Jokes-The killer of sadness !

Suryapal 21

2010-04-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

A teacher asks her class how many of them are Congress fans.
Not really knowing what a Congress fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.

The teacher asks Suryapal why he has decided to be different.

Suryapal says, "I'm not a Congress fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Congress fan?"

Suryapal says, "I'm a BJP fan."

The teacher asks why he's a BJP fan.

The boy says, "Well, my mom's a BJP fan and my dad's a BJP fan, so I'm a BJP fan!"

The teacher gets a bit angry, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Suryapal says, "That would make me a Congress fan."

Suryapal 20

2010-04-29T02:49:00.000-07:00

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line
of Coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice .

Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

Eventually they asked Indian Intelligence team for help.

Within a minute,Suryapal emailed the White House with
this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside
down."

The Singhs!

2010-04-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

One day Suryapal Singh was getting bored and didn't know what to do. So he decided to kidnap a child.He went over to the play ground and saw plenty of little kids running around.He picked out one little boy and went over and grabbed him.Suryapal wrote a note as the following:

To whom it may concern:

I have just kidnapped your little boy and I want one lakh rupees in a paper bag under the mango tree at gandhiji park at noon.

Sincerely
Suryapal

After he was finished .He pinned the note to the child's shirt and sent him home. The next day Suryapal went to the mango tree at noon and there was a brown paper bag. All the money was there but there was a little note. It said:

Dear Suryapal Singh:

Your money is all there I just wanted to know how you could do this to another Singh??.

Satyapal Singh

Hanging Praful

2010-04-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

Praful decided to commit suicide by hanging himself from a tree in the park.

A few days later, a man was walking with his dog and spotted him hanging from the tree. He asks Praful what he was doing and he replies, "I'm hanging myself." "You're supposed to put the loop around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied Praful, "but I couldn't breathe."

Cant find Jesus!

2010-04-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

A drunk stumbles down into the river and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says,"Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now Mister, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.

Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 1 minute this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in??"

Praful in heaven

2010-04-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married,Praful and his girlfriend had a fatal car accident. They found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven.

St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. "Let me go find out." and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months...and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?...."

St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking some what tired. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."

"Great,"said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?", asked the frightened couple.

"COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer??"

Praful-7

2010-04-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Pallimukk got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their church benches and talking about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for Praful who sat calmly in his church bench, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

Praful "Yes, sure, i do."

Satan -"Aren't you afraid of me?"

Praful-"Nope, sure ain't,".

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

Praful-"I've been married to your sister for over 20 years."

Praful-6

2010-04-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

Praful arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

Praful-"How current is your copy?" he asks.

St. Peter-"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"

Praful-"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

St. Peter-"I'm glad to hear that," "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

Praful-"Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.

Praful continued-"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"

Praful-"About three minutes ago."

The biggest lie

2010-04-18T23:29:00.001-07:00

Madhu sir passed by a group of 10th std students sitting in the school ground.
Madhu sir-"Good Evening, boys. What are you doing?"

Suryapal-"Nothing much,"We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life."

Madhu Sir-"Boys, boys, boys!" intoned Madhu sir. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about sex at all."

The boys looked at each other and then said, "You win,Sir!"

Suryapal-19

2010-04-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

Suryapal-"Dad, I don't want to go to school today."
Dad-"Why not, son?"
Suryapal-"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
Dad-"But why don't you want to go today?"
Suryapal-"Because our Physical Training teacher died yesterday!"

Suryapal vs Praful 2

2010-04-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

Praful says to Suryapal, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
Suryapal says, "If I guess right, will you give me one among them?"
Praful says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!

Suryapal's Flashback

2010-04-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

When I was young I didn't like going for weddings anniversaries.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next!!"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals

Suryapal-18

2010-04-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

Suryapal who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by Praful. Suryapal got out of the car to apologize and offered Praful a drink from a bottle of whisky. Praful was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said Suryapal, "have another drink."
Praful drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked Suryapal.
"Perhaps," replied Suryapal, "after the police have gone."

The psychos

2010-04-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

A psychologist was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.

The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor- "And what is the guy hanging from the ceiling doing?"
Patient-"Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

Patient-"What? And work in the dark?"

Praful-5

2010-04-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

Praful answers the telephone and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, & I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms & both legs, & will need help eating & going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Praful says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

The millionaire

2010-04-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

A young man once asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old man fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last Rupee."

"I invested that Rupee in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten Rupees."

"The next morning, I invested those ten Rupees in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 Rupees. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of Rs800."

"Then my wife's father died and left us Twenty lakh rupees."

Suryapal-17

2010-04-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

Suryapal walks into a bar wearing an Arsenal jersey and carrying a little dog that also has an Arsenal jersey . Suryapal says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch Arsenal's game here? My TV at home broke and my dog and I want to see the game."

The bartender - normally, dogs are not allowed in the bar, but it is not terribly busy in here, so you and your dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there is any trouble with you or your dog, I'll have to ask you to leave.

Suryapal agrees and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon Arsenal shoots a goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.

The bartender-"Hey, that's cool! What does he do if the opponent scores a goal?"

Suryapal - "I think I am here because the opponent scored a goal"

Suryapal-16

2010-04-12T06:56:00.001-07:00

Suryapal: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Suryapal: good, because i didn't do my homework.

Dogs are better

2010-04-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife knocking on the front door who would you let in first?
The dog. at least he would shut up once he is in

Elephants grave

2010-04-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

Satyapal: Why are you crying?
Suryapal: The elephant is dead.
Satyapal: Was he your pet?
Suryapal: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave

Suryapal-15

2010-04-12T00:06:00.001-07:00

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Suryapal stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Suryapal?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Suryapal-14

2010-04-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

Suryapal was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor Praful peered over the fence. Interested in what his friend was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Surya?"

"My goldfish died," replied Suryapal tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

Praful was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Suryapal patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

For the sick

2010-04-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

Praful and his mother were in church when he started to feel ill.
Praful-"Mommy, can we leave now?" .

Mom-"No." .

Praful-"I think I'm gonna puke."

Mom-"Well go out the front door, walk around the back of the church and puke behind a bush."

A few moments later he returned to his seat.

Mom-"Did you puke?"

Praful-"Yes."

Mom-"How could you have gone all the way around the church, puke and be back here so soon?"

Praful-"I didn't even have to go outside. They have a box right by the front door that says 'for the sick'."

Suryapal-13

2010-04-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

Suryapal walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "Im having a baby ."

With big round eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him??"

Suryapal-12

2010-04-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

The class assignment was to write about something unusual
that happened during the past week.
Suryapal got up to read his.
Suryapal-"Praful fell in the well last week"
Teacher-"Oh my god...." "Is he all right now?"
Suryapal-"He must be,". "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."