Joanne Mallon's Opposable Thumbs

If you could choose any age to have a child, what would it be?

2013-05-21T17:08:18+01:00

There's an interesting awareness campaign doing the rounds right now, fronted by Kate Garraway.

Kate, who had her children at age 38 and 42, is backing the campaign to get women to consider having children earlier.

I had my children at 31 and 34, and I've always been of the opinion that whenever you have a family, if you have one, that is the right time for you.

But I can sort of see where they're coming from with this campaign. As women have increasingly had babies at an older age, biology has not caught up.

Just because more people are having babies in their forties doesn't mean that we're all becoming more fertile in our forties. You're still at your most fertile in your mid-twenties. At 35 you're half as fertile as you were at 25. At 40 you're half as fertile as you were at 35.

How many people are truly emotionally ready to have a baby in their early twenties? But then again, if you start early you get it all done and dusted quickly.

There's really no best time to have a baby, there are positives and negatives at all ages.

Though personally I think I prefer a bit later rather than sooner. Possibly skipping straight to granny stage, with a whole lifetime of experience and wisdom behind me.

The problem with this campaign is that it's basically a fallacy. Not that many people really get to choose exactly when they give birth. And it's not just about fertility, there are many other issues to take into account too.

But still, it's got people talking, which I guess is the whole intention.

What do you think - if you could choose any age to have a baby, what would it be?

Sonic Boom

2013-05-18T15:10:04+01:00

The past is catching up with me. That last post has unleashed a torrent of time tapping on my shoulder. How else can we explain a day out devoted to Sonic the Hedgehog?

Back in the 1990s when I was at Liverpool University I shared a house for a year with the sister and girlfriend of the bass player from a band called The Boo Radleys (are you following this? Keep up, it's not that hard).

When said bass player would go on tour, he would leave his Sega Mega Drive at our house for safekeeping.

When the sister and the girlfriend (two separate people! It was not THAT rock 'n roll a household) had gone to bed, I would have a go on the Sega Mega Drive.

And thus I spent many a happy midnight hour in the company of Sonic the Hedgehog, until the band got back off tour and I got shoved off the controller.

Now The Boo Radleys have gone to the great Indie Chart in the sky, but Sonic the Hedgehog lives on in the shape of games, merchandise, even bedding. And last Saturday we were invited to check it out, as Sonic hit Mercedes Benz World in Surrey.

The other thing that happened which totally weirded me out at this event was that my tiny baby child DROVE AN ACTUAL CAR.

OK, she's not that tiny but still, she's only 13. Not usually an age known for legal driving.

One thing I found out when writing my book about fear of driving is that older learner drivers can sometimes really struggle. So I intend to encourage both my children to learn to drive as soon as they're 17.

But that's 17, not 13.

What happened was - Mercedes Benz World offers a supervised driving experience for under 16s, and children over 150cm were allowed to take part.

So at 153cm my babychild was allowed behind the wheel. I now have video footage both of her as a newborn baby and drivng a car. HOW CAN THIS BE SO?

Modern life is moving too fast for me.

It was 30 years ago today...

2013-05-09T15:43:00+01:00

BritMums in conjunction with Special K have asked bloggers to take a trip down memory lane to look at what we were up to 30 years ago. The recipe for Special K has changed for the first time in 30 years, but how have the rest of us changed over three decades?

They say that if you can remember the Sixties then you weren't really there. I say that if you can remember the Eighties then you probably wish you weren't really there. As decades go it may now be vintage but it wasn't exactly Vintage with a capital V at the time.

I was 14 in 1983 - just discovering music and hairspray. I hated my convent school with a passion and I dare say that, for the nuns, the feeling was mutual.

Belfast was a thoroughly grim place to be in the Eighties. I was once in a cinema in the city centre when a bomb went off outside. Most people screamed and ran out, but I stayed put - I had paid my £2.50 and wanted to see the end of Beetlejuice. My dedication to movies remains undimmed.

Not quite 30 years ago but close enough, here's a picture of me in the Eighties. I'm on the left. I like this picture because my hair looks cool and I am being kind, looking after my friend who is throwing up.

I still try my best to be kind, even to people who are throwing up. As you can see I was wearing a paisley pyjama shirt and some rosary beads. Neither are still in my wardrobe, alas.

This photo was taken at the Thursday night disco at the Crescent Arts Centre in Belfast. I am amazed to see that this place is still open and has a website and even its own app. Back then it barely had functioning toilets.

I was woefully under age and it was a school night but I still managed to sneak in past the bouncers. I would have an attack of the vapours if my teenage daughter tried that one on now. If you've seen the film Good Vibrations then this was just after the era depicted there and many of the people from those bands would come along to the Crescent on a Thursday.

And what were we dancing to? 30 years ago in 1983, three classic Smiths singles were released - Hand in Glove, This Charming Man and What Difference Does it Make? I had a ruffle through the records in our attic and found two of them:

A man's bum on a record sleeve! That was considered pretty racy at the time. It wouldn't raise an eyebrow now.

People have come and gone in my life over the last 30 years. The big change in me mentally is that I've gone from being a technology refuser to being a big time geek-freak and proud of it. I'm still watching Doctor Who. I still like music but I don't go to discos on a school night any more.

And here I am with the best things I have produced in that time:

From what I remember, when I was growing up Special K was a fairly exotic diet cereal which my mum refused to shell out for. Now it's one of my children's favourite cereals, when they can get me to shell out for it. As part of this linky challenge we were sent a box of the new version to try. The recipe has changed and they've upped the number of grains involved from two to three. We all enjoyed it, to the extent that the box only lasted about two days.

But the brand has lasted 30 years, and not many manage to do that.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose - the more things change, the more they stay the same.

This is my entry for the BritMums/Special K How I've changed Linky challenge

Be careful what you wish for...

2013-05-07T13:47:33+01:00

I often say that the main reason I keep fit is to be able to outrun the beasts in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

I am only semi-joking about this.

Life continually proves itself to be stranger than fiction so you've got to keep an open mind and be prepared for the unexpected.

Still, it was a surprise to enter the gym changing room on Sunday to be confronted with real live (dead?) zombies.

Their ashen faces, wild, sunken eyes, matted hair and ripped clothing covered in dried blood weren't top of my post-workout plan. Also there was a woman in there airing her hooha with one of the hairdryers but she wasn't a zombie, she was just uninhibited.

I had just run for 5k so was purple-faced and addle-headed to say the least. It was very discombobulating.

But seriously, Zombies? Is this how it starts? In the women's changing room at LA Fitness? Did you smell us first because we're all a bit sweaty? Had you heard about the exhibitionist with the hairdryer?

Turns out it was a hen party, all kitted out to perform Michael Jackson's Thriller. They had hired the fitness studio to rehearse. They were not zombies, they were just a bit pissed on prosecco.

Phew.

We live to fight another day.

Review: LEGO Legends of Chima

2013-04-29T14:21:21+01:00

Let's get one important thing out of the way first - How do you pronounce LEGO Chima?

Well, you say it Chima as in Chee-ma, NOT Chima as in rhymes with China. Got it? I am making these mistakes so you don't have to.

The Legends of Chima back story involves eight animal tribes battling it out for control of the CHI (say it chee as in cheese).

(Also, wouldn't it be great if they were battling for control of the cheese? As long as you had enough yellow pieces you'd be The Boss)

As I mentioned in a previous post, we were invited along to Chessington World of Adventures for the launch of the LEGO Chima roadshow, which is travelling around the UK until October.

Two things make this latest range from LEGO stand out - it's very animal-centric; and there's a lot more to it than simply building stuff with bricks.

The range includes tiny vehicles which come with a plastic rip cord which you use to rev them up and get them racing and leaping. The vehicles move pretty fast once they get going but need to be on a flat surface (not carpet). Watch out for them disappearing under the sofa.

After the Chessington event we were sent two of the LEGO Chima Speedorz sets to take a closer look at and review.

Over all we were impressed with how much you get in these sets, which retail at £10-15. They include a selection of Lego pieces to build, the little vehicles plus ripcord, one or two minifigues and collector cards.

First up, the CHI battles starter kit (code #70113 RRP £14.99). Containing lion and wolf minifigures plus vehicles, 10 game cards, more CHI than you could fit in a cheese box and plenty of obstacles and ramps.

The Ring of Fire set (code #70100, RRP £9.99) lets you build a flaming hoop for your Chima minifigure to soar through.

We think either of these sets would make a good birthday present if you have a party coming up. Out of the bigger Chima range we liked the look of Cragger's Command Ship, which is a boat that looks a lot like a crocodile.

My son is a huge LEGO fan but he wasn't sure about the Chima range when he first saw it - it didn't grab him immediately, which surprised me because he loves both animals and LEGO. However, these review sets have changed his mind and he's been playing with them a lot over the last few days. The various accessories mean there's masses of potential for imaginative, creative play. My only criticism would be is that there are a lot of little fiddly bits that don't fit together, so you do then have to think about how to store your Chi.

All in all we like this latest addition to the LEGO family. Now, say it after me:

Chima

Che-ma

Cheeee-ma