tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84259748023771454692024-09-22T11:30:49.268+08:00Just for FUNUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-71136881229391768442012-09-22T19:33:00.003+08:002012-09-25T20:25:42.616+08:00<br /> <b>Ang LOVE</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Ang LOVE parang gilagid<br /> minsan duguan minsan masakit<br /> <br /> parang utot din yan madalas<br /> nalilihim, minsan nabubunyag<br /> <br /> pero higit sa lahat<br /> ang LOVE ay parang kulangot<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> di mo malalaman kung masarap<br /> kung hindi mo titikman!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <b>Save the Environment</b><br /> <br /> <br /> sabi ng hangin mabait ka<br /> sabi ng dagat matalino ka<br /> sabi ng ilog at bundok cute ka<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> tama nga talaga ang sabe nila<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> sirang sira na talaga ang kalikasan!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <b>Cotton Candy</b><br /> <br /> Kagabi<br /> nanaginip<br /> ako...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> kumakain<br /> daw ako<br /> ng<br /> cottoncandy<br /> maraming<br /> cottoncandy<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> maraming<br /> cottoncandy<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> pagkagising ko kanina....<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> wala na<br /> ko unan...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> Sa mundo di mo kelangan ng madaming kaibigan<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> tama na ang isa kahit mukhang chaka!<br /> <br /> <br /> Ang mahalaga totoo at mahal ka!<br /> <br /> <br /> Swerte mo, totoo ako at mahal kita<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> at ang bonus pa<br /> <br /> <br /> mukha akong artista!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <b>Ur the REASON</b><br /> <br /> ur the<br /> reason<br /> why<br /> i cry<br /> at nyt<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ur the<br /> reason<br /> why<br /> i hug<br /> my<br /> pillow<br /> tyt<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ur the<br /> reason<br /> why<br /> i cant<br /> sleep<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ur the<br /> reason<br /> why<br /> i pray<br /> and say<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> "lord,<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> may aswang.."<br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <b>Ang TAE at ang LANGAW</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Ang tae at ang langaw, yucky diba!!!<br /> pero isipin mo nalng kung gano<br /> ka sweet yung langaw para<br /> lapitan ung tae! <br /> kahit ganon kadiri, nasisikmura pa din nya!<br /> Parang tayo! Ako yung LANGAW!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>6 Parts of MEN that are useless:</b><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ADAM'S apple dat cannot be eaten,<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 2 nipples w/out milk,<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 2 eggs u cannot fry,<br /> <br /> <br /> and<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> a BIRD dat cannot<br /> FLY! :-P<br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> <b><br /> "Sa loob ng Beerhaus"</b><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> GRO: (habang sumasayaw)<br /> ganito po samen, wlang maayos na trbaho,<br /> walng tutulong,<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> MAR ROXAS: Anak tumabi ka, ako na ang gigiling!!<br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> <b><br /> TULA NG ISANG MANLILIGAW</b><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> O mahal kung nilalangit..!<br /> Nilalangaw pati puwit..!<br /> <br /> <br /> kung sa ganda moy akoy samba..!<br /> Sa utot moy akoy tumba..!<br /> <br /> <br /> Kung sa langit ikay tala..<br /> Sa lupa ikay tekla<br /> <br /> <br /> Buhok mong paalon-alon..<br /> Kuto moy patalon-talon<br /> <br /> mata mong maririkit..<br /> muta moy dikit dikit..<br /> <br /> Ilong mong matangos..<br /> Sipon moy yumayangos<br /> <br /> Ngipin mong pantay pantay..<br /> Hininga moy amoy patay..<br /> <br /> paano na ang buhay?<br /> kung sau akoy mamamatay..!<br /> <br /> BOW..!!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>PAHILOT</b><br /> <br /> <br /> lola:sabihin mo sa lolo mo pahilot ako, antok na ko !!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> apo(B):yoyo sabi yoya paiyot daw, antot na cha !!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> lolo:sabihin mo sa lola mo wala ako sa mood tulog na !!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> apo(B):yoya sabi yoyo wala cha ta mood tuyot na !!!<br /> <br /> <br /> -----------------------<br /> <br /> <b>NAME CALLING</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Titser: Ang pangit naman ng name mo "conrado domingo" in short "Condom"<br /> <br /> Pupil: Ok lang po yun mam, kesa naman sa asawa nyo "Supremo Potenciano"<br /> <br /> in short "SUPOT<br /> <br /> <br /> -----------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> Taga-bukid na anak ug tatay nagsakay sa elevator:<br /> <br /> Anak: tay, mahal guro pasahe ani noh? mangutana daw tah tagpila tay?<br /> <br /> Tatay: paghilom uy! ayaw dad'a imong pagkaignorante diri...<br /> <br /> tagad sah tah sa konduktor kung tagaan na tag-ticket!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <b>Nagmamaganda si Fadir</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Isang<br /> araw<br /> dumating<br /> ang demonyo<br /> sa<br /> park...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> PARI: sa kapangyarinhang<br /> pinagkaloob sa akin<br /> umalis ka dito..<br /> layas!!!!!!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Demonyo: ay wow....<br /> hanep.....gora boa... sosyal<br /> sayo na pala tong parkkkk!!!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <b>Vote for our CAUSE</b><br /> <br /> <br /> DID<br /> u<br /> know dat<br /> 100<br /> trees are<br /> being cut<br /> to produce<br /> our exam papers...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> pls. join our cause<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> SAY NO TO EXAMS...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> SAVE TREES!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>HOW TO GET THE PERSON YOU LOVE????????</b><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 1. BE FRIENDLY SA KANYA at MAGPAPANSIN ka....<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 2.INTINDIHIN MO o KAYA ILIBRE MO SIYA......<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 3.MAHALIN MO LANG SIYA HANGGANG MAGSAWA KA.......<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> pag ala paring nangyari.....<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> LASINGIN MO.... TALO TALO NA TO.....<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <b><br /> Echuserang Beybi</b><br /> <br /> 2 babies were playing<br /> in the crib when suddenly<br /> the baby girl cried loudly...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> "RAPE"<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> "RAPE"<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> baby boy said:<br /> <br /> <br /> "Ay tanga toh? PACIFIER yang naupuan mo...."<br /> <br /> ECHUSERA!!!!!!"<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <b><br /> Monster Rancher</b><br /> <br /> matutulog nanaman<br /> ako.....<br /> <br /> naalala nanaman kita..<br /> <br /> lagi nalang, everynight, naiisip kta...<br /> napapanaginipan...<br /> <br /> <br /> sinasabi ko<br /> nalang sa sarili ko...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> okey lang yan.....<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> di naman totoo<br /> ang MONSTER!!<br /> <br /> <br /> ---------------------------------------------<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Question:</b> What is a Vine Tea?<br /> <b><br /> Answer:</b> Vine Tea is your Soak lee for your Peep Tea When you Load tarty <br /> <br /> and ur soak lee is Vine Tee<br /> <br /> <br /> Read Slowly!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <script> var adfly_id = 2509652; var adfly_advert = 'int'; var frequency_cap = 5; var frequency_delay = 5; var init_delay = 3; </script><br /> <script src="http://adf.ly/js/entry.js"></script><br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-71083373433568425272012-09-15T13:57:00.001+08:002012-09-25T20:27:36.853+08:00<br /> Pag-uwi ni boy bastos, nadatnan niya ang misis niyang naka-sexy lingerie.<br /> <br /> Sey ni misis, "Itali mo ako, tapos, gawin mo ang nais mong gawin!"<br /> <br /> Dali-daling itinali ni boy bastos si misis.<br /> <br /> Pagkatapos… tinira ni boy bastos si inday(katulong).<br /> <br /> <br /> One day naihi ang lasing na si boy bastos sa kalye...nakita sya ng ale:<br /> <br /> Ale : Ay! ano ba yan? ang liit ng t*t* tapos ang daming bulbol?<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: t***-ina ka pala eh, ano'ng gusto mo? Maliit ang bulbol tapos madaming tit*...?!?<br /> <br /> <br /> Sa isang bahay:<br /> <br /> ANAK: nanay si ate hinahalikan ng nobyo<br /> NANAY: ok lang, halik lang naman eh..<br /> ANAK: inay hinihipo na sa dede si ate<br /> NANAY: ok lang, hipo lang eh..<br /> ANAK: nay hinihipuan na ng pepe si ate<br /> NANAY: ok lang, hipo lang naman eh<br /> ANAK: nay, pini-finger na si ate!<br /> NANAY: ano, p@#$ina! may tit* bakit ayaw gamitin?!?<br /> <br /> <br /> Boy bastos: magkanu ka?!..<br /> Prosti: Marami akong mga choices...<br /> <br /> 500 sa kama..<br /> 300 sa sofa..<br /> 200 sa sahig..<br /> at 100 sa damuhan...<br /> <br /> Prosti: anu nkapili ka na ba???<br /> Boy bastos: 500!...<br /> Prosti: wow!,sosyal sa kama!...<br /> Boy bastos: Hinde!,limang beses sa damuhan!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Si boy bastos at tatay nya after the exam:<br /> <br /> Tatay: Boy, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?<br /> Boy bastos: Hindi po!<br /> Tatay: Ang galing mo naman!<br /> Boy bastos: Nahirapan ako sa answers!<br /> <br /> <br /> Lola: Ang Ganda talaga ng Apo ko! Siguro ang dami mo ng Manliligaw ano?<br /> Girl bastos: Opo Lola I have plenty of them.<br /> Lola: May napipisil ka na ba?<br /> Girl bastos: Opo Lola, T!t! po! Ayaw po nila sa B@yag Masakit daw po kasi eh!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Lolo bastos: "doc,bigyan nyo nga ako ng viagra..<br /> Doctor: Matanda na po kayo lolo baka hndi makaya ng puso nyo.."<br /> Lolo bastos: "putulin ko isang tableta ng apat na beses.."<br /> Doctor: "bakit po,di ba gagamitin nyo kay lola? Wala din epekto kapag hndi n'yo iinumin ng buo ang tableta.."<br /> Lolo bastos: "doc,matanda na kami ng lola mo, wala na sa amin ang sex,Gusto ko lang gumamit kahit konti ng viagra para tumayo t!t! ko para hindi ko maihian paa ko..."<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Girl bastos: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!<br /> Boy bastos: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!<br /> Girl bastos: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!!! NOW NA!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> GIRL BASTOS: bakit kinukuhanan mo ng picture ang ang pechay ko?<br /> <br /> BOY BASTOS: Ah eto, ipapasikat ko lang sa mga barkada ko.<br /> <br /> maya maya...<br /> <br /> BOY BASTOS: e ikaw bakit mo kinukunan din ng picture ang Birdie ko?<br /> <br /> GIRL BASTOS: Ah eto, ipapa-enlarge ko, anliit kasi e...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang<br /> bilangin?<br /> <br /> BOY BASTOS: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko<br /> minsan sabi, "tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Girl bastos: Hu! Hu! Hu! Hu! Bakit natin ginawa ‘to? Hindi na ako virgin! Dalawang beses pa nating ginawa! Hu! Hu! Hu!<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: Aba! Isa lang, ah?!<br /> <br /> Girl bastos: Hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Boy Bastos and his classmates were having recess one time. While playing with the other boys, he decides to show off his "thing"<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Mga tol, eto ang tite na "almost perfect."<br /> <br /> Classmates: Almost perfect?<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Kase, yung sa tatay ko, sabi niya, "perfect" yung tite niya.<br /> <br /> Classmates: Bakit "almost perfect" lang yang sa yo?<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Kung maikli lang nang konti eto, "perfect" na sana to.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>MORE TO CUM!!!</b><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-49983661776966875362012-09-15T13:52:00.004+08:002012-09-25T20:27:51.258+08:00<br /> Teacher: Boy, kung meron akong 5 anak sa una kong asawa at 6 na anak sa pangalawa, samakatuwid, meron akong…<br /> <br /> Boy: Malaking pechay mam!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Teacher: Good morning class! I’m your new teacher and my name is Ms. Pruke! Remember, with an “R”!<br /> <br /> Kinabukasan…<br /> <br /> Teacher: Boy, what’s my name? Remember, with an “R”!<br /> <br /> Boy: Ah…um…alam ko na! Miss Prekprek!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Nag tanong si boy bastos sa tatay nya:<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: tatay,sino po mas masarap?? si nanay o si inday??<br /> Tatay: syempre si inday...<br /> Boy bastos: hindi naman kaya,sabi nung driver natin si nanay daw ehh...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Girl bastos: Bilis dadi ung cellphone ko nahulog sa panty ko nagba-vibrate<br /> Boy bastos: Nung gagawin ko? Kukunin ko sa panty mo?<br /> Girl bastos: Hindi kunin mo yung charger baka mag-lowbat!<br /> <br /> <br /> Boy bastos: Tatay, ano po ang sex?<br /> <br /> Tatay: Iyon bang romansa namin ng nanay mo sa gabi na tumitirik ang mga mata namin sa sarap!<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: Eh, tay di naman yan kasya sa bio-data.<br /> <br /> <br /> Girl bastos: Hon, wag moko bibiglain ha virgin pa ako.<br /> Boy bastos: ah talga?<br /> Girl bastoso: Hon sige na ipasok mo na...<br /> Boy bastos: Kanina pa kaya nakapasok to.<br /> Girl bastos:ah Ganun ba??? aray pala...<br /> <br /> <br /> LOLA NI BOY BASTOS: mek lab tayo<br /> LOLO NI BOY BASTOS: teka muna magsusuot ako ng condom<br /> LOLA NI BOY BASTOS: tange hindi na ako mabubuntis<br /> LOLO NI BOY BASTOS: hindi! kasi nirarayuma ang tit! ko pag nababasa... <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-50973044894481632962012-09-15T13:52:00.002+08:002012-09-25T20:28:11.863+08:00<br /> Boy: Nay, kinakain ba ang shit?<br /> <br /> Nanay: Nako anak hindi! Bakit mo naman natanong?!<br /> <br /> Boy: Kasi narinig kita, sabi mo kay tatay kagabi “Shit! Ang sarap!”<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Boy: Tay, pag malaki ba ang etits ibig sabihin matalino?<br /> <br /> Tatay: Aba oo anak! Kaya nga napakatalino ko e. Asan nanay mo?<br /> <br /> Boy: Andun po sa kwarto may kasamang genius.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Boy: Nene, wala kang suot na panty no?<br /> <br /> Nene: Wala nga! Pano mo alam?<br /> <br /> Boy: May balakubak kasi sa sapatos mo.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Guro: Mga bata, alam nyo ba kung saan matatagpuan ang Diyos?<br /> <br /> Boy: Mam sa kubeta po namin!!!<br /> <br /> Guro: Ha?! Paano mo naman nasabi yon?<br /> <br /> Boy: Kasi narinig ko sabi ng lola ko kaninang umaga, “Diyos ko, kanina ka pa dyan sa kubeta" ano ba!”<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Teacher: Sa tingin nyo mga bata, sino ang pupuntang langit, ang nanay nyo o ang tatay nyo?<br /> <br /> Boy: Nanay ko po mam!<br /> <br /> Teacher: At pano mo naman nasabi yan Boy?<br /> <br /> Boy: Kasi narinig ko sya kagabi sabi nya “Diyos koooo! Andyan na ako! Andyan naaaaaakooo!”<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Boy: Nene, gusto mo ng mani?<br /> <br /> Nene: Ay, ayoko. Tinitigyawat ako sa mani e…<br /> <br /> Boy: Ah ganon ba..Ako kasi sa mukha.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Juan: Pag laki ko gusto ko magka-CRV!<br /> <br /> Pedro: Ako naman RAV4<br /> <br /> Boy: Ako sana pekpek!<br /> <br /> Juan at Pedro: Bakit pekpek?!<br /> <br /> Boy: Ang ate ko kasi dahil sa pekpek nya nagka-BMW at Pajero sya!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> BoyBastos was masturbating...and when he was about<br /> to come his Mom entered the room. They both stared at each other and not a word was said. Then...<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos said: "KESA NAMAN MAG-DRUGS AKO NO"<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> BoyBastos: Ang sakit ng ulo ko parang binibiyak!<br /> <br /> GirlBastos: Ang sakit ng biyak ko, parang inu-ulo.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Boy Bastos sees Mom & Dad having sex:<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Dad..anong ginagawa niyo ?<br /> <br /> DAD: Nagpu-push up, anak.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Akala ko nagkakantutan kayo eh!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> "Nanay, hayop po ba ang talong?" tanong ni Boy Bastos sa kanyang ina nang sumunod na araw.<br /> <br /> "Hindi, anak," sagot ng ina. "Gulay ang talong. Bakit mo naman naitanong 'yan?"<br /> <br /> "Kasi, narinig ko si Inday na sumigaw, 'Kuya, hayop ang talong mo! Ang laki!'"<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Nagpapayabangan sina Boy Bastos at Totoy Mola.<br /> <br /> "Ang galing ng tatay ko, kumakain ng apoy 'yon," sabi ni Totoy Mola.<br /> <br /> "Mas magaling ang tatay ko, kumakain ng tela!" sagot ni Boy Bastos.<br /> <br /> "Niloloko mo naman ako, eh!"<br /> <br /> "Hindi, ah! Kagabi, narinig ko si itay, sabi niya kay inay, 'Alisin mo na 'yang panty mo, love, at kakainin ko na?'"<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> "Bakit malaki ang tiyan mo?" tanong ni Boy Bastos sa kanyang ina.<br /> <br /> "Dahil may ginawa kami ni daddy, baby brother mo," sagot ng ina.<br /> <br /> "Bakit malaki ang tiyan ni daddy?"<br /> <br /> "A, iyon? Sa kakainom niya ng beer."<br /> <br /> "Ah? Akala ko sa kaiihip ni yaya sa ari niya, eh," sagot ni Boy Bastos.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Natutulog sa Religion class niya si Boy Bastos habang nagtuturo ang guro. <br /> <br /> "Sino ang may gawa ng mundo?" tanong ng guro at nakatingin kay Boy Bastos na natutulog. Napansin ito ni Girly Landi kaya tinusok niya si Boy Bastos ng lapis at nagising bigla si Boy Bastos.<br /> <br /> "Diyos ko!" sigaw ni Boy Bastos sa gulat.<br /> <br /> "Very good," sabi ng teacher kaya bumalik ulit sa pagtulog si Boy Bastos.<br /> <br /> "At sino ang reyna ng buong kalangitan?" tanong ulit ng guro at napansin na naman niya si Boy Bastos na natutulog kaya tinusok na naman ito ni Girly Landi ng matulis na lapis. Napasigaw na naman ito.<br /> <br /> "Sus Marya!" sigaw ni Boy Bastos. "Tama ulit, ngayon, ano ang sinabi ni Eba kay Adan pagkapanganak niya?" Tinusok na naman ni Girly Landi si Boy Bastos at tuluyan nang nagalit si Boy Bastos.<br /> <br /> "Tigilan mo na 'yang katutusok sa akin, kundi, babaliin ko 'yan!" sigaw ni Boy Bastos na ikinahimatay ng teacher nila."<br /> <br /> <br /> Sa homeroom subject ni Boy Bastos naman.<br /> "Class, nagdala ba kayo ng mga litrato na<br /> iri-report n'yo ngayon<br /> tungkol sa mga exciting na bagay?" tanong ng guro.<br /> Sumagot lahat ng oo at si Boy Bastos ang mapalad na<br /> unang tinawag ng guro.<br /> Sa harapan ng klase, nagpakita si Boy Bastos ng papel na may<br /> maliit<br /> na tuldok sa gitna.<br /> "Ano yan?" tanong ng guro.<br /> "Period po," sagot ni Boy Bastos.<br /> "Ano naman ang exciting sa period?"<br /> "Ewan ko po pero kahapon kinausap ng ate ko<br /> ang mga magulang ko na<br /> na-miss_ niya na raw ang period niya ng<br /> dalawang buwan, inatake sa puso si tatay, hinimatay si nanay<br /> at nagbaril sa sarili ang<br /> kapitbahay naming lalaki."<br /> <br /> <br /> Isang araw nakita ni Boy Bastos ang tatay niya na naliligo at<br /> tinanong ito:<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Tay ano yang nasa harap mo na nakalawit?<br /> Tatay: Kotse yan anak.<br /> <br /> Minsan nakita rin ni Boy Bastos ang nanay niyang naliligo.<br /> Syempre nakita niya rin ang harap ng Nanay niya.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Nay ano yan?<br /> Nanay: Garahe anak.<br /> <br /> Minsan naabutan niya ang Tatay at nanay niya nagsesex.<br /> Boy bastos: Tay, Nay ano ginagawa niyo?<br /> <br /> Sagot ng Tatay.<br /> Tatay: Yong kotse anak pinapasok ko na sa garahe.<br /> Boy Bastos: Namputsa itay maliit ang garahe ni inay, yung gulong naiwan sa labas!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-17468423472284874852012-09-15T13:31:00.001+08:002012-09-16T16:29:04.252+08:00<br /> Isang araw, dahil sa sobrang bastos ni Boy Bastos, kinulam siya ng<br /> isang mangkukulam (siyempre, ano pa ba yung kukulam sa kanya) at<br /> pinaliit ang tite niya. Naging ga-munggo na lang yung tite niya!!!<br /> Isang taon daw siyang magiging ganito.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Ngayon, syempre na bad-trip siya, kase pare *beep* naman, kahit sino<br /> kulamin mo at gawing ga-munggo lang yung tite eh ma-ba bad trip,<br /> diba? Kaya siyempre nagtanong-tanong siya sa mga matatanda sa kanya<br /> kung paano maaalis yung kulam sa kanya.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Sabi ng lola niya, "Ahh, alam ko na. Pumunta ka sa ikapitong gubat ng<br /> ikapitong bundok pagkatawid ng ikapitong ilog. Doon, meron kang<br /> makikitang matandang ermitanyo. Ngayon, merong ipapagawa sa yo yung<br /> ermitanyo, tapos, pwede ka nang mag-wish."<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Kaya pumunta si Boy Bastos sa ikapitong gubat ng ikapitong bundok<br /> pagkatawid ng ikapitong ilog. Pagdating niya doon, meron siyang<br /> nakitang matandang unano na nakaupo sa isang bato. Kinausap ito ni<br /> Boy Bastos.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: A, eh, mama, kayo ho ba yung matandang ermitanyo?<br /> <br /> Matanda: Oo, amang, ako nga yon.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: E, pwede niyo ho ba akong tulungan?<br /> <br /> Matanda: Oo, pero meron ipapagawa muna ako sa yo.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Ano po iyon?<br /> <br /> Matanda: Pwede ba kitang tirahin sa pwet?<br /> <br /> (Sandali, hindi pa yun yung joke!)<br /> <br /> Nag-isip si Boy Bastos. Hindi naman siguro malaki yung tite nitong<br /> matandang to, eh wala pa atang 3 feet tong unanong to e. Kesa naman<br /> isang taong ga-munggo yung t1t1 niya diba.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Sige ho payag na ko!<br /> <br /> Matanda: O sige, tuwad na!<br /> <br /> Tumuwad si Boy Bastos. Inilabas ng matanda yung t1t1 niya, nagulat si<br /> Boy Bastos dahil, p*tang ina pare kasing laki ng dalawang brasong<br /> pinagdikit yung tite ng matandang unano. Sige tsong, ipagdikit mo<br /> yung mga braso mo. Yung mga kamao mo, ganyan kalaki yung ulo nung<br /> etits ng malibog na matandang *beep*.<br /> <br /> <br /> Hindi na nakahindi si Boy Bastos dahil naunahan na siya ng matanda.<br /> Binanatan ng matanda yung pwet ni Boy Bastos nang halos tatlong oras<br /> non-stop! Siguro, ngayon, pagkatapos nito, wala nang tunog ang utot<br /> ni Boy Bastos. Wala nang friction eh.<br /> <br /> <br /> Pagkatapos, kinausap ni Boy Bastos ang matanda na abot-tenga ang<br /> ngiti.<br /> <br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Eh, mama, ngayon ho, pwede na ba akong mag-wish?<br /> <br /> <br /> Matanda: Ala eh, amang naman, pagkatanda tanda mo na eh naniniwala ka pa pala sa<br /> mga wish-wish!?!<br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-32122952643195728602012-09-15T13:30:00.000+08:002012-09-16T16:30:05.112+08:00<br /> Matanda na si Boy Bastos at binata na ang kanyang anak. Pinayagan<br /> niya na itong maghanap ng asawa, ngunit sa isang kondisyon: kailangan<br /> niyang humanap ng asawang inosesnte pa.<br /> <br /> <br /> Naisip ng anak niya na upang makakita siya ng inosente, ipapapakita<br /> niya ang kanyang etits sa babae at t1t1ngnan ang reaction nito.<br /> <br /> <br /> Nalibot niya ang buong mundo, ngunit hindi siya makakita ng babaeng<br /> hindi alam kung ano yun. Ngunit isang araw, nakakita siya ng babaeng<br /> mukhang inosente at ipinakita niya yung kanyang tite.<br /> <br /> <br /> Anak: Ano to?<br /> <br /> Babae: Uod, uod.<br /> <br /> So, naisip niya, inosente nga ito, akala niya uod yung nakita niya.<br /> <br /> <br /> At inuwi niya yung babae sa bahay para ipakilala kay Boy Bastos. Para<br /> maipakitang inosente nga, pinakita niya ulit yung tite niya, this<br /> time sa harap ni Boy Bastos.<br /> <br /> <br /> Anak: Ano to?<br /> <br /> <br /> Babae: Uod, uod.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> At nabilib si Boy Bastos, aba, inosente nga. Kaya sinubukan din ni<br /> Boy Bastos yung babae at ipinakita niya ang kanyang ari.<br /> <br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Ano to?<br /> <br /> <br /> Babae: p*taNG INA, YAN ANG TITE!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-29155040688633116582012-09-15T13:28:00.002+08:002012-09-15T13:28:19.765+08:00Nagka-anak sina boy at nene, isang lalaki at isang babae. binata't<br /> dalaga na sila...<br /> <br /> Nene jr.: tay, peram naman ng kotse o...<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: sige pero isang kondisyon. mag-ano muna tayo.<br /> <br /> Nene jr.: tay meron ako ngayon e. blowjob nalang kita.<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: o sige.<br /> <br /> pagkatapos ng blowjob...<br /> <br /> Nene jr.: tay, bat lasang *** yung etits nyo?<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: ah ganon ba? hiniram kasi ng kuya mo kanina yung kotse e!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Lumipas ang mga taon at naging pulis si boy at sa complaint desk sya<br /> naka-assign...<br /> <br /> babae: ser, tulungan nyo ho ako...ginahasa ho ako! huhuhu...<br /> <br /> boy bastos: isalaysay mo sa akin ang nangyari iha...yung detalyado<br /> ha?<br /> <br /> babae: opo...hinoldap po ako ng isang mama, tapos po ay dinala nya<br /> ako sa<br /> isang liblib na lugar. dun po ay hinalik-halikan niya ako. Pagkatapos<br /> ay inumpisahan nya akong hubaran. Una, ang palda ko. Tapos po ang<br /> blouse. At ng naka bra at panty na lang ako ay sinalat po nya ang<br /> aking...<br /> <br /> boy bastos: TAMA NA! TAMA NA! sa kabila ka na mag file ng complaint!<br /> <br /> babae: bakit ho ser?<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: tinitigasan na ako!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-605844411003009122012-09-15T13:27:00.001+08:002012-09-16T16:31:09.572+08:00<br /> <b>Isang araw ng malapit ng ikasal si Boy Bastos</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Tatay: Anak, eto pera, sumibak ka muna para magka-experience ka bago<br /> ka ikasal.. Maraming pokpok dyan sa palengke.<br /> <br /> <br /> Habang papunta na si Boy Bastos sa Palengke para maghanap ng pokpok,<br /> nakita siya ng lola niyang malibog.<br /> <br /> <br /> Lola: Boy Bastos apo ko, san ba iho ang lakad mo?<br /> <br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Dyan lang po sa palengke. Binigyan ako ng pera ng tatay<br /> para kumantot ng pokpok.<br /> <br /> <br /> Lola: Bigay mo na lang sa 'kin ang kalahati at ako na lang ang<br /> sibakin mo iho.<br /> <br /> <br /> Pag-uwi ni Boy Bastos sa Bahay ay abot tenga ang ngiti ng *beep* at<br /> kinausap agad ang tatay.<br /> <br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Tay, nakasibak na ko. Nagpasibak sa kin si lola. Kalahati<br /> pa bayad. May pambili pa ko ng bold na tabloid.<br /> <br /> <br /> Tatay: Ano? t@ng!n@ mo bakit mo sinibak nanay ko?<br /> <br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: t@ng!n@ mo rin ikaw nga araw-araw mo sinisibak nanay ko.<br /> Minsan sa pwet pa!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Di naglaon ay ikinasal rin sina boy at nene...</b><br /> <br /> sa honeymoon...<br /> <br /> boy bastos: o nene, mag ano na tayo!<br /> <br /> nene: sorry boy ha? meron ako ngayon e.<br /> <br /> boy bastos: lang ya naman o...sa pwet nalang!<br /> <br /> nene: boy nagtatae rin ako e.<br /> <br /> boy bastos: bad trip...sa bibig?<br /> <br /> nene: inuubo ako e...*ahem! ahem!*<br /> <br /> boy bastos: p*tang ina wag mong sabihing may sipon ka rin?!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-70278118820413362362012-09-15T13:26:00.000+08:002012-09-15T13:26:07.061+08:00Binata na si boy, at nanliligaw sya kay nene...<br /> <br /> isang gabi, naiwan si boy at si neneng nag-iisa sa bahay...<br /> <br /> boy bastos: sige na nene, pagbigyan mo na ako.<br /> <br /> nene: boy wag ayoko...<br /> <br /> boy bastos: sige na...<br /> <br /> biglang nagbrownout...<br /> <br /> boy bastos: o ipapasok ko na ha?<br /> <br /> nene: wag boy ang sakit! aaaaaaaa!<br /> <br /> sumindi uli ang ilaw. dugu-dugo ang ilong ni nene.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Isang hapon, naglalaro ng tong-its si Boy Bastos at ang iba nyang mga<br /> kaibigan. Nandun sila sa bahay ng kaibigan nyang si Pedro.<br /> <br /> Problema lang, ang kulit-kulit ng anak ni Pedro na limang taon pa<br /> lang. Sinisilip nya ang baraha ng mga naglalaro at sinisigaw akung<br /> ano yung baraha, kaya nasisira yung laro nila.<br /> <br /> Dahil dito, na-bad trip na talaga si Boy Bastos, kaya hinila nya yung<br /> bata at dinala nya sa kwarto. After 15 minutes, bumalik si Boy Bastos<br /> sa mesa, na hindi na kasama yung bata. Tuloy sila nang laro.<br /> <br /> Natapos yung session nila nang madaling araw na. Napansin nila na<br /> mula nung dinala ni Boy Bastos sa kwarto yung bata, hindi na bumalik<br /> para mangulit.<br /> <br /> Nagtanong si Pedro tungkol sa anak nya, "Boy Bastos, anong ginawa mo<br /> sa anak ko, pa'no mo napatigil sa pangungulit?"<br /> <br /> "Andun sa kwarto, tinuruan kong mag-jakol."<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Naguusap si boy at ang tatay nya...<br /> <br /> tatay: boy, anong gusto mong gawin paglaki mo?<br /> <br /> boy: parang ginagawa mo tay!<br /> <br /> tatay: ang galing naman ng anak ko! gusto ring mag-abogado!<br /> <br /> boy: hindi tay! gusto ko ring tumira ng katulong!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-11427348761368658972012-09-15T13:24:00.003+08:002012-09-15T13:24:24.668+08:00Nagtanong ang nanay ni boy sa kanya...<br /> <br /> Nanay: anak bat ayaw mong magpaligo sa yaya mo?<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: e kasi nakakatakot sya! nakita ko kahapon nung<br /> pinapaliguan nya si itay...<br /> <br /> Nanay: o anong nakakatakot dun?<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: eh...nangangagat ng titi e!<br /> <br /> <br /> Nasa isang mall si Boy Bastos nang bigla siyang ma-jingle. Pumunta<br /> siya sa pinakamalapit na CR pero sarado ang men's room. Dahil<br /> desperado, sa women's room na lang siya nag-CR. Nang palabas siya,<br /> nahuli siya ng janitor.<br /> <br /> Janitor: Hoy, bakit dito ka umihe, hindi mo ba alam na pambabae itong<br /> CR na to?<br /> <br /> Inilabas ni Boy Bastos ang tite at ipinakita sa janitor.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: E bakit ito, hindi ba ito pambabae?<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Ang Pag-ibig ni Boy Bastos</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Crush ni boy si nene kaya di nya ito tinitigilan ?... sinisiko ni<br /> boy si nene<br /> <br /> nene: mam! si boy o! sinisiko ako!<br /> <br /> teacher: boy bastos! alam mo bang masakit ang maniko?<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: e mam, bat pa kayo pumasok?<br /> <br /> <br /> Isang hapon, niyakag ni Boy Bastos maglaro si Nene<br /> <br /> boy: uy, nene, laro tayo ng "wag wag"<br /> <br /> nene: anong "wag wag"?<br /> <br /> boy: ganito lang...maghubad ka tapos papatong ako sayo...tapos<br /> isisigaw mo, "wag! wag!"<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-82892393422219760882012-09-15T13:21:00.003+08:002012-09-15T13:21:36.674+08:00<br /> Isang araw, nung mga three years old na si Boy Bastos, sabay sila<br /> naligo ng tatay niya nang mapansin niyo yung etits ng kanyang tatay.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Tay, ano po yan?<br /> <br /> Tatay: A, eto, a, eh, ano to ?ah ?. (nahiya pa ang *beep*)<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Yan pong nakalawit na yan?<br /> <br /> Tatay: A, anak, eh, lumpia to.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Tangnang lumpia yan, mukhang tite!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Kinagabihan ..... nakita ni boy na dinidilaan ng nanay nya ang betlog<br /> ng tatay nya...<br /> <br /> boy bastos: nay, anong ginagawa mo?<br /> <br /> nanay: ah, anak, kumakain lang ako ng bola-bola.<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: antakaw mo naman nay! may bola-bola ka na nga, may lumpia<br /> ka pa!<br /> <br /> <br /> Nung hapon na ? nakita nya ang boobs ng kanyang nanay<br /> <br /> boy bastos: nay ano yan?<br /> <br /> nanay: wala anak, salbabida ang mga to.<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: pwede ko bang gamitin yan sa beach bukas?<br /> <br /> nanay: hindi pwede anak kasi gagamitin ko.<br /> <br /> Boy bastos: eh di yung kay yaya nalang.<br /> <br /> nanay: hindi pwede anak. walang hangin yun e.<br /> <br /> boy bastos: imposible nay! ka-iihip lang ni tatay kagabi e!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Nang mga 4 years old naman si Boy Bastos, aksidenteng nakita niya ang<br /> bulbol ng nanay niya.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: Nay ano po iyan? Bat may buhok kayo diyan?<br /> <br /> Nanay: Ah anak, wala iyan. Walis iyan.<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: t@ng!n@ kaya pala kagabi nakita ko yung katulong natin<br /> winawalis yung mukha ni tatay.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-85522453344828807882012-09-15T13:19:00.000+08:002012-09-15T13:19:08.153+08:00<b>Bago pa man mabuo si Boy...</b><br /> <br /> Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na tayong lumabas!<br /> Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!<br /> Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TAE!TAE! TAE!<br /> <br /> Sumunod na oras....<br /> <br /> Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!<br /> Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!<br /> Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TONSIL! TONSIL!<br /> <br /> At sa sumunod pa...<br /> <br /> Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!<br /> Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!<br /> Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD! *splat!*<br /> condom...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Kapanganakan ni Boy Bastos</b><br /> <br /> Sa kabutihang palad ay nabuo rin si Boy. at di nagtagal...<br /> <br /> Nanay: honey!!! oras na! manganganak na ako!!!<br /> Tatay: talaga honey? o teka lang! wag kang gagalaw!<br /> <br /> (Biglang naghubad si Tatay at ipinasok nya ang kanyang batutoy sa batutay ni Nanay!)<br /> <br /> Nanay: honey! anong ginagawa mo???<br /> Tatay: basta! akong bahala! ANAK! KUMAPIT KA! KUMAPIT KA!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Hindi umepekto ang "delivering the baby" style ni Tatay, so dinala si Nanay sa ospital...<br /> <br /> Doc: ayan ho Mrs., nakalabas na ang ulo ng anak nyo!<br /> nabigla si doc nang...<br /> <br /> Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?<br /> Doc: hindi! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! nurse halika dito dali!<br /> nang dumating ang lalaking nurse...<br /> Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?<br /> Nurse: naku! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! teka tatawagin ko sya!<br /> nang dumating si Tatay...<br /> Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?<br /> Tatay: oo anak! ako nga!<br /> Boy Bastos: (sinundot-sundot and noo ng Tatay) masarap ba yan ha? masarap?!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-28968121335250822282012-09-13T20:28:00.000+08:002012-09-16T16:34:36.824+08:00<br /> <b>Erap in Library</b><br /> <br /> What time does the library open? Erap on the phone asked.<br /> <br /> Nine A.M. came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?<br /> <br /> Not until nine A.M.? Erap asked in a disappointed voice.<br /> <br /> No, not till nine A.M.! the librarian said.<br /> <br /> Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?<br /> <br /> Ha, who said I wanted to get in?’ Erap sighed sadly. I want to get out!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>ANOTHER EXAMPLE</b><br /> <br /> Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?<br /> <br /> ERAP: Carabao, ma’am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?<br /> <br /> ERAP: How about another Carabao?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>IT HAPPENED IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM</b><br /> <br /> Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone<br /> Doctor: Are you choking?<br /> Erap: No, I’m serious!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>While in A Drugstore</b><br /> <br /> Erap: I’d like some vitamins for my Grandson.<br /> Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?<br /> Erap: It does matter, cause he can’t read yet!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>While in a Prayer Vigil</b><br /> <br /> Erap: Bro. Mike, can prostitute be saved?<br /> Bro. Mike: Siyempre!<br /> Erap: Sige, I-save mo ako para sa Sabado nights, ayos!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>While in a Pizzeria</b><br /> <br /> Erap: What are your specialties?<br /> Waiter: Sir, we serve all kinds of pizza.<br /> Erap: Talaga?, bigyan mo ang ako ng Shakeys!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>CALLING ON U.P</b><br /> <br /> Erap calling U.P. Diliman:<br /> Erap: Hello! Is this Diliman?<br /> Operator; No, this is Padre Faura!<br /> Erap: I’m sorry father, wrong number!!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>While hailing a taxicab somewhere</b><br /> <br /> Erap: Magkano papuntang San Juan?<br /> Driver: Ikaw lang bang mag-isa?<br /> Erap: Bakit, di ka ba sasama?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b><br /> LOOK ALIKE</b><br /> <br /> Chinggoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin non dad?<br /> <br /> Erap: Mukha kang PERA.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>ALL ABOUT THE ECONOMY</b><br /> <br /> Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: ‘Mr. President, what can you say about the economy?’<br /> <br /> Erap: I don’t know, kasi nasa first class ako...Toinnks!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-56752232191372937442012-09-11T20:30:00.000+08:002012-09-16T16:34:19.620+08:00<br /> <b>MAKING A SPEECH </b><br /> <br /> While typing Erap's speech to be delivered in joint commnunique, Erap's secretary paused awhile and asked Erap. <br /> <br /> Secretary: Sir, dalawa nga ba ang -o- sa unahan ng cooperation? <br /> <br /> Erap: Dagdagan mo pa nang isa para sigurado.<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>ERAP'S DARE to Criminals</b><br /> <br /> Wag nyo akong subukan! <br /> <br /> <b>Erap to politicians</b> Wag nyo akong subukan! <br /> <br /> <b>Erap to Monica Lewinski</b><br /> <br /> Ako naman subukan mo!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Letter of SHErap to son JAYVEE</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Dear JAYVEE: <br /> <br /> Kamusta na sa Amerika, anak? Mabagal ko'ng isinulat ang liham na ito<br /> dahil alam kong mabagal ka ring magbasa. Anak, gusto ko lamang <br /> iparating na hindi na kami sa Malacanang nakatira ngayon. Nabasa kasi<br /> ng mommy mo (si LHoi), na kadalasan na ang mga aksidente ay nangyayari<br /> sa bahay kaya't napagpasiyahan ko na lumipat na ng tirahan. Pero<br /> huwag kang mag-alala. Dinala ko naman ang karatula ng ating lumang <br /> address kaya maari mo pa rin akong sulatan sa dati nating address.<br /> Mahirap na kasi ang pabago-bago. Alam mo naman na napakarami ko ng<br /> kinakabisado.<br /> <br /> Maganda naman ang tirahan namin ngayon. Mayroon pa ngang built-in na<br /> washing machine. subali't ng labhan ko yung damit ko, hindi na bumalik.<br /> kaya't huwag kang bibili ng Saniware washing machine, anak. malakas pa<br /> naman sana ang ikot ... Maganda rin ang lagay ng panahon dito. dalawang<br /> beses lamang umulan last week. Yung una, mula lunes hanggang miyerkules, <br /> yung pangalawa, mula huwebes hanggang linggo. <br /> <br /> <br /> Tungkol nga pala sa coat na gusto mong ipadala namin... masyado raw <br /> mabigat sabi ni Orly kung isasama yung mga butones. kaya pasensiya ka<br /> na kung tinanggal namin bago namin ipadala. Nilagay naman namin sa <br /> bulsa para hindi mawala.<br /> <br /> <br /> Ay naku! Alam mo bang basang-basa kami nung martes(nung unang umulan <br /> last week)? Naiwan kasi nitong si Senator Tito yung susi ng BMW niya<br /> sa loob. Eh nakabukas pa naman ang sunroof ! Basang-basa tuloy ang <br /> interior! mabuti na lamang at gumanap na carnapper itong si Jinggoy <br /> nung araw kaya nabuksan niya ang kotse mula sa labas. Ang kaso mo, ng<br /> pumasok kami ni Jinggoy,naiwan si senator tito sa labas at hindi na <br /> naman niya mabuksan ang kotse! WALA na NAMAN sa kanya ang susi. &^&@%* <br /> mga artistang politiko talaga yan! Hindi gumagamit ng IQ... muntik na<br /> kaming malunod nuon ah!<br /> <br /> <br /> Naalala ko tuloy yung pinsan kong nahulog sa tangke ng whiskey! Marami<br /> sana ang gustong sumagip pero pinilit pa ring niyang uminom at libre! <br /> Ayun,nalunod at pina-cremate ---- anim na araw rin ang binilang bago <br /> natapos ang apoy... kaya pag namatay ako, hindi ako paki-cremate... <br /> masakit. <br /> <br /> <br /> Siyanga pala, nanganak na si jackie kahapon.. Hindi ko pa alam kung <br /> lalaki o babae kaya hindi ko masabi kong ikaw ay isa ng Uncle o Auntie.<br /> Naku! napakalikot na bata... eager beaver ika nga! Anak, hanggang dito<br /> na lamang muna ang aking liham... Marami pang pagbabago ang kailangan <br /> gawin sa Pilipinas. Ayun sa survey, 95% pa lang ng mga Filipino ang <br /> naging madasalin mula ng ako'y naging presidente! Kailangan 120%!!!<br /> Siyempre kailangan kasama ang mga OCW sa abroad, no?<br /> <br /> Love,<br /> PAPA SHERAP<br /> <br /> <br /> P.S. Papadalahan sana kita ng pera pero nakasarado na ang sobre...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Who is The More Intelligent Candidate?</b><br /> <br /> <br /> This incident supposedly happened before the "ERAP PRESIDENCY".<br /> The most intelligent the "presidentiable"(Pinoy term for preisential candidates), <br /> Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to <br /> a televised debate.<br /> <br /> To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question <br /> which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam<br /> a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.<br /> Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?<br /> " Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and <br /> hands it to Miriam.<br /> <br /> Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs, <br /> and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.<br /> She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. <br /> She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. <br /> Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. <br /> All to no avail.<br /> <br /> After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.<br /> Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.<br /> Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"<br /> Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>ERAP IN a PARTY</b><br /> <br /> Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap, “I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?”<br /> <br /> Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, “Oh, my wife just passed away.”<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>ERAP and THE LIGHT</b><br /> <br /> Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light (as driver switches on the parking light)<br /> <br /> Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.<br /> <br /> Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)<br /> <br /> Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.<br /> <br /> Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)<br /> <br /> Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>NATURE'S CALL</b><br /> <br /> <br /> FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them.<br /> <br /> The executioner starts the countdown: “10, 9, 8,….”. FVR shouts, “Flood!”. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.<br /> <br /> It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: “Earchquake!”. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.<br /> <br /> Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: “10, 9, 8, 7….”. Erap had a mental block. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” Erap shouted: “Fire!”<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-84443975053045663322012-09-11T20:06:00.000+08:002012-09-16T16:33:58.917+08:00<br /> <b>LOCAL sa Malacañang</b><br /> <br /> A cub reporter was complaining about the President's accessibility to the media.<br /> <br /> Talking to another veteran media man, he said it is harder now to get through The President compared to those days when he was still Mayor, Senator and even Vice President.<br /> <br /> The media man said, "Pare, hindi totoo yan! In fact they have installed a very sophisticated telephone system over at Malacanang. All you need to do is lift the handset and presto you can talk to the President anytime."<br /> <br /> "Really?" said the amused reporter and hurriedly ended the conversation. "O, sige pare, thank you sa tip ha? Tatawag na kaagad ako sa Presidente!"<br /> <br /> And so the reporter got hold of a telephone and dialed the Malaca�ang number, and this is what he heard:<br /> <br /> "GOOD MORNING, YOU HAVE REACHED THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT. IF YOU WISH TO TALK TO HIM IN TAGALOG, PLEASE PRESS 1.<br /> <br /> IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM IN FILIPINO, PLEASE PRESS 2.<br /> <br /> IF YOU INSIST ON TALKING TO HIM IN ENGLISH, PLEASE HANG UP AND DON'T CALL AGAIN!"<br /> <br /> That didn't dampen the spirit of the persistent reporter. He dialed the number again and followed the instruction by pressing 1 for Tagalog, and this is what he heard:<br /> <br /> "MAGANDANG UMAGA PO, ANG INYONG TAWAG AY NAKARATING SA TANGGAPAN NG PANGULONG ERAP.<br /> <br /> SA KASAWIANG PALAD, SIYA AY KASALUKUYAN PANG NATUTULOG. KUNG MAYROON KAYONG IBANG NAIS MAKAUSAP, SUNDIN ANG MGA SUMUSUNOD:<br /> <br /> PINDUTIN ANG ISA PARA SA UNANG ASAWA.<br /> <br /> PINDUTIN ANG DALAWA PARA SA PANGALAWANG ASAWA,<br /> <br /> AT PINDUTIN ANG TATLO KUNG MAYROON KAYONG MAIRE-REKOMENDA!" <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>MADAM LOI'S SECRET</b><br /> <br /> Erap to Loi: Wow ang bango mo ngayon ah! Ano'ng gamit mong pabango?<br /> <br /> Loi: Secret!!!<br /> <br /> Erap: Secret? Di ba pinapahid yun sa kili-kili? <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Erap Joke The Beginning</b><br /> <br /> Once, Erap and Dra. Loi went dining in a classy restaurant. Since Erap likes to show off to his wife, their conversation went like this:<br /> <br /> Erap: O, saan tayo kakain?<br /> <br /> Loi: Sa japanese restaurant sa Ayala, masarap doon!<br /> <br /> Erap: Ah, oo. Doon sa kwan, sa kung saan merong buffet (actually, he pronounced it as BUFF-FETT)<br /> <br /> Loi: (Correcting him) Dear, hindi buff-fett...buffet<br /> <br /> Erap: Ah, okay.... sorry.<br /> <br /> By this time, they had already stopped in front of the restaurant. They got out and had a good time.<br /> <br /> Erap: Aah, saraaap. Teka, natatandaan mo ba yung valet na kumuha ng kotse natin? (Again, he pronounced the word erratically, as VA-LETT)<br /> <br /> Loi: Dear, valet, hindi va-lett.<br /> <br /> Erap: Sige na, sige na... Magbayad na tayo, akina yung WA-LEY ko! <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>NEXT<a href="http://lets-joke-in.blogspot.com/2012/09/erap-jokes-relived-4.html"></a></b><br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-7037947231710538562012-09-11T19:52:00.003+08:002012-09-16T16:33:42.630+08:00<br /> <b>ERAP IN SCHOOL</b><br /> <br /> Classmate 1: What is 5 plus 4?<br /> <br /> Erap: Eh di 9!<br /> <br /> Classmate 2: What is 4 plus 5?<br /> <br /> Erap: Gagaguhin mo pa ako eh binaligtad mo lang... eh di 6! <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>GATE CRASHING</b><br /> <br /> During the past Olympic Games held in Spain, then Vice-President Erap, then President Ramos and then Speaker Joe deV were invited to attend. But their invitations lacked the passes they need to enter the Olympics area. Here goes the story:<br /> <br /> Erap to FVR: Boss, pano to? Hindi tayo makakapasok!<br /> <br /> Joe deV: Oo nga, ser.<br /> <br /> FVR: No problem, boyzz.. Magpapanggap tayong mga athletes. So, humanap muna kayo ng mga props ninyo at magkita-kita tayo dito in 1 hour.<br /> <br /> And so they all went away looking for the appropriate props. After one hour...<br /> <br /> FVR: O, ano'ng dala ninyo? Ako may dalang pana, magpapanggap akong athlete sa Archery!<br /> <br /> Joe deV: Ako may dalang flagpole, magpapanggap akong athlete sa pole vault!<br /> <br /> FVR: O, Erap, ba't may dala kang barbed wire?<br /> <br /> Erap: (Proudly) Athlete ako ng fencing!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Erap teaching his grandchild an Action Song</b><br /> <br /> "Put your right feet on, put your left feet out." <br /> <br /> Loi heard him and said "Dad, its foot."<br /> <br /> Erap: "Sorry, okay foot your right feet in, foot your left feet out." <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>PRESIDENTIAL FAVORITES</b><br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Filipino:<br /> <br /> Cory: Ninoy Aquino<br /> <br /> Eddie: Andres Bonifacio<br /> <br /> Erap: Casino Filipino<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Campaign Jingle:<br /> <br /> Cory: Tie a Yellow Ribbon<br /> <br /> Eddie: La Bamba<br /> <br /> Erap: Sha la la la<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Movie:<br /> <br /> Cory: Gandhi<br /> <br /> Eddie: The Longest Day<br /> <br /> Erap: Forrest Gump<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Saying:<br /> <br /> Cory: Hope for the best and God will do the rest<br /> <br /> Eddie: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going<br /> <br /> Erap: Life is like a box of chocolates<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Poem:<br /> <br /> Cory: The Road Not Taken<br /> <br /> Eddie: Charge of the Light Brigade<br /> <br /> Erap: Asong Mataba<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Book:<br /> <br /> Cory: Gone with the Wind<br /> <br /> Eddie: War and Peace<br /> <br /> Erap: Rin Tin Tin<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Business Maxim:<br /> <br /> Cory: Pile it high, sell it cheap<br /> <br /> Eddie: Either lead, follow or get out of the way<br /> <br /> Erap: Happy hour, 50 percent off<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Beatles Song:<br /> <br /> Cory: Let It Be<br /> <br /> Eddie: Taxman<br /> <br /> Erap: Help!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Latin Maxim:<br /> <br /> Cory: Ora et labora<br /> <br /> Eddie: Labora, labora, labora<br /> <br /> Erap: Adora Guia, Perla, Nora, et cetera<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Favorite Alibi:<br /> <br /> Cory: I had a previous engagement<br /> <br /> Eddie: I had a previous engagement<br /> <br /> Erap: I had a "pressing" engagement <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b><br /> SOUNDS LIKE</b><br /> <br /> While in a diplomatic mission, President Estrada, Former Presidents Cory and Eddie were invited to South America to speak on economic recovery. While they were being toured by their host, they were ambushed by terrorists. Luckily, they escaped into the nearby jungle. Here's how the story went...<br /> <br /> "How are we going to get back now?" Cory asked in general. As usual, it was FVR who had the solution, being a military man, he is trained to think of fast alternatives.<br /> <br /> "Let's try to walk in a straight line towards the sun, and sooner or later we will get to a village." he said. And so they walked. After a few hours of walking, they heard the cries of the terrorists hunting them. Somehow, they were seen and an ensuing chase began.<br /> <br /> Suddenly, Erap had a bright idea. "Eddie! Cory! Magtago na lang muna tayo! Pagod na ako, eh!" he said panting.<br /> <br /> "Good idea!" "Sige!" FVR and Cory said simultaneously. And they stopped and looked around for a place to hide. FVR saw the pond and lowered himself into it. Cory saw a thick clump of bushes and inserted herslef among the leaves. Erap, running out of ground-level hiding places, looked up and saw a tree with a lot of leaves.<br /> <br /> "Aha! Makapal ang dahon! They will not see me here!" and so he climbed the tree.<br /> <br /> Not a moment too soon, the terrorists burst into the area where they were standing scant moments ago. Of course they did not see anything, for the trio was very well hidden. Unfortunately, FVR sneezed.<br /> <br /> "What's that!!?? Who's there!!!???" shouted one of the terrorists, pointing his gun around. FVR, thinking fast, imitated a frog.<br /> <br /> "KOKAK, KOKAK," he said.<br /> <br /> "Aah, it's just a frog," said the terrorist. At the same moment, Cory was bitten by an insect and let out a small cry.<br /> <br /> "What's that!!?? Who's there!!!???" shouted the terrorist, pointing his gun around. Cory, not ready to be caught, imitated a duck.<br /> <br /> "QUACK, QUACK!" she said.<br /> <br /> "Aah, it's just a duck," said the terrorist, relaxing. Erap, meanwhile did not look for a suitable branch to hang on to, and soon he began to slip. Movement among the tree leaves alerted the terrorist.<br /> <br /> "What's that!!?? Who's there!!!???" shouted the terrorist, pointing his gun upwards. Erap, following suit the examples of his comrades, said,<br /> <br /> "MOOOOOOOOOOOO!" <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>DURING CALIFORNIA'S QUAKE </b><br /> <br /> Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the <br /> Beverly Hotel without his clothes on.<br /> Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something...<br /> Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <a href="http://lets-joke-in.blogspot.com/2012/09/erap-jokes-relived-3.html"><b>NEXT</b></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-73900281952852817492012-09-11T19:47:00.003+08:002012-09-16T16:33:24.909+08:00<br /> <b>The charisma and sensibility of the Filipino have frequently been tickled by the perennial and funny jokes that is being associated with the most loved actor politician of his day, none other than the ever amusing President Erap. On this Blog you will find a number of jokes that is sure to bring back memories during your early high school or college days when much of these jokes are cracked!</b><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>ERAP WHILE ON VACATION IN SPAIN</b><br /> <br /> <br /> One day, Erap was touring Spain. After his day's sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's balls from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" Erap, though momentarily daunted when he learned the origin of the dish said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving a day since there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!" Early the next morning, Erap returned, placed his order and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter promptly replied, "Si senor! Sometimes the bull wins." <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>SPELLING BEE</b><br /> <br /> <br /> There was once a quiz bee held at Malacanang. The contestants were Erap, Morato, and Roco. All were pretty good and they all got the same points. Then came the tie-breaking question. The type of the question was fill in the blank and spell the answer.<br /> <br /> The statement runs this way.<br /> <br /> "Old McDonald had a _________."<br /> <br /> The contestants immediately pushed the buzzer. Morato was the first so he was given the chance first.<br /> <br /> Host: "Okey Mr. Morato, what is your answer?":<br /> <br /> Morato: "Old McDonald had a Duck ?"<br /> <br /> Host: "I'm sorry, but that's not the correct answer."<br /> <br /> It was then Roco's chance.<br /> <br /> Host: "Mr. Roco, what's do you think is the correct answer?"<br /> <br /> Roco: " Old McDonald had a Farme (as in farm) sir?"<br /> <br /> Host: "That's right Mr. Roco! Now, will you please spell 'farm'?"<br /> <br /> Roco: " F-A-R-M-E!"<br /> <br /> Host: "I'm sorry, but the spelling is wrong."<br /> <br /> Then came Erap"s chance. If he spells it right, he'll win the contest!<br /> <br /> Host: "Sir, will you now give us your answer ?"<br /> <br /> Erap: "Sure! That's nothing!!"<br /> <br /> His answer?<br /> <br /> "Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!"<br /> <br /> Audience: YAIIKS!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>KILLED HIS WIFE</b><br /> <br /> Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house? <br /> <br /> <br /> Because the contract read: "Execute all 3 copies together with your wife..." <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>ERAP'S INQUIRY</b><br /> <br /> Erap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco?<br /> <br /> Operator: Just a minute sir...<br /> <br /> Erap: Thank you! (klik). <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <b>MODERN INVENTION</b><br /> <br /> Seated between a Japanese and German businessmen, ERAP listens to the two.<br /> <br /> The German, talking in his native language, had on a headgear. The Japanese<br /> <br /> asked the German "Kore wa des ka?...what is that?" <br /> <br /> GERMAN: "Hiel...dezz iz nothing. It iz zee latest technology ien <br /> <br /> Germany... the headsvone! I am talking to mine headquarters in<br /> <br /> zee Berlin."<br /> <br /> The Japanese, not to be outdone, also started talking in his native<br /> <br /> language. The German asked him, "Vhat is dhat?"<br /> <br /> JAPANESE: "Ano ne..kore wa is latest Japanes technology in Japan! <br /> <br /> Have mic implant in tongue... and speaker in ear. I speak to office in Tokyo...neh."<br /> <br /> ERAP, irked by the two other nationalities started to do a slow and<br /> <br /> looong FART. "....GRRRRR, GRRRR..PUPURURUUUUTTTTUUUT!" <br /> <br /> The two businessmen closing their noses say...."HORRIBLE, WHAT'S THAT SOUND??" <br /> <br /> ERAP says proudly, "Ah that, that's nothing. I WAS ONLY SENDING A FAX!!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <a href="http://lets-joke-in.blogspot.com/2012/09/erap-jokes-relived-2.html"><b>NEXT</b></a><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-4249340476551775772012-09-08T12:33:00.001+08:002012-09-16T16:32:35.481+08:00<br /> <br /> Libro ka ba? Ang Kapal mo kasi.<br /> <br /> <br /> Musika ka ba? Napapasayaw mo kasi ang puso ko.<br /> <br /> <br /> Condom ka ba? Kasi I feel safe with you.<br /> <br /> <br /> Drugs ka ba? Naadik kasi ako sa ‘yo.<br /> <br /> <br /> Higad ka ba? Ang kati mo kasi.<br /> <br /> <br /> Puto ka ba? Dinuguan kasi ako, bagay tayo.<br /> <br /> <br /> Ibon ka ba? Lumilipad ka kasi sa utak ko.<br /> <br /> <br /> Hotwater ka ba? Napapaso kasi ako sa pagmamahal mo.<br /> <br /> <br /> Unan ka ba? Sarap mo kasing yakapin.<br /> <br /> <br /> Freezer ka ba? Tinitigasan kasi ako sa ‘yo.<br /> <br /> <br /> Ulan ka ba? Nababasa kasi ako sa ‘yo.<br /> <br /> <br /> Ayoko na sa sarili ko! Pwede bang sa ‘yo na lang ako?<br /> <br /> <br /> Troso ka ba? Ang sarap mo kasing sibakin eh.<br /> <br /> <br /> Isusumbong kita sa pulis. Ninakaw mo kasi ang puso ko.<br /> <br /> <br /> Turnilyo ka ba? Sarap mo kasing i-screwhin.<br /> <br /> <br /> Tambutso ka ba? Umuusok kasi kagandahan at kaseksihan mo.<br /> <br /> <br /> Libag ka ba? Lagi ka kasing nakadikit sa katawan ko.<br /> <br /> <br /> Isda ka ba? Ang tinik mo kasi.<br /> <br /> <br /> Baril ka ba? Patira naman oh, kahit isang putok lang.<br /> <br /> <br /> Bomba ka ba? Sumasabog kasi kagandahan mo.<br /> <br /> <br /> Galing ka bang greenhills? Ang cheap mo kasi.<br /> <br /> <br /> Kotse ka ba? Sarap mo kasing sakyan.<br /> <br /> <br /> Computer ka ba? Sarap mo kasing iturn-on.<br /> <br /> <br /> Glue ka ba? Ang lagkit mo kasing makatingin.<br /> <br /> <br /> Dagat ka ba? Sarap mo kasing sisirin.<br /> <br /> <br /> Kandila ka ba? Sarap mo kasing sindihan para mawala ka na.<br /> <br /> <br /> Durian ka ba? Ang baho mo kasi pero ang sarap mong papakin.<br /> <br /> <br /> Utot ka ba? Di ko kasi maaming ikaw ay akin.<br /> <br /> <br /> Daing ka ba? Kasi im dying without you.<br /> <br /> <br /> Kuto ka ba? Sarap mo kasing tirisin.<br /> <br /> <br /> Itlog ka ba? Ang dali mo kasing bilugin (as in maloko).<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8425974802377145469.post-71331984940925018262012-09-08T12:09:00.002+08:002012-09-16T16:33:02.256+08:00<br /> <br /> <b>Is it more of a Fact or a fiction?:</b><br /> <br /> <br /> 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.<br /> <br /> <br /> 2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin… they can’t face each other, but, they still stay together.<br /> <br /> <br /> 3. Married life is very frustrating.<br /> <br /> .In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.<br /> <br /> .In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.<br /> <br /> .In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen..<br /> <br /> <br /> 4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.<br /> <br /> <br /> 5. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.<br /> <br /> <br /> 6. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something she says. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finish.<br /> <br /> <br /> 7. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.<br /> <br /> <br /> 8. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, that is LOVE. After marriage, that is SELF DEFENSE.<br /> <br /> <br /> 9. A wife becomes a “SEX OBJECT” when every time the husband asks for sex she objects!<br /> <br /> <br /> 10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.<br /> <br /> 11. There are two four-letter words that are offensive to men in marriage : “don’t” and “stop”, unless, they are used together (“don’t stop”).<br /> <br /> 12. Marriage is an institution where the man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Master’s Degree.<br /> <br /> 13. In marriage, a man can have words with his wife, but, a woman can have paragraphs with her husband.<br /> <br /> 14. Marriage is love. Love is blind.<br /> <br /> Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.<br /> <br /> 15. There are 3 stages of SEX in a married life:<br /> <br /> Tri-weekly, try weekly and tries weakly.<br /> <br /> 16. LOVE is a long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the alarm clock.<br /> <br /> 17. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.<br /> <br /> But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.<br /> <br /> 18. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence … a LIFE SENTENCE.<br /> <br /> <br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0