http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com RSS feeds for John Michael De Marco 60 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1040/Make-it-SIMPLE.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1040 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1040&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1040/Make-it-SIMPLE.aspx The first book I’ve read as a student of the University of Texas at Dallas’s executive coaching program is The Solutions Focus: Making Coaching & Change SIMPLE by Paul Z. Jackson. The book dovetails seamlessly with the strengths-based, positive psychology focus I’ve taken with clients—and with myself—for a number of years and it is certainly not just for executive/business coaches. Jackson emphasizes how there are three “simple, elegant and radical ideas” at the heart of any solutions-focused change: One is to be as clear as possible about what’s wanted; this is the “solution” on which we focus. Another is to harness what is already in place and use these positive forces to influence the emerging future in the direction of the solution. The third is to take a direct route to what works by overlooking pitfalls and excursions, such as delving into problems and what’s not working. The Solutions Focus effectively uses the acronym SIMPLE to provide guardrails for anyone seeking to bring about change: o   Solutions, not problems o   In-between—the action is in the interaction o   Make use of what’s there o   Possibilities—past, present and future o   Language—simply said o   Every case is different Here are some other specifics to keep in mind and questions to ask as you apply the solutions focus in any context—work, home, the community, etc.: ·         Begin with establishing the current situation as the “platform,” focusing on the interactionsbetween people “rather than assuming what’s happening inside of them” ·     What is the desired future perfect outcome? On a scale of 0-10, with 0 representing the situation at its worst and 10 the desired outcome, where are you today? ·         What is already working well, that you can build on to move closer to 10? When does the solution happen already? (And what are resources, skills or expertise already at hand that can help?) ·         What is the next step, to move even closer to 10? And the step after that? Etc. ·         Keep asking, “What else?” ·         Remember: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it; once you know what works, do more of it; stop doing what doesn’t work and do something different.” Perhaps you’re already considering an ostensibly hopeless situation regarding people, processes or systems that play a big part if your life. Can you look at these again with fresh, solutions-focused eyes, keeping things SIMPLE? Give it a shot… johnmdemarco Sat, 25 Feb 2012 04:12:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1040 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1038/44-and-Theres-So-Much-More.aspx#Comments 1 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1038 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1038&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1038/44-and-Theres-So-Much-More.aspx Forty-four today. I feel great on the inside and outside, and began today with an intense cardio and strength training workout. I’m only focused on the number because I like 4s, and now I have two of them! I became a father at age 32—which contains eight 4s. This year is 2012; 12 contains three 4s, and three is the perfect number…so this year I have the perfect amount of 4s… Weirdness aside (mostly), it’s a bit surreal that I have doubled my age since I graduated from college. Twenty-two was a rough time for me; lots of transition, little confidence and much uncertainty. The “second lifetime” since then has been filled with more transition, and things aren’t any more certain—but I have grown tremendously in understanding more about myself and my passions, and that gives me a great deal of confidence about continuing the journey…for at least another 22 years! I have some ambitions for Year 44. To love those around me with authenticity. To serve people well. To continue to grow as a spiritual being. To write and publish three books, two of which are in process with one really close (Assess, Collaborate, Execute: ACE Your Way Through Life) to completion. To earn a certificate in executive coaching from The University of Texas at Dallas, and subsequently become credentialed through the International Coach Federation (ICF). To stay healthy! Thanks to anyone reading this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of my life. I am very blessed. johnmdemarco Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:43:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1038 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1037/They-Are-Irrelevant.aspx#Comments 3 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1037 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1037&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1037/They-Are-Irrelevant.aspx They don’t always know what they are talking about. Who are “They?” YOU tell me, lol! Whoever They are, they sure seem to be influential; because so many people point out, “Well, They say…” Apparently, They say a lot. And a lot of folks are listening to them (or to They), rather than thinking for themselves and then making a well-reasoned decision. I wonder just what the impact of They has been across the centuries. Did They say to Eve that she should eat the apple? Did They inspire the Crusades? Did They say slavery was okay; that the Jews should be singled out across Europe; that women shouldn’t vote; and that civil rights were good for some but not for everyone? Somehow I think They were involved; because enough decent people weren’t thinking clearly when these situations were allowed to pass, and must have been intellectual victims of the subterfuge spun by the powers of They. In today’s digitized media cesspool, They are more powerful than ever. They know a lot about politicians, religions, Katy Perry, Charlie Sheen, the Kardashians, Lindsay Lohan and Whitney Houston’s real killer. Walk the halls of work, school and church or hang at the gym for a while, and you will hear non-stop references. To They. I’ve made a decision. I’m cutting They off. I’m choosing critical thinking. Join me, and we shall form an alliance called They Are Irrelevant. TAI for short, of course. I’ll bet They told you not to read this blog… johnmdemarco Wed, 15 Feb 2012 15:05:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1037 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1036/Weve-Broken-UpBut-We-Can-Still-Be-Friends.aspx#Comments 4 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1036 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1036&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1036/Weve-Broken-UpBut-We-Can-Still-Be-Friends.aspx Christianity and I have broken up, it seems. We’ve had a nice 20-plus years, but we’re both moving on. This is not an overnight decision. The two of us have been slowly growing apart for a long time. Sometimes along life’s journey there are benchmark moments when a voice inside whispers, “It’s time.” And such a moment occurred today. Note an important distinction here, please: I’m not breaking up with Jesus Christ, but with the religion that bears his name. Jesus is a majestic, worthy representation of the age-old myth of the hero who comes to the end of his own ego, undergoes death and is reborn to serve the world with his newfound synthesis of humanity and divinity. His teachings—especially when cleansed of their literal interpretations—are second to none. But for 2,000 years, the institution known as the church has hopelessly concretized those teachings. Christianity isn’t the only religion guilty of failing to grow beyond the symbols and metaphors; but with the clout it bears in the western and developing spheres, its many good deeds run hand-in-hand with an unfortunate culture of fear, superstition and intolerance. And I’m simply finished. I certainly gave it a shot. I embraced the faith as my own in my early 20s, went to seminary and earned a degree, became a United Methodist pastor and eventually became ordained. I’ve read the Bible over and over and hundreds of books that reflect on the Bible. I immersed myself in the Christian ghetto of ideas; and, like millions of others, could easily have stayed there. But life gradually began nudging me out of the box. Alternative authors and friends crossed my path. None has been bigger, of course, than the late Joseph Campbell—whose lifetime of work studying the similarities among the world’s cross-cultural mythologies delineates a framework that demolishes the passionate claims of any one religion to be The One religion. So what’s next? Nothing less than a blissful, unfolding adventure of going deeper into consciousness while seeking to serve people well through my writing, coaching, consulting and facilitation work. I am unencumbered from any one religious brand, just as I am unfettered by any single political affiliation. I am simply John; hopelessly hungry for the deeper spiritual life, sensing and seeing the beauty that unites us while letting that which divides us fade from relevance. I will end this piece with a challenge, however. I am close friends with many Christians of the utmost integrity, bearing a high degree of critical thinking and compassion. Some are reading this, and I challenge them to join my adventure by reading Campbell’s The Hero With a Thousand Faces. Read it word for word, please, and jot down your observations. Then, let’s get together for coffee or have a phone conversation. If you have not undergone a similar journey from concretization of your faith to transcending Christianity, then I will reimburse you for the cost of the book. No matter the outcome, you win; your faith will be strengthened, your mind enriched, your fire for lifelong learning ignited as never before. Deal? I look forward to hearing from you! johnmdemarco Mon, 13 Feb 2012 02:20:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1036 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1035/ACE-Your-Way-Through-Life.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1035 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1035&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1035/ACE-Your-Way-Through-Life.aspx Sometime within the next month I hope to release my next book, a non-fiction, motivational manuscript entitled Assess, Collaborate, Execute: ACE Your Way Through Life. The cover is done, and I’m in the thick of the editing process. In ACE, I unpack an intentional, three-phased approach of assessing the situation at hand; collaborating with others; and executing with discipline, to get better results and satisfaction across 12 key spheres that impact us in a multi-dimensional manner. These spheres (the same ones I blog about on my Web site, by coincidence) include: Arts Change Communication Critical Thinking Executive & Life Coaching Health and Fitness Leadership and Management Learning & Teaching Preferences, Strengths & Vocation Relationships Spiritual Growth Strategy & Execution   Each sphere has its own chapter, populated with numerous examples and anecdotes of ACE in action—drawn from thought leaders, the arts and my own observations and experiences. Who is the audience for this book? I have a few different groups in mind. One includes business owners, organizational leaders and managers, who will benefit from being more intentional with the three-phased process. Another group who will significantly benefit includes executive and life coaches. However, aside from these professionals, any person desiring better results and satisfaction will mine plenty of gold from these chapters. Take a glance at the 12 spheres listed above, and certainly you will see a few in which you long for more effectiveness and fulfillment. Why am I the one to write this book? I leverage more than a decade of work as a leader and a leadership coach, consultant and facilitator, in the trenches of both the for-profit and non-profit worlds with rank-and-file leaders. Dovetail these credentials with more than two decades of professional writing experience—including the eBooks Narcissus Blinked and Chased by the Wind: A Youth’s Literary Search for God—and you’ll have a resource that I believe will deliver on its promises. I’ll continue to post updates as publication nears! Thanks for taking the journey with me, and I hope you ACE the most important challenges you face this week. johnmdemarco Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:15:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1035 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1034/Guest-Article-The-Soul-CoachGrowing-from-Within-by-Kelly-Canull.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1034 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1034&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1034/Guest-Article-The-Soul-CoachGrowing-from-Within-by-Kelly-Canull.aspx Everyone can benefit from a little guidance. True, some need it more than others; but without a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on, this life of ours can seem an exceptionally long and lonely adventure. With support, though, you can find the love, joy and light that make our lives worth celebrating. A soul coach is someone who has been given a gift: they can see the truth of who you really are, or at least the path the leads to such revelation. The soul coach understands that you cannot force someone to see the truth. Rather, you have to guide them to their own personal discoveries. The soul coach will be your friend, mentor and guide as you pursue your life's greater purpose and discover the ultimate truth about the beauty, joy and love within yourself. As a soul coach, I don't force anyone to do anything. I'm not hired to be a drill sergeant or authority figure; you have access to enough of those in your life already. Instead, I'm a support beam for you to stand on, a wall upon which you can bounce your ideas, and a fount of advice and spiritual knowledge from which you can drink as deeply as you wish. Who's in charge in the relationship between you and your soul coach? You are! You've seen that your life's journey has taken a wrong turn somewhere, you've sought help from the greater community, you've discovered the benefits and advantages of working with a soul coach, and only you have been able to apply them to your daily life. You are the master of your own life. The sooner you can come to terms with and accept that responsibility, the better. Each of us was born with a specific purpose to our lives. We all awoke in this world for a reason, one unique to each of us. Sadly, for most people, the soul's higher purpose is never discovered. We live through our lives obeying the laws of the old paradigm, which has been established over the millennia and has led you to believe that money and power are the ultimate goals; nothing is ever your fault; and everything bad and good in the world can be found outside of your own being. By following these tenets we deny our true joys, our pure destinies and our honest selves. It's time we end this vicious cycle. Turn your back on the old paradigm and embrace the new paradigm. This is a place where love is always chosen over fear, light always pursued in favor of darkness, and choice is always held to a much higher esteem than need. In the new paradigm, you can find your higher purpose in life. Here are some steps you and your soul coach could take to reach that glorious end:   Rediscovering your internal blueprint -- Each one of us has a plan that will tell us exactly how to realize our higher purpose; but it's been buried under useless layers of false success, unnecessary diversion, and malignant philosophy put in place by the old paradigm.   Learning to love and accept yourself -- You will only find true success in your life after you've forgiven and forgotten your faults, accepted who you are, and learned to love everything about you.   Strengthening your spiritual warrior -- We are all warriors, with the strength and power to change the world. Your spiritual warrior's muscles may have grown soft from disuse, but they can and will be hardened again.   Everyone can benefit from working with a soul coach. Whether you're a business person, public speaker, artist, author, teacher, officer, or stay-at-home parent, your life's work deserves to be further enriched by the support and guidance of someone who can see the truth of who you really are. But this isn't a quick-fix remedy. Once you've discovered the path—and it will likely be extraordinarily difficult—you must continue along until the end. This takes discipline, devotion, vision, and perseverance, but the rewards are more than worthy of the work. You must learn to live your life. This means not working for someone else's goals, not striving for money or power, and not crawling your way from day to day. It means understanding and loving who you are and working towards your own higher purpose in life. It means standing tall, walking proud, and seeing all there is to see both around you and within. Living your life isn't as easy as it sounds, but the world will never look better once you learn to do it with grace, love, light, and joy.   Kelly Canull is a soul coach based in Boulder, Colo. Visit www.kellycanull.com to learn more about how she can help you transform your life. johnmdemarco Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:53:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1034 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1032/Im-Running-for-President.aspx#Comments 1 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1032 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1032&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1032/Im-Running-for-President.aspx “You get me on the ballot in all 50 states….and I’ll give you a world class campaign.” Okay, I’m not trying to channel my inner Ross Perot a la the 1992 presidential election. I’m taller, younger and certainly more handsome—but also humbler and definitely not as rich. However, I am seriously open to launching my own 2012 candidacy…because I’m not inclined to vote for anyone currently in the race, and someone has to lead. First, know that I will not accept any monetary donations; only social media endorsements and re-tweets. All lobbyists can go elsewhere. I will run as an independent, and serve only one term. And my platform is simple—laser-focused on the key gaps that are causing everything else to be out of whack and geared toward helping Americans be smarter, more relationally sound and physically healthier. Here’s three buckets of some specifics for starters. We’ll create the rest along the way because this is a partnership, my friends: Intellectual Progress ·         Prioritize funding of education at all levels, incentivizing schools rather than penalizing them; while empowering teachers to make decisions that impact teachers and students ·         Facilitate mentoring programs between students (and, if necessary, parents!) and business, education and non-profit leaders ·         Aggressively fund literacy programs in every American city, and get an e-Reader in the hands of every student Relational Progress ·        Facilitate collaboration among government entities, businesses and non-profits of every affiliation to holistically address community challenges such as poverty, addictions, violence, blight, and so forth ·         Launch grassroots-driven and donor-funded emotional intelligence training in every American city Healthy Progress ·        Provide incentives to employers that create and promote wellness opportunities and resources ·        Sponsor multi-faceted educational programs to increase awareness and critical thinking regarding exercise, nutrition and disease-prevention best practices ·         Be a facilitator of easy access to health care services rather than a hindrance What about national defense, disaster relief, job creation, etc.? I’ll have really talented people from across all political affiliations and vocational backgrounds deal with the weeds of these areas—and bring me the highest-level, strategic decisions. These three buckets detailed above are the foundational areas to attack for any big picture-minded President, because right now we Americans are way too non-critically thinking; silo-oriented; emotionally escapist; and out of shape. Are you with me? (Oh, before you ask, of course I have skeletons in my closet! Who doesn’t?) Then visit www.johnmichaeldemarco.com, follow me on Twitter @John_M_DeMarco, and “like” my John Michael De Marco, Author page on Facebook…and help spread the revolution by adding to the discussion of ideas! I’m John Michael De Marco, and I approve this blog.   johnmdemarco Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:27:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1032 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1031/Why-I-Dont-Want-a-New-Mailbox.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1031 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1031&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1031/Why-I-Dont-Want-a-New-Mailbox.aspx I’m in the middle of a delightful project called rebuilding my mailbox…and starting to wonder why I’m bothering in the first place. This is not just a simple fix. The mailboxes in my neighborhood—like most HOA-controlled subdivisions—all share the exact same style and color. I’ve been hunting around stores like Lowes and Home Depot, and have been unable to find a “mailbox-in-a-box”—one ready-made with the post just the right size and color with the black mailbox and its red flag attached. Instead, I’ve purchased a big slab of treated wood shaped like a post, and have to prime it, sand it and then paint it before digging a hole in the ground, filling said hole with concrete and sticking the post in the ground. Oh, and then attaching the mailbox…and waiting to see what happens next. This feels like futility. I hardly receive any mail worth keeping anymore. I seldom “snail mail” anything. I don’t want mail, except for Christmas cards (and I don’t even need to have those). I used to receive books from Amazon in the mail, but now I have a Kindle. I’m trying to reduce paper in m house and in my life. This whole mailbox habit is just more trouble than it’s worth. But are building your own, brand new mailbox right now? Don’t take me literally here: is there a project that has consumed your energy and time, which will fail to ultimately support what’s most important to you? Will this project and endeavor move you closer to fulfillment and success, and enhance your personal and professional relationships—or does it feel like futility? Hand-written letters are rare and precious. Time is even more so. Take a fresh look at what you want the most, and ruthlessly prune away activities---as much as possible—that do not align with achieving what you want. The things that occupy your time are not any more sacred that a red flag on a black mailbox. They might have served a vital purpose for a season, but the season has changed. johnmdemarco Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:24:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1031 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1030/MoneyBlog.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1030 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1030&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1030/MoneyBlog.aspx I just viewed the Oscar-nominated movie Moneyball, starring Brad Pitt as Billy Beane. The heart of the film is the juxtaposition between the fate of the 2002 Oakland Athletics—re-built after a free agency gutting, through a system of statistical analysis rather than conventional scouting—and General Manager Billy Beane’s personal demons. Throughout the film we see flashbacks of Beane’s decision to take a baseball contract straight out of high school rather than a full ride to Stanford. His playing career is eventually cut short, and life at 44 has found him a divorced father afraid to live in the moment. This is exemplified by his inability to watch his own team play; instead, he goes to the gym, takes a drive, sits in the dark by himself, and so forth. No one believes in Beane’s different approach to building a successful team—until the Athletics win 20 games in a row and make it to the playoffs with a motley crew of unproven or over-the-hill players. Beane’s system is later adopted by the Boston Red Sox, which has won two World Series titles in recent years and finally broken the ostensible “Curse of the Bambino.” While Beane’s “moneyball” system is quite intriguing, I was personally impacted by Beane’s struggle to take the risk of real-time ambiguity—i.e., watching each moment of a baseball game while the outcome is in doubt, which it always is until the final out. My struggle to be present from a sports angle involves watching Florida State University (FSU) football. During my student years at FSU and for more than a decade after graduation, I hung on every minute of each televised game (and plenty in person). In more recent years, however, I find it preferable to watch the very end of the game once the outcome seems certain (especially if FSU is ahead) or find out the score afterwards. Logically I know there is little joy in this, and I question my own dedication as a fan and alumni. Apparently, watching the ‘Noles from start to finish stresses me out too much. It feels kind of silly as I write about it here, and maybe I’ll try harder this fall. I can think of other, more important times when I’m not “in the moment,” such as times with family, friends or customers. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking about or hoping for what is coming next; in fact, it seems to be part of the very fabric of western culture. Do you struggle with this as well? When are you most likely to “miss the moment?”   johnmdemarco Sat, 28 Jan 2012 18:52:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1030 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1029/See-Where-the-Conversation-Takes-You.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1029 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1029&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1029/See-Where-the-Conversation-Takes-You.aspx Yesterday was fun. I helped facilitate a strategic planning offsite with one of my leadership teams, on a docked “ship” located along the Tennessee River. It was a different, energizing atmosphere for both brainstorming and team-building. We got a lot done, and we laughed a lot as well. It’s amusing, the topics that come up during “down time” at these kinds of events. A group of eight or so of us were sitting around a table during a lull in the action, while a couple of other groups were across the room finishing up a project. Somehow we arrived at the topic of middle names, and had fun guessing—and, then making fun of—each person’s given middle name. Then, the senior leader in the group started inquiring about who had a tattoo, what they were specifically, how many they had, etc. He then asked each of us about the coolest job titles we ever wore, and later in the evening we started making fun of Southern colloquialisms. Silly stuff…. ...yet meaningful, when it comes to community. Work teams spend so much of their time stressing together, striving to achieve goals together, meeting together…but very little time truly appreciating the uniqueness of one another. Sometimes it’s quite valuable to get away from the normal work context, and allow for unstructured time when the only agenda is seeing where the conversation takes you… johnmdemarco Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:21:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1029 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1028/Facebook-Friends-and-Scary-Storms.aspx#Comments 2 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1028 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1028&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1028/Facebook-Friends-and-Scary-Storms.aspx Facebook friends are particularly crucial during severe thunderstorm and tornado warnings that take place in the middle of the night. One feels a little less afraid and certainly less alone, sharing the common misery of wishing we were all asleep and wondering how we will possibly get up in the morning and be productive. We share our concerns, but mostly make each other laugh and hang in there. I learn about how various children, dogs and other family members are responding to the storm. If a tree falls, I hear about it. If someone is craving a drink or a particular food item, I know about it. Thankfully, our home has been mostly unscathed by the past several Middle Tennessee tornado seasons; others have not been so fortunate. I’ve driven by communities smashed to pieces by twisters, and read heartbreaking news accounts of people who have lost everything. Sometimes other storms hit, though: intellectual storms of career blind spots; emotional storms of fear and distress; spiritual storms of doubt and alienation; and even physical storms of illness and unwanted lifestyle changes. And whether they are with us on Facebook or not, we need our friends even more to survive and thrive after the pounding of these winds and the damage they leave behind. Friends who will not just laugh with us but cry with us, challenge us and be patient as we sort out the damage and discern the path forward. Take a look at your virtual and real-time “friends lists.” Who is ready to go through the storm with you and be there on the other side? And are you ready to help someone else?   johnmdemarco Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:30:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1028 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1027/Reflection-AND-Popularity-An-Excerpt-From-Chased-by-the-Wind.aspx#Comments 1 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1027 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1027&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1027/Reflection-AND-Popularity-An-Excerpt-From-Chased-by-the-Wind.aspx Part of my frustration was not knowing what to do. I did not know what I did not know, what the other teens seemed to grasp in terms of how to engage the high school culture and find a place to thrive. The world was churning like mad all around me, as fellow students jumped into cliques, activities, sports and social climbing. I learned quickly that although I was no longer an obvious dork, I was still somewhat of a misfit in this new territory that was mine for the next three years. My heart longed for momentum toward some semblance of success, socially or academically or, ideally, both. There is a complicated move that some strive to embrace in one form or another in the dance of life. This move is a delicate balance, maybe more of a tension, between tasting exotic flavors and maintaining a strong diet of innocence and purity. It is the pursuit of retaining the integrity of who you are and what you value, while experiencing unbridled passion and adventure. An effort to retain a life of reflection and one of popularity. From the start, high school amplified the difficulty of this dance move. I found myself staring at the trees, dirt and signage populating the coming-of-age fork in the road; two seemingly disparate directions to my left and right. One could plunge me headlong into the social grind of the early-to-mid ‘80s. Another was an extension of the naïve, seemingly unscathed perspective that had characterized someone who wanted to impact the world through words, and not compromise just to fit in with whatever was worth joining. johnmdemarco Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:43:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1027 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1025/Why-I-Ate-20-McNuggets-and-Other-Tales.aspx#Comments 14 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1025 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1025&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1025/Why-I-Ate-20-McNuggets-and-Other-Tales.aspx The first “mistake” was eating 20 Chicken McNuggets by myself. The second was gulping down an entire pizza just three hours later. Such are the nutritional hazards found on road trips. I had to drive three hours from one city to another after a long day at work, and didn’t feel like stopping for “quality,” healthy food. McDonalds was right there, its golden arches beckoning to me like sea sirens tempting Odysseus on his way home from Troy. It’s just 20 nuggets, I reasoned. And then I was in the hotel, winding down for the evening, getting sleepy…and felt my tummy rumble. Suddenly I became obsessed with the idea pizza. I called Dominos, and 40 minutes later I was furiously chomping down a pie loaded with sausage, green peppers and black olives. I actually started to doze off during the sixth and final piece, and dreamt of scary monsters and three-headed dogs the entire evening (not really). Why would a man in his early 40s do this to himself? I am no longer the 16-year-old who ate a Whopper or Big Mac with French fries every day for lunch. I simply cannot take my health—or my metabolism—for granted anymore. I did it because it was expedient, convenient, tasty, comforting, etc., you name it. And guess what? Sometimes you just have to indulge, because life is short. But every time I eat poorly like that, I become re-energized to do better. Health has become a core value, and once something is at your core it becomes magnetized and always draws you back to center. Core values are different from dogma, rules, fundamentals, and so forth. They tap more into passion and authenticity than trying to live by someone else’s playbook. Our society certainly does not advocate them—unless you count the core value of consumerism—but rather seeks to whittle them away, to laugh off their relevance. We’ve lost much of the mythology and mystery that enhance core values, having reduced so many archetypal yearnings to concrete platitudes and membership requirements. So what are your core values, and are your life and work aligned with them? Anything else is self-denial, and as healthy as the grease soaking a bag of fast food. Chew on that… johnmdemarco Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:32:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1025 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1024/Who-Cares-About-Your-Strengths.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1024 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1024&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1024/Who-Cares-About-Your-Strengths.aspx I’ve been delighted in recent weeks to do some more work with leaders around the StrengthsFinder assessment tool, in which I was certified by The Gallup Organization back in 2006. You can take the assessment and learn your “Top 5” areas of talent through visiting http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx, or by purchasing a book such as StrengthsFinder 2.0 or Strengths-Based Leadership. What’s the return on investment for taking a little bit of time (and a fairly small amount of money) toward better understanding and applying one’s strengths? A strengths-based perspective enhances a person’s self-esteem, because they focus on what they do well. It increases the passion and energy toward their work, and keeps them focused on goal achievement. The culmination of this is both greater results and a deeper sense of satisfaction, which is good for an organization in terms of both business goals and retention of key performers. Marcus Buckingham, author of books such as Now, Discover your Strengths, Go Put Your Strengths to Work and the recent StandOut, offers an eye-opening exercise. Flip through your calendar of the past week’s activities, and make three columns. Label the columns “Loved it!”; “It was OK”; and “Loathed it!” Then, group the various activities of the past week within the appropriate column. This will provide key insights into the type of activities that help you feel the most productive and satisfied—as well as shine a spotlight on the type of activities that leave you bored or frustrated. If too many activities fall under the “okay” or “loathed” columns, and the past week was typical of the job, you might not be in the best job fit. Challenge yourself, however, with how you might more fully leverage your strengths toward these “okay” or “loathe” tasks It is sheer folly to focus on our weaknesses! Our western culture seems obsessed with this remedial mindset, as we often laser in on what is broken rather than what works well. We spend lots of energy “duct taping” our weak areas, rather than getting the most out of what we do best and experiencing how this strength-focus helps prevent our weaknesses from undermining us. Too often we try to imitate someone else’s strengths, and we end up sounding like an echo or feeling frustrated that we can’t quite reach our own potential.   An intangible benefit of this strengths focus is a constant sense of renewal. One of the best ways to avoid employee burnout and reduce the likelihood of attrition is empowering people to creatively do what they love the most. This is all contingent upon them at least being in the ballpark as far as job fit, of course. A person who is always trying to get more out of their strengths will continue to blossom across their career, and truly possess a sense of vocation rather than just a “job.” johnmdemarco Mon, 16 Jan 2012 22:53:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1024 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1023/New-Preface-to-Chased-by-the-Wind.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1023 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1023&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1023/New-Preface-to-Chased-by-the-Wind.aspx This is a new preface I wrote tonight for my spiritual memoir Chased by the Wind: A Youth’s Literary Search for God, which is available for Kindle, Nook and iPad: A note to the reader: I wrote the first draft of this book in 2006, when I was 38 and still very settled in the popular belief that Christianity was the “true” religion among all other religions. And while I have not rejected the teachings of Christ by any means, I have certainly transcended their western interpretation in more recent years. Numerous studies, insights and conversations have taken me deeper, to a place that appreciates the common mythological symbols found across cultures and religions. This ubiquitous human quest for God points to a shared, divine consciousness that is beyond dogma, beyond names and ultimately inclusive. Chased by the Wind, then, should be viewed simply for what it is: a snapshot in time, taken by a man in his late 30s…who was reflecting back on the journey of a youth whose search for the divine was made evident through a significant body of creative work. The man writing this preface is now in his early 40s, but the younger self is still a part of me; and the whole person’s thirst and hunger for divine understanding and reconciliation remain as strong as ever. johnmdemarco Sat, 14 Jan 2012 03:12:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1023 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1022/Maslow-Life-Coach.aspx#Comments 2 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1022 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1022&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1022/Maslow-Life-Coach.aspx Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” is a great life coaching tool, to apply both to yourself and others. This very well-known model has become popularized in business and education since the late psychologist rolled it out around the middle of the 20th Century. Constructed as a pyramid, it depicts a gradual transcending of key needs, culminating in “self-actualization” and “peak” experiences.   The base of the pyramid represents basic physiological needs such as food, clothing and shelter, which must be in place before a person can even entertain higher creative pursuits with any consistency. The next level up the pyramid is safety needs; when you are living in a war zone or experiencing regular domestic violence or any form of abuse, it is tough to pursue your passions in life. Moving further up we find esteem needs; having that healthy sense of self, and not being riddled by constant insecurities or a compulsive need to measure up. A holistic embrace of what makes us unique and how we contribute to the world out of that uniqueness gets cemented here. And this paves the way for what Maslow called “self-actualization” at the very apex of the pyramid, where strengths, passions and vocation collide on a regular basis—and we marvel at the rush of “peak” experiences in which we are at our very best. Google the hierarchy today, print out a copy and keep it nearby as a visual reminder to prompt such self-awareness questions as, “How are you addressing your basic needs? What or who are you taking for granted? With whom do you need thicker boundaries? What steps are you taking this week that position you to embrace the higher levels of the pyramid? What structures, relationships and resources do you have in your life to peel back the wondrous layers of your own mystery, and set the stage for more of those ‘peak’ experiences?” And then gently help people you care about ask these same questions…for when you are blessed, it is to be a blessing to others. johnmdemarco Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:26:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1022 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1021/Got-Heroism.aspx#Comments 8 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1021 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1021&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1021/Got-Heroism.aspx Where are you on the “hero’s journey?”  This timeless framework—made famous during the 20th Century by the writings of the late Joseph Campbell (see The Hero with a Thousand Faces)—can be discerned across all cultures and in most great literature and films. Study the shared elements of the most riveting stories ever told—from Homer’s The Odyssey to the Old Testament’s accounts of King David, to the blockbuster film Titanic and J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter phenomenon—and you will gradually observe a ubiquitous, progressive sequence:  ·         A call to adventure, which the hero may willingly embrace or be forced to undertake through circumstances or events ·         Supernatural aid, whereby a guide, mentor or teacher comes alongside the hero, often providing key tools or weapons for the hero’s arsenal ·         Crossing into the dangerous unknown ·         A succession of trials or tests ·         Coming to terms with crucial relationships ·         The accomplishment of a worthy goal or securing of a precious prize ·         Returning as a much-matured leader to serve humankind, with individual desires more fully enmeshed with global needs.  Campbell asserted that this “monomyth,” or “humankind’s one great story,” was not limited to the arts but was ultimately grounded in our own nature, reflected through religious and culture rites and traditions. Each person, he taught, ultimately has to grapple with their own hero’s journey.  Some of you reading this have just heard the “call,” perhaps. Circumstances are changing in relationships or professions, doors are opening or closing. Maybe you’re busy blaming others or waiting for someone else to do something, and you’re stuck; or, perhaps, someone who can help you has been trying to get your attention. There’s a parent or sibling or child with whom you must reconcile in order to transcend your current emotional state and taste more inner peace. Or perhaps you’ve accomplished much, but have held back from sharing your insights, resources or connections.  Greek mythology brings us the unfortunate character of Tantalus, whose name serves as the foundation for our modern use of the word “tantalize.” Punished for an egregious misdeed,Tantalus was forced by the gods to stand in a pool of water that disappeared whenever he was tempted to stoop down for a drink. Furthermore, branches of fruit grew just above his head; but whenever he reached up to grab hold of something to eat, the wind would sweep the fruit away from him.  The eternal frustration felt by Tantalus of seeing something so close but beyond out his grasp has been felt—albeit, to a far less extreme level—by anyone who has allowed themselves to remain stuck along the journey. Far too many persons settle for less than what their hard-wired talents call them toward, never allowing this latent potential to develop into strengths. Stuck in a tepid pool of mediocrity, these individuals catch glimpses of passion and excellence but can never quite get their arms around the opportunities to unleash them.    A great parable of embracing change is found with the lead character of Saul Bellow’s novel Henderson the Rain King, published in 1959 at the height of the post-war period. A millionaire pig farmer who from a materialistic perspective “has it all,” Henderson feels a lack of any meaningful connection or passion in his life. Hoping for a change of pace and a fresh perspective or epiphany, he heads to Africa—where a series of events lead to the locals declaring him to be their Rain King, the one who will bring about an end to the oppressive drought plaguing their village.  Henderson engages in numerous philosophical discussions with the village’s king, Dahfu, and through this relationship gradually begins to see that life is more than just the slow wasting away to which he has reduced it. Instead, each person has the opportunity to embrace a succession of rebirths, or transformations, through engaging their imagination. Life, Henderson learns, can be a journey of ongoing spiritual growth, ultimately geared toward seeking to love others well. The protagonist leaves the village with the intent of becoming a doctor when he returns to his home. Before his departure the long-awaited rain falls down, symbolizing how the parched landscape of Henderson’s own soul has at last been nurtured.  As I look back and examine my own seasons of “drought,” they have been windows when I was learning and growing the least—times when I had resigned myself to things as they were without seeking to elicit meaningful change. I was stuck in that spot for a while around the middle of last year, before breaking through with the help of others.  I imagine at some point things will dry up again, and I’ll face the choice of whether to give up or persevere along the journey.  What choices are you making right now? The adventure of a lifetime, Campbell claimed, was simply “being who you are.” Are your actions aligned with an inner wellspring of authenticity?   johnmdemarco Mon, 09 Jan 2012 18:33:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1021 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1020/Metaphor-Confusion-An-Excerpt-from-Narcissus-Blinked.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1020 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1020&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1020/Metaphor-Confusion-An-Excerpt-from-Narcissus-Blinked.aspx Jacob glanced back up at the stage, realizing he had temporarily forgotten where he was. He held the paper in his hands, folded it over a couple of times, rotated it in his palms. Claude was moving back into character. He did not get very far before Phillip grew frustrated again, and was refusing to enter the scene. “Phillip,” Bruce said, with a little less calm in his voice this time as he removed his glasses and twirled them in his hand. “Do you have an alternative symbol in mind, since the metaphor of the ark resting upon Ararat causes you so much distress?” Corynne laughed. “Low blow, Bruce. Phillip is an actor, not a writer.” Phillip glared at her with mock indignation. “Corynne, how dare you.” He broke into a smile, and she grinned back at him. Jacob felt nudged to stand and slowly head toward the stage. As he was doing so he had a quick memory of Alex pulling him up on the platform in the student union for some improvisation. About 20 years had passed since that innocent morning in late summer at the start of his freshman year in college. Phillip spotted him at last, and smiled. “Well, you made it!” All heads turned to look out at the seats, from which Jacob was emerging. “Good evening,” Bruce said, pleasantly enough. “Can I help you?” Phillip stepped up to Bruce before Jacob had a chance to respond. “Bruce, this is Jacob,” he said. “Before he sold his soul to become an evil marketing genius, he was a playwright, actor and director. I thought he might be able to give us a fresh perspective.” A bowl full of tension soup seemed to spill into the theatrical air. Jacob laughed and quipped, “I’m not a genius.” Bruce paced a bit, as if trying to determine how to handle the intrusion. He addressed Phillip rather than Jacob as he wiped his glasses on his shirt and settled them back upon the bridge of his nose. “Phillip, it’s very generous of you to seek to help the play improve,” he said. “But just as you spoke earlier about partnership, it’s quite considerate to discuss things with your partners ahead of time.” Phillip shrugged. “Oh, Bruce, it was all so spontaneous. You know how I tend to lean toward the improvisational.” “Always a strength of yours, Phillip,” Bruce said, quietly. He turned to Jacob. “You are certainly welcome to observe the rehearsal tonight, Jacob. I don’t know how much Phillip has told you about the plot, however, so it might be hard for you to follow along.” Jacob smiled, considering his words carefully.  “Well, I can’t stay long as it is. But I do have a suggestion for you. Just a suggestion, feel free to dismiss it.” Bruce raised his eyebrows. “I’d be happy to hear your ideas after the practice is finished,” he said calmly, and turned to face his cast members once again. “Now, shall we…” “I’d like to hear Jacob’s idea,” Corynne said flatly, and the Jac resemblance felt eerie for a moment. Claude stood next to her, nodding. Bruce looked at Phillip, who offered a sheepish grin. “Fine,” Bruce said, turning to Jacob with his arms folded. Jacob climbed the steps up to the stage. With each motion he felt a small burst of youthful energy, a sense of tapping into a context he had not experienced in many years. I’m back, said a fluttering thought, and he nearly laughed out loud at the silliness of even the notion of being “back.” Back to what? How does one go “back” in any true sense of the word? “I think Bruce is on to something,” Jacob began, carefully making eye contact with each of the players and the director. “Claude is looking for a symbol, a vehicle for congruency, for convergence. His life is teetering between hope and despair, between possibility and pain. He needs a unifying motif, something to help him transcend circumstances and mood swings.” The three actors were intrigued, and their facial expressions indicated a hunger to hear more. Phillip was almost smug with delight. Bruce was listening politely, although his eyes clearly communicated that Jacob should wrap up this bit of theatrical consulting as soon as possible. “But,” Jacob continued, “as Phillip has expressed, I’m not sure if Ararat is the right symbol. I wonder if you might consider the lotus instead?” Bruce was descending from impatience to annoyance. “The lotus?” he asked blankly. “Imagine this,” Jacob said, quickly moving toward the spot where Claude had been standing. “Claude is up on the garden of the roof, staring out into space as if the answers can be found external to himself. Then, the wind blows this note toward him.” Jacob held up Otis’s folded piece of paper. He quickly unfolded it and read the quote from The Upanishads. The group was silent for a moment. Bruce wanted to interject something, but restrained himself so as to give the others a chance for input. “Read the quote again, Jacob,” Phillip said calmly. Jacob did so. Corynne was getting very excited. “The lotus is a powerful, sacred symbol in many cultures,” she said rapidly. “It’s associated with enlightenment, with satori. I think Jacob is right—Claude’s greatest need is to look inside and see, not stare out there somewhere.” She pointed to the empty seats. Claude was nodding, scratching his chin in a manner that suggested he was deep in thought. “And my character has so many distractions on the outside, so many things to keep him from truly looking within.” “Not to mention all the voices inside his head as well,” Phillip smirked. Bruce cleared his throat. “I appreciate Jacob’s input,” he said, gritting his teeth a bit. “But you do realize this would require a complete revision of the script, don’t you? The mount of Ararat is a thread woven throughout the story. To suddenly add a lotus would clutter things up quite a bit, leave the audience with metaphor confusion.” Jacob stifled a laugh; Bruce didn’t realize he had made a pun. Phillip merely sighed. “Couldn’t you simply swap out the metaphors? What is most sacred to you, the concrete metaphor itself or the larger truth toward which it points? I mean, what does Claude need the most here?” “He needs to find inner peace,” Corynne said cryptically. She looked at Bruce and smiled. “So do you, Bruce. Imagine if you let go of your need to have things just so.” An awkward silence rushed upon the stage, interrupted only by the creaking of shifting shoes upon wood. Bruce shrugged. “Have it your way, my friends,” he said, forcing a smile upon a face clearly under distress. “I will work on letting go, Corynne. I will start by fully letting go of this production.” And with that he calmly turned and proceeded down the steps and out of the theater, without a final glance at Jacob or a look back at his former cast members. None of them moved to dissuade Bruce from his decision. After a few more seconds of the awkwardness, Phillip smiled at Jacob and held his hands apart. “Welcome back to the theater, Mr. Director.” Jacob laughed. “Excuse me?” johnmdemarco Fri, 06 Jan 2012 20:46:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1020 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1019/Four-Dimensions-of-Enduring-Love.aspx#Comments 3 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1019 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1019&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1019/Four-Dimensions-of-Enduring-Love.aspx How do you “find” sustainable love for a lifetime with a partner?  I’m inspired and often moved by a great love story; but I don’t necessarily buy into the notion that certain people are “meant to be,” or that there is only one person out there for you. (It could happen, certainly.) What I have noticed, however, after observing human nature for a couple of decades is that there are four key dimensions of intimacy that play a huge role in an enduring love relationship where people truly do not part until death.  These dimensions are Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual and Physical Intimacy. Assessing a relationship through these lenses is a helpful way to, first, determine whether a potential mate is a good fit; and, second, focus your energies on necessary growth areas in your current relationship so it can become healthier. Let’s unpack them one at a time, please.  Intellectual Intimacy. Frankly stated, two people in a love relationship need stuff to talk about! There must be some sort of shared curiosity in a particular discipline—or, at least, a cultivated appreciation of the other person’s curiosities. If one person begins to “out-distance” the other in terms of critical thinking or education, the relationship suffers. The happiest couples I know are both lifelong learners. There is no standing still in a relationship; it is either regressing or progressing. When I hear people say “we have nothing in common anymore,” this dimension of intimacy has been neglected.  Emotional Intimacy. A commitment to giving one another the benefit of the doubt is the foundation of this dimension of intimacy, for it keeps a wellspring of good will flowing within the heart of the relationship. When combined with a commitment by each person to keep growing in emotional intelligence skills such as self-awareness and active listening, two persons can have a lot of joy together because they feel safe in the relationship. If you had to choose between intellectual intimacy and emotional intimacy, choose the latter—but don’t get caught in such a false dichotomy!  Spiritual Intimacy. Now, let’s not get all religious here. I’m not referring to drinking the same Kool-Aid together and imposing one’s god on another. What I do believe is important is a yearning for deeper spiritual understanding, encouraging each other to continue to peel back layers and discover that deep center of divine consciousness. Antagonism toward one another regarding spiritual matters is not a relationship killer, but can create a certain degree of sadness. This connects somewhat to intellectual intimacy and the efforts of lifelong learning. Abiding peace in a household is quite possible when both mates are hungry for spiritual growth, but that growth will look and feel particular to each person and the overall relationship.  Physical Intimacy. This dimension is really the culmination of the other three. Physical love is incredibly enhanced by feeling intellectually emotionally and spiritually close to someone; for we are at our most vulnerable when making our bodies available to another. I believe it is really important, if at all possible, to continue to cultivate physical attraction to one another in a love relationship. Many take this for granted or blow it off; but if there is not a physical or health limitation, then do what you can to feel sexually attractive and enjoy how that enhances your physical intimacy with your mate.  There you have it. I pray that thinking through these four dimensions helps you to become even more intentional at enhancing or pursuing enduring love. We are hard-wired to romantically love another person, for through love one individual recognizes the shared divinity within another. johnmdemarco Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:40:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1019 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1018/Joseph-Campbell-on-Marriage.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1018 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1018&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1018/Joseph-Campbell-on-Marriage.aspx The late mythology professor Joseph Campbell is  best known for his book The Hero With a Thousand Faces, which inspired George Lucas to create Star Wars. But his writings also include some great quotes concerning the deeper meaning and responsiblities of marriage. Here's a few of my favorites: "The fourth level of love is that of spouse to spouse, and here there is the business of the androgyne, of identification with the Other. You have found the god in your heart, and now the god is found in this intimate and most enduring kind of relationship. That’s why marriage is regarded, in such traditions, as a permanent affair. There is only one chance to have this type of experience. Nuns wear a wedding ring, because they are brides of Christ. Their relationship is to this invisible spouse, which, on the spiritual level, is good enough."   "Anyone who gets married is going to have problems with daily chores, because the problem of a household is on you whether you are a male or a female...but you can make wonderful little ritual experiences out of the things that have to be done, and life can ride beautifully on these events. I think it is a failure to accept the tangibilities of two people living together that makes marriages break up."   "Marriage is not a love affair, it’s an ordeal. It is a religious exercise, a sacrament, the grace of participating in another life."   "Successful marriage is leading innovative lives together, being open, non-programmed. It’s a free fall: how you handle each new thing as it comes along.   As a drop of oil on the sea, you must float, using intellect and compassion to ride the waves."   "For the gentle heart, marriage must first be spiritual, then comes physical consummation."   "The idea of the gentle heart involves a sense of responsibility to the person. If that is not there, you have not got love, you’ve got something else. If that is there, it will last."   "What I am saying is, not that responsibility constitutes love, but that love without a sense of responsibility is not love. It’s taking possession. Are you trying to possess somebody? Or are you in a relationship?"   "What I see in marriage, then, is a real identification with that other person as your responsibility, and as the one whom you love. Committing yourself to anyone, turning your destiny over to a dual destiny, is a life commitment. To lose your sense of responsibility to the person who has given you that commitment because something comes along that enables you to think, “I'd like to fly off in this direction and forget that which has already been committed”—this is not marriage. I do not think you are married unless your relationship to your spouse has primary consideration in your life. It’s got to be top."   "In marriage you are not sacrificing yourself to the other person. You are sacrificing yourself to the relationship...that’s the problem with getting married. You must ask yourself, “Can I open myself to compassion?” Not to lust, but to compassion." johnmdemarco Sun, 01 Jan 2012 18:08:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1018 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1017/2011-Saditude-Gave-Way-to-Gratitude.aspx#Comments 3 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1017 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1017&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1017/2011-Saditude-Gave-Way-to-Gratitude.aspx 2011 was a big “bucket list” scratch-off for yours truly; but, sometimes, I felt like I was scratching in the dark, searching for answers.  Doors closed. People disappointed. I disappointed myself. I traveled a lot for work and missed dozens of dinners, bath times and book readings with my children. At exactly the midpoint of the year, the walls seemed to be closing in and I cried out for help—and received some.  My overall assessment of 2011? As Frank Sinatra would sing, it was a very good year. I mean, the second half of 2011 rocked, and it made the uncertainty of the first six months more than worth the journey.  I reclaimed my first love—book writing—and took it to a new place through the publishing options offered by Amazon Kindle, Barnes & Noble Nook, and Smashwords (iPad). Two of my books, Narcissus Blinked and Chased by the Wind, are being read by others—a dream come to fruition—and I’ve got lots of momentum and motivation as I currently write two more.  In addition, I reignited the passion for my full-time work as an executive coach, leadership consultant and facilitator, meeting some wonderful people through Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) certification and getting involved in some high-level strategy with my employer.   I climbed the Eiffel Tower; journaled in a Parisian café; stood inside the Arch D’Triumph; toured the Louvre; watched the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace; stared in wonder inside Westminster Abbey; and observed all of London from the London Eye “Ferris wheel.”  My wife finished graduate school and began full-time work as a high school counselor. My children thrived in school. On the last day of 2011, we’re healthy and we have a safe home.  I’m a little embarrassed that I complained at all when times were tough. I had an attitude of “saditude” (yes, I just made that up!) rather than an attitude of gratitude.  This new year, 2012, I pray to be able to see the blessings when ashes seem to abound. I hope I will build stronger relationships, and be a servant-leader to as many people as possible. I want to embrace even more simplicity, staying focused on the best and letting other things go.  To the reader, I pray 2012 is a renaissance, break-out, bucket list scratching-off year for you. Thanks for being on the journey with me! johnmdemarco Sat, 31 Dec 2011 13:28:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1017 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1015/Temptation-An-Excerpt-from-Narcissus-Blinked.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1015 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1015&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1015/Temptation-An-Excerpt-from-Narcissus-Blinked.aspx He had been in their house on a couple of other occasions, typically passing through on the way to the backyard feasts. The staircase with the large, wooden banisters was just to the left of the foyer, and to the right was a sitting room decorated with more of the locally-produced artwork that Julia enjoyed. Just before him was a small table with a large, framed photograph of the Gerren family threesome, Davey beaming in between his parents. Jacob looked at the photo for a while before setting the glove next to it. The house might have well as been his own. But it isn’t. Without looking, Jacob slowly shoved the door shut behind him, and felt for the deadbolt. He heard it lock after the quick movement of his hand. The sound lingered longer than he expected. What do you do now? Yell, “Honey, I’m home?”  Jacob almost chuckled at the ridiculous thought, wondering if his subconscious was trying to cut through some of the tension he was feeling…or was it his conscience, rather? The first stair step was before him. His feet seem to grow heavier as he inched toward it. Come on, buddy, you’ve climbed thousands of stairs in your lifetime. What’s a few more? It was like watching someone else float up the staircase…and yet it was him. There was no denying the deliberateness, Jacob advised himself. He thought suddenly of various politicians and celebrities a la Tiger Woods who had been busted for sexual indiscretions over the years, more than he could name in an instant. They often claimed they had made a mistake….but really it had been a choice, hadn’t it, just like Jacob was making a choice right here, right now… His feet took him higher, higher, further away from the baseball glove and the idyllic family portrait, further from the door he had chosen to lock and the quiet sidewalk and the cul-de-sac with its flags. Further away from the abandoned hopscotch arena, the silent comfort of his own home with its dozens of photographs both framed and loose, the house where his wife and children would return sometime later today as part of the routine of being a family together. Jacob neared the top of the stairs. An early glimpse of the hallway showed him a few additional family photographs of their own, mostly of Davey in his various stages of development to this point. His baby picture was an exploding grin of pure delight, and he looked like he could have mustered quite a scream as a tiny guy. Jacob paused for a second to study a photo of a baby who resembled Davey but appeared to be a different child; a male cousin, perhaps. The master bedroom was to his left. Jacob felt his heart throbbing in his throat. Emotionally, he began to wonder if he was there more out of a sense of obligation than sexual desire; it was at least half-and-half. He had made a promise to come over, and was that promise eclipsing what he was ostensibly looking forward to taking place once he arrived? Don’t let her down, he reasoned with himself, and within a nanosecond had a guilt pang about letting Andrea down in a much larger sense. The bedroom was a very light green, the bed, dresser and night stands looking like they came straight out of a Restoration Hardware catalog. A couple of seascapes hung on the wall, meshing well with the paint job. Jacob saw a closed door and realized it was the bathroom, where Julia was waiting for him. He approached the door and stood there, nervously running his fingers through his hair, adjusting his t-shirt a bit. There’s still time to turn around. johnmdemarco Thu, 29 Dec 2011 12:30:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1015 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1014/Good-Music-is-Good-Music.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1014 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1014&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1014/Good-Music-is-Good-Music.aspx After growing up on mostly rock and pop, I find these days that I alternate between classic jazz and…country.  Rock and pop songs I’ve had memorized since my youth still evoke fun—and, sometimes, sad—memories. I saw my two favorite bands, Rush and U2, in concert this year. But I also saw Taylor Swift with my daughter!  I’m not quite the same person that I was in the 1980s when I fell in love with music; and so it makes sense that I am listening to different genres, discovering alternative authors and connecting deeply with newer friends during life’s contemporary rhythms. The same holds true for my approach to my writing, my coaching and facilitation work, and my spirituality.  You might wonder how these two genres can be held together in the musical psyche of one individual. You might hate one and love the other, appreciate them both or despise them both.   For me, jazz and country each connect to specific moods. Jazz provides a sense of connectedness to all people, in keeping with this discipline’s synergy of notes and collaboration of contributions. It also has an intriguing history that has intersected with significant social and political milestones. When I hear jazz, I get mellow and all feels right with the world. I love to read, write or engage in meaningful conversation with jazz in the background.  Country, which has grown on me since moving to Tennessee, appeals the most when I just want to blow off steam and not take myself or life too seriously. Some country songs, however, are very touching and stroke the restless romantic within me. I certainly don’t like every country song, but I’ve come to accept that country music is going to be what it wants to be—and I don’t judge it nearly as much as earlier in life. When I’m alone in my car I tend to crank it up.  Above and beyond genre, good music is simply good music. I have strong appreciation for any artist in any discipline who is talented and dedicated to his or her craft. I might not always “get” their vantage point or catch their unique vibe; but as I age, I become more tolerant of their passion to express themselves in keeping with how they see the world.  A final thought: there are plenty of country music stations on the radio, but not nearly enough jazz towers. This is not a problem when I have Internet or Wi-Fi access, but during road trips in isolated regions I would sure love to stumble across some Parker or Mingus. johnmdemarco Tue, 27 Dec 2011 15:22:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1014 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1013/De-Marco-Family-Christmas-Rap-2011.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1013 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1013&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1013/De-Marco-Family-Christmas-Rap-2011.aspx 2011 Had its best and its worst But as it winds down We’re feeling grateful first The year started off With lots of snow days Calls from Carol Birdsong And extra time to play John had to fly To Texas so often But the girls got gifts Cause Daddy was shopping Jenna cranked out Her last semester of school Got her masters And we partied like fools Built a new fence Cause the old one was dead And we finally went to Europe And were six hours ahead We went to Hogsmeade And drank some butterbeer And we surfed some waves On sunny days so clear Jenna got a job At two high schools Aly made her way To Middle School Olivia learned to jump rope and read And John’s still living the Magenta creed He published two books and is writing more Now we’re catching our breath, and thankin’ the Lord So we wish you Merry Christmas And Happy 2012 And we hope deeper into joy You and yours will delve!     johnmdemarco Sat, 24 Dec 2011 18:03:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1013 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1012/Great-Coaches-Assess-Collaborate-and-Execute.aspx#Comments 0 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/RssComments.aspx?TabID=570&ModuleID=981&ArticleID=1012 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/DesktopModules/DnnForge%20-%20NewsArticles/Tracking/Trackback.aspx?ArticleID=1012&PortalID=15&TabID=570 http://www.johnmichaeldemarco.com/Blog/tabid/570/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/1012/Great-Coaches-Assess-Collaborate-and-Execute.aspx The King’s Speech swept the Academy Awards this past spring, with its spoils including the Oscar for Best Picture. The movie depicts the ascension of King George VI to the throne of England after his father’s death and his brother’s abdication. The new king suffers from a terrible stammer—a big obstacle for any king! His Majesty’s wife, the young Queen Elizabeth, tracks down a non-credential speech therapist named Lionel to work with her husband and help him overcome the speech impediment. George has tried many other therapists already—unsuccessfully—and resists Lionel strongly…at first. Lionel has to creatively assess the situation to find the best approach that will help George trust him and build confidence. After much trial and error, he finally achieves a breakthrough moment. Lionel has George read a book out loud while listening to blaring, classical music on headphones. He records the King’s voice, and then plays it back for him—and George is astonished at how well he sounds. Based on Lionel’s patient, determined efforts to assess the best way to help his client, a true collaboration begins—and he and George begin to execute small victories together. Before long, at the film’s finale, George delivers a powerful BBC speech announcing Britain’s entry into the war against Nazi Germany. Lionel coaches him in the background with Beethoven’s 7th Symphony. The long term result? Great Britain’s crucial participation in victory over the Axis Powers. Lionel assessed the situation, collaborated with his client King George, and then executed the plans they developed together—and helped bring about a different result. These three overall actions—assess, collaborate and execute—are not limited to the plot of The King’s Speech. Rather, this is an intentional process that can be observed in all successful endeavors and relationships. And it’s one that should be utilized by any coach! Furthermore, these actions are in and of themselves overall skill sets—and not sets in a vacuum, but ones that synergize together.  They can and must be embraced by anyone who wants more consistent success and personal satisfaction. (The best life is having both: success and satisfaction!) johnmdemarco Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:53:00 GMT f1397696-738c-4295-afcd-943feb885714:1012