Jokes Masala

Monkeys In The Plane..

2013-05-09T20:26:00.000+05:30

Once in Brazil (it mebbe a place of ur choice!), a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travelers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"
Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! !

Officer fainted .......

Rare Pic of Sachin Tendulkar

2013-05-08T12:34:00.001+05:30

Little Johnny Farts in Class

2013-04-17T19:31:00.000+05:30

Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing.

The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?"

Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out."

The principal says, "Well then, why are you laughing?"

Little Johnny says, "Because the dumb idiots are sitting in the classroom smelling my fart while they put me outside in this beautiful, clean air."

Hindustani se panga…?? Na Munna Na…

2013-04-09T18:11:00.000+05:30

American:" ye Kutub Minar kitne din main bana hai ??
Indian:" 1 mahine main..
.
.
American:" yeh hamare Country mein to 2 weeks mein ban jati hai..
.
.
Thoda aage jane k baad phir poocha:" Yeh Lal kila kitne din mein bana hai?
Indian:" Sirf 2 weeks mein
American:" hamare Country mein to 3 days mein ban jati hai...
.
.
.
Taj Mahal k paas se guzre toh american ne pucha:" Yeh Taj Mahal kitne din mein bani hai ??
.
.
.

Indian:" Pataa nahi Kal shaam tak to Nahin tha....

A man who hated his wife's cat..

2013-04-08T12:22:00.000+05:30

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.

He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man called his wife at home and asked her, "Is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" answered his wife.

Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions."

Some Best Teachers We Have, But We Never Noticed

2013-04-05T18:43:00.001+05:30

"Some Best Teachers We Have, But We Never Noticed:

Scooby Doo:
Taught that never be afraid of screwing up.

Tom and Jerry:
Taught friendship.

Courage the cowardly dog:
Taught to over come your fears.

Alladin:
Taught nothing is impossible

Mickey Mouse:
Taught to be good person.

Chip n dale:
Taught no matter how small you can still rock on.

Richie rich:
Taught to never feel proud.

Dexter:
Taught that science was fun.

Johny bravo:
Taught to flirt with girls, get rejected and never mind

Shinchan:
Taught to enjoy my life

Mr. Bean:
Taught to make everyone laugh :)"

Women oh Women!

2013-04-02T18:54:00.001+05:30

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes---that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better?"

The woman said, "That would be o.k.," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be o.k. because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be o.k. because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a MILD heart attack."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever. Don't screw with them

WRONG!! Her husband got a heartattack 10 times milder than hers.

NEW MORAL OF THE STORY IS : Women just think that they are clever but they are not ;)

कुछ पॉजिटिव भी है?

2013-04-02T18:18:00.002+05:30

एक बार संता को देखने के लिए लड़की वाले आये, कुछ देर बातें करने के बाद लड़की के बाप ने संता से कुछ सवाल जवाब करने शुरू किये।

लड़की का बाप: क्या तुम नॉन वेज खाते हो?

संता: जी हाँ।

लड़की का बाप: शराब पीते हो?

संता: जी हाँ।

लड़की का बाप: जुआ खेलते हो?

संता: हाँ।

लड़की का बाप: अरे तुम में सब कुछ नेगेटिव ही है या कुछ पॉजिटिव भी है?

संता: जी HIV पॉजिटिव है।

इंसानियत से विश्वास उठ गया

2013-04-02T18:17:00.000+05:30

एक चोर एक अमीर आदमी के घर में चोरी करने के लिए जाता है।

जब वह चोर तिजोरी के पास पहुंचता तो उसने देखा कि तिजोरी पर लिखा था, तिजोरी को तोड़ने की जरुरत नहीं है।

452 नंबर प्रेस करके सामने वाला बटन दबाओ, तिजोरी अपने आप ही खुल जायेगी।

उस चोर ने जैसे ही बटन दबाया जोर से अलार्म बजा और पुलिस आ गई।

चोर जाते-जाते सेठ से बोला, तुम्हारी वजह से आज से मेरा इंसानियत से विश्वास उठ गया है।

Ticket less Girls

2013-03-30T13:52:00.000+05:30

TC Fined Ticket less Girls...
Chudidar Girl Was Fined Rs100
Skirt Girl Rs 50

Mini Skirt Girl Rs 25
Next Girl Was Fined Rs 0
Why?
You Naughty
.
.
.
.
.
She Had Ticket…

Welcome to the family son

2013-03-25T19:14:00.001+05:30

A girl went to introduce the man she wanted to get married to,

Father: "So you want to marry my daughter, what do you do for a living?"

Man: "I just got out of prison, I will search for a job soon"

Father: "Whaaaat......!!!!!! You were in prison and you want to marry my daughter with that bad record,What did you do?"

Man: "I killed a person"

Father: "What did the person do?"

Man: "He denied me to marry his daughter"

Father: "Welcome to the family son"

The Bathtub Test

2013-03-19T21:01:00.000+05:30

In a Mental Asylum, a journalist asked the Doctor:
How do you determine whether to admit a patient or not?

Dr: Well, we first fill a Bath Tub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub...

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use d bucket bcoz its bigger.

Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now will you please proceed to bed no.39

donated a quarter

2013-03-16T19:12:00.002+05:30

I won a 2 million dollar lottery and donated a quarter of it to charity.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
Now I have $1,999,999.75 :D

This makes a sense!

2013-03-15T12:33:00.001+05:30

Ek baar fir apne College me wapas laut jau!

2013-03-10T11:38:00.001+05:30

Waha ki DHUP bhi achi lagti thi
Yaha ki AC me bhi aaram nahi hai

Waha GHAAS pe baithna bhi acha lagta tha
Yaha CHAIRS pe bhi chain nahi hai

Waha ke SAMOSHE bhi swadisht the
Yaha ke BURGER me bhi swad nahi hai

Waha ki CHAI bhi meethi lagti thi
Yaha ki CAPACHINO me bhi mithas nahi hai

Wo BLUE UNIFORM aur JEANS me ek confidence tha
Aaj FORMAL me bhi comfort nahi hai

Wo BLACK SHOES me jo baat tha
Woh aaj ADIDDAS aur NIKE me nahi hai

COLLEGE BUS ki aakhri seat pe baith ke Gaaye hue Gaano ki jaise ab Dhun bhi yaad nahi hai

Ab bas saamne ek Computer Screen hai aur hasne layak koi mazak nahi hai

Faculty se ladte waqt ye pata bhi nahi tha ki Manager ke samne kuch bol bhi nahi paenge
Ab to ye bhi nahi pata hota ki hum wapas Ghar kab jaenge

Ek Jhuthi Muskurahat liye hum jaise jee rahe hai
Zindagi ka koi bhi Ghum ho Office ke kaam ke saath pee rahe hai

Subah ka ek Message “Aaj nahi chalte yaar”
Ab “Its 9.30 where are u??” me badal gaya hai

Pehle jis hasti ko lagbhag pura College janta tha
Aaj wo ek CUBICAL me simat ke reh gaya hai

Pehle ek dusre ki party me jaise bill badhane jate the
Aaj ki Partiyo me thodi si Khusiya paane jate hai

Pehle Best Friend B’day pe cake na laye to gussa ho jate the
Aaj to Best Friend se B’day pe mil bhi nahi pate hai

Woh College group ki ladaiya jo agle din hi bhul jate the
Aaj Manager aur Subordinate ki jung me tabdeel ho gayi hai

Exam hall ki “ek line bata de yaar”
Wo ek line ab Google pe bhi nahi mil rahi hai

Pehle jinhe ghanto baith ke hasate the
Aj unse jee bhar ke baat karne ka bhi time nahi hai

Pehle jinse mile bina din nhi katta tha
Aj unke bina zindagi kat rahi hai

Wo Mid-Sem me ek shabd bhi na likhne ki azadi
Aaj jaise badi badi Excel sheet update karne ki majburi me tabdeel ho gayi hai

“Tune kitna padha plz mujhe bhi padha de yaar” yaha koi nahi sunta
“I have done my work please review it” hi hamari favorite line ban gayi hai

Dil kehta saari bandishe tod ke wapas chala jau
Ek baar fir apne College me wapas laut jau!

sleeping together

2013-03-10T11:12:00.000+05:30

Boy1: Meet my wife Tina :)
Boy2: Oh! I know her :p
Boy1: oh How? :/
Boy2: actually we were caught sleeping together :-|

Boy1: what?? What the hell? :-@
.
.
.
.
Boy2 : during lecture in maths class dude
Think Positive yar :D

Kids love story ♥

2013-03-10T11:03:00.002+05:30

Kids love story ♥

grl.... aaj mela mood off hai
boy ... tu ?

grl... mamaa ne daanta
boy... tu??

grl... me mamaa ke saath taam ni kati na
boy... aleee to kaam kalo na

grl.. mujhe aata ni na
boy.. to seekh lo na

grl...kache seekhu......
boy... me seekha duga

grl... sachiiiiiiii muchiii
grl... to seekho
boy... mele ghal chalo fil

grl... ghal pe tu
boy... ale baha mamaaa se boluga tumko chab seekha degi

grl... tum to ke le the tum
seekhoge
boy... aleee me seekhu ya
mamaa ek baat hai na

grl... fil to me apni mamaa se seekh lungi
boy... je b thik hai

grl... huhhh fil ichme tumne ka kiya
boy... aleee me to bol la hu mom ke paas talo

grl....mele ko ni jaana
boy... ek din to jaana palega

grl... tu jaana palega bolo
boy... mele che shaadi kalke aaogi na mele ghal pe

grl... me tu aaugi ,,, tum aa jaana
boy... aleee shaadi ke baad grls jaati hai

grl... tumko kaiche pata
boy... mele ko pata hai

grl... kichne bataya
boy... mamaa ne

grl... oteeeee fil to aa jaugi
letin abhi ni...
boy... atha baba abhi ni letin baad me aaogi na??

grl... ha aaugi
boy... plomis

grl... plomissssssssss
boy... lub u
grl ... lub u 2

ab lite b kaldo chabb

The World As We Know....

2013-03-08T19:59:00.000+05:30

If Govinda was a spider man...

2013-02-27T17:08:00.001+05:30

If Govinda was a spider man.

Can you guess how it looks…

SCROLL DOWN

Presentation does matter.. No matter what the reality is..

2013-02-25T11:56:00.001+05:30

2 Women chatting in office..

Woman 1:" I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??

Woman 2:" It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
.
Woman 1:" Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
.
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..

Husband 1:" How was your evening.. ??

Husband 2:" Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
.
Husband 1:" It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot topay the bill; so I took her outfor dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab.

We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!

Moral:" Presentation does matter.. No matter what the reality is..

Beer Pani-Puri!

2013-02-24T12:00:00.000+05:30

Brilliant Answers by a Student who got 0% Marks..

2013-02-06T17:54:00.002+05:30

Q.1- In which battle did Tipu Sultan Died ?..
Ans.- In his Last Battle..

Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed ?..
Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page..

Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..
Ans.- Marriage..

Q.4- Ganga Flows in which State ?..
Ans.- Liquid State..

Q.5- When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..
Ans.- On His Birthday..

Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..
Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake.

Aap Ke lie Darwaje Bandh hai!-CID JOKES

2013-01-30T21:06:00.000+05:30

Health Tip!

2013-01-30T21:02:00.000+05:30

Genius student

2013-01-30T19:44:00.003+05:30