Joe Stains

Just in time...

2009-11-13T19:51:00.002-07:00

We are BACK and thank dog just in time to help get the word out for our good friend Miss Snickers...

She is not well and we need to all get together and have a moment of major vibe sending for her...

Her blog is here if you haven't met her before.

Here is the info...

"We are asking everyone to set your alarms and at exactly 11:00 PM GMT on Saturday 14 Nov 09. 5:00 PM Saturday evening in Iowa as Snickers' family sits down to eat turn toward them (in the central USA) and join together in a silent minute of prayer, meditation, contemplation, reflection... Whatever feels right to you.

Followed by whatever means of communication you choose.

Arrooing
Barking
Howling
Yipping
Yapping
Wooing
Meowing
Mewing
Purring

To wish and send Miss Snickers and her family whatever is in your hearts that will help them feel the Love and Support they need right now."

THEN!!!

Blow a kiss and send your Love and Prayers and Best Wishes to Miss Snickers and her Family and they will feel their arrival in the breeze.

I am already pointed that way and sending vibes, I figure it is never too early to start.

I will update on Mom and Dad's trip later, this needs to happen NOW FOLKS. So spread the word!!

OM FRICKIN DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-04T23:53:00.002-07:00

THEY DID IT THEY DID IT!!! My Yankees are World Series Champions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad and I were so happy and I was even letting him hug me and it was amazing. Sorry to my Philly friends, you guys put up a good fight for sure.

We will talk to you soon guys, I will miss you all so much!!

YANKEES WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMDOG Those Yankees and stuff

2009-11-03T17:11:00.002-07:00

We got that bath and then those Yankees lost, BUT what really happened is My Twinnerer and I just sort of lost all our ZEN TWIN POWERS. But we will be restored and tomorrow I have a feeling we will combine for a YANKEE VICTORY!!!

Joey has been walking around with this crazy thing on, its some kind of Yankees Medal. I was like WTF Buds???

THEN he showed me it is his most favoritest Yankee EVER which is Don Mattingly who played like a billion years before Joey was even born but WHATEVER.

My humans are going to NEVERLAND and wont be back until next week OMDOG. I don't know what they are doing there because that Michael Jackson guy died and um the only other NeverLands I have heard of is where Peter Pan lives and that seems kind of like a dumb place to go on a vacashun.

Mom said in the Neverlands there are wind mills and tulips and museyums and lots of great architecture. I dunno WTF she is talking about but we are going to Gram and Gramps so we will be talking to you guys for the last time TOMORROW for like eleventy billion days.

There is one person to blame for this loss...

2009-11-02T22:06:00.003-07:00

My Mom totally ruined it for my Yankees tonight. I will show you why...

EVIL WOMAN you are washing away all of the good luck I have been saving all season!!!

DAD how could you let her do it?!?!?!

Needless to say I am NOT talking to her right now.

Tanner has gone sort of cracker dog with his mind meld sessions with his twinner. I think they fried their circuits or something. Sunny, his Twinners sister, promised to dispatch a shaman and some um pedialyte or something to get those two back on track.

Tomorrow - the Yankees have a day off and they MUST MUST MUST win on Wednesday because Mom and Dad are going to be over the BIG PEE if there is a game 7. Dad will go crazy not knowing!!!

Sunday updates...

2009-11-01T14:51:00.003-07:00

Thanks for all the great advice on how to deal with these tracking devices we got. I keep trying to see if I can pick up some radio stations on mine, but so far no luck. Thank GOODNESS the Yankees won last night so I didn't have to have the WORST day ever.

I was so nervous before the game I was actually TOUCHING Tanner, can you even believe it??

Mom made us wear these Howloween shirts, I think I look pretty buff and tough in mine. Tanner just looks like a fat pumpkin.

Ooops, sorry Tanner. I mean you look very handsome. or something. CRAP. I am so worried about being bad now that I have this stupid chip in me I keep expecting to get a JOLT if am mean to Tanner. Or the dog police might show up and take away my treats. oh man, I hope these things eventually come out in our poop like when Tanner swallowed ear plugs.

Ah well, tonight is another Yankees game. I am going to go meditate while Tanner and Scooter do that mind meld insanity.

THE MAN is on to me...

2009-10-31T10:34:00.003-07:00

All this week Mom and Dad have been talking about going on vacation. We aren't even going to PRETEND that we thought WE were going because I know better than that by now. And hey, we get to stay with Gram and Gramps and they are TREAT DISPENSING MACHINES. Crap, I am yelling like Tanner.

So in addition to the vacation talk, they have been talking about getting Tanner and I chips. I thought, cool Gram and Gramps will be giving us lots of tasty chips as treats.

Tanner was trying to figure out which chips he liked best, I definitely like the Lays.

Then this morning Mom dragged me out of bed into the FREEZING cold truck (Note from Mom, it was about 50 degrees) and said, lets go get your chips! MORE chips?? PAWESOME.

Then, somehow we were at the VET. We were whisked into the back and INJECTED with some kind of tracking device big brother is watching mark of the beast MICRO CHIP. WTF?!?!?!?

We are now part of 'the system'. omdog. If the Yankees lose today, this might go down as the worst possible day ever.

GAME TWO is OURS!

2009-10-29T20:44:00.002-07:00

YANKEES WON GAME TWO!

At first I could barely watch and Tanner was doing some strange MIND MELD thing with his (so called) Twinnerer Scooter. He said they were trying to make the Yankees win by sending some kind of mind meld thoughts or SOMETHING. I can't understand either of those two when they get going.

My Philly friends, Murphy and Wally seem to think that a bet involving treats should be made. Murphy also wanted to bet that if the Yankees lost I'd have to paint my toenails red and blue. FORGET THAT! There is no stinkin way Mom could get me to hold still long enough for that. BUT a snack bet is on. Wally wants Carne Asada if the Yankees lose, but that might be kind of hard to ship, but we can work something out.

My fluffy tail friend Khyra doesn't seem like a betting gal, but I am guessing she did not enjoy the loss tonight.

As you can see, I am still kind of digesting the win, it was a TENSE game. Next game is SATURDAY!?! Tomorrow, I can rest.

SOB

2009-10-28T22:56:00.002-07:00

YANKEES...WTF?!?!?!?

I was so upset that I actually let Tanner console me...until I saw Mom with the camera. Stupid pupperazzi!!

Dad is already convinced the Yankees are done for, I am more confident in them than that. omdog. I am going to go pace for a while, then cry, then sleep.

Joe stains reports on the YANKEES!!!

2009-10-27T23:21:00.002-07:00

Guys, I seriously cannot believe that I am going to get to see the Yankees in another World Series. I am sad that they are playing some of my good friends' team, and I am sorry that they will have to lose. BOL.

I was so nervous before the last game that I was sort of just staring off into space, imagining another World Series chamionship...

"Ok Derek Jeter, I'd be happy to wear your world championship ring since I am the BIGGEST Yankee fan ever..."

Woah, sorry I sort of spaced out for a second there...

The game was so intense that most times I could barely look.

Then I had to invent something called the 7th inning snooze as I was totally spent from cheering so much.

But in the end, they WON! The Yankees are going to the WORLD SERIES. It starts tomorrow guys, I cannot wait. I might not sleep tonight...OK ya I will :)

Here is a movie of me watching the celebration after the game, it was pawesome.

Tanner Serenaaaade...

2009-10-26T22:59:00.002-07:00

OMDOG guys, those Yankees TOTALLY won.

I was pretty bored because, I like those Dbacks and they were definitely NOT going to that World Series.

Then I got real excitered because Mom said that my human cousins who live in that PENNSYLVANIA, but not the side those Phillies live on, made a SONG about TANNER!

THAT IS ME GUYS. I was real excited til I realized that I think JOEY paid them off because the name of the song is DUMB DOG TANNER!! WTF?!??!?!

The boy human cousin is CLEARLY wearing a disguiseration with those glasses and hood so he doesn't end up on my HIT LIST for saying I am dumb. BUT the rest of the song is pretty good, so I will forgive them. AND they are pretty cuterest. Those humans Mom is my Mom's sister and the other day her GALL BLADDER totally attacked her, can you even believe it?! I am going to go online to see how to ATTACK BACK because just like Dennis that red dog, I am Tan Torkelson and I never give up...until its bed time then I just sort of put it off til I wake up. SOOO if while I am sleeping you can send some healing vibes to that bladder of gall and my human aunt I WOULD LOVE THAT.

TAN TORKELSON OUT.

OMDOG I CANNOT TAKE IT...

2009-10-25T16:50:00.002-07:00

Earlier I was watching the Steelers and there were so many tense moments I could barely take it.

I FREAKED out and started running all over and then I started getting nervous for the Yankees game...

Ok I am ready can we please just get the game started?!?!

OMDOG OMDOG. If you don't care who wins cheer those Yankees for me!!!

An apology and a video...

2009-10-23T22:21:00.002-07:00

We are sorry that we have not been around to visit all our doggy friends recently, but Mom and Dad got free passes to the Arizona Fall League and have been going to every game they can.

This league is all the best Minor league prospects for all the MLB teams. So Mom and Dad get to be up close and personal with the future stars of the league...

Like Brandon Allen from Mom's Dbacks.

And the number one pick...

Stephen Strasburg.

There are even some Japanese players this year...

In the time that Mom and Dad are home, we are trying to get Tanner into an exercise regime, but he just will not cooperate!! You will see my efforts in the following movie...

badonkadonk from Rhonda on Vimeo.

We promise to visit blogs this weekend. MOm has already gone through about 100 of the 279 blogs she had in her reader. She is so lazy and said she will do the rest tomorrow and Sunday. WHATEVER lady.

Exercise, Doofus Style

2009-10-21T21:30:00.002-07:00

Tanner was still not convinced that he was overweight, so I had Mom show him the following photo...

HOLY BADONKADONK that is a big booty!

Tanner then stuck his tongue out at me and called me some HBO words.

So to help him with his exercise I stuffed his corn inside this blue thing...

As you can see, this is a good exercise toy as it has him very perplexed.

He then said that he was EXHAUSTERATED (where does he get these words??) so he had to get some sleep...

He is even a Doofus when he sleeps.

How is that even comfortable????

Now, since I am sure you are sick of looking at Tanner, here is a picture of me...

Tanner FAT Tuesday!

2009-10-20T11:30:00.002-07:00

OMDOG so that Joey says I am FAT. WTF??!?!?!!

I was kind of getting sadderest about that and was thinking HARD about losing that weight. (I was also MAD because Mom had just cleaned my ears which is why they are all gooky looking) I thought I would do some exercising with my toys.

OMDOG ITS GOT ME!!!!!!!!!

JOEYYYYY BUDS HELPPP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

He said be quiet and knock it off because he was TIRED from watching that baseball.

Hmph, well this losing weight stuff is HARD and I am keeping ONE eye on this toy because I don't think it is helping me with that exercising.

omdog baseball

2009-10-18T23:28:00.002-07:00

So yesterday the Yankees played the Angels in game 2 of the American League Championship Series. For those dogs who don't know about baseball, this is the series before the World Series, which if they win is like getting best in show or getting an entire steak AND a pizza all for yourself.

Normally, the games are 9 innings and are over in about 3 hours. WELL yesterday the game was over 5 hours and lasted 13 innings. It was crazy. Dad and I were so stressed and Dad was doing weird ninja moves and yelling...BUT the Yankees WON!!!

Today, Dad and I are pretty tired after all that yelling and stress.

I still have to be on guard duty, but I am definitely glad the Yankees didn't play today because I didn't have a lot of energy.

I did manage to strike a very sexy pose for my Sophie, but other than that, I just rested. Yankees play tomorrow so I am off to get some more sleep.

Weighty issues...

2009-10-16T15:36:00.003-07:00

I have been bored with not moving around a lot so I don't over heat so I thought I would do some reading. Look what I found in the magazine that comes from my VET.

This chart shows dogs by body condition. Well I know that I am slim and fit...

Check out my curves!! I am IDEAL. (I would probably say I am SUPER AWESOME but that doesn't seem to be on the chart anywhere)

Lets take a look at Tanner...

FAT KID!!!! Mom said now that it is not so hot she is going to walk him more so he loses some weight (and she does too). I think I should also get his serving of dinner for a few weeks!! How do you guys rank on the condition chart?? I don't see anything on there for relentlessly huge dogs or dogs that will not be named but have HUUUUGE behinds.

Hot Dogs

2009-10-14T18:46:00.003-07:00

So it's hot here in AZ again, going to be 100 degrees this weekend and our big AC broke. Luckily we have a little AC in the front of the house and its in the 60s at night. We will be getting a new heating and AC unit next week.

Until then, I think it is best to conserve energy so I don't over heat. (Note from Mom: with the small AC unit the temp never really gets about 85 so the dogs are in no danger of overheating. Unless you are a drama queen like Joey)

I will only sit up to watch my Yankees.

Meanwhile old big tongue Tanner is panting because he is a DOOFUS and can't stop doing stuff like this...

Even when it is eleventy billion degrees in here. (Note from Mom: current inside temperature is 79 degrees)

The good news is Mom is working from home tomorrow and Friday afternoons so she can have all the windows and doors open in the back of the house and the small AC unit going in the front of the house. I guess that is a good thing but I am going to go look into this further to be sure this isn't some strange sweat tent ritual Mom heard about on the news.

Tanner Tuesday Time!!

2009-10-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

WHATSUUUUUUP?!?!? So here at our house we have been watching that baseball and football and Joey's girlfriend SOPHIE came over and yelled at Joey which was SUPER.

Joey took her outside to see this very PRETTY sunset before I flew her home, so I think she left feeling ok about Joey making her watch those Steelers who TOTALLY won.

After Sophie left Joey got all super mopey and depressenated.

I mean really dude, try not to be such a drama queen?! LOL

While Joey was totally crying about his girlfriend I asked Mom for a snack and guess what she said OK!?

This is a nylabone that is eatable and has SPEAR MINTS in it to make your breath smell gooderest.

I dunno what a SPEAR MINT is but I like it for sure. Mom says too bad they don't make the air that comes out of my back end smell minty fresh. GROSS MOM. sheesh. That is all from Tan Torkelson this week my friends!!!!

Time with my Sophie

2009-10-11T11:03:00.002-07:00

In case you didn't know Sophie got a brother and she hasn't really had time to blog much. I figured I could take advantage of Tanner's flying ability and spend the day with her.

I took her out to a very lovely breakfast. We had a great meal and lots of good conversation. Sophie then asked what we were doing next. Well, um, of course we are watching the Steelers?!?

Uhh she really ISN'T yelling at me here. And I am not really hiding here, just um, totally concentrating on her opinion.

She finally ~~relented~~ got super excited about watching the Steelers.

She got so excited she sort of slept through the first quarter. I am sure by the end of the game she will be cheering with me. um, I hope.

Laughing Matters...

2009-10-08T18:02:00.002-07:00

So I am trying to NOT get mad at Dad for not totally cheering for those Yankees, and guess what comes in the mail today, a TWINS shirt he bought on e-bay?!!? I mean we are YANKEES fans Dad!!! I am cheering only for the Yankees since Dad seems to have mixed emotions. One thing we agree on is GO ANGELS! (sorry to all my great friends who are Red Sox fans - but you know how it is.)

Since I was disappointed in Dad, Mom said I could open some mail I got. Usually she saves this stuff for the weekends.

Oh look, its a card of 2 doggies playing in the snow. Wait, it looks more like one doggy getting totally MAULED in the snow...OMDOG its the Lacie Beast!!

Sure enough it was a thank you card for the pressies we sent them. As a 'thank you' she sent us this card which is a picture of her...

Um, gee thanks. The card also says to not turn it over or else...

OMDOG!!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLROFLMAO!?! I blacked out the names to protect the innocent and then circled the most IMPORTANT PART!! LOLOL!! I am going to guess they will determine that Lacie poo does NOT smell like roses. This is a perfect cure for the Post Season stresses of a baseball fan. In fact...

I am going to put it right here for when I need a good laugh!!

THANKS LACIE!!

Twanner Twins Game Day!!!

2009-10-06T19:31:00.002-07:00

WHATSSSUPPPP!!! Sorry for the LATE posting but Mom and Dad have been watching that TWINS baseball game where they were playing those TIGERS. RAAR. Well you SEE Dad loves those TWINS since he lived in Mini Soda for a while and he loves that Bert Blylevin guy from the twins so he was REAL excited that the TWINS could get into the playoffs if they winned that game today.

BUT then guess what they play the Yankees which is Dad and Joey's NUMBER ONE TEAM.

So I said, HEY BUDS HEY BUDS HEY BUDS HEY BUDS what happens now because those TWINS that Dad loves has to play the Yankees that you guys love bestest. (JOE gets that look on his face when I talk to him a lot, he must just be thinking REAL hard about what I am saying)

He was like SHUT UP TANNER because I think it made his brains hurt a little.

Then we played Tug with his TWINS colored rope toy.

I let him win because I think he was having a MORAL DILLEMINATION. BUT I know they will be cheering for those Yankees, but BOY what a game today. It went into extra innings and even though Joe loves those Yankees...look what he did when those TWINS won...

Baseball makes him CRAZY!!!!

Boston Terriers FTW!!!!!!

2009-10-04T12:08:00.002-07:00

So I was sitting around this weekend thinking about how the reputation of Boston Terriers around the world was at stake because of this stupid polar bear...

I was kind of alarmed by my failure to destroy the stuffy...

Then I had a good chuckle and told Tanner it was ON

He, of course, was all WTF are you talking about?!?!

DONE AND DONE. Polar bears beware, you are no match for a Boston Terrier!!! I hope my Steelers show the same tenacity today and WIN WIN WIN!

Polar Express

2009-10-03T08:31:00.002-07:00

So I was sitting around the other day, minding my own business and being super handsome...

When I looked over and saw this...

WTF? Does this thing think he is part of the family now or something??

I told him to give me my Steelers stuff back and go bother Tanner. He stared him down while he was sleeping.

Then he woke him up and they had a short conversation and I thought at this point Tanner would go all Terrier on him and finally tear him to shreds.

WTF?!?!?! I need to take matters into my own paws and splode this stuffy. My terrier reputation is on the line!!

Distraction in polar form...

2009-09-30T17:38:00.002-07:00

So Tanner had a bit of a migraine after a few minutes of trying to watch the front and back yards. Mom felt bad about stressing him out so she got us a new toy.

It says it is super durable...

It is a 9 out of 10 on the durability scale...we shall see!

Hello polar bear, welcome to terrier town!!

We immediately started to tug on him...

And we tugged some more...

As Tanner would say, WTF it won't splode??

This thing is totally tough!

I spent some quality time with it, trying to convince it to just give up its fabulous stuffing already.

Finally, I got drastic...it was time to hump...

YET THE BEAR STILL SURVIVES!! We have had it for a couple of days and it is still in one piece. I am baffled! Mom got this at a discount store so it doesn't appear that they make them anymore, but it is the same brand as the Tuffy pet toy line. So far, Mom is impressed, and I am ticked off. It is my mission to splode this stupid stuffy.

Tanner YARD DUTY Day!!

2009-09-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

WHATSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!?!?! SO Joey is contemplating MOVING but then he wants to stay so he can watch those Yankees. We were both VERY sad about those stupid Steelers losing to those darn BENGAL CATS yesterday. They lost to CATS!! But then MOM said that cats are getting the best of us RIGHT NOW!!

WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!!? She said look outside...

SO I DID (can you see me and the rust on the door right in front of my face, I HAVE NO idea how that door got that rust JUST right there in front of my face. I think the door makers must have gave us one defecterative door!!)

ANYWAY Mom said No, look out in the BACK yard...

WTF?!?! That is in MY YARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom asked me how I thought the 'cat snacks' end up in our yard. WTF I figured they were dropped out of the sky by like Santa Claws or ACME Cat SNack deliveries.

Thats it, I need to keep one eye on the front yard and one on the back...

This is bound to work!!!! But then...if I scare that cat away...no more snacks! Thinking about this is hurting my little brain, I am going to sleeps.