‘I couldn’t possibly’, I said…but he smiled and said, ‘why not’?

Why not indeed.

Many times we have asked for help in our lives, but how often do we accept the help and gifts of the universe when they arrive? Perhaps we expect the gifts to show up in a certain way or at the time that suits us; how many have we thus missed through simple non-recognition.

The sandwich sparked humour, conversation and debate. We talked of releasing grievances, forgetting old hurts and a positive future; Entente Cordiale over a sandwich!

So I can truthfully say that there is such a thing as a free lunch; as long as we simply say, ‘yes’.

This time its different, this time I can see the signs, the signals and the ‘temptation’: “Forget all this stuff, let’s do something exciting, let’s go shopping, lets build an online empire; you know you wanna!”

Actually, this time I don’t, this time I sitting right here and this time I’ll see it through.

Obviously you don’t want to starve, like the donkey who couldn’t decide which bale of hay to eat, but it is OK to journey inward before continuing with the outer journey.

Free will is a wonderful gift; especially the free will to watch out for guidance.

I have looked at certain events in my life in a new light, as they have all led me to interesting points and people. If I focus solely on the traumatic side, I see only trauma; when I stop and look at the incredible good that was around at the same time, I start to see structure and reason formulate; like sparkling crystals growing within my inner caverns.

Now, when I thing I have everything figured out, I stop and pause and say to myself:
“Don’t be so sure”.

Trying to remodel yourself to fit into awkward places is energy consuming. Preventing yourself from being who you are to fit into awkward spaces is hard work. Stopping your creativity because there is no time, audience or response is tragic.

Live within your means by being true to yourself, to your passion, to your creativity and stop spending energy trying to fit in for someone else or because you think you need to tow the line.

Save your internal cash and finally take those Tango lessons you keep taking about.

I’ve been sensitive, suicidal, seven stone, self harming, manic-depressive, brain-washed and now I write poetry; and you know what? I’m still here, I’m happy and I’m just fine! I’ve also learnt more about strength than any sport could ever have taught me. Taking your power back doesn’t mean becoming an arrogant prick, like so many I have met; it means taking your self and accepting the entirety of who you are.

Be sensitive, be thoughtful, be creative, be passionate, be you and don’t for one moment think you have to posture yourself to get on or get ahead; success is more about inner peace than outward power; and remember, there are many more like us in the world, we just tend to keep it quiet, while the alpha dogs run around sniffing their own buts.

When you’re in the fog, you think that your whole world is foggy; there is no perspective, direction or way out. Yet the fog does end at some point and you can continue on with your life. Depression is not permanent or terminal, it may come and it may go but it does not have to take over your life.

So if your life is a little foggy right now, turn on the lights and keep going because the weather always changes. And even if the fog returns you will now know that it is not permanent and you have thus taken aways its power and its hold over you.

I wrote for therapy, I wrote because I thought I had a message to share and I wrote because everything else had fallen away. When I started to integrate back into the world, I got sucked into the ideas of money, security, image and all the other distractions from creativity; these were my own demons resurfacing in the form of respectability and social duty. Then when I was not getting these ‘results’ I started spiraling down again until…”hang on, that’s not why you’re doing this in the first place”.

Returning back to initial motivations gave me so much freedom again. Ideas like money are useful but only as tools and ways to interact; they are not the goal in themselves.

I became a writer not as an excuse to buy a pencil, but to write.

To be creative you need to create (pen, ink, oils, clay, origami, counselling, ________ fill in the blank). FORGET ABOUT RESULT! That was my downfall, after the initial beginners-mind enthusiasm wore off. I had stopped writing for the joy and the peace it brought here and now, and had started to write for something to happen later. This approach sapped the spontaneity and passion from my work. So now I am writing because I love it – to hell with the result!

Another point was waiting for perfection. I had always been brought up to believe that anything I did was, at best ‘OK, but not quite there yet’; this gave me years of frustration as I never ‘approved’ of anything I produced; whether that was the way I wrote a poem, how I cooked a meal or anything else I tried. Chasing perfection is like walking towards a wall by halving the distance; YOU’LL NEVER GET THERE! The perfection is you; right now; creating anything.

Now I don’t mind if I write something terrible or something rather good; either way I’m writing! Of course, I want to improve and I listen to criticism but this time without any association with failure.

Failure is when I stop myself writing; and has nothing to do with what I write. If I prevent my creativity I have failed; if I create good or bad, I’ve succeeded.

So create and keep creating and watch the momentum build and watch your creativity blossom…

“Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time”.