I have allergies to wheat, dairy and sugar. A quick glance at the label of my little four pack and it’s clear this isn’t going to fit in my diet. Not without a bit of mental fog and gas, anyways. But for the guy behind me in seat 23H… now that’s a different story.

Raising up the package of Oreos, I say, “Who wants’ this, it’s paid for?”

“Mine, I’ll take it, really, it will go with my milk. Are you giving them away…?” the gentleman exclaims with childlike glee. Gosh, his little boy just showed up and he’s off to negotiate a contract and do a quality control checks on suppliers in Hong Kong.

Now all of a sudden I’ve become his cabin buddy.  Male bonding. You watch my back and I’ll watch yours! At the core it’s the universal value, a thoughtful gesture… simply thinking of others.

Something I can’t eat and could actually harm me becomes a confectionary olive branch or token of comradely amongst two strangers. The deeper value is thinking of someone and reaching out when not asked. It’s the thoughtfulness of creating value and finding a way to acknowledge someone and invite in the stranger. The Oreos were simply the metaphor for connection and care.

“Damn, thanks, this is great,” he laughed out as he dipped them in his milk.

Okay, now seat 22J is ready to pass in his tray and his package of Oreos is cracked open, yet still tucked within are three little treasures.

“May I have those?” I ask.  Then responding to his quick nod, I lift the package from the tray and holding it above my head I exclaim, “more Oreos,” to the glee of the kid held hostage to a middle-aged body and life of responsibility. A simple pleasure shared.

So today, where can you take something of little tangible value, give it away and in doing so acknowledge the infinite value of another? Where can you create touch or connection and demonstrate care, concern and compassion? Where may a simple spontaneous gesture have a priceless impact on someone’s spirit?  Where may even the empty calories of a timeless confectionary bring a smile to the heart of stranger? Where may you bring value to others and share a little bit of yourself today?

“What are your names,” I asked.

“George and Marcile,” he whispered.  “We’ve been married 59 years.”

Well, throughout the service I broke from my manners and we kidded back and forth at different times.  At one point I managed to drop the kneeler on his foot, which lead to a light rabbit punch on my arm.

At the end of the service during the announcements, our pastor announced the milestone of a couple that had been married for 50 years.  During the applause I leaned over and whispered, “amateurs.”

George grinned back and so I went onto say, “They’re just kids.”

At that point George, looked at me and in a matter of fact voice stated, “It’s all in your perspective.”

It does seem that most of life is that way.  Our perspectives shape our life, as thoughts are the foundation of beliefs, attitudes and feelings and all actions flow out from them.

As the service ended and we were walking out, I helped George with his cane and asked, “so how did you two meet?”

“Well,” he said. “It was at a mixer in college. I liked her but she didn’t like me at first.”

“Really… why was that?”  I said.

“Well, she didn’t like my name, so it took her a while to warm up to me.”  George shared, as he smiled and threw a glance Marcile’s way.

“Okay Marcile,” I exclaimed. “What was up with his name?”

Marcile started in, “Well, George was a name from John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men and there was a cartoon on TV that made George out to be not so favorable. They’d say, Which way did he go, George… and that bothered me for a while.”

Now I am thinking, what’s a while and how long is her while compared to my while.  “So uh, Marcile, how long was a while?”

George answer this one himself.  “We met in February, I proposed in June and we got married in September.”

So let me get this straight here, with all the time it took for her to warm up, it took you all the way to June to propose? That’s four whole months!”

He grinned and said, “John, it’s all in your perspective.”

What’s your perspective on the happenings of your work and life?  What are the true realities that you cannot change? Then consider, what are the perspectives, the lens, the history and context that you come to these situations with? What would change, if you shifted your perspective? Just a thought… but then everything begins with one.

Graduation is often seen through the lens of something completed.  It’s a good-bye.  A stage of life, a class, a level of accomplishment celebrated as finished. It should be!  Take the time to acknowledge, embrace and celebrate the achievements, all the effort and dedication… and the person you became in the process.  Then Commence to what lies before you. It’s as much a hello as good-bye.

Commencement means to begin. A commencement address is paradoxically a presentation about new beginnings at a time of finishing something big.  The passing of a test is honored with a new test… the rest of your life.  The celebration of the greatest of accomplishments is the exact same moment where you are most poised on the threshold of what’s next. It’s a new possibility, a blank page or canvass waiting for your creative gifts of expression. Your choices express your passions, define your destiny and create the pathway to your future.

To commence is to begin with vigor that which draws you forward.  To remove the anchors of past mistakes, set aside any baggage or failures and for that matter successes and take with you only the wisdom of each of the experiences and most importantly the person who you became in the process.

Your dreams and vision will define your next steps. They will introduce you to the new questions that need to be invited, asked, explored and reflected upon.  Your hopes will give you the energy to take you forward.  Your desires will attract new mentors and teachers into your sense of purpose and if you are aware, proactive and secure, you will let them join in.

As you commence, let me suggest you avail yourself to those who may share your journey with you and to those who may be open to come along side of you to help you champion your future. Focus on the possibility tomorrow brings and act today on your commitment to a future you believe is worth exchanging your life for. Make choices that celebrate your values, vision, passion and sense of purpose.  This will give greater meaning to the accomplishments and new relationships as well as the struggles and temporary failures that lie before you.

Commence into next leg of your journey.  Your future wants to introduce itself to you. Who you become in the process of pursuing your future will be it’s own gift.  Trust the journey. Choose wisely. Commence into who you are destined to be.  May today be a new beginning and may tomorrow be your reward.

Then our hosts invite us to enter the place where the children are cared for that are unable to walk and, in many cases, even sit up. We remove our shoes as we enter the area, as they are lying on mats and having lunch. The floor is their kitchen table. Let that sink in for a moment.  The floor is their kitchen table. My spirit is thinking, I have so much and yet can feel so lacking. I am humbled.

What happened next, I did not expect, was ready for, nor may never ever see again. Children with the most sever handicaps and limited capabilities, spoons in hand… feeding each other.  They are unable to feed themseves, so they feed each other. With the little they have, they feed each other.

Charity, care, or compassion?  Possibly it’s to simply meet the basic need of eating the only way possible. To forget themselves and to focus on another, they each are fed.  They feed each other. The hunger is quenched and the human spirit is touched in the deepest of ways.  Through another they are cared for.

Take a look this short video and notice the smiles and ask yourself, “How may I feed another today? Where may I bring a little joy, hope, or show concern?  Could it be that in doing so, my soul may the one that is actually fed?” In the background, Jana’s song takes on new meaning, “I want to be your friend, a little bit more…”

Today we visited two orphanages in Bangkok, Thailand. The first was for kids with disabilities. We come as six friends and colleagues to see how we may bring some joy, if even for a moment to a child.  Scott has toys, stickers and magic tricks.  Jana brings her guitar and gift of song.  Laurie is ready to lead the Hokey Pokey. Shari will demonstrate the three kinds of laughter. Mark will film and capture some magical moments and me… well I get to share a word or two though the translator and then lose myself in holding children who reach out for hugs or to be picked up.

We are careful ask how we may interact and the do’s and don’ts and protocols. It is our desire to strive to bring dignity to each moment.  Yet, once within the orphanage with our gracious hosts from Hope Worldwide… Well it’s six friends and a group of kids.

So in we go for our first visit and within moments it seems that all is forgotten and children begin to coax us out of ourselves with their smiles and hugs. As the barriers of communication begin to quickly drop, so do the walls around our own hearts. It’s the gentle prodding of our play coupled with their joy that meets across the atrium and within moments kids are reaching out for hugs and to be lifted from the concrete, into your caring embrace. Try to set a child down and they lift their feet as to say, “I can’t touch the ground, so not yet. Please, not yet.  Just play with me in such a way that I get to be hugged.”

So this morning we both give and receive hugs for hello. The trinkets we leave behind are memories of the play and touch, the smiles and song, the laughter and the grace of connecting hearts… even if for just a moment.

It’s interesting that as we come to reach out, hoping to make even a small difference, they in turn give us a gift of opening our hearts. Often the waves of tears we experience are not about the conditions of the orphanage; it’s the condition of our own hearts being revealed.  So you meet and know each other a bit… and yourself even more. Hugs for hello…

“I need prayers for my dad, please!”

JC: Praying…

“Thanks, bad news.”

JC: Yes and trust

“I’m trying”

JC: Yes and it’s really hard and it’s supposed to be

“Doesn’t make it easier to see the suffering. My pain is irrelevant. My dad lived a good life. He deserves much better.”

JC: All pain is relevant

“He suffers. It is enough. Like Jesus.”

JC: Yes like Jesus

“But he is better than us all. And I am only human.”

JC: He understands

“I understand. The reality still hurts. You understand.”

JC: Yep and you will in time.

“I don’t’ know. All I know is hurt now.”

JC: Then hurt

“I am”

JC: Then you are present

“I’m in an emotional crisis. I thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot to me.”

JC: Goodnight and peace

Everyone suffers from time-to-time, as it is part of the human condition.  Pain and loss are their own teachers. If you trust, then the process of suffering will introduce you to new gifts of discovery and growth. Please don’t cheat yourself out of this and be gentle and patient with yourself within the shudders of the unknown. Loss is supposed to hurt… and you hurt to heal. In a profound way, it is for you.