“‎You’re not the same as you were before,” he said. You were much more… muchier… you’ve lost your muchness.” - Mad Hatter, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (2010)

 If you are waking up feeling the world is rather bland, that taste has somewhat lost its flavor or that color has lost its brilliance, you may have lost your “muchness.”

Merriam-Webster defines “muchness” as the quality or state of being in great quantity, extent or degree.

In Tim Burton’s 2010 version of Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter tells Alice that she used to be much muchier, and that she seemed to have lost it.  What he was implying was that she had lost her true essence.

Ever feel that way?

As if somehow, somewhere along the way your muchness was sacrificed at the altar of doing what was expected of you: choosing a certain career, partnering with a certain kind of person, having the house/kid/dog/picket fence…. Rather than choosing what was right for you?  You chose to “fit in” rather than “belong?”

Before reading Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), I thought both belonging and fitting in were synonimous with one another.  I did not know there was a difference.  Brown makes a distinction:

“Fitting in and belonging are not the same thing, and, in fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging.  Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted.  Belonging on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” 

In our hustle for worthiness, we choose to fit in, rather than belong and in so doing, ditch our Muchness away….

It is perfectly normal not to be the same person we were as children.  It is not okay to wander away from your muchness, as Alice was accused of – yet so many of us get seduced into the morass of “obligation” because it is easier to adjust to what others expect of us, rather than have the audacity to be authentic and true and live our lives fueled by our muchness.

Have you…

1. Forgotten what brings you joy and pleasure?
2. Stopped doing what you love?
3. Lost sight of simplicity in exchange for busy-ness so that your life is SO crammed with good stuff, the good is not so good anymore?
4. Been living the expected rather than a life that counts?

If so , you may have lost your muchness.  Time to claim it back!

I would love to hear from you!  What is “muchness” for you?  What can you do to be more “muchier” in your life starting today?  Share with us – we love your comments!

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “flabby” as weak and ineffective; and the word “ask” as to make a request of/from.

Asking can be very difficult for women.  Many of us grew up believing that asking for anything meant we were weak, that we were selfish for wanting something because, in our family of origin, it would mean it would take away from another, or that one would be a nuisance for a having the audacity to want.  In not asking, beliefs were formed, misrepresentations occurred, ways of living our lives were birthed.

You may have heard the story of the husband who asks his wife, “Why do you cut the ends of the ham off before cooking it?”  She responds that her mother did, so she did.  When she decides to ask her own mother, she gets the same response from her, “Because my own mother did.”  When the mother then asks her own mother (grandma) why the ends of the ham were cut before she cooked it, her mother tells her, “Because the pan was too short.”

We lived our lives not questioning beliefs that made no sense given who we have become.  The belief that it is a weakness or selfish or bothersome to ask for anything is just one more in a long line of antiquated beliefs.  We live in busy times, times where asking is a necessity.

How do you change your flabby ask into one that is significant, meaningful and strong?

Recently I had to shore up my ask.  You see, my coaching business wasn’t growing.  I was afraid to ask for clients.  I didn’t want to be a nuisance.  I didn’t want to appear selfish and lose the contacts I had.  I could see my dream of doing what I am so good at and love dwindling.  Yes, I was still putting on the blog.  Yes, it still looked like the “open” sign was up.  I had no clients.

My heart was telling me it was time to get bigger, get bolder.  That there was no way I could call what I do a business unless I was bringing in a decent income – otherwise I ought to call it a nice, little “hobby.”  I was ashamed – the image I had portrayed was one of a coach who was altogether “together.”  I was feeling like a fraud.

Inside, I was falling apart.

That’s when I decided to hire business coaches to work with me for the next year.  This was no easy decision.  It was not only a HUGE financial commitment (I mean, HUGE), it also meant I could not longer hide behind a flabby ask.  It meant I had to step up MY game, strengthen my ability to ask for what I wanted, feel the FEAR of success and take empowered, focused action anyway.  It scared the shit out of me.

And in the last month, I have attracted more money and more business than I have in an entire year.

I learned I no longer had to live my life lead by the false belief that I was selfish for asking for anything.

So here are some guidelines for shoring up YOUR flabby ask:

1. Be willing to risk – asking puts you in vulnerable position.  Be okay with that.
2. Make genuine requests – let it come from your heart, have no hidden agendas.
3. Be easy to support – if you are going to ask for help, you BETTER be ready to surrender to RECEIVING it.
4. Give support to others generously.

Bottom line, sharing your vulnerability, your underbelly, strengthens your flabby ask and allows you to create a life sourced by your greatest desires, supported by your “clan.”

“If, in the many facets of life at which we are destined to be average, we come up a little short, so what?  But is we fail at the thing by which we define ourselves and at which we hope to prove special, That’s Serious.” ~ Peter Buffett, author of Life is What We Make of It

You might think that the number one reason why women cannot follow their passions is MONEY.  Sure, it takes time to find a way to secure a paycheck doing what you love.  But that’s NOT the #1 reason.  There is another, deeper, more insidious one: one that many are ashamed to admit…

FEAR of Failure.

It’s not such a big deal to fail when you don’t achieve a goal you’re not really emotionally attached to.

But when your Heart and your Soul are at stake, fear of failing feels SO huge – as if your entire life depended upon it, as if you would self combust if you had the AUDACITY to live your life guided by what makes your eyes light up with JOY.

When the Fear at the prospect of failing at what you are passionate about rears its ugly head, it hits your hopes,  it hits your identity,  it hits your desires in a lethal spot.

At least that’s what most think.

So, you play it safe.  You get through.  You lead a mediocre life because the fear, the potential for failure, is just not acceptable at on a Passion Level.  The Fear feels like it could kill your last hope.  And then what?

The truth is that it has NEVER happened in the history of success that the fear of failure ENDED the game.

The game ended when you gave into the fear.

How is it that those who have found success did so?  How is it that YOU can “overcome” the fear, pursue your passions and create your life’s work?

The Only Way Out is Through….

Because “running away” from fear is a typical reaction which is probably not working for you at this point, you need tools, skills, support to help you feel the fear while still being able to take empowered action toward your purpose in life.

Passion and Purpose – it’s what holds you tight and strong.  It’s the reason why you’ve been down this path in the first place.  And, as long as the reason that touches your heart and spirit still exists, then you can learn what it takes to get past your fear of following your passions.

Your life’s purpose shore up your self-esteem and confidence in a way that even fear cannot knock down.

With the right tools and clear purpose you can achieve anything.

Remember, fear of failure has never been a game ender for any successful Wayshower.  If you are clear, you have the tools and the support to help you through, then you can feel safe, strong and resilient against the killer hit of fear.

If you feel you lack the tools, join us this Thursday for my 5-week tele-seminar – From Fearful to Fierce: Follow Your Passion and Create Your Life’s Work.  

You will learn to:

• RECOGNIZE the fear that keeps you stuck from having the fulfilling work you seek

• CHANGE negative self-talk into your SUPERPOWER

• BUILD confidence so you can see opportunities

• TAKE EMPOWERED ACTION toward your goals

>> CLICK HERE TO REGISTER <<

With the support of a like-minded community, you can do just about anything.  Join me now.  You can thank me later!

“Discomfort is aroused only to bring the need for correction into awareness.” Course in Miracles.

My Sisters at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts

We just celebrated National Siblings Week.

It was both bittersweet and filled with love for me.

You see, to ignite my courage to change, I had to make a tough decision regarding my biological family a few years back: I had to excommunicate them in order to find myself.

It was not an easy decision.

But the discomfort I felt around them was like an indicator light telling me that something was “off.”  That I needed to do what was right for me, despite what they or others thought, so that I could make the changes I needed to live an Authentic Life.

So, I turned to friends for support.

Knowing they were available for me to lean on helped me understand the Power of Community.

It helped me learn to receive.

Life is that way…

You have to decide that you’d rather be respected than liked for awhile, until you’ve crossed the bridge and feel confident enough, grounded enough, clear enough and strong enough.

And yet, you think no one would understand. You believe they’d think you crazy for wanting to change your life.  You think you need to keep to yourself while you “figure things out.”  You feel overwhelmed and feeling alone in this questioning.

It’s a road best not traveled alone –

yet so many of you do.

Sometimes you have to make tough decisions about your career, about your partner, about your children, about your health or about money.

You have to shift your thinking. 

Until your purpose  is your guiding light.  Not your fear.

Until you see that your life is not an obligation.  It is a Gift.

The journey demands a road map.

That’s when you turn to your Clan – your community – to stand for you when you have difficulty standing for yourself.  These are people who understand the journey to Fulfillment.

And if you have none that you can think of?

I’ve got your back.

I am offering a FREE Introductory tele-seminar this week – From Fearful to Fierce: Follow Your Passion and Create Your Life’s Work.  I guarantee you will leave feeling connected to a larger community.

By entering your name and email you will get all the details to join me for this highly inspirational and information packed seminar for stressed out professionals 

who are ready to move From Fearful to FIERCE!

Register NOW!

You can thank me later!

You’ve had the same 3 items on your to-do list for the last month.

You know you want to get them done.

You know that these activities will help you out.

You know that they are important to you.

What’s getting in the way?

There may be something larger at play than you realize…

Resistance.

It shows up in the most deceptive ways, concealing itself, masquerading as something else.

Just to keep you in your Zone of Comfort.

It is not in the Zone of Comfort that we grow.  And, I know, you would not be reading this if you were not looking to make change in your life in some way or another and were willing to step out of the zone…..

If you are struggling to do the important and meaninful things, this week’s post is for you.  Click below.

Are you looking for more ways to move yourself through resistance? Click here to join my From Fearful to Fierce: Follow Your Passions and Create Your Life’s Work Intro Call next week.  It’s a FREE one hour call.  I guarantee you will leave with a practical tool to get you through that to-do list and then some.

Stay inspired,

]]> http://joellelydon.com/cant-get-through-your-to-do-list-this-may-be-why/feed/ 0 http://joellelydon.com/burst-through-your-fear-video/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=burst-through-your-fear-video http://joellelydon.com/burst-through-your-fear-video/#comments Sun, 31 Mar 2013 22:06:47 +0000 Joëlle http://joellelydon.com/?p=3628

You press the snooze button for 6th time.

You wait until the very last minute to get into work.

You park your car facing out so you can get the hell out of there ASAP.

You are the first to leave at the end of the day.

You are really good at what you do.  You’ve proven yourself at work and you are a professional who is well respected in her field.  From all outward appearances, you are truly successful:  your kids are in college, your ex is paying you alimony, you got the home… you are living the life.  Aren’t you?

So why do you feel miserable?

There is something else tugging at you, isn’t there?  You dream of doing something you love, something not related in any way to what you are currently doing.  Fantasizing about it makes you’re eyes dance, your heart sing, the skies open…

But you are afraid… how can you chase something you are not even qualified to do?  How can you give up the paycheck, the security, the benefits….?  You feel so stuck – and you want to feel alive….

If this sounds like you, today’s post is perfect.  I share with you a tool that will help you face your fear head on and burst through it.

Looking for more tools to help you recognize your fear and burst through it?

CLICK HERE 

JOIN the From Fearful to Fierce Intro Call.

There is limited room only, so get in on it.

You’ll be glad you did!

xoxo

You’ve had enough.  The bureaucracy at your JOB has left you feeling depleted.  You feel frustrated, unfulfilled, seeking change.  The career choice you made back in your 20′s no longer seems to fit your life.  Something in you has shifted.

You’re afraid to make change as your JOB gives you a paycheck you can count on.

You feel like you’re dying inside.

And yet there’s something you want to do.  It is not related in any way, shape or form to what you’ve been doing for the past few years.  You think it’s a mid-life crisis.  You think you’re losing your mind.

I know exactly how you feel.

Not that long ago I was in the same place.  The disconnect between the reality I was living in my professional life and what my heart longed for was SO acute that one day I walked into work and quit.  Just like that.  No plan B.  No back up.  Nothing.  Silly, right?

Because I was not prepared, my life fell apart.  I mean REALLY fell apart… And I ended back at the same kind of job I had so desperately wanted to leave…..

I needed tools, guidance, support.  I needed to find my way home… STAT.

So I got busy.  I went back to school, got my license as a Professional Coach and have been building my business and my marketing savvy slowly but surely..

I could have probably saved myself a lot of heartache if I had stayed at my old JOB and started creating my life’s work there.  I didn’t.

But I learned a lot.

Whether you are trying to get a whiff of your passions or looking to create work that makes your heart sing, here are some key guidelines to keep you on the straight and narrow.   You can start NOW.

Know that fear will rear it’s ugly head when you have desires that pull you out of our comfort zone. Mostly, the fear is looking for a clear path, the “how” of it all…

This week’s post is your “how” when you find yourself spiraling into fear or anxiety:

1. Get Clear

2. Get Quiet

3. Create

4. Get spermy (thanks to Lissa Rankin for this pearl!)

5. Be gentle on yourself.

Now, remember NOT to skip over the first three steps – despite your desire to get all spermy and start making to-do lists…. Take the time to explore the first three before you make a move.

I’d love to hear how it’s going for you, and where you are getting stuck.

Leave a comment below and tell me about it! Remember to be as specific as you can be. Know that I’ll respond to each and every one.  Besides, there are new women reading these comments every day and your generosity of spirit can truly change someone’s life.

Thank you as always for reading, watching and contributing!

In love, service and pleasure,

” Still don’t know what I was waiting for, and my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets and, every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet,so I turned myself to face me.”  David Bowie

I’m so unhappy in my job, but it gives me a paycheck I can count on.

This is the only thing I’m qualified to do.

My daughters are going after their dreams, what’s so hard about going after mine?

We all go through changes, day in and day out.  The woman you put to bed tonight will not be the same one that woke up this morning.   Yet, when we have Big change looming, our lizard brain takes over our “thinking” and sends us straight into a fight/flight/paralysis jig.

Feeling some trepidation as you step toward your passions and claim your true calling is normal.  That sense of fear and anxiety means that, on some level, your heart already knows what your brain can’t quite wrap itself around.

YET…..

This week, we take a look at three (of the many) stages of change:

• Pre-contemplation
• Contemplation
• Action

If you, or someone you know, is dealing with some crazy, big changes in their lives, this episode of the Monday Mindshift is for you.

(For the record — most people I know, including myself, go through these stages with zero know-how and in my case, a whole lotta anxiety. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!)

Now, whatever stage you are in, I’d love to hear from you. Do you ever let the fact that you don’t know HOW to do something stop you from moving ahead????

Have you ever started off with a sense of trepidation and fear, and been able to move yourself into action anyway?

Leave a comment below and tell me about it! Remember to be as specific as you can be. There are new women reading these comments every day and your generosity of spirit can truly change someone’s life.

Thank you as always for reading, watching and contributing!

In love, service and pleasure,

]]> http://joellelydon.com/three-stages-of-change-in-which-are-you/feed/ 19 http://joellelydon.com/from-donatella-versace-to-dansko/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=from-donatella-versace-to-dansko http://joellelydon.com/from-donatella-versace-to-dansko/#comments Mon, 04 Mar 2013 11:03:16 +0000 Joëlle http://joellelydon.com/?p=3563 You are successful.  The slate blue C70 Volvo convertible in your driveway proves that you’ve “arrived.”

You believe that working hard pays off, that you deserve the best, that family and friends come first and that time is money.

You have no qualms spending big bucks: from appliances to therapists – knowing that quality is the way to go.

Your coffee table is piled high with copies of Cooking Light, Shape Magazine, Vogue and Inc. (mind you, you haven’t had a chance to read them, yet.)

You have a closet created specifically for your designer pumps.

And yet….

You feel like you are wasting your time in your chosen profession.  Although you are brilliant at what you do, you are afraid to let it go. Thoughts of doing something else, something you are not clear on, something that, presently, has no form, sends your itty bitty sh*tty  committee singing a dire dirge predicting your trip to Sears for the biggest refrigerator box there so that you may move into it under a bridge and eat out of dumpsters.

You are confused.

You feel like a fraud.

You can’t shake this feeling.

You know this is not the life you were born to live out.  You know this is not the career your heart longs for.

You were aware of this life as a child when you used to hang in the kitchen while your Nana cooked.  Not only did you love being with her, but you loved the colors, the textures, the scent and sound of sizzling onions, the warmth of the room, and the love that went into each and every dish she made.  You loved feeling special – Nana’s little helper – in a place where time flew by.

You wish you could live your life that way…each and every day.

But you’re too old.  You don’t have the credentials.  You could possibly ever make money doing something you love, you think.

These thoughts are your Achilles Heel….

Which brings us to the question, “Can you really make a living doing what you love?”

Yes, you can.

One day at a time, you can begin to take steps toward it.

It may begin with inviting your peeps over for a meal,

followed by cooking classes at home with your friends,

Leading you to teach a continuing ed. class at a local school,

an article in the paper about your delicious, healthy meals,

and an opportunity to open a restaurant…

Before you know it, you’ve traded your Donatella pumps for Danskos.

Your heart is full.  You feel your Nana with you.

And your shoes become a metaphor for your new life: supportive, roomy, comfortable, long lasting, reliable and able to withstand all forms of spillage.

So, fear not my fierce one.  No need to quit your current career in order to do what you love.  Start doing what you love, now.

Slowly, you’ll eek out what doesn’t feed you and replace it with what does so you may be, finally,  happy, fulfilled and at home in your own life.

xoxo,

I panicked.

Live without BOTH in my life?

I am a Gemini.  It is in my nature to be creating and to be involved in several projects at once.  I am a multi-passionate entrepreneur who follows the next and the next creative impulse…. When I do, I feel alive….What fills my heart?  What places me in the flow?  What helps me feel connected to Source?  What do I Kick Ass at?

“Coaching.”  I heard myself say.

“Time to give up the other business,” he said.  ”It’s holding you back.”

“NOOOOOOO!!!!”  I screeched in a pitch I didn’t recognize.

On the car ride home alone, it dawned on me that the “NO” had come from little Joëlle.  The idea of dropping the other business had put such fear in her, she verbalized it fiercely.

I hadn’t heard her voice so clearly in a long, long, time.

The shocking truth about following your passions

Coddling Moth Mating Disruption – Utah State University

As it turns out following your passions can very much be like a male moth chasing the scent of a female.

Put simply, female moths release scents called pheromones, which attracts the male.  In this analogy, the pheromones emanating from the female are the equivalent of one of your passions and you, my sweet sistah, are the male moth.

If there is only one location from which the scent of Moth Love is emanating, it makes it pretty easy for the male to locate its mate.  No, it won’t be a direct route – there’ll be some zig-zagging along the way – but eventually he’ll find the object of his desire. Just as you will find your calling if you follow the sweet scent of your passion (Top picture.)

Now, stay with me here as I walk you through this Mothy analogy….

What if, along with the True Calling (female moth – the real deal), there are other seeming “passions” placed around it, dispensing “pheromone-like” scents? Notice the bottom picture, sistahs…. Your path not only is convoluted, but misguided – having you chase NOT your calling, but distractions that leave you dissatisfied, unfulfilled and, well, plain dizzy….

Believe me, as the moths in the picture show, it’s hard enough finding your way when there’s only one source.  Blazing a career path when you have two or more passions can be confusing.

Worse, friends and family get frustrated by what they see as a lack of commitment or courage, which furthers the cycle of indecision.

But if the moth could give you just one piece of advice, it would be this: it’s as valuable to know when you’re off the scent as it is to be on top of it.

Passion Love Shacks….

When setting off to find my calling, my first instinct was to work my full-time job while workig part time at two (and sometimes three) separate activities.  It worked in theory, but has, in all honesty, been a source of conflict for me.

In fact, I had recently started to wonder if I wasn’t, indeed, a derailed and lost soul.

You see, I’ve been doing my moth thang for the past 5 years and realized I was having a hard time honing in.  My zig-zag distraction? Fear.

I was afraid to let go of my USANA business, not only because of the money, but because of the amazing community it keeps me in.  I was afraid to let go of Nia, because, despite it being ONE more thing on my plate, when I teach, I become fully-expressed.  I was afraid to let go of my coaching, because, much like Nia, it allows me to remain in the present moment and channel on behalf of my clients.

Quite honestly, I’ve looked an awful lot like the Moth in the second picture above, getting completely off course, zig-zagging, turning myself in circles, and getting farther away from my calling.  And the more I’ve gone back and forth, the more I’ve felt like a failure.

What if what I’ve been doing is critical to the whole process of reaching my goal?

Wait?  What is my goal?  Maybe the answer does not lay in needing to choose between being a coach or an entrepreneur, but in finding a way to hone in on my Female Moth (my True Calling) and build my multi-passion Love Shack.

How to find what you’re missing

“What will determine the course of your life more than any other one thing is whether or not you’re willing to tolerate necessary discomfort.” Barbara Sher

If you’re a multi-passionate individual struggling with the idea of what to focus on, let me assure you that feelings of discomfort are so part of this ride…

Some passions are destined to be hobbies.  For a long time I’ve worked in education by day and danced on week-ends.  I never wanted to become a full-time Nia teacher.  This arrangement has allowed each passion to stoke the fire for the other.

But entrepreneurship has been different.  While it doesn’t have to be a full-time pursuit, you’re either committed to doing it or you aren’t.  I’ve been kicking my supplements business into high gear lately and, simultaneously, I’ve noticed the passion flame of coaching grow dim.

I’ve let fear of success prevent me from dealing with my discomfort rather than be fully expressed.

And my coach saw straight through it.

Time to get quiet.

Time to listen.

And, if you are looking for an answer, I don’t have one, here….

But, if you are multi-passionate needing to get clarity, a coach is your best bet.

Your ideas may or may not work out.

But don’t let fear prevent you from trying.  Whenever it wells up inside you, turn to your cheerleaders for inspiration.  Hire a life coach for guidance.

Instead of talking you down off the ledge, they’re going to tell you to Leap.

They’re probably right.

The worst thing you can do is stand there, heart in your throat, while the comfort of your old life calls through the open window.

I write these words for me, also.

When you leap, you might just discover you have wings.  And just like moths, it’s only in flying that you’ll get to find your way to the light of your True Calling.

xoxo

What multi-passion are you struggling with?  How have you found your way to your True Calling?  Let us know below!

 Need Help Getting Clarity? Get a FREE 15-mn consultation to get the ball rolling!