tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87460990658048632462024-11-01T18:34:08.496+08:00A Collection of Funny Jokes,Blonde Jokes and hilarious Dirty Jokes.aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-39018496011260956042011-11-17T23:43:00.001+08:002011-11-17T23:43:36.564+08:00

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood,plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-17687487322122331222011-11-17T03:04:00.000+08:002011-11-17T03:04:13.583+08:00

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight. " The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one. " The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-73175151514445326112011-11-11T12:40:00.000+08:002011-11-11T12:40:54.513+08:00

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean. " The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-17962977536488821562011-11-11T12:38:00.000+08:002011-11-11T12:38:08.576+08:00

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed " the old man asked Peter

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-39372920529312853072011-11-11T12:27:00.000+08:002011-11-11T12:27:22.109+08:00

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there? "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate! "TWA? " exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-70750204094329757932011-11-11T12:22:00.000+08:002011-11-11T12:22:13.671+08:00

A man comes into the ER and yells; "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab! " I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one."

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-35045215827658590102011-11-11T12:19:00.000+08:002011-11-11T12:19:17.481+08:00

A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it. " She turns to him with a smirk and says, "

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-24135555138784083562011-11-11T12:16:00.000+08:002011-11-11T12:16:31.387+08:00

An eighty year old couple decide to try for a child. They visit the doctor who asks the old geezer to produce a sperm sample in a bottle. After two weeks, the couple return and the bottle is empty. "What's the problem? " asks the doctor. "Well," says the old man, "First I tried it with my right hand, then my left. Then my wife tried it with her right hand, then her left. Then she tried it with

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-7452538133585115992011-11-11T12:12:00.000+08:002011-11-11T12:12:00.296+08:00

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. "Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's fidelity. "Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife. " "One Sunday morning," he continued,"we were in the midst of some pretty heavy

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-62923202803822609542011-11-11T12:05:00.001+08:002011-11-11T12:06:00.108+08:00

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-43348584193445280842011-11-11T11:44:00.000+08:002011-11-11T11:44:53.110+08:00

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass? " The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant you one wish. " And I said, "No shit. "

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-68284752662682708052011-11-09T16:10:00.000+08:002011-11-09T16:10:26.425+08:00

A man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman. "No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of GOLD! "She said she didn't believe him, so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-33860498152550449122011-11-09T11:36:00.001+08:002011-11-09T11:52:53.652+08:00

Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home, "will I have to go home and come back now? " he ask.The

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-71209824800151498232011-11-09T11:16:00.000+08:002011-11-09T11:16:50.578+08:00

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-39687223787061451592011-11-09T11:07:00.000+08:002011-11-09T11:07:56.258+08:00

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office. "Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-43337602791347346552011-11-09T10:52:00.000+08:002011-11-09T10:52:47.333+08:00

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper. " "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal! " "I know all that. " "Then why did you invite a friend for supper? " "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married. "

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-74351193817000638242011-11-09T10:30:00.001+08:002011-11-09T10:31:26.117+08:00

An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained."Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied."The what, you say? " exclaimed the tourist."They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained the waiter.The tourist gulped but

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-2933805515774777622011-11-09T10:21:00.000+08:002011-11-09T10:21:11.928+08:00

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful! " "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them! "

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-22228621250731700332011-11-09T10:10:00.000+08:002011-11-09T10:10:08.723+08:00

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white? "His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life. "The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black? "

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-67680874489304017212011-11-08T22:20:00.000+08:002011-11-08T22:20:35.325+08:00

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat? "Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. "Why don't you two go out

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-54782793410059487252011-11-08T21:52:00.000+08:002011-11-08T21:52:26.553+08:00

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said "What? "

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-55225620118679800282011-11-08T21:31:00.001+08:002011-11-08T21:53:41.234+08:00

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive "The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-7487349314665190852011-11-08T16:20:00.002+08:002011-11-08T21:56:54.514+08:00

One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence.So Janet raised her hand and said the sky is absolutely blue, the teacher said no, it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors. Another little boy raised his hand and said "the leaves on the trees are absolutely green " the teacher said no, they could be different colors at different times of the year. Little Johnny

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-57606541546704416932011-11-08T16:18:00.001+08:002011-11-08T22:07:30.139+08:00

"I was married 3 times " explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull. " "That's a shame. " said his friend , "How did it happen? " "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms! " ,the man replied. Hahaha..

aldenroihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04932532933015255605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746099065804863246.post-40775457978643267402011-11-08T16:13:00.001+08:002011-11-08T22:13:30.852+08:00

Three nuns were talking one sunny day in June. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines! "What did you do? " the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash," she replied. The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of

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