John Gorman's Media Blog

Radio's annual Halloween Party

2009-10-30T11:15:00.011-04:00

The annual radio industry haunted house party is being held at Clear Channel’s headquarters in San Antonio this year.

The joint actually feels haunted. For years, it was the center of the universe for all decisions made for its radio stations. Now it’s a disembodied mess and run by spirits from a distant city.

I’m sorry to report that Randall Mays, the soon-to-be-former CFO of Clear Channel, is boycotting this year’s party after being told by Bain Capital and Thomas H. Lee that he would have to get their approval before he could wear his Little Lord Fauntleroy costume.

Brother Mark will be coming as Pol Pot, the former Cambodian leader. Pol Pot eliminated hundreds villages in Cambodia and killed tens of thousands. Mark and his family eliminated hundreds of radio stations and altered the lives of tens of thousands.

The managing directors of Bain Capital and Thomas H. Lee need no costumes. Their very presence is scary enough. Just ask the banks that invested in the Clear Channel privatization debacle.

The unimaginative John Hogan wears the same costume year after year and this is no exception. He’ll be coming as the abandoned puppy dog, unsure of whom his next master will be.

Lew Dickey is bring two costumes. First, there's his customary Smartest Grim Reaper in the Room.

Unlike Clear Channel, Citadel, CBS Radio and other companies that set up their kills in a manner that you know that they’re coming but not quite sure who the victims will be, Lew just shows up unannounced and says, “Boo! You’re fired!”

His second costume is an Invasion of the Body Snatcher pod. After he fires you, he’ll take over your job and since he's always the Smartest Grim Reaper in the Room, he'll do it better than you.

Did you happen to read Lew Dickey’s interview in Portfolio? Click here if you missed it.

Here are a couple of highlights.

To cut health care costs at Cumulus, Dickey dumped Human Resources from the task and seized total control of the project.

“It’s handled at human resources. I think that’s a big mistake,” he said. “I could immerse myself in office supplies, and in 15 minutes I could have a knowledge about that.”

Frightening.

The unimaginative Peter Smyth is going to wear horse blinders and rose-tinted sunglasses. That way he won’t be spooked by the realities of increased unemployment, lack of consumer confidence, sucker rallies on Wall Street, and unsold inventory.

Farid Suleman is coming as Dracula. He bought ABC Radio, sucked the life out of it, and somehow, he’s still standing.

Dan Mason will arrive as Mandrake the Magician. With a wave of his magic wand, he’ll turn one of his stations into a contemporary hits format whether the market needs it or not.

Though he wasn’t invited and has no plans to show, Sirius XM CEO Mel Karmazin will be the most visible person in the room. Like it or not, Wall Street considers Sirius XM a “radio company” and of the top five, his is the only one showing a increase in revenue (+18.6 percent).

By comparison, number one chain, Clear Channel had a -7.4 percent loss; number three, CBS was down -12.2 percent; number four, Citadel was down -9.4 percent, and Cumulus, a -6.9 percent drop.

Now, that’s scary.

Almost forgot. At this party, "Trick or treat" has been replaced by "pay for play."

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The Dr. Destructo story

Forgotten anniversary

2009-10-26T18:36:00.009-04:00

Shame, shame, shame on me. One of the most important dates in recent history and I missed it.

I’m going to stop short of taking full blame here. There were no reminders. No hints. No nothing.

You’d think with Google and Wikipedia someone would’ve flagged this date.

I didn't even see a single Tweet about it.

Eight years ago last Friday, October 23, the iPod was introduced.

I was in my Apple store last week. I’ve gotten to know most of the people there.

You’d think someone would’ve invited me to stop by and have cake and ice cream last Friday.

But no. Not a word.

Do you remember the first iPod?

Radio ignored it.

The labels mumbled something about intellectual property and copyrights.

Though it was a significant technological advance over the Diamond RIO MP3 player, the iPod was compatible only with Macs, which excluded 90 percent of the computer market.

And only geeks and Goths and art students owned Macs.

It was weird looking and clunky; the size of a deck of cards. It didn’t look or operate like a radio or a Walkman.

Just a year earlier Diamond REO released its second and third MP3 players with 32 MB and 64 MB of internal memory respectably which were compatible with PCs.

They weighed roughly 2.5 ounces and ranged in price from $200 to $250.

The downside was their fragility. They were prone to cracks and breakage.

The iPod, by comparison, weighed 6.5 ounces and had a whopping maximum 5 GB of storage.

Initially, the only way you could add music to it was by ripping songs from CDs.

And it was pricey. $400.

2001 - the year that Apple introduced the iPod, it made $5.4 billion - nearly all of it from sales of Macs to geeks, Goths, and art students. It posted a loss of $25 million.

Let’s fast forward to last year’s figures. Apple made $36.5 billion - good for $6 billion in profits - from the sale of iPods, iPhones, Macs, and digital content.

220 million iPods users can’t be wrong.

While I’m thinking of it. We missed another important date earlier this year.

January 5.

The eighth anniversary of the sale of the first HD Radio.

That’s when Cedar Rapids, Iowa resident Nathan Franzen bought a Kenwood KTC-HR 100 HD Radio tuner to install in his 2001 Pontiac Gran Prix.

The less said about HD Radio the better.

220 HD Radio users can’t be right.

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Seger & Sweet in Cleveland

Radio: The Peter Principle

2009-10-20T17:31:00.031-04:00

Peter Smyth, it’s true that people are worried about the future of radio - or at least those of us who work for radio are.

I read your latest From the Corner Office last week and have to respond.

Peter, I’m not going to counter-point the half-truths and untruths in your latest letter.

Just a few points, please.

You say the Great Recession is over? Really.

How might I ask did you reach that conclusion? Unemployment continues to rise. Foreclosures are on the increase.

They’re related, you know.

If you don’t have a job, you can’t afford to pay the mortgage - and you lose the house.

And Peter, what does one do when they're foreclosed-upon. For one, they're less likely to spend whatever money they have left.

Our industry is based on consumer advertising. If they’re not buying, clients stop advertising. Some go out of business.

Here are all the stats you need.

The real world isn’t like radio, Peter. When Lew Dickey or Farid Suleman misses a payment, they have floatible options. They can give up more equity or try and pawn off debt.

Happy days are here again because the Dow cracked 10,000? Two words: Sucker’s rally.

Peter, you need to get out more. There’s little reality between Wall Street and Main Street. Or Dorchest er Street.

I can even show you a few empty storefronts Newbury Street? How about Copley Place? It has a few shaky tenants.

Remember that 10,000 hallmark was hit a decade ago - March 30, 1999 to be exact. So even by Wall Street terms, our economy is, at best, torpid.

Are we really better off today than we were a year ago? Yes and no. The stimulus programs - tax credits and “Cash for Clunkers” brought consumers out of hiding - but all of that money’s been absorbed.

How many publicly traded radio groups are about to go belly-up?

How about the radio industry? Are we better off today, post-pillage deregulation?

I’d prefer your optimism to remain cautious, Peter.

We now know that the country was thisclose to plummeting into another Great Depression. We also know that we’re not even close to lifting ourselves out of this current Great Recession.

Truth be told, Peter. We’ve managed some temporary form of stabilization in a still depressed market.

Did you read Northeastern University economic prof Alan Clayton-Matthews' take on the economy in yesterday's Boston Globe? "I had seemed we hit the bottom this summer, but I'm not so sure anymore."

Yes, I believe we will have a turnaround - but it will be slow and imbalanced. Not everyone will get out of here alive.

Could we agree that the Internet is to radio what the horse was to the car?

The first cars were manufactured in retooled horse carriage factories.

The engine replaced the part where the horse used to be.

The only surviving radio stations will be those with creative content and retooled and grafted to on line and mobile.

See, we don’t need more radio stations. We already have too many. We do need live and localized radio stations providing what our potential audience wants.

And I don’t care what your consultants say. Slapping one of your radio station apps on a smart phone isn’t social networking.

There’s only one alternative. It’s the obit you don’t want to read, Peter: After several attempts to shock the radio industry back to life with gimmicks like HD Radio failed, it was pronounced obsolete on - fill in the date.

Since deregulation, radio’s been in denial.

Don’t blame the casino for losing your money. Look in the mirror.

Don’t blame the audience for your loss of time spent listening. Just listen to your product.

Don’t say it can’t happen here. It already has.

Radio lives in an alternate reality where fish sing, birds swim, and humans get in the way of voice tracking and syndication.

There will be more rounds of economic disasters from time to time. It’s inevitable. But you are in control of your own destiny. The disasters will be measured by how much or how little you prepared for them.

Here are three more words: Commercial real estate. We haven’t felt the aftershocks - because the quake hasn’t happened yet. But it will. Those commercial deals were bundled up and sold along side the equally toxic subprime residential mortgages.

Remember the tech boom at the end of the last decade when VC’s were running out of ink signing off on anything that had the word Internet embodied in the first sentence of a business plan?

Remember it was assumed that housing prices would continue to rise forever, which led to banks giving away mortgages to anyone whether they wanted them or not? Supply and demand? Come on.

Normally, I try to let sleeping dogs lie. But this is one hound that keeps barking and won't shut up.

I’m talking about your bud Lew Dickey. He’s now whining to Inside Radio that he gave away the store just to fill inventory. He forgot to add that he and others kept adding more inventory, too, in an attempt to meet budget. Supply and demand? Come on.

How can you have demand when you have an endless supply?

I don't know how everyone missed this one. A couple of weeks back a Seattle paper got radio broker Gary Stevens on the phone to discuss classical music formatted KING-FM's financial problems.

You're familiar with classical music, Peter. You dumped the format in two markets, Detroit and Philadelphia. Too bad the formats you replaced them with stiffed, too.

Here's what Gary said about the radio market to Seattle Crosscut: "Two years ago, a Seattle FM would have been worth $50-70 million, even if it wasn't profitable. In the current meltdown, so few radio stations have been traded, there aren't comparable sales numbers, but if I had to guess, KING-FM might bring in $15-25 million, in today's market, assuming a buyer could find financing."

Times are tough when even a seasoned radio broker like Stevens is quoting rates out of Filene's Basement's automatic markdown - before the markdown.

Shall we join reality, already in progress, Peter?

Let’s start with this report from Veronis Suhler Stevenson (VSS).

Their 23rd annual U.S. Communications Industry Forecast report that the largest declines in 2009 ad revenues will be newspapers (-18.7 percent/$35.5 billion); consumer magazines (-14.8 /$11 billion); radio (-11.7 percent/$15.8 billion), and broadcast television (-10.1 percent/$43.0 billion).

Growth will come from digital media. VSS forecasts increases in mobile (+18.1 percent/$1.3 billion) and Internet (+9.2/$23.8 billion).

VSS also predicts 2010 will be the year marketers will move advanced and sophisticated social media into its mainstream - effecting nearly all marketing initiatives.

Sounds like radio has some work to do. Up for it?

Finally, Peter, are you aware of the TV sitcom Gary Unmarried. In a recent episode the lead character, played by Jay Mohr, is trying to land a gig as a L.A. radio sports talk show host. He sends the station a demo and….well, click here and hear it yourself.

Ouch!

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The song remains the same

Radio: How Rush Beck-oned the media

2009-10-15T14:20:00.015-04:00

What must it be like to be Rush Limbaugh’s babysitter?

When that Baby Huey kicks his high chair in Palm Beach, the aftershocks rock Clear Channel’s death star headquarters in San Antonio and their puppeteers Bain Capital and Thomas H. Lee in Boston.

The last few months have found Rush in the awkward position of playing second fiddle to rival conservative hatemonger Glenn Beck, who happens to be another high priced piece of Clear Channel property.

While Rush was basking his ego as being more popular than Michael Steele in the Republican party, Beck was perfecting the old crying evangelist trick - dabbing Vicks VapoRub just below his eyes, and bawling for America.

Beck, who also hosts a show on Fox News one-upped Rush on July 28 when he called President Barack Obama “racist” on the Fox and Friends show and accused him of having a "deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture."

That led to a number of advertisers, including Proctor & Gamble, Progressive Insurance, and Lawyers.com, pulling their spots from Beck’s 5 PM show.

Some radio advertisers also pulled off Beck’s Clear Channel’s Premiere Network syndicated show.

So what if some sponsors temporarily exited Beck’s Fox and Clear Channel shows?

They’ll be back. Liberals will tire from the torture of monitoring his show.

But the real crisis for Rush was Beck’s newfound publicity. Every media outlet was hammering Beck while Rush was just being Rush.

See, Rush always viewed himself as the Beatles and Glenn Beck as the Dave Clark Five. Now he feared that Beck could pull off the staying power of the Rolling Stones.

And have you seen what all the Beck publicity has done to the poor portly Rush?

He got his oink back.

Some news just sucks all the air out of everything else in the media. This was one of those cases. It was all Beck all of the time. It was if the king of all mean-spirited, racist, nativist, xenophobic radio hosts had been robbed from Rush and fenced to Beck.

The stress of being yesterday’s news had that porker packing on the poundage.

Rush has his addictions. Among them is to always be lead dog. He didn’t take well to Beck’s hindquarters blocking his view.

It’s not just about the money. Clear Channel pays him enough to buy controlling interest in Purdue Pharma.

It’s Rush’s insatiable ego that joneses him to get more media mentions than any other conservative shock talker.

So, he “leaked” news that he had joined a group of investors who were already negotiating to buy the 0-5 St. Louis Rams.

The group is headed by SCP Worldwide Chairman Dave Checketts, who owns the 2-2 St. Louis Blues NHL team.

The deal came with a somewhat convincing hook. Rush was spawned and raised in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, which is roughly 100 miles and change from St. Louis.

Rush played Checketts, the NFL, and African-American NFL players and spokespeople like a Stradivarius.

Knowing he’d be a lightning rod for objections, owing to his past negative and racial comments on the NFL, he went for it.

Remember this charmer from a January 2007 broadcast?

"The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons.”

In 2003, Limbaugh talked himself out of a Sunday commentator role on ESPN when he called Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb "overrated,” adding “What we have here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback can do well—black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well."

The Rams revelation permitted Rush to position his adversaries right where he wanted them.

NFL Commish Roger Goodell said, "I think divisive comments are not what the NFL is all about. I would not want to see those kind of comments from people who are in a responsible position within the NFL."

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay claimed he’d vote against Limbaugh as an owner because of comments that were "inappropriate, incendiary and insensitive."

Professional race card players Revs. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson fed the media their predictable, recycled, blah, blah woof, woof, over-the-top protests.

Several African-American NFL players insisted they would not play for or against a team owned by Limbaugh.

Not wanting to be in the middle of a racial war of the words while trying to close the Rams deal, Checketts dumped Rush and e-mailed a statement that read, “It has become clear that his (Limbaugh’s) involvement in our group has become a complication and distraction to our intentions. We have decided to move forward without him and hope it will eventually lead us to a successful conclusion."

And now Rush is playing his own card - the conservative card.

Here’s his pontification from Wednesday: "This is not about the NFL, it's not about the St. Louis Rams, it's not about me. This is about the ongoing effort by the left in this country, wherever you find them, in the media, the Democrat Party, or wherever, to destroy conservatism, to prevent the mainstreaming of anyone who is prominent as a conservative.

"Therefore, this is about the future of the United States of America and what kind of country we're going to have."

If you’ve forgotten why Rush kicked off this grandstand play in the first place - here’s two words: Glenn - who?

Had Rush not made that McNabb comment he still wouldn’t have had a chance to own a piece of an NFL team. There’s that little problem he had a few years ago when he got caught buying OxyContin on the black market. The league has a no tolerance policy with ex-druggies.

And even though the golden age of radio is long gone, the golden age for rampant buffoonery on the radio shows no sign of decline.
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The Sensational Alex Harvey Band

Radio (No) One

2009-10-12T18:45:00.016-04:00

You’re Radio One. You’re trying to make ends meet with 53 radio stations in 16 markets - and it’s not going so well.

Ever since those no good, rotten bastards at Arbitron rolled out the Portable People Meter (PPM), your urban formatted stations have gone into a ratings free fall. Since your ad rates are based on Arbitron data, the lower your ratings are, the lower your ad rates will be. The lower your rate, the more challenging it is to service your massive debt.

You’re Radio One and you’ve called for Rep. Edolphus “Eddie” Towns (D-N.Y.) to take care of your business on the Hill.

See, Rep. Towns as head of the House Committee for Oversight and Government Reform subpoenaed the Media Ratings Council (MRC), an independent industry org that certifies media ratings, to turn over audits of Arbitron’s PPM system to his committee.

After reviewing their findings, he accused Arbitron of “persistent problems” with their minority sample.

Let’s take a peak at their study. Towns’ committee issued a statement saying the subpoenaed documents proved that Arbitron recruited a sample audience of 5,400 people in New York - but only 2,700 — half of the sample — provided actual data.

His report stated that “the radio listening habits of over four million ethnic minorities are represented by only 500 Arbitron recruits” - and that similar sample problems are occurring in Arbitron PPM rated markets nationwide.

No one will argue that Arbitron's PPM isn't flawed. It's a slight improvement over the diary, which has been in operation for how many decades? Still, it's a 20th century flop. Had it been introduced in the late eighties or early nineties, it would've had its decade of fame. But what might've worked a twenty years ago isn't going to measure up in 2010. Not when you're selling against on-line, which can provide up-to-the-minute detailed data.

In research and information, methodology is vital. The manner in which data is mined circumscribes the results. The PPM is already old and in the way.

Some media experts believe that urban radio listening is down for the same reason that rock, alternative, and Triple A formats are taking it on the chin. Who's going to carry around an object that makes them look like they're being monitored by their probie?

Then you could also argue that urban format listeners - like those rock, alternative, and Triple A formats suffered audience erosion because most aren’t programming what their potential audience want to hear - and they can get what they really want on-line, on satellite radio, or listen to their own music on an MP3 player. .

The way radio is formatted today, an active and seasoned listener is least likely to listen to terrestrial radio. There are better options than formats as dated as the PPM's technology.

The contemporary hit format is racking up numbers because its tween and very young teen audience, still in their musically instant gratification current music phase, which terrestrial radio satisfies with tight high-rotation playlists. There are exceptions, of course, though very few, and they tend to be the few stations independently programmed for the market they're in.

Classic Hits does well because it's the new old fashioned adult contemporary - music for passive people who don't care about music that much but want to hear something in the background at work - in settings where terrestrial radio is still present.

You’re Radio One and faced with declining numbers you must be certain that every penny of potential revenue gets on the books.

Or do you?

The competition is always intense, but today, we have a new Dumbest Radio Rule to add to the never-increasing list of terrestrial follies.

Let’s visit this Radio One market’s policy. I don’t want to give away the market since I don’t know if the decision originated there or from the corporate office.

Here’s part one. If you don’t get your weekend and first-of-the-week spots in by Wednesday, they won’t run. No exceptions.

When spots don’t run, Radio One loses money.

Part two, should your Radio One account exec be on a forced, unpaid “furlough day,” on a day you want to buy time - forget it. You can’t. Add this. Just like those restaurants you never go back to - there aren’t any substitutions allowed. You can’t ask for another AE to write up the order.

I’ll say it again. When spots don’t run, Radio One loses money.

It’s another dollar chasing a dime. Maybe you’re saving some production o.t. and a few bucks with your unpaid furloughs. - but it’s not worth the business you’re not writing.

But wait. Let’s go back to Rep. Eddie Towns. Was he not part of a group that also included House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn (D-S.C.) and Charles Rangel (D-Manhattan) and that met with senior Obama administration officials this past August, demanding that minority broadcasters - including Radio One - be on the receiving end of a government bail out? Did Towns claim the station owners had a right to tap into the Troubled Asset Relief Program?

(There was a mayoral candidate in Cleveland named Bill Patmon who said on a Sunday morning TV political show that the government should bail out Clear Channel. Maybe he was gunning for an endorsement.)

Do you think Radio One should start saving their properties by having systems in place that insure that clients who want to advertise on their stations can advertise on their stations?

Just asking.

Last time I checked, that's the way commercial radio still made its money. Selling time.

Radio & TV: WTF?

2009-10-08T11:19:00.021-04:00

F-bombs, wardrobe malfunctions, nipple slips. BFD.

Communications lawyers have made millions from it.

It’s allowed a whole lot of bureaucrats at the FCC with too much time on their hands and who knows what on their minds to pretend to look busy.

But can anyone answer the question – What is the FCC supposed to be protecting us from? Words? Nipples?

On February 1, 2010 we will be celebrating the sixth anniversary – yes, you read that right – of the Super Bowl XXXVIII Janet Jackson nipple-slip wardrobe malfunction.

I’ll bet the broadcast barristers will still be racking up billable hours from it on that date and beyond.

On any given Sunday you’ll see more breasts flashed at a NFL game than all 44 Super Bowl broadcasts combined. And that’s still only half as many as you’ll see at a KISS concert or a foam party.

You’ll hear at least a dozen f-bombs drop at any NFL, MLB, NBA, or NHL game. If you’d prefer to limit your load to, let’s say, a half-dozen, try sitting in the bleachers at a Little League or kid’s soccer game.

That’s life. That’s how all the people swear.

The latest media-generated F-bomb of note occurred a couple of weeks back on a Saturday Night Live skit, “Biker Chit Chat.” The script had SNL newcomer Jenny Slate using the word “frickin,” – a good dozen times before her brain short-circuited causing her to accidentally blurt out the f-bomb instead.

“You frickin; just threw an ashtray of butts at my head. You know what, you stood up for yourself and I fuckin’ love you for that,” she said.

Just a few days before the SNL gaffe, WNYW-FOX 5/New York news anchor Ernie Anastos, did his own pardon-my-Greek gaffe.

It started with some innocent, playful banter with meteorologist Nick Gregory.

Anastos: “It takes a tough man to make a tender forecast, Nick."

Gregory, looking confused, replies: “I guess that's me."

Anastos: “Keep fucking that chicken.”

It’s the second most overused current catch phrase (the first being “inside baseball”). Loosely translated it means, “keep up the good work.”

The video is here. The best part isn’t Anastos’ use of the word. It’s the facial expression on co-anchor Dari Alexander.

Pardon my s-bomb but shit happens.

We’re nearly a decade into the 21st century. Don’t you think it’s time to legalize nipples and decriminalize f-bombs? WTF!

In 1950’s TV sitcoms married couples slept in separate beds.

In early 1962, after taking a continual beating from NBC ratings leader Bonanza, the ABC-TV series, Bus Stop, toughened up its dialog, taking liberal libertirs with the words “hell” and “damn.” It marked the first time on TV that someone other than a priest or evangelist used those words. An intolerant FCC ordered ABC to cut the cursing and the show was cancelled.

In April 1963, the Ki ngsmen, released “Louie Louie,” a poorly recorded cover of a Jamaican folk song. Within weeks, rumors that the unintelligible lyrics were sexually explicit – including liberal use of the f-word - spread across the U.S. and the FBI also embarked on a futile 31-month investigation into the alleged lascivious lyrics.

In September, 1964 when ABC-TV premiered the then-controversial Peyton Place series, based on Grace Metalious’ scandalous 1956 novel. Though the TV show could’ve been subtitled Who’s Pregnant and Who’s to Blame, the network censored the word “pregnant” for the first few episodes.

By the late sixties, previously profane on-the-radio words like “bitch” and “ass” were desensitized and worked into the mainstream lexis.

Even the f-bomb managed to escape non-trained ears on album rock radio in 1978 with the Who’s “Who Are You.” In 1991, Van Halen released their For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge titled album. Some historians claim the f-word is actually an acronym for those words.

Last year, Tori Amos had a Triple A radio format hit with “Big Wheel,” where two minutes and twenty seconds into the song she described herself as a MILF – repeatedly.

The first time I recall hearing the f-bomb in a song was in 1965 on the Fugs’ “Supergirl” from their first album, The Village Fugs.

My parents rarely cursed. I never heard my mother swear and my father’s were limited to the garden variety of “Lord’s name in vain” words. Knowing the neighborhood and the words I was bound to hear, I was taught at a young age that swearing exposed a limited vocabulary.

The first time I heard the f- word was in the first grade from Frannie Hart. His father was a hard-drinking longshoreman, who could easily drop three f-bombs per sentence.

Fast forward to today. It’s a profane insane world. Tweens and teens regularly text the f-word through Internet-driven acronyms.

The CW netwo rk, an equal partnership between CBS and Warner Bros., marketed last season’s Gossip Girl with the acronym OMFG, which is OMG with the f-bomb included. Rick Haskin, the chief marketing officer at the CW, told Advertising Age that he used the F-word reference because its tween-to early 20’s viewers used the same phrase in their own personal conversations.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney dropped an f-bomb on Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) on the Senate floor when he asked him to perform an anatomical sexual impossibility.

Not long after that confrontation, Cheney, while being interviewed live on CNN and MSNBC, was asked to do the same from an off-camera protester. The reporter, realizing the request was audible, asked Cheney, “Are you getting a lot of that, Mr. Cheney?”

Most linguists believe its origin is from the Middle English word fucken, which means to strike, move quickly or penetrate. The origin of that word comes from the German word, ficken, which has the same definition.

In 2005, director Steve Anderson released his documentary, Fuck, which examined the history and impact of the word.

Fuck, as a word, is infused in every aspect of our culture. It’s a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, pronoun, and interjection. IMFAO, it’s time we desensitize, decriminalize, and once and for all disarm the f-bomb. If radio and TV can get away with freakin’ and frickin’, what’s fuckin’ going to do? Communize us? Enslave us?

Like I said. BFD.

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More blasts from the past

Radio: The NAB Radio No Shows

2009-10-05T15:58:00.016-04:00

Do I have to come right out and say it?

When something doesn’t sell, you stop manufacturing it. When something doesn’t draw, you cancel it.

By now you’ve heard the attendance figures for the NAB Radio Show in Philadelphia a couple of weeks back.

2,507 showed. Give or take, plus or minus 700 paid the full registration fee. That means an estimated 1,807 attendees were provided either a discounted rate or were comp’d.

The final tally was written in red ink. The slogan for the convention should’ve been: “We feel your pain.”

Question 1 - If the NAB is imprudent enough to risk another NAB Radio Show next year?

No answer.

Question 2 - Has anyone bothered to speculate on how many radio chains will be in receivership by this time a year from now?

No answer.

Question 3 – Okay, let’s ask an easy one. So what was learned at this year’s NAB Radio Show?

Answer - Denial remains the single most common cause of the radio industry’s demise.

Hey, that answers the first two questions, too!

The NAB Radio Show 2009 was a top tier affair. By day one, everyone knew that if you weren’t a designer brand radio CEO, you were a caste away.

You rarely spotted Mark Mays or Lew Dickey walking amongst the common folk.

No, they were perfectly content to remain isolated in the safe harbor of their luxury mink prison suites.

Most attending the NAB Radio Show never even saw them.

Except for a rare appearance at the Dickstein Shap iro wingding, they were invisible.

What they don’t realize is that being invisible is not the same as being invincible, which they are not.

Did anyone not notice that the only time the Radio Show felt claustrophobic was when their egos inflated that room well beyond capacity?

And how about their communal deafness affliction? They could only hear themselves speak.

Their blinding intellect lit up the room like a ten-watt bulb.

Most attending the Dickstein Shapiro raced to the showers afterward to wash off the conceit, contemptuousness, and hubris they were sprayed with from this group.

My favorite story was about a certain radio CEO who pulled a “Do you know who I am?” routine to a trade paper editor who’d asked him a point-blank question in Four Seasons lobby. The editor’s replied, “Yes, but what’s your problem? Alzheimer’s?”

How about the radio industry realizing that the majority of those in it are the prime demo for A Touch of Gray?

Just think it only took the industry thirteen short years to figure out that it’s alienated generations from the medium.

Thirteen years of no mentoring. Thirteen years of not giving young people the opportunity to be creative and innovative.

You don’t buy a dog and bark for it.

Friends, like new media, became enemies and enemies, like the old guard that dragged you into this mess – namely those who have dominated the trades for the past decade, became your closest friends and advisors.

Smug is not a workable business plan. Neither is buy ‘em now and figure out what to do with them later.

Here’s an industry that, for the most part, employed a top-down management where national programmers delivered hard drives to market managers saying, “This is your format, these are your call letters, and cut budgets by 50 percent."

Now they’re doing a 180. They funneled profits from the communities they were supposed to serve and used the locals only as slave wage board ops. Now, they’ve lost time spent listening, younger demos, and have been forced to lower revenue, lower payroll, have fewer do more for less, and are now stuck in a downward spiral they can’t get out of.

They got what they preyed for.

No, they’re not admitting to their reckless and ruinous mistakes. They’re doing a 180 only because nothing else has worked. Believe me, they don’t know where they’ve been or where they’re going.

It can be turned around – but don’t expect to see those hogging the spotlight this year to be among them.

The only successful people in the radio business are those that know that the definitive competitive advantage is passion.

----

The Agora, April 1980

Radio: The flap on apps and Spotify spice

2009-10-01T10:13:00.010-04:00

The buzz at both the NAB Radio Show and Public Radio programmers convention was the need for stations to have smartphone apps.

Creationists and evolutionists can debate the chicken or the egg but you can’t argue app before content.

So what, besides Fred Jacobs and other brilliant salespeople whispering in your ear to buy, does an app do for a radio station’s listenership if its programming content just plain sucks out loud?

Too many stations are rushing their apps without having the content to back it.

There’s a huge difference between public and commercial radio. Public radio has content people want and can’t get anywhere else.

Let’s do the math. At this moment we have 85,000 apps in 20 different categories. The iPhone’s limit for apps is 148 – spread over 9 pages. What page do you think your radio station will be on?

There’s more. This week iPhone app downloads hit 2 billion. Do competing new app storefronts even have a chance? Android and BlackBerry’s apps aren’t even close to Apple’s tonnage.

Now, ponder this. The money this industry tossed on HD Radio could’ve gone to fighting the RIAA to be on line and able to play music on main and multiple support channels on the Internet and mobile – where everyone lives.

Instead, that money was thrown away on expensive licensing fees, transmitters that overheat and cost a ransom to run, and other miscellaneous costs that will never be recovered.

HD Radio isn’t showing growth. It’s a tumor eating away your revenue.

Here’s iBiquity’s Bob “Booble” Struble trying to snake-oil sell digital delivery by claiming your AM will sound like FM. You can accomplish the same – and reach a real mass audience – with your stream.

You want to get real creative? Put surround-sound on your stream. HD’s never going do that.

The smartest stations are those that didn’t fall for the hype. If you’re counting on that iBiquity IPO, keep counting and counting and counting….

HD Radio, otherwise known as the political machine grafted onto to the radio industry, is AM stereo in drag.

While those in radio best defined as clueless cheered for Apple’s new fifth gen iPod nano – FM radio included – none were aware that Apple also approved apps for RealNetwork’s Rhapsody and the Swedish-based Spotify.

Both operate free, on-demand music-streaming services. Those I polled in radio know of Pandora. Those I talked to who work for CBS Radio have working knowledge of Last.fm. A few knew Rhapsody – but fewer knew what it was – and absolutely no one had a clue about Spotify.

To the radio-radio people; those drinking the Kool Aid and believing everything they read from the NAB and RAB on the "success' of the “Radio Heard Here” campaign, let me explain.

Both Rhapsody and Spotify are fee on-demand music streaming sites. You can hear almost any song you request any time you want to.

Those I know who are not in radio – but know the net were surprised – no, shocked - that Steve Jobs and Apple would allow apps for both services – especially Spotify – even though it hasn’t launched in America yet.

See, 70 percent of all digital music sales come from iTunes. That adds up to around $958 million and change in Q3 alone. 74 percent of all digital music players are manufactured by Apple. And that’s not counting the iPhone. You want figures? The iPhone accounts half as many sales as all iPods combined – but its sales are growing in triple-digit percentages.

So ask yourself the question. Why would Steve Jobs cannibalize his own iTunes store? For the same reason a dog…never mind. Because he can. And because it makes sense.

Yes, initially it may cut into iTunes’ sales – but not really. Users of these on-demand services, which also include Ineem and CBS’s own $280 million acquisition Last.fm, also buy more paid digital downloads than non-users. Some of those instant requests translate to songs consumers buy from iTunes.

Remember, back in the old media days when terrestrial radio could break and sell music? Same thing. Well, not exactly. The one difference is that requests are usually songs you already know and want to hear.

Radio’s added value now and in the future will be to – paraphrase Tom Waits – give ‘em a little somethin’ they can’t get at home. If I have to explain it, you don’t belong in the radio business – or the entertainment business.

Back to Spotify. This is the one to watch for. It’s a next generation music streaming site. It’s more reliable (it’s less likely to deliver a re-record or different version of an original hit) and can deliver music as fast as most digital music players. It’s already the rage in Europe with 5 million users and scheduled to hit our shores by year’s end. Spotify already collected over 100,000 e-mail requests from potential U.S. users. It’ll come in two versions – free, with advertising and a commercial-free $16/month Premium.

Yes, media are changing rapidly. There is more to learn than any one person can assimilate. Attempts to control this new leviathan are beyond any one person’s capability.

Earlier generations had to master the evolution of old media. Today’s generation will master new media. They’ll need mentoring and guidance.

Therein lies a dilemma in attracting young people to the radio industry. Can we trust the mentoring of the next generation by those running radio today?

If you have to ask….

----

The Buzzard Movin' on up

Radio: Triton the titan

2009-09-28T18:48:00.032-04:00

I’m a firm believer that radio’s future lies with streaming and mobile – not HD Radio.

But I must preface that by voicing concern with Triton Media Group’s recent acquisition of Ando and Spacial, which were announced in a one-two punch just prior to the NAB Radio show convo and the RAIN Summit in Philadelphia last week.

These mergers provide Triton a vested interest in companies that control all aspects of producing revenue to on-line radio.

Triton’s backed by Oaktree Capital Management.

I’m curious how one company can legitimately provide streaming radio (either through hosting or software), sell advertising and also be an on-line ratings service.

The way I read it, these mergers provide Triton a vested interest in companies that control all factors of producing revenue to on-line radio.

That’s a lot of power and control for Mike Agovino, the CEO of Triton and following these mergers, the Capo di tutti capi of on-line radio.

Agovino’s been in the radio biz for 25 years and is a former resident of the Clear Channel-owned Katz Radio and Katz Interactive, COO of Clear Channel Radio Sales, and co-COO of Interep National Radio. Small world.

Keep in mind that those under the Triton umbrella worked out a collective deal with the Record Industry

Association of America’s SoundExchange with rates they can afford.

And this is strictly the Triton cartel we’re dealing with here. I said it in July and I’ll say it again.

Only the largest independent webcasters will survive: Accu-Radio, Radioio, Pandora, and Digital Imported/Sky FM.

SoundExchange, which is the collection arm of the RIAA takes 25 percent of webcasters’ gross revenues – not net - and their take is not limited to just what is earned on-air. If a webcaster sells merchandise, whether it’s T-shirts, coffee

cups, or hats –25 percent gross – right off the top – will go to SoundExchange/RIAA.

The big four label groups – Sony/BMG, Warner Music Group, EMI, and Universal Music Group, through the RIAA will own a 25 percent equity with independent Internet radio stations that play music controlled by the RIAA.

Pay-for-play, payola and other shady deals to manipulate airplay are not illegal for Internet radio. The Big Four will be free to cut side deals – like buying blocks of time for airplay.

It’ll be the RIAA’s version of green - recycling dead presidents.

Follow the money. It always leads to more money.

Now, I’m not saying that Triton would put the lean on the right people to insure that its competitors stay – or become – obscure, so as not to be a hindrance.

But it could easily do so if it wanted to.

If that’s the ticket, the future of Internet radio in the U.S. – particularly independent stations – and start-ups yet to come could be slim to none.

Like Michael Corleone said to his brother Sonny in The Godfather, “It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business."

If you have an edge in business, you take it. I would. You would.

I’m not sure if this falls in the category of smooth operator or shrewd operator or both. Agovino saw the opening and went for it.

I know, I know. You could say Triton’s not a monopoly. There’s TargetSpot. Okay, I said it. Let’s

move on.

While terrestrial radio wallowed in its self-inflicted misery at the NAB Radio Show in Philadelphia last week, Agovino’s Triton and the new Internet radio cartel were plotting the future.

Terrestrial radio’s streaming audio has already been screwed, blewed, and tattooed beyond recognition by the damaging deal done by David

“Fumbles” Rehr on behalf of the NAB with the RIAA. They ate Fumbles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And they handed terrestrial radio the tab.

But let's not worry.

Now we have Gordon Smith.

If the taxaholics at the RIAA get their way, they’ll tack on a performance fee for music broadcast on traditional AM and FM, too, which will lead to a whole lot of new news and talk formats.

Back to Triton. If I’m reading this deal the wrong way, I’d like to know – but I don’t think I am.

----

More 1979 interviews from Radio Music Report

Radio: What was the NAB's Gordon Smith thinking?

2009-09-24T19:33:00.011-04:00

Were you wondering what the new National Association of Broadcasters President and CEO was thinking while delivering his speech at the NAB Radio Show this past week?

Gordon Smith: It is an honor and a privilege to stand before you as the incoming president and CEO of the National Association of Broadcasters.

(Thinking: Hmmm…maybe I shouldn’t have jumped at the first offer.)

I’ve been fortunate to meet with many of you and learn more about the challenges you face, and the opportunities that lie before you in this digital age.

(What did I get myself into? ‘Challenges? “Opportunities?’ Who wrote this piece of high school crap?)

It’s both an exciting and a challenging time for the broadcasting business, and I plan on hitting the ground running

as your president and CEO to ensure your voices continue to be heard back in Washington, D.C.

(Did I really just say “hit the ground running?” That’s rule number one in Speechwriting for Dummies. Don't use old clichés from Mad Men scripts.)

As a member of the Senate, I worked across party lines to get legislation passed.

(I just wanted to be on the side that’s winning. What's wrong with that?)

Now, my politics are the interests of the National Association of Broadcasters, which

translates into serving radio and television broadcasters and the American people.

(What do I do now? I'm get paid by the people who are on the side that’s losing.)

Having served on the Senate Commerce Committee, I’m familiar with the issues that

impact America's local broadcasters.

(Whew! Glad I caught myself. I almost said 'America’s local bankers.' They don’t own the groups yet.)

I am also keenly aware of, and amazed by, the public service that you provide to your communities each and every day. In towns big and small, broadcasters provide their communities with national and local news, deliver informational programming, report vital emergency information and offer unparalleled entertainment choices.

(Yep. No doubt about it. I’m back in Washington all right. I'm back to lying through my teeth again.)

You are the glue that connects your friends, family and neighbors to each other.

(Glue? Ewwww…another Mad Men cliché?)

As broadcasters, you take seriously your responsibility to be a fundamental resource for your local communities and your commitment to providing public service. That is an awesome responsibility.

(I guess this job calls for a lot of lying….er...exaggeration.)

To call oneself a broadcaster, is truly answering to a higher calling.

(Who writes this stuff? Religious zealots?)

It’s knowing you’ve been entrusted with the public’s airwaves, and recognizing that what you report and air impacts the lives of your viewers. You serve your communities in remarkable ways, improving the quality of life and fostering the

principles of localism.

(Localism? The traffic reports I hear on radio report on accidents occuring at intersections that don’t exist!)

And it’s going to be my job to make sure policymakers and the rest of America understand the many ways broadcasters give back to their communities.

(Now, I get the joke about ‘What’s the difference between the NAB and the Liar’s Club?’ ‘Absolutely nothing.’)

America’s local radio and television stations are integral parts of the towns and cities they serve.

(I have to make a note and ask why they never pronounce the names of the suburbs correctly. Is this that newfangled voice-tracking thing I hear those radio guys whispering about?)

Broadcasters’ contributions to their local communities are diverse, enormously valuable and make a major impact on towns and cities all across the country-in large part because each individual station has the latitude to serve their audience’s unique and specific needs.

(Yeah, ask five Cumulus managers if they even know the name of the mayor in their city of license. Cumulus? Or was it Citadel? Or Clear Channel? CBS? It was one of those C companies. Maybe more than one? Maybe all of them?)

But many of the legal and regulatory challenges broadcasters face in Washington, D.C., such as the performance tax and the Satellite Home Viewer Extension and Reauthorization Act – or SHVERA – can affect your ability to support your communities and innovate to meet the demands of today’s rapidly changing media landscape.

(Make note to speechwriter. This is a radio convention, not a TV convention. These guys never even heard of SHVERA. Is that how you pronounce it?)

As Charles mentioned earlier, you have a dedicated team of professionals working to ensure you are represented in Washington, D.C.

(I feel like Pinocchio. I want to touch my nose.)

And I can not wait to join them. But as a former senator I know, that it is the commitment from association members – the grassroots strength of NAB – that makes an incredible difference. You must continue to come together to fight for the future of broadcasting.

(If you have to remind someone they have a future do they really have one?)

I want to commit to you, that you also have a new president and CEO who is dedicated to advocating on behalf of all broadcasters and focused on providing the best service

possible to our members.

(From what they told me about this Fumbles guy – I know not to write ten ten-page letters a day and carry around a can of Tab. Beyond that….what am I doing here? Maybe the frozen food business wasn't all that bad after all?)

Too often in Washington, D.C., we’re defined by labels. The label I want to be defined by now is chief advocate for America’s broadcasters.

(That’s what I get for not pre-reading this speech – even though the twenty-four people that prepared it assured me it was okay. Did I just say we shouldn’t be defined by labels followed by me asking to be defined by one? Make note….got to hire some new speechwriters.)

The issues that we face are many, and I know that there are challenges ahead.

(This is déjà vu. I used that same line when I took over the family frozen food business. People, please, I need some new clichés.)

But with input from our leadership and our members, we will focus on growing our strengths, improving our weaknesses and always serving as the premier advocate for America’s radio and television stations.

(Make note to destroy all copies of Speechwriting for Dummies.)

One of our great strengths is the value that we provide as free, over-the-air broadcasting. And we must continue to drive the rollout of innovative platforms to deliver your content and demonstrate the great possibilities of radio and television.

(I guess that means I have to cancel my Sirius subscription. I hate doing that. It’ll take forever. They just don't take 'no' for an answer.)

Charles spoke about the Radio Heard Here campaign and building a strong future for radio by embracing new

technologies. And we’re moving forward with these many initiatives like FM capable cell phones, HD Radio and Internet streaming.

(Did I really just say that? I’ve seen some bad campaigns in my life. Like my last Senatorial one. But this?)

These are all very exciting opportunities and it’s really encouraging to see radio come together and innovate in this digital age. And while I know this is a radio crowd, there is also much to look forward to with the advent of digital television. There are many doors opening for television broadcasters with the acceleration and development of mobile digital products and services. It's

amazing to think we will be able to watch live TV anywhere we are. Mobile digital television will transform the way we watch television.

Advances in technology are giving broadcasters opportunities to find better, more innovative ways to deliver the high-quality content and services that local communities expect and deserve. The ability of broadcasters to operate in a marketplace free of unnecessary regulation will only help to accelerate the development of new broadcast technologies.

You will be hearing more from me about these issues in the months ahead, so stay tuned.

(Okay, someone’s not paying attention. I specifically told these NAB idiots to cut the TV lines. These radio people don’t get it. I’m talking rubes…not tubes.)

It is exciting to see that broadcasters have their eyes on the future, and there are strong plans today to build a stronger tomorrow. I know that many of you are trying hard to survive in this challenging economy. I know it hasn’t been easy. But even in these difficult times, you are still there for your communities – always there to assist and provide a lifeline during times of crisis.

That is something you should all be proud of. And that’s one of the many reasons I’m proud to be here standing among you today.

(Damn. This is another line I used when I took over the family frozen food business. At least there I could hire immigrants and keep them part-time. Well, maybe radio could do the same thing? Make note - are there any laws against U.S. stations getting voice trackers from Bangalore?)

This is a strong industry with a bright future. And I am very excited to be a part of it. It is not only an honor to stand here among you – it is also an inspiration. Thank you for having me here today. I look forward to serving as your president and CEO and can’t wait to get started.

(Make another note….please call 'headhunter' back. I made a terrible, terrible mistake.)

Radio: The NAB Radio Show - Philadelphia Fiefdom

2009-09-23T17:11:00.025-04:00

Radio gets no respect.

Even in the City of Brotherly Love.

NAB Radio Show conventioneers woke up this morning to an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer that reads Radio should pay those who m ake it rich.

The answer to the question is “yes.”

The question – Did the National Association of Broadcasters fail to do advance p.r. with the local media for the NAB Radio Show?

The answer to the question is “yes.”

The question - Did the Record Industry Association of America not forget?

The RIAA kept it live and local by merely inciting a small local indie music production company, Philerzy, to compose a prudently timed and positioned op/ed piece on the evils of the radio industry.

How many radio groups own stations in the Philadelphia market? Not a single one thought of commissioning their promotion and marketing department to work the local media and promote the NAB Radio Show as a constructive event?

The NAB has been planning its Radio Show convention in Philadelphia for – what? - over a year now? You’d expect the NAB would've spent a few bucks for some upbeat advance p.r. on their event.

After all, it squanders millions with the Radio Advertising Bureau on its worthless, pointless, no results "Radio Heard Here" promotion while continuing to hype the dead-on-arrival HD Radio swindle.

That’s okay. The NAB Gang of Four will blame the p.r. bumble on Fumbles. Chalk it off as just another one that David Rehr let fall through the cracks during his brief reign as NAB Capo di tutti capi.

Amazing. Yes, it’s going to be that kind of week.

The NAB should've hired Judy Collins to sing "Send in the Clowns."

So the official meeting mode is one of guarded optimism. We keep hearing the economy’s already hit bottom and now we’re slowly and cautiously rebounding. Radio stocks are slowly uptrending. Billing should be back to normal any day now, right? R-r-r-r-r-r-right.

Now, repeat after me. Farid and Citadel are an exception, not a rule; Farid and Citadel are an exception, not a rule. Got it? Good. Keep saying it until you believe it.

Another one. If you’re reminded that radio listening, sales, and stock prices went to hell long before the economy tanked, just keep repeating the word bellwether – as in that’s what the radio industry is to the economy.

Yes, I hate to say it. Radio continues to mire in denial.

Dickstein Shapiro proclaims that radio is still profitable (But, shhhhhhhhh! Only if its many debt issues can be resolved) so we’re as good as being back in black.

Entercom CEO David Field even mentioned a potential for radio revenues to hit double digits next year. With ham like that you’d expect a side of eggs.

I’m not exactly sure what radio plans to sell or to whom. The last time I checked one out of six U.S. consumers, who make up 70 percent of our economy, are either unemployed or underemployed or have taken have taken pay cuts.

The free spending days are over. Consumers are trying to save whatever they can. The average home is now worth a third less than two years ago.

The only consumer upticks we’ve seen came from government induced “cash for clunkers” and tax credits for environmental home improvements. Put another way – the only money that circulating in our economy right now is government money. You say housing is up slightly? It better be considering we’ve propped up Fannie and Freddie. You say the financial sector is showing growth? It better be. We’ve propped up the banks, too.

You're kidding yourself if you don't believe the banking system is still fragile. We still haven't seen bottom with commercial real estate yet. Those deals were bundled and packaged together like the subprimes and sold off to investors a few years back, too.

There are some realities radio just fails to recognize. What if we go through another double-dip recession, for example? Just asking. Have an answer?

Here's the facts, kids. Some radio groups will be history. Consider this NAB Radio Show their last hurrah.

Look at Farid. He’s about to have his suit cleaned with him in it.

How many other stations will get dumped by owners due to heavy debt, tight credit, and falling values?

Some radio CEOs are so long in the face that they look like hound dogs. When the valuations really hit the skids they’ll be the hounds of silence.

I think we'd be better off if the NAB set up a makeshift morgue in one of the ballrooms. It’s better to get the body count done before credit begins to flow. It’ll provide opportunity for new groups and those former broadcasters who’ve been sitting on the sidelines waiting for the moment when the adults will take away stations from the children who’ve broken them.
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Brian Chalmers tribute announced

Radio: Mr. Smith goes back to Washington

2009-09-19T15:27:00.029-04:00

Damn it. The 22^nd annual Public Radio Programmers Convention had just wrapped up. It was an encouraging, energetic convention full with creative people and innovative ideas and concepts. The one distinct difference between commercial radio and public radio is that the latter doesn’t play the victim. Nor do they have to be convinced that the future of radio is localism coupled with rights to every viable broadcasting platform. They fully recognize that their new market is on line. I was about to write something about the convention and its many creative participants when I got the news.

I’d also written up another piece congratulating the National Association of Broadcasters for not trying to jump the gun and sign, seal and deliver a new President and CEO in time for the NAB Radio Show in Philadelphia this week. That move, I wrote, would’ve harkened back to the years when do-or-die mergers would be hastily wrapped up to meet the NAB convention deadline. Remember the years when Karmazin, Ginsburg, Michaels, and others who are no longer part of the terrestrial radio cartel would strut through the halls of the NAB basking in the glory of their latest radio mega-merger?

The NAB has been without an official leader since David “Fumbles” Rehr was fired last June. That was the best news from that org is years. We got through the summer comparatively unscathed.

My take was to let the NAB Gang of Four mind the store, with COO Janet McGregor as acting President, while leaving it up to both the radio and television industry to decide whether or not one organization should handle both radio and television – or would it be best for each to have its own association.

But, no. When will I learn? Buddy Starcher was right. History repeats itself. First, as tragedy, second, as farce.

So who’s Fumbles’ follow-up?

Former Senator Gordon H. Smith, come on down.

Barring contingencies, the 57-year old former two-term Republican Senator from Oregon will officially take over Fumbles’ former functions on November 1^st. He’ll make a brief appearance at the NAB Radio Show this week.

He was born in Eastern Oregon and raised in Maryland. He attended Brigham Young University and Southwest University of Law.

Before he was a U.S. Senator, he served in the Oregon State Senate, including one session, in 1995, as Senate President. He was defeated for reelection last year by Jeff Merkley, a Democrat.

Prior to entering politics, Smith took over his family's troubled business, Smith Frozen Food, one of the largest distributors of its kind in the U.S. Though he turned the business around, he was hit with charges of poor working conidtions, waste water violations, employing illegal immigrants, and low pay. Only a third of his work force was full-time and receiving health insurance. When Smith entered politics, his wife Sharon took over as its President, CEO, and board chairwoman.

Smith served in the U.S. Senate from 1996 to 2008, where his committee assignments included the Senate Commerce Committee, the panel that oversees all broadcast-related legislation.

He’s one of the guys that the NAB used to lobby. Now he goes from getting his butt kissed to butt kisser – a feat the Record Industry Association of America (RIAA) has down to a French kiss science.

He took the nets side over his constituents and consumers when he voted against the sale and use of DVRs, like TiVo. Now, he’ll have to apply reverse logic to do battle against the RIAA on Capitol Hill. The good news is that he’ll also be on the side of consumers by beating back those thieves.

Smith was considered a moderate Republican. He supported gay rights, including the Human Rights Campaign but flip-flopped with the Federal Marriage Amendment.

One of his most radical move was as chief co-sponsor of the late Senator Ted Kennedy’s hate crimes bill.

Smith’s independent streak most likely stems from being red in a blue state. How much of his purple is politically

motivated versus acting on logic and opinion remains to be seen.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, this joke’s already making the rounds: The other unemployed Mormon, Mitt Romney must’ve turned it down. But don’t laugh. There’s a six degrees of Romney and radio as a founder of private equity firm Bain Capital, which now shares ownership of the cracked and cratered Clear Channel with Thomas H. Lee, another Boston-based p.e.f.

I don’t care if Smith’s religion calls for him to paint his face blue and howl at the moon to chase the devil away. My concern is that, unlike his fumbling, bumbling, letter-writing

predecessor, he will stand up to the radio industry's Satan - The Record Industry

Association of America (RIAA) and have enough juice on Capitol Hill to beat back those bastards and show that organization’s true colors and intentions.

So far, the NAB has given away the store these thieves time and time again. The best Fumbles could do was lob verbal dud grenades at the RIAA and others challenging the radio industry.

"I am honored to have been selected as NAB's new president and consider this an opportunity of a lifetime," sayeth Mr. Smith. "As radio and television stations embrace new technologies and new business opportunities, I look forward to articulating to public policymakers the unique and positive role played by local and network broadcasters in the fabric of American society."

"We conducted an exhaustive search to identify the very best individual to lead a great trade association," said NAB Gang of Four member and Joint Board Chairman Steve Newberry. "We're convinced we have found that person in Gordon Smith. His background as a lawyer, a statesman, and as an entrepreneur — coupled with his extensive knowledge of broadcast issues from having served many years on the Commerce Committee — make Gordon eminently qualified to represent the interests of free and local broadcasters in Washington."

We know he's a television guy. Whether he has the stuff to be radio's savior remains to be seen.

True, we haven’t buried the Citadel and Cumulus way of doing business deep in a cement-filled plutonium tomb yet – but we’re getting closer.

And, no, Smith has not been briefed on Clear Channel CEO John Hogan’s been there, done that, and what did it really amount to in the end style of management either.

Please, whatever you do, don’t show him the RAB’s Best of Radio website.

We don’t want to discourage him before he starts his new job.

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The Cleveland Press covers the Buzzard in 1977

Radio: Everything you know is still wrong!

2009-09-14T16:36:00.016-04:00

Are most of the present decision makers in the radio industry downing shots of Absinthe?

I’m talking about the real stuff that’s laced with thujone.

There is no other probable explanation for their recent hallucinations and psychoactive statements.

Take the announcement Apple made regarding the inclusion of an FM radio on their new iPod nano.

While the rest of the world was fixated on seeing Steve Jobs live in the flesh following predictions of his imminent death, many in the radio industry could only hear him utter two letters - F and M.

Will this new 5th generation iPod nano erase all memory of the new Microsoft Zune MP3/HD Radio player?

It already has.

While the new Zune HD attempted to challenge the iPod 4th generation touch, Apple’s changed the rules of war and moved on to capturing the market for those who wanted the iPod experience but were unable to afford to.

This is the new entry-level iPod. That FM radio isn’t there as added value. That’s reserved for the rest of the nano’s functions. The 8 GB model retains for $149; 16 GB is $179. The new nano has a wider screen, video camera, microphone, pedometer – and yes – an FM radio.

They really don't get it. Apple is set on capturing what’s left of the radio listening audience to sell product to from its own iTunes Store. The nano’s FM features a “live pause” to tag music to reference and buy later. Consequently, you know it will convert users to listening to their own music instead of the radio.

They read what's left of the radio trades at Apple. They probably know more about the Arbitron's PPM than you or I do and identified a revenue stream from hit radio listening tweens and teens.

Come on, get real. When is the last time you heard someone say, “Hey, could you turn off your iPod so we can listen to the radio?”

When was the last time you heard someone say, “I’d rather have a Zune?”

I'll don my Swami hat and predict that this 5th generation iPod nano will be the most popular consumer electronics gift this Christmas shopping season – and it will bring a large number of first-time iPod users on board – including scores from lower income families and minorities.

For some radio execs the FM frequency on an iPod nano is worthy of a Sally Field moment. “You like me, right now. You like me.”

If you were under the impression that the practice of embarrassing letter-writing was tossed out with the firing of David “Fumbles” Rehr as CEO of the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB), I have some bad news.

Fumbles may be long gone but his letter-writing legacy lingers on. It’s now been taken over by the Fumbles stand-in, best known as the NAB Gang of Four. They wrote this embarrassing love letter to Steve Jobs.

If you don’t want to read it, I'll give you the abridged version: “We like you, we really, really like you, Steve.”

For the record, the NAB Gang of Four are Steve Newbury, President and CEO of Commonwealth Broadcasting – and Chairman of the Joint Board of Directors of the NAB; Charles Warfield, President and CEO of ICBC Broadcast Holdings and Chairman of the NAB Radio Board; John David, Executive VP of NAB Radio, and Janet McGregor, acting President and CEO of the NAB.

Did they ever hear of leaving well enough alone?

Did they ever hear of e-mail? Come on. Steve Jobs hasn't read a snail-mail letter in decades.

Moving right along, you’ve heard that CBS plans to increase radio's promotional and marketing of HD Radio. In the CBS markets I’ve been in over the last few months - at least one promo an hour for HD Radio has been logged on every one of their stations. If no one’s buying into HD Radio after ten years and dozens of "new" campaigns – do you think that maybe – just maybe - it’s never going to catch on and consumers are ignoring you for good reason? To every season – churn, churn, churn.

Now, let’s take CBS Radio’s plot to carry their acquired Last.Fm Internet property on four of their HD Radio channels (WWFS, New York; KCBS, Los Angeles; WXRT, Chicago; KITS, San Francisco). That’s analogous to converting a CD library to eight-track. Nor is it an exclusive feature. You can already get Last.Fm on smart phones.

When will they learn? There’s planned obsolescence and then there’s just plain out-of-the-box obsolescence. HD radio has been the latter since its roll-out. Show me the growth? You can’t.

Prove to me in a real – not imagined - survey, that actual sales and use of HD Radio has shown growth supporting the need for the radio industry to continue supporting it. You can’t.

How about those HD stations that are forced to shut down because of overheating – or because a chain’s regional chief engineer is handling 35 stations in the region can’t get back into the problematical market until tomorrow, or the day after? Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration - unless you’re Cumulus.

While you’re at it, show me your electric bill since you’ve installed your HD Radio transmitter. You can't and you know why.

Groups that invested in HD Radio? Hey, we’ve all made mistakes. Granted, that was a major one. Like the Red Sox selling Babe Ruth to the Yankees, New Coke, Fen-phen, the leisure suit, the XFL, and the Titanic.

But I reserve my favorite Absinthe comment for Clear Channel. Lately, Hogan’s zeros have been laying low – until last Friday when they made the stunning announcement that they would award a total of million dollars in free advertising across radio, digital, and outdoor to the top three agency winners of the annual 4A’s O’ Toole Awards for creative excellence. The first prize winner would get a half-mil in free advertising. Second and third place will land $300,000 and $200,000 respectively.

Clear Channel must have a profusion of unsold inventory.

I’d love to see the specific breakdown. Are we going top of card for rate? Is this really going to be a test to determine exactly what Clear Channel does with a $500,000, a $300,000, and a $200,000 campaign? This ought to be good. Then again, maybe not.
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Kid Leo & Jeff Kinzbach interviews from 1979

Radio: Stay of execution?

2009-09-08T20:21:00.017-04:00

Pick your own analogy.

Stay of execution?

Persistent vegetative state?

Does it really make a difference?

Some of the best-known radio chains in the U.S. are the equivalent of the 1987 Mobro inciden t.

Remember the Mobro? It was the name of that renowned New York garbage scow that was turned away by every state along the eastern seaboard and three other countries. No one wanted their trash.

We have radio chains defaulting – or close to it –but the banks don’t want to take possession.

Since there’s no credit to be found there are no buyers to be had – even at fire sale prices – both sides are still stuck in deals they can’t get out of.

Take Citadel.

Disney sold their ABC Radio group to them the same week

they bought Pixar from Steve Jobs in an unrelated pair of deals, which could be best described as out with the old and in with the new.

ABC Radio was the country club of radio chains. At ABC, you didn’t have to work hard. You hardly worked.

History will record it as one of the worst radio deals ever concocted.

You can find the gory details here. Put another way – this one was about Disney selling their real “Mickey Mouse operation.”

Citadel renegotiated its deal with creditors twice this past year and landed a waiver for its leverage requirements through the end of this year. On August 15^th, Citadel missed a $2 million interest payment on its subordinated debt. It had previously renegotiated its deal with creditors twice over the past year.

Its next payment is due next Tuesday, September 15. The company has $27.8 million in cash and south of $2 billion in debt. Can you spell default? Remember this date: January 10, 2010. You know how time flies when you’re on the run. Tick, tick, tick.

The economy only adds to radio’s problems, which stem from overpaying for properties back in the immediate post-radio deregulation days when the battle cry was “buy ‘em now and figure out what to do with ‘em later.”

That U.S. media ad budgets fell by $10 billion-plus in the first six months of 2009 just added to radio’s misery. The Financial Times breaks it out here and they didn’t even bother to mention radio.

I spend a fair amount of time with ad people. Radio clients – past and present – noted a decrease in effectiveness over the past decade – some of it attributed to too many spots in a cluster while others feel radio listening is in a steady decline; therefore, less effective. Eventually, the ad market will bounce bank. When it does will radio be part of their plan?

I carry the curse of being a magnet for opinions and discussion about radio. It’s nearly a given that when I’m introduced to others in a social setting, the conversation will tilt toward radio as in “what ever happened to…”

That leaves me to explain why something that’s free and so readily accessible is used by so few.

Then there are always a couple of people in the crowd that are proud to say that their subscriptions to satellite radio are worth it. And, these days, at least one or two people will whip out their smart phones to turn me on to their favorite on-line Internet radio stations (which I thoroughly enjoy). It's the new "what's on your iPod?"

Clear Channel corporate complain that they’re the lightning rod for everything that went wrong with radio, post-deregulations. But they deserve every bolt thrown their way. What Lowry and his silver spooned children didn’t realize was that deregulation would lead them into a death march, forcing everyone to lower rates, lower revenue, lower payroll, have fewer employees do more and find themselves in a downward spiral where the

only solution to death is to keep downsizing.

Last week the Wall Street Journal did another throwaway piece on the state of the radio industry. Did you see the headline? Radio Firms Beg Lenders for Mercy.

Is that the same kind of mercy Cumulus shows its staff? Earlier this year, in the court of the Crimson King, CEO Lew Dickey informed his managers that they’d be penalized with a 5 percent salary cut if they failed to reach their goal. One manager in a particularly difficult market hit 99.59 percent of his second quarter revenue goal – but because he fell short by 0.41 percent, he got the

5 percent slash.

Since Lew (how many times did he tell you he went to Harvard?) claimed on more than one

occasion that he subscribes to the ethic of reciprocity (that’s the Golden Rule for those of you not worthy of his “smartest man in the room” title), don't you feel that Cumulus should be treated with the same respect the next time their troubled finances come up for review with their lenders? Do unto others, as you wold have them do unto you. Right?

America’s stuck in neutral and will continue to be until credit begins flowing again – albeit cautiously. Whatever the case, radio chains are ready to unload properties at fire sale prices but no one - including those who have the wherewithal to reinvent the medium, are liquid enough to go on a buying spree.

Until then, we’ll have to put up with borrowers and lenders acting like a last-place baseball team with the pitchers blaming the hitters and the hitters blaming the pitchers.

You know that game some morning drive shows play – Dead or Alive? Contestants are told the name of a celebrity and they have to guess whether they’re living or dead.

I think they’ll be a new version of that game dealing with radio groups.

Citadel…dead or alive? What about Cumulus? Emmis? CBS?

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How the Rock Hall was won

TV's N F Hell

2009-08-31T19:23:00.007-04:00

Finally. Some good news for radio.

And it’s at the expense of local and network TV and the National Football League.

A much larger-than-expected number of markets - San Francisco, Oakland, Detroit, San Diego, Minneapolis-St. Paul, St. Louis, Jacksonville, Cleveland, and Cincinnati most likely will not sell out all of their home stadium tickets this season.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are likely to have their entire home season blacked out.

The San Diego Chargers haven’t sold out any home games – and could also have most - if not all of its season off local TV.

You ask for the definition of desperation and I’ll give you the only reason the Vikes signed Brett Favre. They’re frantically taking a shot to goose up their anemic ticket sales.

It worked, almost. The Vikings moved 3,000 season tickets and 10,000 single-game tickets within 24 hours of the Favre signing announcement. They still have 7,000 unsold season tickets that’ll take some creative marketing to move.

Did anyone ever thinking of asking the Vikes why they had so many unsold tickets to begin with?
NFL rules call for a local market blackout of games that fail to sell out 72 hours before kickoff. No sell out, no TV, no exceptions.

Last season, 96 percent of home games were carried locally. The previous four seasons were at 95 percent. The all-time high was 97 percent in 2006, when everyone was still partyin’ like it was 1999.

It wasn’t always like this. Over 20 percent of home games were blacked out locally prior to that charmed decade when most were spending more money than they really had. You know, way back in 1999.

Now, the NFL’s getting a taste of the downward spiral.

Local CBS and FOX affiliate TV stations get an average 20+ rtg on a home team broadcast. Local spots go anywhere from $500 to $1000 per rating point. These stations stand to lose $10,000 to $20,000 per 30 second spot-depending on the market.

But don’t shed a tear for the NFL. They pulled off a deal with the nets that guarantee each team around $125 million a year. Heads they win, tails, you lose.

Unless you know someone who can pirate the games from a Slingbox or jerryrig the NFL on-line video feed or Direct Ticket, local radio will be the only place to get the play-by-play in real time in those problematic NFL markets.

There’s another problem. How many radio stations in to-be-blacked-out markets already filled most or all of their game inventory for the season making it too late to jack-up rates?

But at least it’s not TV.

Face it. TV is screwed, blewed, and tattooed on this one. Even if the local games are carried, TV’s been hit with a steep decline in auto and financial spot buys. Coincidentally, those two categories are among the NFL’s largest advertisers.

Yes, even the good days are bad.

Radio: CBS Radio's thirty percent solution

2009-08-26T15:32:00.028-04:00

Aw, come on. Stop your whining!

So you work for a major to medium size market newspaper. Your owners instituted optional buyouts, mandatory pay cuts – on average between 10 to 12 percent – and week-to-ten day unpaid furloughs to non-union employees.

It could be worse. You could be working for CBS Radio in Cleveland.

Maybe you’re in television, where buy outs are strongly suggested and the alternatives not very pleasing. There, you’re looking at pay cuts hovering around 4 to 8 percent, and unpaid week-to-two-week furloughs.

It could be worse. You could be working for CBS Radio in Cleveland.

And radio? The marrow’s already been sucked out of the bone in that industry. The pilots are automatic and voice-tracking’s the norm. There’s no need to endure the foul breath of those plebeians.

Say you’re that rare real live flesh and blood human still working in local radio and not playing a significant role in the top morning drive show in the market. You now know how an endangered species feels when learns that it’s endangered.

It could be worse. You could be working for CBS Radio in Cleveland.

Here's the CBS Radio backstory.

Akin to most publicly traded radio chains; it's had downsizing disasters, demotions in motion, and survivors doubling to quadrupling up on duties.

I’m not sure if this goes for other markets but in Cleveland CBS Radio recently imposed a 30 percent pay cut for selected employees in a take it or leave deal.

I never would've known about it if it weren't for some local agency people that tipped me off - and asked me for my take on it. This was a well kept secret. For a day or two. When will they learn? This is the Naked City. Secrets don't stay that way for long. I should've known something was up when one of their former account executives posted his resume on every media site around town, including mine.

You read that right. Thirty percent. That’s almost a third of one’s salary.

It’s bad enough when one must scale household budgets back five, ten, fifteen percent – but thirty? Making ends meet just got tougher for the selected servitude of CBS Radio Cleveland.

I wonder how many CBS Radio employees were able to convince their bank to discount their mortgage by 30 percent?

This is what we call deflation. And in its truest form it’s deadly.

This marks the first time since the Great Depression that companies are cutting jobs and existing wages simultaneously.

It’s supply and demand. If there’s no money left after paying off the essentials like food and shelter –goods stack up at retail, which force prices down.

I wonder how many CBS Radio employees were able to convince their local supermarket to give them a 30 percent discount on their food bill?

Thirty percent also means that anything left over will not be spent on anything less than an absolute necessity. Consumers that can afford to will save whatever they can for an uncertain future.

And the only certainty at CBS Radio is that it’s not going to change.

Though CBS Radio told the Wall Street Journal it’s projecting an uptick in revenue in the third and fourth quarters of this year, facts are facts. CBS Radio revenues were down 29 percent in the first quarter and 23 percent in the second. Maybe “Cash for Clunkers” brought a few auto dealers back to radio – but now that it’s over do you really believe they’re going to continue buying time at a clunker’s clip?

And consistency is not one of CBS Radio’s stronger points. 20 percent of its stations have changed format over the last two years.

Let’s read between the lines of their claim that their format flips in New York, L.A., and Chicago boosted revenue. The stations replaced their higher-priced full-time talent.

What’s the translation? Downsized positions at CBS Radio aren’t coming back. If you agreed to the 30 percent pay cut in Cleveland you’ve lived to see another day.

CBS Radio would certainly like to sell some of their stations, Cleveland included, but who’s got that kind of money and willing to risk it on radio?

Lenders aren’t lending. The only radio station buyers are those like Larry Wilson who have the liquidity to do so with their own dough.

Even a massive fire sale doesn’t do much good if no one has money to buy radio in these deflationary times.

The radio industry could learn something from Bill Veeck, the last owner to bring a World Series championship in 1948 to the Cleveland Indians. He said, it wasn’t the high cost of talent killing the game; it was the high cost of mediocrity.

The same could be said about the radio industry, post-1996.

CBS Radio, where one manager insisted that company policy was "Don't be creative!"

CBS. The acronym for Cut Budgets Severely.

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Buzzard Vehicles

Media: Imus - Fox Business blues

2009-08-24T10:13:00.011-04:00

In media, like politics, the jokes write themselves.

Did you hear the latest about Don Imus?

Well, first things first.

Let me preface this with a fact.

Yes, Don Imus is still alive. No, those shows aren’t posthumous reruns that are on the few, mostly Citadel o & o's, radio stations that carry him.

Imus just does the same old show every day. He’s talk radio’s version of blah, blah, woof, woof.

Now no one’s saying they don’t know cheap – but if Citadel CEO Farid Suleman and his sidekick Judy Ellis could really squeeze a nickel until the buffalo choked, they’d have Imus voice-track one morning show and run it for an entire week. Scratch that. You could go for a whole month.

Believe me. His audience? No one will notice. No one will care. Is there one market where he’s even in the top ten? Who or what is his audience anyway? Does anyone know of someone who actually listens to Imus?

Imus’ radio show is also simulcast for television – and this is the news at hand.

The way-past-his-prime Don Imus is swapping one low-rated cable TV channel simulcast for another.

He’s leaving Rural Free Delivery TV (RFD-TV), which bills itself as “Rural America’s most important network” for the Fox Business Network (FBN), which will now video simulcast his radio show.

RFD-TV’s programming is targeted to the U.S. farmer and cattle raiser. It carries a mix of farm news and reports and classic country music programming, comparable to the old Nashville Network cable channel. They even carry a show that auctions cattle that look like Don Imus.

Its distribution is limited to the upper tier channel placement at Dish Network and DirecTV satellite systems, Mediacom, Charter Communications, NCTC cable cooperative, and a few independent rural cable companies.

According to Nielsen, RFD-TV averaged 49,000 viewers year-to-date. RFD is available to 40 million households.

Chances are you’ve heard of but never watched FBN. It’s is the “other business cable/satellite network,” launched by Rupert Murdoch in October 2007.

The ratings-challenged channel is available to almost 50 million homes nationwide, compared to over 90 million for rival CNBC.

With exception to Manhattan, FBN is in the optional upper digital tier of cable and satellite systems.

Upper tier channels cost subscribers of cable and satellite TV additional fees to receive.

According to June 2009 figures from Nielsen Media Research show that FBN was watched by an average of 21,000 people nationally from 5 AM to 9 PM. That’s 11 times smaller than that of CNBC’s audience in the same daypart.

Imus is not trading the farmhouse for the penthouse. Try under the bridge.

Bloomberg News, the original business channel, which is also available in real-time on line, is unrated by Nielsen.

At the time of its launch, in October 2007, Fox hyped FBN as a younger, sexier, edgier business channel – or CNBC with raging hormones – designed to capture the latter’s younger, more active end of the business channel viewing demo.

To give FBN some Wall Street cred – and at least one person that looked over 25 - Murdoch lured long-time CNBC "Red Fox" Liz Clayman to his den.

The only stipulation was that her skirts had to be even shorter than Fox News Channel's Fox & Friends’ Gretchen “the Flasher” Carlson’s.

Hoping for a cable channel cat fight, FBN pitted Liz opposite Money Honey Maria Bartiromo in the 2-5 PM afternoon drive slot. But CNBC viewers were more engrossed in their own in-house Betty/Veronica, Mary Ann/Ginger assessment of Maria and Erin Burnett.

Liz Claman – even calling in favors from blue-chip guests like Warren Buffet and Bill Gates – quickly became forgotten but not gone.

Now, it appears FBN has given up on being the MTV or G4 of business channels. It’s now going in the exact opposite direction by handing over morning drive to an ancient artifact whose appeal is strictly octogenarian-plus.

What Stonehenge is to the Druids, FBN is to has-beens.

“We have to teach people we exist, and then convince them to find us,” sayeth Kevin Magee, the executive vice president for FBN. “And then once they do those two things, they have to watch us.”

Whatever you say, Kevin. Unless you’re strictly looking for a blip in assisted living and nursing homes, your chance of Imus increasing FBN numbers is slim to none.

There must be an addendum on all Fox News and Business contracts that reads, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”

Media: Zell hath no fury

2009-08-19T16:35:00.015-04:00

If Sam Zell were a horse he’d be gelded.

Tell me what there is not to like about the news that the Internal Revenue Service and the Labor Department are investigating Sam Zell?

This revelation is hot on the heels of reports that Tribun e Corp. creditors are demanding that the portly pugnacious Zell and his ex-Clear Channel crackerjack cronies get relieved of their duties.

So the bullies got bullied back and it’s all over now.

Their DNA is all over this malfunction.

The Sam Zell-Ra ndy Michaels hires were dead giveaways with those wacky executive titles.

Take Lee Abrams for example. He was about to get the boot from Mel Karmazin following the Sirius-XM merger. Lee needed a job so Randy created one for his fellow chunkasaurus. Remember, these guys have been tight for decades – all the way back to the time when Lee invented FM radio.

Lee’s title is Senior Vice President/Chief Innovation Officer. His job description says he’s to “spearhead the company’s innovation efforts across its publishing, broadcasting and interactive divisions.” It added that he was “the first person to hold the position in the company’s 160-year history.” We can now say that he will also be the last.

And how does Lee work hard for the money? He writes memos. Lots of them.

I was a little surprised when his job description didn’t read that he is more of an idea than a character or a real person.

Of course, he’s also living out his fantasy of becoming a television celebrity with his new featurette for the Trib's WGN-TV, Sky Dives.

This is a high tech continuation of his old XM Radio blog, where he’d put a video of himself and hangers-on flying from Washington DC to exotic locales like New Haven, Connecticut to sample a pizza slice at Pepe’s.

Sky King reruns would be an improvement.

Zell will probably walk and surrender his option to buy a 40 percent stake in Tribune for $500 million.

Sam, the elevator is at the end of the hall. Use it. Press 'down.'

It gets even better.

Smoke smelling Trib junior investors have hired the law firm of Zuckerman Spaeder for representation.

They want to jump in line ahead of senior investors for compensation from the forthcoming Trib fire sales.

The juniors argue that the seniors have already banked fees in the Trib’s employee stock ownership plan – and contributed to the company’s collapse.

Sam, you’ve got to give up that Grave Dan cer nickname you so adored.

Try this one on for size. You will be forever known as The Dismemberer.

What a legacy you’re leaving.

A $13 billion debt for starters.

Your Trib is about to be parted out like some old junked car - minus the Cash for Clunkers tax break.

Sam Zell and Randy Michaels: from Big Shots to Big Lots.

Think about it. The Trib is about to be piecemealed on the open market at a time when old media and commercial real estate is a fraction of what it was worth a decade ago.

Sam, the L.A. Times, Hartford Courant, Orlando Sentinel, South Florida Sun-Sentinel, Baltimore Sun and the The Morning Call, among others, and Tribune Broadcasting, Tribune Enterta inment, Tribune Media Services, the Chicago Cubs and the Wrigley Field they play in – and the real estate – the Trib tower, the L.A. Times building - all are worth less today than when you bought them.

When a $33.7 million radio station in San Francisco is price-slashed and sold for $6 million and change you’d better be ready for your own haircut.

No one will argue that there are some troubled newspapers that’ve employed writers who can’t write, reporters who can’t report, and editors who can’t edit, but Sam, you and your cohorts were managers who couldn’t manage.

Sam, we feel for the Trib employees that were forced to live in the bubble of your ego right up to the end. Your luck ran out but they’re like passengers in a plane. You and your crackerjack cronies took your golden parachutes and jumped and no one knows how to land the plane other than crashing it.

But we all know that you, Randy, and the boys will find a way to survive this one. Eventually the economy will recover, and – who knows - when it does you’ll probably find another host to lay your eggs in.
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Cleveland 1973

Radio: In search of research

2009-08-11T19:10:00.019-04:00

I’ve been on a quest to unearth a non-radio research study that exceeds some of those recent crazy claim reports certain researchers have done on our industry.

How about the one in support of HD Radio, which claims that Microsoft’s latest Zune model will save that digital disaster?

There’s the one commissioned by the NAB and RAB on the “success” of their Radio Heard Here campaign.

Did you happen to read the new piece-of-you-know-what research claiming that buying smart phone apps for radio stations will automatically translate to actual listening to terrestrial radio on mobile?

Radio-oriented research has become so tainted and implausible that it’s not taken seriously by anyone other than those in the industry that concoct them. Most level-headed individuals in radio would prefer that these radio witch doctors would just go away.

If you want one true fact, it’s this. When a troubled industry churns out highly questionable and excessively positive “research studies,” like it or not, they send the wrong message.

It’s the message of a scoundrel, a liar, a manipulator. It’s not the image radio wants or needs.

A few of the usual suspects sent me threatening e-mails for daring to criticize their fiction…er…findings.

And now I think I’ve found a research study that almost tops some of the wild and weird research on radio we’ve been reading from those usual suspects.

Let’s look at this new, just-released study from the Minneapolis-based MORI Research

It reveals, among other things, that 59 percent of adults identify newspapers as the leading advertising medium they use for planning, shopping, and purchase decisions.

See, the newspaper industry, like radio, has a problem. It loves to manipulate research.

Newspaper Association of America (Pronounced "nay") CEO John Sturm said of the new study, “While new technologies have their place in any total marketing program, newspaper advertising remains the most powerful tool for advertisers who want to motivate consumers to take action.”

One-hundred years ago, the village blacksmith said, “While automobiles have their place in any transportation medium, horses remain the number one means of transportation.”

MORI’s “preliminary data,” as they call it, showed that rival media trailed well behind newspapers as the primary medium for advertising.

Newspapers came in at number one with 41 percent. Yes, pause for a chuckle.

Moving right along, the Internet was number two at 21 percent. Direct mail was third with 14% percent. Television weighed in at fourth with only 8 percent. Catalogs came in fifth at 6 percent followed by magazines in sixth place with 3 percent.

Last, but not least, was radio, coming in with a whopping 2 percent. No medium did worse.

In fact, “None of These” fared better than magazines and radio with its 5 percent showing.

It gets better.

The study also claims that:

73 percent of adults regularly or occasionally read newspaper inserts. What? Can’t you break it down between those that regularly read inserts and those that occasionally check them out?

Even the deef and dumb HD Radio “studies” weren’t that ambiguous. On second thought, I take it back. They were.

82 percent were “spurred (their word) into action” by a newspaper insert in the past month.

Here’s the breakdown on the “action” they took: 61 percent clipped a coupon; 50 percent bought something (which makes you wonder about all those coupon clippers that didn’t buy anything); 33 percent went to a web site to “learn more,” and 27 percent tried something “for the first time.”

MORI added that their “preliminary data” also revealed that other media trailed “well-behind” newspapers as the primary medium for checking advertising.

MORI claimed this study was “conducted this phone and Internet survey of more than 3,000 adults for the Newspaper Association of America representing the $47 billion newspaper industry and more than 2,000 newspapers in the U.S. and Canada.”

How about that? – the Newspaper Association of America.

Let’s take it one step further. Who are MORI’s clients?

Gannett (via USA Today), Knight-Ridder, which no longer exists (The McClatchy Company of Sacramento, Calif. purchased its assets in 2006), the Seattle Times, the Washington Post, Copley Newspapers, the San Antonio Express-News, the Orange County Register, and the Sunday newspaper nationally distributed Parade Magazine, among others.

They also do research for AOL. And we know how healthy that joint is these days.

You’ve probably heard about the five stages of decline in business: 1. Hubris born of triumph; 2. The unbridled pursuit of more; 3. Denial of risk and peril; 4. Grasping for salvation - and 5 and final - Surrendering to irrelevance or death.

That moment of truth arrives in stage four. Leaders recognize the downward spiral they’re in – and their response will determine the business’ fate.

General Motors was locked in denial, believing that they’d survive because – after all, they’re GM. They convinced themselves that they’d come up with a hot new model car or truck to save their sorry asses. They flew to Washington, figuring they’d twist a few arms and return to Detroit with a few bucks to keep the lights on until they reinvented the wheel. Their CEO lost his job.

Rival Ford read the room, recognized their dilemma, and changed the dynamics of their business.

Though the downward spiral sequence is alarming, the outcome can be reversed at any stage of the process except for number five.

If you haven’t figured out the scorecard, please be advised that both radio and newspapers are hanging on – and just hanging on – in the fourth position.

I don’t want to see radio or newspapers go under. Both must recognize the 21st century and transform the way they do business.

There are too many radio CEOs that are trying so hard to convince themselves that they’re the Comeback Kids of the industry. I hate to clue them in. They’re more like the next Freddie Kruger – and the future of their version of radio industry may well be their Nightmare on M Street.

But, come on, admit it. Wasn’t it nice to read someone else’s lies for a change?

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Betty Korvan interview from 1979

Radio: Shack attack

2009-08-04T14:00:00.024-04:00

I’m telling you. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Did you hear the latest one about Radio Shack?

No, not the one about HD Radio. They pulled those stiffs off of their shelves a year ago, maybe more.

From this day forward, Radio Shack will be known as The Shack. Just The Shack. No Radio.

That means their 4,400 company-operated stores, their 1,400 dealer outlets, and 700-plus wireless phone kiosks will no longer display that word.

Why? A spokesperson for The Shack says, “Fewer of the company’s customers going forward will ever own a radio.”

Ouch!

Lee Applbaum, the Chief Marketing Director of The Shack told the Clear Channel-owned Pravda….er…Inside Radio, “This creative is not about changing our name. Rather, we’re just contemporizing the way we want people to think about our brand.”

And have you seen that new Bank of America TV spot that opens with a shot of an alarm clock MP3 docking station?

Look closely the next time it runs. That’s not an alarm clock radio.

Last week Ad Age carried a story on what marketers want from radio. You missed it? Read it here.

You’d think that when Diane Whitehead, the director of national retail advertising for Verizon Wireless, speaks – the radio industry would listen and take heed? After all, Verizon is only national radio’s number one client and local radio’s number two advertiser. She asked, “Radio promises us effectiveness, but can you prove it?" She added, "Yeah, radio gets X million people to listen, but what are they doing with it? How are they engaging with it?"

Ms. Whitehead also made note of a five-minute, seven spot break she heard on a Jersey station, which featured two spots for Home Depot and one for rival Lowe’s.

It’s sad. The radio industry continues to sputter and fail under most of its present leaders and advisors. They’re legends in their own minds and too engaged in getting their egos massaged to take notice that its very name - radio - is considered passé.

Radio has less of a clue as to what it should do on line. Remember when the words creativity and innovation were used to define profitable radio groups? Today, those words are used to define new media.

Radio still labors to typify new media as a collective industry that intentionally tries to cripple it – when nearly all of radio’s ills are self inflicted by apathy, greed, short sightedness, lack of planning, and no specific goals other than trying to figuring what its supposed to be while time ticks away.

iPods and satellite radio aren’t direct competitors to terrestrial radio. Neither were CD players, turntables, cassettes, and eight-tracks, and rival terrestrial stations in the past. You listen to whatever is providing you with the best entertainment at that moment.

The acquiring radio chains failed or refused to recognize the cultures of the stations that were being purchased. That was the industry’s greatest vulnerability. The seizure and occupation of anything, whether earned in war or through acquisition, is almost always a seizure of hostile territory.

The occupation of territory is labor-intensive. It’s police work, not soldiering. Soldiers kill enemies. Police identify and remove only lawbreakers and social misfits. Most acquiring radio chains failed to understand the culture of their just-purchased companies and in most cases, the best and brightest were replaced by – well, to paraphrase the late Paul Harvey - you already know the rest of the story.

One story I’m familiar with found a highly successful, independent-thinking program director answering to a new boss who was a stringent paint-by-numbers guy. Arguments over musical direction ensued. Both had valid points – but the incumbent programmer knew the market best and his numbers proved it.

So a market study – when radio could still afford to 'em – was commissioned. The end result proved the incumbent programmer was right – and the new boss was wrong.

Or you could say the incumbent programmer was dead right.

A month later the new boss replaced the incumbent with a clone of himself. Today, that station has seventy-five percent fewer listeners and is an also-ran in its target demo.

Consolidation was the alternative to competition. Theoretically, it would be less costly and risky than having multiple groups compete in one market. But it didn’t work that way. Clear Channel and others attempted to redefine a balance of power – but minus any long-term goals. In fact, most chains, Clear Channel included, didn’t even know what they were trying to achieve beyond the next quarter’s earnings.

Successful merger math is defined as one and one equaling three.

In today's post-post-deregulation go-go, buy now-pray later radio acquisition world, the inability to service debt has become the radio industry's greatest accomplishment. That, and losing audience at a rapid clip.

The major radio chains that persist on keeping their gargantuan, sluggish properties alive with their own brand of voodoo economics will continue to create only long term inefficiencies, which will keep its cash flow lethargic. At best, it’s a stay of execution. In the long run, they will not survive.

Some things were never meant to be that big: banks, insurance companies, and radio groups.

I have to laugh at all the complaining and lack of focus on Arbitron’s PPM. Sure, it’s not a perfect science – and any discrepancies should be addressed immediately.

But what ever happened to pride in product? What ever happened to building a rock-solid radio station?

Instead of focusing in on how to best manipulate a PPM – why not concentrate on building a solid product that will provide a loyal audience that already know and listen to you? The only stations that survived in the sixties through the early nineties were those that put little on manipulating the actual diary holder other than the usual tricks of the trade. The most successful and dominant stations earned mass appeal trust and TSL.

We’ve been watching the forgotten but not gone children of privilege play with their radio toys for a little over a decade. It’s been fun. Art Linkletter was right. Kids say - and do - the darndest things. But, if you don’t mind I believe it’s time for the adults to take control of the business again.
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