Jokes Collected From Emails

Fwd: Fw: Fw: Difference between "Wife" &"Girlfriend

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 16:04:00 +0000

Some people say :

Wife is a HARIMAU (Tiger)
Girlfriend is HARI HARI MAU (Like to have it everyday)

And some say:
Wife is like TV, Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, Go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old but HP, is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding.
Most Important, TV got remote but HP doesn't have.

Last but not least........
TV do not have virus but HP have VIRUS......
Once get it, HABIS LAH (Finish-gone case).
So better choose TV lah!

Fwd: Down to the last penny

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 15:52:00 +0000

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.

He gives the young boy three 5 rupee coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.

The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the coins but is still choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat
and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter!!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the coins, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen

anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'

'No', the woman replied, 'I'm with ICICI Bank -Loan department.........

Fwd: FW: Fwd: FW: Copper Wire - Good One!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 15:44:00 +0000

Have a good laugh and enjoy yourself......

Subject: Fwd: FW: Copper Wire - Good One!

COPPER WIRE
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the Dept of Minerals and Energy in Malaysia, reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Central Kedah region, Mahatir Mohammed, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Mahatir has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Malaysia had already gone wireless."

Malaysia Boleh !

"The power of ability is the passion to make things happen."

Fwd: Fw: Who in the hell is Larry? l

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 15:41:00 +0000

Who in the hell is Larry?

Who in the hell is Larry?

Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and: Linda, his wife says, Where the hell have you been? Larry replies:
I was out getting a tattoo!
A tattoo? she frowned. What kind of tattoo did you get?
I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates, he said proudly.
What the hell were you thinking? She said, shaking her head in disgust.
Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?
Well, One, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.

Larry is in the hospital, room 233.

Fwd: Fw: Fw: Fwd: ......just too much golf.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 15:36:00 +0000

A man is watching a game of golf on TV.

But he keeps switching channels to an X rated movie featuring a lusty couple having sex.

"I don't know whether to watch them or the game", he says to his wife.

"For Heaven's sake, watch them," his wife says "You already know how to play golf!"

Here is somethign to laugh about....

1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

7. What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."

WOMAN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after her....
When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her.
When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her.
When she is 48 - She is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.

Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Fwd: :*: ABCDEFGH-IJK...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:49:00 +0000

Hello guys,

Dare u to tell ur other half.........

Hahahahaha............

KC

Subject: Fw: :*: ABCDEFGH-IJK...

---

A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said "You're A B C D E F G H I J K."

She said "What's that mean?"

He said "Adorable Beautiful Cute Delightful Elegant Foxy Gorgeous Hot."

She said "Ooohh that's so lovely - but what about I J K?"

"I'm. Just. Kidding."

Fwd: Fw: "THE LIE DETECTOR

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:49:00 +0000

“THE LIE DETECTOR”

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.
Dad: "Son, where were you today during school hours?"
SON: "At school." Robot slaps son! "Ok, I lied, I went to the movies."
DAD: "Which one?"
SON: "Toy Story." Robot slaps son again! "Ok, it was “A Day with a Porn Star."
DAD: "What?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was". Robot slaps Dad!
MOM: "Ha, ha! After all he's your son." Robot slaps mom.

Fwd: Fw: FW: One spelling mistake can destroy your life!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:39:00 +0000

Big mistake leh!!!!!!!!

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word...
" I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her "

The trial begins on Monday.

Fwd: Fw: Fw: Ten ways to start a fight.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:38:00 +0000

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's
how the fight started.....

______________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't
been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care
of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important
to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home
one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was
gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's
on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded
to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went
back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I
cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that's how the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability, too.'

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy
with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's how the fight started.......

Fwd: Fw: Fwd: FW: Confucius says....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:35:00 +0000

Confucius says....

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up womans' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAYS....

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

The world is a dangerous place not because of people who do evil, but because of good people who look on and do nothing about it.
-- Albert Einstein

Fwd: Fw: New Generation ABC Icon at Nursery School

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:28:00 +0000

Fwd: Fw: Knowledge : 医生和强盗的区别

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:14:00 +0000

区别

*医生和强盗的区别*
*The differences between Robbers and Doctors..

强盗通常只在晚上做案，医生却全天候抢钱；*
*Robber normally rob at night, Doctors rob every moment of the days.

强盗风里来雨里去四处流，医生冬天暖夏天凉环境优雅；*
*Robber will be loitering all over and look for shelter when it
rains,Doctors lives in comfort.

你把钱交给强盗是为了活命，你为了活命而把钱交给医生；*
*You gave money to robbers for your life, you gave money for life to
doctors.

强盗只能抢光你身上的财富，医生却能抢光你一生的积蓄*
*Robbers rob all your belongs , doctors takes away your life long savings.

强盗只会逼你掏钱，医生却能逼你借债；*
*Robbers force you to dig your pockets,doctors force you to take loan for
life.

你碰上强盗作案可以破财消灾，你碰上医生抢钱却得倾家荡产；*
*You meet robbers you need to give what you have,you meet doctors you have
to give all your hard earn belongings.

强盗作案时胆战心惊小心翼翼，医生抢钱时理直气壮无所顾忌；*
*Robbers carefully,quitely steal your money, doctors daringly,openly takes
your money.

强盗还怕你人多势众，医生却连**也照抢不误；*
*Robbers afraid of you having a lot of people,doctors careless how many you
have and even rob all of you.

你被强盗抢了可以报警，你被医生抢了只能认命；*
*When you are robbed by ribbers you can make a police report,when you are
rob by doctors you had to live with it.

强盗作案是把自己打扮成魔鬼，医生抢钱时把自己伪装成天使；*
*Robber are ghost when robbing you,doctors are angels when robbing you.

强盗抢光你的钱他逃跑，医生抢光你的钱叫你滚蛋；*
*Robber after robbing you will run away,doctors after robbing you will ask
you to get loss.

强盗抢多了叫数额巨大得枪毙，医生钱抢多了称贡献突出受表彰；*
*Robber who robs you a large summ will be fire squad, doctor who robs all
yours will be accredited in Hall of Fame.

你把强盗杀了叫正当防卫，你把医生宰了叫违法犯罪；*
*You kill a robber for protection, you kill a doctor you will be prisoned.

医生一辈子也许不会被强盗抢，强盗一生中肯定会被医生抢；*
*Doctors will never be rob by robbers but robbers will definitely be rob by
doctors.

医生上辈子肯定是强盗，强盗下辈子一定想做医生。*
*Last generation all doctors are robbers,all robbers will definitely wish to
be doctorsl
*

Fwd: Fw: ~A sociable illness--Whole village in danger of being infected!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:56:00 +0000

Khan is studying in the west as he is calling his mom:

KHAN:     Mom, I have AIDS.

Mother:    Don't come back my son.

KHAN:    Why Mom?

Mother:

If you come back then your wife will be infected.

From your wife to your brother.

From your brother to our maid.

From our maid to your dad.

From your dad to my sister.

From my sister to her husband.

From him to me and from me to our driver.

From our driver to your sister.

And if your sister got AIDS, then..........the whole village will be infected!:

So in the name of god please save our village.    Don't come back!...

Fwd: Fw: HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:55:00 +0000

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip.
It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man ...

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
----------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.

Twice.

Fwd: [Decent Facts!!!-------------]

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:52:00 +0000

Subject: Decent Facts!!!-------------

1. Life without Friends is like Boobs Without Nipples... POINTLESS !
2. A Fact: Fuck a woman and she Loves you... Love a woman and she Fucks      you:
3. MBBS Final Exam question paper: Fill in the blanks . . .
    "If a woman faints, we must first check her pu_s_. "   Only few         students like me who wrote: 'Pulse' passed

4. The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. They are sentenced to:     'Hang Till Death !'

5. Boy: How much Calcium is there in a woman's BREASTS?
   Girl: Enough to help a Man's Boneless Thing stand up:
6. Give an example of Total Business Failure due to Negligence...                      A Pregnant Prostitute

7. If Necessity is the Mother of Invention, then.. Frustration is the         Father of Masturbation!:

8. If your Boss says: 'Nothing is Impossible', ask him to wear a condom     after sex ....

Fwd: Fw:

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:50:00 +0000

Abu Bekir Taib Mahmud, the second son of Tan Sri Taib Mahmud when interviewed by the Press whether it is true that he is sued for RM 400million as a divorce settlement, he admitted that it is true.

When further asked how he managed to amass such wealth, he said is due to “dedikasi”. When challenged that at his young age, it cannot be possibly due to his dedication in whatever business he is in, he said, you must have heard wrongly - he had said, “daddy kasi”...

Fwd: Question for Confucius

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:47:00 +0000

Woman asks, "If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a

slut. But when a man sleeps with 10 women, everyone calls him a real man.
How come?"

Confucius replies, "It's very simple. When one lock can be
opened by 3 different keys, it's a bad lock.
But when one key can open 10 different locks, we call it a Master Key !"

Fwd: Fw: BIN LADEN SAID: CHINA IS THE WORLD'S ONLY COUNTRY

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:46:00 +0000

BIN LADEN SAID: CHINA IS THE WORLD'S ONLY COUNTRY

Bin Laden said: China is the world's only country we absolutely cannot
mess with.

The reason is this: al-Qaeda terrorists had made 8 attacks on the Chinese
with the following results:

One person was to explode a bomb in Beijing Xizhimen (the main northwest
gate of Beijing) but he lost his way in the three-dimensional traffic
bridge;

One person in Shanghai was to take a bus to explode a suicide bomb in
the bus, but it was so crowded he could not get into a bus for two
hours;

One person was to bomb a supermarket in Wuhan, but found that the bomb
remote control was stolen;

One person wanted to bomb government buildings in Chengdu, but was
EastTurkistan separatist, and was beaten and interrogated;

One person succeeded in bombing a Hebei mine, with hundreds of people
dead and wounded, and then returned to the al-Qaeda center, but even
after six months, failed to see any news reports on the success of the
bombing. He was considered by the organization to have claimed a false
victory and was executed.(this is the most pathetic!);

One person had tried to bomb Guangzhou, but as he came offthe train, a
motorcycle robber (flying car robber) snatched his bag (containing the
bomb) from him;

One person who arrived in Xi'an lost contact, and was later found at the
hospital in a state of coma. Doctors said it was the result of him
eating not only "black-hearted" food products, but he also drank fake
alcohol, and would possibly turn into a "vegetable" (vegetative
state);

Later, bin Laden tried to send a female terrorist to blow up Hainan
Island, but she was cheated into prostitution!

Finally, bin Laden hasto say: Remember!! China is the world's only country
we absolutely cannot mess with!

Hahaha. . . . .this is hilarious!

Fwd: FW: When girls don't....... - A MUST Read

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:45:00 +0000

When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy...it is GREAT!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night,        I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work    to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide   which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so   I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short   of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from   all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation,   she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at   least the bitch knows I'm smarter than she thought.

All right Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.

Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!

Fwd: Fw: Simple Truth

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:44:00 +0000

YOU WILL LIKE THE WISE SAYINGS BELOW:: HAHAHA

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story:

In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".

Moral of the story:

"Hard work is never appreciated”

Fwd: Joke of the day

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:25:00 +0000

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Bubba

Fwd: Fw: Mind Your Private Part...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 16:23:00 +0000

Mind Your Private Part

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan "We stare because we care!"

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Until Death!"

What is the difference between a chick and a baby?
Chick is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the difference between a Bomb & a Condom?
In a bomb blast, the population decreases, BUT in a condom blast, the population increases.

Fwd: "One day Najib walks into Maybank to cash a cheque..."

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 15:59:00 +0000

One day Najib walks into Maybank to cash a cheque. Normally he would have instructed his own staff to do such a menial task but since he badly wanted all the attention he could muster – and sign a few autographs along the way – he decided it was best he visited the bank himself and be seen to do what most ordinary folks do.
Upon entering the bank, the conversation goes as follows:
(looking pleased as punch and expecting to be instantly recognised)
Najib: Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?
Cashier: It would be my pleasure, sir, but could you please show me some identification first?
Najib: Frankly I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn’t think it was necessary. I’m sure you know who I am, correct?
Cashier: Well there are a lot of people who look like a lot of people, sir…
(not terribly amused by now)
Najib: Well! I am of course Najib, the Prime Minister of Malaysia!! Really how is it that you don’t know who I am!?
Cashier: Sir, it doesn’t matter whether or not I know who you are. I’m only an employee here and there are regulations that the bank imposes that we must follow regardless of who we serve. As you know banks are burdened by imposters, forgers, con men etc. So in accordance to banking regulations, I must insist on seeing your identification.
Najib: Just ask anyone here at the bank! I’m sure when they know who I am, they will not encumber me with your stupid regulations! EVERYBODY knows who I am!
Cashier: Aiyo…we have rules la….don’t make me lose my job la….I must follow these rules….
(getting very flustered by now)
Najib: I am urging you to PLEASE cash my cheque…now!
Cashier: Okay, sir, look here…this is what we can do. Hear me out..
Najib: MMMMPRFT!!!! (getting very impatient now and tapping his feet)
Cashier: One day Siti Nurhaliza came into the bank without identification. To prove her identity, she belted out a Celine Dion number and we knew instantly it was her because she sang it so horribly. Her English was hopeless. So we cashed her cheque without a problem.
Najib: But I can’t sing!!!!
Cashier: Another time, Lee Chong Wei came in also without identification. He pulled out his badminton racquet and made a fabulous shot, firing the shuttle right into my manager’s ass! With his world famous precision and court craft, we knew instantly it was him and we cashed his cheque too.
Najib: But I can’t play badminton!!! (looking desperate now)
Cashier: So what can you do to prove that it is you and only you? Since you say you are the Prime Minister of Malaysia, surely you can tell me or act out something that proves who you are to me.
(He stands there thinking and thinking…)
Najib: Honestly there is nothing that comes to my mind. I don’t have a single clue! I can’t think of even one thing I can do or say or express to you!
Cashier: So Mr Prime Minister, would you like that in large or small bills?

Fwd: FW: DON'T LAUGH

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 15:56:00 +0000

DON'T LAUGH

>
>
> In U.S.A. they invented a machine that could catch thieves; they took it out
> to different countries for a test.
>
>
>
> In the U.S. itself , in 30 minutes, the machine caught 20 thieves;
>
> In UK , in 30 minutes it
> caught more than 50 thieves;
>
> In Spain , in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves;
>
> In Ghana , in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves;
>
>
> In Malaysia , THEY CAUGHT NOBODY.
> In 10 minutes the machine was stolen! I told you not to laugh!!!
>
>
>
>
>
>

Fwd: Fw: ~Woman's Body..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 15:51:00 +0000

Woman's Body..

Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B" .... Blouse, Bra, Bikini , Boobs.... & the lower body with a "P" .... Petticoat, Pants, Panties, Pussy. No wonder men suffer from high BP (Blood Pressure)