The dreaming, the deciding and the planning were all exciting but to have my house turned into a construction site is not so delightful. I never realised that it would have such a negative effect on me emotionally and psychologically. I know fully well that in the end it will be all worth it and that I would love the end result but there were times when the dust, the chaos and the mess puts a strain into everyday life. As most of you know, I love to cook and our lives revolve around the kitchen. The kitchen is the heart of our home and for it to be missing from our lives, even for a short while, is surprisingly distressing.

The kitchen after all the units and floor tiles were taken

Today as I stood in the middle of the kitchen I could see that it’s beginning to take shape. Amongst the mess and dust, I could see the beautiful floor and the tiles on the wall. Inspired by the surge of positive feeling, I began to clear up some of the mess and to mop off the dust. All of a sudden, the kitchen was no longer a bomb site but instead before me is a beautiful room. I started to visualise the kitchen work tops, the sink and the appliances in place, and the thought made me happy. I began to relax and appreciate the process of this project.

I guess my problem with dealing with such a big project like this, is my biggest flaw which is impatience. My impatience tends to make my life more difficult for myself and for those around me. I know that having a kitchen done has its stages and processes but for the most part, I tend to whine why things can’t be finished sooner.  

So what did I learn from all this? I began to realise that all I see is scattered pieces. Scattered pieces of me, my life, the project, work, etc. At times I often wonder where the connecting thread is and how can I can pull this together quicker to see the bigger picture. I’ve learned there are pieces to every whole; yet each piece is complete. I need not worry how they will come together but instead appreciate the work on a particular piece that’s before me – the piece that’s in my life today. I need to trust more in the process and enjoy the developmental stages whether I’m working on a kitchen project or any other goals I have in life. I know the scattered pieces will come together and I guess the connecting thread is patience.

The picture will be beautiful – wait and see.

PS. I will post some more pictures when it’s finished

I’ve had my share of emotional setbacks and one of them was childhood abuse and later on in my adulthood, domestic violence at the hand of a man who I thought cared for me. My traumatic experience as a child sent me through a roller coaster ride of negative emotions and the bottom-line of it, is pain. And then along came guilt, self-pity and insecurity to a point I developed an eating disorder, bulimia at the age of 14. Curing bulimia itself was a lot easier compared to dealing with what caused it in the first place. The doctors managed to save my life; however, it didn’t resolve the inner turmoil I was suffering emotionally and psychologically.

In as much as I wanted the pain to go away, certain events, places or people triggered some horrific memories especially when I met my ex-boyfriend who started to beat me during our relationship. For a long time, I suffered from nightmares and a sleeping disorder which left me in a state of confusion and at worst, complete mess right through adulthood. I was ashamed and embarrassed that I dared not tell anyone – not a single soul.  Feeling left on my own to battle with my demons, I was afraid that my guilt would lead me back to my self-destructive ways. How do I get rid of these demons inside me? How do I make the pain go? How can I ever trust again? One day, I gathered up my courage and walked away from my violent ex-boyfriend but I was left in tatters. I was emotionally spent.

Days went on, and the more I thought about the pain and guilt I suffered, the more I began to realise that I will never be able to get rid of the bad memories nor will I be able to make the pain  go away. It will always be a part of me – part of my experience.  No amount of self-beating and self-harming will change the fact that the pain and the memory is here to stay. Even if I tried my best to forget and move on, eventually my past will find a way to catch up and haunt me.  I had two choices – either I give up and be defeated or embrace my pain and learn to work my way around it.

Eventually, I began to understand that I was living and working with a handicap – an emotional handicap.  I needed to learn how to adjust my life and work around my pain and guilt, and learn my weakness and how to use my strength to my advantage. A lot of this realisation came about after I met my husband who has been my punching bag ever since we met. He has been a solid wall by my side and I believe much of my battle was an endurance test for him stretching him to the limits of his patience, willpower and faith as I began to relive my painful secret. The moment I embraced the heartaches and guilt, it became easier to live with my handicap and my attitude and perspective changed.  Slowly, I was able to move forward and live my life once again.

There are still days when I still ask myself, “Why me? What did I do wrong?” But I learned to fight self-reproach and pessimism by focusing on day to day goals. As hubby often would say, “Look forward…” I began to see a fighter that’s always been in me but never acknowledged as I progressed with my healing. I’ve had more moments of doubt and despair than I can count and more knocks than seemed fair or possible. As a result I’ve learned to spot an opportunity in every setback and the gift in every problem.

This post is not a manual on how to live with an emotional handicap. It’s about facing life’s challenges and believing mountains can be moved. It doesn’t matter what your wake-up call is. Mine happened to be childhood abuse and later on in life domestic violence. What matters is the way you respond when it comes. You can sit on the fence and do nothing, but all you’ll get is a sore bum. Or you can take your challenges in both arms, thank them for the lessons they bring and live your life with passion, determination, courage and humour.

Some of us are living with handicaps. Some will change overtime, but others won’t. If that’s the case, stop waiting for your handicap to disappear. Instead decide to live with it. Work around it. Allow yourself to feel and experience all the limitations and emotions of your present situation. Accept them. Let them be a part of you, part of your experience.

These are the theme and my images:

1. Concrete
2. Energy
3. Lost
4. Dance
5. Autumn
6. Smile
7. Confusion
8. Funny

Concrete

Roger Federer, has not only left his mark in sporting history but also on this pavement in Barcelona.

Energy

These windmills seem to be out of place in this beautiful scenery but are essential to generate electricity.

Lost

His face seem to be saying, where am I. This photo was taken in the animal park.

Dance

This photo was taken in Terra Natura park near where we live. I believe the dancer is a gypsy. I really enjoyed this little performance as well as their costumes.

Autumn

We’re having a long indian summer and as such we hardly get a proper Autumn season. Does a cloudy day count?

Smile

Hubby is making this gorgeous little girl smile. She is the daughter of a friend.

Confusion

He looks like in a pensive mood rather than confuse. I counldn’t quite capture the confusion he is going through.

Funny

Either my friends were laughing at me or at some private joke.

Participants of the Digital Scavenger Hunt

• Lifting Me Up
• The Maxwell’s Madness
• Jay.Me
• Photography by Hank Plumley
• Holly & Sage
• Pink Dandy Chatter
• Soul Energy
• Click ‘N Light
• Be Your Own Detective
• Jerome Aoustin Photography
• Life, The Universe…
• Water Cooler
• FreakSmack
• CookieVision
• Caught By Our Eyes
• The Sci-Fi Gene
• Kent Today & Yesterday

Anyway, yesterday, I was a little bit tense and my head was full of things I needed to do for work and at home. As we left to go home, I eased up a bit, sat back and reflected on that day’s event while hubby drove the car. I was such a silly goose for making myself sick with worry – everything was just fine.

On the way home, I tried to release the tension by focusing my mind on something else. I focused on the trees by the roadside.  There were all sorts of trees but I’m never good at identifying them. A few of them looked quite old but still stood tall and proud. Some grew with roots connected and some stood alone. There were hundreds of them along the side of the road and up towards the mountains. Looking at them, I felt a lot calmer.

For many years these trees have been here patiently seeing things through – hardly anything ever ruffled them. They just kept on growing – steadily, peacefully and calmly. They have been through enough, seen enough to know not to worry. Things do work out.

Sometimes I wish I was like one of those old trees by the roadside – never hurrying nor worrying. It would be wonderful to have their patience and calm more often. Things happen, life goes on and people change but I can be calm and know that, always, all is well.

How have you been lately?

I have started to put away some of the summer furniture even though the weather outside is still glorious. I have packed away some of the summer clothing and prepared our clothes for work. The house has been de-cluttered countless of times and cleaned from top to bottom. It’s like preparing for a New Year to a point of ridiculousness. All my running about makes my husband very edgy as I go around ticking all the checklists.

We’ve done these preparations countless of time before and we’ve always done it with military precision. I guess we’re just not keen on the upheaval and the preparation aspect of it. I wish we could just walk in and get on with the season – like skip the boring part and get on with the fun part.  It would be so much better. However, despite my lack of enthusiasm with the preparations, I do look forward to seeing our staff refreshed from their summer holiday as well as our beloved loyal customers.  

This afternoon as I was sat outside on the porch drinking coffee and going over the events of the last few days, I was thinking about the beautiful summer we’ve had. It’s so easy to think that summer and the beautiful feeling that comes with it will last forever but look at how quickly time flew by.

Just a few days ago as we enjoyed a drive to the famous cave of Cuevas de Canelobre, in the space of few hours we saw mountains, dusty plains, turquoise blue beaches, green valleys and a gigantic waterfall. And then my mind wandered to today’s events – I saw courage, faith, despair, anger, healing and joy. I smiled at this and began to reminisce  on the summer gone by –  we’ve tended to our garden, hosted BBQ parties, enjoyed romantic dinners with hubby, revived my blog, socialised with friends, gave home to a couple of amazing dogs and so much more. I thought if there’s one thing that’s true, it’s this; the universe is always changing and forever evolving. Same applies to each moment in our lives – the feelings and the experiences.

We are continually changing, shifting and each new day or season is never the same.  Each emotion, attitude and experience – each piece of scenery – leads to the next. Put them all together and what do you get? A grand journey – an exciting trip that leads to someplace worth being, each moment you are here.

As I drank the last drop of my coffee, I smiled at the significance of the conclusion I came up with. Then this music came up, Everyday by Buddy Holly -how very fitting! 

I whispered to myself, “Here’s to a new season…bring it on!”

These last few days were hectic. Not because we have started work again but friends have been popping left and right trying to catch up with us. We just had four months break from work and it has been quiet in our household. Just when we’re gearing up for work and doing some preparations, friends have started calling in. This got me in a frantic for there are many things I want to prepare for before work gets a grip on us. I’m quite a meticulous and organised person and preferably, I stick to plans I make ahead. Don’t get me wrong – I’m a very spontaneous person in a lot of ways but when you have work like mine, order and preparations need to be in place.

Today, I’m running around like a headless chicken but getting nowhere. So I decided to stop, have a big mug of coffee and write my thoughts down.  Now into my second paragraph and my coffee is almost finish, I’m feeling a lot calmer and my head clearer. I guess, “that time of the month” is not helping at all.

In as much as I’m fretting over silly things, I have to admit I’ve enjoyed being with friends these last few days. One of the get-togethers I enjoyed the most is with a friend and his wife, who we rarely saw this summer due to their lack of free time. When they finally had the opportunity to spend a bit of time with us, we decided to visit a famous cave in our area up in the mountains of Busot, Cuevas de Canelobre which was quite a long drive from where we live.  The drive was enjoyable and the view from the mountain side was breath-taking. It was just what I needed – a chance to be one with nature. Unfortunately, we weren’t allowed to take pictures inside the cave – the photos of the cave below are from their main website.

We spent a whole afternoon, exploring the caves and enjoying the views. Later on in the day, we went for a joy-drive along the country side, stopping once in awhile to enjoy nature. The day ended with a beautiful Indian dinner by the sea.

Friends have always asked me how I manage to work and still come home to make dinner. Preparing food doesn’t need to make you a slave in your own kitchen. Planning ahead and writing down menu plans always does the trick and it makes shopping a lot easier. There are heaps of recipes in the internet to be found and they are simple to make and hardly takes much effort.

Today, in my post I would like to share a very simple recipe that is delicious, nutritious and easy to make. You can have fun with this recipe because it can be serve to suit the mood, weather or time of day. Here it goes.

Stir fried prawns

Ingredients:

Garlic – (finely sliced – put as much as you want)
Ginger – (finely sliced – put as much as you want)
Red chilli peppers – (chopped – put as much as you want)
Coriander – finely chopped
Olive oil – ½ cup
Prawns unshelled 1/2 Kilo

Preparations:

Before I go to work, I mix the garlic, ginger, and chillies together and put them in bowl of olive oil. This way, the oil absorbs all the flavours from your ingredients.

Later on when you’re ready to cook, you just need to heat up your pan, put your oil mixture in and then throw in the prawns. Toss around for a couple of minutes, making sure all the prawns are covered in oil. Heat for another minute and presto, your prawns are ready to serve. Sprinkle with coriander to add a bit of colour.

You can serve this with salad or on a bed of rice. If you prefer pasta, omit the ginger and maybe, if you like, add some finely chopped basil before serving. Enjoy!

For quite sometime, hubby has been talking about getting a companion for Benson, our nine year old Alsatian mix dog. Very soon our summer break will be over and it’s back to work – 7 days a week for 8 months. Benson, every summer, is spoiled with our attention and we don’t want him to be alone again while we’re busy running the business. Besides he’s getting older and a couple of dogs around him will keep him fit and busy.

There is a dog pound near where we live that we have been supporting for years.  From time to time, we donate dog food and we collect for them items that other people don’t want so they can sell them as second-hand goods in the market like old clothes, books, DVDs, furniture, etc… Whatever money they make, goes towards the upkeep and maintenance of the dog pound. The people who run it are volunteers, mostly retired or unemployed and they don’t earn a single penny for all the hard work they do.

We decided to look for Benson’s new companions in the dog pound we support. Most of the dogs there have been abandoned for reasons like the dogs’ age/deteriorating health, owners moving away, financial crisis (especially, this recession, over 75 dogs were given up within the last 3 months), etc.  I feel sorry for these dogs for they do not understand why their owners have left them there, especially the older ones. I’ve always believe, if you take an animal as a pet, it’s for life. It’s for better or worse. Dogs are not objects or playthings when you tire of them, you put them to one side. Dogs have feelings and they entrust their lives to their masters to do what’s good for them. Oops, sorry for ranting.

Anyway, last Monday, hubby went off to choose the dogs. I didn’t go with him because I was busy with some BBQ preparations that we’re doing for our neighbours. I told my hubby that I wasn’t bothered with what they look like, neither how old they are nor what breed they have. All these abandoned dogs deserve love, care and most all, a chance to have a proper home.

Hubby came back with these two amazing dogs, Thomas Kirby (that is the name given to him by his previous owner), four years old (not sure of his breed) and Funky Dory, a 4 months old Alsatian-Terrier mix. For some they might not be the best looking dogs but for me they’re beautiful. Thomas Kirby has been in the dog pound for 18 months but because of his looks, nobody wanted to adopt him. And Funky Dory…well, hubby simply fell in love with her puppy daftness.  As soon as I saw her, I named her after my mum, Dory and just added Funky in front of her name. Both are adorable and full of beans. Benson, seem to be taken by them which is unusual because he doesn’t normally like other dogs.

Just now I’m looking out from my study’s window and all three of them are running around the olive tree like a bunch of lunatics. I am truly happy Benson is not showing signs of jealousy and that Thomas Kirby and Funky Dory, have settled into their new home.  I whistled at them and they all looked up the window and came bounding towards the house. So much trust in their eyes.  I smiled and I whispered, “Welcome home, my babies…”

La Pedrera

Two years ago, hubby and I went on holiday to Barcelona. It was our first proper holiday as a married couple and the first in our 6 years together. Although we have always had four months summer break from work, this was our first long trip away from home. A lot of people have asked us why we waited so long and I guess the reason is that we were saving our money for our dream home and of course, for our dream holiday. We wanted our holiday to be special and because we’ve worked so hard over the last few years, hubby decided money should be no object. His words were: “…sky is the limit,” and I had to smile at this memory because his country men (Scots) are often criticized/admired (whichever way you see it) for their frugality. We opted for a sightseeing trip rather than a relaxing one – hubby and I are not the type of people to laze about the pool and bake in the sun. We wanted action, inspiration and of course, education. We chose Barcelona as a destination because we knew for a fact that it is a vibrant city, and culturally and architecturally, it had loads to offer. Besides, my grandfather hailed from this beautiful part of Spain and it was my way of being closer to him.

Sagrada Familia

We decided to drive down to Barcelona with a hired car, knowing big cities are always notorious for lack of parking spaces and traffic jams. Once we got there, we returned the car to the hire company and agreed that, we can always use the public transport or simply walk. I would always recommend walking for discovering and getting to know cities – there are always “goodies and treasures” to be discovered in those hidden, charming alley ways.

Poble Espanyol

Our hotel, Amister Hotel, was situated about 20 minutes walk away from the city centre. It was perfect and ideal – it was away from the noise and it had everything what a good holiday hotel have to offer.

Entertainer in Las Ramblas

When we finally arrived and half-unpacked our belongings, we hit the road to see the famous street of Las Ramblas. The street was thronged with beautiful cafés, street entertainers and stalls adorned with colourful souvenirs. It was exhilarating and exciting to be in the middle of all the hubbub of the street-goers. And oh, there were restaurants galore – from the Basque tapas* to a more fanciful international cuisine restaurants. As food enthusiasts, we thought we’ve landed in paradise and we couldn’t decide what we would have for dinner that night. We were spoilt for choices.

A beautiful building in Barcelona

Strolling along, we couldn’t help but notice the breathtakingly beautiful buildings. We saw Antoni Gaudi’s influence everywhere we went from the famous cathedral of Sagrada Familia to the enchanting fairytale land of Park Güell. It is indeed a city of talented artists, architects, craftsmen and beautiful food where people gather to appreciate its beauty, extravagance and generosity.

Park Güell

The next ten days was like a whirlwind romance – not only because hubby was there, but because I fell in love with this resplendent, picturesque and amazing city. Everyday we scoured important landmarks, museums, cafés, restaurants and shops. I was like a kid in a candy shop absorbing all the beauty and historical information of places we visited: Sagrada de Familia, Port de Barcelona, Poble Espanyol, Park Güell, Casa Batlló, La Pedrera, to name a few. Last but not least, as an avid sports fan, a trip to Barcelona wouldn’t be complete without visiting the FC Barcelona football stadium and the Olympic Stadium, where some of the world’s greatest sport personalities competed in these spectacular arenas. It wasn’t difficult at all to envisage the grounds filled with spectators and fans. I could almost imagine the energy flowing as the competitions unfolded.

Montjuic

Each moment of my stay, I wanted it to last forever and I savoured every second of it. For me, Barcelona is a place where you can find inspiration and reclaim lost youth. It didn’t pretend to be the greatest city on earth but it showed pride in what it had to offer. So if you do plan to come to Spain one day, do visit Barcelona and I can promise you a beautiful love affair with this beautiful city. Let me be the first to say, Bones Vacances, (have a good holiday) as they say in Catalan.

Barcelona rush hour

*Tapas – (Spanish pronunciation: [ˈtapas]) is the name of a wide variety of appetizers, or snacks, in Spanish cuisine. They may be cold (such as mixed olives and cheese) or warm (such as chopitos, which are battered, fried baby squid). In select bars in Spain, as well as some parts of North America and the United Kingdom, tapas has evolved into an entire, and sometimes sophisticated, cuisine. In Spain, patrons of Tapas can order many different tapas and combine them to make a full meal.

 Those who thinks sunshine brings happiness, have never dance in the rain before.

It’s raining; therefore, I shall post.

It’s been a great week for being with friends and celebrating birthdays (mine and a friend’s). Food, laughter, sunshine and togetherness was the norm . After the overindulgences of the last few days, I embrace the rain and the solitude. It’s very peaceful here and the only noise I hear is the rain outside and my fingers typing away at the keyboard. There’s something comforting about the rain – it’s very cleansing and calming. I want to go outside to dance in the rain and to wash away the excessiveness of the week but not the beautiful memories. Perhaps, I shall do that.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend.