Jokes and humor page

Pack Rat's Worst Fear

2012-04-16T13:39:00.000-04:00

Being an absolute hoader is an awful problem which may be the end to a person. The pack rat's worst fear is having a room so filled with junk and trash that it caves in the walls of a house. Plus the mess topples over on the person one day from being packed to the ceiling. From that point it's either dig a way out or be smothered too death with no air flow.

Too much doubt with extra jelly and donut in the diet

2011-06-15T11:47:00.001-04:00

How to lose weight systems and books out there teach people how to shed pounds fast. This usually results in a more easy way than sweating weight off. Craving too many snacks with sugar like donuts (jelly included) doesn't help at all. This causes the butt to take the shape of a barn. Also turns out to develop stretch marks around the stomach's waist line.

Finding clothes that fit become a problem. When they rip into with the elastic worn out then a person knows it's high time to make changes. Eliminating the donuts is key with the rest of the fatty foods. That will make a substantial difference. Then the next time the really overweight do jumping jacks there won't be any cracks made in the floor. Slimming down will be fine by reducing food portions with the exercise instead of showing up at a pool being mistook for a whale.

Passive stupidity with drivers

2011-04-20T13:59:00.000-04:00

Over aggressive drivers have to be the most passive stupid idiots on the road. A person can never get them to stop or yield to anything right. Most of the time their property isn't worth the value they whine about each time they experience a fender bender. If only they can get knocked off the road with their license revoked for their useless stupid freaking time being reckless.

The difference between dummies and phonies

2011-04-02T11:02:00.000-04:00

Simply amazes good people how dummies can get in the way with progress and even to be so one track such as phonies. The undeniable difference is a dummy is likely not to listen after a second time to screw things up unlike a phony who is not generally prone to uncomprehension yet accepts messing up as if they believe to achieve on everything going beyond idiotic. Whether it causes an injury or not the phonies also can care less about everyone else important.

The Good out from the Goodwill: no more into economical thrill

2011-03-27T11:15:00.000-04:00

The bets are in as usual yet off for several people. The gloves have to come off America. Predictions for scores can't just be placed all over. Time to start spending again as normal. There is no need for the lack in it with good people and decisions driven away from good-will. The best has yet to surface. How much can a participant put up on the market today to lose within 5 minutes? Seems like the options keep on growing there.

The quick as can be approach takes away from classic time and confrontations. Americans must believe at some point they have to accept going broke. The same goes for winning and losing. The people who stop buying in the economy altogether drive everyone good nuts! The ambition isn't there for much of everything. Forget outrageous time in loans and trade, just put it back in the darn economical system. Otherwise it's a crapshoot for complete failure. I know for sure I wouldn't put up a home for a sakes at a win, lose, or draw outcome.

The fluctation of unbelievable weather: hot air for nothing

2011-03-14T17:36:00.004-04:00

The turn with weather patterns get uncertain. Through the gradual build up with the storm tracking it's unclear with the douches making hot air so current standing. No way to have overflow with water with extra nuts here and there moving to nothing important in a record breaking economy outdoors. Throw in all the unseen public enemies and it's a case not close to working with a total coverage with fast wind and towering rain. The effect gets to be phony from the other side of everything.

Throw in all the time into doplar radar and still it doesn't come close to the real time effect. Surely cold as ice doesn't appeal to March turnout as if the Madness remains supreme. A burden doesn't take hold on it all especially when a crap shoot is eliminated. Highly unfavorable won't be the down end from the South to the North. A work in progress can't be with a chance in foul interruption. Just like a receiver on the National broadcast it's got cheap, ineffective and has to reach a complete shutdown. That's make it natural.

Below Middle-Class: a hobbled mess on the financial brink

2010-12-09T05:31:00.005-05:00

Lackluster as it gets these days is Middle-Class laziness with pure poor quality. As it stands for nothing then it falls for everything. Managing nothing with a organization running without profit is idiotic. Complete chaos can happen and not a main stabilized effort comes a old broken Middle-Class group. It's a train wreck waiting to happen when gets so intolerable careless with cheap disregard for everything else. It's like a stock market crash without wheels.

Simpsons animation wacky, still wonderful in moral messages

2010-09-24T15:48:00.004-04:00

Since the new episodes the Simpson TV show brings in new ways to display morals against proverbial hellish situations. It's not like a kid trying to steal in a candy store by any means. Bart Simpson is always at it as the mischievous one who never seems to grow up. Entering a church he sees enough of the Christian discipline I'm sure. Allowing too much unruly ways in Springfield doesn't help the main community people especially the children. The Sign of the Dragon somewhere holy doesn't shake too many if it's fake and full of hot air.

Tremendous layouts go into these animations with hints for later development in U.S. Culture so to speak. Whether it's a family portrayal or unwanted presence the young in the town aren't amused. They don't throw caution to the wind, it's the adults on that point. In society usually if a person doesn't go by the rules they get caught in a main conflict with all negative focus on them. This goes especially for people who conduct illegal activities and are known for being loud-mouths and posers. Children as well as the most loyal have to shake their heads. They have to walk away from at times and exclaim, "I'm glad not to be in this pure hell with these foolish citizens."

Online shipping and crammed packaging delivery

2010-08-05T12:21:00.006-04:00

Shipping online isn't great when it's at an alarming rate in volume. Trying to ship a huge supply of foods to Korea with a mixture of sports equipment international isn't a wise move. It doesn't work too well when it's too heavy. Not properly packaging supplies is bad too. It creates the idea items will fall out of a box and land on the ground as if they were being air mailed without being secured right through shipping. The same goes for any idiots who try to save costs by shipping themselves in a regulation box to reach a travel destination. Complete craziness.

World Cup Soccer shennigans

2010-07-13T09:57:00.007-04:00

The World Cup is in sight for one lucky team. Before that happens the bon-mots, physical collisons, and everything foolish will take precedence. Before an announcer can holler, Goooooooaaal, soccer players will slam into barracks and make knee-knocking manuevers on the field which will cause bodily flareups if not serious injuries. The craziest part of the action is when the wild fans hit the field and start throwing crap everything. They might butt heads and did reverse backwards kicks into each other until the World Cup Finals. Just wait into the Spainish get into the act!

The shady online medicine scam

2010-07-06T12:35:00.006-04:00

So much is put into information technology. Taking financial information for granted in a databsse isn't smart. The scam artists which align one part of a network to another have a few tricks up their sleeves. I believe they have enough to do with the unsafe online medicine distribution. As a person in need how do you know you're receiving what you paid for anyways? These sometimes illegal practices can have more than their ill side effects. Taking a human Growth hormone rather than the Zoloft needed can mess up the body.

To counter balance bad decisions would be to get rid of account information online and go get prescriptions in person filled. Other scams are these win a mega million promotions scattered throughout the Internet. These hidden company reps want all this information upfront then you never anything legit from them. It's too risky to deal with. A good option here when receiving mass solicitations is to response with a strong threatening letter. That ought to take care of their bothersome ways.

Today's joke about religion

2010-06-29T10:55:00.006-04:00

It's hard to meet up with deeply religious people in the evening. Like for instance trying to go to a restaurant for dinner. Let's say a Methodist, Baptist, Jew, and atheist end up meeting for a meal. The problem isn't with their religious beliefs yet who will be the most cooperative. Sure the Jew will be prompt at the restaurant, be willing to see you on Sunday, but will not pay for the meal. Everyone present know the Jew is too cheap. Of the others the atheist will have to pay the tip as no one actually wanted to invite him or her in the first place. That as well as that person didn't greet anyone in the church with kindness for a while.

Postings on twitter, rare findings of nonsense and news

2010-06-22T17:31:00.009-04:00

The social networking has took prominent stage over everything online practically. Going these web pages such as twitter a person can darn near almost anything. I'm sure under searches there will be such areas such as "American dumbest pranks, sports bloopers, office mishaps and firings, odd smells with evidence, and historic events. The worse of it is problem categories which no one needs to know about. Visiting such updated network sites too often can have it's downsides. An information overload for one.

Where these new age hipsters online go wrong is getting into private situations. If it's related to entertainment then it's too personal. I've heard about known diseases yet pushing it too far is not right: where and when with direct footage which is unflattering doesn't help a famous person. Covering a historic event must be interesting. The video for that is good unless it's a hurricane developing or a volcano which causes fatalities. Going for the hottest and latest news works. Twitter is nice yet I'd just as soon be satisfied checking yahoo.

Sleep loss for a nartcoleptic: have a nap before bed

2010-06-16T11:25:00.008-04:00

I don't get parts of the health care industry. I've had my sleepless nights. That's goes without saying that's not agreeable with bad service for unhealthy people. Certain can take medication, others cause their own problems for all that's known. How a person who's nartcoleptic can handle it is simple usually. They won't have any need for sleep meds and will save money and time. The issue is who can get them to pay attention if they decide to drive a car. In the middle of the night I wouldn't dare encourage them.

Seeing lazy health care service isn't anything an American can favor. Not in preparing the right nutrition and health plans for patients is still wrong. A narcoleptic can find himself in a hospital for a while then disoriented in another imaginative place where pixies and fairies roam without delay. Pills, mental blockages, fuming, and medicine prescriptions thrust upon Americans isn't a good ideas when all mixed together. Getting patients time to catch their breath is needed first.

I'd disagree with 80% of the routine procedures done for the sleeping deprived in medical facilities. Why? It gives them time to fall alsleep (That or listen...to a senile doctor for over 30 minutes). I can't plan on health insurance if I'm not in line to receive it. Toying with the idea for unhealthy people isn't wise. Giving the proper accord and care is due. No one ought to be at a loss for sleep every week. If needed they can tune in to the world news report, if not that the infomericals late at night. That's my spill for the day!

Religion and realism: what's the difference?

2010-05-06T11:48:00.008-04:00

After 2009 Americans faced a setback, the economy declining still. What estimations which were made are unclear to me. I know as a believer in Christ that good time goes generally with good faith. What others don't get in the U.S. who think otherwise and don't comprehend that religion has to be realistic. Leads a person of faith to fall off schedule. Plus you might be seen as a lazy person by arriving at work late. Preachers and teachers don't know how to get the messages across when the wrong morons are getting in the way then you have the unfaithful ones who slip by sometimes at the church. Loud-mouthed Americans who don't contribute to the economy with blasphemous intentions have no room to talk.

When it comes to the system either you keep it running or slow it down by f--king it up with errors. As far as the faith system I'm not sure about. If I could travel at light speed what a day to make of it to see good changes! When adding too much weight and noise in a southern part of the hemisphere with distractions galore it's difficult to be a steady believer especially if you deal with too many delays from unexpected a--holes. Then you have to talk to Christians. Not always the most pleasant experience under heavy pressure.

They may ask when will you be joining us? The response: whenever I can make it out okay, I'm not ready yet to make a commitment (Too many hassles right now). The good part to hear about concerning new age real religion is the church bells can be ringing still and there will be singing. The problem sometimes Christians have is focus when not having too many old nuts in the way with a dire time to meet to form a coalition. Then they can spread more than goodwill. With that in regard only can hope pestilence with too many parasites won't be a major problem.

American travel: how long does it freaking take?

2009-08-18T13:02:00.030-04:00

The age old question of are we there yet doesn't pertain to very many these days. Nobody freaking likes to travel too far away. I'm tired of the American way being I'm too lazy, fat, or make a thousand excuses not to take a trip. Too many years I've listened to nonsense agendas and lies from others because quite frankly it was too much effort and money involved. When it's a time to relax the main travelers like to whine when things don't go according to their plans.

Family vacations aren't what they used to be at all. Nobody seldom like to compromise much. It's always about how fat when can be lounging around then annoying the others who have energy and seem to joy out of activities with others. Instead of casually getting out and about others choose to lay by the pool and squash all the damn water out by jumping off the darn diving board nearly breaking it into. I can't understand how selfish lethargic tourists can be and act like it's nothing later to be once routine and eat at restaurants. There they shell it out for dinner then bitch and moan about sharing money with others for personal needs.

Such hazy ass behavior is one of the dumbest when it comes to traveling these days. Whether we can deck on responsibilities then lie to people about hotel reservations, expecting only the royal best when they know they have to take what's less drive young people crazy. All the limitations hurt chances for those who want enjoyment and maybe a tad excitement on trips. If conventional wisdom works worth a damn just maybe we all could have the perfect f--king getaways. That's why reality sets in to older individuals as they realize they've screwed up plans big time. So much for a pleasant ass trip!

Economically speaking Americans are screwed now

2009-07-02T13:05:00.012-04:00

With numbers such as $300 trillion debt for the government or more show up in the news I get kinda of worried myself about the future. Now with Parliament rolling along as usual messing up too many funding sources with no real good results the time is of the essence. The former Presidential Administration sure knew one thing was going to happen after 2004: they surely f--ked it up big time so let's play cover up as long as possible and then back peddle our asses. Why did Americans assume the economy will remain okay with the spewing crap spouted by government officials?

I've never trusted politics and probably never will fully for the rest of my life. With the right people in positions within oh...the White House new policies I guess can be set with focus on improving the nation as a whole. Too many witless wonders have procrastinated, tarnished the Constitution, and horsesh*ted their way to fat ass salaries. Too many questionable practices have occurred over several years for culprits still hanging around up to the same old shit as usual.

Which it comes to defying logic Congress among other morons have hit it straight on the head. Which means to me if we can't screw it up enough than let's pretend the situation will progress for Americans. For lying politicians to address the public with sheer nonchalant behavior and utter stupidity will never help bring forth righteous change. For thing will remain as gold: realism will never be extincted.

Passive-agressive drivers

2009-06-19T14:18:00.003-04:00

It's one thing to be upset while driving on the road yet it's another to have road rage. Now when motorists on the great American highway can't make up their damn minds which way to go it's a constant struggle for supremacy over right of sanity. Pretty much everyone else who are defensive drivers are the innocent victims. They have to make split-second decisions whether to yield or get the hell out of dodge.

Atheism: The root of stupidity

2009-06-11T12:04:00.021-04:00

During years where clearly the economy is suffering with a downward spiral society has it's share of problems. Religion is only one issue. When different factions jump into a poor social environment all hell can eventually break loose. I know the government can't manage anything worth a shit because there is too much turmoil to say the least within that realm. These days there are too many different idiotic social classes that exist with so much focus placed on greed, selfishness, and ultimate ignorance.

Whether you're a politician or a child star from yester year people today can't make up their damn minds about one thing: how to undermine each other. Usually in a decade such as the 90's all was okay within relationships for the most part. Now it's how can people get ahead of each other by the most conniving means or be lazy as hell to feed off others to steal not only their time, but sometimes almost their mind. The only functioning part of actual class I chose to go with now is realism based with a Chrisitian background and it's not concerning being rich, but life sure can be a bitch. Within a social or religious setting there are too many self-righteous pieces of garbage who think they can rule the world.

As far as I'm concerned no one can control my free will or always dampen my spirit with mindless practices such Scientology. Why do morons today believe they are always no. 1? Everyone wants an easy route to fame or success. I know damn well opportunities are lost based on economic conditions yet when everyone worries themselves to death nothing positive much gets accomplished. Eventually Judgment Day will be unveiled, nevertheless it's a long ways off despite popular belief mainly in fear and stupidity.

Health regulation problem in schools

2009-02-11T13:23:00.010-05:00

There were those days at schools where the lunch special lead to pure uncertainty. Such meals as "Mystery Meat" Tuesdays or "Salisbury Surprise" on Thursdays aren't healthy for students. I mean it's horrible for foods to be contaminated by having salmonella or containing lead from a fork due to carelessness, but no one ever reveals the real hidden ingredient until a disease spreads and a lawsuit arises. Despite all that cafeteria workers think it's still acceptable to leave stray hairs in lunches.

Stupid online polls about Paris Hilton

2009-01-31T13:58:00.018-05:00

Why in the world are these news-related websites wasting their time still glorifying famous morons? This is truly senseless when medical breakthroughs, national issues urging strong opinions, and real breaking news like ice storms are far more important. At this point pretty much everyone is tired of hearing about celebrities such as Paris Hilton (definitely me). If she contacted the West Nile virus that would be different rather than the assumed random STD or herpes. Leave it to the staff at CNN to post a darn poll about the hotel heiress, wondering about her intelligence...come on is this worth the journalistic effort?

I know so much focus is placed on the entertainment industry yet it can't be triggered more to celebs' accomplishments and grievances. Oh, that's right such news press doesn't lead to big money. What was I thinking there? These news networks could get away from this ridiculous infotainment proliferation. Then again what would such juicy entertainment news be without catching a famous personality without wearing panties for a prized photo op or how they slammed a camera to the ground because an asshole invaded too much of their personal space.

At this point not hearing about anyone named Paris Hilton would be a nice break from the usual fixations for love interests in the dating pool or who's been arrested for irrelevant matters
in the Biz within the last week. Way to keep the pertinent real-time news rolling 24-hour cable networks!

Barack Obama Inauguration: historical yet too 'fanatical'

2009-01-23T11:41:00.018-05:00

With the new President, Barack Obama now finally in office hell has yet to freeze over. I sure didn't expect anything horrible to go wrong, but as usual the opposing voices from afar want to be negative buttholes. Most Republicans didn't want him to be President. To think America has elected the first ever Black President, the nation's 44th is astounding. This only adds to America's rich history. Okay, I didn't see all the Inauguration yet knew much tireless work, preparation, and money went into the monumental event. Having a series of musical performers added to the entertainment in Washington D.C. From highlights viewing a sea of humanity outside in freezing weather showed there was a ton support to back the new President and much need for hot cocoa.

What bothers me already is the fact people are wasting no time at profiting off the history-making Inauguration by selling DVD copies. Why in the hell is this so important already? Give it at least a few freaking weeks before jumping on the marketing express! I think too many Americans got caught up in the excitement, missing the main point behind why a new leader in Washington D.C. is needed. Just thinking about the issues plaguing the U.S. gives me a headache. I hope Obama is stocked up on Advil, aspirins, and vitamin pills in the White House. I'm pretty sure he'll need them in his first year in office. He's the type of man who wants to strive for a better future and bring forth positive changes. The distractions with fund requests, proposals, and debacles in the Senate may eat up too much of the President's time.

Yes, the fanatical presence exists big time among certain Obama supporters. Which in turn poses a risk: too many whipped into a frenzy unable to stay on the same page. With that aside the challenging days ahead will take their toll on the new Administration. The economic crisis is the top priority for the time being. The rising unemployment rates with higher cost of living is what is hurting Americans the most. That's why President Obama is already got to work on a stimulus package to begin around mid-February. I personally say the heck with the automobile industries for now as well as useless funding in other areas (ex. Leeman Brothers, Merrill Lynch). The companies have already pissed away such money supposed to be used in relief to save their asses on parties. I'm sure President Obama will sway away from such unintelligent tactics.

Concentrating on the fine points to lift the economy while spurring growth to create jobs while igniting increased consumer spending is key. For the governmental process for effective change to run well a few new procedures are in order. To weed out troublemakers and lawbreakers I think Senate and House of Representatives' members who have committed considerable injustices are no longer needed around. Go ahead write a pink slip (or whatever is necessary), tell them to pack up their possessions and take a hike while not letting the door hit them on the way out. Too much bipartisan quarreling plus sneaky, illegal operations interfere all too often with all three branches of government running smoothly. Also, that whole majority vote for passing bills put a tamper on proper actions in the past. Look for that to change hopefully with President Obama now in office!

Media joke on losing weight

2009-01-16T12:24:00.007-05:00

Back at it again the media is concentrating on why Americans are so fat. When will the media see the big picture because it's one thing to be overweight due to excessive eating it's another to have the will power to put down a bag of potato chips or Doritos. Not everyone truly wants to drop weight. In other words, it's like examining two types of people who go the gym: those who work out to boost their energy and shed pounds while others may choose to go on a treadmill for a few minutes then sit at a bench eating a few candy bars for self-indulgence.

South Park creators may take flying leap in own assinine frame of mind

2009-01-06T12:07:00.017-05:00

Apparently, the two alleged writing geniuses who started that once assumed comedy children show were not right by the book. This is why their ratings have dropped quite a bit in recent weeks because they've turned to blasphemous works which defy logic. This means a character which is synonymous with the show, a rotund example of what's wrong with kids' eating habits can never stop cursing. The other one known as Kenny won't stop dying while the two writers for the show seem to be at wits end and can't stop crying. In turn such stupidity on television is why children or teenagers have negative influences nearby which serve as a mindless distractions. What a shame to have quality programming at times on Comedy Central interfered with shit and crap from those within the South Park realm.

Basically, this sorry excuse for a comedy-animated show is full of shit because it displays no good morals or family values while the humor is more than weak at times. So take that and shove it up your assholes for those who believe in this type of deluded behavior on the air. If I personally had a dollar every time one of those rotten, deplorable characters used a profanity such a way to amuse children pretty much 80-90% of the time I'd be a freaking millionaire! Fat chance at that for me, but sometimes things in life work out in the end for the very best. In accordance to good wholesome sanity viewers might as well decide what's right for them and the younger ones sometimes are lead to believe this type of garbage is okay.

After not even paying attention to this burnt out, long-time running f--ked show I know in my heart what they're doing is wrong. By the way, if the TV show's creators don't like it they can personally kiss my ass when I finally arrive back in New York for my second visit. Whenever that may be my quality of life will be improved knowing those shitholes will eventually be off the freaking air! Such repartee language is to illustrate the error of their ways. I don't encourage such profanity, but when it's necessary to fight for what's right than so be it. In return for their gracious lies and brain-washing of kids go ahead and do the right thing for that show to be canceled as a final amends to Comedy Central viewers who in believe in Christ!

Spelling mishaps for dummies

2008-12-03T12:31:00.013-05:00

Writing a promotion for a new business can be challenging and if a owner has problems with spelling and grammar having another keen eye around is a good idea. Otherwise a headline won't read, "Hoe Seller Grand Opening, see our lowest pisces."

When it comes to Internet forums leaving that empathic feedback for a website can be tough when an angry comment needs to be made. Instead of getting mixed up with how to spell a word a person can just keep a message simple. Such can be, 'I disagree and don't like what you have to offer rather than you ar dum and don't heave a brian when it comme to customer service.

Books for dummies would help tremendously more than likely when it comes to writing research papers. However, if a student doesn't understand what plagiarism is then there will be a major issue. When looking up resources and noting author's name it's a good rule of thumb to make sure these are noted correctly. Heaven forbid a student finds something on Edgar Allen Poe and lazily jots down Ellen A. Po or crossing another name listing it as Ima Gay. Those types of critical errors 9 times out 10 won't result in a good grade. If that is the case have someone else write the darn paper.