, session 1 was upon us and the program started last night. We learned that ABA therapy was designed to help limit certain behaviours which we as parents deemed unacceptable in certain social settings. We together had to choose one behaviour to focus on that we wanted to help control. The behaviour we chose was yelling at others.

We've noticed that Jacob often yells at others when they interrupt him or raise their voice in any way, even if it was for a positive reason. As an example, one time my wife was in the kitchen, I then thanked her for dinner, but I had to yell it as she was a few rooms away with the water running. Jacob exploded and scalded me for yelling at his mother. He doesn't understand the concept of yelling and uses it at inappropriate times.

During the class, we went into types of behaviour monitoring and how to apply it to Jacob's problem area. We have to monitor the problem behaviour and document it for 2 weeks. Then during the next class, we'll discuss it and then tweak it as we need to. Having a behaviour journal is a great way to help notice triggers that can cause Jacob to yell, which will then help us to spot the triggers before the yelling occurs.

Of course, today being day 1 of the recording, Jacob has yet to yell once. He got ready for school and left without issues. And now he's sitting in the kitchen quietly doing his homework on his own. But that's how things always seem to go around here. As soon as you think you know what direction things are going, they quickly change and leave you guessing.

NEW DOCTOR, NEW DISCOVERIES

2013-05-18T12:14:00.001-07:00

It's been a few days since we all attended the appointment that Jacob had to meet his doctor. I originally planned on doing a post right away, but there was a lot to take in and a lot to process. In my past few posts, I expressed my concern that Jacob may need medication to help him in school. The good news is that Jacob, at this point, doesn't need medication, but we did receive some intense news.

Jacobs new doctor feels that Jacob has a neurological disorder that prevents him from grasping some rudimentary school things like math and reading comprehension. He also felt that Jacob has some fine motor skill issues that needed to be addressed. We knew that Jacob had fine motor issues, as he's had for most of his life in spite of plenty of practise. But we were taken back by the due urological disorder diagnosis.

Once we took a deep breath and really thought about what the doctor said, things became more clear. The doctor felt that the disorder Jacob has, which prevents him from understanding basic things like early math, causes him great anxiety. The anxiety that Jacob feels in school when doing certain things, then leads into the aggression and compulsiveness that he's been exhibiting as of late.

The doctor also explained that many times, kids like Jacob often have issues in the winter, and when in grade 3, kids with ASDs, often have other issues that tend to become more prevalent during this time.
It seems that during the second half of grade 3 is when schools begin to focus on levels and student expectations, which of course causes jacob to have anxiety.

So we spoke with the school and expressed what we've learned and they're going to implement a couple changes. Jacobs going to spend the first 10 minutes of each day in a quiet place so he can adjust his mindset and prepare for whats expected of him in class. Then his math work is going o be owned down in a more detailed IEP.

The sad thing is that we've always wanted Jacob to be in a regular class learning the regular curriculum that other kids do. But we knew that he wasn't like other kids a long time ago. It's just hard for us to learn that no matter what we do that Jacob is going to be behind in certain subjects his whole life. We just have to stay strong and be positive for Jacobs sake and hopefully, with all that we've learned, things will hopefully begin to get better.

SNOW IN MAY?

2013-05-13T16:50:00.002-07:00

It's hard to believe that it's already mid May, yet this morning while at work, there were enough snowflakes falling to make me don a toque and winter jacket. Throughout my experience with ASDs, and in particular Asperger's, I've learned that Jacob's behaviour can change just as quick as the weather.

I can't wait to have some ice cream by the bay.

Last week Jacob did pretty well in school, despite only going for 2 days, due to a lengthy illness. Then this morning it seemed that his behaviour plummeted much like the temperature. Now, we have learned that Jacob's empathic ability is often through the roof as he can always sense our stress and anxiety. On Wednesday, we have our first appointment with Jacob's new ASD doctor.

We don't know why, but this meeting seems even more dubious than any previous doctor visit, not because of Jacob's recent run of poor behaviour, but because we're, for the first time in our lives, are open to giving Jacob medication to help him keep his cool during pressure situations. Nothing is for sure, but we can't help but have fear for our son.

Then today, we spoke to another mom who happens to be our friend, as well as a fellow aspie mother. And wouldn't you know it, her son also has the same doctor. And after speaking briefly with her, my wife was put at ease, because this new doctor isn't a big fan of medicating children with ASDs and only sees meds as a last resort.

I know meds aren't that big of a deal, as I'm sure many people just like us give their kids meds, but it's a gut wrenching decision for us. We're hoping that with all of the ABA training that we're currently involved in, that we'll be able to continue without medicating our son. On that note, we've also enrolled in a new therapy program that entails multiple in home visits, phone in sessions, one on one time with Jacob and in class workshops.

The sad thing is that we often enjoy our summer due to the relaxing nature of the season, but of course we're willing to do anything to help Jacob. All we can do is stay positive and focused, and pray that things become easier for him as time goes by. But the one thing we always say to our selves is that every grey cloud does have a silver lining. And we're sure that this current cloud over us does too, even if it's a snow cloud in May.

NEW DOCTOR, NEW BEGINNINGS

2013-05-08T18:14:00.003-07:00

"The waterfront. Beautiful blue skies, or crashing waves.
Just like Jacob."

Since Jacob was diagnosed with an ASD when he was 5, he's only seen 1 doctor since. Unfortunately his doctor, who was great, left for a bigger city to help more people. But yesterday, we got a call and after a long waiting period, we finally have a new specialist for Jacob.

We've been patiently waiting for a new intake meeting for a while, but with Jacobs poor morning behaviour at school as of late, we were beginning to become anxious. Our primary concern is that at this point in his life, Jacob may need medication to help him function throughout the day.

I'm sure that lots of people have put their kids on medication with great results, but for us, it's a bit of an apprehension. But one thing parents of a child with an ASD have to be willing to do is, try anything. So Shannie and I have decided that should his new doctor think that medication could be beneficial, we'll give it a try. Even if we try the meds, they're not necessarily permanent. But if the doctor say that more ABA therapy is better, then we'll have no choice but to immerse ourselves deeper.

All we want is for Jacob to be happy, which is likely what any parent wants. The scary thing is not having the certainty that we provided our parents in our own childhoods. I voice in my head sounds like a broken record, but we must remain positive. Because even before Jacob was born, we promised to do anything to help him. So that's what we're going to do.

SHOWING MATURITY WHEN SOMEONE'S IN NEED

2013-05-04T05:39:00.001-07:00

Anyone who's been reading my posts as of late, know that Jacobs behaviour hasn't been that spectacular. He did get on a small run of better behaviour, but Thursday morning when Jacob woke up, we could tell that he wasn't feeling that well. His throat was sore and he was puking on our couch. But he did receive 4 out of 6 stickers for his reward calendar, two of which came from the morning session.

On to a more serious note, I had to have a small surgical procedure yesterday morning. While we tried to explain to Jacob that I wouldn't be feeling too well for a while, we didn't know how he'd react considering how poorly he felt. Surprisingly, he's been great. He's been compassionate and very careful when giving me hugs be ause he often gives hard kisses to me and his mom.

Strangely enough, since yesterday, Jacobs level of maturity has risen to an all time level. Jacob argued far less than normal when it came to things like eating dinner, going to bed and even sharing his ipad wih me. And to tell the truth, he hasn't even yelled very much since I got home.

It's amazing how a boy that normally gets upset when he's limited in his choices has somehow almost become a young caregiver. I've even asked him to get me a couple things while he was on the computer, and he didn't even get upset.

Seeing Jacob act like this give me hope that he'll be a fully functioning person when he grows up. We've always been somewhat concerned with Jacobs lack of compassion during certain situations. For example, when a young child in his school, were to get hurt, he would get mad that the kid was crying. But yesterday was refreshing in that we could see his concern for my well being on his face.

Jacobs behaviour has been so refreshing, that I almost want to mope around on a permanent basis. But I should be better soon and Monday I'll be back to work and Jacob will be back to school. We just hope that his new level of maturity continues.

APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY BEHAVIOURAL CHANGES?

2013-04-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for the Summer.

Where has the month of April gone? I can't believe that tomorrow is May 1st and honestly, to us, it feels long overdue. The month of April has been quite difficult for Jacob and the anxiety/stress of it all has been clearly visible in his face. Since the start of March, Jacob has refused to do anything positive during the morning session at school. But after a scheduling change in his school day, things seem to be moving in a much better direction.

Now on to the good news. Since Friday of last week, Jacob has had 3 consecutive mornings at school that have been both positive and productive. He's been much calmer and he's done more work during the morning the past 3 days, than he's done all year. He still has rough patches, but this is a wonderful change from all the negativity. We understand that uncontrollable feelings will always be in Jacob's life, we just want to put as much time as possible between each problem.

The really strange thing is, that Jacob's behaviour improved just as quickly as it went sour. And the reasons for the changes are unknown. This is something that many parents like me face on a daily basis, but we've never had such a long string of poor behaviour since Jacob was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 5. Since Jacob's behaviour at school went south, we've tried everything we could possibly think of to help remedy the situation. We tried changing his diet, his schedule at home and school, we changed his bedtime, his after school activities and much more. So even though we have no explanation for the positive change, we can't be happier with the latest trend.

At this point, we have to stay positive and take things day by day. We hope that this behviour trend continues, and lasts throughout the rest of the school year. And we as a couple, are continuing to attend almost every workshop or seminar that we can. Not surprisingly, we've already learned many things in dealing with Jacob's behaviour. So clearly all the hard work by all of us is paying off one way or another. We just hope that there aren't too many in the Summer.